1) You think you’re your job

Nobody is asking you to love your job, but there’s a fine line between doing your job and becoming your job. The latter means you’re basing your self-esteem on the status the job brings and the amount of money you make.

Stop that. Your life is out there, not in the office.

2) You’re hungover a lot

And no, you can’t escape all your problems with alcohol and partying. Not all the time at least.

3) You’re fat

You aren’t eating right. You’re not exercising and you’re tired all the time. It all adds up!

Happy people have energy!

4) You’re chasing money

Money is absolutely important, but the bottom line is whether you want to chase it or not. Usually, chasing it doesn’t work.

5) You’re always bored

Because you aren’t trying new things!

6) You’re surrounded by negative people

This is truly sneaky. We all tend to brush off a little annoyance from what we call friends, or a crappy boss, but it can really seep into your life if you allow it to be. Regardless, a happy life is one where the people around is totally positive and want the best for you.

7) You’re not getting enough sleep

Four hours is enough to function tomorrow, but it’s not enough to feel energetic and well, happy. Get some sleep now!

8) You’re jumping into relationships too fast

To a certain extent, going with the moment and indulging in romance work, but eventually, you need to start thinking and make smart decisions.

If you want to be happy, then protect your heart!

9) You’ve not righted the wrong

If you made a mistake and incidentally hurt somebody, you’ve to apologize. Cowering down would only cause feelings to fester in you.

10) You let social media run your life

Checking Facebook, updating Twitter or surfing Instagram have become so common that people don’t even realize it’s mundane. The convenience and ease of it has made people disconnect from each other and not want to pursue enriching activities.

Get out of using social media every once in a while. It will do you a lot of good.

11) You aren’t doing the work

You’re procrastinating. You’re putting it off. You’re coming up with a ton of excuses! Work usually feels daunting, but if you don’t power on through, it’s going to make you feel unaccomplished and downright unhappy.

12) You’re choosing to be unhappy

It’s a choice. It’s all about perception.

Maybe it’s time you  stop being so pessimistic and stop whining. Do the right thing. Make the choice to be happy!

Special bonus for Pick The Brain Readers!

I hope you enjoyed the article! Wanna start being happy?

Then you’re going to want my book. It’s free! Here it is:

12 Things Happy People Don’t Give a F**K About!

Time to shed the crap in life and start being happy! This free book is only available through this link to Alden Tan.

Alden Tan keeps it real at his blog and writes about motivation in unconventional ways. His two main passions are Bboying and writing. Check out his free report, 12 Things Happy People Don’t Give a F**k About!

The post 12 Sneaky Reasons Why You’re Unhappy appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

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You may or may not be aware of it, but your current beliefs around love, money, health, relationships, fear, self worth, success, happiness and virtually all other things are most likely the same beliefs you had when you were 10 years old. It sounds unbelievable but it is true.

How is this possible? Essentially, most of your subconscious programming happened between the ages of 0-7, and unless you have worked on changing those beliefs, they still run in your mind today. Most people are unaware that they have subconscious beliefs that are at their core. In reality your subconscious mind is 95% of who you are.

The subconscious mind is a massive memory storage with a virtually unlimited capacity and space. It’s function is to store and recall memory forever so you don’t have to keep relearning the same things every day. It’s where the blueprint of all your habits, beliefs, memories, learning and physiological processes are held, so you can easily navigate your world and stay consistent with your programmed identity. The memory and function of the subconscious is quite powerful.

So why is it that our programming from childhood is so long-lasting? Between the ages of 0-7 we are essentially in a trance-like state and absorbing everything around us like sponges. Children are subconsciously picking up and storing everything that the adults around them are doing, feeling and saying in order to figure out how to navigate their own world. Our sense of identity and who we are to become in the future is very much contingent upon our early subconscious programming.

The three primary ways we downloaded our subconscious blueprint is through words, modeling and specific major experiences. Most of our learning and beliefs were formed through these primary filters.

1. Words – Verbal programming happened when you heard adults speaking to each other or to you when you were growing up.  If something was repeated enough times it got stored in your subconscious memory. What did you hear  when you were young?

2. Modeling – Modeling happened when you saw how your parents and other adults around you behaved. Their actions and reactions to different situations and people influenced your understanding of how to engage with the world.  What did you see when you were young?

3. Specific Major Experiences – The specific experiences you had while growing up impacted your learning process. Everything that happened in your childhood and early adulthood taught you how to survive, live and thrive. What did you experience when you were young?

Now don’t get too stressed about how you were raised or the programming you received as a child. If it was not perfect (nobody’s was) that is okay! The events of your childhood have a big influence on your adulthood but they do not need to permanently define you. It is possible to change your subconscious programming.

Perhaps you want to change your programming around health, money or relationships and install more empowering beliefs. It is not only possible to change them, it is also possible to do it pretty quickly.

Here are 2 ways to make powerful changes to your subconscious programming:

• Hypnosis – Hypnosis  is simply a deep state of relaxation where it is possible to give suggestions to your subconscious mind to make changes. Going into hypnotic states allows you to make changes to your core beliefs and habits. Countless people have used hypnosis to quit smoking, get over trauma, focus, increase test-taking skills, eat healthier, and make more money, among other things. Hypnosis is probably one of the fastest ways to make changes to the subconscious mind.

• Meditation – Mindfulness and meditation are really great tools to increase your self- awareness and thinking habits. Slowing down, even for just 5 minutes per day, has tremendous benefits for your mind and body. Just by sitting still and focusing on your breath you are able to increase self-awareness and change your internal state.

Unless you are actively working on updating your subconscious programming, your old programs run on autopilot forever, regardless if they are serving you or not. So be mindful of your thinking and let go of the beliefs that don’t serve you anymore.

Change your mind to change your life!

Stephanie C.N. is a self-improvement writer with a background in hypnotherapy and NLP. She blogs about wellness and self improvement here and runs an online membership program called Align With Wellness. You can read more about her and contact her.

The post 3 Reasons Your Past Subconscious Programming Is Still Influencing You Today appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

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Be happy with what you have and are, be generous with both, and you won’t have to hunt for happiness.

~ William E. Gladstone, British Prime Minister, 1892 – 1894

What is real happiness? Is happiness that we make up true happiness?

According to social psychologist, Dan Gilbert, there are 2 kinds of happiness. One is natural happiness which we experience when we get what we want and the other is synthetic happiness which we manufacture when we don’t get what we want.

Here’s a question for you: Is one better than the other?

Let’s find out.

In denial or truly happy?

I am sure you have heard about people who after experiencing a bad event or a disappointing setback tells others and themselves that they are better off despite not getting what they want and that they wouldn’t change that for anything in the world.

Well, it turns out that these people aren’t overt-optimists who are in denial about their misfortune. It turns out that their “synthetic” happiness did make them happy. For real.

In his Ted Talk, social psychologist Dan Gilbert talks about people fabricating happiness after not getting what they want or experiencing a real nasty experience such as being wrongly convicted and served decades worth of a jail sentence for something he has not done.

The sentiment expressed by the man who was wrongly convicted was that it was a “glorious experience”. Really? Surely that is not the right feelings to have after serving time for so long for something you did not do?

Naturally, we think that these people must be lying to themselves, they can’t be truly happy with their experience but we could be wrong….

Using unconscious memory to test happiness

Well, in an experiment Gilbert conducted on patients with anterograde amnesia who cannot form new memories he first asked the patients to rate a lineup of 6 Monet prints from 1 being the least-liked to 6 being the most-liked. Then, he told them that as a gift they would be given either print number 3 or 4 as a gift and most of them picked number 3 over 4 just because of preference. The researchers then left the room and returned (bear in mind that the patients do not remember the research team nor what transpired before) and the patients was asked again to rank the 6 paintings from least-liked to most-liked.

Here’s the interesting bit:

The individuals now rank the number 3 painting at number 2, higher than before and the number 4 painting which was rejected was now ranked even lower than before at number 5. The results indicated that they are happier with the painting they had owned more than before and they liked the rejected painting even less even though they do not have any conscious memory of the paintings.

With this experiment, Gilbert found that individuals make their own synthetic happiness unconsciously. Gilbert also found that this unconscious ability to synthesize happiness happens more often in situations where we do not have control over the situation.

In essence, we are really good at making ourselves feel better about an outcome that occurs from a situation that is out of our hands.

Now, what does this mean for you and why should you pay any attention?

Here are 3 reasons why you should pay attention:

1. Synthetic happiness is not fake. It is not something you make up when you are pissed off about not getting what you want. Synthetic happiness is a natural mechanism we all have in our brains that lets us see a not-so-ideal situation in a different light and learn to like our situation which in turns does let us become happier in time to come.

2. The ability to synthesize happiness is a vital skill to have because we cannot have everything we want all of the time. The truth is we will all face disappointment at some points in our life and we need to be able to manufacture happiness and become adept at seeing the better side of life.

Here’s a point to ponder: clinically-depressed individuals do not have the ability to synthesize happiness in most situations of their lives and that is why they find it harder to see the greener side of life.

3. We often grossly overestimate or underestimate how naturally happy we will feel in any situation. Truth is we will only truly know how happy we will feel and continue to feel when we are actually experiencing thus being able to synthesize happiness helps us cope with the uncertainty of our future outcome.

In Conclusion:

The joyful state that we feel is made up of both synthetic and natural happiness. Neither is better than the other because to lead a balanced life we need both: Natural happiness lets us experience the good stuff and synthetic happiness lets us adapt and appreciate what we do have when the outcome is less than ideal. When you start exercising the ability to synthesize happiness, you may find that some situations are not as terrible as they appear at first.

Can you think of a time when you synthesized happiness? What event caused you to synthesize happiness at the time and did the feeling of happiness continued? Share your comments below.

Author’s Bio:

Su is the founder of Life Provocateur and she is passionate about helping people take the first steps to taking charge of their lives and help them find passion, purpose and meaning in their lives. Liked the article? Sign up and receive free updates whenever new articles are posted.

 

The post 3 Reasons To Pay Attention to Synthetic Happiness appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

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How does it feel when you are not able to find meaningful patterns in life?

Are you getting fed up with your normal routine?

Are you feeling jealous about someone else’s life?

Before adding these negative ingredients in your life, spice it up by adding your individual elements.

Move out of your safe zone to feel the adrenaline of your true dreams. Strip off all the confusions to enjoy the adventurous ride.

Whenever you are getting bored with your life, grab these five effective strategies to remain happy and peaceful.

1. Analyze ‘Monday Morning Syndrome’

Are you getting frustrated by visualizing Monday morning’s?

Does the fear of weekday’s boring schedule spoil your weekend?

If yes, this is the perfect time to analyze your real purpose in life.  The best way to analyze this syndrome is to ask a simple question: Are you living happily or just crawling?

While living a fulfilling life, the person discovers a lovely connection with everything. There is no time for boredom because this person gets involved deeply with his passion.

The work becomes an effortless art.  All the disturbing visualization turns into a smooth ride.

We create a dull environment by crawling through the dense choking fumes of frustration and hopelessness.

As a result, we run away from our true motive. This question looks simple, but it will definitely provide a wonderful base for your bright future

2.  Reveal your mistakes and make people smile

I love to watch standup comedy shows. They stand at the center of the stage and do insane acts to make us smile.

To me, comedians are the best actors as they have the ability and willpower to laugh at themselves only.

We laugh at other’s mistakes, but we hide our own mistakes to not become a laughingstock.

There is always a fear of becoming a standing joke in front of your friends and relatives. So, we always try to suppress our faults.

It feels great when the other person is not able to catch our errors. What a relief, isn’t it?

We feel good by making others fool. But, we forget we are making a fool of ourselves only. In the beginning, we suppress our problems without thinking about the consequences.

So, just stand up at the center stage of your life and project your real identity. It doesn’t matter whether people smile or not. These acts provide great practical lessons about life.

3.  Accept more and judge less

We are not here to judge anyone because everyone is blessed with unique powers. Instead of taking other’s responsibility, we must start taking our own responsibilities.

As a charity begins at home, acceptance begins at our inner home. You know why we love to judge more and accept less.

Judging is a simple task as it is easy to target other people. Acceptance is a difficult task as we are the target only.

But, by accepting our true path, we spice up our life by adding our individual flavors to decode the complexities in an easy manner.

So, accept your past faults, accept your present journey and accept your future road map. Don’t dilute the taste of life by wasting time in judging.

4.  Get ready for the murder

I am not talking about any physical murder. So you don’t have to worry about anything. It is a safe and wonderful process to kill your fake identity.

In order to kill your fake mask, you have to make a secret plot because the victim is very close to you.

To achieve this mental murder, you will have to do the following things.

Reveal your true identity.

Stop living someone else’s life.

Come out of the stinky shell and rise above all miseries with full authority.

Discover your true path.

Instead of feeling jealous about other’s wealth, concentrate on your inner treasure.

So, are you ready for the murder?

5. Spicy and dull complement each other

Do you like dull moments? I know the answer.  Nobody likes a struggling phase. So, why am I asking this question?

We forget that these dry periods are one of  the most important moments to generate a lot of spice and adventure.

By surviving these harsh winds, we discover a lovely path. Without understanding sadness, we cannot measure the value of happiness.

In a similar manner, without understanding the bitterness of tough moments, we cannot taste the spice and adventure of wonderful moments.

Spicy and dull moments are like a pair of shoes. As the shoes are sold in pairs, so do the ups and downs comes, in a pair only.

Without the right shoe of a given number, left shoe of the same number has no significance.

In the same manner, without any experience of a rough journey in a given circumstance, the happy journey of the same circumstances has no significance in our life.

The post 5 Lovely Ways to Spice up Your Boring Life appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

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Traveling for me is always fun because I get to experience something new and meet people that opens my perspective on life.  However, it isn’t always shiny and rosy.

Sometimes it can be trying and not that exciting. In the end, it is a part of character building, as from each experience there’s always a lesson to be learned.

What it comes down to is how you choose to take what you’ve learned and incorporate the skills and lessons you’ve encountered into your life.

Here are the 7 indispensable life skills you may have developed to help you grow as a person.

1. You learn to deal with change

Similar to life, there’s only so much planning you can do when it comes to traveling and sometimes, no matter how prepared you are, the unexpected happens, which can set you back.

Instead of resisting and being angry that the train strike has delayed your plans to get to Tuscany, it means you get to go back to your favorite pizza joint in Naples tonight.

You can only control what happens in your life to an extent, so focus on what it is you can do to make the situation better than they currently are. Learning to go with the flow, and see what else a negative experience might mean can help soothe you and shift your thoughts to help you deal with change with more ease.

2. You learn to be creative and think outside the box

Often when you are traveling you are forced to adapt to the situation with what you know and what is in your backpack.

So you get creative, especially if you are on a budget.  When you encounter unexpected weather, you might go get yourself an umbrella or find a garbage bag and cut a hole and put it over you.

You learn to do your laundry by hand washing some key items and drying it with a hairdryer until you hit your next destination that has a washer/dryer. 

When it comes to communication, you get creative with your non-verbals and often get into the game of pictionary or charades with fellow locals.

How can you re-ignite the creativity spurt you get when traveling and use it in your every day life?

3. You develop patience and tolerance

Since you are in an unfamiliar environment, you will more likely encounter situations that will test your patience and tolerance.  Be it just trying to get around town or having people stare at you because you look different. 

Once I had kids come up to me and made karate chop hand gestures and noises yelling out ‘Bruce Lee’ when I walked around town.

At first I was startled, then amused, and then it got annoying.  Until I decided to see it as an ‘intercultural’ exchange opportunity and ask them about their stories, so that I can share mine.  It was not until then did I start to appreciate the event that happened, which leads me to point number 4.

4. You learn to expand your appreciation.

From the simple pleasures of life (like clean water), to the new people you meet and the experiences you share, you learn to appreciate the present.

You learn to appreciate life is about connection and sharing our stories. As you share your stories, you learn that as human beings, we all want love, connection to feel validated and happiness in our lives.

From this open-minded and non-judgmental place, you learn to respect and appreciate being enlightened when other people share their perspectives, learning to see it from their lens, knowing you don’t necessarily have to agree with them.

5. You develop confidence and boldness.  

When you travel, you have invested and committed the time to the experience.

You may have some goals in mind of what you want to see and do.  You seize the opportunity to ensure what you would like to experience gets done.

Because the fact is you don’t know when you may have another opportunity to take this journey again.  So whatever it is you want to do, you step up (even if it is out of your comfort zone) to do everything you can to make it happen when you are traveling. 

What if you developed this attitude towards living your life?  After all, you’ve only got one. Make it great.

6. You learn to let go

This ranges from saying good bye to the people we meet knowing they will forever be a part of our memories in an energetic spiritual sense, to realizing a lot of the stuff we bring and carry with us in our backpack is of little value (if any).

You learn that all good things come to an end, saying goodbye is imminent, the things you thought you need, you don’t really need it. If you were to forget something, you can easily go buy it.  Yet we often overpack to give us a false sense of security, that we have it ‘just in case’.

Instead it just adds extra weight to our baggage.

So where else can you see this applicable in your life? What are you holding on to that you are afraid to let go of?

Share with me what other skills or lessons have you learned through your travels that has helped you grow?

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Theresa Ho is a life coach, a blogger and the founder of Rejuvenate Your Essence. She believes life is too short to live your life based on others’ expectations and is dedicated in helping people live life on their own terms. If you like this article check out 32 powerful questions to change your life, and get her free 10 part manifesto series to live life on your own terms.

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Technology has changed how we live our lives forever. Whether it’s a recipe for that lasagne you’ve always wanted to cook or to book that holiday that you’ve always dreamed of, technology has given us a whole new way to fulfil these tasks.

If you smoke cigarettes, then you’re probably already aware of the oblivious methods of giving up, which include going cold turkey and wearing nicotine patches. As we are surrounded by evolving technology, we will take a look at modern ways that you can use technology to help you beat those cravings indefinitely, so that you can live a smoke-free life.

We will feature five different types of technology that help you kick the habit for good. We will cover mobile applications, user blogs, forums, electronic cigarettes and lasers.

Mobile Apps

There are so many Apps available to people who want to quit smoking, some are a lot more worthy than others. Apps are great a way to kick the habit, as most apps have the ability to track your health, cravings, nicotine consumption and statistics.

These features are great as it makes it a lot more personal because you can track how your nicotine intake and it allows you to identify why you were struggling to quit. They can also show you how much money you’ve saved, motivational messages and how much longer you will live if you quit. When the app shows you how much money you’ve saved, it’s an added incentive to quitting.

Not only are they helping you quit, but they show you what you could of bought instead. This could of been that family holiday that you thought couldn’t afford, but now you can.

Our favourites are definitely LIVESTRONG’s MyQuit Coach, and Quit it Lite.

LIVESTRONG’s MyQuit Coach App allows you to create a personalised plan to help you quit. It gives you the option of quit smoking straight away or gradually decrease your nicotine intake; useful as some smokers have a weaker will power than others.  It’s highly interactive as you can upload your own personalised motivational messages and you earn badges and awards for your resistance in giving up.

Quit it Lite is also another awesome App in helping people quit smoking altogether. The App has a lot more motivational aspects than others, as it encourages smokers to quit but also helps ex-smokers to keep off the cigarettes. The features include how much money you’ve saved, how many cigarettes you smoked/the tar you didn’t consume and highlights the benefits of quitting smoking. It will show you how much your health will change when you haven’t smoked for different periods of time. When you can see exactly how much your overall health has improved since you last smoked a cigarette, it makes you think again about what you’re doing to your body.

Blogs

Blogs provide information online to a specific target audience; these could either be from an individual or a business. They are an excellent way to help people give up smoking as they are predominantly written by past-smokers, providing an insight on what it takes to gives up. The blogs that we really appreciate are QuitCigs4Free and About.com Smoking Cessation as they are both written by writers who have the experience of giving up smoking. They also let readers submit their journey of giving the habit. Smokers are reading these blogs and gaining that inspiration in giving up as they have added motivation from people around the world.

Forums

Forums allow members to discuss specific topics with people all over the world. They have become one of the top mediums for those who want to interact with like-minded individuals.

Smoking is just one of these topics.  There are numerous forums for those individuals who wish to stop smoking; every forum has detailed sections regarding different elements of how to stop. They are essentially communities for people who want to achieve the same goal; they also allow you to reach out to others and help them through it.

The stop smoking forum that has really caught our eye is No Smoking Day, which is backed by the British Heart Foundation. It has individual threads for different stages of giving up, e.g. Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 4-7 and so forth. Members can then discuss their feelings in the thread that relates to them.

Electronic Cigarettes

Electronic cigarettes are cigarette-shaped devices that emit doses of vaporised nicotine which is then inhaled.  The device is battery-powered and essentially they are like smoking a real cigarette but without all the harmful toxins.

A lot of people who plan on giving up smoking see this useful way to slowly give up, but also still have that social belonging that comes with smoking. There are hundreds of different e-cigarettes on the market ranging from beginner kits right up to advanced kits, which all various price ranges. We particularly like e-cigarettes from Electronic Cigarette Shop, as their e-cigarettes look like the real thing and not large electronic devices.

Lasers

Imagine having low-level lasers target specific acupuncture points on your body, which relate to addiction, stress and metabolism. Similar to those who are treated with arthritis pain, the laser is pointed at your face, hands and wrist with the aim of relieving withdrawal symptoms and preventing cravings. This is what Innovative Laser Therapy is, and it claims that most patients can quit smoking after just session. This method is still fairly new, but could be a quick fix to helping you quit your smoking habit.

What’s best for you?

There are lots of different ways of using technology to help you quit smoking; we recommend a combination of these methods to help you reach your goal and enjoy a long smoke-free life. We also understand that everyone is an individual and there is no easy way to quit, but we’d like to think that we have covered modern ways of quitting smoking.

———–

Jack Jones writes for Electronic Cigarette Shop and has a passion for helping people stop smoking. In his spare time, he enjoys going to the cinema and visiting places around the world.

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Harry S. Truman once said, “In reading the lives of great men, I found that the first victory they won was over themselves… self-discipline with all of them came first”.

But for the rest of us, self-discipline often comes second… if at all.

Every day, we admit defeat to self-indulgence when we choose to snooze over waking up early, watch T.V. instead of study and eat junk food when we should exercise.

There’s no doubt about it: if you want to achieve your goals, be it lose 14 pounds, write a best-selling children’s book, start a non-profit or enroll on an online class, you need to build self-discipline.

But self-discipline isn’t something we should be afraid of and contrary to popular belief, it isn’t that difficult to build…

Once you know how.

Step 1: Start with ONE Habit

Success in life and work is built sequentially – ONE habit at a time. If you can master one habit, you can master any.

As a coach, I work with many clients who regularly allow their bad behaviours to get the better of them, and one of the most common problems I see is when they try to change everything at once.

They want to discipline themselves to go to bed before midnight, leave their phone outside their room, wake up early, write a blog post, meditate, get things done and everything in-between.

But this doesn’t work because trying to fix everything at once is like building Rome in a day. You overwhelm yourself, you don’t notice marginal gains and you lose interest on the cusp of victory.

So, instead, just concentrate on changing ONE habit.

And to make it easier on yourself, focus on one you already know how to do, but perhaps have been either neglecting or doing inconsistently.

These include washing up immediately after eating, making your bed, going for a walk, flossing, etc.

Choose ONE habit and become consistent in doing it.

Step 2: Commit Only to Starting

Starting a habit we’ve been procrastinating on is always difficult. And sometimes, the mere thought of putting on our running shoes, preparing a salad or writing a thousand words is enough to discourage us from starting – even when they’re easy.

Build self-discipline is about getting good at starting. And the secret to starting is making behaviours so easy you can’t say no. [1]

Think of a habit as a sequence of tiny behaviours. Let’s use going to the gym as an example. If you’re like most people, when you think of going to the gym, what you’re really thinking isn’t exercise, you’re thinking about how you have to pack your gym bag, go to the gym, change into your exercise clothes, warm up, exercise, warm down, shower, change back into your street clothes and go home.

You’re also thinking about how long the habit is going to take.

But by focusing on the first action – say, packing your gym bag – and being fully present as you do it, you avoid talking yourself out of doing it.

So, with your one habit, focus on the first action you need to take and commit to it.

Be mindful while you’re doing it. This prevents you of thinking about what you need to do next and not starting at all.

Fill up the sink with warm, soapy water and bring your attention to how it feels on your skin. Then wash one cup. And then another, and another, and so on.

Slip your feet into your running shoes and tie the laces. Loop, swoop and pull. Become mindful of how snug your feet feel in your running shoes.

Type one sentence and listen to the sounds of your fingers clicking the keys. Your book begins to come to life, one sentence at a time.

Take care of the first action and the remaining actions will look after themselves.

Step 3. Build Consistency by Counting

“I have no problem with starting habits, but committing to them, that’s my problem”. I hear this a lot.

Consistency is hard – but only when your expectation is unrealistic to begin with. That’s why we make behaviours simple; it’s impossible to not do them.

The secret of being consistent is to fall in love with the boredom of the process and not concerning ourselves with the “all-or-nothing” mentality.

Being consistent isn’t about never missing a day; it’s about missing a day, learning why you missed it and doing everything you can to ensure it doesn’t happen again.

As UCLA Bruins Coach John Wooden said, “Process is primary”.

If you want to be consistent, start tracking your progress. Try and make a game out of it. How many days can you do your habits in a row? Have a target and meet it – then move the goal posts apart.

Step 4: Rinse, Wash, Repeat

There comes a point when you no longer have to track your progress. The behaviour becomes a habit. You no longer need to rationalise or decide to do it. There’s no rationalisation and no resistance. You simply do it.

That doesn’t mean you stop bringing your full attention to what you’re doing or stop trying; it simply means it’s become easier to do. You become self-disciplined.

The next step is to choose a new habit and repeat the process.

Remember: success in life and work is built sequentially, one habit at a time.

Sam Thomas Davies scouts the leading edge of the human sciences for what’s new, surprising, and important. He writes about research-based ways to improve habits, add new skills and sustain excellence. To learn how to seize the potential of your life, read his free eBook.

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Autism is a fearful word for parents. The brain disorder affects the ability of a child to interact and speak with others. Kids are usually not diagnosed of autism until the age of two, but some children start showing signs and symptoms of autism even before reaching two.

For parents, especially new parents, it’s important to know the signs of autism. These are the red flags they need to watch for, to determine whether their child is at a risk for autism.

Here are the signs parents need to watch for, according to Dr. Rebecca Landa, a top researcher of autism, and director of Center for Autism & Related Disorders in Kennedy Krieger Institute, Baltimore.

1. No connection

Even if too young for talking, typical children do various things to draw the attention of caregivers. They move their legs and arms, babble, smile, etc. If a child makes no effort for connecting to others, he/she may be at a risk for ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorders).

2. Poor eye contact

Children should make eye contact, even the ones who are as young as two to three months old. By the age of one or two years, if your kid appears to be taking more interest in gazing at things (including your mouth), other than gazing at your eyes, take that as a red flag.

3. Absence of words

Babbling is not only cute, it is also a little one’s way of informing you that he/she is developing language skills. If a kid is not babbling by six months, or is babbling even after the age of six months, when the child should have begun using words, he/she might have ASD or some similar problem.

4. No recognition of name

By reaching six months, a child should quickly look up or respond when his/her name is called. If your kid fails to look up on being called, or looks up only sometimes, consider it as a red flag.

5. Lining up toys

Autistic children do strange things with their toys. They may line up the toys, flick or spin them, and they continue to do this, without an apparent purpose.

6. Arm flapping

One of the well-documented signs for autism is arm flapping. However, other types of postures and body movements may also indicate that there is a problem. If your kid stiffens his/her legs or arms repeatedly, or keeps twisting wrists, consider consulting a pediatrician.

7. Repeating words

Does your child habitually repeat all or part of what you speak? If yes, it’s a matter of concern. Some children parrot TV commercials or programs, instead of speaking words for communicating with others.

Besides these seven signs, parents should know some more things about ASD. A few of these are briefly discussed below:

• Risk factors:

The exact cause behind autism, or the reason behind the increase in number of children with autism in the recent years, is not known. Most of the researchers suspect that there is a genetic link. Kids with siblings having ASD, have more likelihood of having ASD. In case of identical twins, studies show that if one kid has ASD, the other child has ASD for about 60 – 96% of the time.

Some medical conditions, like fragile X syndrome and Down syndrome, may heighten ASD risk. Some medications that a mother takes during pregnancy, like SSRI antidepressants, may also increase ASD risk.

• Diagnosis of ASD and early intervention:

Diagnosis of ASD at an early age is important, and so is early intervention. If your kid shows any kind of developmental delay, your pediatrician would perhaps refer him/her for treatment, even if your child is not diagnosed with autism. This is because it’s important to provide early intervention to kids with any type of developmental delay.

Meanwhile, your doctor would try to find out whether or not there are any other causes of developmental delays, like poor hearing. The doctor may refer your kid to a child psychologist, neurologist or developmental pediatrician, to conduct a formal diagnosis. These medical professionals would observe the communication difficulties, unusual and repetitive behavior, and poor social skills. In case, your kid meets the criteria outlined in “American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual”, he/she might be diagnosed with ASD.

• Treatment:

There is no proven treatment for ASD till now. However, early intervention is highly effective and beneficial for autistic individuals. Earlier the treatment and therapies are started, the better the children would do. Some of the therapies about which some parents have reported that they have worked well for their autistic children, are Applied Behaviour Analysis (ABA) and HBOT therapy. Consult your doctor to determine what type of therapies and treatments you should choose for your child with autism.

If you are a new parent, keep in mind the signs of autism. In case you find any one or more of them in your child, consult your pediatrician immediately. Early intervention is the key to reducing symptoms of autism to the maximum.

References:

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Authors’ Bio:

Chloe Paltrow has been working as a psychiatrist for the last 10 years, with Autism Spectrum Disorders as her main area of interest. Currently, she is studying how effective the hyperbaric oxygen therapy is in autism treatment, and is working as a part time psychiatrist at OxyHealth.

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Do you ever get so overwhelmed that it feels like your head will explode?

It’s like you’ve got way too much going on in your head. You’re mentally juggling all the things that you’ve got to do today. And you’re also making a mental list of the things you’ve got to remember to do tomorrow and later in the week week.

You have so many random thoughts bouncing around in your head. The more you think about them, the more you lose yourself.

And it’s just at that moment, your boss turns to you at the meeting and asks you a question. You’ve got no idea what they’ve been talking about. You’d lost yourself. You weren’t present. You just have a blank look on your face.

There’s a simple ’secret’ that can help you manage all those thoughts in your head, clear your mind and let you be totally present.

Why We Feel Overwhelmed and Stressed

The reason why we tend to feel stressed and overwhelmed is because we try to keep too much information in our short-term memory.

We end up trying to use our memory as the place to capture every thought or idea that we think might be worth keeping or remembering.

And we also try to use our memory as a reminder system i.e. return that phone call, make that appointment, do that research, pick up the kids early etc.

But by dumping all these thoughts in our short-term memory, we create an endless loop of information that we can’t stop thinking about. We end up having that nagging feeling that we’ve forgotten something, but we’re not quite sure what.

It’s like we have a hamster in our head that’s furiously running on that wheel but getting nowhere. We feel mentally and physically exhausted.

Our minds have a remarkable ability to remember incomplete tasks. This is known as the Zeigarnik Effect, which is named after a Russian psychologist who studied this phenomenon in the late 1920’s.

It’s like we have a built-in ‘reminder system’ in our mind. This ability can be very useful in certain situations. But in today’s modern world, it doesn’t work so well as we tend to overload our short-term memory.

And then we literally can’t get those things out of our head. But because we have so many things to remember, we end up feeling overwhelmed.

Creating a System to Clear Our Minds

The ‘secret’ for dealing with this feeling of stress and overwhelm is actually quite simple. We need to get things out of our head.

We need to put those ideas and reminders into a reliable system that we know will safely look after that information until we’re ready to deal with it.

And we also need that system to remind us on a regular basis to process that list of information and decide what action needs to be taken.

Putting It All Together

The first thing we need is a way to capture every thought and write it down. The goal is to get it out of your head as quickly as possible and into your ‘system’.

You can use a notebook or a piece of paper that you keep in your pocket. Or you can use a free app like Todoist, which works on most platforms and smart phones. Or you can just send an email to yourself.

It doesn’t really matter what you use, as long as it’s something that’s likely to be with you most of the time and lets you quickly capture the thought.

Next, you need a daily reminder to review every thought you captured and decide what you’re going to do with it.

You can create a daily recurring meeting in Google Calendar (or whatever calendar you use) to remind you to do a quick 5 minute review at the end of each day. You can even have Google Calendar send a text message to your mobile phone at a specific time each day to remind you. I’d recommend doing this until you build a daily habit.

At the scheduled time, go through all the information you captured and quickly decide what you’re going to do with each item. I use the 4 D’s to help me decide:

• Delete – good idea at the time, but not useful anymore.
• Delegate – who else could do this instead of me?
• Defer – I can do this later so will schedule in my calendar.
• Do – this is something I can quickly do now.

And that’s it – you’re done!

By doing this regularly, you can clear your mind and let your brain do what it does best – think creatively without all that ‘mind clutter’ getting in the way.

And you can be totally present in every situation – whether that’s a work meeting, dinner with your spouse or time spent with the kids.

If you’re not currently doing this, then why not try it out for 24 hours and share your experience in the comments. I’ll be happy to answer any questions you have.

Omer Khan is the co-founder of ScheduleHopper, a web app that helps coaches, consultants and other service providers to easily schedule meetings and manage all their client information in one place. Click here to sign up for a free account.

 

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So how are you? No, let me guess.

You’re crazy-busy. Overwhelmed by your ‘to-do’ list, overburdened by demands, and overtired from racing around trying to get everything done.

You keep thinking you just have to work smarter, and maybe put in a bit more effort, and you’ll get over the ‘hump’.

Then things will get back to normal.

But you’ve been trying to get over the hump for months.

You like being busy, but this is ridiculous.

The sheer volume of information and demands is, well, overwhelming.

You’re too busy and overwhelmed to work out how to get yourself out of this mess.

Sounds like your life is one big, crazy, endless cycle of demands.

Your life is too precious for you to be stuck in this vortex.

Let’s face it, being constantly overwhelmed sucks. Big time.

But here’s the thing that no one will tell you. You could be contributing to the problem.

That’s right. This situation could be down to you.

1.  You’ve Become A Go-To Person

Go-To people are great, but you don’t want to be one.

Go-To people take responsibility seriously. They have high standards, want to do the right thing, and want to get things done as quickly and efficiently as possible.

If you’re a Go-To person, people know that no matter how busy you are, you won’t let them down. You’ll get the thing done.

Unfortunately, your reputation is keeping you busy. It’s keeping extra tasks and extra responsibilities coming in the door.

And part of you feeds on it. You feel important because people need you, and you’re efficient.

But you’re drowning in responsibilities, so you have stop this. Now.

I know your standards are high, and you’re concerned that other people won’t do things as well. But they deserve the opportunity to try.

Instead of doing things for others, offer to show them how to do them themselves. Sure, it will take longer in the short term, but they’ll become more self-sufficient, and soon there will be less for you to do.

2.  You Fall For False Hustle

Do you ever find yourself thinking, “I was really busy today, but I don’t seem to have achieved a lot”?

We all have days like that, but if they’re happening frequently you could be experiencing False Hustle.

Maybe you’re trying to keep your in-tray clear, you’re trying to answer all your emails, or you’re devoted to other time consuming, but ultimately fruitless tasks.

Maybe you receive requests for lots for urgent tasks each day.

Whatever the reason, you have to limit your time on these small tasks, or you’ll lose your whole day doing them.

The key is to spend most of your day on things that are important. Important to you, or important to the work of your team, or important to the organization.

Even with small, quick, “It will only take 5 minutes to finish” tasks, you should ask yourself whether they’re important. The answer may be ‘yes’ to a few of them, but anything you can put a ‘no’ next to, reduces your workload.

If you’re not sure whether something is important, ask yourself if anyone has committed to it.

If you’ve committed to be at your daughter’s athletics carnival, then that’s important.

If you or your team have committed to producing results in a certain area, then it’s important.

If no one has committed to the action, then it’s probably not important.

By focusing most on important tasks, you’re being strategic, and working smarter.

Remember: an empty In-Tray is a thing of the past.

3.  You Take On Too Much

You’re interested in everything, and you love to please.

Whether it’s at work, or at home, you love being involved.

If the local community want you to deliver neighbourhood newsletters, or your boss wants to start a new project, you’re there.

If the school wants your help fundraising, they can rely on you.

But I have to ask you, are you thinking straight? How often do you consider your availability before you jump in so enthusiastically?

Right now you should not be saying ‘yes’ to anything else.

Start flexing that ‘no’ muscle so you can get your life back in control. If ‘no’ is too hard, you can try something softer like, “I’d like to help, but I don’t have time right now”.

Once you’ve tried it once, I guarantee you’ll love the power that comes from having control over your life.

That in itself will make you happier.

4.  You’re Too Busy To Plan

You ‘don’t have time’ to file, or organise, or plan. You’re too busy, so you just jump in and start doing things.

You’re a person of action, and you’re great at getting the ball rolling.

But you spend a lot of time searching for things, because you’re not organised. And you sometimes waste time doing things in the wrong order, or worse still, doing things that don’t need doing.

So later on, you incur delays because you weren’t efficient.

You need to take the time to get organised. You must discipline yourself to store important files, and plan your work.

If you don’t you, end up looking like a hamster, running on a wheel. You’re using a lot of energy, but ultimately making no progress.

And you’ll get burnt out doing it.

5.  You Live In The Future

You’re overwhelmed by what’s coming. You’re not sure if you’re going to be able to handle the enormity of the task or project, when it comes to fruition.

You’re not sure if you should start a thing, because you’re scared of what it might become.

The trick is not to think about tomorrow, just focus on what you can achieve today.

So, let’s say you decide you want to run a marathon, but then you start to feel daunted by the amount of training involved.

You worry about your knees, and your back, and your asthma. You start getting all freaked out “because-it’s-so-much-work-how-will-I-ever-get-there …..”.

It’s overwhelming. So you wonder if you should stop, before you ever really got started.

Instead, you need to think, “Right now I don’t have to run a marathon. Right now I just need to be able to walk around the block without getting puffed out.”

You need to focus on the immediate, small steps (pardon the pun) that you need to take now. The small steps that you CAN achieve.

Focus on the piece of the project that you can achieve now, and have faith that you’ll be ready for each step as it arrives.

The Harsh Reality of Overwhelm

The truth is that we all deal with overwhelm every day. It’s just a matter of HOW you deal with.

Do you let it suck you into the vortex of trying to get it all done, or are you strategic?

I’m guessing you’re strategic.

So here’s how to think about your life, and all the stuff you’re trying to cram into it.

It’s a smorgasbord, or a buffet.

There are endless options and possibilities, all laid out, begging to be chosen. All the demands of the workplace are there, along with the demands of your family and home life.

You dreams and aspirations are there as well.

Now, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but most people are not great at selecting from a smorgasbord.

Everything looks so enticing that they overfill their plate, and then they overfill their bellies.

They make themselves uncomfortable by gorging, and they create a lot of waste.

They don’t make sensible decisions, and when they’re done, they regret their choices.

You’re cleverer than that.

You won’t allow the buffet to overwhelm you.

You can take the best of what’s on offer, and pace yourself.

You can select the most important options from the work demands, and the richest and most enjoyable selections from your family and home life.

You won’t overfill your plate, and you won’t allow yourself to become uncomfortable.

Because you’re here to enjoy yourself.

And you know that you can always go back for a little more.

 

Cate Scolnik is on a mission to help parents stop yelling and create families that listen to each other. She does this while imperfectly parenting two boisterous girls of her own, and learning from her mistakes. Download her free Cheat Sheet to Get Your Kids from “No” to “Yes” in Three Simple Steps and reduce your yelling today.

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