‘The Best Parts Of Your 2014′

If you’re like me, you may find it somewhat difficult to remember “the best parts of your 2014,” but this, nevertheless, is the kind of talk we expect from Blurb.

Here’s some more:

The best parts of your 2014 were moments only you could live. Now turn them into a book only you could create. Transform your favorite photos, stories, and memories into a one-of-a-kind book to treasure for all of 2015—and beyond. Make a book for friends, for family, for the special person in your life, or just for yourself.

Go all out and craft a gorgeous, custom photo album that highlights 365 days of your life with:

• Inspiration to make your best book ever
• Tools to make a book online or with downloadable software
• Plug-ins for Adobe® InDesign® or Lightroom®
• Ways to build an incredible ebook

Not a thing wrong with that advertising copy. In fact, I first heard of Blurb, myself, in exactly this mode.

A Danish friend in Copenhagen introduced me to the birthday-party photo books she enjoyed creating for her children using Blurb’s service. Beautiful balloon-times-with-the-family memorabilia, these slim, slick books were coffee-table winners, hands down, grins hovering near cake, one’s own life and loved ones rendered in Hallmark-esque hardback. Handsome stuff. Also a very specific niche.

After all, even the company’s executive-team bios are set up with photos of each employee — holding a photo book, presumably one that he or she has made.

So it has been to my and many others’ surprise that for more than a year now, Blurb has been working hard not to change its image, exactly, but to expand it.

The slogan, “Blurb. Where Your Ideas Become Great Books.” still works, yes.

But the people of Blurb want you to know that this doesn’t just mean pretty picture books. They’d like to be your KDP. That’s right, Blurb would like you to think of them as an alternative to such self-publishing platforms as Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing, Kobo’s Writing Life, Smashwords, and so on. They want you to come to them with your novel, your lawnmower maintenance guide, and your mother’s memoir. They want the self-publishing “tsunami of content,” as Jon Fine called it while at Amazon, to float their boats, too.

And to that end, you can see some interesting drop-downs on their mainpage.

• On the nav-bar at the top, hit  Formats & Pricing, and you’ll find “eBooks” as well as “Trade Books” there. And yet “Photo Books” is still at the top of the list.
• Hit Sell & Distribute, and then “Sell and Distribute Options.” Here, you find “Blurb Direct Sell,” “Sell on Amazon,” “Global Distribution” with Ingram. And there’s a way to have Blurb “authomatically submit your book to Apple for consideration” for the iBooks Store.

What you’re seeing is a tiger changing its stripes. But, clearly, only in certain lighting. The medium is more than one message now. Bring us your shots from graduation day, yes. But also bring us your immersive-text fiction and illustrated non-fiction…and magazines, for that matter. Blurb wants to do it all, and is not to be underestimated. The company says it has more than 8 million titles in play.

It’s change of direction, as I wrote last month at The FutureBook, first became apparent for many of us during the 2014 London Author Fair produced by Authoright. There, Blurb’s founding CEO Eileen Gittens joined me and Authoright’s Gareth Howard onstage to talk about how the company is morphing from that picture-book maker to a self-publisher’s all-purpose, one-stop platform.

And, as covered in that article, Gittens has brought as consultants Richard Nash and Molly Barton, two high-profile industry players, to curate a standing group of author-services specialists for Blurb authors to consider hiring.

I spoke with Gittens about the new direction and the “Dream Team,” as it’s called, of recommended experts. You can see the listing here. And the fact you can see it so easily is one of the more interesting elements of the story: These recommendations are made free by Blurb to anyone. The company takes no cut of a transaction an author might make with one or more.

Gittens told me about the creation of the “Dream Team” when we spoke.

A Self-Publishing ‘Dream Team’

“Over the last couple of years,” Gittens tells me, “Blurb has really been focusing in on the self-publishing market.”

And what has prompted them to hire Nash and Barton to help them generate a pool of experts is customer request.

“We have been getting queries for years now,” she says, “asking for a recommendation” for one type of author service or another — book cover design, copy editing, developmental editing, line editing, formatting, etc.

“We have in our past been kind of allergic to this idea of, ‘You get assigned 20 hours of an editor’s time,’” as is part of some operations’ self-publishing packages. Gittens’ assessment of the consumer interest here is that it’s not a desire to be handed an expert, but to be handed a true recommendation.

“We connected up with Richard and Molly…and spent a couple of days together in San Francisco,” where Blurb is based. The main criterion for the selection of specialists for the “Dream Team” was “the creation side of a book’s authoring,” Gittens says. “Round Number 2, Phase 2, of this will be on the business side. So you’ll see in future, additions to the team around publishers, social marketers, business planners, speaking-engagement folks” and so on.

Blurb’s brief for Nash and Barton specified that “some geographic distribution” would be useful, Gittens says, resulting in a group that includes professionals in the US, UK, Canada, Australia, and on the Continent.

“The languages our experts will support,” she says, “are English, French, and Dutch” to start, reflecting the bulk of the interest expressed by customers.

There was also, Gittens says, an attempt to find “a range of experience’ among the specialists “to map to a range of fee structures.”

“We’re starting out with 50 people, and some of them wear multiple hats.”

And in addition to the most predictable categories, such as exterior and cover design, ebook conversion, and art direction and curation, you’ll find the offerings include ghostwriting. This, Gittens explains, is the result of hearing from many corporate clients who may have lots of content available for, say, a company history or special-focus book, but no writers on staff.

Clicking on one of the offered recommendations — say Marcy Dermansky of New Jersey for ghostwriting — you’re taken to a bio on Blurb’s site. You learn, for example, that Dermansky’s own 2005 novel Twins, was a New York Times Editor’s Choice selection.

And you’re given a chance to contact her, sending her your name, email address, project synopsis, and “output type” (print, digital, or print and digital).

As it turns out, Dermansky also appears in the editorial categories of copy editing, developmental editing, and book coaching.

The Not-Just-Me-On-This-Project Factor

Gittens likes to cite something she was told by personnel at an author services company that she says now has gone out of business.

Without naming the company, she says that this group used a small sample of 35 or 40 projects to determine that when writers worked entirely alone on producing their work, “they only had a 10-percent completion rate — there was a 90-percent non-completion rate within a year for people working alone.

“The minute people hired one person,” she says, the picture changed, she says.

“Because someone else was now waiting on you, the author, to send them what they were waiting on, so they could do their job and get paid,” there was something around a 30-percent completion rate.

“And as soon as two people were hired, say a cover designer and an editor,” she says, “the completion rate went up to around 90 percent.

“One of the things I’ve been saying is that just because you’re ‘self-publishing’ doesn’t mean doing this all by yourself. If it’s that important to you to do this work, please don’t do it by yourself.”

Gittens says that Blurb has more than 1 million authors working with her company now. Many are making the “personal books,” as she calls them, for which Blurb is known. So demand, as she notes, is in place.

“We’ve built scale,” she says. “We don’t need to charge” for the “Dream Team” recommendations. “We don’t need to make any money on this transaction. Our business model goes ‘ka-ching’ when the title gets completed and units are purchased.

“It turns out that we’re 100-percent aligned with the author here. The last person in the world in advance of a sale who has any money is the author. We want them to spend any money that they have budgeted for this on making a better book — please! I think everybody wins here.”

Gittens says that Blurb’s outreach to the business sector still is getting some fine-tuning. The many companies that today want to produce book content of one kind or another might not have the guidance they need. Some “turn up on our doorstep,” she says.  In other cases, she’d like to work on how Blurb spots and targets potential business clients.

Another uncertainty in these early days with the “Dream Team,” she says, is whether this initial group of around 50 specialists will be enough to handle the requests for recommendations.

Whatever The Author Needs

As Gittens works to widen the appeal of Blurb services beyond the original “personal book” market, tools have become an important feature.

Blurb’s “Bookwright” software, for example, is a downloadable application for design and layout — for all the types of books Blurb wants users to produce on its platform. Part of its capability, she says, is in outputting a full range of formats from the same project file and free ISBNs.

For those personal photo books in particular, there’s a tool called Bookify, which in turn is closely related to another tool, Booksmart, for photo books, notebooks, and planners.

Gittens’ split on ebook rates is 80 percent for authors, 20 percent for Blurb — better than the 70-percent rate at Amazon, in other words. On print copies, authors buy the books at Blurb’s cost, then mark them up as they see fit.

What has surprised her is that authors still want print as well as digital.

“We thought,” she says, “that when we launched our digital services, we’d see gigantic universes of people who wanted not only digital-first but also digital-only. We found out that’s not true. People are finding that most of their sales may be digital but that there still are people out there who prefer reading in print. Whatever their reasons, we want the author to offer a book in whatever format the readers desire.”

And oddly, this brings the conversation back around, full circle, to “why I started the company” in 2o05, she tells me.

“When I started it, I wanted to give a gift,” a book. “I thought, well, I can put all the content on a Web site and send people a link. But you can’t gift a link.”

The gift/photo-book business that’s been good to Blurb over the years now positions them in something of a higher-end spot on the self-publishing platforms market — and leaves Gittens doing a good deal of talking in trying to widen the company’s capabilities in the minds of authors who might like to use this alternative to one of the major retailer-based platforms.

“What authors are learning,” she tells me, “is that even in genre fiction, which has gone hugely to ebooks — and I think I own five Kindles personally — there’s a time you want a print copy. There are some books I want to keep. There’s something about seeing them on the shelf.”

The Blurb site has a strong educational component now with such pointedly titled articles as “Why We All Need A Developmental Editor” and “Merchandising Your Book For Readers — And For Profits” — all part of the fine line Gittens and her team are walking.

It won’t make sense to run off the people who come expecting Blurb’s usual family photo book. But obviously, the company can’t sit by and watch other self-publishers walk by on their way to the better-known platforms.

‘How can I create the best book in me?”

Gittens puts that question on the table: it’s the one she wants to hear authors ask, and it’s the one she’s working to have Blurb answer.

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ThoughtCatalog/~3/ofzf7NP-rhg/story01.htm

1. Say hello to your hangover.

Whether it be a real hangover thanks to one-too-many IPAs or an emotional hangover because you regret the positions you were bent into, greet it and get ready to deal with it. Open your eyes slowly and allow yourself to take a second. But not too much more than a second because you have a stranger to start getting rid of. Let’s face it, it is RARE that you want someone who is essentially a stranger to hang out and watch Netflix with you. That’s private time. So acknowledge that you don’t feel good, and note that you can take care of it later.

2. Don’t waste time being naked.

Okay we can admit we aren’t necessarily proud of having this person in our presence but now is not the time to feel sorry for ourselves. Now is the time to put together the pieces of nights gone by and figure out where your pants are. And their pants. Locate all of the pants. People can’t, or at least won’t, leave in their underwear so find their clothes and leave them in a reachable location. Just don’t like, fold them. That’s weird.

3. Passive aggressively hint that it’s time for them to go.

This is the part where you’ll start to do chores rather than just say “Hey, get up and get out SON.” You’ll get a load of laundry going, start doing dishes, clean the bathroom floor which hasn’t been cleaned since your LAST one-night stand (no judgment) and obviously none of these will be done quietly. Truthfully it’s a good effort, though we all know it’s not going to work. But hey. Good for you for getting some housework done.

4. Kick yourself for your choices.

There they are, snoring and farting away in your bed. You did this. Well, you with a little help from your friends Grey and Goose at the bar. You don’t have their number but they’re turning your bed into their own private party of one. Look at them, spooning your favorite down pillow. You hate them. Take it from me: it’s not worth dwelling on. Just give it 24 hours; you’ll be laughing about it in no time. Or give yourself enough time to at least wash them out of your sheets — then you can laugh about it.

5. Decide how nice you’re going to be.

Are you going to offer to take them to their home or car? Or are you just going to send them on their way with nothing but embarrassment and fuzzy memories? Basically you have to decide if you’re going to be able to look them in the eye if you run into them again. My rule of thumb is if you have more than one mutual friend, you have to be nice. You don’t want all of your buddies calling you an asshole behind your back. If they truly are a random person who you only met 12 hours prior — no worries.

6. Wake the beast.

Don’t try to do this “accidentally” by like, dropping a pillow on them or coughing juuuusst loud enough. Be a grown up; wake them up. You don’t have to feel bad about having a life or things to do or even just wanting them out of your space. You offered them sex, not a place to sleep till one in the afternoon. This is either where you just simply say “how are you getting home” or you give them an elaborate lie about how you’re meeting your mom and aunt for brunch but then really just circle the block in your car before going back into your home.

7. Do. Not. Fall. For. Sleepy. Eyes.

Sex is not a coupon that allows someone to cash in on your amazingly comfy bed. I don’t care how tired they look or if “they didn’t even realize you were up” (bullshit by the way). There is nothing sexy about not being able to take a hint. Along the same lines: do not fall for them feigning interest in your day in an attempt to tag along. Do you really want to hang out with someone you had sloppy, drunk sex with? Do you really want to tarnish what could be a perfectly good brunch with awkward conversation and trying to figure out what was so interesting about them when you had your booze blinders on? No. No you don’t.

8. When in doubt, Jon Hamm it.

Everyone hissed in disapproval when he said it in Bridesmaids but sometimes you have tried every trick and you just gotta say it:

“I really want/need you to leave but I don’t know how to say it without sounding like a dick.”

Whoop there it is. If that doesn’t get them out, then congratulations; I think you got engaged.

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ThoughtCatalog/~3/E8cM8DfGejE/story01.htm

1. I’m still in my early twenties, thank goodness.

2. I don’t feel guilty for my personality flaws anymore. All I can do is get better every damn day.

3. I finally understand what colors I can and cannot pull off.

4. I make time to read new books, old books, and even biographies.

5. I don’t feel the need to go HAM at the bars anymore — wine and Modern Family is good enough.

6. Being alone for long periods of time is actually relaxing, see ya later FOMO!

7. I have created the perfect comeback to the question “So what do you want to do for a career?” It is not appropriate, even for Thought Catalog.

8. I no longer care about that high school ex. Except he made this list, so maybe I still care, heck I’ll always care.

9. Taylor Swift is 25 and still single and a billionaire; therefore I am content with being single.

10. I’m no longer in college #HOLLA

11. My résumé finally looks good.

12. Re-connecting with high school friends is refreshing and comforting.

13. I do not care how many “likes” my Instagram pic gets.

14. However I do care how many Twitter followers I have…

15. I value the friends that I can call up out of the blue on a weeknight and talk for hours (you know who you are).

16. Health insurance is nice.

17. I can hold a conversation with a 40 year old and not be bored.

18. I work out for the endorphins, not for the abs or booty.

19. I don’t feel the need to have the latest iPhone, iPod, iWhatever, if it works I’m keeping it.

20. I don’t lose my debit card anymore, or any valuable objects for that matter. 

21. I see reason behind the values my parents instilled in me, finally.

22. Year of the Kobe, Kobe haters go away.  I bleed purple and gold!

23. 24 is a nice even number, I bet it looks nice on a cake too.

24. No one likes you when you’re 23. HELLO 24!

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ThoughtCatalog/~3/Zekl__On_qA/story01.htm

Perhaps one of the first -and most frustrating- arguments one might encounter when entering into the gender equality debate, especially in criticism of feminism, is that the feminist movement is one that is dedicated to equality in our society. While on one side, those fighting for the awareness of diminished men’s rights are asserting that feminism is the cause of a new imbalance between the sexes, it is common to encounter the feminist voice on vlogs, blogs, in books, comics and in articles claiming that feminism is the best representation of a move toward equality. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary, it can be difficult to respond effectively to such a stubborn and misguided claim. Why do feminists believe the movement is the fight for equality?

In this article, I evidence why feminism is not about equality, why feminists think it might be, and how the emerging misandry or, at least, gender inequality toward men, is a direct result of this wave of feminism.

So, is feminism fighting for equality? With respect, no, it isn’t. Here’s why.

The fight for ‘equality’ of the first two waves of feminism fought to raise the standing of women in society where there were clear and vast imbalances. Men in all eras of history were also imprisoned in gender roles and forced to live and act accordingly, but it’s right that women’s liberation movements fought for balance in democracy, the right for women to work, earn, own property and shape their own lives. In order to fight for equality, the woman’s rights needed to be elevated to that of a man’s. In that era and political and social climate, fighting for the rights of women was, indeed, “the fight for equality”.

The new wave feminists constantly declare the fight for equality despite glaring oversights. Why? Today’s feminism fights a new and changed Western world with an old definition of what it means to fight for equal rights. Fighting solely for the rights of women was relevant to the first and second wave of the movement that were staring at glaringly biased legislation and cultural values, but in today’s changed world it is not only outdated, but misplaced.

Both genders, as citizens, now have equal rights. There are further developments that deserve attention for each gender, so a campaign should be run by both men and women who, together, tackle highlighted equality issues that affect men and/or women; it would be wrong to fight for, only, the rights of women, as feminism clearly does today.

We heat a room when it’s cold, but there comes a point when the temperature simply needs regulating to maintain a comfortable environment for everyone. To continue heating it, would become too hot. Too extreme. Where this wave of feminism is still cranking up the dial on the thermostat, past 22 degrees to Max Women’s Rights, it’s becoming uncomfortable.

Furthermore, in claiming it is the fight for equality and, yet, only advocating for women, feminists show the movement as stubborn-minded and prejudiced, acting upon illogical, biased and, therefore, extremist values. A movement is its voice in the media, and ours is constantly bombarded with the notion that women are the only oppressed gender while men are the perpetrators of rape, rape threats, domestic violence, cat calling, sexual objectification and with headlines such as ‘a sea of misogyny’, ‘men should just shut up’ and ‘men avoid housework and don’t do their share’. This can only have one outcome: suspicion, dislike and blame toward all men.

As one example, of many, Jessica Valenti is a prominent feminist voice. Writing for The Guardian, her biased, angry and mocking attitude toward men is clearly evident. That The Guardian continues to print her shamefully biased, opinionated and personally prejudiced ‘views’ is questionable on their part. (I do not, of course, condone any written, verbal or physical harassment or abuse).

This biased media position is instigating change upon men and women ‘on the ground’, trying to live their every day lives. From this media, women are ‘finding out’ about the world around them, the men in their lives and attitudes they should adopt. I’ve heard a feminism empowered woman mention that her husband would soon be home from a 14 hour shift, but exclaim, “Why should I have to make dinner just because I’m a woman?”

I know I’m not the only one who can see how wrong that is…and why.

I wish I could concede that this voice is ‘the extreme minority’ deviating from a more moderate form of feminism, but today’s vocal and prominent feminism is the extreme. No branch of feminism condemns it and stands for a more balanced and regulation focused pursuit of equality, by also advocating for men’s rights.

A minority of men are guilty of major sex and abuse crimes, or even harrassment; how dare anyone, or especially the apparent movement for equal rights, imply that the majority of non-offending fathers, who love their children, have no right to voice the discrimination they face in courts, simply because some other men in society are criminally minded toward women? Feminism overlooks significant gender equality issues, contributes to the demonisation of the male and uses that as a further reason for men to be silenced.

“How about more than a billion men who aren’t fanatical, who don’t punch women, who just want to go to work, have some sandwiches, spend time with their children, and don’t do any of the things you’re saying of all Men? It’s stereotyping.” (They are great words, Ben…I stole them. Much love.)

I am an advocate for women’s rights. I have daughters and hate the thought of them facing discrimination, harassment, catcalling…or whatever else. I want to help create a society where they can safely prosper and choose whether they work or keep house, or both. But I have a son too, and I reflect on the discrimination I, and others, face because we are male. I do not want him to experience that which I have seen and felt.

So, I cannot stand by and watch feminism create such bias in our society. Call me an egalitarian, a humanist, an equalalalist (I made that one up), but I am an advocate for men’s rights too…and that means I’m certainly not a feminist.

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ThoughtCatalog/~3/H19bzOV7F0g/story01.htm

It was 1859 and Mr. Charles Dickens was oblivious to the fact that he was writing the description to accompany each and every internship offered to mankind.

The gist?

You’re going to experience it all- the joy of your first published work and the worst 42 hours prior to publication.

You’re going to have a moment where you feel wise beyond your years. Then that same day, spill coffee foolishly all over your freshly pressed pants, just prior to your first presentation.

So, you think that your boss is God’s gift to corporate America; only to discover that he’s human and makes mistakes, just like the rest of us? Dickens covered this scenario with belief and incredulity.

Surely, you’ll experience days of light and then, a wee bit of darkness.

You’ll hope for the best and have a day of deep despair. Curse the memo, announcing that the intern (meaning you) jammed the printer, again.

As an intern, your entire career is ahead of you. Then one Tuesday, you’ll sit down at your meek office cubical, only to realize your fellow intern has been offered the coveted (and only) full-time position. Your whole world will feel as if it’s caving in, because this was your sole reason for putting up with this unpaid opportunity.

Hell, the place where you believe the office know-it all is going. Heaven, the time when you’ll have an intern – or shall we say an educated, unpaid barista?

Overall, Mr. Dickens knew a bit about internships. He simply didn’t realize he was penning their anthem.

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ThoughtCatalog/~3/Nepl1zsbUwk/story01.htm

1. “Invest in people who invest in you”

This is the time of year when I sit back and reflect on everything that has happened within the past 365 days—the high and low points, the successes and failures, and everything in between. One aspect of my life that I always spend a little extra time thinking about is friendship, both new and old ones. So many questions run through my mind—are these new relationships something meaningful or just temporary? Have I put enough effort into the relationships with old friends? Are there friends who need to be cut out of my life? Friendships are one of the most important things in your life. These people are there to give you support, and a sense of meaning. In this upcoming year, keep in mind these following four quotes about friendship:

2. “Sometimes your circle decreases in size, but increases in value”

Quality over quantity is something that we all need to keep in mind. In high school, I remember that there was so much pressure to have the biggest group of friends; if you didn’t, you just felt like a nobody. Having been part of both big and small circles of friends, it was the smaller ones that felt more meaningful to me. I’m not saying that you can’t have genuine friendships with multiple people; if you do, you’re doing something right! But if you find your inner circle slowly shrinking, it’s not necessarily a bad thing—you are just finding out who is and is not worth being in your life. 

3. “True friends say good things behind your back and bad things to your face”

This is something that I especially want to work on in the upcoming year. It is so easy to talk badly about your friends, even those who you are really close to. Sometimes you just get caught up in bashing them, especially if everyone around you is. And it becomes a problem when you don’t confront them about the things you are saying. We need to sit back and ask ourselves, “If so-and-so is my best friend, why can’t I say these things to their face?” This is where you need to really evaluate your friendship with this person—do you just have a bad habit of bad-mouthing people or is this a sign that your friendship with them isn’t what you really thought it was?

4. “Friendship isn’t about whom you’ve known the longest, it’s about who walked into your life and said “I’m here for you” and proved it”

Those who show their dedication and support to you are the ones worth keeping; they can be your oldest friends, as well as your newest ones. Yes, it is great to have friends whom you have known for many, many years, but if they don’t do anything to prove that they have your best interest in mind, what’s the point? And in turn, you have to reciprocate that same support. I don’t still talk to every single person I was friends with back in my early childhood, but the ones I still interact with are people I will be in touch with forever. And there are people that I have become friends with in the past couple of years who I know will be in my life for a long time. The reason behind this is that we have shown one another that we have each other’s backs.

5. “A strong friendship doesn’t need daily conversation, doesn’t always need togetherness, as long as the relationship lives in the heart, true friends will never part”

This is one of the most spot-on statements about friendship. As you grow older, peoples’ lives change, and friends might grow apart in distance. Yes, this physical distance can put a strain on the friendship, but if your relationship is genuine, nothing changes. You’re able to pick up right where you left off. I always find that those who I feel comfortable sitting in silence with are those who are meant to stick around.

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ThoughtCatalog/~3/yfLA9jChecE/story01.htm

Being seriously ill happens to most of us one winter or another, but it seems to be a universal truth that getting the flu affects our minds far more than it affects our bodies. How else to explain the same delusional thought patterns that we fall into every single time?

1. You completely forget ever having been sick before.

When the flu first starts coming in, it invokes feelings of complete unprecedence (which is not a word but should be). You can easily remember what your elementary school looked like or quote lines from your favorite show ad nauseam, but for some reason recalling any significant details of your previous bout with the flu will forever elude you. You can’t remember how you dealt with it other than the fact that it sucked really bad.

2. Maybe you’re not sick.

Sure you feel off, but that doesn’t mean you’ve actually caught anything. Maybe you didn’t get enough sleep last night—though you did—or maybe you didn’t get REM sleep because of some prolonged dream you had but don’t remember. Maybe you ate something that didn’t agree with you or you’re stressed out over work. Whatever is happening, it’s not an actual illness. That’s how hypochondriacs think, and they’re crazy.

3. Maybe it’s not the flu.

OK, now there’s no denying that you’re not just “off” but you’re actually sick. Fine. People get sick all the time. Just because you have a cough and/or congestion and/or a stuffed nose and/or a headache and/or a fever doesn’t have to mean it’s the flu. Maybe you just have a really bad cold, which sounds a lot better than having the flu for some reason. Besides, you’ve got too much to do to deal with having the flu.

4. Maybe you’re dying.

Now you’re bedridden, drifting in and out of sleep, and every part of you aches in a different way and is both hot and cold at the same time. Your body is going against forces of both biology and physics. Those are pretty tough opponents! But hold up: You underestimated how sick you were before. You thought it was just a cold and now it’s undeniably the flu. What if you misjudged things again? What if it’s not just the flu but whatever boss-level comes after that? After all, you’ve never felt this awful before in your life. And people die from the flu all the time, even in America! You’ll muse about writing a will before accepting you don’t have the will to write.

5. You have no idea how much to eat.

You know that you’re supposed to “starve a cold and feed a fever,” but your appetite has completely gone to hell. Worse, your body might be at the point where swallowing hurts. Let’s not even discuss the fact that going out to get food is a Herculean task. You have to force yourself to eat, though the thought of food disgusts you. Still, you’re left wondering if you’re eating enough—or enough of the “right” thing, whatever that secret is.

6. You have no idea how much to drink.

You know that you’re supposed to “consume lots of liquids” but have no idea what that actually means. So you decide to judge if you’re drinking enough by the color of your pee. Supposedly, clear pee means you’re hydrated. On the other hand, dark pee means your body is expelling all the disease and gross stuff inside of you. This is when you realize that you’re not an old-timey piss prophet and should probably get back to bed.

7. You revert to the miasma theory of disease.

Thoroughly disproven and discredited, and never believed by you personally—except the last time you had the flu, of which you recall little—the miasma theory of disease posits that illness is caused by “bad air.” Now you become like Howard Hughes, convinced that the virus or bacteria or whatever is causing your flu has suffused the very air around you in your apartment. You can’t very well open a window, given the cold weather. All you can do is imagine that you are basically in an invisible soup of disease that will never clear away.

8. You completely forget ever having been well before.

As your symptoms fade in and out, as days lose meaning due to irregular and yet constant periods of sleep, you start to realize that you’ve gone several days without waking up as a well human being. The dreaded question increasingly begins to assert itself: Is this the new normal? Old people are constantly complaining of aches and pains, and you are constantly aching. Maybe you’re not sick but this is simply how things are now. After all, this is the oldest you’ve ever been.

9. You imagine that first shower is holy water.

When your fever is gone and you’re almost well, that first shower you take is one of the best you’ll ever have in your life. You can feel the sickness being washed away, almost literally, in a catharsis akin to being dunked in a river by John the Baptist himself. Yes, you’ll still have a cough for a week, or the sniffles for a couple of days or so. But you can also hold your head high, having basically conquered a biblical plague singlehandedly.

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ThoughtCatalog/~3/zDyKbCWXgug/story01.htm

1. Stop obsessing over people who do not obsess over you.

The texts you didn’t receive back. The calls you never got. I’ve been there and I’ve heard it over and over again. Most of the time we’re not going to figure out why someone didn’t call after what we thought was an almost perfect date, and most likely it’s going to happen more than once. That doesn’t mean we should stop putting ourselves out there. It means we should stop obsessing and hanging onto every word someone says. We need to transfer all of the energy that we spend obsessing over people who don’t care for us onto our goals, onto our passions, and onto things that make us feel empowered all on our own. Too often we feel validated by relationships or the amount of people who want to date us. If we spent as much time caring about our ambitions, our work, and the people who already love and respect us as we do caring about why someone does not, I bet we would all be much happier, with or without someone by our side.

2. Stop obsessing over social media.

The likes. The filters. The quotes that may or may not have been posted about you. We’re all guilty of it. We look for acceptance through likes and posts. What we wind up doing is obsessing over other people and the lives that they’re living or the lives that we think they’re living. We compare ourselves to what and how we see others doing. By playing in this constant social competition we lose our freedom in doing things for ourselves and instead we wind up doing things so that others can see us. We stop living in the moment and start letting pictures depict who we are. Social media is so ingrained in our culture that it becomes almost impossible to take a much-needed break from it. We have this constant fear that we’ll miss out on what’s going on online when we really should fear missing out on what’s going on offline and in the real world.

3. Stop obsessing over past relationships.

It’s human nature to hurt after a relationship ends. We want to be in a relationship that’s insanely passionate and romantic, but unfortunately not every one of them will meet that expectation. It’s important to hurt and reflect on what you’re feeling and why, but it’s not OK to obsess over what you could have done better. We find it far too easy to blame ourselves for failed relationships and point out every little imperfection in ourselves. Instead, we should take some time to process our emotions. Whether that involves talking it out, writing it out, or just taking time to really think about what worked and what didn’t, it will ultimately teach us something that we can carry into our next relationship. Let’s face it—if we don’t know ourselves or what we want, how can we expect someone else to know? Every relationship is a learning experience and we will grow from every one of them. What we can’t do is just run to the next person who gives us attention because it’s an easy way to avoid the pain of rejection.

4. Stop obsessing over the status quo and the path that everyone else is taking.

Sometimes we forget that not everyone shares the same definition of success. Family members, teachers, and the media have drilled the idea of what a successful life looks like into our heads. We’re taught when we’re young that we need to receive good grades in school to get into a reputable four-year college so we can get a 9-5 job that pays well. Then soon enough it’s time to settle down and get married and start having kids. Sadly, success is often measured by how much money we make and “living a fulfilling life” is equated to carefree partying and traveling. The beauty of success is that it means something different to everyone, and we have the ability to define it for ourselves. When we take the time to figure out what exactly success means to us, we can then figure out how to achieve it to live a fulfilling and happy life. The process of figuring this out isn’t easy and it is also very different for each one of us. Some people go on adventures and some people meditate. No matter what we choose, we need to welcome alone time, be comfortable being uncomfortable, and take a break from our busy schedules to give ourselves some clarity. We can’t let others dictate how we want to live our lives. We have the freedom to go off the beaten path without the fear of being looked down upon or judged.

5. Stop obsessing over hooking up.

Often we dwell on the number of people we’ve hooked up with or a so-called “friends with benefits” situation that will never turn into a real relationship. We place more of an emphasis on hooking up than on going out and getting to know someone. We develop attachments to people who in reality we may never want to date or become serious with. By allowing ourselves to get caught up in this “hook-up culture,” we are building a closeness with someone who may never be attainable. As a result, we start to feel rejected when things don’t progress. Once we create this type of relationship, we tend to get lost in it. We get stuck with nowhere to go except into a real relationship or forced to leave the situation altogether. Unfortunately, most of the time there is no fairytale ending to this scenario. Let’s challenge ourselves to get to know someone before jumping into a physical relationship filled with false hopes and unmet expectations. We’ll thank ourselves later.

6. Stop obsessing over the future and the idea that the best is yet to come.

We keep wishing for tomorrow and the thought of how great things will be in a few days, a few months, or a few years. The only time we have is now, and now may be the best time of our lives. Yes, there may be some great days ahead of us, but there also may not. So here’s to not wishing away our days and instead appreciating the people that we have in our lives now who surround us with unconditional love, support, and respect.

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ThoughtCatalog/~3/uHgWzAYMV8k/story01.htm

I’m one of those heartless girls who doesn’t cry during movies, and I’ve whipped up a list of what typically goes on in my head when people point this out. Only those who share this lack of emotion with me will genuinely understand. If you do cry during movies, take notes because you’re getting on my nerves.

1.

“How come you aren’t crying right now?” I am sad, believe me. I just don’t cry during movies. I promise I am not a heartless bitch.

2.

Ask me why I don’t cry during movies one more time and I’ll eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

3.

“OMG, we’re gonna watch _______ together. You’ll definitely cry during this one!” I cannot tell you how many times people have tried to get me to watch supposedly tear-jerking movies for the sake of getting me to cry. It never worked. Nice try.

4.

“You have no heart!” Really? Just because I didn’t cry when Jack froze to death or when the fucking dog died in Marley & Me means I have no heart? You should be a psychologist.

5.

Speaking of which, Marley & Me is frequently mentioned when people ask about my lack of tears during movies. No, for the 20,349,587th time, I did not cry.

6.

“Why are you laughing? This is a sad part!” HAHAHA I know but you all look so ugly when you cry that I just can’t help myself.

7.

Once in a blue moon, you’ll talk to guys who’ve confessed that they’ve cried during movies, then they get pretty embarrassed when you tell them that you never have.

8.

“I just don’t understand how you don’t cry during movies!” WELL NEITHER DO I, BITCH. THANKS FOR YOUR INPUT.

9.

It’s my allergies, I promise.

10.

Best of all, I’ve never had to purposely wear waterproof makeup to a movie theater.

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ThoughtCatalog/~3/5NIMW2J69rI/story01.htm

It’s the first day of class and you look up to see the personification of a manly/womanly unicorn of lusty professorial magic. There’s a social stigma attached to engaging in relationships with professors, and sure, maybe it’s not the most responsible course of action. However, I love to flirt, and it’s way more fun when there’s a little danger behind it. I don’t have the best willpower when it comes to resisting the urge to flirt with professors and I confess, I may visit office hours a little more frequently than what is deemed morally or socially appropriate. I also don’t give a damn. When I see a math professor whip out a complicated equation in his head while I’m still struggling with long division, it’s a huge turn-on.

I think it’s time we all just admit that professors are effing hot. They are well-educated, older (which means experienced), and sometimes even wear sexy plaid shirts. (That might just be my math professor from last semester, though.)

I, along with many other students, find myself attracted to professors. I have had this conversation with multiple people and while the teacher thing doesn’t do it for everyone, it is not uncommon for a student to find their teacher the object of imaginary, lust-filled romps through stacks of dusty textbooks, maybe even with a portrait of Ernest Hemingway watching. That is not to say that these romps will ever come to fruition, but regardless, the fantasies occur. I was having a discussion with a new friend and our mutual attraction to professors was brought up. Something she said stood out to me as universally summing up the professor/student thing. “I don’t know, I guess there’s just something about academia that really turns me on.” When phrased in this way, it seems almost irrational to not be into professors.

Some people might think it’s a power/control kind of thing, but for me a lot of it lies in finding an inexhaustible thirst for knowledge in someone. People who still genuinely love to learn are beautiful and rare. When I get down to the root of it, I am attracted to professors not just because of the khakis and button-downs (I could find that in any accountant’s office), but because of the passion they exhibit for whatever subject they are teaching. I have found people who agree with me and people who think I’m a little weird, but I’ll be happily reconstructing a portrait of Kurt Vonnegut’s face out of literary quotes while listening to documentaries about World War II on tape.

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/ThoughtCatalog/~3/oMfAAVfrnwg/story01.htm