Relationships don’t go bad overnight. There are subtle and destructive behavior patterns which erode the bond between spouses or partners. These toxic attitudes can turn a fairytale relationship into an MMA Super Fight.

But not all is lost. When particular destructive patterns of behavior are identified and addressed, a relationship on life support can become healthy again.

Know how to identify these 7 things that might be killing your relationship, so you can catch trouble before it starts.

1. Mind reading

The easiest way to set a relationship on a death spiral is to play armchair psychic. Mind reading takes a posture of assumption instead of listening, judgment instead of compassion.

When we try and read the thoughts, motives, and intentions of another person, their voice is taken away. It dehumanizes the partner and does not give them room for explanation. We all struggle with this one because it’s easier to play “mind reader” than listen to your partner.

If you say, “I know why you did this…” there’s a possibility mind reading has entered the relationship.

2. Criticism

Relationship expert John Gottman, who wrote The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, is known for determining the success of a marriage within five minutes of meeting the couple. One of the deciding factors is evidence of criticism.

Gottman knows couples will complain in their relationships. But he differentiates complaining from criticism. Criticism is more “global” because it attacks the person and not their behavior.

So, how do we know if criticism has crept in? An example would be, “The reason you didn’t pick up the kids is not because you forgot. It’s because you are a terrible father.”

Know how to spot criticism, because it could be killing your relationship.

3. Unrealistic expectations

When you begin a relationship there are certain underlying expectations. These boundaries get wrapped up in behavior and action. This might be particular chores around the house, how money is spent, or how children are disciplined.

Problems emerge when these expectations become unrealistic and the partner feels crushed under the weight of their failing behavior. Most likely this will lead to an unhealthy relationship.

As explained in the article “5 Rules for a More Trustworthy Relationship”, setting unrealistic rules on a spouse or partner is guaranteed to build distrust into the relationship. Healthy and agreed-upon rules and boundaries should free the other person, not enslave them. They should allow the partner to flourish, not flounder.

When you constantly criticize and remind the other person about the “rules,” you are not loving them. When you attack their behavior, never leaving room for grace and correction, this relationship killer might rear its ugly head.

4. Control

The desire to control your partner, according to “5 Relationship Killers,” is rooted in fear and insecurity. A controlling attitude has more to do with us, and less with the partner.

When control enters a relationship, an underlying fear is buzzing behind the surface. It may be fear of not knowing the future. Fear of abandonment. Fear of being seen as a terrible spouse.

Until we get a handle on our own insecurities the partner will suffer.

If we constantly say “Don’t do that,” or “Stop doing this,” we might be a control freak.

5. Comparison

With the ease of staying in touch with past relationships through Facebook, text messages, and other social media, the temptation of comparison is great.

Comparing your current partner with a former relationship is a guaranteed disaster. The comparison is unfair. No one person is the standard for all relationships. If they were so great why did the relationship not work out?

Testing your current relationship, based on a prior one, is a good way to kill your relationship before it begins. Relationships are complex because of timing, maturity of the partner, and emotional stability. These factors change over time.

If you find yourself searching Facebook or daydreaming about past partners you might need to address this relationship killer.

6. Routine

All relationships get stale. When partners get comfortable with one another they stop doing the little things. According to “5 Most Overlooked Relationship Killers”, boredom and disinterest set in.

But this is normal. It just means we need to mix it up. Maybe we need a new routine. A date night every Friday night. A vacation to an exotic locale. Taking up a hobby together. Or finding different ways to communicate with one another.

Routine doesn’t need to have the last say in a relationship. Identify it. Mix it up. Watch your relationship come back to life.

7. Stonewalling

Gottman says, “Stonewalling is about putting up defenses”, and “emotionally disengaging” from the relationship. Every relationship will have conflict and strife on different levels. But, if we stonewall, we are emotionally removing ourselves from the other person.

When conflict arises in the relationship, do we walk away, try to change the subject, or go to the bar? Or, do we allow ourselves to be present in the disagreement?
The greatest gift we can give our partner is to be present emotionally.

Are these relationship killers present in your life? If so, acknowledge them, and set a time to discuss with your partner. This will ensure long-term health, happiness, and stability in all your relationships.

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There are some who believe that a firm hand is the only way to provide order in a household. The notion that spanking can steer children in the right direction has been passed down from generation to generation. Although the topic is debated strongly among parents and teachers alike, there is a certain level of skepticism that pervades the idea that physical correction results in a child who is polite and obediently adheres to the rules.

The skepticism that drives many to the conclusion that there has to be a better alternative to corporeal punishment is now backed by science.

Science shows, in fact, that though spanking can end negative behavior in the short term, the long-term effects do more damage and are less effective than alternative options.

So just what are the effects of spanking? Can they have a long-term impact on how a child grows into an adult?

The effects during childhood are varied but definitively negative and often lead right into adulthood. Spanking has been proven to:

• Decrease brain function. Some studies have linked spanking to increased memory loss and a lower IQ on test results.
• Lead to higher depression and anxiety rates in adulthood.
• Increase the likelihood that they, too, will punish their own children in this way.
• Increase a child’s aggression level now and later down the road.

Some parents even use corporeal punishment as a fix to poor grades, instead of actively getting involved in their children’s education. This backfires, however, as spanking directly relates to the active role of the parent, as well as their means for discipline.

Alternatives to Corporeal Punishment

When in the moment of necessary discipline, it can be difficult to know how and when you should apply an alternative technique. The following list shows other punishment options that are not physically harmful.

• Time-out. A quiet place for your child to sit and calm down is commonly known as a time-out. It gives the child space to regroup his or her thoughts and feelings, and shows that mom or dad will not give positive attention to negative behavior. It’s often recommended that time-out be as long as one minute for each year of the child’s age.
• Taking away certain privileges. This alternative allows the consequence of the behavior to be felt when a privilege is removed for the decided-upon duration. This would generally be a favorite toy or novelty item.
• Discussion. For older children, simply having a discussion about why the behavior is not acceptable can do wonders for preventing the same poor behavior from happening in the future. Younger children tend to not benefit from this alternative as their reasoning skills haven’t quite been fully developed.

Overall, the research is astoundingly positive that spanking and corporeal punishment are of little benefit to the recipient. In fact, using an alternative method for discipline can result in a child who is more likely to follow rules than if spanking alone were used.

Featured photo credit: Upworthy via upworthy.com

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So you’re getting married. Congratulations! Are you planning your wedding and looking for some time and money savings tips? You’ve come to the right place. Consider this truth-telling time so that you can avoid some of the more common pitfalls. Planning your special day can and should be such a fun experience that you’d repeat if you could. Since you don’t want to say, “If I had it to do over again I’d…,” consider the following:

1. People Will Remember Two Things about Your Wedding: The Food and the Feeling

Years from now (or sooner), no one but you and your spouse are going to remember what your invitations, flowers, wedding favors, or cake looked like. So why blow a lot of money on them? In all of the weddings that I have talked with people about, not once has someone said, “Girl, I will never forget their invitation.” People WILL remember and talk about the food and how they felt attending your event. They may not remember exactly what they ate, but they’ll remember whether or not they enjoyed it. They may not remember specific details about the day, but they will remember if they had a great time and if everyone seemed happy. If you keep these two things in the forefront and make them a priority when planning your day, the decisions you make can enable you to save time and money.

2.  Beautiful Invitations Eventually End Up in the Garbage Too

So don’t spend a lot of time obsessing over them or paying a lot of money. If you saw the movie “Bridesmaids,” you probably remember the scene when the main character Annie Walker received an invitation to her best friend’s Paris themed bridal shower. It was a fancy pink striped box that held a candle, statue representing the bride and groom, the printed invitation, and best of all a small box that when opened had a butterfly that flew out and “kissed” her. That invitation package clearly cost some bucks. Of course most invitations aren’t that elaborate, but the point is people are spending a lot of money on something that will eventually end up in the garbage. At least in Annie’s case there was a pretty box to save, and a candle to burn.

Today’s invitations not only set the tone for the wedding, but allow couples to show off their unique style. It should be a fun process, but not one that breaks the bank because no matter how lovely, most of your guests will eventually dispose of it. That’s good money in the trash.

Luckily, there are so many options available that can literally save you hundreds of dollars. From kits that can be purchased at arts and crafts stores, to online retailers like Ann’s Bridal Bargains, there’s something lovely for every budget. Designed your own? Keep costs down by using a discount printing service like Vista Print. Want to design your own, but don’t know where to go? Use a site like Fiverr to get your dream design for less. Want to save even more money? Do away with the paper entirely and send electronic invitations. Sites like Evites provide a number of free and paid options. Better yet, use a site that offers multiple services because…

3.  A Good Wedding Website Can Help You Save Time and Money

They can be super easy to set up and personalized to reflect your individual style. More importantly they can keep you organized by storing everything in one place – which will be a real time saver. Even better? There are a lot of FREE options! A good site will allow you to accept and track wedding RSVPs, display a map to your ceremony site, reception venue, and/or lodging, store vendor information, create a seating chart, maintain a ledger of costs and payments, track gifts and thank you notes, and provide a central location for contact. Sites like Wedding Mapper provide this for free. For couples who want additional amenities, paid upgrades are available. Having it all in one place can save money on aspirin too because there will be fewer headaches. You’ll both know where everything is and you can review it at a glance. To make sure it remains a timesaver, don’t go overboard with the personalization. You know, the telling of your story with pictures, videos, stories and anecdotes. It’s cute, but what people really want from your wedding website is practical information such as directions, and where your registry is located.

4. There are So Many Ways to Get the Dress for Less

Did you know that the average cost of a wedding dress is $1300? That’s a lot of money for something you’ll be wearing once. I’m sure you’ve heard it before but it’s true! Whether you plan to go the traditional route or not, there’s no reason to pay that much, as you can have your perfect dress for so much less. For instance, you can rent a dress for as little as $75 from sites like Rent the Runway. One challenge with rentals is that you can’t alter them, so consider other awesome options like buying a pre-owned dress. Brick and mortar consignment stores that specialize in wedding gowns, as well as online shops like Preownedweddingdresses.com offer a great selection and an even greater savings. Retail stores like Black House White Market and J. Crew have gotten into the wedding dress game, offering great styles at fantastic prices. Many brides have their dream dress made overseas for as low as $200! Intrigued? The book, “Bridal Bargains: Secrets to Throwing a Fantastic Wedding on a Realistic Budget,” by Denise Fields describes how to do just that, along with tons of other money saving wedding tips. If you can bear to part with your dress after the wedding you can recoup some of the cost by selling or consigning it for another bride to wear and love. I purchased my dress (pictured above) from a consignment store for $250 and I LOVED it.

5. Avoid Bridal Magazines & Television Shows

The first time I actually looked at a bridal magazine was after I purchased my dress, shoes and accessories. I was thrilled with my choices as they were “me.” I hadn’t decided on the hair 100% and thought I might find inspiration in a few magazines. All I can say is that I was over the moon happy that I had already purchased everything because the magazines did what they were designed to do – make me ooh, ahh, salivate and desire, regardless of the ridiculous prices. There was even a moment, a tiny one but still, where I doubted my dress and wished for one in the magazine. Don’t go down that rabbit hole. Magazines and shows about dream weddings will clue you into things that you would otherwise never, EVER, have thought about “needing” or wanting – promoting a false idea of what a wedding is supposed to be or should have. More choice is not necessarily better in this case. Pearl encrusted bridal bouquet holder. Beautiful?  Oh, yes. Ridiculous and completely unnecessary? Absolutely!

6. Beautiful, Money Saving Wedding Flowers are Possible and Make a Lot of “Cents”

Wedding flowers cost an average of $1200. Say what?! Someone please explain why so much money is spent on wedding flowers. To keep costs down while still having beautiful flowers, consider the following. Buy flowers that are currently in bloom, otherwise you’ll pay a premium for your dream flower that’s out of season. If you’re using a florist, don’t tell them that you’re purchasing for a wedding, at least until your final price is locked in. It’s like roses on Valentine’s Day. The price will go up.

If you’re willing to design the arrangement yourself, consider using an online flower wholesaler like Fifty Flowers. Wholesale clubs like Sam’s Club and Costco are also great choices for pretty flowers for less. Or you can do what we did and showcase the flowers as accents as opposed to the primary décor or centerpiece. My husband and I scouted three locations, two supermarkets and a farmer’s market, that had beautiful and inexpensive flowers.  We chose three so there were options if one had a bad day. The day before the wedding we bought what we liked and spent $100, including the $5 DIY bridal bouquet. It’s amazing what a few bottles, vases, and ribbon will do! Pictured above is one of the flower accents used during the outdoor cocktail hour.  Not only did we save a ton of money, we saved time as well because we limited our choices to what was available and on hand.

7.  Wedding Décor Can be Totally Sharp, Classy, AND Inexpensive

Many couples use flower arrangements as their table centerpieces which can add a lot to your budget’s bottom line. You can slash your budget significantly by being creative and using an almost infinite number of options for your centerpieces and décor. How? Three words: Coupons, Ebay, and borrowing. Craigslist counts too. For the DYIer, arts and crafts stores like Michael’s provides inspiration, as well as 50% off coupons. White string lights which are practically a holiday time staple and are probably sitting in your basement, or can be borrowed from family and friends, can create a magical dreamscape. Tea light candles, even flameless ones, in decorative holders add romantic drama and can be had by the dozens for twenty to fifty dollars on eBay. Still want flowers? Use them as accents as shown in the photo above. Not only will you save money, but your guests will be able to see each other over this lovely centerpiece.

8. You are Not Limited to a Specific Caterer

Since the food (and drink) is one of the things that will stand out in your guests’ memory, you want to get this one right. It’s not about your budget, per se because done well, hamburgers and hot dogs can be great wedding food. All things being equal however, if your goal is to provide a fancy-ish catered meal and it comes down to choosing between “lesser quality” food options so you can, let’s say buy the fancier decorations, spend the money on the food.  It will feel worth it when people ask when they can expect to be invited back for your next event.  As far as I know, no one has ever asked for a repeat invite because of pretty decorations. With that said, these money saving wedding tips can help you have the menu that you want and eat it too.

Yes, you can definitely save money on food by holding your reception during less popular times (think Friday night or Sunday brunch). It is also true that buffets are generally less expensive than sit-down meals. However, the biggest food money saver occurs when you hold your reception at a venue that allows you to cater with whomever you wish.  Doing this one thing will allow you to control everything from your price point to all of your food choices. Finding a venue that will allow you to do this may take a little work, but the savings can be immense. When working with a caterer, do not tell them that you are planning a wedding menu until your menu and price has been locked in. As with the flowers example above, wedding packages may very well be priced higher than other options.

My husband and I saved a ton of money by using a company that specialized in college dining services. Many college food service operations are contracted out to specialized companies that may also have catering arms. Your memories of college dining hall food may not be fond, but you may be surprised at how well they do fancy. Set up a tasting to see. It could very well be the biggest cost saver of your wedding.  Other tips include renting table cloths, china, tables and chairs from party companies because it may be less expensive than through the caterer. Also, sometimes buying the table cloths is even cheaper than renting and you can sell them and recoup some of the cost!

9. Your Wedding Cake Doesn’t Have to be Large Enough to Serve Everyone

Heck, it doesn’t even have to be a cake! The wedding industry certainly knows how to get us to buy into whatever they are selling. The cake is no exception. To hear them tell it we need a specially engraved cake knife and server, as well as a floral bouquet for the knife. That’s right. Flowers. For the knife. That cuts your cake. Seriously? Novelty options such as cupcakes, small pies, ice cream sundaes, Viennese tables and more can be marvelous options which on the face of it sound like they would be less expensive than a fancy cake. Just make sure that they are. If you need to have a wedding cake, consider a small one, appropriate for the two of you to enjoy and have your yummy, yet less expensive sheet cake in the back ready to be sliced and served. Believe me, no one is going to wonder or care how all of those square slices came from a small round cake. Tip: Order a cake for half the number of guests attending and serve half slices. If you’ve ever been to a wedding you’re sure to have seen all of leftovers from partially eaten slices that were then just thrown away. By now people are up and mingling.

10. You Could Spend Forever Selecting the Perfect Wedding Favor

For once, the issue here isn’t as much about money as it is about time. There are so many cute wedding favor ideas (that your guests will actually enjoy) that you could devote hours, no days poring over all of the options. The best way to insure that your party favor doesn’t set you back a lot of money is to be open to the possibilities. People who are locked into an idea, and inflexible regarding what they will accept,  incur the greatest cost. Sites like TheWeddingShop.theKnot.com have everything from personalized chocolate covered pretzels, to olive oil, chap stick, mints in decorative tins and more for prices that will make you smile. If you can live without personalization you could save even more. For instance, we bought milk chocolate heart-shaped lollipops (pictured above) that were on sale on the Godiva website for $2 each with free shipping. Some folks “oohed” because it was Godiva, but for us it was more like, “Yummy. Awesome price. Order it. Done!” Make a pact for how much time you will spend making your favor decision and stick to it. That’ll be one less thing on your to do list.

11. There’s Such a Thing as an Ipod DJ!

Live Band or DJ? Neither, since the average price of a live band is $3,000 and a reception DJ is $1000, thank-you-very-much. Thanks to rentable Ipod DJ equipment you can have great wedding music for $500 or less. Locate a rental company that carries this type of equipment. The rental cost could be as low as $65 a day. Rent some speakers appropriate for the size of the venue. You could even bypass the Ipod DJ equipment totally by renting speakers that allow you to connect your Ipod directly to them. Either way, plug in your iPod and you’re good to go! Okay, so it’s not quite that simple. You have some choices to make. Will you develop your own playlist or pay a DJ to record a dance set for you? With some time you can pretty easily develop your own pre-ceremony, ceremony, cocktail and dinner hour playlists. The dance playlist can be a little trickier as you want to include songs that will appeal to everyone as well as have the right mix of fast and slow songs. If you’re confident in your abilities then what you spend in time you will definitely save in money. As far as the duties that a DJ usually handles such as introducing the bridal party and the speeches, etc., and pushing the play button on your electronic DJ, ask and assign someone in your wedding party to handle those responsibilities.

These are just some of the many money saving wedding tips to be had. With a little time and research you’ll find substantial savings on other aspects of your wedding such as your photographer (no, don’t use uncle Bill), transportation (are limos necessary?), ceremony programs, printed menus, embossed place settings (remember, these get thrown away like invitations), keeping the guest list small, and more. How do you plan to save? Mazel Tov!

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Did you know that the majority of U.S. employees are satisfied with their jobs? According to a Society for Human Resource Management survey, 81% of U.S. employees reported overall satisfaction with their current jobs. Satisfaction is nice but hardly exciting. Let’s look at the signs love work!

1. You don’t dread the work week; You look forward to Monday morning.

When you love your work, you look forward to Monday morning. Even the most successful people have difficult weeks but if you love your work, those weeks are the exception rather than the rule.

2. You don’t arrive late, but you do arrive early.

Arriving on time (or early!) shows your interest in your work. While everyone is late from time to time due to traffic or personal challenges, happy professionals are known for their punctual habits.

After all, how often are you late for something you’re looking forward to? If you work from home, getting an early start is an even greater sign that you enjoy your work.

3. You don’t complain about work; You speak about your work with enthusiasm.

Many happy professionals take pride in sharing their passion for their work with others. For example, you may be an active contributor to a LinkedIn Group dedicated to your profession.

Or you may simply enjoying answering the question “What do you do for a living?” If you are delighted,

4. You focus on winning instead of just getting by.

Winning is a quality that sets happy professionals apart from their unhappy peers who aim to “get through” each day. Adopting a winning attitude at work gives you momentum to work on challenging goals in the rest of your life.

– Learn how to Keep winning by reading 7 Things Your Boss Expects You Know About Winning At Work.

5. You’re not a clock watcher, but you do lose track of time.

When you are deeply involved in enjoyable work, you lose track of time. Minutes and hours fly by like seconds. It’s a wonderful feeling!

Flow, a concept discovered by researcher Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, is a state of very deep focus on a task. It helps you break through challenging problems and represents a new level of productivity.

– Tip: Getting into flow doesn’t have to be rocket science – Achieve Flow by Hacking Your Tasks.

6. You ask for more responsibility instead of worrying about work load.

When you love your workplace and profession, you are hungry for more work. Over time, many people become more productive at their work tasks. Instead of heading home at 4 pm, you ask for more work to do to remain productive.

7. You don’t complain about your company; Instead, you laugh with your colleagues.

The people you work with make a big difference on how much joy you feel at your workplace. When you laugh with people at the office, it’s much easier to relax and have an effectively perspective on problems.

In contrast, unhappy workers tend to work with people with a negative attitude.

Nobody denies that problems exist at work but there’s little to be gained by obsessing over problems.

8. You are proud of your work accomplishments instead of complaining about shortcomings.

Preparing for your annual review is a joy when you love your work. Why? Because you’re proud of everything that you achieved. Your email archives are full of positive comments from management and customers.

You exceeded your sales quota. You may even be winning awards for your performance.

– Tip: Take pride in your accomplishments on a regular basis by writing a short monthly summary of your work accomplishments. You may be pleasantly surprised at your results!

9. You don’t avoid requests for help; Instead, you help the people around you.

Helping a coworker out is a sign that you are a leader who understands the importance of teamwork. Helping out at work takes a variety of forms.

For example, you may offer to cover a coworker’s responsibilities when she covers on vacation. Or you may buy a treat for someone who is having a tough day. When you love your work, you are proactive in helping the people around you reach their goals.

10. You don’t run away from conflict, but you manage it effectively.

Even when you love your work, conflict is bound to happen. Whether you have different personalities or different understandings of a contract, conflict happens at the office. Effective professionals face conflict head on and resolve problems.

Once conflicts are solved, they can get back to winning and helping their coworkers.

11. You don’t get bored at work; Instead, you realize there is always something new to discover.

Having a sense of wonder is a key element of happiness. At the office, discovering something new each week keeps work interesting. You might, for example, discover some Microsoft Excel hacks from the department’s resident Excel ninja.

Or you might learn how to get funding for your MBA! The potential discoveries are limitless. Seek out those discoveries and you will ultimately become happier at work.

Featured photo credit: Happiness/geralt via pixabay.com

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When your home life is stable, happy, and supportive, you are tremendously more effective at work. A stellar example is the marriage of Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck. Since their relationship began in 2004, they’ve enjoyed tremendous personal and career success. Ben has directed and played in several movies, and Jennifer has starred and played in many of her own. They’ve done all this while having and raising their three children. How are they so unstoppable? They clearly have a wonderful relationship. In every photo of them I’ve seen, they’re smiling and affectionate.

What’s at the core of their happy marriage?

1. They are both conscientious.

They keep things organized in a way that’s respectful and effective. According to SheKnows.com, “Garner has her life together and acts as the head of the household in a way that merely keeps things organized, rather than emasculating her man.” This kind of conscientiousness is a huge factor in the kinds of relationships that set people up for success. According to Inc. Magazine, “Researchers at Washington University in St. Louis found that people with relatively prudent and reliable partners tend to perform better at work, earning more promotions, making more money, and feeling more satisfied with their jobs.”

2. Jennifer and Ben appreciate each other as individuals, rather than trying fit any certain mold.

They’ve found a working harmony in the household that not only leverages, but even celebrates, each others’ strengths. In an interview with E, Jennifer says, “For better or worse, I tend to be the one who says, ‘This is what needs to happen.’ I know who wants what lunch, and I’ve done all the school paperwork and filled out the emergency cards. Ben doesn’t even know that stuff exists. He is in charge of laughter. No matter how much I tickle them or toss them or chase them around, it’s not the same. If I’m the slow, steady drumbeat, he’s the jazz.” Jennifer doesn’t expect Ben to do exactly what she’s doing; that would be ineffective because they’d be stepping all over each other. Instead, she thrives in her own chosen role, and Ben shines in his. Together, they create a beautiful, loving environment for themselves, each other, and their children. In addition to being conscientious and appreciating each other’s unique strengths and dispositions, Ben and Jennifer have another strength:

3. They find solace in trusting and confiding in each other when the going gets tough.

This trifecta creates a cocoon of harmony, which does wonders for each of their careers. For example, when Ben and Jennifer were first dating, he had a few ill-received films in a row, which got him a lot of negative public attention from critics and fans alike. He shares with US Weekly, “I sunk into a morass. My wife was definitely around then. Getting to know her, falling in love with her and being connected with her gave me a foundation to reach out and say, Okay, I’m going to do Hollywoodland; I’m going to direct Gone Baby Gone. Those were the steps forward I needed to put positive stuff on the board. She is by leaps and bounds the most important person to me in that respect. Over the past 10 years, she has allowed me to have a stable home life while accomplishing my professional goals.”

So how do you choose the right partner who will help set you up for success?

1. Choose someone who’s stable, conscientious, and has their life together.

Jennifer and Ben are both stable people who know what they want and who they are. This kind of stability is a bedrock of support in a relationship. So many couples are chronically putting out fires that would have been completely avoided if they’d given proper attention toward the right things first. True stability comes from taking personal responsibility for one’s wellbeing and life.

2. Choose someone who appreciates uniqueness in his/herself and others.

The best relationships are beacons of love and celebration. People are so fun and unique, and when we are celebrated that way inside a relationship, we are inspired to show up even more that way. Imagine if Jennifer was always nagging Ben about the kids’ school paperwork. He wouldn’t have the buoyancy and joy to “be the jazz” as she calls it, which doesn’t get the paperwork done but does add happiness and play to everyone in the family, including Jennifer. She’s happy to take care of the papers when he’s making everyone laugh.

3. Choose someone who you feel comfortable with and can confide in and trust.

When Ben was having a hard time in his career, he went to Jennifer for non-judgmental love and support, which she freely gave. When each partner in a relationship does this for the other, they become a united front and take on life’s challenges together. This is a huge advantage when it comes to building success, not only on a practical level but an emotionally soothing one as well. We are social creatures, and to have another creature at home who we’re partnering with, who we can trust and enjoy life with, helps us become successful with a special sense of ease.

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There’s a reason why two people stay together. They give each other something nobody else can.

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Anyone in the professional world knows and understand the importance of a manager in business, managers bring organisation and order amongst diverse crowds, another overlooked role of management skills is how it can help in your personal life and how you engage with others.

The list below outlines management skills (not taught in business school) that can help both your professional and private life

1. Have great people skills

People skills as defined by the business dictionary are “a set of skills enabling a person to get along with others, to communicate ideas effectively to achieve personal or business goals”. Most of our events around in life are centered on interacting with people. Effective leaders who get things done possess such abilities, they interact with different kinds of subordinates, from lazy ones to hardworking ones and even their least favorite person but they have mastered how to manage people for more effective results. This is a great ability to own in life as it creates a more pleasant environment not just for you but the people around you.

2. Increase your Emotional Quotient

EQ, also known as emotional intelligence. Being in a leadership position, people often look up to you in the midst of crisis. Being able to empathize with others is what true leaders are made of. Emotional intelligence is being able to take others feeling into consideration yet still making rational decisions that benefits all parties involved. One such leader is Nelson Mandela. A freedom fighter who brought democracy to South Africa during the apartheid era. None of this would’ve been achieved had he not chosen to get rid of negative and toxic emotions and the anger that fed the black South Africans

3. Have good motivational skills

Any manager who wishes to be better than ordinary knows that a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. Being able to motivate employees and get them as amped about the project as you are, is a rare gift. Great management is not about throwing your weight around trying to show whose boss, buts it’s about being of service. One such man is Martin Luther King Jr, an activist of the civil right movement in the USA and it all started with a dream, a dream where everyone would be treated equally despite their race and that motivated thousands to join in the movement and fight for racial equality. Moral of the story, majority of people appreciate being around those who have a positive outlook in life and that is what sets leaders apart.

4. Be a game changers

Good management work well on the system, great management changes the system. It’s that word again, innovation. It’s not about being a rebel and fighting the system, but it’s about asking the why question. You don’t always have to follow the latest trends, sometimes even the little changes bring about revolutions to human civilization If that is too dramatic for you, just look at the iPad, Disney and many other greats who started with a single step.

5. Have a vision

AMC broadcasts a TV series called The Walking Dead, this may need no introduction for most but for those who do not know the show, the lead character is a man named Rick Grimes, played by Andrew Lincoln. The character is fictitious but still has a skill that every great manager should possess, having a vision, communicating that vision and seeing it through to the end. The plot is centered on the Zombie apocalypse and in season 3 of the series, his team of survivors see a prison, and while the rest are content to be on their merry way, Rick convinces the team to stay, he then persuades them of ridding the prison from the zombies and after that, just like he envisaged, they were able to turn the prison into a habitable and safe haven. Whether you believe in Zombies or not, you cannot doubt that having a vision and getting your team to not only see it but believe in it being a reality is the kind of cloth true leadership is cut from

6. Have great public speaking skills

Every manager is a communicator. Effective communication is crucial to those you manage to understand instructions given. More than that you should be able to speak publicly in an irreproachable manner. This point ties up with motivation, people skills and sharing visions. Speaking to big crowds to get your point across is also a good self-esteem booster, you will find yourself mentally stimulated and it forces you to become a person with valuable insights and opinions to share with others.

7. Listening skills

This is most important especially for managers who deal with big teams. Listening skills may sound obvious but it’s one many lack. The ability to; hear someone, understand them, sympathize with them, be on the lookout for ideas, watch out for body language, be attentive to the tone used, wait patiently for the person speaking to finish without interrupting – no matter how valid your point-, remove all other distractions and still put the person at ease all in a matter of minutes, is indeed something worth accomplishing. When you listen you become more objective, people feel respected when they know you’ve heard them out and can give rational reasons as to why or why not. Listening also makes you appear smarter.

8. Great intra-personal skills

Intra-personal skills is basically being self-aware. Knowing oneself, understanding self and appreciating your innermost feelings. Yes, this is all about YOU! Do you know what your shortcomings are? Do you know where your limitations are, are you aware of your strengths, do you know what angers you most, have you mastered how to control it? These are typical questions intra-personal skills answer amongst many others. When you know who you are and what you want, not only will you find it easier to understand and tolerate others but you become less judgmental of peoples flaws, this also gives you willingness to help others and their short comings

9. Be decisive

This skill matters most in the midst of crisis where the only option is the right option. Great managers are able to make decisions quickly and effectively when the occasion calls for it Mark Zuckerberg says he wears the same outfit everyday so as to not waste time making decisions on futile matters. Your values do not have to be the same as Zuckerberg’s but the underlying principle is worth taking note. Decisiveness saves you more time than anything and it also helps with fast thinking skills, something we need every day.

10.  Have conceptual skills

This is not just a skill required by CEO’s and executive directors. Conceptual skills as defined by education-portal.com are; the ability to think creatively and understand complicated or abstract ideas. Managers usually have to formulate ideas, plan, organize and strategize on execution. This skill helps with thinking and problem solving ability. When your mind is wired to always find solutions, you will find yourself solving even those matters that you thought were impossible to overcome. This makes your life much easier and more enjoyable.

11. Be disciplined

The success of the Japanese economy is largely attributed to their uncanny ability to be self- disciplined. When mangers put down goals and targets that need to be accomplished, they lead by example and one such example is showing discipline. Not quitting and giving up until goals have been met. Doing what is required, when required without excuses. Discipline will help you achieve your personal goals, even something as big as starting your own business, because with discipline, whatever you put to mind you accomplish.

12. Be technologically savvy

This dos not require you to program software or code but knowing your computer is a survival skill in the 21^st century. Managers in organisations are confronted by new in-house systems or applications and even basic databases, having Intel on new technology keeps you abreast and gives you competitive advantage. There is just no excuse to not knowing simple MS office. The web is full of information and online courses bridge any digital gap.

13. Learn how to delegate

Most people in position of authority don’t delegate out of fear that no one can do the job like they can, and that is the wrong approach to it. In fact having someone do something completely different to how you get it done is sometimes the source of innovation in the organisation. Delegation gives others the opportunity to show their strengths as well, it allows for fair game and saves you time to focus on your priority list.

14. Be a team builder

There is nothing better than a manager who build a sense of unity in an organisation. People work better in teams and even more so, can be very productive when they feel they belong. Great managers build good team spirit and always look out for their teams. People trust you more when they believe you have their best interest at heart.

15. Brush up on your skills

This is not just for managers but for everyone in general. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you’re done with school after a degree or writing board exam. The learning never stops. You can learn new skills as well or get the update on what’s new in your industry. The worse position to be in is irrelevant.

Becoming a better you is something worth striving for and what’s even more rewarding is not so much reaching your goals but who you become in pursuit of them.

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Failure occurs everyday, in school, jobs, housework, and within families. It is unavoidable, irritating and causes pessimism. While the thought of flinging your hands in the air and walking away is all too appealing, take a second to connect with the people who have been there and survived.

Here are a few successful failures who all failures around the world should consider.

1. J.K. Rowling

During a Harvard commencement speech, Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling outlined the importance and value of failure. Why? Simply because she was once a failure too. A few short years after her graduation from college, her worst nightmares were realized. In her words, “I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears that my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.” Coming out of this failure stronger and more determined was the key to her success.

2. Steve Jobs

The now revolutionary Apple started off with two men in a garage. Years later we all know it as a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. Yet, almost unbelievably, Steve Jobs was fired from the very company he began. The dismissal made him realize that his passion for his work exceeded the disappointment of failure. Further ventures such as NeXT and Pixar eventually led Jobs back to the CEO position at Apple.

“I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me,” Jobs said in 2005.

Lost your job today? Keep kicking and you could be just like this guy!

3. Bill Gates

Bill Gates was a Harvard dropout. He co-owned a business called Traf-O-Data, which was a true failure.

However, skill and a passion for computer programming turned this failure into the pioneer of famous software company Microsoft ,and the then 31-year-old into the world’s youngest self-made billionaire.

In his own words: “It’s fine to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure.”

This isn’t to say that dropping out of Harvard will make you into a billionaire, but maybe that shiny degree isn’t worth as much as the drive and passion to succeed.

4. Albert Einstein

The word ‘Einstein’ is associated with intelligence and synonymous with genius. Yet it is a famous fact that the pioneer of the theory of general relativity, Albert Einstein himself, could not speak fluently until the age of nine. His rebellious nature led to expulsion from school, and he was refused admittance to the Zurich Polytechnic School.

His earlier setbacks did not stop him from winning the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1921. After all, he believed that “success is failure in progress.” To this day, his research has influenced various aspects of life including culture, religion, art, and even late night TV.

Just because you haven’t achieved anything great yet, doesn’t mean you can’t be an Einstein yourself.

5. Abraham Lincoln

Failing in business in 1831, suffering a nervous breakdown in 1836, defeated in his run for president in 1856, Abraham Lincoln was no stranger to rejection and failure. Rather than taking these signs as a motivation for surrender, he refused to stop trying his best.

In this great man’s words: “My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure.”

Lincoln was elected in 1861 as the 16th President of the United States of America.

The amount of rejection you receive is not a defining factor. Success is still within your reach.

6. Michael Jordan

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” This quote by retired basketball legend Michael Jordan in a Nike advertisement speaks for itself.

It would be an easy misconception that Jordan’s basketball skills revolve around natural talent. In fact, in his earlier years,  basketball coaches had trouble looking past the fact that Jordan didn’t reach the minimum height. It was years of effort, practice, and failure that made the star we know today.

7. Steven Spielberg

Regarded as one of the most influential filmmakers of all time, Steven Spielberg is a familiar household name. It is surprising to realize therefore that the genius behind Jaws and E.T. had poor grades in high school, getting him rejected from the University of Southern California three times.

While he was in college, he caught the eye of executives at Universal, who signed him as a television director in 1969. This meant that he would not finish his college degree for another 33 years.

Perseverance and acceptance of failure is the key to success, after all. “Even though I get older, what I do never gets old, and that’s what I think keeps me hungry.” Bad grades in high school aside, there is no questioning the genius involved.

To date, Spielberg has directed 51 films and has been awarded three Oscars.

8. Walt Disney

Mickey Mouse creator Walt Disney dropped out of school at a young age in a failed attempt at joining the army. One of his earlier ventures, Laugh-o-Gram Studios, went bankrupt due to his lack of ability to run a successful business. He was once fired from a Missouri newspaper for “not being creative enough.”

Yet today, The genius behind Disney studios is responsible for generations of childhood memories and dreams. From Snow White to Frozen, Disney will continue to entertain the world for generations to come.

The logic behind this is simple: “… we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”

9. Vincent Van Gogh

During his lifetime Vincent Van Gogh suffered mental illness, failed relationships, and committed suicide at the age of 37.

He only ever sold one painting in his life, pinning him a failure as an artist. However that did not put a damper on his enthusiasm and passion for art.

He would never know that years and years after his death he would become known as a key figure in the world of post-impressionism, and ultimately, one of the greatest artist that ever lived. He would never know that he became a hot topic in art classes and his image was going to be used in TV, books and other forms of popular culture.

In the words of this great, but tragic man, “If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.”

10. Stephen King

As a paranoid, troubled child, tormented by nightmares and raised in poverty, it is no surprise that Stephen King grew up to the title: “Master of Horror”.

An addiction to drugs and alcohol were his mechanisms to cope with the unhappiness he felt with his life. The frustration he felt towards multiple rejections by publishers in combination with illicit substances caused him to mentally contemplate violence towards his own children.

These intense emotions were those that he focused onto his writing. This became his new coping mechanism, and this is how the master author we know today grew to success.

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Most people know that yoga is a great form of exercise for your body, but have you ever wondered what your bones look like as they move through the positions?

Luckily enough, artists from Hybrid Mechanical Animation have created a stunning animation of the human body doing yoga in an X-ray machine.The video is as scientifically accurate as possible, combining yoga positions with animation to show the beauty of the human skeleton. Who knew our bones were so graceful?

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No great love ever came without great struggle.

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