The Truth About Tinder Dating

For a lot of people, Tinder dating is one of the best things that ever happened. There, they can meet a lot of potential partners who can get into a relationship with them. While some are successful, others aren’t.

So, you’ve downloaded the app and placed a 10/10 selfie as your profile photo. You giggled to yourself at your clever bio. Now, should you begin swiping?

A big “No”.

You ask why?

its a match tinder
Via cnet

– Oh hell no, he’s from the Valleys.
– His chest is SO hairy!
– He’s got a dog- way too big of a commitment.
– He’s a farmer. I’m not ready to be shoveling shit at 5 am.
– Why on earth is he using the butterfly Snapchat filter?
– 5’8″? Nope, he’s vertically challenged.
– Why is it ALWAYS the ugly one in a group photo?
– Okay, he’s interested in Politics, History, and Sociology. I feel like he’s far too intelligent for me.
– Ugh! He’s actually pouting!
– Is he seriously doing that pose? I don’t know if that’s supposed to be a joke.

And here’s more:

– Swearing at the camera. Charming!
– His sunglasses are actually offensive to my eyes. Ew!
– 19 is a bit TOO young, although he is fit.
– No hair. Pass.
– Why is he carrying one of those fake Gucci shoulder bags? The worst creation I’ve ever seen.
– ‘My 3-year-old boy is my world’. Oh, no. I’m not ready for that kind of commitment.
– Ooh, this guy? Fit- not.

So, why are women so shallow on Tinder? People can’t stop judging each other there.

The Real Deal with Tinder

Tinder is a genius app if you’re self-obsessed and if you enjoy rating people like you’re Tyra Banks from America’s Next Top Model. Unfortunately, not everyone you’ll see in that app can pass your standards.

There’s a good chance you could be swiping 32-year old, Carlsberg-swigging Neil who works in the garage and frequents students’ house parties because he’s not ready to grow up.

And you know what?

There are quite a few Neils in the Tinder world. In fact, I have dated a few of them.

tinder logo

Tinder dating unleashes a whole new world that I wasn’t definitely ready for…

1. Dating a 33-year old guy who lived at home and sent me photos of which cardi he should wear for work.
2. Going for pizza with a roid head who had a secret fetish of pulling on my double chin. I genuinely wish this was a lie.
3. Being taken to the cinema and my date falling asleep on me halfway through Crimson Peak. I really liked that film, you know.
4. Being sent a wrong text message basically saying that I was one of four he was dating. When asked what number I was, he said two. Damn.
5. During university, I actually considered letting Darren come around and massage my feet for £100.

So, does Tinder work?

tinder app
Via thetechnews

I am sure that you can get a few dates (with Neil) there or maybe free food. However, I really don’t think Tinder is the one for marriage.

Well, it didn’t work for me. Although I did have a giggle at Neil 1, 2 and 3, I feared that when I am 30 years old, I’ll be sitting on my sofa watching Bridget Jones and convincing myself that Neil from Cardiff would look okay- if he shaved his sideburns & stopped wearing socks with his Jesus sandals.

Swipe you later girls and guys!

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What’s in a T-Shirt?

MoMA’s “Items: Is Fashion Modern?” refers less to a period of time than to a way of relating to time itself—of dealing with and mingling the past, present, and future. The show features items that have been invented anew, used for present needs, or re-appropriated self-consciously to signal one’s identity, for political purposes, for nostalgic reasons, or simply as irony. Together, the exhibition and catalog present what could be considered a fashion “canon” for contemporary life.  

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Norwegian Woods

Edvard Munch was never simply a Norwegian artist. His appeal, like his own life, has always been both local and cosmopolitan at the same time. He may be best known internationally for his anguished paintings of the 1890s, especially for the group of works he created between 1893 and 1910 and called, in German, Der Schrei der Natur (The Scream of Nature). In Norway, on the other hand, he is at least as well known, and deservedly so, for his monumental paintings in the Festival Hall, dedicated to the sun and its pale, oblique Nordic light. Two recent exhibitions, one just closed in Oslo, one just opening in New York, suggest the broad range of this complicated but consistently capable artist.

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The B&N Podcast: National Book Award Winner Jesmyn Ward

We originally published our podcast episode with novelist Jesmyn Ward back in September.  We’re highlighting it again as we congratulate the author on her win of the 2017 National Book Award for Fiction for Sing, Unburied, Sing.

Every author has a story beyond the one that they put down on paper. The Barnes & Noble Podcast goes between the lines with today’s most interesting writers, exploring what inspires them, what confounds them, and what they were thinking when they wrote the books we’re talking about.

Jesmyn Ward’s writing marries a devastating realism with a unique sensitivity to the long echoes of violence and trauma. Her National Book Award-winning novel Salvage the Bones brought mythic resonance to the ordeal of a family from a town on the Mississippi Gulf Coast during the days just before and after the devastation of hurricane Katrina. Her new novel Sing, Unburied, Sing nods to William Faulkner and Toni Morrison with a tale of addiction, imprisonment, love and struggle — told by the living, the dying and by ghosts. In this episode, Miwa Messer talks with Jesmyn Ward about her electric fiction.

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In Jesmyn Ward’s first novel since her National Book Award–winning Salvage the Bones, this singular American writer brings the archetypal road novel into rural twenty-first-century America. Ward gives us an epochal story, a journey through Mississippi’s past and present that is both an intimate portrait of a family and an epic tale of hope and struggle.

Jojo and his toddler sister, Kayla, live with their grandparents, Mam and Pop, and the occasional presence of their drug-addicted mother, Leonie, on a farm on the Gulf Coast of Mississippi. Leonie is simultaneously tormented and comforted by visions of her dead brother, which only come to her when she’s high; Mam is dying of cancer; and quiet, steady Pop tries to run the household and teach Jojo how to be a man. When the white father of Leonie’s children is released from prison, she packs her kids and a friend into her car and sets out across the state for Parchman farm, the Mississippi State Penitentiary, on a journey rife with danger and promise.

Click here to see all books by Jesmyn Ward.

Like this podcast? Subscribe on iTunes or Stitcher to discover intriguing new conversations every week.

 

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Russia’s Gay Demons

Early in Vladimir Putin’s first presidency I spoke to a Moscow banker, with reason to care on this point, who said he detected no trace of anti-Semitism in Putin personally, but that Putin would encourage popular anti-Semitism in a second if he thought that doing so would serve his interests. So far, Putin has not felt the need to demonize Russia’s Jews. He has instead identified the enemy within as Russia’s homosexuals, whose persecution is one of the main themes of The Future Is History, Masha Gessen’s remarkable group portrait of seven Soviet-born Russians whose changing lives embody the changing fortunes and character of their country as it passed from the end of Communist dictatorship under Mikhail Gorbachev to improvised liberalism under Boris Yeltsin and then back to what Gessen sees as renewed totalitarianism under Putin.

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Dive into adventure at Biscayne National Park in Florida….

Dive into adventure at Biscayne National Park in Florida. Stretching out from a shoreline fringed with mangrove forest, the majority of the park covers the aquamarine waters of Biscayne Bay and extends into the Atlantic Ocean. Boating and fishing are popular activities, but some of the best views of Biscayne are found under the water, exploring the third largest coral reef in the world. Photo by Shaun Wolfe, National Park Service.

Are You Too Complacent In A Relationship?

Do you remember when you would check the mirror, adjust your hair and perhaps, put on cologne before seeing your mate? You wanted to put your best foot forward to make sure you would impress and attract.

Now, let’s be real.

After a few years in a relationship, we become so comfortable with one another that a lot of those little details don’t happen anymore.

Becoming complacent in a relationship is a double-edged sword. It shows that the love is unconditional and that our partner accepts us for who we are, good things and bad. The problem, however, is that you no longer put the effort you were giving before. When we start acting as though those details don’t matter anymore, a lot of things in the relationship change.

Now, if you are starting to worry about being complacent in a relationship, check these signs below.

You no longer hide the array of sounds (and smells) that your body produces

You may be thrilled that your relationship is close enough that you no longer have to leave the room every time you let out a bit of air. Unfortunately, your partner may not share your enthusiasm. Consider it something to keep to yourself and take it somewhere else whenever possible.

You have lost interest in personal grooming

It isn’t necessary to slap on some aftershave each time you walk past the mirror. In fact, it would probably be an overkill.

You should, however, make it a point to shower daily and brush your teeth regularly. Yes, your partner may love you no matter what but you shouldn’t make her work to remind herself why.

You mumble some version of “love you babe” frequently and without eye contact

Remember when you first told her you love her? You probably looked into her eyes when you said those words. You definitely felt their meaning.

If “I love you” has morphed almost exclusively into “love you babe” or some version of that, you probably have forgotten what those words are supposed to convey. It’s time to remember and make a change.

You think “dates” are no longer needed

no date

Believe it or not, dates are still necessary. What brought you together as a couple and helped you gain the comfort and closeness you now have was developed through dating.

Just because you are a few years into things doesn’t mean you should stop putting effort. People (yes, even your partner) change and grow continually. If you don’t spend enough time to enjoy each other’s company, you’ll eventually grow apart.

Closeness is a moving target. You can’t stop working on it just because you think you have it.

See Also: 6 Hobbies For Couples That Can Strengthen Your Relationship

Sex has become like a well-loved recipe

sex in relationship

If your intimate life has a set routine and you could and possibly have done it in your sleep, you are probably too comfortable. Just because you achieve a successful…ahem…end result does not mean you have had a successful experience. Sex is far more enjoyable when there are a few new moves here and there. So, throw out the recipe and try exploring a bit. You might find yourself surprised by the result.

There is a difference between trusting someone so much that you can be completely comfortable in their presence and being so comfortable that you seem not to care. That difference can be a very fine line.

If several or all of the above points ring a bell, you have probably crossed that line. Try changing things up and you’ll be pleasantly surprised by your partner’s reaction and what you get in return.

See Also: 6 Signs You’re In A Long-Term Relationship

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Year One: Trump’s Foreign Affairs

Until a year ago, the US was setting a lead of a very different sort. America’s first black president seemed about to make way for the first woman president. Once again, the US was offering an example to the world, affording a glimpse of what twenty-first century democracy might look like. Instead, Trump has provided a glimpse into a gloomier future, one of lies, ethnic division, authoritarianism, and the ever-looming prospect of war. It’s fair to say that most outside the US are counting down the days, like a prisoner scratching marks onto the wall, waiting for Trump to be gone, so that the world might feel steadier, and safer, again. 

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7 Ways To Honor Your Loved Ones’ Memory

It is important to pay tribute to the people you have lost. Make time to honor their memories and the moments you shared through simple or elaborate acts.  You can raise funds or awareness on the sickness that got your loved ones. You can also write a blog or plant flowers that remind you of them. There is no right or wrong choice when it comes to honoring the dead.

To get you started, here are 7 unique and creative approaches to remembering the departed:

Set up a fundraiser in their name

Those whose loved ones fought a particularly sensitive or difficult illness, such as brain cancer, may consider supporting a related cause. Because of social media, you won’t have too many difficulties setting up a fundraiser.

As memorial gifts pour in, you can channel them to an established foundation or a research center for a certain disease. Another option is to create a nonprofit organization that will carry your loved one’s name. However, in order to make this endeavor sustainable, you and your family will have to invest a lot of time and energy.

Publicize their work

Any creative, academic or even entrepreneurial work left by a deceased family member or friend will forever hold their memory. If you feel its importance, you can store it in a safe place. You can keep it in a bank vault or you can share it with others.

You can put together all of their work and present it to the public. If it happens to be a journal that contains the most private thoughts of your departed loved one,  just select a few entries that you believe will inspire or strengthen other sick people.

Blog about them

blog about your loved ones

When someone you hold dear has passed away, raw emotions usually take over. It can be very difficult to process these feelings.

If you have a blog, you can tell stories, memories and experiences you shared with that person. The simple act of writing can help release some of the grief, sadness and confusion inside you. After a couple of years, you can use those stories you wrote as a reminder, commemorative piece or a source of comfort for others.

Pass on memorial jewelry from generation to generation

You may be familiar with third-generation kids receiving a piece of jewelry from their grandparents. For instance, the family matriarch’s wedding ring gets passed on to a child and then to a child’s child.

In honoring the dead, you can commission the creation of a cremation jewelry piece that is made from the ashes of a loved one. Instead of storing the cremation ashes in a jar, you can have them turned into diamonds. This way, you can keep your loved one close to you and carry the memories you shared wherever you go.

Preserve their photographs

preserve photographs

Another way to keep the connection from one generation to another intact is to use photographs. Pictures are said to immortalize the subjects they contain. By hanging a portrait of a departed person at home, you’ll have a way to introduce that person to the younger members of the family.

Plant flowers around their grave

If it is allowed, plant perennials at the burial site of a loved one. According to Allison Gilbert, author of Passed and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive, you may also create a memorial garden in one of the person’s favorite places, such as the backyard. The flowers will grow every spring, a beautiful phenomenon that can remind you of someone for many years.

passed and present keeping memoried of loved ones alive

Eat, pray, travel

It is devastating to lose a family member or a friend to tragedy. You may require a different way of healing. Healing is one way to honor the departed, too.

Some parents believe that praying for a sign has helped them let go of their children and move on with their lives. You can do the same thing or you can choose to travel. Being in a new place may trigger a different response to grief from you. It will help you make peace with the loss easier and handle the pain better. In turn, this experience may spark a creative way for you in honoring the dead.

See Also: Living After The Death Of A Loved One

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