I haven’t written a note in forever. It’s been a long night and not the happiest one, but I was talking to my good friend, Molly, about my troubles, and I feel quite a bit better. 🙂 We talked about my being bogged down by the past and mentioned that my tattoos were an example of my moving forward. Her saying this got me thinking a lot about them and the reasons why I got them in the first place. I’ll be up for a while due to the nap that I took earlier and because I realize that I have more things to do, so I might as well write this.

I never imagined that I, of all people, would ever get tattoos! I had this image of only cool and badass people getting them, and I never saw myself as such lol. I also have a low tolerance for pain and didn’t think I could ever withstand getting one and enduring pain of that magnitude for a long time. (I thought the experience would be a lot worse than what it actually was). But my senior year of college was one of the most painful and most rough times in my life, as many people know. It still affects me to this day, and I have come to the realization that it’s something that will always stay with me and has changed me, for better and for worse in some cases. This was the first time I ever pondered getting a tattoo.

I saw some pics on Facebook and Tumblr and was instantly drawn by the quotes. I saw one tattoo that I thought I wanted to get but later decided against. Then I saw a picture of a woman showcasing a tattoo on her side that read “Words can’t say what love can do.” The positioning of it was stunning to me. I knew that I wanted it, but instead instantly changed the quote to “I’m stronger than I was yesterday.” I don’t know why I thought of that saying so quickly, but it was a testament to all I had endured in those couple of months alone. I felt at my weakest. I felt that I would never fully recover from the turmoil, depression, and the pain that it all caused. But deep down, I knew that I’d one day become a stronger person from it, no matter how long it took and no matter how down I’d get and would continue to get. It would be a reminder to myself that everything, not just this experience, that I had been through had made me a stronger person and would continue to grant me more strength than I ever could have mustered alone.

Two years later, I finally got that first tattoo. That same month, I got another one on my foot, reading “This too shall pass.” They were extremely painful experiences! They lay on two of the most painful areas that reside on the body. But as the tattoos read, the pain did eventually pass. As I know that one day, this pain will pass as well, even if it takes some more years. Having these scripts on my body as a daily reminder is extremely helpful. They remind me of how much I have overcome, of how much I am overcoming, and of how strong I truly am. I am so pleased that I get to have these reminders stay with me for the rest of my life, to reflect and look back on and stare at whenever I am feeling at my lowest and most unworthy. It is also fitting that my first two tattoos, and this will probably go for other ones as well, were quotes. I have always expressed myself better through words than through images. People get tattoos for many reasons, but these are the reasons for mine. I was able to receive a pain that I could control that eventually went away. Just like all bad things that occur. They may exist for a while, but they eventually do pass and life goes on. All of the tattoos that I get will show me that and will always provide a different piece of advice and reveal to myself and others a different slice of who I am. And for that, I will always cherish them.

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1. The goodbye to your current life:

After your graduate, things will never be the same. Unlike high school, there’s no more transition period. College was the last safety zone. The last chance to figure out who you are, who you want to become, before you are thrust into the real world. The scary world that everyone warns you of, that never seemed real until now. You realize that all the fears of surviving, in a new city, a new lifestyle, a new job, are all too overwhelming. That cap and gown is the last piece of college you will ever touch and then…your new life begins. Wherever that may be.

2. The goodbye to your best friend:

This may be the hardest goodbye of them all. The person you met maybe during move in freshman year or during a hard class you stayed up late studying together for. They have been there for you, through the bad breakups and the embarrassing nights out. They were always close by. Someone you could walk to the door of, and cry. But after graduation, who knows where your lives will lead. Almost certainly, you both will begin different journeys…in separate cities, separate states, or separate countries. And maybe your paths will never cross again. For fate will decide.

3. The goodbye to the professor you’ll never forget:

Maybe you haven’t loved every single one of your professors, but there just might be that one. The one that really impacted you, who made a real difference in your life. Who pulled you aside when they knew something was wrong or encouraged you when you were right, believing in you. Sometimes professors impact us beyond the classroom, and those are the best moments. The ones who no longer treat you like a student, but a mentee. Someone who truly cares about both your academic and overall future. Their advice is genuine, memorable, but most of all SO TRUE.

4. The goodbye to the person you’ll never be with:

Obviously crushes are meant to be a secret, or only shared with your closest friends, but it’s no secret that they are about to leave your life,getting away forever. The person that you wished you had the chance with. Maybe you’re the girl who got him through the hard class because of what he thought was your simple eagerness to always help, or you’re the guy who has always been the girl’s right hand man, but nothing more.

For those of us who are good enough to be “a good friend” but nothing more, saying goodbye is going to sting…bad.

5. The goodbye to the person that changed your life:

This is that one person in college, the person you owe everything to. They guided you when you were lost and helped you make some of the most important, critical decisions of the past four years. This could be a boyfriend, girlfriend, mentor, ANYONE. The only requirement  is that they played a major role in shaping who you are now. Making you a stronger, more confident person, sure of what you are capable of. This person you now recognize was sent to you for a reason — and now their chapter in your life is about to end. You aren’t sure how to cope.

6. The goodbye to your college self:

You have learned a lot in the past four years. You have grown from scared, unsure freshmen to a person you sometimes don’t even recognize…in a good way. But just like you have changed in the past, you will change after this day. Graduation will propel you toward a whole new adventure, one far scarier then the one that has just passed. And again, you will change with every passing year. You will always continue to grow and change. So realize that the person you are in that cap and gown, will not be the person you are 3 years from now or 10 years from now. Life changes a lot of things. 

***

If I have one piece of advice for you. Don’t let anyone get away without saying goodbye. Closure is the best thing.

So hug tight and let no words left unsaid, because every chapter within our lives should have a complete ending.

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Are you married, engaged or in a committed relationship right now? What brought you two together? What is keeping you together?

Most of us base our attraction to others on their looks, sex appeal or personality (because honestly, who can ignore guys’ 7 sexiest traits), but we are unaware of how our life force energy also contributes to lasting success in love.

Do you know any long-term couples who still radiate love and appreciation for each other? If so, how do they do it?

Energy Psychologist, Dr. David Feinstein, and his wife, Energy Specialist Donna Eden—a couple who practice what they preach—say that EVERY successful love relationship goes through 3 phases:

1. Wild Passion
2. Disappointment and Reckoning
3. Deepening and Flowing

Feinstein and Eden explain what attracts us to each other and how to brave the ups and downs of love relationships in their book, The Energies of Love.

1. Wild Passion

This part is easy. Usually good looks and sexual vibes attract us initially. Stage 1 is a time of excitement and romance. However, many people seek my professional help when, after the first glow of passion starts to fade, they find themselves in the midst of Stage 2, feeling challenged and disappointed when they realize their happily-ever-after fantasies are an illusion.

My job is to coach couples in using Energy Psychology methods (especially EFT acupressure tapping) to heal their wounds, communicate better with each other, and appreciate what brought them together in the first place, so they can enter the third phase of deepening and commitment.

2. Disappointment and Reckoning

When the magic fades, disappointments may appear and resentments grow. The partner you once found exciting now may seem boring. Habits that you thought were sweet now drive you up the wall. Maybe your partner has gained weight and doesn’t look sexy anymore. Or, he never got that promotion at work and is not making enough money to support the family in the style you expected. How satisfying is your sex life? Have parenting obligations begun to push you apart?

The way to get through the disappointment stage is by learning how to recognize and honor your differences and incompatibilities in a supportive, caring constructive manner. The first step is to look for the echoes of what you once had.

For example, Linda and Kevin created a wonderful ritual that not only got them through Stage 2, but also continued to help them deepen their love as they entered Stage 3. Every year on their anniversary they went away to a beautiful getaway in order to take stock of their marriage. In this neutral setting, they honored what was strong and loving in their relationship and also identified the stresses they were encountering.

First, Linda and Kevin reminisced about how they met, shared what qualities were special in their spouse, and talked about what they still appreciated and loved. Next, they paid attention to any stresses that were eroding their good feelings. Sometimes what seemed an insignificant negative trait in the early days of passion, can grow into a painful wound if not addressed. Linda and Kevin used EFT acupressure tapping to change the future of their relationship by refusing to stay stuck in negative emotions toward each other.

3. Deepening and Flowing

You might want to try what worked for them in order to deal with your doldrums. You can perform your relationship check-up anywhere, at any time; however, it works best if you find a place and time where you won’t be interrupted.

Begin by reminiscing about how you met. What attracted you to each other? Share what good qualities you still cherish. In my article, Driving Each Other Crazy? It’s In Your DNA, I point out the ways we are different from our spouses or lovers that are part of our temperament and will never change. Share one of the things you dislike about your lover. Rate how upset you feel from 0-10 as you bring it to mind.

Instead of fighting over this ongoing stress, use EFT Tapping. Tap the outside edge of your hand saying, “Even though I hate it when you ____ (fill in your complaint), I still love the way you ____ (state something you love and admire in him or her).” Do this 3 times and then tap each of these other points on your head and torso for 3 seconds while you picture your partner acting the way that drives you nuts:

• Crown of the head
• Eyebrow: the beginning of the eyebrow nearest the nose
• Side of eye on the bone outside the outer corner of the eye socket
• Under the eye above the cheekbone
• Under the nose
• Under the lower lip
• Under the collarbone
• 4 inches under the armpit on the side of the body

Tap around these points 3 times. When you finish take a deep breath and notice what happened. Did you observe any changes in your thoughts, emotions or sensations? If you started at an upset rated 9, is it still a 9 or less?

Complete a few more rounds of gentle tapping focused on the same topic. The goal is to reach zero, which means that you are able to acknowledge that your lover is doing the best he or she can, and you are no longer angry or resentful. You can accept him or her as they are today, that they are doing the best they can.

When you tap these acupressure points, it helps you relax and release tension, anger or fear. When that happens you may find that your thoughts become clearer. For example, as you tap you may realize that you, too, have behaviors or beliefs that make your significant other feel upset with you.

In addition to taking stock of your relationship, you might decide to make plans to share activities that you enjoy together and that enrich your life together. Don’t wait to perform a relationship tune-up once a year—you may want to clear the air once every 3 or 6 months if needed. It’s an easy way to reinforce your loving energy and keep your love alive and thriving.

For more raw, powerful writing follow Heart Catalog here.

This post originally appeared at YourTango.

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Last night was a disoriented blur of impassioned, orgasm-inducing sexual enlightenment.

It was undressing, unbuckling, unbuttoning one another’s every article of clothing during the erotically-inspired promenade through your bungalow of an abode, to the bedroom. But then, morning presents itself, painting your clusterf*cked dirty laundry of a bedroom with rays of golden sunshine, and you yawn in unsettled protest. Then, after wiping the bleary sleep from your tired eyes, you lend a moment’s pause to the face perched on a pillow alongside yours. Black as jet hair and bone structure that would instinctually make a teenage boy’s balls drop.

Oh, oh sh*t, she’s waking up. Rustling about this way and that, arms stretched overhead, devilish post wake-up smirk, and then boom: There they are. The eyes capable of clearing a man’s head and instead filling his every fleeting thought with how to keep the grey-hued beauties around as long as possible. Because life just makes a bit more sense with those eyes around. Overthinking is tossed out the window like an apple core and primal instinct dictates the ebb and flow of your every action thereafter.

There’s no mistaking the awkwardness that ensues when waking up in such a situation. She is waking up in a bed other than her own and feels totally exposed.

You wake up on the right side of the bed.

Ancient Chinese proverbs tell us our day’s tone (good or bad) is determined by the vibe of morning – okay, not really. All fabricated proverbs with Chinese origins aside, there’s something to be said for a smooth morning lacking in expected snafus. You know, those mornings when coffee’s effects take hold quicker than usual, in turn breeding higher levels of productivity – or those mornings you didn’t wake up an infuriating 15 minutes before the prearranged date with a roarin’ whore of an alarm clock.

Waking up on the left side of the bed, because the right side’s taken, not by a pillow, but a living, breathing, mystical creature of a sleeping woman – well there’s nothing like it. Fucking nothing, nothing at all.

Your day begins over conversation with a beautiful young woman.

While kicking your day off with locker banter over breakfast in company of the roomies has its merits, like refining your trash-talk prose, and rousing you from your post-wake up state of apathy – it also gets old as any unoriginally, superficial song by Justin J “Beebs” played on the radio.

Chatting life, goals, hobbies, unexplainable interests with a beaut of a young lady before you shed yourself of those heat-retaining, wooly covers not only provides engaging discussion, but hell, you’re improving your listening/small-chatting skills without having left your bed.

Sex for breakfast, and if you awake beforehand inspired with exceptional go-getter fervor whip up some bacon. Making the love is especially profound, when enveloped in a Hempler bacon themed bubble of aromatically sweet, savory madness.

Almost forgot – you must play your cards right for this supposed “brexfast” to exist in the realm of possibly coming to fruition. Assume the sex-love making is an assured thing, and you inevitably give yourself bedeviled state of epically blue-balled exasperation. Take it from a fooligan, who has been down both beaten paths.

You behold a beautiful face untouched by routinely applied cosmetics.

Don’t get me wrong, makeup has its benefits, can adorn a couple cheekbones with arresting definition, or pronounce a pair of soul-enlivening eyes with incomparable drawing power. However there’s just this, well, unfettered grace in a makeup free face – and it’s a damn shame we seldom see such humanly blemished faces.

You fell asleep to her melodiously; rhythmic sleep breathing patterns like the young lady was a damn sleep machine.

A young lady adrift in a tranquil cosmos of dreams, inhaling then exhaling in a relatively measured fashion cultivates a pacific atmosphere conducive to melatonin-sleepy time tea induced dormancy. She’ll lull you into pass the fuck out mode like it’s her gosh, darn, damn job – and you, you’re her most treasured customer.

For more raw, powerful writing follow Heart Catalog here.

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It’s pretty well known that when Europe was expanding, exploring and colonizing different parts of the world, some pretty remarkable events occurred. It’s also been fairly well established that immigrants coming to America had a rough time, to say the least. We learn about these topics on a superficial level in grade school, enough to get an overview of the facts and major events in society’s historical past. Unbeknownst to some however, is the truth behind these facets of history–truth that is so often left out of mainstream accounts and textbooks; truth that can only be seen from the perspective of others.

Colonization: it’s not a new story, but it’s pretty classic. European nations expanding, exploring and claiming new territories all over the globe; from the early 1500s all the way through the twentieth century. These expeditions have often been revered as impressive nautical voyages and feats of navigational technology; a testament to the ability and intellect of European explorers. However, as so often happens, there is more to the story. Genocide, destruction, and loss of native cultures– for starters. 

In an effort to expand my own knowledge of Europe’s colonial history, I have read and researched several books. True to form, when I read a great book, I want to share it! In the spirit of sharing knowledge and encouraging enlightenment, I have chosen a few which I would recommend to anyone who may be looking to learn a little more about the complexities of colonization throughout history.

1. King Leopold’s Ghost by Adam Hochschild

I would absolutely recommend this novel to anyone interested in the colonization of the African Congo. I first read it a few years ago, and it challenged everything I thought I knew about colonization and imperialism. Although the brutality of these true events make this novel almost hard to read at times, it’s an enlightening glimpse into what really went on in the Congo. It also shows how the Belgian King convinced his supporters that his work in Africa was “noble”–an insight into government corruption and media influence. This is an excellently written novel that will keep readers fascinated from beginning to end.

2. Guns, Germs and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies by Jared Diamond

This award-winning nonfiction book is more of an overview of human development and the construction (and destruction) of societies throughout human history. This novel does a great job of highlighting various aspects of European colonization and expansion. Throughout this informative text, Diamond touches on the issue of European colonization of lands such as North America, Latin America, South America, Africa and Australia. He mentions why Europeans had the upper hand over native peoples, and does a wonderful job of proving his points and informing readers every step of the way. Encompassing a range of fascinating topics and arguments, this book is an absolute must-read.

3. Empires of the Atlantic World by J.H. Elliott

An intriguing book, this novel compares Britain’s colonization of North America to Spain’s conquest of South American regions. Elliott shows the similarities of the destructive forces used by both European nations in their quest for control of their colonies. It shows readers the ruins these nations left in their wake, and the toll it took on native peoples of both continents. Unique in its comparative analysis, this book is worth looking into.

4. Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad

A classic and insightful look into colonial brutality in the Congo. This book contains portions of Conrad’s manuscripts from his own trips to the Congo, as well as maps and other documented information. Similarly to Hochschild’s novel, this book also informs readers of the atrocities committed during this colonial era and will have them rethinking how the African continent has been used and mistreated throughout history.

5. The Fatal Shore: The Epic of Australia’s Founding by Robert Hughes

Australia is unique in that it has a different past than most of Britain’s colonies. Rather than exploiting land, resources and people, Britain sent prisoners to Australia for nearly 100 years, beginning in the late 1700s. This novel delves into the details of Britain’s decision to use Australia as a prison colony, and the harrowing journey and punishments inflicted upon those who made the voyage. Factual and well researched, this book also highlights the effect this colonization had on the native Aboriginal people as well as the prisoners themselves.

6. Facing East from Indian Country by Daniel K Richter

Richter tells the story of European colonization of North America from the perspective of Native American tribes. A story most people think they know, this novel shows the non-Eurocentric point of view; an informative look at the other side of the story. Highlighting some of the complexities behind North American colonization, this novel is perfect for anyone interested in learning more than what is taught in a typical text book.

These books are full of valuable perspectives into the history of European colonization of various continents. Providing different points of view, factual evidence and the (unfortunately) often sad and painful truth behind what many of us have been taught to believe.

***

Immigration: another issue in which many of us average folks have a basic understanding. Most of us learned of America’s “melting pot” and the influx of immigrants beginning in the colonial period, continuing to present day. What many of us did not learn however, is of the prejudice and constant struggle to survive (let alone succeed) which many immigrants faced upon arrival–and still face today.

I feel that to truly learn and understand the journey of others, we must see things through their eyes. The following novels can help readers to do just that. They are well written, enlightening stories of immigrant life in America from a range of perspectives and time periods.

7. When Heaven and Earth Changed Places by Le Ly Hayslip

A moving autobiographical account of one Vietnamese woman’s struggle for freedom and acceptance. This novel tells the story of her incredible journey and the unfathomable tragedies she faced, both in Vietnam and America. Dealing with war in her home country, she leaves everything behind for a new life in America, where she faces prejudice, unfair stereotyping, and attempts to make her way. Based on true events, this novel shows readers the very real struggle–and incredible perseverance–of Vietnamese immigrants who made their way to America in an effort to escape the Vietnam War.

8. The Irish Americans: A History by Jay P. Dolan

Thorough, engaging and insightful, this novel offers readers a genuine history of Irish immigration and establishment in the United States. Dolan not only enlightens readers as to when and why many Irish people immigrated, but also shows the struggles they faced to maintain and legitimize their heritage as immigrants in a new nation. From the Irish Potato Famine, to the election of John F Kennedy, Dolan encompasses a range of relative information which will both educate and entertain readers.

9. America is in the Heart by Carlos Bulosan

This autobiographical novel conveys the hardships and viscous racism Bulosan faced as a Filipino immigrant. It will have readers reevaluating how much “freedom” and “opportunity” America has afforded to immigrants. Beginning with his childhood in the Philippines, Bulosan writes of his journey to America and the perils of his transient life; constantly scrapping to survive and endlessly searching for work and opportunity.

10. Salone Italiano: The True Story of an Italian Immigrant Family’s Struggles in Southwestern Colorado by Kay Niemann

Based off of letters and first-hand accounts, this book seamlessly ties together human interest with history. It chronicles an Italian family’s struggle to stay together and succeed in a harsh Colorado mining town around the turn of the century. As easy to read as it is informative, this novel will keep any reader interested. Including romance, hardship, and the family’s struggle to keep tradition and still adapt as immigrants, this novel has a little bit of everything; a true family saga.

11. There’s No José Here by Gabriel Thompson

Following Enrique’s story as an illegal immigrant, Thompson writes an intimate and moving story of what life is like for Mexican immigrants. As a contemporary novel, it highlights an issue many Americans have faced, debated, and will continue to debate: illegal immigration. Often lost in these debates are the undeniably real issues Mexican immigrants grapple with on a daily basis, and the stereotypes they fight to overcome. This novel does a wonderful job of reminding readers what we are all human and vividly shows the dilemmas many Mexican immigrants face.

12. Out of the Shadow: A Russian Jewish Girlhood on the Lower East Side by Rose Cohen

First published in 1918, this autobiography tells the story of a young girl’s fight to make it in New York City at a time when immigration was high and opportunities were scarce. Cohen writes about the poverty in which she and her father lived, and the grueling hours she worked (as a child no less) to get by. Her novel is an informative, moving account of one Russian family’s struggle to make it in America and their remarkable ability to keep their religion and tradition amidst it all.

It’s hard to question what we have been taught to believe. Weren’t the colonists friendly toward the Native Americans? Didn’t Europe spread “God’s good Christian word” in Africa? Didn’t immigrants have all the same opportunities in America as those born here? We have been told it was so, led to believe the lighter side of these complex topics. But if we want to truly understand what went on, we cannot simply accept what we have been told. By expanding our knowledge of these issues, we begin to get an understanding of what really happened throughout the world’s colonial and immigrant histories. And what better start could there be to expanding knowledge and understanding, than to read a good book–or twelve.

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A common phrase in personal finance is “pay yourself first”.  This phrase means that a person should have the money that he/she gets from his paycheck automatically deposited into some form of savings account such as for retirement.  This automatic savings occurs before the person has the money to spend it on bills or discretionary purchases.  The phrase gives you the feeling that you are treating yourself well financially just like you would treat yourself to a spa day to soothe your mind and body.  It is a form of forced savings that prevents you from putting yourself in the situation where you have to choose between that pair of Lululemon yoga pants and saving for the future.  Near term gratification tends to take precedent in most people’s lives.

Everything that I just stated you may have read before or heard about on some financial website.  I had to briefly define it to introduce you to the new concept that I have developed.  I believe that you should pay yourself with time.  This means that as soon as you get off of work or out of class I want you to spend your time on working on a project that you love.  This should not be misconstrued into rationalizing away time wasting activities such as going on Instagram; that is simply procrastination.  I am not advocating for that.  What I am saying is that you should spend your discretionary time on doing something that you love before you spend it on running errands or on the previously mentioned social media.

This idea can be compared to the practice that many forward thinking companies such as Google are implementing.  These companies allow employees to spend about 10%-20% of their time on activities that they find interesting.  Some of these projects end up becoming hugely profitable expansions for the companies.  It isn’t that revolutionary for me to tell you that you should probably start that blog or that company that you have been thinking about in your head for the past 2 weeks.  The reason why you haven’t already started that project is because you are tired, don’t have enough time, and aren’t motivated enough.  Not only should you set aside time to work on these ideas, but you should also postpone your errands and even homework assignments to start doing these projects.

The idea is very similar to the concept that involves savings in that it forces you to do something that will improve your future.  The idea is that you will still end up having enough money to pay your bills and you will probably just have slightly less money to spend on items that you don’t really need.  This is the same with my concept; you will have enough time to get those errands done later and you will probably just have less time to make an unimportant, unnecessary Facebook status.

The fact is that errands and other activities that waste time are mentally draining.  I know that whenever I go to places such as the US Postal Service it is always an adventure because I have filled out some form wrong or my package weighs an ounce too much.  Once you get home from your task, you do not feel like working on your master plan that will take an immense amount of effort.  Your brain wants to take a mental nap, not go into overdrive.  This is why you must pay yourself first.  What will happen is that you will work on your project for a couple of hours and then get your errands done.  Afterwards you will simply have less time to go on Twitter and rant about how the store wouldn’t take back the jeans that you haven’t even worn because you didn’t have the receipt.

To give this piece a bit of a more personal touch, I will describe how I have used this concept in my own life.  I have been using it my whole life, without even knowing it.  When I was in high school, I would always spend time researching stocks instead of doing my homework or going to swimming practice on time.  This may have led to me doing pushups before practice or spending time doing my homework when I should have been sleeping, but it allowed me to have way more knowledge about the financial markets entering college than most of my peers did.  If I was faced with the decision to sleep or check out stocks on Seeking Alpha, I probably would have done the former.  Because I worked on the task I loved and put some of the things I had to do on hold, I allowed myself to make progress.  This idea is probably why I never return my college textbooks on time, but it is also the reason why I have over 300,000 page views on my financial articles on SeekingAlpha.com.  I’ll take that tradeoff!

Maybe this article simply is telling you to do the things that you love and sleep less because of it.  In that case you may have just wasted your time reading it which would be the antithesis of my goal for you!  But if this article gives you a little motivation to start writing that short story that you have been tinkering with in your head then I will be satisfied and you will be too!

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Producer’s note: Someone on Quora asked: Visiting and Travel in New York City: What are good tips for hailing a taxi in Manhattan? Here is one of the best answers that’s been pulled from the thread.

I drive a yellow cab.

Here are some tips to the tourist, the New Yorker, and the tourist that thinks he’s a New Yorker.

1. Don’t wait till we are passing you to throw up your hail. We need to see you in advance so we can get over to you.
2. Get off that curb. It’s okay baby, this is NYC—don’t be afraid. Stand in the street. Hang off the curb. Ignore those oncoming cars, they’ll move… (maybe). Just remember, everyone’s on the sidewalk: the masses, mailboxes, streetlights, homeless people, halal stands, cell phone case stands, overflowing trash bins, and red light cameras (Houston and Chrystie, I will get you!). If you want a cab, make yourself SEEN!
3. Go to a gas station between 4 and 5 a.m. or p.m. The shifts end at five and cabbies need to fill up before they go in. There are only 10 or 12 gas stations in manhattan. Eight of them are on the West Side on 10th Ave. Take your pick.
4. Lexington Avenue from 30th down to 23rd St. has the largest concentration of Indian restaurants in the city. I like curry in a hurry.
5. Bond St. between Bowery and Lafayette is a major shift change spot for private drivers that don’t work for a Garage. You will always find a ride when the shifts change from day to night.
6. If you’re downtown, stand on the uptown side. If you’re uptown, stand on the downtown side. This is regardless of where you are actually going.
7. Don’t look shady. This applies to all races. There is no other group of workers that work harder at a more dangerous job so crucial to the survival of NYC, and without health insurance. We carry a large amount of cash on us and are easy targets. If you look like trouble, we’re going to keep driving.
8. Let your girl do the hailing.
9. Don’t look like you’re going to throw up.
10. Don’t stand with the large group of people you’re going to ask to illegally jam in my cab.
11. Don’t stand at the base of a bridge (particularly the Williamsburg Bridge). There’s nowhere to pull over safely to pick you up, and if we’re going over the bridge we probably already have passengers.

That’s all I can think of for now. I hope this helped. If I think of anything else, I’ll update the post. Meanwhile check my website: Things I See From My Cab.

Be sure to check us out on Vine! Follow us here.

This answer originally appeared at Quora: The best answer to any question. Ask a question, get a great answer. Learn from experts and get insider knowledge.

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1. To be and to do.

In the blue corner, Benjamin Franklin says “Either write something worth reading, or do something worth writing”; in the red corner, Alan Watts says, “The meaning of life is just to be alive. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.”

Both express important aspects of life. Watts is speaking against the rat-race that robs us of the joys of simply being present. Franklin highlights the potential we possess to leave an indelible mark — that great achievements are made by people no different than ourselves.

There’s value in simply being alive and knowing your presence matters. And there’s value in what you contribute to the world; to find what you’re passionate about and share that. A meaningful life is a dance between the two.

2. Traumas and triumphs.

Nobody seeks to experience traumas, yet there isn’t a single person who hasn’t endured adversity. Meaning is forged in how we respond to them.

Those who’ve overcome trials always comment on the invaluable lessons learned — that they wouldn’t go back and change a thing. That the triumph eclipsed the trauma.

Andrew Solomon gives a moving Ted Talk titled: “How the worst moments in our lives make us who we are.” He gives one example from a rape victim that leaves many speechless:

“I said to her, ‘Do you often think about the man who raped you?’ And she said, “I used to think about him with anger, but now only with pity.”

And I thought she meant pity because he was so un-evolved as to have done this terrible thing. And I said, “Pity?” And she said, “Yes, because he has a beautiful daughter and two beautiful grandchildren and he doesn’t know that, and I do. So as it turns out, I’m the lucky one.”

Andrew’s quote, “If you banish the dragons, you banish the heroes,” doesn’t mean we celebrate tragedy in a trivialized manner, but that if we shift the lens, we realize there are profound lessons in choosing to overcome trials.

3. Free will and determinism.

Some believe we have no free will, that all of our actions and behaviors are predetermined neurologically through upbringing and environment. Those in the field of neuroplasticity disagree; showing that we can change our brain, and that we’re wholly and solely responsible for what takes place in life.

Our experience gives way to both; sometimes, we freely choose to pass on those donuts, other times we’re possessed by the cookie monster. There are times we’re nothing like our parents, and other times we’re a splitting image.

To the extent that we’re able, self-discipline and willpower needs to be exerted. Ultimately with decision making, joy comes in knowing we’re in the driver’s seat rather than in the passenger seat. Whether or not free will is an illusion, feeling as though you’ve expressed your will is better than being a mindless robot. Taking responsibility is always better than seeking out someone to blame.

4. Thinking fast and slow.

To go with your head, or with your heart? That is the question.

Psychologist Daniel Kahneman divides our thought processes into two systems: System 1 is fast, intuitive, and effortless; System 2 requires slowing down, reasoning, and processing data.

Thinking fast, or just going with your gut, is often tied in with the unconscious mind; science has shown that it’s incredibly accurate — once we identify a goal, our mind draws from the vast information we’re subconsciously exposed to, and responds to triggers that support the goal.

Thinking slow requires more conscious effort to fully explore an issue, but can lead to overanalyzing and inaction. Whether you ultimately decide to go with logic or intuition, realizing your physical and emotional state when making the decision is just as, if not more, important. Being in a stressed, tired, or negative state will never yield the best decision.

Think fast, and slow — but do it while you’re rested and in a positive state.

5. Change and permanence.

If you’ve heard the words, “Gosh, you’ve changed,” it was likely with a derogative tone, and remorse over what happened to the person they once knew.

To be grounded and consistent in our values is a good thing — hypocrisy has never been celebrated. Yet at the same time, returning to your high school reunion and seeing old friends stuck in the same ol’ thing comes with a sense of shame. To grow and change is a good thing — stagnancy has never been celebrated.

Iteration and evolution are two great words balancing the truths of permanence and change: you may never change careers in your life, but you’ve grown in your work. You may never leave your country, but you’ve fulfilled all your dreams.

6. Science and spirituality.

The advent of the enlightenment and scientific revolution was the great divide between faith and reason. Positivism and Empiricism became the dominant methods for determining truth, and all else was classed as superstition.

But recently, we’ve seen the traditional enemies overlap, with science validating once esoteric practices like prayer and meditation.

It’s a reminder that while truth and confidence can be grounded in facts and figures, trust and assurance can also be found in what’s not visible to the naked eye or immediate to our senses. Belief, gratitude, and faith — less tangible experiences, supported by science — all broaden and add to meaningful experiences in life.

7. Striving & letting go.

Ancient scriptures are littered with paradoxical lingo: Lao Tzu said, “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” Jesus said, “Whoever tries to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will preserve it.”

There’s a flow to life, a rhythm of striving and letting go — holding on too tightly is like swimming against the current. Hard work, hustling, and persistence needs to be balanced with patience, and at times, stepping away.

Following the massive success of Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert shares the crippling pressure of having to follow up this book with another one. With millions of anxious readers, she cranked out a manuscript over the course of one year — but it just didn’t feel right — “The voice didn’t sound like me.” Gilbert put the manuscript away, never to be looked at again, and focused on her garden patch.

The break brought clarity; rather than writing the book for the millions anticipating, she started over and wrote it for an audience of 27 close friends, who needed the message of the book.

In letting go of what the book had to be, it became what it was meant to be.

In our striving, we should also be willing to let go.

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Producer’s note: Someone on Quora asked: What is a food that is advertised as healthy but is actually really unhealthy? Here is one of the best answers that’s been pulled from the thread.

I think it’s important to start with me saying that I hate the “unhealthy” vs. “healthy” debate when it comes to food. Good vs. bad is a natural human bias, but it tends to create a bit of a toxic food environment, hurts our relationship with food and increases confusion about nutrition, rather than enhancing it.

Healthy or unhealthy, is entirely context and is dosage-dependent.

As I’ll detail in my answer, some cruciferous vegetables by and large are very healthy for the majority of people. However, they can become unhealthy for people with selenium or iodine deficiency and other thyroid-related disorders.

Likewise even something we all generally demonize (like sugar) can be very useful in the context of recovery from intense physical activity and can increase performance in long-duration endurance performance as well. For most people a diet high in sugar, certainly isn’t a very good idea, but it can have its place.

Juice, is easily over-consumed, but in small manageable doses in relation to other foods, could also have a place in your diet and many have been shown to have positive health effects.

Yogurt, in its plain form is also generally considerably healthy; however, take a look at the grocery store selection and you’ll see that the majority of people opt for sugar-laden alternatives (generally you’ll see as high as 20:1 selection of sweetened versions to plain versions).

How you treat your food is important and marketing is generally in place to make you eat more than an ideal quantity of food overall. Provided you can manage ideal dosages, most foods are not 100% bad for you (the only real exception I can think of, off the top of my head is hydrogenated trans-fatty acids found in many processed vegetable fats), nor are they 100% good for you.

If you tried to eat every single thing ever quoted in a study as having positive health benefits, in quantities that have been shown to have those benefits, every single day, you’d no doubt be well beyond your needed energy intake, despite the high quality of your food.

This will still most likely lead to weight gain and the detrimental health effects that are generally associated with obesity (like diabetes, CVD, etc). This is despite having what most people could or might consider a “healthy” diet. Overall, quantity still matters even for research-proven healthful foods.

You can still overeat foods that many of us associated with “health,” it’s just typically less likely because they are generally harder to overconsume. Whether they are full of more fiber, or protein, or are more satiating in general, we have a harder time eating too much of them in their less altered states.

Furthermore we can’t demonized all forms of processing or alterations to food either, as many forms of processing unlock nutrients and make them more bioavailable to us. i.e. in many cases cooking/processing unlocks nutrients so that they can more easily be digested and absorbed. For example, various protein powders can be very useful in many contexts, though quite processed by many people’s standards.

It’s namely added refined oils/fats, in combination with simple sugars and excessive salts, in place of other more valuable micro- and macro-nutrients (like protein and fiber), that tend to be the most problematic for most people.

With that in mind, here are some advertised foods that you can have a chuckle about to yourself:

• Fat-Free (typically = loaded with simple sugars instead)
• “All-Natural” or “Made from Natural Ingredients” (as if natural prevented lead or mercury from being very toxic)
• “Organic” and yet, still processed into a box or packaged (not ALWAYS but very often)
• Comes in a box or package and has a very long shelf-life thanks to preservatives and heavy processing (think many crackers or chips though not necessarily all of them, and not necessarily that bad in appropriate quantity)
• Juice (especially types that have sugar added and are not 100% juice, these often get counted as a serving of fruit or vegetables)
• Most breakfast cereals (throw a bunch of heavily processed grains and ingredients together, market it as healthy like Special K…)
• Yogurt (if we’re talking plain, high protein versions, OK maybe, but most people opt for types with a ton of added sugar – see Fat-Free above too)
• Dried Fruit (in small quantities sure, but I’ve known a great deal of clients who go to town on these and they are very energy dense, particularly in sugars, making them easy to overeat – a small cupped hand is generally 1 serving)
• Some RAW Vegetables (particularly many cruciferous vegetables and soy that have goitrogenic properties – i.e. A high quantity of these particularly raw in your diet like supposedly “miracle health foods” kale, collards, broccoli, etc… can alter thyroid function over time if over-consumed – Keep in mind that these are still very healthful in appropriate dosages for the majority of people, that overconsumption is probably more than a few servings per day (so you’d have to eat A LOT of them) for healthy people and that cooking negates a significant amount of this effect overall. You are more at risk if you are deficient in iodine or selenium, so for most people this is generally not a major concern.)
• Many commercially produced Vegan, Vegetarian and Paleo foods.(Listen…processed is processed, regardless of whether or not the ingredients fit loosely into a dieting strategy – that vegan-soy-like-burger product, is not really any better off than the commercially produced hamburger)
• A lot of other marketing speak foods, that use jargon into fooling you not to read the ingredient list or research how it was manufactured/made and from what sources.
• Anything touted as a Miracle Health Food or Superfood because it encourages greater overall consumption, under the notion that “more-is-better.” There is always the potential for the overconsumption of any food, even for highly perceived healthful foods like dark leafy green vegetables or healthful seeds like flax or chia. Dosage is an important consideration, you can over consume nearly anything, so remember that variety is a reasonably important consideration in any diet.

Most of these are really public perception. “Healthy” eating is really very different to different people based on their own belief patterns and perceptions.

It’s not really that black and white.

I eat eggs almost every day for breakfast, to my parents, they still view eggs as cholesterol bombs that will negatively impact your cholesterol (despite evidence in the last decade to the contrary) and thus health. Likewise, I drink full, fat, grass-fed milk semi-regularly, eat red meat usually once or twice a week, cook with coconut oil/milk, butter and ghee in reasonable quantities (saturated fat is about 1/3 of my total fat intake generally), which is sacrilegious to many people who grew up in a time when saturated fats were heavily demonized.

Dosage and context always matters a great deal when discussing healthy or unhealthy foods too. To the hypertensive, limiting salt is probably a good idea. To the healthy person, if you cook most of your own food, cooking with salt is probably not a big deal (and makes stuff a little tastier…). A small daily dosage of a few servings of raw cruciferous vegetables is probably fine for the majority of people who don’t have any issues with their thyroid, iodine or selenium deficiency. However, six servings a day over a year or more could eventually lead to a poor outcome too.

At the end of the day it’s really more important to keep in mind context. Is eating Vegan or Vegetarian or Paleo a healthy eating strategy? Generally, yep!

However, you can still fall into any of those nutritional camps and not have a great diet overall if you’re not meeting your nutritional requirements, or are getting foods from poor sources overall. Potato chips and french fries are still Vegan. Though if you eat them once a month, probably not going to significantly alter your triglycerides readings either.

Furthermore, while I generally encourage people to eat more whole minimally processed foods, the key word that some people seem to miss is ‘minimally.’

Bread (think something like Ezekiel bread) can still have a healthy place in your diet, and by all accounts is fairly processed overall (ground flour, salt, water, yeast, mixed together and baked). It’s the extremely processed stuff that I think most people should generally avoid (though having some from time to time, probably not a HUGE deal breaker either). Here might be another example of where context is also important, gluten-full bread is very unhealthy to the celiac, but mostly fine for everyone else.

Other examples of food of this nature may include:

• Cheese (especially Raw, and/or minimally processed varieties) – could be potentially healthful (dairy consumption is positively correlated to maintaining a healthy weight)
• Yogurt/Kefir (provided it is plain) (again, dairy, but also some fermented products improve gastrointestinal healthy in some people too)
• Many fermented foods like Sauerkraut, Kimchi, Kombucha, etc… (though, overconsumption can also cause some stomach issues and there is a risk with raw fermentation going off)
• 100% Juice or Juice you make yourself (easy to over-consume because it’s a liquid, but certainly a glass a few times a week for most people won’t break the bank if they so chose)
• Dried fruit (provided they are consumed in appropriate quantity – i.e. sparingly and perhaps the preservative free types are generally better – if you look at dried cranberries, you’ll often see added sugar and sunflower oil…what?)
• Hamburgers you’ve made yourself with minimal ingredients from high quality sources in particular (I make burgers all the time, but avoid the caloric bombs by using leaner chuck and skipping the buns and heavy sauces)
• Many homemade/minimally processed soups (which are processed — look on the labels of some canned soups)
• Many raw vegetables are great for you, while simply cooking others negates 1/3 of any goitrogenic effects (I’m not personally a fan of all raw diets, but to each their own I suppose, cooking can often make many great vitamins and nutrients more bio available).
• Many protein powders (extremely processed when you think about it, I look for ones with ingredients like 3-4 ingredients: whey, vanilla, cocoa and stevia only, but very useful for people who are very physically active)

To imply that all processed food is bad for you is misleading. It’s also bound to lead to a lot of psychological anxiety/stress for the modern human being.

“Unhealthy” food is really a matter of dosage. Eat manageable quantities and there is most likely no appreciable health detriment of certain foods, but nearly everything and anything can be over consumed if you put a lot of effort forth. It’s just generally harder to over-consume whole minimally processed foods in general because they require a lot more from us digestively speaking, leave us feeling full for longer and are more difficult to breakdown/process.

Most public health organizations allot 10-15% of diet overall to allow some processed foods as a tolerable limit; It’s better to think of food as existing on a spectrum rather than ‘healthy’ and ‘unhealthy’ (or ‘good’ and ‘bad’). I’d argue that you can probably include some cheesecake, pizza or other publicly perceived ‘bad foods’ here or there in moderation with great success. More and more it appears that being too restrictive with your diet may create some negative psychological experiences.

Remember that other things like high stress/anxiety, lack of regular movement, or lack of sleep, can have an equally profound effect on ‘health’ and are major contributors to things like heart disease.

At some point you have to ask yourself:

Is it really worth it to always try to have the “perfect” healthy diet all the time?

I’d argue no…in fact, people who do, are far more likely to binge eat, use short-term dieting solutions and suffer from cognitive dietary restraint.

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This answer originally appeared at Quora: The best answer to any question. Ask a question, get a great answer. Learn from experts and get insider knowledge.

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1. Tell me more about [thing you are so passionate about you can’t stop talking about it]. Because what I’m really saying is “I care about what you’re interested in, and I take it as seriously as you do.”

2. I’m not going to tell you that you’re hot or sexy. Not because I don’t think that you are, but because I don’t think those words are strong enough for how I feel about you. They don’t convey the warmth or the vivacity that you hold within you. I will tell you you’re beautiful instead, because I think that does a better job of telling you that what makes you attractive is a combination of your physical and personalty traits. You are so much more than a great ass or a nice face.

3. I’m sad that you didn’t succeed at that thing you were trying so hard for, not because I care, but because you do. What you offer in this relationship is not an accolade or salary, I just want to be with you every day, and your goals and dreams become mine. For better and for worse.

4. I’m not saying that you are perfect. I’m just saying that I wouldn’t change anything about you. I love every single part of you, perfect or not, because that’s what makes you so unique and fascinating to me. I like you for all the ways that you aren’t like anyone else. What I’m telling you right now is that I will love you unconditionally.

5. Your personality is one of my favorite things about you. Yes, I think you’re pretty and yes, in my eyes you look like a supermodel. But what I love more is how well I get along with you and how much fun we have together. I feel like I would never, ever get bored with you, and that’s more important to me than the fact that I’m physically attracted to you.

6. I love the fact that you never cease to surprise me. You’re one of the most interesting people I’ve ever met, and I never know what to expect with you. I feel like I need an entire lifetime to figure out the person that you are and then some. Being bored is one of the risks of being in a relationship, but I never worry about that with you.

7. I don’t care what your friends think or what your parents think or what your coworker thinks. Your opinion is the only thing that matters to me, and everything else is relative. If their opinions are important to you, they’re important to me. But your opinion dictates all of that.

8. No, that outfit doesn’t make you look fat. And the reason I’m rolling my eyes is because yes, I understand that you don’t look like Jennifer Anniston, but who cares? Nobody looks like that. To me, you look great.

9. Few people know a lot about [insert any hobby or interest here]. So even though I’m completely clueless about it, I love that you’re passionate about it. And I’ll do everything I can to learn more about it from you because I’m interested in things that interest you, even if they don’t interest me directly.

10. Your insecurities are some of my favorite things about you. That dimple you’re embarrassed about or that laugh that you hate or the freckles you wish you could erase are the same exact things that make me love you all the more. They make you memorable and different and interesting and a breath of fresh air. I understand that it’s hard for you to get over these insecurities, but just know that there’s someone out there (me) who loves you all the more for them.

11. Please stop saying you’re an “ugly sleeper.” Because I’ll never stop thinking you’re adorable when you sleep, whether you’re in a peaceful slumber or in a drunken stupor.

12. I love how much you love to read. Because what I’m really saying is “I love how intelligent you are. I think you have a lot of interesting things to say and I am genuinely curious about your opinion and your stance on certain issues. I love the fact that I feel like I can learn something from you.”

13. You’re cherished. I want you to know that you are one-of-a-kind to me. I treasure you because I know that girls like you don’t come around very often. Whenever you’re feeling down or not quite like yourself, I want you to remember that you’re the whole world to me.

14. There are so many little things about you that I love. Your cute laugh or the face you make when you’re concentrating or the way you bite your nails when you’re nervous. I love learning a little bit more about you each day, and I don’t ever want to stop.

15. I’m proud of you. And I don’t mean that in a patronizing way. I just mean that I think you are so impressive and admirable and accomplished and respectable. I want to support you in whatever career you want to do, but more than that, I’m proud of you for the kind of friend and daughter and sister and person that you are. 

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