Photo: Dmitry Boyarin

There are thousands of ways to piss off a female, let alone a female bartender. We encounter sexism when we tell people what we do for a living and sexual harassment when we are just trying to do our jobs. Unfortunately, most of these people who piss us off just don’t get it and genuinely don’t know any better. We should all think about the way we treat bartenders, women, and other human beings in general.

The thing is, I would never quit being a bartender because I love love love my job. I enjoy serving people, listening to their problems and making sure they are happy and having a good time. Most of my customers are awesome and I wouldn’t let a few people who don’t know how to act ruin that.

Touch us inappropriately

We are bartenders, not escorts. Unfortunately it seems as though some individuals confuse the two. This is assault, and you will be forcefully evicted out the door.

Tell us to smile

Do people walk around your office telling you to smile while you’re sitting at your desk?

Snap or whistle

The same goes for waving your money, shouting, or literally anything else that you wouldn’t do out in the real world.

Say “Nice tits,” or any other derogatory comment

This behaviour is completely unacceptable. Sexual harassment makes me want to punch people in the face. The high road, however, is far more effective and worth the effort.

Assume we don’t have any structure in our lives

There’s a misconception that we are always all drunk, promiscuous, living paycheck-to-paycheck and this is simply not true.

Assume we are uneducated

Tending bar is a hard, dirty, working-class job and so many people seem to think that any bimbo can do it. Wrong! Not every bartender necessarily has a college education but a whole lot do. Sure, it’s often in something like Philosophy or History, but believe me, the person serving your drinks is more likely than not, extremely intelligent.

Body shaming

Apparently wearing a tank top, even though it can be hot as balls, is an automatic invitation for people to comment on our bodies. It’s not all men though — women are guilty of this, too.

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Photo: Tyler Rayburn

1. Wal-Mart is the hottest place to be on a Friday night.

When the movie theater and the mall are at least 40 miles away, the bright lights of Wal-Mart start looking pretty interesting. Folks gather in their pickup trucks, pulling out the coolers, lawn chairs, and occasional confederate flag to grace the night in drunken revelry. It ain’t fancy, but there’s enough room for everyone’s car and restocking the beer is as easy as crossing the parking lot.

2. You’ve loosened your belt loop.

It’s likely you’ve gained a little weight during your tenure; Indiana is one of America’s most-obese states. Fast-food joints outrank the number of churches, which is saying something for the bible belt. We take unhealthy to a new level: every year at the Indiana State Fair, people consume over 37,000 milkshakes and 10,500 deep-fried Snickers. Our eating habits, paired with an environment that encourages inactivity, is a recipe for all sorts of health problems. If you default to ordering fried, not grilled, you’re becoming one of us.

3. Light beer is the right beer.

Since most of our meals come from a drive-thru, light beer is the easiest way to cut down on calories (and cost). We can afford to throw back a few more when we’re hanging out with friends.

4. Your ego is proportional to the size of your pickup truck.

Pickup trucks are meant for trailers, firewood, and various other oversized items. However, repeated exposure to country music, extra-large parking spaces, and social pressure could have you buying into the extended-cab hype, even if you’ve never towed anything. Some say it’s worth getting only 15-miles per gallon as long as your truck looks bigger than your neighbors — and has a hemi.

5. There are two seasons: NASCAR and football.

In true Midwestern fashion, Indiana weekends are spent indoors, watching ESPN with a Keystone Light on a coaster within arm’s reach. From October through January, this is Colt’s Country. Since the Indianapolis Colts last won the Superbowl in 2007, we haven’t given up hope that this year could be it. Some of us in silence and some in great fits of testosterone, we beg the Lord for just one more yard or field goal so that the Colts will have another chance at winning the season. However, if our team is having a bad day, Indiana fans are happy to switch alliances to whoever has a chance to crush the Denver Broncos, more specifically hoping for an imminent injury to Peyton Manning.

By the time the Superbowl is over, we’re ready to move on to our next sport that is simple enough for anyone to follow: watching cars drive in circles, otherwise known as NASCAR. Most outsiders know Indiana for hosting the Indy 500, but few people in the state care about Indy car racing. Indiana folks remain loyal to the true American sport of stock-car racing. This gives reason to tailgate through the spring, summer, and fall until the season ends in November — although most of us have already switched back to football by then.

6. You’ve forgotten how to use public transportation.

Cars, trucks, and the occasional tractor speckle the roads, but you almost never see a bus. Indiana’s cities aren’t densely populated enough or designed in a way to make public transit a viable option for most people. Unfortunately, the only kind of subway that exists for us is the sandwich shop.

7. You have camouflage everything.

If your camo clothing makes an appearance outside of a hunting trip, you might be giving yourself away.

8. If God isn’t on every corner, it’s not a neighborhood you want to be in.

From small towns to big cities, God is everywhere. There’s a church on every block and as long as you subscribe to Christianity, your spiritual needs will be met. Churches are the epicenter of community and social activities, always doing their best to keep the flock out of trouble. Although the cross may deter Buddhists, atheists, and Pastafarians, consider it a sign that it’s safe to walk around at night.

9. You’re a nicer person.

Waiters, salespeople, even drivers on the road are more considerate and pleasant to deal with in Indiana. We’re a state full of courteous people who go out of their way to hold open doors and make you feel a little more welcome. You can’t help but reciprocate their amiable attitude. It’s a gift to bring with you to your next destination.

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1. Wandering amid sculpted stone in the Valley of Fire

Photo: cjarv2010

As the name suggests, this scenic state park — Nevada’s oldest and largest — can get rather warm during the summer, and by warm we mean temperatures up to 120 degrees. Best to take in its stunning sandstone formations, ancient rock art, and winding trails during the cool season. Pack a picnic lunch for a day trip, or load up the car and snag one of 72 campsites for an overnight among the park’s undulating rocks and canyons. At less than an hour’s drive northeast of downtown Las Vegas, you’ll have no trouble getting there.

2. Warming up at Gold Strike Hot Springs

Every hike needs a rewarding destination, and it doesn’t get much better than this canyon scramble on the way to a relaxing soak in one of the state’s finest natural hot springs. Take note: The 6.5-mile round-trip route is no casual stroll. Small sections require basic climbing and rappelling, with ropes attached to ease the journey. Stop along the way to bathe in various pools — try to find the secret Cave of Wonders — or hike to the bottom and take a break on the bank of the Colorado River. The trailhead is along Gold Strike Canyon Road, just off US 93.

3. Flying the friendly skies

Photo: Skydive Las Vegas

Sure, you can jump out of a plane any time of year, but winter’s bright, clear skies make it prime time for killer views on the way down. Skydive Las Vegas takes rookies up for tandem jumps, each pair free-falling for up to a minute at well over 100mph before pulling their parachute and coasting back to solid ground. Resist the urge to put it all on black while the adrenaline is still pumping.

4. Unplugging at Mt. Charleston Cabins

If you think winter days are best spent surrounded by snowy pines in a woodsy lodge, grab your Pendleton blanket and head for Mt. Charleston Cabins. Located at 7,717 feet in the thick of Humboldt-Toiyabe National Forest and just 45 minutes from downtown Las Vegas, this rustic retreat is a serious escape, albeit with amenities like jetted tubs, fireplaces, and the nearby lodge where you can grab a hot toddy and an elk burger while gazing out over the snow-dusted trees. And since cell reception is spotty at best (and there’s no cable, wifi, or land lines in the cabins), you won’t feel pressured to live-tweet the weekend. Rates start from $118.

5. Scaling the cliffs at Red Rock Canyon

Photo courtesy of TravelNevada

Glowing in terracotta tones on the western edge of the Vegas Valley, Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area is home to some of the best rock climbing in the US, as well as stunning geological formations, hiking trails, petroglyphs, and even a few fossilized dinosaur tracks. Winter brings cool days and plenty of sun — a great combo for climbers looking to take on the park’s sandstone cliffs with sport climbs or multi-pitch ascents. Check out routes with names like Epinephrine and Sour Mash, or go straight for the Original — a 14-pitch, 1,000ft route up Juniper Canyon’s Rainbow Wall.

6. Exploring the Mojave on horseback

Steer through canyon narrows cut by water and wind and see Red Rock’s bluffs painted by the sinking sun on Cowboy Trail Rides’ sunset excursion ($169), a leisurely exploration of the Mojave’s wonders. Keep an eye out for burros and coyotes along the trail, then head back to camp for a steak dinner followed by s’mores and a campfire song or two. Like everything else in the desert surrounding Las Vegas, this trip is most comfortably taken during winter.

7. Getting behind the wheel of a dune buggy

Photo: SunBuggy

Your 4WD SUV has nothing on these rough and rugged desert warriors that are perfectly suited for tackling sandy dunes and other off-road gnarliness. Just outside the city, SunBuggy runs relaxed, scenic drives ($149+), as well as the Mini Baja Chase ($199+), an edge-of-your-seat mock race where you’ll be blasting over challenging terrain in the driver’s seat.

8. Tearing down Bootleg Canyon’s mountain bike trails

This Boulder City canyon just outside of Vegas has 36 miles of single track, ranging from beginner-friendly cross-country to white-knuckle downhill (how about the Elevator Shaft’s 22% grade?), all cutting through a seriously scenic southern Nevada landscape. All Mountain Cyclery runs shuttles to the top for $5 a trip, as well as trail tours ($179 including rental) and bike rentals, so you can tackle an epic ride without lugging your gear from home.

9. Soaring over the desert by zipline

Photo courtesy of TravelNevada

Take in the southern Nevada terrain from a bird’s-eye perspective along four ziplines ($159+) that zoom over a mile and a half of canyon landscape just south of Las Vegas. The tour at Flightlinez Bootleg Canyon kicks off with a brief hike to the top of Red Mountain, where you’ll harness up for a burly 1,852ft first run that can reach speeds of up to 60mph. The progressive lines stretch up to about half a mile, giving you a chance to absorb the view, if not to catch your breath.

Pro tip: Keep an eye out for bighorn sheep on the morning tour, or go for the full-moon ride for a totally different experience.

10. Scoping out a ghost town

Rich with metals and minerals, southern Nevada mines brought big money and big crowds to the region in the late 1800s and early 1900s. But when the mines gave out, the miners moved on, leaving behind homes, roads, and communities to slowly decay in the baking heat. These days, those eerie, abandoned towns are tourist attractions that make for great places to catch a glimpse of the past. Check out Goldfield, Nelson (population 37 as of 2010 census), or Rhyolite for some classic examples, or visit St. Thomas, a town that was submerged by Lake Mead in the 1930s and has reemerged in recent years as the water level has dropped.

11. Strolling through Springs Preserve

Photo courtesy of TravelNevada

Las Vegas was named for spring-fed meadows in the middle of the Mojave Desert, and this outdoor attraction in the middle of the city was built around the town’s original water source. Today’s Springs Preserve ($18.95) is home to sprawling gardens featuring cacti and other native plants, and family-friendly walking and biking trails that are best enjoyed when the valley isn’t blistering in the sun. You’ll also find the Nevada State Museum here, with some stellar natural history exhibits.

12. Cycling the River Mountains Loop Trail

This 34-mile loop around the River Mountains is a favorite among locals, who hit the paved trail for casual rides as well as serious training. Take it in sections — along the shore of Lake Mead, up the Three Sisters hills, or through Boulder City where you can stop for a pint at Boulder Dam Brewing Co. — or pull on some bike shorts and ride the whole damn thing. Just be sure to pack plenty of water…it’s a desert out there, winter or not. Find trailheads in Boulder City, Henderson, and Lake Mead NRA.

13. Not frying in Death Valley

Photo: 白士 李

“Hottest, driest, lowest,” brags the website for this national park straddling the border of Nevada and California. Highs average 116 degrees in July, putting something of a damper on exploring outside the air-conditioned confines of your vehicle. In contrast, winter is hiking season, with polished canyons, rolling sand dunes, and snowy peaks to traverse. Even the Badwater salt flats, nearly 200 miles of barren landscape that sits 282 feet below sea level, can be downright pleasant. The gateway communities of Pahrump and Beatty are 1 hour and 1:45 from Vegas, respectively.

14. Shredding the slopes at Las Vegas Ski & Snowboard Resort

No one pictures alpine sports when they think Vegas, but less than an hour from downtown the Las Vegas Ski & Snowboard Resort has three lifts and 30 trails with options for everyone from noob to pro (bring your avalanche kit and expect to hike for the latter). Located in the Spring Mountains district of Humboldt-Toiyabe National Forest, the slopes at LVSSR receive an average 212 inches of snow annually. And with Vegas a short drive away, you can spend the day working your turns and then be back at your hotel in time for happy hour — or a well-earned soak in the hot tub.

This post is proudly produced in partnership with our friends at TravelNevada.

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