There is a huge difference between being alone and feeling lonely: Being alone is the choice to spend time with yourself and feeling lonely is the need to be in the company of others.
I didn’t meet the woman of my dreams until I was 32 years old and up until that point I loved being alone. I had my own flat, went out when I wanted, stayed up until 4am and got up at 8am, I had friends to go raving with, friends to go to the cinema with, friends to have a coffee with, relationships with other women, one night stands with other women, dabbled in drugs, played the stockmarket, got a degree in Psychology, quit a few jobs on a whim to go travelling, found out the difference between dancing at a rave and truly feeling the music flow through me, and dancing at a nightclub and feeling self conscious, found out what I truly was looking for in an ideal partner, and discovered what I really wanted to do in life.
It all sounds like a very hedonistic lifestyle, but underneath it all was the conscious choice to spend a lot of my time alone. I love my own company and treasure the moments I get a bit of time to myself.
Now, I have Sharon and my two sons and I treasure the times we have together, but I have continued my alone time by setting up a business from home and basically spend around 9 hours per day completely alone in my office with my dog. But, I am not lonely, far from it. I chat on skype with some great people I have met related to my business, I go out with friends and family, I interact with readers on Facebook, and occasionally travel around the country to attend various seminars and masterminds, meeting some amazing people in the process. I used to consider myself to be an introvert, but now think I am more of an ambivert. I have the perfect balance in my life.
Some people cannot embrace this alone time, but when you embrace this time of being alone you will never again feel lonely in your life.
So often we are busy running around at 100 miles per hour at work, and with friends and family, we hardly get time to take a breathe. When you spend time alone, you get time to take a deep breathe and exhale slowly, letting all the dramas fade from your mind.
Have you ever felt that you are so busy with life that you just can’t seem to see things clearly? Being alone offers this fog of busyness to lift from your mind, and clears the way for clearer thinking.
We don’t often get a chance to reflect on our own life as we’re so busy involved in the lives of others. Getting this time is essential if you want to answer the big questions in life: What do I want? What can I do to make myself more happy? What can I to to contribute? What the hell am I doing?
I know in the past I have gone with the flow of life, which is great, but then three years later have realised I am stuck in a shitty job I don’t like and wonder why the hell I am doing it, or got stuck in a relationship that was just happening and not growing. This time alone gives us a chance to stop and think about the things that really matter.
There are so many things I have learned by embracing being alone, like learning to build websites, write code, learn the guitar, writing, learning how to make videos, and learning more about myself through reading.
When you embrace being alone you have the choice of doing anything that you feel like doing, there’s no restrictions, nobody to say ‘Oh that’s just silly’ (or if you’re in Scotland: ‘That’s bloody mental’). Imagine if you had the chance to learn anything, what would it be?
When you’re away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life and everyday dramas you tend to get a hell of a lot more done than normal. You get the time, free from distractions, to get your head down and get on with it.
There’s a quiet confidence about people who have learned to embrace their own company. They don’t talk for the sake of being heard, they tend to talk only when there’s something to say, but more than that, they don’t feel self conscious about not talking and feel very confident in the company of others. This is because they have a deep inner confidence that only comes when you have learned to embrace yourself fully, which comes from spending more time alone.
When you stop craving the company of others and start doing things you wouldn’t normally do unless you were with someone else, like eat out at a restaurant, go to the cinema, or go for a long drive. When you start to do these things alone, it can be extremely empowering.
You can’t know your emotions when you are trapped in the energy of other peoples dramas. only when you get time to be yourself can you truly get in touch with your emotions. You will gain a deeper insight into the things that make you truly happy.
This comes with understanding yourself more which can only come with a little bit of me time.
There’s something amazing that happens when you have a little solitude in your life. You start to ask the bigger questions; What is my purpose, why am I here, what can I do to contribute.
This seems to be an inbuilt program in the human mind, and we can’t truly reflect on these questions unless we have a bit of solitude.
I have spent many hours thinking about the bigger questions and formulated my own beliefs and thoughts about the world when I have spent time alone and these beliefs and thoughts have permeated my daily thoughts and interactions with others in my life.
So it’s not just about being alone in the moment. It seems that spending quality time alone can have a lasting effect on everything that you do and also have an effect on the relationships you have in life.
Let me know your thoughts about this, would love to hear what you think.
The post 9 Things That Will Happen When You Embrace Being Alone appeared first on Change your thoughts.
1) You think you’re your job
Nobody is asking you to love your job, but there’s a fine line between doing your job and becoming your job. The latter means you’re basing your self-esteem on the status the job brings and the amount of money you make.
Stop that. Your life is out there, not in the office.
2) You’re hungover a lot
And no, you can’t escape all your problems with alcohol and partying. Not all the time at least.
3) You’re fat
You aren’t eating right. You’re not exercising and you’re tired all the time. It all adds up!
Happy people have energy!
4) You’re chasing money
Money is absolutely important, but the bottom line is whether you want to chase it or not. Usually, chasing it doesn’t work.
5) You’re always bored
Because you aren’t trying new things!
6) You’re surrounded by negative people
This is truly sneaky. We all tend to brush off a little annoyance from what we call friends, or a crappy boss, but it can really seep into your life if you allow it to be. Regardless, a happy life is one where the people around is totally positive and want the best for you.
7) You’re not getting enough sleep
Four hours is enough to function tomorrow, but it’s not enough to feel energetic and well, happy. Get some sleep now!
8) You’re jumping into relationships too fast
To a certain extent, going with the moment and indulging in romance work, but eventually, you need to start thinking and make smart decisions.
If you want to be happy, then protect your heart!
9) You’ve not righted the wrong
If you made a mistake and incidentally hurt somebody, you’ve to apologize. Cowering down would only cause feelings to fester in you.
10) You let social media run your life
Checking Facebook, updating Twitter or surfing Instagram have become so common that people don’t even realize it’s mundane. The convenience and ease of it has made people disconnect from each other and not want to pursue enriching activities.
Get out of using social media every once in a while. It will do you a lot of good.
11) You aren’t doing the work
You’re procrastinating. You’re putting it off. You’re coming up with a ton of excuses! Work usually feels daunting, but if you don’t power on through, it’s going to make you feel unaccomplished and downright unhappy.
12) You’re choosing to be unhappy
It’s a choice. It’s all about perception.
Maybe it’s time you stop being so pessimistic and stop whining. Do the right thing. Make the choice to be happy!
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I hope you enjoyed the article! Wanna start being happy?
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Alden Tan keeps it real at his blog and writes about motivation in unconventional ways. His two main passions are Bboying and writing. Check out his free report, 12 Things Happy People Don’t Give a F**k About!
The post 12 Sneaky Reasons Why You’re Unhappy appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.
Sig Nordal 