In 2000, Reed Hastings met with Blockbuster’s CEO, John Antioco, to propose adding another video rental delivery system. Antioco rejected the proposal and ignorantly followed the path that eventually led to the closure of Blockbuster. Reed Hastings, the CEO of Netflix, achieved success while Antioco missed the opportunity.

In 1999, Mark Cuban sold his publicly traded company, Broadcast.com, to Yahoo for $5.7 billion and proceeded to further expand his successful empire. By 2002, Yahoo shut down its broadcast services and also discontinued Broadcast.com. Cuban sold at what seems to be just the right time.

Antioco and Cuban were successful businessmen at the time and each made an important move at a critical time in their businesses. Antioco’s move led to the eventual closure of Blockbuster and Cuban’s move further propelled his successful career as an entrepreneur.

Those moves involved one thing: awareness. It’s a critical element in strong emotionally intelligent people. While emotional intelligence focuses on personal and social awareness, contextual awareness is just as important. The act of being aware can predict whether someone succeeds or fails in his career.

Awareness Exposes Past Shortcomings

Failure without learning is a missed opportunity.

People who have the ability to recognize why and how the failure occurred in the past can gain insight into ways to grow. Unfortunately, failures or shortcomings are not always easy to identify.

If you only chalk up failures as when something catastrophic happens in your life, you are going to miss on the opportunity to grow through them. Failures are priceless and far too many people would rather ignore failures in order to feel like they are successful.

As much as possible, do not ignore your failures and use them instead. If you are more worried about being right or winning in all situations, you will miss those losing moments where experience has a valuable lesson to teach you.

See Also: 5 Ways To Make The Most Of Failure

Push back from your present situation and reevaluate those moments where you messed up, where you did not meet up to standards or where you did not meet a goal. These are the failures that can leave you with a valuable set of lessons.

Your awareness in the past will help you succeed in the future. Truthfully recognizing your past successes and failures will open the doors to a successful tomorrow.

Awareness Brightens Present Situations

Awareness has the ability to let you see your current situation accurately. With all the distractions fighting for your attention every day, it’s easy to feel overloaded and even burned out. They can stop you from seeing life clearly. And the less clarity you have, the harder it is to successfully pursue your dreams, plans and goals.

Recognize your present situations, their benefits and consequences. The more awareness you have in the present, the better you’ll be in making decisions. Awareness helps you decide what you should and shouldn’t pursue. Your decision in these matters will be a deciding factor to your level of success.

Mark Cuban saw his present situation within his company as a good point to sell high. Without this present awareness, he might have missed the opportunity to sell high and build his empire off of his company being sold.

John Antioco missed his current situation because he was blinded by his current success. Blockbuster was very successful when Reed Hastings approached Antioco, but Antioco didn’t see the true colors of Blockbuster’s present success. Blockbuster was making most of their money on people’s late fees and Hastings and Netflix eliminated this pain from customers. While Blockbuster was successful on other people’s failures to return their movies on time, Netflix grew in success because they solved customers’ problems.

Do not be blind to your current situation. A true reality check will allow you to see if you are in a healthy situation or not.

Awareness Sheds Light Into The Future

People who can honestly identify past successes and failures and see their present situations accurately will have the advantage to see into the future. Things today are changing constantly and those who are able to identify the changing tides have the upper hand.

See Also: How To Maximize Your Potential While Embracing Your Weaknesses

A surfer, for example, will sit in the water to wait out on his desired wave. He must be aware of the movement of water and the timing of the wave before he jumps. That is awareness.

Mark Cuban didn’t miss his success wave. In fact, he caught it just in time.

Awareness Will Predict Your Future Success or Failure

Step back and exercise your ability to be aware of yourself, your relationships, social environment and context. The stronger your awareness of the past, present and future, the greater your chances of being successful.

Use awareness in business to learn lessons, measure conditions and plan for growth. These things can surely set you on the right track to achieving your goals.

 

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Gaining financial independence won’t happen overnight, nor will it happen only by knowing how to cut costs. But, those are great ways to start.

As many sports fans say, defense wins championships.

Playing great defense with your money is the best way to rack up small victories and quick wins in your quest to achieve financial security. It’s the first thing you should think of. Defense is where you learn what you truly need and hone your sense of discipline.

Some people might first think of trying to earn more money to keep more of it. That’s great–nothing wrong with making more!

I’m all for that, but defense comes first. Simply trying to bring in more money won’t make you rich if you don’t know how to use it.

If you can’t manage $500 well every month, you won’t manage $2,000 any better.

“The really good business manager doesn’t wake up in the morning and say ‘Today I am going to cut costs’ any more than he wakes up and decides to practice breathing.” -Warren Buffett

Think about what’s under your control. Choosing to play great defense is almost entirely up to you. It’s unlike getting a raise at your job, returns in the stock market or clients hiring you as a freelancer. These aren’t bad things, but they aren’t as much of a sure bet.

If you cut costs, you immediately keep that money. It’s a guaranteed win for you.

Think about how to cut costs and which areas you can do it. Here are a few quick suggestions from my own life.

The Gym

Do you use it? Is it worth your money?

For many gym members, it’s not worth the expense, especially if it’s more of an aspirational statement rather than part of an actual routine. I gave this up. I run almost every day, and it doesn’t cost me anything.

See Also: How To Train For A Marathon

Car

Drive the kind of car you need, not the newest or the biggest. Don’t get caught up in those TV ads with cars doing all sorts of rough-and-tumble things you would never actually do. What it does on a closed track with a professional driver is completely irrelevant to you. Don’t get taken in. You may not even need to own a car.

TV & Cable

Spending lots of time and money on TV is a good way to be less healthy and keep less of your money. The same is true of many entertainment choices. Try this new lullaby: “Netflix and chill / kill the cable bill.”

See Also: 5 Ways to Cut Down on Your TV Costs

Add 25%

Remember that everything you buy is bought with after-tax income, meaning that you should add 25% to account for your tax bracket. 25% is easy math, even if it’s not your bracket. Keeping this in mind can only help you cut spending.

Timing

Most things have some element of timing built into the price. Restaurants with happy hours or special deals, stores offering time-sensitive deals, vacation spots with off-season discounts…you get the idea. Use it to your advantage.

Lifestyle creep

Avoid it. Stay away from spending more on luxury goods, like high-end gadgets or designer clothing just because you can. That’s a good way to end up owing more than you own and spending more than you keep. It’s what you keep that will matter more.

Save more than 10%

No matter your income, you’ll likely thank yourself later in life for saving more now. Compound interest needs time to work in your favor, and you need to give it a push. It’s commonly recommended to save 10%, but I see this as insufficient in a world of longer lifetimes, potentially lengthier retirements and rising healthcare costs. Try to save more if you can.

Keep the network alive

This relates more to advancing in your career than it does saving money, but staying connected with people you’ve known in the past or work with now can only help you. Even if you don’t experience the benefits right now, continue building your relationships by helping those you can. Learning how to cut costs counts, but human capital pays dividends too.

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Our higher self

You can call it intuition, inner knowing, the universe, higher beings or whatever works. Everything that exists contains this flow of energy. It’s always there. When you are in that flow, you know that you are safe. You know you can do anything. You know that everything will go well and everything will work out.

There are no mistakes when you’re in the flow. You can’t do anything wrong.

It’s kind of like being in that make-believe world we had as children where we could do anything we set our minds to and nothing could ever go awry.

That’s what being in the flow is like.

We are designed to live in the flow. We are designed to live our lives as powerful beings.

Unfortunately, our minds get in the way

Our minds live in the physical world. Our minds need PROOF. Our minds KNOW…

…that we’re individuals

…we’re not connected to everyone else

…we’re separate

…other people are dangerous

…mistakes are wrong and bad and we must avoid making them or other people will think we’re really stupid

…we measure success by comparing ourselves with others

We live in a world created by our mind.

The Subtlety of Our Intuition

Our minds are so loud that we often miss what our higher self is trying to tell us because our higher self is very subtle, very gentle. In fact, it’s the complete opposite of how the mind is!

Our higher self might give us a nudge to go in a different direction when we think that we absolutely know the way. Synchronicities and coincidences map out the path that our higher self is guiding us along.

The difference between the way the mind works and the way our higher self works is like trying to compare Las Vegas and Vienna. You can bet your bottom dollar that the path our higher self will take us on will be the quickest and most beneficial one for us in more ways than we can possibly imagine.

Our higher self gives little nudges: ‘take the next left turn’ or ‘call Sam’ whom you haven’t seen in ages. Before we know it, something completely unexpected happens. It’s like landing on a ladder square in snakes and ladders: we bypass three rows of squares and catapult forwards.

Can you remember how it feels when that happens in snakes and ladders? You’re way behind everyone else then you land on a ladder square and suddenly, you’re in the first place and way AHEAD of everyone else?

You feel amazing: light, happy, gleeful, joyous.

Anything and everything become possible.

That’s how life SHOULD feel. You SHOULD feel happy, joyful, excited, safe, loved ALL THE TIME.

You’re meant to live your life IN THAT FLOW of energy.

But to do that, you must quieten the mind down to the point where you can hear those intuitive nudges.

Which is easier said than done, to be honest, because the purpose of the mind is to protect you.

And really, all it wants to do is to keep us safe from harm. It works to be KIND to your mind, to not judge it and to understand where it’s coming from.

The more you resist what your mind is trying to do, the louder it’s going to become.

Give your mind a break: its job is to protect you.

Quieten The Mind To Hear Your Intuition

Having said that, how can we quieten our minds to the point at least where we can hear our intuition?

• Doing something physically strenuous will usually get your mind to calm down: e.g. running, swimming, boxing or an aerobics class.
• Doing yoga
• Meditating
• Journaling
• Visualising

Find a method that you can do DAILY to help calm your mind to the point where you can at least HEAR the nudges from your intuition.

Get into the habit of listening out for those nudges. Look for synchronicities, the coincidences, the little hints and suggestions…

And then, FOLLOW them! Now you can hear them, FOLLOW THEM! Don’t ignore them!

When you get one of those nudges, it’s like landing on the ladder square: take advantage of it!

If you were playing snakes and ladders and you couldn’t see where the ladder was heading, you STILL wouldn’t hesitate to take the ladder square, would you?

You wouldn’t take another turn just in case you ended up somewhere you didn’t want to?

You wouldn’t take another roll of the dice just because you couldn’t see what was at the end of the ladder…

Because you’d KNOW that the ladder was heading UPWARDS and by taking it, you’re going to end up that much closer to the end square.

Your higher self wants you to win

It wants you to have everything you’ve ever dreamed of.

You just need to listen to it when it’s talking to you.

Try thanking your mind kindly for its input, give it a big hug, quieten it down and listen out for those nudges from your higher self and follow where they’re leading.

You will end up somewhere completely unexpected and more amazing than where you planned to be!

And I’d love to hear where that is!

 

The post Do You Drown Out Your Intuition? appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

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Freedom is what gives people the power to act or not to act. It allows them to determine their own future and to shape their own destiny. That is what we all crave for. Yet, somewhere along the way, we have lost touch of this freedom we all love. We now struggle with our own minds.

If you are struggling to take control of your life, here’s what you need to know.

What many people are doing

Most people get influenced by the world around them. This can be intentional or unintentional, but it keeps them from being fully in control of themselves. They don’t have the power to make the most out of their day. They cannot stick to the choices they make.

People go along with these influences like they are normal. Instead of being in full control of themselves, they have given up their freedom to things and people which should not matter to them.

Why it matters

These scenarios happen countless times every day and most people don’t realize their extent.

Instead of playing with their kids, parents are influenced into placing a football bet after watching a TV advertisement. Employees browse aimlessly on the internet, instead of working. Instead of working on their business, aspiring entrepreneurs are busy scrolling on Facebook after receiving a few notifications.

If you are one of those people, you need to wake up and take control of your life. You aren’t living on your terms and you are being influenced by things to such an extent that you aren’t a free man anymore.

What you can do

An acknowledgment of this is a good first step, but most people don’t even go that far. They continue to live their lives depending on other people’s approval. They don’t even realize that they have a choice and they let other people control their happiness.

Modern society considers this as normal. Isn’t this absurd?

Many people are still fighting for political freedom to this day, yet many of our actions aren’t done through our own control. People should fight for freedom, and the freedom we can most control is the freedom within ourselves. No one should influence our choices in life.

We must protect what we have, especially what we can control. We do not have power over many things external to us, and we can accept that and continue living happily. But, we shouldn’t be so weak and give up our control of what can’t physically be taken away from us.

After all, political freedom won’t mean much if one’s own mind isn’t free. If we cannot control our mind, then we can’t expect ourselves to fully enjoy a life based on our own terms.

Conclusion

The worst part of this is that this is all self-inflicted. There isn’t an enemy this time- just ourselves.

And we shouldn’t be our own enemy. We should be in full control of how we live our lives.

Many ordinary people will agree with this article, but right after they are finished reading it, they will go back on Facebook, their phones and pondering things that aren’t really important. The reality is that it takes great effort to get rid of these temptations, especially if it’s not in your true interest.

Bear in mind, however, that you have a choice to reclaim your freedom and take control of your life.

Strong people can easily agree to this. They know that they are in full control and nothing or nobody else has power over them. These people have the authority over their lives and they will do what they want. They will not cave into societies’ influences.

These things are great examples for other people, especially those who have lost their way and those who are currently unhappy with their lives.

Embrace change if you need it. Your freedom is one of your most prized possessions, so don’t take it for granted. When one realizes that he might have lost his way, then they need to fight back for it. Freedom is never worth giving up.

 

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Most people understand what hardship is but not a lot of people know how to develop empathy. When we think about someone who undergoes hardship, we often think about those who are impoverished, disabled or marginalized in some way. What we fail to think about is subjective hardship.

What is subjective hardship?

I define subjective hardship as the hardship that someone internalizes. Often, we cannot see these hardships. But, just because we cannot see them, does not mean that they are not real. Just because someone might seem fine on the outside, does not mean that person is not having real pain on the inside.

If a child from a high-income household expects hundreds of presents each year, and one year that child receives less than expected, there is a good chance that child will be undergoing subjective hardship.

Now, you might be thinking that this spoiled kid is not undergoing any hardship and that’s exactly the problem. The number of people who take their lives has increased in recent years. High schools and colleges are seeing a major increase in mental health issues across young people who are 14 to 24 years old.

Many of the reasons that these numbers are increasing revolve around how we conceptualize hardship. We have to reframe how we think about hardship to better understand what factors are leading to the increase in mental health service use.

Developing empathy for hardship

One of the best ways to understand how people conceptualize subjective hardship is to listen. Active listening is the key. Simply listening to someone who is going through some form of hardship, without judgment, could make all the difference. When we fail to account for subjective hardship, we forget that we are human.

Humans live and die by the expectations they create for their society, community, and families. If all of a sudden, we change someone’s paradigm, that person is likely to struggle with his or her mental and physical health. On the outside, that person may own a fancy house and car, but, on the inside, that person could be struggling with depression, anxiety, and stress.

Break down the barriers through vulnerability

The easiest way to break down a barrier is to acknowledge. If someone you know seems a little off, say something.

There are so many reasons why we experience pain in life. However, because we feel like no one will be able to understand the pain and what we are going through, we often hide them.That attitude is the barrier that we need to break down. Other people will only be able to understand you if you let them in.

Showing vulnerability is the easiest way to get another person to open up to you. If I tell you about how my life is going and the struggles that I face, you will be more likely to open up to me. Showing vulnerability is showing strength as it takes strength to admit when something is wrong.

If we can break down the barriers and realize that people are just people, then we might be able to save some lives.

Conclusion

Hardship is both objective and subjective.

There are plenty of data on objective hardship which enable us to know exactly how to combat it. What we know less about and what we need to learn more about is subjective hardship.

No one has a perfect life. Because we place such a high value on money and material possessions, we often forget how important personal relationships, health, and moods are. No one deserves constant stress, anxiety or sadness. It is the right time that we step up and show empathy for others.

The simplest way to show empathy is to listen to someone’s problems. Ask about what’s going on in their lives. Try kindness and aim to develop trust.

There is a good chance that person will return the favor in the future. If we can break down our barriers, we can develop relationships across socioeconomic boundaries. Be just a little better than you were yesterday and see what happens.

 

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There are many positive actions and habits we know we should do, like working out, eating healthily and not spending beyond our means. We know the big things that will make our lives better, but the fact that they’re big tasks means they can feel daunting or overwhelming.

And so we easily give up on them.

Life isn’t always about big, bold milestones. It’s also about the little things that can bring you a more positive and fulfilling lifestyle.

If you feel the same way, then you should know that there are small positive changes you can still do to make your life better. Pick one thing from the list below and test it out. If you like it and it’s becoming a regular habit, add another one in.

And the best thing about these small changes? They require no extra money or prep time.

So, what are you waiting for? Scroll down the list, pick a number and start making positive changes.

17 Things That Will Bring You Positive Changes

1. Get up and go to bed at the same time every day as much as you can. However, a spontaneous wild night out every now and then won’t hurt anyone.

2. Watch some comedy every day to keep those laughter muscles warmed up.

3. Have a healthy breakfast to set yourself up well for the day. Oatmeal with fruits, a smoothie or even a homemade granola will do.

4. Consider playing the songs you love as you’re getting ready in the morning. It will give your day a great start even before you leave the house.

5. Unfollow people on Facebook. A major factor in feeling bad is comparing ourselves to other people. Seeing your high school buddy’s “perfect” holiday, kids or home isn’t going to boost your self-esteem. It’s best to remove them from your view.

6. Do something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t had the time for. Make it simple and achievable, like dining at a particular restaurant or trying out a new recipe.

7. While you’re lying in bed at night, think of five things that went well that day. They don’t have to be big or dramatic. It can be a nice lunch, a free gift at the store or a cute baby that smiled at you. As a result, you’ll be able to train your brain to focus on the good rather than the bad.

8. Talk back to your negative thoughts. If your friend told you she’d had an unproductive day, would you respond negatively or positively? Consider it the same for yourself. Being harsh on yourself won’t help you achieve more. In fact, it can only make you feel crappy.

9. Keep a notebook and jot down all the things that make you feel alive. You’d be amazed at how this simple act can switch your brain into feeling good.

10. At least once a week, wear an outfit that makes you feel great. Wear your most fabulous clothes, underwear included. Do your hair in a style you love, put on some makeup, and head out looking good. You’ll be amazed at how differently people will treat you.

11. Send a text once a week to someone you know and tell them why you think they’re awesome. This will boost your positivity.

12. If you want to work out but can’t find the motivation, just go for a walk. It’s better than nothing and will get your blood pumping. The best way to get fit is to see yourself as someone who works out and keeps fit.

13. Drop the word “should”. Keep an eye out for how often you say it and ask yourself if it’s making you feel better or worse. Is it something genuinely important to you? Who said you should do it? Do they know you better than you know yourself? Ask yourself these questions and you’ll know why the word won’t help you.

14. If you’re a procrastinator, introduce the “yucky task, nice task” process. It works just as it sounds. Get your yucky task done first and give yourself a reward or do a nicer task after.

15. Another positive change you can do is clear your inbox of all the newsletters you’re signed up to. Put them in a separate folder, delete them, or pare them down to just the ones you love to receive. The feeling of freedom that comes from an uncluttered inbox is worth more than the sporadic, fleeting bonus you might get from one of your newsletters.

16. Add one more piece of fruit into your day and mix it up with the usual ones you have every day. Make it a daily challenge to see the different kinds of fruit you can eat. In addition to helping you start with some positive changes, it can also help you be healthier.

17. Finally, if you’re a news junkie, set a timer and allow yourself to read the news for an allotted period of time only. Our news has changed over the past few years and they’re designed to hook you in. Generally, we feel worse after watching story upon story of terror and bad news, so limit your exposure. If you’re not a news junkie, why not take a break from watching?

So, there you have it. These are the 17 small changes that can add up to big results. Where will you start?

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As a 4-year-old, I recall clinging to my father’s leg at a friend’s birthday party. I was terrified to go into the other room, where other kids were whacking a piñata with a long stick. That model followed me the rest of my life.

Being an unconfident male in America is not a winning recipe for success and I knew that. For decades, I had no clue what to do to get out of it. At times, I felt doomed to a life of misery, despair, and loneliness.

But that wasn’t acceptable. I couldn’t live with that defining my life. Even though I felt completely annihilated, I figured a way out must exist. Otherwise, life won’t even be worth living.

And today, as a young 34-year-old man, I’ve got all the confidence in the world despite things being rough at the moment. My wife and I have $30,000+ in medical debt (and growing) and she has perplexing health problems that baffle doctors.

I have every reason to feel anxious and fearful and yet I’m not. I’m certainly not perfect, so fear and doubt creep in from time-to-time. But, I’m happier and more joyful than ever before. And if you met me, you’d think things are going quite well.

If you are wondering how I started building confidence, here are a few lessons I learned along the way:

Consider Your Mind A Dangerous Place You Never Go Alone

Remember your parents telling you,”Never go near that place. It’s dangerous. You could get hurt.”

What happens in your mind? If you’re a fearful person, you’ll notice the thoughts start buzzing. Although you try not to think about them, they still gain power. You tell yourself not to act on them, but you still find yourself doing that.

And often, you feel completely overwhelmed and defeated. Fear runs your life. You don’t talk to people you want to. You don’t ask women for dates. You don’t leave the house, even though you want to.

True, isn’t it?

That’s exactly how I handled fear for a long time and I got the same old results — more fear. Failure after failure made me feel trapped and at a dead end. I felt stumped, defeated and totally lost.

That’s why I no longer hide anything or live in my mi-nd anymore. I had to constantly practice sharing my thinking with others whom I trust to listen without judgment. I keep pouring those fearful thoughts out of my head so they won’t have an opportunity to grow and gain strength.

You Can Only Neglect the Spiritual Dimension of Your Life to Your Detriment

To cope with my fear, shame, guilt and poor self-esteem, I developed an addiction. The addiction took my naturally fearful disposition and magnified its intensity 100 times.

Eventually, I learned the spiritual part of life had to come first. It’s kept me out of my addiction and it’s transformed me from fearful to confident.

Spiritually, I simply trust that all will work out and everything is under the control of a supreme God. That gives me the confidence that all I have to do is continue to grow as a person and keep trying. Something will work out. I don’t know what or when, but I know it will.

Can you gain confidence without spirituality? Perhaps. But, I think it’s like not taking vitamin C when you have a cold. You can do other things (like rest). But you’re throwing away a key part of the puzzle.

Have an Insane Desire to Serve Others

My natural fear kept me withdrawn and isolated. The addiction made it even worse that coming out became impossible.

But, as I learned what worked, it became clear that serving others was the key. When I thought about my fear, I realized how self-focused it made me.

These are the thoughts that would often cross my mind:

• What’s that person thinking of me?
• Oh no, I did something wrong.
• What should I say?
• Will I fail?
• I’m an idiot.

If you ever find yourself constantly thinking about these things, get out of that thinking. I actually started this right away before feeling confident. Although I knew I didn’t have the confidence or skills to accomplish large things, I knew could deal with the smaller stuff.

I didn’t just serve others by volunteering to serve soup at a homeless shelter once a month. It’s actually a daily practice. When a friend calls, I pick up immediately. If someone asks for help, I say “Yes” 90% of the time.

Whenever someone has a small problem, I clarify it for them. A friend wakes me up at 6:30 in the morning with a phone call, I answer right away, rather than calling back at a more convenient time.

Identify Your Own Strengths and Weaknesses

Building confidence comes from knowing yourself. Just like everyone else, you have strengths and weaknesses.

I always thought confidence means appearing invulnerable, like Superman. You have no weaknesses and you never feel afraid.

In reality, however, that’s just trying to stuff feelings and it only increased my fear.

When you’re trapped in fear, you falsely believe you have more weaknesses than strengths. It prevents you from seeing yourself accurately.

But, take a look. You’ll be pleasantly surprised with what you’ll find. You’ll realize that as you learn how to deal with your fear, you’ll find you have more good parts which you didn’t know you had.

The good parts of you will grow while the bad and negative will fall away and become much less apparent in your life.

That’s how it worked for me. I couldn’t have done it without looking at the bad (greedy, critical, demanding) and good (intelligent, helpful, funny). And today, I feel like I’m 95% the good version of me. You can ask my friends, my wife, and even strangers, and they’d say positive things about me.

Only Focus on What You Can Control

Historically, so much of my fear has been based on outcomes of situations. I want to:

• Have people respond my way
• Always win
• Never have any rough patches
• Be a fearless superhero winner like James Bond

When I didn’t get the desired outcomes, I beat myself up and felt guilty and ashamed. Clearly, because I didn’t get the woman, the job, the friend, or the money, I was a “bad” person.

I rarely do that anymore, because about 90% of life doesn’t work out your way.
Only 10% does. So, focus on that 10% and grow the heck out of it. Keep trying until you find what works and do less of what doesn’t.

In a given day, I can’t control much. I’m self-employed. I can only control how and when I reach out to prospective clients, and how many of them I contact. Whether they choose to do business with me or not isn’t in my control.

So, I can only make contacts and chat with interested prospects. After that, I just have to trust that everything falls into place.

In the grand scheme of things, I realized that isn’t much.

Understand The Paradoxical Ways Your Mind Works

Human minds sometimes work the opposite of what appears to make sense. For example, if you have ever said to yourself, ”I’m going to walk right up to that girl and ask her for her phone number” and then promptly avoided doing it, you’ve probably felt confused as to why.

Well, it’s because you’re using willpower but you don’t have enough confidence. You still feel fearful and it shows most of the time.

So, the first paradox is this:

• To overcome your fear, let it enter

I no longer say to myself, ”Uh-oh. I’m getting fearful again. Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Don’t do it…Oh no! Here it is. I’m screwed. This is gonna be rough.”

Instead, I allow the fear to enter. Whenever it comes in, I feel numbness and tingling in my arms. My hands sweat a little. My back and neck tighten up.

However, I don’t get fearful of those sensations. I let them happen. I know they’ll pass and I’ll be alright. And that diminishes the power fear has over me.

Other paradoxes include:

• You get what you give
• Seek to understand to be understood
• Listen to others and you’ll be heard
• You get what you oppose
• Do it because you don’t want to
• Embrace your vulnerability

Feelings Often Don’t Fit the Facts

My wife of nearly 8 years and I met online. We talked a few times by phone before meeting. And once, I said something to her which I later thought was quite rude.

I panicked. I thought I had blown it and she would never talk to me again.

I’ve shared the story with her several times. I no longer remember her exact response, but she can’t recall anything unusual from our phone conversations.

However, she does recall the awkwardness of our first date. She thought I was a cheapskate because we went to a friend’s house for dinner, then to a local zoo by the lake (free), and then watched a horror movie (rented) at home.

Seemed fine to me since I thought it made sense to keep it casual when meeting the first time. Unfortunately, that’s not what she was expecting.

Anyway, my feelings told me I had ruined our relationship before it started. Then they told me the date was fine.

In both cases, my feelings were different than reality.

So today, if I’m feeling anxious, fearful, or wondering how I did or how to take what someone said, I don’t spend too much time thinking about it. I simply move on to what’s next and focus on that.

And if I’m having a hard time with feelings that refuse to go away, I talk to someone else.

Yes, You Can Skyrocket Your Confidence, Too

You may, like me, have been born with low self-confidence. You may also have had catastrophic life experiences which ruined the confidence you have had.

Well, you can get your confidence back. Or find it for the first time.

No matter how stressful or intimidating it can be, you can absolutely learn how to feel confident in any situation. That can happen even if you don’t have a shred of confidence now.

These tips can make that possible. But, of course, it will still be up to you to take action.

The post How To Start Building Confidence: A Story From A (Formerly) Fearful Guy appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

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What do successful people actually do with their weaknesses?

That is a question worth pondering. If you think about it for a moment, you’ll realize that people who are truly successful don’t shy away from their weaknesses. In fact, they are alright sharing them.

As a leader (which I believe you are), it will actually inspire those around you if they see you succeed in spite of your weaknesses. It will give them the courage to be better as well as to press on.

To help you figure things out, here’s how to maximize your potential.

Why peace is essential

You don’t have to feel like you are climbing uphill as you work on maximizing your potential. You can actually get a sense of peace when you come to terms with a skill that doesn’t come naturally to you. It will help you attain the patience needed to make progress.

With that feeling of frustration off of your shoulders, you can focus more on how you can start working on your goal.

How weaknesses trump strengths

Your weaknesses can teach you more about how to work with people and the importance of cooperation. It’s also a place where growth can feel very rewarding.

The right relationship with your weaknesses will allow you to focus more energy on maximizing your potential. Essentially, you’ll be able to achieve success faster when you are able to do this. In addition to figuring out what you are not good at by the process of elimination, you’ll be able to know what you are really good at.

Remember, focusing solely on your strengths can be detrimental to you. You might miss out on the opportunity to grow.

How to handle reaching a plateau with a weakness

Investing in things you are naturally good at should not be an excuse to avoid things that don’t come naturally to you. Bear in mind, however, that when you do invest in improving on a weakness, you are likely to hit a plateau.

So, what do you do?

This is where you change things up. Changing your approach can raise the ceiling in your area of assumed weakness.

As Gary Keller, in his #1 bestseller book entitled The One Thing, said, “Natural ability can only take us so far before we hit our achievement ceiling. Models and Systems will help you break through that ceiling of achievement.”

You may never be a world-class lumberjack, but a chainsaw will take you further than an axe. Trying a new approach may be what you need.

A University of Florida basketball player, Canyon Barry, used an unconventional underhand free throw style to hit 42 shots in a row, setting a school record.

You might not look cool to some using a different approach to raise the ceiling of a weakness, but who cares. Just keep hitting your own free throws.

Just because it doesn’t come naturally to you doesn’t mean it’s a weakness

Most things don’t come naturally. They need to be learned. If you are struggling, maybe the issue is with your learning and not your innate ability.

This is where a growth mindset (believing that most basic abilities can be developed) over a fixed mindset (believing that things like intelligence or talent are fixed traits) really makes a huge difference.

As Carol S. Dweck said in her book, Mindset, “In the growth mindset, experiencing difficulty simply indicates the need to put in more effort. In the fixed mindset, difficulty means you do not have the ability.”

A reader who wrote to her also commented the following:

“We should be careful not to view failure as a proof of stupidity but rather as a lack of knowledge, skill or experience which can all be remedied”

Can you raise the ceiling of that assumed weakness with a different learning approach and mindset? Think about it.

The one thing worse than a weakness

The real thing that is going to hold you back is your bad habits. I believe that is the one thing that’s likely to determine your success. It’s not hard to see how bad habits can dampen your strengths and amplify your weaknesses.

A key element to embracing our weakness is facing those accompanying bad habits head on. It will not only help you raise the ceiling on a weakness, but it’s likely to boost your strengths, too.

Ready to maximize your potential?

It doesn’t feel good to know you are living below your potential. Mediocrity is not a crown to be worn proudly. Although it’s true that some things don’t come naturally to you, it doesn’t mean that they have to hold you back.

Freely admit your weaknesses and be transparent with them. Embrace the peace that comes with that decision and don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you feel like your progress is slowing down, it’s when you change things up. Just believe that you can raise the ceiling of that weakness.

Be sure to kick those bad habits and just go maximize your potential!

The post How To Maximize Your Potential While Embracing Your Weaknesses appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

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Do you think that good looks, a six-pack, and some pearly whites are all you need to win over a woman’s heart? Well, think again. What women look for in a man is more than good looks.

You don’t need to have it all together in order to find a great match, but there are some resounding qualities that can put you ahead of the competition.

Here are five traits you can improve on to impress the woman you like.

Someone who can make them laugh

A good sense of humor tops the list for a lot of women. Having the ability to make light of a situation or crack a joke can help relieve stress and shows that you don’t take yourself too seriously. Humor in a relationship can also help break down tension and help the two of you navigate through life more harmoniously.

A sense of purpose

What women look for in a man is the passion and purpose in life and the drive to pursue it. A sense of ambition means that a partner cares about their future and isn’t satisfied with staying stagnant. Someone who cares about life and improving himself is much more exciting than someone who is comfortable in where he is.

Good communication skills

If you want to have a successful relationship, then you have to develop good communication skills. Misunderstanding is the number one factor that leads to fights in relationships.

Good communication skills involve knowing how to listen to your partner as well as being able to express how you feel. Yelling or shouting at each other won’t get you anywhere, so it’s important to learn how to discuss things in a calm, effective manner.

Taking care of yourself

Most women want a man who is a grown up and acts like one. They like men who can take care of their own laundry, clean after themselves and cook their own meals. Paying bills on time, making necessary medical appointments, and organizing schedules are some of the traits women want in men, too.

No one has it all together, but having these basic life skills will show women that you are a good catch.

Being able to integrate into each other’s lives

You both have your own social circles, careers, and interests. When you enter a relationship or when you start seeing someone, you shouldn’t  just fold into the other person’s life and abandon your own.

Each of you should work to integrate into the other’s life and merge your lives together. This will require compromise on both sides. Perhaps you don’t want to attend the play she wants to see or you don’t really care for a particular set of friends that she has. Despite this, it’s still important that you do things with her that she enjoys and to be with people she likes. And she should do the same for you.

Conclusion

What sets these traits apart is that they are deeper qualities that last. They have more value and they’ll put more importance on the quality of a relationship. Few of us can compete with Brad Pitt on looks, but we all can develop our sense of humor, improve our communication skills, and take care of ourselves. These are exactly what women look for in a man.

If this list seems overwhelming, then just pick one and start improving yourself in that area. Keep in mind that you do not have to be perfect in all areas. However, if you are conscious of where you could get stronger and are working on it, you’ll be able to put yourself well ahead of the pack. Women want someone who is honest, and that includes being honest about oneself.

See Also: 7 Ways To Tell That You’ve Gone From Dating To A Relationship

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With online shopping and easy credit facilities, it’s easy to feel tempted to spend more than you normally would. There’s always a new gadget, appliance or a pair of shoes put on sale. If you are trying to cut down on your expenses and start saving, these things can easily put you off track.

To help you out, here are a few tips on how to save more.

How To Save More And Spend Less

There are many simple ways to save more money without feeling the pain. You can even turn it into a challenge or a game to make it more enjoyable.

Save your loose change

Went shopping and now your purse is heavy with loose change? Count it, keep what you might need for bus tickets and other needs and put the rest in a special piggy bank. After two months, empty the piggy bank and deposit the amount in your savings account. This is one of simplest tips on how to save more.

Put it on auto pilot

Transferring cash online from your main account to a deposit account each month can be difficult, especially if you think you need all the money for your expenses.

As a solution, you can open one or two recurring deposits and put your monthly deposit on auto debit. Because the transfer happens automatically, it will be easier for you to stick with your deposits.

Curb impulse buys

Received a promotional offer from your favorite shopping website with a big discount? Do not click on the link right away.

When you put off a decision and you decide not to take immediate action, you get to avoid unnecessary expenses. So, instead of buying, transfer all or part of the amount you did not spend to another savings account.

See Also: Fashion Hacks That Can Save You Big Bucks

Turn discounts and cash backs into cash savings

Whether online or offline, you may get discounts on specific items, coupons, and special offers that can help you save money. At the end of the month, deposit the total savings you managed to get from various discounts.

Give up your expensive habits

Cut down on the beer and cigarettes. Not only will this keep you healthier, but it’ll let you save up on unwanted expenses. Even the government is increasing the sin tax on these to reduce their usage. If you don’t stop now, you’ll end up paying a lot more for them anyway.

See Also: 16 Essential Tips for Quitting Smoking

Visit ATMs less often

Reducing the times you use the ATM can help you cut down on service charges. Instead of turning to those machines, manage your finances well so you won’t have to make unnecessary withdrawals.

Use cash

Every time you use your credit card, you’re losing track of exactly how much you’re spending. If you’re buying something, buy it with cash. This will give you a clearer idea of how much you’re actually spending. When you see more money leaving your hands, you’ll be warier of spending.

Carry your own bag when shopping

With the government taking measures to reduce plastic usage, most shops have moved onto jute and cloth bags. These bags, however, are more expensive when compared to plastic bags. Instead of paying for these, carry your own bag.

Walk, ride a bicycle, carpool

If you’re going somewhere that’s a short distance away, put down the car keys. Walk or ride a bicycle. This not only saves you money on fuel charges, but it’s a great workout as well.

Whenever you need to head to work, bring some colleagues along so you can share the fuel expenses. This way, not only are you collectively working to save the environment, but you’re also cutting down on fuel costs.

Set a goal

When it comes to saving money, it doesn’t always have to be about big goals. You can also save for small goals, like a new smartphone.

Open a recurring deposit account and start saving for next year’s release of new smartphones. You can earn an interest with this type of account. Even if you get just 100 Rupees, it is still 100 rupees more than you had. You can use it to purchase your goal.

These are just a few ideas. You can come up with more exciting ones, like challenging your siblings or friends on who can save more after a month.

Saving doesn’t have to be boring. In fact, the more fun you’re having,  the more likely you’re going to stick to it.

The post 10 Easy Tricks On How To Save More appeared first on Dumb Little Man.

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