1. Get out of the city

Getting out of the city lets you see what a region is really all about once you strip away the shopping malls and air-conditioning. Visiting Seoul was fun, but the most memorable trip I took with my family was to a mountain monastery outside of the city. Sleeping on the ground hurt my back, the heat was uncomfortable, and the kimchi barrel stank, but I can still remember the faces of the people we met and bonded with over the course of a TV-less few days.

Anne Merritt’s guide to South Korea, Beyond Seoul highlights some lesser-known areas outside of the big city.

2. Release your inner 8-year-old

Maybe not be the most adventurous option, but you’ll be seeing a side of Asia few seek out. My 8-year-old self stomps her foot and demands that I check out every spot on Valerie Insinna’s Hello Kitty Tour Around Japan and Taiwan.

Japanese pop culture has a serious soft spot for all things kawaii, so this seems like a logical starting point for a cute-hunting tour of Asia.

3. Eat

My favorite part of traveling is sampling the local cuisine. Taking a cue from Valerie Ng, I’d like to branch out and try something less expected off the menu. I’d start by crossing every dish off her list of Korean Food Beyond Bulgogi, then hit the streets in search of some of the world’s best late-night food stands.

Here’s what Sascha Matuszak says about Hong Kong and Canton in The World’s Best Cities for Late Night Food:

Both of these places have great late night food, but the true treat here is the fresh seafood BBQ that can be had near the docks and around the fish markets.
In China, fish markets close down around 6 or 7 PM and begin to BBQ whatever wasn’t sold that day. Choose from a thousand different types of mussels, clams, oysters, shrimp, calamari and other weird and exciting grill-ables.

If a food tour of Asia is in your future, be sure to review Robin Esrock’s tips on How to Travel in India and NOT Get Sick.

4. Volunteer

Throughout my travels, I have never left a place feeling like I truly made a positive impact. Volunteering is one way to make your time spent go toward helping out the local community, and is something I’ve always wanted to try.

Finding the right organization and the right cause can be an overwhelming process. Jantra Jacobs’ Volunteering in Chiang Mai lists several organizations with opportunities ranging from gardening duties, working with children, and even giving baths to elephants.

Recently profiled on Matador, Atma — a Mumbai-based organization — accepts volunteer applications for those who are interested in helping other NGOs get off the ground.

5. Motorbike Cambodia

Dirt bikes are no joke — the last time I was on one, my arms turned to jelly and my only thought was “this is how I’m going to die.” Allen Burt’s photo essay, however, clearly shows just how well suited Cambodia is to be discovered by motorcycle. After browsing his photos, this is one risk I definitely want to take.

Before I commit, though, I’ll have to print and memorize Rhys Stacker’s tips for beginners in Easy Riding: How to Travel by Motorcycle and Escape the Crowds. His piece also highlights some interesting motorcycle routes in Thailand and Vietnam.

6. Look deeper

You don’t always need to leave the the city behind to travel off the beaten path. One of my favorite things to do while traveling through highly trafficked areas is to try to notice the smaller details others might overlook.

Allison Heiliczer illustrates this perfectly in Photo Essay: Hong Kong Portraits and Cuisine. Hers is a Hong Kong many tourists fail to notice during their rush to “do” Victoria’s Harbor, the Giant Buddha, and The Peak.

7. Explore Borneo

Borneo doesn’t seem to be included on many itineraries through Southeast Asia. Christina Koukkos’ Dive Guide to Malaysian Borneo first caught my attention. After a bit more research, I was daydreaming about a leech-y jungle adventure in the Kelabit Highlands:

Sarawak trekking takes more than a little slogging through muddy, leech infested territory. As you remove your sock to flick off what seems like the thousandth bloodsucker to wriggle its way through the mesh of your boot, you may find yourself questioning your choice of destination.

Surrounding you, though, will be some of the most bio-diverse forest in the world: home to 15,000 species of flowering plants, 3,000 species of trees, and 221 species of terrestrial mammals.

At the end of the day, safe and dry in a jungle hut with a stomach full of rice and tasty jungle vegetables, you won’t find yourself regretting a trip to Sarawak.

For more inspiration, check out Jorge Santiago’s photo essay.

8. See the future

I had no idea that visiting fortune tellers was such a widespread cultural phenomenon in many Asian countries. Honestly, I thought it was just my mom’s wacky hobby.

After reading Mary Richardson’s experience with Visiting a Local Fortune Teller in Okinawa, I’m pretty eager to give this a try.

9. Work on an organic farm

Through World Wide Opportunies on Organic Farms (WWOOF), Jessica Aves headed to rural Japan and came back with a newfound love for garlic:

My host dices raw garlic and throws it into the spaghetti. I’m wary. At home in the United States, I only bought prepared garlic in glass jars (the French girl thought that was odd) and it’s only served cooked or baked. Eat it raw? I balked. I tasted. I fell in love. I buried my face in my hands to catch the scent when people weren’t looking.

I’m convinced. If there’s a chance I might discover a new taste for something I’ve yet to eat, count me in. WWOOFing in Asia also sounds like a great way to explore more rural, agricultural areas, and to live a lifestyle that’s closer to what the locals experience.

Volunteering on an organic farm generally means you’ll be fed well and housed in exchange for your help. WWOOF lists national organizations in several Asian countries, including China, India, Japan, Korea, and the Philippines.

10. Revisit history

The 20th century brought tremendous sadness to many Asian nations, but as a traveler, I find it important to understand the history around the places we visit.

Chris Tharp’s list of Seven Asian War Destinations is a great resource to find memorials, museums, and other sites of historical significance. High on my list to visit is Korea’s DMZ:

The Korean Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) bisects the whole of the Korean peninsula, acting as a buffer between the two countries. It’s four kilometers wide and, apart from being the most heavily armed border in the world, is very surreal. You know you’re visiting a place that could erupt in violence at any moment.

This article was originally published on January 14, 2011. 

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HAVE YOU EVER TRAVELED to a far off country and, on the return flight home, felt a pit in your stomach at the thought of returning to the grind? It’s a fairly universal feeling among travelers — the coming home blues, the thought that you’re never further away from your next trip than when you cross the threshold of your own home — but it actually doesn’t make any sense.

Why is your home any worse than the places you travel to? Why can’t you view your home through the same eyes as you do when you travel abroad? Why can’t you view your home through the same eyes as people who come to visit your town or country from elsewhere?

Filmmaker Sebastian Linda was wondering the same thing, so he decided to view his homeland of Saxony is eastern Germany through the eyes of a traveler. What he found was a beautiful place that he’d never taken the time to fully explore. There’s no reason you couldn’t do the same.

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SOME COUNTRIES HAVE AN insanely high cost of beering. If you want to move to a place where getting a pint isn’t too insanely expensive, then, where should you move? And for that matter, where should you avoid?

FinancesOnline put together this awesome infographic about beer around the world, from where it’s cheap to where it’s expensive to where people drink a lot to where people drink almost none at all.

Brought to you by: comparisons.financesonline.com

Featured photo by M@X

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Remember all the time spent in high school Spanish classes trying desperately to roll your Rs, but never really managing to?

For English speakers, mastering the art of Spanish pronunciation is no small feat and the Rs are not solely responsible for this difficulty. La “jota” (the letter J), la “tilde” (the squiggly line above the letter N – Ñ), and the general combination of syllabes can be intimidating and seemingly impossible to read out properly.

Despite it all, you must give it a shot. Watch this video and try to do better than those gringos.

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David Welsford has life figured out — he lives alone on a 28-foot sailboat in the Caribbean. While he admits that it can get lonely at times, his life of sailing around, making money where he can, and watching the sun rise and set every day seems about as perfect as it can get. He spends much of his time performing upkeep on his ship and taking pictures. When it’s time for a bath (“every two or three days”), he simply rubs soap on himself and jumps into the sea.

Welsford seems uncertain about his future — to sail north would mean to sail home, which he isn’t ready for, and to sail through the Panama Canal into the Pacific would mean following the trade winds to Australia. So for now, he’ll be following the wind wherever it takes him.

This article was originally published on September 20, 2014.

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IT’S A TRUST-FUND-HIPSTER PARADISE NOW, but the Lower East Side used to be the bowels of Manhattan 20 years ago. Growing up in NYC, I’ve watched its evolution first hand, transforming from run-down studios for the seriously creative-but-poor (the sort of setup where the bathtub was in the kitchen), to micro-lofts for new money bankers who can afford the $3000+ monthly rent. If only that gluten-free-vegan bakery could appreciate the rat-infested tenement it used to be…

The stories shared in this video footage, put together by Corey Shaff, shows a very diverse, artistic, and unique side of NYC your parents likely would have avoided on their way to see the Statue of Liberty.

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1. Nord-Pas de Calais Mining Basin (France)

UNESCO’s World Heritage Center put this site on the World Heritage List in 2012, and since then this French World Heritage site has been a topic of heated discussion. The site is described as a testament to centuries of heavy industry and mining. However, travelers looking to find a monument to the Industrial Revolution should look elsewhere, as all they’ll find in the Nord-Pas de Calais Mining Basin are a museum and two gigantic slag heaps. Mining history aficionados will have loads of fun touring the abandoned mining facilities (and staring at the slag heaps), but everyone else will find much better uses for their time at any of France’s other 38 World Heritage Sites.

2. Monticello and the University of Virginia in Charlottesvile (USA)

Monticello is the stately plantation home of Thomas Jefferson, who designed it personally and built it at the end of the 18th Century in Charlottesville, Virginia. An “academic village” — also designed by Jefferson — is nearby and belongs to the University of Virginia. The neoclassical buildings are very pretty and well kept, and Monticello acts as a history museum where visitors can learn about the life and times of Thomas Jefferson. That’s pretty much all that can be said about it. It’s a nice place, but those looking to immerse themselves in the history of the American Revolution should spend their time in Boston or Washington, DC instead of going out of their way to reach this place, which is interesting less for what it is and more for who built it.

3. Temple and Cemetery of Confucius and the Kong Family Mansion in Qufu (China)

This place, like Monticello, is famous more for its association to a famous historical figure, in this case Confucius, than anything else. The site itself is made up of the Ming-dynasty Kong family mansion, built by descendants of Confucius centuries after his death, the family cemetery, and the family Confucian temple. It’s one of the largest temples in China, and one of the most interesting for fans of Chinese history and culture. However, there isn’t anything there that can’t be seen elsewhere in China.

4. Fortifications on the Caribbean Side of Panamá: Portobelo-San Lorenzo (Panama)

UNESCO describes this seaside fortress as one of the best examples of Spanish Colonial-era military architecture. However, the site is understaffed and in grave disrepair. Panama’s unregulated urban sprawl creeps closer to the ruins with every passing year, and the lush tropical vegetation is a constant threat to the site’s survival. Things have gotten so bad that the site is on UNESCO’s list of World Heritage in danger. There are other Spanish ruins in Central and South America that are more beautiful and better maintained.

5. Ruins of León Viejo (Nicaragua)

These are the oldest Spanish Colonial ruins in America, and they went virtually unchanged for most of the time they were in use during the era of the Spanish Empire. They hold a vast amount of archaeological information, and little else. Unfortunately the ruins are mostly barren. The truly important artifacts aren’t even on the site, so there is very little to see or do there.

6. Liverpool, Maritime Mercantile City (UK)

Liverpool is a vibrant city with many interesting things to see. Sadly, its historic waterfront district, which was inscribed on the World Heritage List in 2004, is not one of them, at least it you’re looking to visit a World Heritage Site. Many modern buildings surround it, including the Echo Arena, home to AC Liverpool. Recently, the site has been put on the list of World Heritage in Danger because of a proposed complex of waterfront buildings that would almost hide the historic waterfront from view. The site is supposed to evoke the heyday of the British Empire, but in reality it blends in with the rest of Liverpool, which is great for lovers of modern cities but disappointing for fans of World Heritage Sites.

7. Brasilia (Brazil)

Famous architect Oscar Niemeyer designed Brasilia from the ground up to serve as Brazil’s capital, and to promote economic and social development in Brazil. It’s supposed to resemble a bird or an airplane when seen from above. Despite all this, Brasilia is a perfect example or urban planning gone awry. The city spreads over an overwhelmingly large area, making it difficult to get around. The dry, arid landscape of Brasilia’s geographic location makes the city seem bleak and stuffy. The “futuristic” buildings of the city are small and deteriorated, and the skyscrapers that have been built around the city in recent decades already overshadow them. To top it all off, the builders of Brasilia failed to take into account the city’s future explosive population growth, and so had to abandon it’s planned urban grid in order to accommodate the 3.5 million people that live there today. Brasilia is a fascinating experiment gone awry, but it’s far away from Brazil’s other, more interesting sites.

8. Galápagos Islands (Ecuador)

Tourist agencies glorify the wonders of the Galápagos Islands, the tropical paradise where Charles Darwin made the observations that would eventually help him form his theory of evolution by natural selection. The very name conjures images of a land unsullied and filled to the brim with exotic plants and animals. The sad reality of the situation is that, while this may have been true at some point in history, the Galápagos Islands aren’t what they were when Darwin stopped by them on the HMS Beagle. Human colonists started living on the islands since the end of the 19th century, and they brought with them dogs, pigs, and rats. These invasive species have overrun the islands and killed many of the islands’ native wildlife. Fishermen have decimated the Islands’ marine ecosystems. More importantly, unregulated tourism has destroyed much of the islands’ native flora and fauna. The Galápagos Islands were supposed to showcase the power and beauty of nature; instead, they showcase human carelessness.

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1. We don’t have to worry what people think of us.

The first time I traveled alone, I was 16-years old and still very much in my own bubble. I lived with my nose in a book and had a panic attack if the phone rang. I would create elaborate illnesses so I didn’t have to do something — like make my own hairdresser’s appointment or post my own letter.

I forced myself to travel to Germany alone. But even in a new country, I couldn’t make eye contact and I still couldn’t talk to people. I spent six weeks wandering around alone without friends or any real human contact. My German got really good, but I didn’t really fix any of my issues.

Two years later I found myself on another solo trip, this time unplanned and in South America. With one year of college under my belt, I had somewhat improved my eye contact and 50 percent of the time when I said words, they actually came out of my mouth. I had an “Ah ha!” moment when I realized — and here’s the kicker — it doesn’t matter what people think of me.

The majority of solo travelers are just happy to have someone talk to them. Even today, I’m not great at unscripted conversation. Sometimes what blurts out of my mouth is weird, like when I asked a woman who had just entered my hostel: “Do you ride horses?” But I know now that if don’t click with someone, I never have to see them again. And if we do click, I have someone to be with and that’s not so bad.

2. We are forced to talk to people.

Even to this day, when I travel with someone else I have a tendency to fade into the background and let them do the talking. We need a room in a hotel? Or tickets somewhere? I instinctively position myself behind my travel companion, and let them take the lead. The same thing happens if we meet someone else on the road. I’ll answer the occasional questions that come my way but other than that, nothing.

For this reason, I naturally gravitate towards traveling with extroverts. They’re not known to call me out on my uncanny ability to become invisible when any sort of human contact situation arises.

If I employed this tactic when traveling alone, I wouldn’t get out of the station — in my hometown. Not only that, but I would get lost because I wouldn’t be able to ask for directions. I wouldn’t have anywhere to sleep because I couldn’t ask around about accommodation. And I’d starve because I wouldn’t order any food. That’s all ridiculous. Traveling alone forces me to get out of my comfort zone and talk to people, quite literally in order to survive, and also for company.

3. We know how to be alone and we like it.

Traveling solo involves a lot of alone time. Sometimes my Couchsurfing host was unable to show me round, other times I’d get to a hostel only to find that everyone there was part of either a couple or a tight-knit group. Hostels can be great places for meeting people, but sometimes they can be a little lonely — reminding you that you came alone. As introverts though, we don’t really care about that.

When I arrived in Taiwan, the first hostel I went to was full of teenage dance groups from China. They practiced all of their routines in the common area and they only moved in packs. At another hostel in Hungary, it was just me and the owners. Both times, I had no choice but to see the city alone.

Other times it would be the travel itself that left me alone, sometimes for days at a time. Long haul flights, overnight trains, and buses between cities and countries are all inescapable necessities of travel. On local transport, often the language barrier alone is enough to stop socialization with other travelers. And sometimes not — like the man on a sweaty bus in Colombia who talked in Spanish at me, showed me a violent music video of Christ being flayed on the cross, and then stripped his shirt off and went to sleep using half of me as a pillow.

While meeting new people is now one of my main sources of pleasure when traveling, I enjoy my time alone immensely. It gives me time to reflect on where I’ve been and where I’m going, and to notice the things I maybe wouldn’t if I was constantly having to focus on another person.

4. We can recharge when we need to.

Traveling with a friend always seems like an amazing idea at first — shared experiences, someone to take photos of me so I don’t have to try and do non-selfie selfies, and someone to halve the panic with when things go wrong. “We should travel together!” I’ve said it so many times.

And then I actually travel with people. And I remember why it’s not for me.

As an introvert, albeit a sociable one, I find sustained human contact tiring. I always have a level of nervous energy when I’m talking to other people, even friends. It’s something that a lot of people don’t understand about me. If they don’t know the feeling, they can even take offense. “But we’re friends, you don’t have to feel that way around me!” It doesn’t matter how close to you I feel, I won’t ever stop feeling a little on edge. It’s why I find living alone easier, for example. Sometimes I just don’t feel up to seeing other people and being switched on.

One of the huge bonuses of traveling alone is that when I need to, I can stop. I don’t need to consider someone else before I decide to take some downtime. I find that after a few weeks, I just want to stay in a city, switch off, and recharge.

This is why I personally prefer Couchsurfing to hostels. If I’m feeling worn down, I at least know what I’m going back to at the end of the day.

5. Solo travel teaches us skills for back home.

Last week I ran into a friend on the street. I told him that just before, I had met a pilot while getting coffee at Starbucks.

“You’re so much more outgoing than I am,” he said.

“But I’m not outgoing,” I replied, as an automatic response. Except I am.

When I came home from traveling round South America, there was a part of me that wanted to keep that feeling alive. So I would talk to people. If I was alone in a coffee shop, and the person or people at the next table seemed nice, I’d chat. In shops, I’d spend a while talking to the sales assistant and holding up the queue. I knew the personal lives of my plumber, my postman, everyone who worked in all the cafes I spent a lot of time in. I spent so much time chatting in a secondhand clothes shop that they offered me a job.

I started getting the comment “Everyone knows you!” Kids I had class with for seven years didn’t know my name when we graduated, and now I’m a person who knows everyone.

The confidence and networking skills given to me by travel got me jobs, helped me organize events, and led to me making some of my best friendships.

6. We can recreate ourselves every day.

I have one friend who has known me for all four years of university, and for all of my trips. We’ve also (briefly) traveled together. She was the first person to point out that there is a travel Amelia and a home Amelia.

Home Amelia is quiet and organized. She gets to bed early, barely drinks, doesn’t do nights out, has a schedule filled well into the next week.

Travel Amelia is something else. She never says no — providing the scenario doesn’t involve hard drugs or physical danger, and isn’t (very) illegal.

The thought that no one knows me is freeing. I have been everything from the life and soul of the party to a world-weary recluse. I have no expectations to maintain, and no fellow traveler to remind me who they think I am.

I’ve partied until 6am on the 40th floor of a hotel in Colombia, and I’ve sat in the jungle playing cards and drinking warm beers with Israelis just out of military service. I’ve hurtled down roads in Crimea on the front of a motorbike, and experienced the weirdness of fetish clubs in Berlin. I’ve taken dance lessons and yoga classes in four different languages on three different continents. I’ve also sat alone in coffee shops and parks all over the world, and just read. Because that’s what I’ve needed then.

Every day is a chance to change who I am, and to forget that people know me as the quiet one. Because there is no one who really knows me, and there’s no pressure to be anything other than what I’m feeling at that moment.

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EASTERN PARAGUAY’S Ciudad del Este, meaning “City of the East,” is the de-facto capital of the Tri-Border Area, where Paraguay, Argentina and Brazil meet.

But South Americans know it more as a sort of Wild West — a place where the rule of law matters little and where drugs, arms and counterfeit goods arrive by the ton. Here’s why it should be on your radar:

1. It’s home to a massive piracy industry.

The piracy trade’s been bustling in Paraguay for decades. Last year, Paraguay was named one of 13 “notorious markets” worldwide engaged in counterfeiting and copyright piracy in a report by the Office of the United States Trade Representative, the agency that advises the president on trade policy.

The International Intellectual Property Alliance also highlighted Paraguay as a global scoundrel in the piracy trade. Software piracy alone in the country was estimated to be worth $73 million in 2012, according to the organization.

Professor James Cooper of California Western School of Law in San Diego, who has extensively researched intellectual property violations in Paraguay, estimated the full value of Ciudad del Este’s piracy trade as far higher.

“Illicit unregulated financial activities make up an alarming part of Paraguay’s economy,” Cooper wrote in an email. “The country and its people deserve better.”

Pirated goods are everywhere in Ciudad del Este. From the ubiquitous DVD stands to cheap knock-offs of European soccer shirts, phonies with names like “Bolex” can be seen on most street corners.

2. And the Paraguayan government does little to nothing about it.

The White House’s trade representative made a scathing assessment of the South American country’s efforts to quell piracy.

“The situation in Ciudad del Este has not improved over the past year or even the past decade,” the representative’s 2013 report states.

The International Intellectual Property Alliance report goes into more detail. The Paraguayan government has comprehensively failed to tackle both the production of pirated goods within Paraguay, or woeful customs enforcement at the borders with Brazil and Argentina at Ciudad de Este, the alliance says. Immediate change is “sorely needed,” it concludes.

3. The government also helps to fund organized crime.

The links between piracy and organized crime in Ciudad del Este have been known for decades.

A 2003 report by the Federal Research Division of the Library of Congress said the Tri-Border Area, or TBA, was an ideal location for organized crime.

“The TBA provides a haven that is geographically, socially, economically, and politically highly conducive for allowing organized crime and the corrupt officials who accept their bribes or payoffs,” the report reads.

As in much of Latin America, the piracy, counterfeiting, and money laundering operations in Ciudad del Este are largely under the control of organized crime groups, the report states.

As such, it concludes, millions if not billions of dollars a year are funneled from the city to crime syndicates.

4. The city’s a haven for drug runners.

Paraguay is a major source of illegal narcotics for much of southern South America.

According to the UN Office on Drugs and Crime’s 2010 World Drug Report, Paraguay is the world’s second-largest marijuana producer after Mexico, and Ciudad del Este is a transportation hub for drugs entering and leaving South America.

Paraguay’s counternarcotics agency reported last year that drug seizures in the country were up by 39 percent. Still, the nation remains susceptible to serious corruption. Those busts only account for a small portion of the illegal drugs originating in, and passing through, Paraguay, according to the United States Embassy in Asuncion.

5. And it’s known for its human traffickers.

The US State Department’s 2013 Trafficking in Persons Report names Paraguay as “a source country for women and children subjected to sex trafficking, and for men, women, and children subjected to forced labor.”

Ciudad del Este is a likely trafficking point, according to the US Embassy.

While the Paraguayan government has made some steps toward combating human trafficking, it’s still not even close to being in full compliance with global standards, the State Department says.

6. Local priests have been accused of molestation.

As we’ve been reporting, Ciudad del Este even has problems within its churches.

In spite of numerous warnings, the city’s diocese offered a top post to Carlos Urrutigoity, a priest accused of molesting young seminarians in the United States. Last month, the Vatican ordered him removed.

But that’s not all. This sin city was also the last hideout for Aldo Omar Vara, an infamous former priest from Argentina who is accused of torturing prisoners during that country’s dictatorship.

7. It might be home to fundraisers for radical Islamic militants.

Numerous reports over the years have said Ciudad del Este is a bastion for extremist Islamic groups such as Hezbollah.

A 2009 book published by the RAND Corporation, “Film Piracy, Organized Crime and Terrorism,” states that in 2004 a Ciudad del Este-based criminal, Assad Ahmad Barakat, was named by intelligence agencies as the key financier for Hezbollah in Latin America.

“The total value of the enterprise is difficult to estimate, but according to intelligence agencies, Barakat provided, and still provides, a large part of the $20 million sent annually from the TBA to finance Hezbollah,” the book states.

That $20 million would account for about one-fifth of Hezbollah’s annual budget.

8. Though that’s debatable.

Several media sources have built on the RAND book and other reports to paint Ciudad del Este as a terrorist hotbed.

But a May 2013 report by Al Jazeera heaped scorn on these accounts.

The Al Jazeera story accused other journalists of hysteria and of manufacturing links between Ciudad del Este and terrorism for the sake of headlines.

“A flourishing contraband industry does not indicate the presence of an Islamic terror den,” wrote Belen Fernandez, a columnist and author of books such as “Coffee with Hezbollah.”

“Nor does potential ideological or financial support among TBA residents for Hezbollah — selectively designated as a Foreign Terrorist Organization by virtue of its effective opposition to US-Israeli designs in the Middle East — suggest that the personal security of US citizens is at risk.”

By: Will Carless, GlobalPost

This article is syndicated from GlobalPost.

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LAST SUMMER, a huge publication asked if I would write an article for them about how learning languages will help you chat up girls.

As nice as it would have been to be in that big magazine, I said no thanks. Then, since it was just before the World Cup, they made me a counter offer and asked if I could write a piece on how to learn Brazilian Portuguese to Travel to the World Cup. Again, I politely declined.

This story, the story of language learning as essentially a magic potion that turns you into James Bond, is an appealing one. But it’s not the story I want to tell. Because I honestly think the answer is no, becoming a polyglot will not insta-solve your dating problems.

But I will admit that at first, when I was starting out in language learning, I thought the answer to this question was an obvious YES.

The first polyglot I ever came across (who I tried to depict at the start of my first TEDx talk) amazed me. He would flick effortlessly between Spanish, French, Portuguese and English at parties — and the girls were swooning over him. I still remember two girls coming up to me, simply to ask if I could introduce them to him.

His powers of attraction were so strong that even I was getting attention just by being near him…like somehow his polyglot love potion had splashed onto me. I saw this, and I thought, that’s it. I had discovered the secret to romance. My friend was living, breathing, flirting proof.

Years later, I figured out how he was actually receiving all that admiration.

But it took me a while…

THE ULTIMATE PICK-UP LINE: CHECK OUT MY LANGUAGES, BABY!

When you are a single (and insecure) guy, how to impress a girl plagues your mind quite a bit. There is clearly a trick to it — you tell yourself — like sweet pick-up lines that work on anyone, or things you can buy to flaunt (Porsche? Rolex? A 128GB smartphone with an 8 megapixel camera and three-axis gyroscope?) that will guarantee you that alpha male status.

And for a short time, I genuinely thought that Check me out – I speak several languages, would be it. I had seen the evidence, after all!

I already knew that I wanted to travel for a few years when I had finally figured out how to learn my first foreign language (spoiler alert: speak the bloody language), and it seemed like I would get the added bonus of having any girls I meet instantly faint in my presence at how irresistibly sexy I would be if I were a polyglot.

But the damndest thing kept happening. I would meet an interesting girl, and she’d be pretty friendly, and then I’d whip out my own linguistic version of a “muscle t-shirt” and starting flexing my language skills (at the time a solid 2 or 3 languages). Then for some strange reason, she’d not be as friendly any more and would even sometimes roll her eyes! Didn’t she realize that she was supposed to be mega impressed by my polyglot skillz?

So…what was actually happening here may be really obvious to you reading this now. But give me a break! I was young, and when you are the one living it, it’s a lot harder to see outside your thought box that reasons: “To impress a girl, I must show her how impressive I am.”

Wrong.

WHAT ACTUALLY WORKS

I met my polyglot friend again around two years later in his home country of Brazil, and saw the same thing – girls giving him flirty eyes everywhere we went. Only this time he wasn’t flaunting his polyglot powers. He was only speaking one language the whole time. To everyone we met, he could just have easily have been a monoglot.

A little bit of world travel had started to open my mind to how the world works, and I was starting to realize that women (and people in general) weren’t as formulaic as my “If-This-Then-That” engineer mindset would have initially had me believe.

So what was my Brazilian friend doing? What manner of alchemy was he using?

It turns out he was just charming in general.

Huh.

He was a good listener, patient, wise, and a really good friend. You could get all this just from spending a few minutes with him. That made you want to hang out with him if you’re a guy, and wonder if he is single if you’re a girl.

He wasn’t trying to be impressive, and that made him way more impressive. He never had to brag about his achievements; his personality was what made him charming.

As well as that, it turns out that all those girls swooning over him was never a goal for him anyway, because he is gay. It just so happened that his relaxed nature around women made him appear confident and attractive to the opposite sex.

People who are always trying to impress sometimes achieve the opposite of what they set out to do. They accidentally show the world how insecure they are, that underneath their impressive achievements lies a need for approval and praise.

FOCUSING ON LIVING YOUR LIFE, RATHER THAN OBSESSING OVER WHAT OTHERS THINK

Somewhere along the way, I figured out that trying to impress girls (or people in general) is a really weak use of my time, and yours. Life is too short.

I am a Trekkie who speaks Klingon. I insert dramatic pauses into my conversations that some people may not like. I like making cheesy faces for every photo that’s ever taken of me — (I’m intentionally trying to look like I think I’m Johnny Bravo in the image at the top of this post). I don’t drink, but I still go out with people that do.

Should I hide these traits from people? Of course not. That’s just not sustainable. It’s easier and more effective to just accept that life is more fun when you can be comfortable in your own skin around other people.

Over the years, I’ve made it my focus to try to live life by my own terms. Language learning has been my tool to meet people, but using it as a bragging card to woo the ladies is useless. Unless I’m talking about what I do for a living, I pretty much never mention the languages I speak in introductions about myself.

Instead, I focused on what I wanted to do and expanded my horizons to always look for opportunities to learn something new (whether that be languages…a new computer skill…how to use a quirky gadget…a travel trick…or anything that may interest me!) This meant that I could become the person I wanted to be, rather than the person I feel others would want me to be.

And then when I finally met a wonderful girl, I could simply be myself rather than try to impress her. The two of us being ourselves and feeling relaxed, while also getting along amazingly, meant that the relationship was not only fun and natural, but it was sustainable in the long term.

But being a polyglot played no factor for me in finally finding the right girl.

Just look at the numbers. I learned my first new language when I was 21. I didn’t meet the right girl until I was 31. So…in measuring polyglotism over time against success in romance, I’d end up with one terrible looking line graph.

Patience, not polyglottery, is what I’d recommend for success in love. Lots and lots of patience.

WHEN LANGUAGE LEARNING DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE

The fact is, if you’re ultra charming and great with girls in your native language, then yes, those qualities will translate over when you learn new languages.

But if you’re a normal guy whose palms get sweaty and mind goes blank when you meet a nice girl…well, sorry, but becoming a polyglot is not going to change that. Your mind will go just as blank in Spanish or French or Italian as it does in English. And your palms will get just as sweaty.

Having said that, learning languages can increase your chances of meeting Miss Right (or Miss Right Now, whatever your preference may be), in that learning a language requires patience, endurance, and lateral thinking. These are good skills to have in life in general, and they can improve your interpersonal skills. Plus, using those languages with other people can expand your personal and cultural horizons and help you become a “man (or woman) of the world” beyond what you’d learn in the community you may have grown up in.

Of course, you also open up your opportunities by being able to talk to girls in their own languages. But ultimately, being able to speak multiple languages isn’t what makes you half as interesting as being someone who can listen in multiple languages.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

This article was originally posted on Fluent in 3 Months, and has been re-published here with permission.

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