I was in a used bookstore in South Haven, Michigan the first time I picked up a book by Richard Brautigan. I bought In Watermelon Sugar for 50 cents and read the yellow stained pages while I sat on the pier overlooking Lake Michigan. Isn’t it funny how memory works? I can’t remember basic items when I’m out grocery shopping but I can always remember every book I’ve bought or have been given right down to the location and the mood I was in that day. So, I bought the small little book and I instantly became enthralled with Brautigan’s writing style. I loved his sense of humor and the strange, interesting way he looked at the world. I’ve been re-reading some of my favorite poems and chapters from his books over the holidays and thought I’d share with you a few memorable bits I think you’ll like.
I will be very careful the next time I fall in love, she told herself. Also, she had made a promise to herself that she intended on keeping. She was never going to go out with another writer: no matter how charming, sensitive, inventive or fun they could be. They weren’t worth it in the long run. They were emotionally too expensive and the upkeep was complicated. They were like having a vacuum cleaner around the house that broke all the time and only Einstein could fix it. She wanted her next lover to be a broom.
Love Poem
It’s so nice to wake up in the morning all alone and not have to tell somebody you love them when you don’t love them any more.
It’s Raining in Love
I don’t know what it is, but I distrust myself when I start to like a girl a lot.
It makes me nervous. I don’t say the right things or perhaps I start to examine, evaluate compute what I am saying.
If I say, “Do you think it’s going to rain?” and she says, “I don’t know,” I start thinking: Does she really like me?
In other words I get a little creepy.
A friend of mine once said, “It’s twenty times better to be friends with someone than it is to be in love with them.”
I think he’s right and besides, it’s raining somewhere, programming flowers and keeping snails happy. That’s all taken care of.
BUT if a girl likes me a lot and starts getting real nervous and suddenly begins asking me funny questions and looks sad if I give the wrong answers and she says things like, “Do you think it’s going to rain?” and I say, “It beats me,” and she says, “Oh,” and looks a little sad at the clear blue California sky, I think: Thank God, it’s you, baby, this time instead of me.
Real Estate
I have emotions that are like newspapers that read themselves. I go for days at a time trapped in the want ads.
I feel as if I am an ad for the sale of a haunted house: 18 rooms $37,000 I’m yours ghosts and all.
Gee, You’re so Beautiful That It’s Starting to Rain
Oh, Marcia, I want your long blonde beauty to be taught in high school, so kids will learn that God lives like music in the skin and sounds like a sunshine harpsicord. I want high school report cards to look like this:
Playing with Gentle Glass Things A Computer Magic A Writing Letters to Those You Love A Finding out about Fish A Marcia’s Long Blonde Beauty A+!
I Was Trying To Describe You To Someone
I was trying to describe you to someone a few days ago. You don’t look like any girl I’ve ever seen before.
I couldn’t say “Well she looks just like Jane Fonda, except that she’s got red hair, and her mouth is different and of course, she’s not a movie star…”
I couldn’t say that because you don’t look like Jane Fonda at all. I finally ended up describing you as a movie I saw when I was a child in Tacoma Washington. I guess I saw it in 1941 or 42, somewhere in there. I think I was seven, or eight, or six.
It was a movie about rural electrification, a perfect 1930’s New Deal morality kind of movie to show kids. The movie was about farmers living in the country without electricity. They had to use lanterns to see by at night, for sewing and reading, and they didn’t have any appliances like toasters or washing machines, and they couldn’t listen to the radio. They built a dam with big electric generators and they put poles across the countryside and strung wire over fields and pastures.
There was an incredible heroic dimension that came from the simple putting up of poles for the wires to travel along. They looked ancient and modern at the same time.
Then the movie showed electricity like a young Greek god, coming to the farmer to take away forever the dark ways of his life. Suddenly, religiously, with the throwing of a switch, the farmer had electric lights to see by when he milked his cows in the early black winter mornings. The farmer’s family got to listen to the radio and have a toaster and lots of bright lights to sew dresses and read the newspaper by.
It was really a fantastic movie and excited me like listening to the Star Spangled Banner, or seeing photographs of President Roosevelt, or hearing him on the radio “…the President of the United States…”
I wanted electricity to go everywhere in the world. I wanted all the farmers in the world to be able to listen to President Roosevelt on the radio…
And that’s how you look to me.
It’s Time To Train Yourself
It’s time to train yourself to sleep alone again and it’s so fucking hard.
I drank coffee and read old books and waited for the year to end.
Boo, Forever
Spinning like a ghost on the bottom of a top, I’m haunted by all the space that I will live without you.
I Live In The Twentieth Century
I live in the Twentieth Century and you lie here beside me. You
were unhappy when you fell asleep. There was nothing I could do about it. I felt helpless. Your face is so beautiful that I cannot stop to describe it, and there’s nothing I can do to make you happy while you sleep.
Probably the closest things to perfection are the huge absolutely empty holes that astronomers have recently discovered in space. If there’s nothing there, how can anything go wrong?
Karma Repair Kit: Items 1-4
1. Get enough food to eat, and eat it.
2. Find a place to sleep where it is quiet, and sleep there.
3. Reduce intellectual and emotional noise until you arrive at the silence of yourself and listen to it.
4.
Romeo and Juliet
If you will die for me, I will die for you
and our graves will be like two lovers washing their clothes together in a laundromat.
If you will bring the soap, I will bring the bleach.
Sometimes life is merely a matter of coffee and whatever intimacy a cup of coffee affords.
Every moment I do my best to learn from every experiences. And though we tend to focus only on the positive ones, it’s the negative ones that can really help us if we just learn to pay attention. So what have I learned?
1. That all of us are valuable parts of one race — the human one — and all of us have numerous purposes. Some yet to be discovered. Do not discount your own being; none of us are greater than another.
2. That an immense ever-growing desire to learn about everything is a rare and beautiful way to be. Do not ever allow anyone to cause you to lose your wonder.
3. Not everyone will understand your struggle, outlook, opinions, beliefs, and especially your heart. That is okay. Stay by those who do; learn from those who do not.
4. Move on when any experience discounts the importance of your own existence.
5. Before you move on, grieve, heal, grow, and positively teach others through your actions.
6. Love is wondrous. It exists. Do not ever be afraid to show others that you care for them, and that you love. The world needs more of this.
7. Love yourself. We are only human. We are supposed to make mistakes. We are not perfect; we were not created to be omniscient. This is what being human is all about. Bliss, pain, progression, repeat.
8. If you want to create, then do it. What are you waiting for? You have the ability to do whatever you want. There is no time stamp on creation.
9. All. Art. Heals.
10. Nature is a peacekeeper. Let us be more kind to her.
11. Be responsible for your behaviors, words, and actions. Blaming others is projection and denial. Causing pain to others because you have refused to deal with past hurt causes more pain. Say sorry. It need not matter if one says it back. You did your part. Move on.
12. Be mindful of how you communicate. Words. Hurt. Be kind to yourself and to others.
13. Run through the sprinklers in the summertime, make snow angels in the winter, lay beneath the trees in autumn, and get out into the sunshine at the first sign of spring. Nature = instant healing.
14. We get one chance to do something that will last while we’re on Earth. Whatever you do, make it count.
15. Cease obsessing about how you look, what you did or did not do, thinking about the past, and blaming yourself for things you had no control over. Remember that you cannot control everything. Do what causes you to heal and let it go. There are amazing people waiting for you out there!
16. Hug those you care about. Tell them you care. Show them you care. Recognizing another human soul is crucial for progression on both ends. Bring more happiness into the world and to yourself.
17. Some people will never move past their own hurt. If you are unable to make a positive impression, move on. You tried. It is up to them now.
18. You are not a doormat. Say it! I am not a doormat.
19. If you are in need of help, get it. Don’t be ashamed to be human. We have all screwed up. So what? If you never screw up, you never learn lessons. The important thing is to keep going.
20. Tell your children you love them. Hug them. Give them confidence. Motivate them. Teach them how to be responsible, active parts of all society. Teach them what you know. Show them through your experiences. You were given this role to be a guide to another human soul. Your job is to help them be the best version of themselves possible. Be grateful for your family. Make sure they are aware of this. Some people have no one.
21. Put down your technology and get out into nature. Trust me, it matters. A lot.
22. Learn about different languages, cultures, and faiths. We live in such a wondrous world.
23. It is okay to disagree with anything that does not suit you. It is not okay to attack others for not agreeing with what suits only you.
24. It is NORMAL to have a wide range of human emotions.
25. Wherever you are, remember: if you did your best with what you have, that is all that matters. Keep doing better.
I leave you with this short video. Why? See for yourself.
Our generation’s biggest plague is its collective impatience. Once a virtue, patience is becoming as rare as handwritten letters. We are used to instant gratification. We want everything and we want it now. If our generation had a voice it would be Veruca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory chanting ,“I want it NOW!” What we fail to understand is that good things take time, as they should. We shouldn’t expect good things to happen overnight. Actually, getting something too easily or too soon can cheapen the outcome — and because of the phenomenon well call the “Tinderization of love”, getting a potential partner to hook up or date has become easy, fast, and cheap.Dating apps like Tinder and OkCupid are cashing in on our need for instant gratification. And in this day and age where time is of utmost value and where everyone is in a hurry, they have made dating as accessible and easy for the common man as getting a Big Mac.No longer does one need to spend hours grooming oneself, douse oneself in Armani, wear the best Calvin Klein underwear andpay cab fare, only to come back home terribly disappointedfrom an unfruitful night of rejection. Today most people would rather save their time, money, effort and self-esteem and just swipe right or left. It’s as easy as playing Candy Crush.
Furthermore, dating apps have taken the element of uncertainty out of the picture. An app like Tinder isn’t as ambiguous as Facebook, where some people are looking to socialize and others are looking to hook up. When you find a match on Tinder and begin talking to that person, you’ve got a giant sign on your head that says “I like you” (or given the app’s reputation, ‘I’d like to f**k you”.) And this convenience comes at a price. Since finding a fellow human being to date/hook up with has become as easy as ordering something from Amazon, we easily discard one person and move on to the next. The minute we find our relationship to be an impediment to our convenience, we discard it. And since this technology makes it possible for you to easily date strangers outside your friend circle, it also makes it easier to detach yourself from the other person with a click of button — unlike in the past where mutual friends were involved and an abysmal personality, vouched for by your string of exes, could cost you your love life until you moved to a different city.
While the principles of rationalization like efficiency and convenience are great when applied to fast food chains like McDonalds and Dominoes — where you step in, satiate your hunger quickly and cheaply and step out — the same principles when applied to the world of dating and romance can prove to be hazardous, rendering these very words devoid of their essence.If there is one thing in this world which isn’t supposed to be rational, easy, and convenient, it’s love. We fail to understand the fact that we are not dealing with a takeaway meal solely meant for the purpose of satiating our biological cravings, but instead with a human being who has a heart and a soul.
Another major problem with this immensely popular phenomenon of Tinderization is the commodification of human beings. As Erich Fromm, the famous psychologist aptly put it, “Our whole culture is based on the appetite for buying, on the idea of a mutually favourable exchange. Modern man’s happiness consists in the thrill of looking at shop windows and buying all that he can afford to buy, either for cash or in instalments. He /she looks at people in a similar way. For a man, an attractive girl and for a woman an attractive man is the prize they are after. Attractive usually means a nice package of qualities which are sought after and popular in the personality market.Falling in love occurs when human commodities are within each other’s reach or within one’s possibilities for exchange. Two persons fall in love when they feel they have found the best object available on the market. In a culture in which such a marketing orientation prevails and in which material success is of outstanding value, there is little reason to be surprised that human love relations follow the same patterns of exchange which govern commodities in the labour market.”
Dating apps like Tinder manage to disguise shallowness under the façade of simplicity.Human beings are sold to each other based on superficial aspects like an attractive picture and a witty one liner. The last time I checked, that is how you advertised a new Starbucks Chestnut Praline Latte, not a human being.There are many downsides to this dehumanizing side of Tinder. I’m sure there will be staunch critics’ of my point of view, who would argue that it is possible to find love on Tinder and be able to supplement it with an example or two. To them, I would just like to say thatI have my doubts about a relationship which isbased on the very fact that both parties found each other ostensibly bangable.
Also, this commodification of love has rendered the process inherently impersonal. The fact that someone swiped left, basically means that you aren’t a product that they would waste their time on. Even if that product was free.Unfortunately this is the sad reality of Tinder: while a minority of those who have hit the genetic jackpot cash in on these so called benefits of Tinder, a vast majority of the not-so-attractive people end up spending their time swiping furiously and rarely ever matching with anyone. These people may have hearts of gold, a beautiful soul, and an extraordinary sense of humour, but this harsh world of dating apps has no time for such profound qualities. Sure, you can write it in your 50 word bio but if you aren’t physically striking, most people would have swiped left even before reading it.At least in the good old fashioned world there was always the possibility that someone you were introduced to could fall for your charm, humour and wit.How does one manage that in the shallow realm of Tinder?
If you are experiencing Tinder for the first time, the app makes you feel powerful.You are inundated with attractive pictures of people and you hold the power to choose them or reject them. It makes you feel like a debauch Sheikh in a strip club. However this unlimited buffet of choice is only an illusion.It makes us feel comfortable towards the idea of losing people, because we know that we can always swipe our way into the arms of another. This illusion of choice is the reason why most relationships these days have the shelf life of a few months. It’s become easier to find a partner, easier to let go when the relationship becomes disrupted by a minor setback or fails to provide the kind of euphoria that it did initially and easier to find someone else.What we fail to understand as we hopscotch from one partner to another is that there is a difference between falling in love and staying in love. This fast fading initial euphoria has been explained succinctly by Fromm in regards to modern relationships:
“If two people who have been strangers, as all of us are, suddenly let the wall between them break down, and feel close, feel one, this moment of oneness is one of the most exhilarating, most exciting experiences in life.It is all the more wonderful and miraculous for people who have been shut off, isolated, without life. This miracle of sudden intimacy is often facilitated if it is combined with or initiated by, sexual attraction and consummation.However this type of love by its very nature is not lasting. The two persons become well acquainted; their intimacy loses more and more its miraculous character, until their antagonism, their disappointments and their mutual boredom kill whatever is left of the initial excitement.Yet, in the beginning they do not know all of this: in fact, they take the intensity of the infatuation, this being “crazy” about each other, for proof of the intensity of their love, while it may only prove the degree of their preceding loneliness.”
Do you think they’ll think I’m too career-obsessed? That I’m trying too hard? What if they think I’m pretentious? That I’m being serious? What if they think I’m wrong? Um, well, so what if they do?
The amount of time spent simply worrying about what others think and how others are perceiving my words and actions would probably amount to more than a year of my life. Wait, I’m sorry… what?
I am in constant agony that people are thinking of me a certain way. I take comments from friends and others to heart, nearly every time (except when they’re kidding of course). I mull over things that people forget about within 10 seconds of it happening. And, I’m guessing that I think about others thoughts more than they even think about them themselves.
Being well liked is important to me and it always has been. Pleasing others is something I take seriously in my professional and personal life. I generally attempt to not anger anyone, and if I do, I apologize until they are even angrier with me than before— because that’s what I do (#sorryIamsorry).
Amid the worry and the attempts to be everything for everyone, to be the right person and to cater myself to meet everyone’s individuals needs and expectations, I lost the ability to say, for lack of a better phrase, screw it, and actually be myself.
Certain people will always find the need to belittle others, to share why they think what you’re doing is wrong or let you know how they feel about the way you’re living your life. However no one really knows what you’re doing, but you.
People will always talk. People will always judge. People will always find something that they dislike.
But people will also support.
They will support you in your endeavors, they will think they best of you. They will feel truly happy for you in your successes, and to be completely honest, some of them won’t care one way or the other— because they’re so wrapped up in worrying about their life that they won’t even notice something you may be worried they think less of you for.
Living with consideration for and in harmony with others is important, in fact it is crucial. However, living with liberation and a sense of self, regardless of how you will fit into the mold and minds of others, is bliss.
I pride myself in my image, my personal brand. I always will, and that’s not a bad thing. But at what point do you say enough is enough? When the question of how you are being perceived by others takes over your decisions, takes over your mind, stops you from doing certain things, and ultimately consumes your thoughts— that’s when. Because at that point, it has not only taken over your life, it essentially is your life.
And that is not exactly the life I would like to live.
And so, as long as you’re happy, as long as you’re coming into your own and as long as you’re figuring out who you want to be— that’s good enough. That’s good enough, and if that’s not good enough for someone else, than maybe they aren’t good enough for you.
*I thought about titling this one “Haters Gon’ Hate, but I thought people would think that was too mainstream… oh wait I’m doing it again.
I am proud of the men my sons have grown to be. I can look back now on how they became men who love strong independent women — one definition of a feminist.
The first time each of them married they both chose what they assumed was a traditional woman who focused on her home and children to the exclusion of outside interests. That was the role their father, who died many years ago, wanted from me. My sons’ first marriages ended. One son stayed until his children were grown. The other divorced when his kids were younger. Of course the divorces were difficult for the kids, as well as the parents. It was no one’s fault — the relationships just didn’t work.
Both men were single for a time while learning about themselves and what they valued in a partner. Eventually, both of them married feminist women who knew themselves well, enjoyed a career, loved their children and could be good to his children. Both second wives happened to be more than five years older than my sons. Both wives had firm boundaries and strong interests that they intended to continue. I saw my sons expand their lives with these two strong women.
Here are 6 ways I see my sons growing with feminist wives:
1. They are romantic.
It has been fun for me to see from the sidelines as they plan romantic outings, do special things, bring flowers, etc. Their tender expression as they talk about these special thoughtful acts warms my heart.
2. They work hard and play hard.
Both have demanding careers but they balance with time off for fun together with their wives. Family activities are important and those events often include lucky me.
3. Each respects his partner.
They way the truly feel about their partners comes through at times when I ask about a gift or purchase for them and they say, “I want to ask her about it. We make those decisions together.” This is true of planning family occasions as well.
4. They support their wives’ careers and interests.
One has a business and he has helped her in countless ways and is happy when he can. The other son’s wife is a retired teacher and an artist who takes classes which he supports. He is a fan of her art. She loves to dance, and though he has two left feet, he likes to watch her dancing.
5. They respect each other’s boundaries.
One son has an antique car that he loves to tinker with. His wife does not interfere, knowing it’s important to him. Both couples make time for friendships and outings with others or alone—cards with the guys, a weekend with women friends, a conference for business or a class in a distant city.
6. They’re proud to be handy.
Both my sons are able and willing to take on any task, from changing diapers to cooking, vacuuming, to fixing things to outdoor work. The distinction of labor into “squaws work and braves work” that their aunt Mary used to make has disappeared.
How did I raise two sons who have grown to be good husbands of strong feminist women? Changes in our American culture has helped. Many men know how to appreciate a strong woman now—many more than when I was first married. Many modern men are nurturing to their children and take part in household chores.
I didn’t set about consciously to raise “feminist friendly” men. But I grew on my own and became the kind of role model they could respect. The man I have been married to for 20 years is also a role model for them. I am very happy to be me—and proud of my sons’ success with their feminist wives.
Last year you vowed to join a gym and lose that daunting 10 pounds (you lasted two months and the gym was next door to a froyo place—net gain of three pounds), and the year prior you pledged to cut back on alcohol (did pretty well until Valentine’s day, when you drunk dialed your mom to lament about your lack of love life). This year, instead of resolving to make drastic life changes, take baby steps. Consider any progress is good progress, and starting small will help you succeed in the long run.
1. Practice Kindness
I don’t care if your Mother Teresa or Kathy Griffin, you can always practice kindness a bit more carefully. Take it upon yourself to extend warmth to everyone you encounter, be they new acquaintances or old friends. This shift should come gradually, whether it’s making the extra effort of holding the door open for a co-worker to picking up someone’s purse that’s dropped on the ground. Not only will people have a more positive opinion of you, but you’ll feel more at peace too.
2. Get physical
Hear me out, fitness resolutions tend to crash and burn, so why not start slowly? Use your body for a mere 15 minutes a day; it doesn’t matter if you’re walking, jogging, or even fucking. Feeling connected to your body is crucial. Don’t make it about weight loss or vanity, just encourage yourself to get moving. The benefits will quickly become apparent to you, both mentally and physically, and even someone with the most hectic of schedules can be active daily for such a small amount of time.
3. Lighten up
Apathetic bumper stickers all over the world read, “Life’s short, then you die.” As jaded as these words might seem, there’s a stark truth to them. Your time on earth is much too short to spend worrying about trivial matters, including how you look or are perceived. Enjoy each moment of each day to the best of your ability. If you can manage to take yourself less seriously, you’ll be on the track to long-term happiness, all as the result of a simple resolution.
4. Support your peers
Whether it’s your closest friends or coworkers, there’s something to be said for the person who can fully embrace those around them. When you’re around people in your age group, it’s easy to see those closest to you as competition. If you’ve ever heard the news that your friend got a promotion, and you immediately experience a twinge of jealousy, rather than joy, reevaluate your motives. Always strive to be successful, but don’t make yourself sick comparing your accomplishments to others. Instead, choose to be fully supportive of those around you. By opening your heart and accepting their achievements, you’re more able to focus on your own, while simultaneously becoming a better friend.
5. Unplug for a while
Social media is a constant, and sometimes necessary, evil in our lives. While it’s great to see pictures of your best friend from middle school’s trip to Asia, it’s more rewarding to actually be productive. Evaluate how much time you spend checking your social media accounts and adjust accordingly. Reserve a minimum of one hour up to an entire day to be social media free, and try to get shit done that you actually enjoy! Read a book, do volunteer work, call your grandparents, seriously anything that gets you away from the monitor or your all-seeing smart phone. You’ll make stronger interpersonal connections by being out and about than you would be glued to a screen.
The only rule: no sequels. You already know about new Star Wars, new James Bond, Avengers: Age of Ultron, etc. But here are 15 exciting films that may not have popped up on your radar yet:
15. Blackhat
Release: January 16
Director: Michael Mann
Cast: Chris Hemsworth, Viola Davis
Even after a few recent misfires – Public Enemies, Miami Vice – I’m still an avowed Michael Mann supporter. I love his gripping thrillers (The Insider), I love his action chops (Collateral), and I love the epic weight he brings to his best work (Heat). Blackhat, a rather timely techno-thriller about American and Chinese forces attempting to catch a hacker, seems right up his alley – at their best, Mann’s films feel as intelligent as they are exciting, and this project will need both qualities to work. My biggest concern: the fact that it is being rather unceremoniously dumped in January, far removed from when studios typically release films they considers exiting (the summer) or smart (the fall). January and February are usually where films go to die. You hate to judge a movie by its release date, but it’s concerning.
14. The Martian
Release: November 25
Director: Ridley Scott
Cast: Matt Damon, Jessica Chastain, Jeff Daniels, Michael Pena, Kristen Wiig, Donald Glover, Kate Mara, Sean Bean, Chiwetel Ejiofor
That cast is really the pig’s wings – no matter how lackluster recent Ridley Scott efforts have been, great actors still flock to him. I, on the other hand, am starting to suffer from a serious case of Scott apathy. Based on a popular sci-fi book that’s been described as Apollo 13 meets Cast Away, The Martian stars Damon as a NASA astronaut stranded alone on the red planet, struggling to survive. It’s hard reading The Martian’s plot summary without thinking it was beat to the punch by Gravity and Interstellar (specifically the Damon part), but, it’s also hard to read the plot summary and not go, “COOL, MARS!!!” Scott is a technical wizard, and The Martian will give him plenty of opportunities to match the aforementioned recent sci-fi epics in terms of effects and visual spectacle. The question is, will the movie itself be worth the gobs of money he pours into it? The cast and Scott’s earlier work give reason to be cautiously optimistic.
13. La La Land
Release: TBD
Director: Damien Chazelle
Cast: Miles Teller, Emma Watson
Have you seen Whiplash? For the love of God, go see Whiplash. It’s my favorite movie I’ve seen this year, and, more importantly for the sake of La La Land, it’s the best-directed film I’ve seen this year. It’s unbearably taut, a drama about an amateur jazz drummer told with the breakneck pace and show-stopping intensity of a Jason Statham action flick. What I’m saying is, it’s freaking exciting. And I will gladly follow young director/writer Damien Chazelle to his next work, once again starring Miles Teller (revelatory in Whiplash), this time alongside Emma Watson. Whereas Whiplash featured riveting scenes of virtuosic musicianship, La La Land is an out-and-out musical, and I’m curious to see how Chazelle handles that fundamental change. TheWrap obtained production materials from the film in which Chazelle described it as, “…a musical about the way L.A.’s peculiar rhythms can push its residents to the edge of their emotions–be they hope, desperation or love. Think the kind of teetering-toward-madness you see in ‘The Graduate’ or ‘Boogie Nights’, and imagine if you were to push that further. In this case, the city pushes its residents all the way: it pushes them into song.”
12. Poltergeist
Release: July 24
Director: Gil Kenan
Cast: Sam Rockwell, Rosemarie DeWitt
Generally speaking, horror remakes suck. But two years ago I wrote an article about movies that I thought could actually benefit from a remake, and I included Poltergeist (a childhood favorite), writing “…it seems to me that the original, while appreciated, is not considered gospel the way 70/80s horror classics like The Exorcist or The Shining are, and could therefore be remade without seeming overly egregious or temerarious.” Besides the obnoxious use of the word temerarious, I stand by that statement. Poltergeist’s conceits – the tacit horror of suburban Americana, ranging from housing developments built on ancient Native American burial grounds to possessed TV sets – are as rich for ghoulish exploration as ever, and a clever remake could take these ideas and build something all its own. Sam Raimi is producing, which is a vote of confidence.
11. Crimson Peak
Release: October 16
Director: Guillermo del Toro
Cast: Mia Wasikowska, Tom Hiddleston, Jessica Chastain
Wikipedia: “Set in Cumbria, in a crumbling mansion in a largely rural and mountainous region of northern England in the 19th century, young author Edith Cushing (Wasikowska) discovers that her charming new husband Sir Thomas Sharpe (Hiddleston) is not who he appears to be.” I’m IN on that plot description – I’m a sucker for horror movies of the “my husband/wife is not who I thought he/she was” variety (i.e., Rosemary’s Baby, The Shining, etc.). I just find it terrifying. I’m also excited to see director Guillermo del Toro (Pan’s Labyrinth) go full-out gothic horror with a talented cast. He told Collider, “But basically what it is is a really, really, almost classical gothic romance ghost story, but then it has two or three scenes that are really, really disturbing in a very, very modern way. Very, very disturbing, it’s a proper R rating. And it’s adult.”
10. Joy
Release: December 25
Director: David O. Russell
Cast: Jennifer Lawrence, Bradley Cooper, Robert De Niro
The plot – a true story about a struggling single mother who becomes a wildly successful entrepreneur – doesn’t grab me in the slightest, but I’ll tell you what does: David O. Russell reteaming with Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper, the same trio that gave us Silver Linings Playbook and American Hustle. I enjoyed the former more than the latter, but both were highly entertaining adult fare, the kind of film Hollywood rarely gives us and that modern audiences even more sporadically turn out for. Robert De Niro in a supporting role doesn’t hurt, either.
9. In the Heart of the Sea
Release: March 13
Director: Ron Howard
Cast: Chris Hemsworth, Cillian Murphy
Based on the incident that served as part of the inspiration for Moby-Dick, In the Heart of the Sea details a disastrous whaleship voyage. The trailer promises, in no short order: giant pissed off whales, flaming ships, bad weather, mutiny, and insanity. It was directed by Ron Howard and it looks amazing, if by amazing you mean that the entire thing looks like it was shot through an Instagram filter. Back-handed compliments aside, it looks super intense and genuinely frightening.
8. Midnight Special
Release: November 25
Director: Jeff Nichols
Cast: Michael Shannon, Kirsten Dunst, Adam Driver, Joel Edgerton
Midnight Special, delayed from a 2014 release, actually clocked in at #13 on last year’s list of films I most anticipated. I wrote: “If you liked 2011’s tense, paranoiac thriller Take Shelter, take note of Midnight Special, another sci-fi suspense film from the team of director Jeff Nichols and actor Michael Shannon. We know it’s a chase movie (a father and son on the run) and an interview with MTV reveals that it’s inspired by the films of John Carpenter, which is a really smart thing to say if you’re trying to get me to go see your movie.” So why has it jumped from #13 all the way up to #8 this year? When I wrote last year’s list, I hadn’t seen Mud, Nichols’ Take Shelter follow-up. Mud is so tonally different from Take Shelter – and so freaking good – that I now have even more faith in this project.
7. Louder than Bombs
Release: TBD
Director: Joachim Trier
Cast: Jesse Eisenberg, Amy Ryan, Gabriel Byrne, Isabella Huppert, David Strathairn
According to The Playlist, Louder than Bombs “…will revolve around a late war photographer played by Huppert, whose husband and two sons discover a secret about her past as a retrospective of her work is being put together. Interestingly, the film has been described as having a ‘Rashomon’-style plot conceit.” Besides a solid cast and an intriguing plot, I’m excited for Louder than Bombs because it’s the first English-language film from Norwegian director Joachim Trier. I loved his last film, of which I previously wrote: “The best way I could describe Norway’s Oslo, August 31st to you would be to call it the ideal companion piece to Infinite Jest – one that necessarily avoids attempting to match its scope (going in the opposite direction, in fact, and zeroing in on a single day in one man’s life), but wonderfully capturing the depth and understanding, the compassion and bitter realizations.” I’m eagerly awaiting this follow-up.
6. The Sea of Trees
Release: TBD
Director: Gus Van Sant
Cast: Matthew McConaughey, Ken Watanabe, Naomi Watts
I really, really like Wikipedia’s plot description for this one: “A story about an American man who travels to the “Suicide Forest” (Aokigahara forest) to kill himself at the base of Mount Fuji in Japan, the site of numerous suicides. There he encounters a Japanese man, who wants to kill himself as well and then both men begin a journey of self-reflection and survival.” Dark, mysterious, borderline pretentious – I’m IN. It sounds reminiscent of Kurosawa’s Dersu Uzala, which made me weep like a baby. Plus, the tandem of Matthew McConaughey and Ken Watanabe is gold. I want to get existential with those dudes.
5. Silence
Release: TBD
Director: Martin Scorsese
Cast: Liam Neeson, Andrew Garfield, Adam Driver
Scorsese. That’s the entire justification for this film’s ranking. The story – 17th-century Jesuit missionaries face serious persecution in Japan – doesn’t necessarily sound like something you want to build your Saturday night around, but it’s Scorsese, so you will. It’s based on a Japanese book from the 60s rife with brutal torture and spiritual crises, so I don’t think this one has Leo DiCaprio and Jonah Hill playing beer pong in the Hamptons, ya know? That being said, this will probably be jaw-droppingly intense and moving and powerful.
4. The Revenant
Release: December 25
Director: Alejandro González Iñárritu
Cast: Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Hardy, Will Poulter, Domhnall Gleeson
Do you like Leonardo DiCaprio? How about bear maulings? Well then, you, my friend, are in luck – The Revenant features Leo as frontiersman Hugh Glass, who survived a bear mauling and vowed revenge on the so-called BFFs who left him for dead. It’s directed and co-written by Birdman’s Alejandro González Iñárritu, so we can expect it to be visually stunning and intelligent and exciting. We can also expect is to be rugged as shit, as Glass’ Wikipedia page features such vivid turns of phrase as: “The bear threw his flesh to its cubs,” “stabbing the animal repeatedly as the grizzly raked him time and again with her claws,” “Glass lay mutilated and alone,” “Glass set his own leg, wrapped himself in the bear hide his companions had placed over him as a shroud, and began crawling,” and “Glass laid his wounded back on a rotting log and let the maggots eat the dead flesh.” This one should be great for a first date.
3. St. James Place
Release: October 16
Director: Steven Spielberg
Cast: Tom Hanks, Amy Ryan, Alan Alda
I feel like we should get a Spielberg spy thriller starring Tom Hanks every year, just so that we have a built-in thing to do with our parents each fall. Like, “Hey son, why don’t you come visit your mother and me?” “Okay dad, we can go see that new Spielberg spy thriller starring Tom Hanks.” “To be totally honest son, that sounds dope as shit.” Everybody wins. This one was also co-written by the Coen brothers which is really unexpected and quite excellent.
2. High-Rise
Release: TBD
Director: Ben Wheatley
Cast: Tom Hiddleston, Jeremy Irons, Sienna Miller
If you’re not familiar with Ben Wheatley, this one might catch you off-guard. My first suggestion: get familiar with Ben Wheatley, the young English director behind some of the darkest, scariest, funniest films of the past decade (Kill List, Down Terrace, Sightseers). High-Rise, based on a J.G. Ballard novel, centers on a luxury high-rise apartment complex whose denizens form violent tribes and begin warring with one another. Its class satire and it sounds like the perfect fit for Wheatley, whose darkly comic films ooze ominous atmosphere. Check out his other work (Sightseers and Kill List are streaming on Netflix!) and add this to your own Must See list.
1. The Hateful Eight
Release: TBD
Director: Quentin Tarantino
Cast: Samuel L. Jackson, Kurt Russell, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Tim Roth, Walton Goggins, Michael Madsen, Bruce Dern, Channing Tatum
We almost didn’t get The Hateful Eight, my most anticipated movie of 2015 – the script got leaked to the press, and an outraged Quentin Tarantino shelved the film out of disgust. “See, that’s why we can’t have nice things,” humanity collectively grumbled. Fortunately, he changed his mind, and sometime next fall we should set eyes on another QT pulp classic. With this western set amidst a blizzard, Tarantino seems to be paying homage to Sergio Corbucci, the spaghetti western auteur who set The Great Silence in a Utah village paralyzed by snow. Tarantino is a known Corbucci buff (Corbucci’s most famous film just happens to be a revenge flick titled Django), so checking out The Great Silence may give you a window into Tarantino’s latest. I’d argue that there is no one in cinema right now – not PTA, not Scorsese, not Nolan – creating films that resonate so deeply amongst diehard film fanatics and casual movie-goers alike. Twenty-one years after Pulp Fiction, new Tarantino still always feels like a can’t-miss event.
Ah yes, January 1st, that magical day when we all get a chance to start anew. It’s a whole new year, and what better way to ring in 2015 than to make bunch of New Year’s resolutions. Kick all of those nasty habits and start some new ones. This is how it works: look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you’ll change completely on New Year’s Day.
It always works. It’s why you don’t ever hear about anybody making a life-changing resolution in June. For some reason, maybe it has something to do with the winter solstice, or perhaps it’s just knowing that everyone else is out there making their own resolutions, but promises made at the beginning of the New Year always seem to stick. I mean, if New Year’s resolutions didn’t work, why would people keep making them? Don’t miss out on this once-a-year opportunity to turn your life around. Need some help coming up with your own resolutions? I’ve got you covered. Here’s what you can do to make 2015 your best year yet.
1. Start exercising
Are you out of shape? Has it been a while since you’ve broken a really good sweat? Quick: what’s your resting heart rate? If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’re probably going to want to resolve to start exercising. This is a classic way to kick start the New Year. Your first step is to get out there and join a gym. Yes, it’s going to be really busy when you go to sign up, because lots of people tend to make the same fitness-related resolutions every year. Unfortunately, that’s just the cyclical nature of gyms and the New Year. People make resolutions to work out regularly at the gym, and New Year’s resolutions always work, therefore every year gyms keep getting more and more crowded. But that’s OK, because all of those people will motivate you to keep going.
Also, you’ll get to buy tons of cool gym stuff: really expensive gym bags, high-tech exercising clothes, and you’ll probably want to buy a couple of pairs of those weightlifting gloves for when you inevitably get strong enough to bench your own bodyweight. The beauty of the New Year’s resolution is that you can just dive right in. Don’t worry about starting slow. Make a plan to go twice a day, five or six times a week. You won’t burn yourself out too quickly, I promise.
2. Stop smoking cigarettes
Come on, who really smokes cigarettes anymore? Do yourself a favor and kick the habit. It’s a nasty one, just really bad for your health. If time travel exists in the future, and you somehow manage to put down the smokes, I wouldn’t be surprised if you from the future pays you a visit to thank you for doing yourself such a huge favor.
Besides ruining your body, cigarettes take a toll on your finances. I don’t know if it’s the same everywhere else, but a pack costs something like fifteen bucks in New York. And even if you’re rich, it’s not worth it. Try this: keep buying cigarettes, but don’t smoke them. Take them out of the pack and put them all in one spot. Keep doing it every day, as if you’re still smoking. At the end of the year, you’ll probably have a huge room full of cigarettes. And it’ll just be a great visual, like wow, I can’t believe I would’ve smoked all of those cigarettes. And don’t get too hung up if you don’t get that visit from the future I was talking about earlier. Maybe time machines are really expensive. Maybe there will be all of these really strict rules governing where and how we’re able to meddle with the timeline. Just stop smoking.
3. Stop doing cocaine
Has it been ten years already? Wow, talk about living fast. It all started out innocently enough, but you’d be lying to yourself if you said that your life hasn’t recently started to spiral out of control. What used to be a fun diversion from the same old boring nightlife soon turned into a few bumps here and there to freshen up throughout the course of the day. And now that you really think about it, when was the last time you weren’t doing cocaine? Do you have any money left?
Fear not, because you don’t necessarily have to die young. There is a solution: just tell yourself that, starting on Wednesday, you won’t do cocaine anymore. Make it a New Year’s resolution, to stop doing cocaine for good. The best part about it is, you still have two days left to party balls-to-the-walls crazy. I’m talking, scrounge up whatever cash you have lying around in between the couch cushions, get out there and sell some blood, do whatever it takes to convert the rest of 2014 into a continuous white line, party like maybe 2015 won’t ever show up. And then when the ball drops at midnight, make yourself a pot of coffee, and just stop. Look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I hereby resolve to quit!” It works.
4. Learn a new language
There’s no better time than the beginning of January to decide to get fluent in a new language. With the Internet, it’s so easy. Just log onto one of those language-learning web sites and do it. Last year, I started learning Portuguese! I would have finished too, but after only a couple of lessons, I had the bright idea of taking my newfound linguistic skills and trying them out in the real world. There’s this Brazilian barbeque place a few blocks down from my house, and so I walked in and was like, “Hello! Good afternoon!” I said it in Portuguese, or at least, I thought it was Portuguese. It’s been a while now so I can’t remember.
Anyway, it turns out that the busboy that I was having my practice conversation with was from Senegal, and so he didn’t really speak Portuguese either. I didn’t get that right away though, I was being stubborn, following him around the restaurant, into the kitchen, insisting on breaking through our language barrier. Eventually the owner came out and asked me to leave. This guy had to have been Brazilian, and I wanted to say, “Why? What did I do?” in Portuguese. But I was unprepared, I couldn’t remember any of even the basics that I had learned the day before, and so finally I left, embarrassed, resolving to give up Portuguese lessons for good. But this year I’m thinking of trying German, or maybe something random like Lithuanian or Tagalog.
5. Stop fighting with your brother
My mom’s always yelling at me, “Stop fighting with your brother!” Even though I’m not doing anything, he’s always the one starting everything. Hey mom, how come you never tell him to stop fighting with me? Anyway, New Year’s is the perfect time to let bygones be bygones, especially with your family members. And if I can stop fighting with my brother, there’s no reason you can’t stop fighting with your brother either.
Because seriously, my brother is such a dick. For Christmas, one of my aunts gave me this really nice new sweater. When I first opened up the present, I was like, “Oh wow, a sweater,” not really very excited about getting just a sweater for Christmas, but still trying to be nice about it. I threw it in a pile of other random clothes by my bed. But then the next day at dinner, my brother came down wearing my sweater. And everyone at the table was like, “Wow, that’s a nice sweater, it looks great on you.” That was my sweater. And I said to him, “What the hell? What are you taking clothes out of my room?” He said, “What? I thought you didn’t like it.” I said, “I never said that. Give it back!” He wouldn’t, I insisted, we would up getting in this ridiculous scuffle, me trying to force him to take off the sweater. OK, I admit it, I could have acted like more of an adult. And the sweater got ripped, so it’s not like either one of us is going to get to wear it in the future. Dinner was ruined. My mom was really pissed. “What the hell is wrong with you?” was the last thing my dad said to me. So yeah, this year I’ve just got to resolve to stop fighting with my brother. Even though he’s such a dick about everything.
You’re more than an old friend – star crossed lover – master fucker – yin to my yang (that sounded unintentionally sexual) – you’re the gravity that keeps this old, rest with reckless wear soul from ascending new heights toward an abyss keen on devouring lonesome spirits.
You can say you’ll leave – and I’ll hear you, and I’ll exist on the every beat of a pause between the string of words that follow.
You can go out every door between now and the last that’s an exit from this life and an entrance to the next – and I’ll dutifully as a damn golden retriever named Sandy, ’cause isn’t that a great name, follow you every step of the way.
Why? Why not throw in my chips, and cash out on a reality not alongside you – the young woman, completely and utterly done with me?
Because without you – I’ve no muse. No means to channel the nonsensical shit that encompasses modern day civilization into words that become pages that become chapters to a book readers connect with on a level deeper than you, me, and any fuckin’ bozo can comprehend.
It makes sense doesn’t it? That which I live to create – original, written work that’s hard hitting in the most coveted of places – is meaningless without the young woman I wake for.
So read this my love – then read it again. If any of the pre-described heartfully delivered bullshit resonates with you, as I daringly hope for – I cross my fingers, and rest with unparalleled ease, anticipating a return back to the way things were.
A return to those days off a romantically-driven movie script, where we’d fall like the only two stars off a barren night sky upon your palace of a bed to fuck and make love at the same time in a mindless chase for that fleeting moment we realize all the bullshit we endure on a day to day basis – is worth more than a skeletal two bedroom, and a couple perpetually enraged bosses only capable of speaking ‘unforgiving-spittle.’ Sometimes.
Those days we collectively agreed a break from the cold hard cruelties so damn prevalent in the grandly fucked up rat race society’s so set on playing into was best spent in the company of a soul that fills in all the convoluted, missing pieces inevitable in couple tumultuously lived lives.
So this – this letter awash with the ramblings of a bitter, disheartened man is a call for you to hop back on board the carousel that goes ’round this fucked up, dying old world with a lone passenger questioning why he’d ever get on with anyone else besides you.
I see a lot of single women in my office, women who—despite being smart, successful and attractive — complain that the dating world isn’t being kind to them (have no fear! These 8 tips will help). To be sure, both single women and men must navigate a dating world that often seems long on narcissists and nutjobs, and short on nice and normal.
When it comes to women, their complaints are threefold: 1) They can’t meet a good man; 2) Men treat them with disrespect or indifference; and 3) They get stuck in dead-end relationships.
When I first sit down with a single woman who is looking for dating advice, I ask her a simple question: “What are you looking for?” A no-strings relationship? A cohabiting or common-law arrangement? A husband and legal marriage? If her answer is the latter, we take a critical look at her dating habits. What is she doing? Are her choices leading her to the life that she wants for herself?
Over the past decade or so, I’ve found there are a few common pitfalls that women who want to get married inadvertently fall into which, decreases their chances of getting married while they’re still young enough to walk down the aisle without stopping for breath. One of these pitfalls is living together before marriage.
I don’t come at this issue from a moral or religious standpoint. A woman is and should be free to decide what is best for her without being judged, controlled or condescended to by others. My advice is only for those women who want to marry and is based on studies as well as my professional experience.
Below are several reasons I believe living together is a bad choice if a woman wants to marry.
These are a handful of the things that are covered far more comprehensively in my dating guide, The Modest Minx: The Date-for-Marriage Method for Women Who Know That Good Men Marry Class, Not Ass.
1. Men and women have very different ideas about what living together means.
Women typically see it as an almost inevitable step toward marriage, while men see it as a no-obligation “test drive.” Couples who initiate a live-in relationship under the fog of such contradictory assumptions are already in trouble.
2. You’ve heard the old expression, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”
It’s an ugly phrase, but there’s some truth to the message. Living together results in regular, no-strings sex for a man, thus removing the sexual motivation that is part of a marriage proposal. And don’t worry about his proposing just to bed you—there are too many sexually available women out there for a man to propose marriage just for sexual release.
3. Living together means that a man doesn’t have to pursue his girlfriend any longer.
And if something is too easily acquired, it just doesn’t hold the same value as something that is more challenging to get. I have seen many men in my office who are apathetic about their partner and I have noticed this to be more true with couples who are either cohabiting or who lived together before “sliding” into marriage.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a man say, “Well, we’re not married so it doesn’t really matter,” or “I just married her because she wouldn’t shut up about it,” or “I only proposed because everyone expected me to.” Their lack of enthusiasm and passion toward their partner is as depressing as it is discouraging.
4. There is no interest on taking things to the next level.
Because it removes much of a man’s motivation to make the formal commitment of marriage within a reasonable time, living together often causes women to feel frustrated and get stuck in a cycle of hope and disappointment. Christmas comes and she hopes for a ring, only to be disappointed. Her birthday comes and she hopes for a ring, only to be disappointed. Her sister gets married and she hopes for a ring, only to be disappointed. You get the idea.
Even worse, this cycle often leads to ultimatums—Marry me or it’s over! — which, in turn, can lead to a reluctant and passionless groom or, just as bad, a woman who tries to fool herself into believing that “marriage is just a piece of paper” so that she doesn’t have to break up with a man who calls her bluff.
5. Couples who live together are less likely to get married.
Why? Well, for the reasons I’ve mentioned that remove the motivation to marry. Co-habiting couples also tend to have a more lax attitude toward commitment and don’t work as hard to stay together. When their relationship goes through a rough spot—as all relationships do—it is all too easy to just walk away. The legal and public commitment of marriage motivates couples to work through conflict, strengthen the relationship and stay together.
6. Living together is not a reliable way to predict long-term compatibility or marital success.
In fact, couples who live together before marriage divorce at higher rates. There are other ways to set yourself up for a happy, healthy marriage. Serious dating allows two people to get to know each other as loving friends and determine whether they have a reasonable chance of being a faithful, respectful and cooperative couple with shared values and vision.
Spending time at a boyfriend or girlfriend’s house will reveal many personal habits and quirks, while a practical pre-marital class that teaches communication, interpersonal and life skills can give couples the tools they need to help avoid common problems and resolve those conflicts that will invariably arise.
7. Very few unmarried couples who have children end up staying together.
In other words, a child’s chances of living in the same home as his or her biological but non-married parents until he or she is a teenager is negligible. Of those couples that do keep their relationships intact until their children are grown, 93 percent of them are legally married.
This is important, since children who are raised by both biological parents in a low-conflict home are more likely to be emotionally and psychologically healthy than children whose parents are cohabiting or divorced. They are less likely to experience mental health or behavioural problems, or to live in poverty.
8. Living together takes the excitement out of being newlyweds.
Being a new bride and moving in with your husband to start a life—and perhaps a family—with those shiny new rings on your fingers to show the world your commitment, is a wonderful experience that many women still hope for. Put the cynics and haters on ignore—their bitterness reflects their own choices and reality, not yours. Many, many couples still live “happily ever after” after marriage and you can, too. You just need to know where you want to go in life, and what choices are most likely to get you there.
Again, these are just a handful or problems that living together creates for women,and that results in them spinning their wheels—for years, sometimes!—in dead-end relationships. The cycle can be as humiliating as it is heart-breaking. Break out of it!
Sig Nordal 