Why Enabling Someone Is Never A Loving Act

You’re reading Why Enabling Someone Is Never A Loving Act, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

When You Only Want To Help

Addiction is hard on everyone. If you watch your loved one continually abuse their body, you fear what they’re doing to their health. Abusing drugs and alcohol creates a potential for legal consequences and may interfere with your loved one’s ability to make a living. They make choices that cause unhealthy relationships and drain your bank account. When you see them make mistakes, your instinct is to protect your family from embarrassment and your loved one from pain. You want to help, but you end up making it comfortable for them to continue abusing their substance of choice.

Blurred Lines

Enabling often starts with the best intentions. As habits and behavior patterns become ingrained, it can be hard to separate what actions are helping from the ones that shield loved ones from the consequences of their mistakes.

Enabling means doing something for another that they should do for themselves or stepping in to handle penalties meant for them. For a parent, if their child is arrested for drugs or alcohol, they feel a protective desire to safeguard their future. For a spouse, when their loved one causes arguments or makes a mess, it feels compassionate to protect relationships by covering up what happened.

Examples of enabling behavior include keeping secrets to protect reputations, paying money for overdue rent or bail, or blaming circumstances when the individual gets drunk or high. Loved ones also enable when they threaten to enforce negative consequences for the bad behavior, but don’t follow through.

Enablers don’t start out trying to make it easy on their loved one. Oftentimes, in the beginning, they don’t realize the depth of the problem, and they only intend to offer temporary help. It comes from a place of good intentions, but spirals out of control. Over time, they become the person who the individual relies on to function in spite of their addiction. It actually will encourage and reinforce bad behavior, allowing it to thrive.

Enabling Isn’t Loving

Enabling is the opposite of loving, because it provides what’s comfortable, not what’s needed. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration reported that in North America there are 23.5 million people ages 12 and older who need treatment for alcohol or drugs. At the time of the survey, only 11 percent (~2.6 million people) were receiving treatment at a specialized facility.

As individuals destroy their lives because of their addiction, their loved ones wonder why they don’t seek help. When they ruin so many family gatherings that they’re no longer invited, when they lose that job that was the opportunity of a lifetime, when they create one legal and financial disaster after another, it’s hard to understand why they don’t come to hate the substance that causes it. Often, it’s because enabling encourages toxic behavior.

Enabling keeps individuals from facing the pain they cause so they can continue to delay treatment. It doesn’t just encourage more substance abuse for the individual, but it also hurts everyone in a relationship with them. Siblings feel neglected when parents spend their time enabling a brother or sister. Children receive less nurturing from their parents and keeping secrets chokes outside relationships.

Understanding Codependency

Codependent relationships develop when one person has an unhealthy reliance on another to fulfill their needs. It can be especially complex in the parent-child relationship. Codependency usually involves avoidance, enabling, enmeshment or controlling behaviors.

Avoidance occurs when family members don’t want to face the problem. They tell themselves their child is just going through a phase or that dropping academic achievement will get better soon.

Enabling behaviors happen when parents realize their child has a problem, but they worry how it will affect their future, so they try to protect their child from consequences. They hide bad behavior and offer any necessary legal representation.

When parents draw their own self-worth or identity from their children, they often exhibit enmeshment codependency. They hide their own disappointment and sadness to keep their child from feeling pain.

Other parents respond by being controlling. They seek to regulate all their child’s activities to keep them from obtaining drugs or alcohol. The child never becomes responsible for their own self-control and often does not receive treatment.

How To Tell The Difference

Most people are raised to help those in need. It helps to find the line between helping and enabling by looking for telltale behaviors.

If you regularly make excuses for bad behavior, you protect your loved one from conflict. It’s better to allow them to communicate on their own. You may notice you often step in to do things they are responsible for, like picking up kids or gathering materials for school assignments. If you tell lies to your child’s teachers about why they didn’t complete their project or show up for rehearsal, you cover up their behavior and help them continue to make bad decisions.

Enabling can look different depending on your relationship and family dynamics. Try checking your behaviors against a codependency checklist for an objective evaluation.

Family First Intervention understands how difficult it is to wait for loved ones to seek help. We have accredited interventionists who help individuals seek treatment and find hope. We support family members throughout the process, with experts in every state.

You’ve read Why Enabling Someone Is Never A Loving Act, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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5 Effective Tips to Get the Job You Want Without Experience

You’re reading 5 Effective Tips to Get the Job You Want Without Experience, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

You might think that because you don’t have any experience in a field, the jobs there are out of reach. You’ll be glad to hear that’s not necessarily the case. As plenty of fresh graduates discover every year, there are ways around the no experience barrier. You just have to learn how to play your cards right (and learn what cards to play, of course).

Here we’re going to cover some of the best ways you can still get that job you really want despite your lack of experience. Taken together they will make all the difference.

Get an endorsement

Experience is a way that companies know that you actually know what you’re doing. But that’s not the only thing that matters. As the saying go, ‘hire attitude and train skill’ and that’s a rule that many companies follow. But how can they see you have the right attitude? Well, one great way to do exactly that is for you to get an endorsement from somebody that’s well respected.

Now, there are a lot of ways you can go with this. If you know somebody that’s well respected in the industry then obviously they would make a great choice. Ask them to write you a letter to open up the door. If that’s not possible then look for somebody further afield. You can get somebody like a professor to help you. Otherwise, get somebody famous to do so. Just getting a recommendation from somebody that everybody knows might well be enough for a company to give you an interview – even if it’s just to meet you. From there, your personality can do the rest.

Use your network

You may think that the way people get jobs is by sending out resumes and applying through official channels. And some people do get jobs that way. But it isn’t many. According to one survey, only 15% of people get their job through these channels. The rest? It’s all down to your network.

So use it! Make people aware you’re looking for a job. And when I say ‘make them aware’ I don’t mean ‘put it on Facebook’. I mean, reach out to people on an individual basis and ask them if they might know any leads or anybody.

Don’t be afraid to reach out to people you haven’t spoken to in a while. What’s the worst they can do? Say ‘no’?

Apply up and down the ladder

If you want to be a manager at a IT company, say, but you don’t have any experience, then why not start out a little lower down? Perhaps that manager needs an assistant? Or perhaps there are some internships that you can start at. Yes, those positions are much lower down, but once you’ve got your foot in the door of the company and of the industry it suddenly becomes a lot easier to apply somewhere else. After all, now you do have experience.

It doesn’t matter if your manager yelled at you to ‘write my essay for me please’ or if you had to do the photocopying. The next place you’ll apply at won’t know that. All they’ll see is your experience. And that will get you an interview – which is where you really make your personality shine.

Your resume and your cover letter

Even though a lot of jobs are landed through your network, people will still ask to see your resume. So you have to make sure yours is ready. A well-written resume might not get you the job, but a poorly written one will make sure you don’t get it.

What do I mean with a poorly written resume? I mean one where the spelling and grammar aren’t perfect. I mean one where things aren’t aligned properly. I mean one where you use commas in one place and then periods in another.

Do these sound like nitpicky things? Well they are. There can be no doubt about it. The problem is, when people have a job they often get dozens (if not hundreds) of applications for that job. And as they need to narrow down the field, they’ll use whatever criteria they can. A poorly written resume is such a criteria. After all, their reasoning will go, if you aren’t careful enough to write an error free resume, then how can you ever be careful enough to not make mistake while you work for us?

Connect

You should always be looking to make new connections. You never know what they’re good for. A big part of being lucky is the people you know. So make sure you know a lot of people. Also, be aware of how you network. People can see straight through a phony. So don’t just network with people because you want to climb up the ranks over their backs.

Also connect with people to see if you can help them. People remember who helped them. And down the line that can pay serious dividends. Because the truth is, when you’ve got this great job, then you’ll find that it’s something else you’ll want next. And that will require more connections and people.

Last words

Experience will come with time. So don’t despair. Just start trying. And don’t be afraid of people that say ‘no’. A lot of people will do that in your life. But they don’t really matter. The only people that will ultimately matter when you’re hunting for a job is those who say ‘yes’. So focus on them.

A good strategy to use if you’re afraid of failure is set out a goal to get this many rejections in the next six months. If that’s your goal, if you set out to get this many rejections every week, then you know you have to push hard to send enough applications out there. And when you’re sending out that many applications, it’s almost inevitable that some of them will come back positively.

That’s a good strategy for getting the job you want. That’s a good strategy to get anything you want.5

You’ve read 5 Effective Tips to Get the Job You Want Without Experience, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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11 Tips Presentation Anxiety Doesn’t Stand A Chance Against

You’re reading 11 Tips Presentation Anxiety Doesn’t Stand A Chance Against, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

It’s not just you. Presentation anxiety is a common feeling that comes from fear of public speaking, one of Americans’ most common fears. It’s important to understand how to reduce and control these feelings before a presentation so your hard work doesn’t fall flat.

Whether for work or school, you want to deliver a great presentation. The eleven effective tips below are designed to put you in control and help you deliver with confidence before your next presentation.

Map It Out In Advance

Mapping out each step of your presentation is a great way to kill uncertainty. Breaking down big jobs into small tasks is so helpful that Penn State crafted an online tutorial to walk you through the planning process from start to finish. The tutorial recommends focusing on your body content before crafting your introduction and closing statements.

Nail Your Introduction

After you know what you are going to talk about, public speaking coach Ellen Finkelstein recommends hitting three main points in your introduction to grab your audience’s attention:

  • Who are you?
  • What are you talking about?
  • Why is the topic important?

Finkelstein suggests writing out each answer, then editing them and, finally, practicing delivering them. Doing so gives you the confidence to start your presentation because no decisions are left to the moment of delivery.

Practice Your Delivery

Bill Rosenthal, chief executive of communication training provider Communispond, says locking down your presentation will make you a more confident presenter than an inauthentic one. Ever heard of a dancer looking robotic because they practiced their steps too much?

A sure fire way to crush some fear is to show yourself how capable you are by practicing your presentation a handful of times before the day comes. If you can, get in front of some friends you trust to get their feedback or record yourself on your phone to look for things to improve.

Establish Your Mindset

Understand that it’s a lot easier to focus on negative things and overlook positive ones. For example, it’s easier to think you will give a bad presentation and not about the value the audience is will get only causes further anxiety.

Communication coach Cher Gunderson explains that supporting yourself with positive reinforcement is one of the best mindset shifts you can take on. She writes, “shift hyper-critical, non-supportive, judgmental thoughts to supportive, balanced thoughts.”

Review The Situation

Wouldn’t it be nice if you had your own personal therapist during moments of distress? Well, now you do. Youper is an anxiety assistant you can use to analyze your thoughts to anchor them in reality and facts, not false expectations. In just a few minutes, you complete a mini therapy session and gain a healthy perspective on your trigger situation. Users report that the tool is just like interacting with a therapist.

Show Up A Little Early

It’s important to get comfortable with the location and the audience where you’ll present. Walk around, pay attention to the layout of the room, and look for things that could potentially distract you. This will help you feel more comfortable because you’ll snuff out the initial tension of being in a new place.

Meeting a few people in the room establishes allies in the audience for you so you don’t feel like you are presenting to strangers.

Keep Water On Hand

Ever notice that presenters usually have a cup or bottle of water on hand when giving a presentation? Keeping yourself hydrated during a presentation is important because dehydration can trigger anxiety symptoms. That’s the last thing you want before you deliver a presentation.

Breathing Exercises

When you get anxious your breathing gets faster. Breathing calms anxiety by guiding you back to a slower rhythm, calming you down in the process. Research indicates that breathing exercises are an effective way to lower anxiety levels.

For those that find it difficult to focus on their breathing, a guided exercise with audio or a visual to follow will help you focus on your breath through an entire cycle.

Visualize A Successful Presentation

Imagine yourself finishing the presentation and hearing the sound of applause. Visualize members of the audience thanking you, or colleagues congratulating you. These positive images help manifest a positive attitude, which will come out during your presentation.

Visualization isn’t just for improving your attitude. Studies have shown that visualizing an activity can have the same effect as real-life practice. Moreover, if you visualize and practice in real life, you are even more likely to do well.

Remind Yourself Fear Is Normal

Fear is normal and helps us avoid danger. That’s great! However, is it dangerous to give a speech?

As mentioned above, fear of public speaking is high on the list of most common fears. Being judged is not something humans are comfortable with, and giving a presentation puts you in a position where you can be judged.

Remember that everyone feels anxious before they present, and you feel this way because the presentation is important to you.

How To Calm Down Before A Presentation

Use as many or as few of these tips as you’d like, but I don’t suggest trying to do all of them. That might be harder than giving the presentation!

The important thing is to do what you feel you can without adding to the pressure of the presentation. If you have questions about what you feel before a presentation or other social situation, learn more about social anxiety symptoms.

You’ve read 11 Tips Presentation Anxiety Doesn’t Stand A Chance Against, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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11 Tips Presentation Anxiety Doesn’t Stand A Chance Against

You’re reading 11 Tips Presentation Anxiety Doesn’t Stand A Chance Against, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

It’s not just you. Presentation anxiety is a common feeling that comes from fear of public speaking, one of Americans’ most common fears. It’s important to understand how to reduce and control these feelings before a presentation so your hard work doesn’t fall flat.

Whether for work or school, you want to deliver a great presentation. The eleven effective tips below are designed to put you in control and help you deliver with confidence before your next presentation.

Map It Out In Advance

Mapping out each step of your presentation is a great way to kill uncertainty. Breaking down big jobs into small tasks is so helpful that Penn State crafted an online tutorial to walk you through the planning process from start to finish. The tutorial recommends focusing on your body content before crafting your introduction and closing statements.

Nail Your Introduction

After you know what you are going to talk about, public speaking coach Ellen Finkelstein recommends hitting three main points in your introduction to grab your audience’s attention:

  • Who are you?
  • What are you talking about?
  • Why is the topic important?

Finkelstein suggests writing out each answer, then editing them and, finally, practicing delivering them. Doing so gives you the confidence to start your presentation because no decisions are left to the moment of delivery.

Practice Your Delivery

Bill Rosenthal, chief executive of communication training provider Communispond, says locking down your presentation will make you a more confident presenter than an inauthentic one. Ever heard of a dancer looking robotic because they practiced their steps too much?

A sure fire way to crush some fear is to show yourself how capable you are by practicing your presentation a handful of times before the day comes. If you can, get in front of some friends you trust to get their feedback or record yourself on your phone to look for things to improve.

Establish Your Mindset

Understand that it’s a lot easier to focus on negative things and overlook positive ones. For example, it’s easier to think you will give a bad presentation and not about the value the audience is will get only causes further anxiety.

Communication coach Cher Gunderson explains that supporting yourself with positive reinforcement is one of the best mindset shifts you can take on. She writes, “shift hyper-critical, non-supportive, judgmental thoughts to supportive, balanced thoughts.”

Review The Situation

Wouldn’t it be nice if you had your own personal therapist during moments of distress? Well, now you do. Youper is an anxiety assistant you can use to analyze your thoughts to anchor them in reality and facts, not false expectations. In just a few minutes, you complete a mini therapy session and gain a healthy perspective on your trigger situation. Users report that the tool is just like interacting with a therapist.

Show Up A Little Early

It’s important to get comfortable with the location and the audience where you’ll present. Walk around, pay attention to the layout of the room, and look for things that could potentially distract you. This will help you feel more comfortable because you’ll snuff out the initial tension of being in a new place.

Meeting a few people in the room establishes allies in the audience for you so you don’t feel like you are presenting to strangers.

Keep Water On Hand

Ever notice that presenters usually have a cup or bottle of water on hand when giving a presentation? Keeping yourself hydrated during a presentation is important because dehydration can trigger anxiety symptoms. That’s the last thing you want before you deliver a presentation.

Breathing Exercises

When you get anxious your breathing gets faster. Breathing calms anxiety by guiding you back to a slower rhythm, calming you down in the process. Research indicates that breathing exercises are an effective way to lower anxiety levels.

For those that find it difficult to focus on their breathing, a guided exercise with audio or a visual to follow will help you focus on your breath through an entire cycle.

Visualize A Successful Presentation

Imagine yourself finishing the presentation and hearing the sound of applause. Visualize members of the audience thanking you, or colleagues congratulating you. These positive images help manifest a positive attitude, which will come out during your presentation.

Visualization isn’t just for improving your attitude. Studies have shown that visualizing an activity can have the same effect as real-life practice. Moreover, if you visualize and practice in real life, you are even more likely to do well.

Remind Yourself Fear Is Normal

Fear is normal and helps us avoid danger. That’s great! However, is it dangerous to give a speech?

As mentioned above, fear of public speaking is high on the list of most common fears. Being judged is not something humans are comfortable with, and giving a presentation puts you in a position where you can be judged.

Remember that everyone feels anxious before they present, and you feel this way because the presentation is important to you.

How To Calm Down Before A Presentation

Use as many or as few of these tips as you’d like, but I don’t suggest trying to do all of them. That might be harder than giving the presentation!

The important thing is to do what you feel you can without adding to the pressure of the presentation. If you have questions about what you feel before a presentation or other social situation, learn more about social anxiety symptoms.

You’ve read 11 Tips Presentation Anxiety Doesn’t Stand A Chance Against, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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How I Went From Insomniac to the Best Sleep of My Life

You’re reading How I Went From Insomniac to the Best Sleep of My Life, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Sleep. Some of us can’t get enough of it, while others are in a love-hate relationship.

For many years after becoming an entrepreneur, I was the latter. Like every human, my mind and body needed sleep to function. The problem was, I had trouble actually falling asleep in the first place.

Now, I will say that there are variances of how one would define an insomniac. I wasn’t suffering from chronic insomnia that could do serious damage to my well-being. However, there were many periods when I would only get two to three hours of sleep during the week.

If mild and periodic insomnia is something you face, or even chronic insomnia, read on. As my work, relationships, and overall energy began to decline further, I took serious action to research and ‘self-experiment’ on fixing my insomnia for good.

I won’t bore you with the full journey, but rather give you the top 5 actionable tips that had the most impact in my sleep quality. Hope it brings you value.

1. Choose your ideal sleep cycle

I had no idea that there were different sleep cycles you could experiment with. My entire life, I just assumed that people sleep 7-8 hours then remained awake for the rest of the day.

I found that there are four main sleep cycles that are well-known:

  • Monophasic Cycle
    • Amount of sleep: 7-9 hours (one sleep cycle)
    • Best suited for: 9-to-5 workers
  • Biphasic Cycle
    • Amount of sleep: 5-6 hours within the day
    • Best suited for: Workers that can leave work early or work at home
  • Everyman Cycle
    • Amount of sleep: One 3.5 hours of deep sleepwithin the day; Three 20 minute naps during the day
    • Best suited for: Those who want to explore polyphasic without going extreme
  • Uberman Cycle
    • Amount of sleep: six to eight naps (20 minute each)
    • Best suited for: Those who want the most out of their day without being tired

In the end, I decided to remain in the monophasic sleep cycle, but I often experiment with biphasic cycle to see how I feel. You should see for yourself what’s right for you.

2. Invest in the right tools

Just like finding the right tools in your work can make you significantly effective, finding the right sleep tools help you sleep better, faster.

a. Bluelight blocking glasses
Usage: During the day

Research show that we spend over 10 hours per day staring into our screens. Likely more if you’re in tech. Studies state that blue light exposure can negatively impact different parts of our brain and body. They include digital eye strain, headaches, and of course disruption of our sleep cycle.

As an entrepreneur I spend late nights staring at my lap top screen. When I tried to sleep, my mind was still stimulated overflowing with thoughts and energy that made it impossible for me to sleep.

I started wearing iGOTHAM’s blue light blocking glasses and have noticed reduction in my eye strain. I normally wear these when I’m working, and make sure to put them on at night before I sleep (since I can’t stay away from my laptop at night!). Some harmful effects of bluelight can be found here.

 

b. Blackout curtains
Usage: For the bedroom

Even a sliver of light that enters into our bedroom can impact one’s sleep. While I can sleep through some light coming into my room, there are other nights where I absolutely need total darkness.

Using blackout curtains is the simplest solution, and installing it is pretty simple.

c. Bonus: Hot shower

Need I say more? All in all, taking a hot shower helps me relax when I’m stressed or stimulated before sleeping.

3. Leave any electronics out of the bedroom

A tip that has surprisingly been effective for me is: keeping all personal electronics outside of the bedroom.

I know… it’s devastating. But I encourage you to try it for just one day. 

Here’s what you do:

  • Just before you go to bed: Take your phone, computer, smart watches (and chargers) outside your room
    *If you don’t have any other space, then place it on the opposite end of where you sleep
  • Put all of your devices on silent mode (or turn if off completely)
  • Don’t check it until the next morning

Let me know how this goes!

4. The 90 minute rule

“You need 8 hours of sleep per day.”

It’s one of the most common (and generalized) advice you get about sleep. Speak to professional sleep researchers and most of them will tell you that is baloney. Instead, the use the ’90 minute rule.’ This is based on the knowledge that our sleep cycle contains five distinct phases, divided into four stages of non-REM (rapid eye movement) sleep, followed by a stage of REM sleep (in which we dream).

Each of these cycles takes roughly 90 minutes, followed by a brief interlude when we are relatively wakeful, before a new cycle starts again. This means that you will feel most refreshed when you awake at the end of a 90-minute sleep cycle because you will be closest to your normal waking state. 

To maximize the chances of this happening, work out when you want to wake up, then count back in  90-minute blocks to find a time near to when you want to go to sleep. You can also use this sleep cycle calculator to make it easy for yourself.

Let’s imagine that you want to wake at 8am and wish to go to sleep around midnight.

Counting back in 90-minute segments from 8am would look like this:

8am > 6:30am > 5am > 3:30am > 2am > 12:30am > 11pm

In this example, you should aim to fall asleep around either 11pm or 12.30am in order to feel especially refreshed in the morning.

So next time someone tells you that you must get 8 hours of sleep, tell them about the 90 minute rule!

5. Change how you think about the bedroom

I used to work from my bedroom, and looking back. It was a mistake. Now, I only do two things in the bedroom: sleep and sex. That’s it.

More importantly, there’s a few actionable things you can do today to transform your bedroom into the ultimate sleep cave.

a. Go DARK

And I mean DARK.

Any sort of light that is seeping through can potentially disrupt our sleep cycles. That could mean

  • Shutting your curtains completely (or buying a better one that completely fills up your windows)
  • Pointing any electronics or alarm clock away from you
  • Turning off all warm lights

Then, when it’s morning time, you can start the day with bright lights and your body will be able to know that it’s morning time.

b. Replace white light with warm light before bed 

This option is great for preparing your body to calm down before bed time. Most of the bright LED lights trigger alertness when it’s turned on, and that’s the opposite effect we want before bed.

You can find warm, orange light in just about any pharmacy store in your local neighbourhood.

c. Light up a candle

Similar to option 2, but the candle combines the warm lighting with a soothing scent.

I recommend checking out the following aromas:

  • Lavender
  • Chamomille
  • Vanilla

d. Adjust your room temperature

Sleep experts have shown that room temperature between 60 and 75 degrees Fahrenheit is ideal for the best sleep. A room with extreme temperatures leads to more frequent awakenings and lighter sleep.

I hope this was useful for those of you that struggle with getting quality sleep in your life. As a fellow entrepreneur burning the midnight oil, sleeping better has been a game changer in my personal life and business. If these tips overwhelmed you in anyway, I recommend just starting with one of them. Once you notice the positive effects in your sleep, you can try another, and so forth. Best of luck and leave a comment below to share how it went!

You’ve read How I Went From Insomniac to the Best Sleep of My Life, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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7 Things Every Spiritual Person Seeking Purpose-Driven Success Requires

You’re reading 7 Things Every Spiritual Person Seeking Purpose-Driven Success Requires, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

purpose driven success

We live in a world where it is normal to settle for a lot less than we are capable of.  And when you are the weird one that decides to set your mind on a vision so big you are too scared to say it out loud, then you definitely need these 7 things.

1. Selective Hearing

There will be those who feel the need to tell you what they think, even though you did not ask for it.  Choose not to hear them.  there is a story of Vincent van Gogh being asked how he could expect to create great art when he only had one ear and he simply said – “I cannot hear you”.  That may be the stance to take when people choose to tell you why they believe that your dream is too big and too crazy.

2. A ready smile as you walk away

And if they are particularly persistent (usually family and friends), then you must have a ready smile as you graciously take yourself out of the room.  I belong to a family who definitely feel the need to give me opinions when I do not want them and I used to get very annoyed about it but now, I simply smile, say something inane like ‘That is interesting’ and I change the topic or walk away.

3. Intimate Connection to Source

Marrying my husband was one of those things that my family and some friends frowned heavily upon and at the time, I was 21, feeling overwhelmed with all the chaos that seemed to arise when I announced the fact that my husband of 16 years and I intended to be married.  the only thing that kept me sane in that time, was my connection to Source and my desire to follow the intuitive nudges in my hear.

I did almost break it off with him until I knew for sure what my higher power wanted because of every voice that was yelling in my head at the time, that was the only voice I cared about.

And to this day, I depend on this voice before taking any action.  This is my guiding light and for any spiritual person determined to win, you must cultivate a spiritual practice that enables you know when you are being guided divinely to the right path for you.

4. A Tough Mind

Many may have opinions but the one that will have the most impact is yours.  If you have a big vision, then you can be sure that you will have a certain amount of self doubt and fear inside of you.  You must train your mind to stay focused on the vision.  You must practice shifting negative thoughts and limiting beliefs out of your mind if you are to win.

If you struggle to remain positive about your chances of success, you must daily train your mind for success.  Write out that vision daily and keep it at the top of mind by rehearsing how you will feel when you finally reach your goals.  Refuse to accommodate or indulge doubts for long.  Catch them as soon as you can and replace them with something more edifying.

5. Resilience & Tenacity

There will be many setbacks.  I hate to say it quite so bluntly but there will be.  You will need to keep getting back up again and again and again.  The only way you will do this is by having a huge reason why.  Whenever I work with any of my clients, I check to see what their ‘why’ is because without a solid reason to do the tense work of building out a huge vision, they will not stay the course.  Everyone starts with optimism, the only ones who remain have tenacity and…

6. Relentlessness

I love this word!  One version of the dictionary defines it as ‘showing or promising no abatement of severity, intensity, strength, or pace’  Another one said ‘Steady and persistent; unremitting:’.  It sounds harsh, unforgiving and in some ways, it is.

Sometimes, being a spiritual person can seem weak.  It can seem as though you have to turn the other cheek and submit all the time.  And for some, that is exactly what it means to them.  But for those committed to designing a life they adore, you must be relentless.  You must keep pushing forward and yes, you must hustle ( a hated word in some spiritual circles).

The great thing for you is that you have divine guidance to support you, if you will listen, trust and act.  BUT YOU MUST ACT!

7. Tunnel Vision

Needless to say, you need to focus.  There will be many distractions, many reasons to quit, many had days and many great days and you will finally realise that you are a lot more powerful than you ever imagined.


Which of these 7 do you need to implement?

Rosemary Nonny Knight teaches spiritual people how to intuitively and deliberately design a life of fulfilment, freedom and abundance in all areas.  Download her book, PRAY. AFFIRM. RECEIVE – How to get clear, stay clear and take action to get what you want out of life, for free at http://ift.tt/2zLMVR6

You’ve read 7 Things Every Spiritual Person Seeking Purpose-Driven Success Requires, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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5 Ways Mindfulness Can Relieve Your Chronic Pain

You’re reading 5 Ways Mindfulness Can Relieve Your Chronic Pain, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

As scientists prove the many benefits of daily mindfulness practice, more Westerners are getting interested in meditation. A recent study found that 8 percent of Americans meditate on a regular basis. Although meditation is one of the most popular mindfulness practices, any exercise that forces a person to pay attention to the present moment could be considered mindfulness – other popular mindfulness techniques include yoga, journaling, and even long walks in nature. The benefits of all mindfulness exercises are the same: better sleep, increased vitality, reduced stress, and, believe it or not, less physical pain.

Mindfulness: A Cure For Chronic Pain?

That’s right, many chronic pain patients have found relief from years of suffering by practicing mindfulness on a consistent basis. It might seem odd that consciously sitting with our pain could reduce it over time, but hundreds of studies now prove daily mindfulness practice changes how the brain perceives pain.

If you’re suffering from a chronic pain condition, you should consider practicing some form of mindfulness every day. Need more convincing? Well then, read the five reasons mindfulness can help relieve physical pain listed below. By the end of this article, you should be thoroughly convinced of the healing power of mindfulness.

1. Learn To Change Your Mind

One way mindfulness benefits people with chronic pain is by helping them see their pain from a new perspective. As you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings, you’ll be able to notice a negative thought pattern and change it quickly. With years of mindfulness practice, you’ll start to notice your subconscious mind actually starts generating positive thoughts and emotions.

You could also consider supplementing your meditation practice with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT practitioners work with you to recognize unbeneficial thoughts and emotions, analyze why they arise, and, eventually, change them.

2. Easing your Anxiety With Mindfulness

Let’s face it, chronic pain can be stressful. It’s no wonder a majority of chronic pain patients also suffer from mental disorders like anxiety and depression. Thankfully, mindfulness meditation has been shown to help people cope with the stresses chronic pain puts on their lives. By sitting with your anxiety and accepting it without judgment, you’ll find that your mental worries slowly melt away. MRI scans have shown that meditators have less pronounced “fight or flight” centers in their brains. As you decrease your anxiety, you’ll find that it’s far easier for you to manage daily tasks.

3. Mindfulness Strengthens Your Intuition

Repressed emotions can manifest as physical pain symptoms. One of the best ways to release these deep emotions is by consistently practicing mindfulness. In addition to watching your thoughts during meditation, journaling and/or talk therapy are great ways to get at the root of what’s causing your pain. People who practice journaling on a regular basis have been shown to have stronger immune systems, less depression, and increased emotional intuition. Whatever form of mindfulness you practice, you’re sure to gain a better understanding of how your subconscious mind is contributing to your physical pain symptoms.

4. Mindfulness Brings You To The Present Moment

Researchers at UC Davis believe one of the main reasons meditators have lower stress levels and their experience of pain is because mindfulness meditation removes two of the main triggers of anxiety: dwelling on the past and worrying about the future. It’s true that mindfulness practice brings us into the “timeless present.” Most people believe they’re in the present moment, but oftentimes our minds are somewhere in the future or the past…or even on the moon!

Try it for yourself: follow your breath and see just how many subconscious thoughts rise to the surface. This is what Buddhist monks call the “monkey mind.” With dedicated practice, however, you’ll find it easier to let yourself relax in present moment awareness.

5. Less Reactivity Improves The Quality Of Relationships

Unfortunately, one major source of stress in the modern world comes from relationships. Instead of providing emotional support in difficult times, relationships with family, friends, and romantic partners tend to add anxiety to our lives. Luckily, mindfulness practice can teach us valuable listening skills necessary for healthy relationships. Since mindfulness practice stresses the importance of non-judgmental acceptance of the present moment, you will naturally develop more patience and become a better listener. With a heightened sense of your inner life, it will become easier for you to read the emotions of others from a non-judgmental viewpoint. This will make you far better at forgiving others for their faults and resolving conflicts.

And believe it or not, numerous studies suggest that there’s a huge correlation between a person’s ability to forgive and his/her pain symptoms. By learning how to be more open to others through mindfulness practice, you’ll easily reduce interpersonal stress with all those around you.

Tips To Get The Most Out Of Mindfulness

Before embarking on your mindfulness journey, you should know that the best way to accrue benefits from mindfulness is to practice it every day. It’s far better to practice for 15 minutes every day than to practice all-day sessions only on the weekends. It’s a great idea to set a time and prepare a quiet space for daily practice.

Thankfully, there are numerous apps you can download that will remind you to practice. A few great mindfulness apps available for free include Calm, MINDBODY, Smiling Mind, and Insight Timer.

People with chronic pain might want to consider purchasing the Curable app. This app uses mindbody therapy techniques, including guided mindfulness meditations, to help address your chronic pain symptoms.

Also, chronic pain sufferers should incorporate other mindfulness practices in addition to meditation for better results. A few other easy mindfulness techniques include going for a relaxing walk every day or listening to soothing music. If your psychosomatic symptoms are debilitating, you might want to consider seeing a psychologist who specializes in chronic pain.

Incorporate Mindfulness Into Your Life Today

Nobody who commits to mindfulness practice regrets it. There’s no doubt that mindfulness has incredible healing potential for people with a wide variety of psychological and physical symptoms. Within a few months of daily practice, you’ll be amazed to see the change in your mood and sense of well-being.

You’ve read 5 Ways Mindfulness Can Relieve Your Chronic Pain, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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10 Things to Avoid Before Going to Bed

You’re reading 10 Things to Avoid Before Going to Bed, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

After working for the whole day, running from one place to another, handling boss and irritating colleagues, the only thing which can make your day is a good sleep. But good sleep doesn’t mean lying in bed for 9 hours and still feeling exhausted after waking up. A good sleep means that even after taking 6 hours of sleep, you should feel recharged again to work for the whole day.
Although there are many things which you can do to get a good, relaxing and deep sleep there are also many habits which you should never follow before going to bed and in this blog post, we will be looking at those 10 things which you should always avoid before going to bed.

1. Alcohol
A small glass of wine before going to bed sounds like a fascinating idea and it surely will help you to fall asleep but if you are concerned about the quality of sleep and then you should never consume any type of alcohol before going to bed.

2. Mobile Phone
Many studies have shown that using a mobile phone, tablet, e-reader or even watching television before going to bed can disrupt your sleeping. So, if you want to experience a deep sleep, then you should always avoid any light-emitting device before going to bed.

3. Caffeine
Caffeine stays in our body for almost 10-12 hours and even a small cup of coffee contains at least 80 to 120 milligrams of caffeine. And you must be aware of the working of caffeine in our body and how the employees of late night shift consume it for staying awake. So avoid consuming any type of caffeine before going to bed.

4. Chocolate
If you are a sweet tooth then consuming chocolate after dinner as a dessert might sound like a very good idea but you should know that even chocolate contains a significant amount of caffeine and especially dark chocolate. So replace your idea of consuming dark chocolate with any other dessert which will not keep your eyes wide open even at midnight.

5. Big Meal
Devouring a big meal before going to bed can also disrupt your sleep. The reason behind this is after taking a big meal, your metabolism has to kick in and that can affect your sleep. It can also lead to gastroesophageal reflux diseases, weight gain, and other serious bad effects on your body.

6. Lots of water
Drinking water is very much necessary throughout the day but if you have completed the quota of your water consumption in a day, then there is no need to drink a jug full of water before going to sleep – it will result in unnecessary trips to the bathroom which obviously disrupt your sleep.

7. Wrong food
Including foods like a cheesecake in your everyday dessert sounds very delicious but you should know that, food products which are high in saturated fat and sugar are a major cause of disrupted sleep.

8. Smoke
Although smoking is injurious to your health, regardless of the time you consume it smoking just before going to bed can cause disruption in your sleeping habit as well. Many people think that smoking will help them relax but the nicotine content in products like cigarettes can make your insomnia worse.

9. Exercise
Just like drinking water, exercise is also very much necessary for keeping you in shape and good health but doing it just before bed allows your-feel good hormones to get active and thus it can also affect your sleep.

10. Bath
A nice warm bath can help your body to relax and then after sometime, you can get lost in your dreams of the deep sleep but if you are planning to go instantly to bed after taking bath then instead of feeling relaxed, it can keep you awake for late night as well.

A good sleep is as necessary as food, air and water are for the body and brain. So, if you want to sleep properly throughout the night, without feeling exhausted for the whole day, then you should always avoid the above-mentioned things before going to bed.

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Saurabh Gupta is a technical content writer at Cloudwalks His area of expertise includes software, cloud computing, cybersecurity and life lessons.

You’ve read 10 Things to Avoid Before Going to Bed, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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From the Experts: 6 Tips to Stay Motivated, Anytime, Anywhere.

You’re reading From the Experts: 6 Tips to Stay Motivated, Anytime, Anywhere., originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

We all have our own moments of doubt, distress, and complete laziness. But what usually determines someone`s success or failure is your ability to stay motivated especially during their toughest times.  I`ve worked on this topic for years and below are some of the things you can do to stay motivated.

1. Work Your Negative Thoughts Out
Tony Robbins was right when he said the difference between you and success is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself. These limiting beliefs are keeping you in doubt and the only way to stay motivated is by exposing them to journaling and expressive writing. Studies have found that those who completed four weekly journaling sessions for eight weeks were less worried and more motivated, than those who didn`t.

2. Remove Performance Barriers
Tim Ferris has a simple learning technique that works like magic. Whenever you`re about to learn a skill or do something new, take some time to list all your reasons to quit.

Your goal, after identifying these barriers, is to complete the first five sessions of whatever you want to practice. Why five? Because that`s what your brain needs to create wirings for new habits.

3. Do Less of The Things That Aren`t Aligned With Your Goals
Sales mogul, Grant Cardone once shared a story about someone who worked with him at McDonald`s. Unlike Cardone who was only there for the money, this guy was super pumped to go to work. Why?Because his goal was to learn everything about the business and open his own McDonald`s franchises. Soon Cardone was fired and that dude went on to achieve his dream.

4. Create Necessity
Brendan Bouchard once asked a client, an Olympic sprinter, who he thought was going to win the race. And the man replied, “I will get on the guy who gets down at the blocks, looks at the finish line and says ‘I`ve got to do this for my mom.”

This is the power of WHY. Whenever you lack motivation, ask yourself why, or for whom, do you want to reach that goal. If you keep digging, you`ll always find something worth working hard for.

5. It`s like a bath
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
You usually hear people saying, “I don`t feel motivated to chase my goals.” Well, maybe if you write them long enough you`ll eventually feel pumped to go after them.

You must commit to writing your goals at least once a day, every day regardless of how good or bad you feel because, at the end of the day, the quality of your life will come down to what you`ve chosen to pay attention to. So you`d better pay attention to something worthy.

When listing your goals, write down whatever makes you pumped. If “I`m making my first million before my 25th birthday” doesn`t motivate you, then think about listing all the things that you want to buy, or experience, when you make your first million. A trip to Italy, a courtside seat in a Lakers` game, spending X amount of dollars guilt-free…etc.

Forget about what others tell you goals should be, as long as the ones you`ve chosen make you feel excited then you`re good to go.

6. Get a Quick Jump on the Day

It`s much easier to change feelings with action that to do it the other way around. Why? Because you have more control over actions than over feelings. As William James once said, “By regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling.”
If there`s one nugget I want to leave you with then let this be it: Productivity comes before motivation and not the other way around. This is why you must start the day with a bang regardless of whether you`re an early bird or a night owl.

The quicker you start the day with a victory, the more motivated you`ll feel during the rest of it. So cut Facebook, meaningless texting or T.V., and focus all your efforts on getting something done.

Any sort of productivity, no matter how small. Just remember that once the ball starts rolling you`ll feel motivated to get more done. An object in motion will stay in motion, so sayeth the law.

Marwan Jamal is a fitness and health blogger at healthline.com and a great fan of the gym and a healthy diet. He follows the trends in fitness, gym, and healthy life and loves to share his knowledge through useful and informative articles.

You’ve read From the Experts: 6 Tips to Stay Motivated, Anytime, Anywhere., originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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How to Journal Your Way to a More Positive Life

You’re reading How to Journal Your Way to a More Positive Life, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Our minds can be our own worst enemy. We can so easily become our biggest critics, letting ourselves drown in negativity, and getting so low that we can’t possibly see any light ahead.

When we get to these low points in our lives, it can seem endless, but all it takes is a shift in perspective and the determination for change. It’s going to take active measures and commitment to invite positivity into your life and make it the most valued guest in your mind.

I find that journaling is a fantastic way to jumpstart this journey as it requires a healthy amount of introspection, planning, and reflection. These 5 journaling activities will challenge you to focus on the good and let go of the bad. Get ready to make way for a more positive life ahead!

Write a thank you letter to the negativity in your life

In order to start your journey toward a more positive life, you must let go of the negative baggage dragging you down. A great way to do this is by writing thank you letters in your journal dedicated to these detractors.

Write letters to negative people, traumatizing experiences, or anything else that plagues your mind. Thank them for the lessons you have learned as a result of your experience with them and recognize that you have become a better person for it.

Express all of the feelings you have associated with these negative forces and say farewell to them for good. In this activity, you are letting go of this baggage and no longer giving it permission to control your life.

Here’s an added bonus: rip out these pages and burn them! You will feel a great release and sense a fresh start on the horizon.

Document the good things

We tend to always remember the negative things that happen to us and neglect the many good moments that occur on a daily basis. Utilize your journal to document every positive thing that happens throughout your day. You will be surprised at how much of that you let yourself forget!

Record your goals

There’s nothing more positive than achieving something you have set out to do. You can make it even more of a valuable experience by recording these goals. Use your journal to write down a list of things you would like to accomplish and make sure to come back to record updates as you progress. You will quickly see how your life moves forward and how you are making efforts to become a better person.

It has also been said that when you write down goals, you are significantly more likely to achieve them! Tackling goals and creating a more positive life? Seems like a win-win to me.

Let it out

The best part about writing in a journal is that it is a no-judgment zone. You won’t have anyone checking for grammar, commenting on your unsavory penmanship, or passing judgment on your thoughts. This gives you the opportunity to be yourself and express your emotions in any way you wish. Journaling can be as casual or formal as you want it to be.

This element of freedom lets you feel more comfortable with “speaking” to your journal and this allows you to better express yourself and work through your emotions. When you have something like this to rely on, you won’t feel so alone and empty in your feelings.

Write about things you’re looking forward to

When it comes to living a positive life, it’s all about looking forward. You are no longer going to dwell on the negativity of the past and on things you cannot change.

With this activity, you are going to list everything you are looking forward to. These can be simple things, like your next paycheck or family visit, or they can be long-term visions, like succeeding in your business or marrying the person you love.

There are always things we can look forward to in life and when you write them down, you won’t be able to help but feel a wee-bit excited.


Nicole DaRosa is passionate about helping women become their most glamorous selves, inside and out. She writes about self-improvement, beauty, journaling, careers, and more on her blog, Glamorously You.

You’ve read How to Journal Your Way to a More Positive Life, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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