“You wanna fly, you got to give up the sh*t that weighs you down.” ― Toni Morrison
There’s a reason slavery was officially abolished from North America in 1865: It’s inhumane, it’s unjust, it’s cruel and quite frankly it’s just wrong in all senses of the word.
And although slavery is no longer a tolerated part of our culture, many of us still keep ourselves emotionally and mentally bound and oppressed with rules, regulations, and absolutes about the way things must or ought to be both on the inside and outside of ourselves.
The problem is slavery doesn’t really work for human beings. No one actually wants their freedom taken away and their lives ruled by someone else.
But many of us still trick ourselves into believing we don’t have the freedom to make our own conscious choices, and we do this by using, and using, and using again one simple little word with big powers to oppress.
And this word is the very common should.
I should be able to do everything well.
I should exercise more.
I should be liked by everyone.
I should take better care of my health.
I should be a better listener.
I should be more generous.
… and the shoulding goes on and on.
Sure, maybe I should and maybe I shouldn’t – who’s to say? But what does shoulding on ourselves actually accomplish? It’s not a word that inspires a call to action, and it’s certainly not motivating in the least. It doesn’t imply any sort of choice, so why do we keep it as an actively used word in our vocabulary?
What, I ask you, is the point of the ever present and WAY overused should? Why do we insist on shoulding on ourselves and what purpose does it serve other than to make us feel inadequate, unproductive, inefficient, unmotivated, guilty, depressed, discouraged and anxious?
I’m going to go ahead and say there really is no point and thus the word is useless.
But there is hope!! There is always hope.
By simply removing that word from our vocabulary all together, we will free ourselves into a whole new way of thinking, feeling and doing, or not doing – but hey, the point is, we have the choice, right?
We are not slaves, and we don’t deserve to treat ourselves as slaves.
So if we’re going to remove it altogether and start feeling like the free individuals we actually are, the easiest way to do it is to catch ourselves when the should rears its nasty head, stop right there, and just replace that one little word with a more freedom inspired and empowering word or short phrase.
Here are a few you can choose from:
Prefer
Would Like
Could
Would be nice if
I would prefer it if I could do everything well… but I am a perfectly normal human being with limits so that might not always be possible.
I could exercise more, but I haven’t decided yet if I am ready to make that commitment.
It would be nice if everyone liked me, but the truth is not everyone will, just as I won’t like everyone I meet, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
I would like to take better care of my health and I’m going to look into changes I can start making.
It would be nice if I were a better listener, and maybe I’ll start working on it, and maybe I won’t.
I could be more generous, and I think I will find a way to be so.
By simply removing and replacing should with one of the above choices we all of a sudden have authority over our lives again.
It’s really not a matter of what we should or shouldn’t do, think, or feel. It’s what we chose to do, think or feel.
Think about it this way, if you take the above suggestions to heart and put them into action you will notice a significant decrease in your anxiety, your depression, your guilt, your anger, and your frustration.
Without all of those shoulds making a big oppressive mess, you will free yourself up to experience much more love, joy, and connection with both yourself and others.
The post Remove this One Word From Your Vocabulary and It Will Change Your Life appeared first on Change your thoughts.
Harry S. Truman once said, “In reading the lives of great men, I found that the first victory they won was over themselves… self-discipline with all of them came first”.
But for the rest of us, self-discipline often comes second… if at all.
Every day, we admit defeat to self-indulgence when we choose to snooze over waking up early, watch T.V. instead of study and eat junk food when we should exercise.
There’s no doubt about it: if you want to achieve your goals, be it lose 14 pounds, write a best-selling children’s book, start a non-profit or enroll on an online class, you need to build self-discipline.
But self-discipline isn’t something we should be afraid of and contrary to popular belief, it isn’t that difficult to build…
Once you know how.
Step 1: Start with ONE Habit
Success in life and work is built sequentially – ONE habit at a time. If you can master one habit, you can master any.
As a coach, I work with many clients who regularly allow their bad behaviours to get the better of them, and one of the most common problems I see is when they try to change everything at once.
They want to discipline themselves to go to bed before midnight, leave their phone outside their room, wake up early, write a blog post, meditate, get things done and everything in-between.
But this doesn’t work because trying to fix everything at once is like building Rome in a day. You overwhelm yourself, you don’t notice marginal gains and you lose interest on the cusp of victory.
So, instead, just concentrate on changing ONE habit.
And to make it easier on yourself, focus on one you already know how to do, but perhaps have been either neglecting or doing inconsistently.
These include washing up immediately after eating, making your bed, going for a walk, flossing, etc.
Choose ONE habit and become consistent in doing it.
Step 2: Commit Only to Starting
Starting a habit we’ve been procrastinating on is always difficult. And sometimes, the mere thought of putting on our running shoes, preparing a salad or writing a thousand words is enough to discourage us from starting – even when they’re easy.
Build self-discipline is about getting good at starting. And the secret to starting is making behaviours so easy you can’t say no. [1]
Think of a habit as a sequence of tiny behaviours. Let’s use going to the gym as an example. If you’re like most people, when you think of going to the gym, what you’re really thinking isn’t exercise, you’re thinking about how you have to pack your gym bag, go to the gym, change into your exercise clothes, warm up, exercise, warm down, shower, change back into your street clothes and go home.
You’re also thinking about how long the habit is going to take.
But by focusing on the first action – say, packing your gym bag – and being fully present as you do it, you avoid talking yourself out of doing it.
So, with your one habit, focus on the first action you need to take and commit to it.
Be mindful while you’re doing it. This prevents you of thinking about what you need to do next and not starting at all.
Fill up the sink with warm, soapy water and bring your attention to how it feels on your skin. Then wash one cup. And then another, and another, and so on.
Slip your feet into your running shoes and tie the laces. Loop, swoop and pull. Become mindful of how snug your feet feel in your running shoes.
Type one sentence and listen to the sounds of your fingers clicking the keys. Your book begins to come to life, one sentence at a time.
Take care of the first action and the remaining actions will look after themselves.
Step 3. Build Consistency by Counting
“I have no problem with starting habits, but committing to them, that’s my problem”. I hear this a lot.
Consistency is hard – but only when your expectation is unrealistic to begin with. That’s why we make behaviours simple; it’s impossible to not do them.
The secret of being consistent is to fall in love with the boredom of the process and not concerning ourselves with the “all-or-nothing” mentality.
Being consistent isn’t about never missing a day; it’s about missing a day, learning why you missed it and doing everything you can to ensure it doesn’t happen again.
As UCLA Bruins Coach John Wooden said, “Process is primary”.
If you want to be consistent, start tracking your progress. Try and make a game out of it. How many days can you do your habits in a row? Have a target and meet it – then move the goal posts apart.
Step 4: Rinse, Wash, Repeat
There comes a point when you no longer have to track your progress. The behaviour becomes a habit. You no longer need to rationalise or decide to do it. There’s no rationalisation and no resistance. You simply do it.
That doesn’t mean you stop bringing your full attention to what you’re doing or stop trying; it simply means it’s become easier to do. You become self-disciplined.
The next step is to choose a new habit and repeat the process.
Remember: success in life and work is built sequentially, one habit at a time.
Sam Thomas Davies scouts the leading edge of the human sciences for what’s new, surprising, and important. He writes about research-based ways to improve habits, add new skills and sustain excellence. To learn how to seize the potential of your life, read his free eBook.
The post How to Build Self-Discipline in 4 Easy Steps appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.
Sig Nordal 