Like many people, Angel and I spent years struggling to make even the slightest bit of progress on the goals we had set for ourselves.

We started new workout programs with incredible optimism at least a couple dozen times.  We threw away all the junk food in our house more times than I can even remember.  We tried waking up earlier, meditating, reading more often, writing a book, getting out of debt, running a business, and more…

But, for the longest time, we failed on all fronts.

We’d get started with a new goal, and then we’d get derailed.

And boy did we feel horrible!

We often felt like losers … like no matter how hard we tried, our goals were out of reach!  And we’d berate ourselves constantly for not being stronger, smarter, and more disciplined.

But what Angel and I didn’t realize, until we started successfully achieving our goals a few years later, is that it was never a matter of us not having enough strength, intelligence, or discipline.  It was a matter of us focusing on our goals in an ineffective way.

In fact, believe it or not, we were actually focusing on our goals too much.

Yes, you read that right.  It sounds counterintuitive, but it’s the truth. (more…)

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By Leo Babauta

Right now, as you read this article, you are being held up by an invisible, magic web.

Consider the following, with gratitude in your heart:

You are reading an article written for you by me, sent across the Internet thanks to the work of thousands and thousands of engineers and power workers and workers in computer factories, using a computer device produced by thousands of people around the world.

You are alive because you ate food and drink produced and delivered and served by thousands of people. You have shelter built by thousands of people (when you consider the manufacturing process), powered by a power system where thousands of people work every day, with water coming to you produced by thousands of people, cable (or Internet) entertainment streamed to you that was produced by millions of people. Your furniture, clothes, appliances, car, roads, work buildings, city were all built by millions of people.

When you were born, you were incapable of living without the support of your family, who fed, clothed, sheltered you, changed your diapers, kept you alive every single day. They were supported by many others, and then you were educated by many more. You were raised by a village, no matter what your childhood was like.

Your entire existence has been supported by millions of people, for your whole life, including right now.

And it’s not just your physical existence: your thoughts have been influenced by writers, pundits, TV shows, films, music, educators, friends and family, the work you do with others, politicians and government, philosophers and religious figures, the environment you live in. What you think and who you are is not something you just invented, it has been created by everyone and everything around you.

You have been co-created by every other human being alive, by the entire world. And your actions have co-created those around you as well.

You are held up by an invisible, magic web of human lives and thought, of food and shelter and electricity and devices, of human creation and nature and the cosmos around you.

We co-create each other, every moment. And we take it all for granted.

The only reasonable response to this realization is gratitude. Applause. Joy.

We are all connected, and our actions matter. How can you co-create the world around you today? What loving action can you take right now, to care for others around you, to make their lives better? What can you do to appreciate and show gratitude for those who have supported you?

Fill your heart with love for those who have created you, and fill their lives with your love so you can create something amazing for them.

My 44 Training Program

I just wanted to remind you of my free training program, that you can still sign up for:

The 44 Training Program: Turning Uncertainty & Discomfort into Mindful Openness

Again, it lasts 44 days, is entirely free, comes with a dozen videos I’ve created for you, and is my gift to you.

It’s about training in mindfulness, uncertainty and discomfort to create joy, gratitude and openness in your life. I hope you check it out.

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“Children must be taught how to think, not what to think.”
― Margaret Mead

Our children grow up so fast.  Before we know it they’re out there somewhere in the real world, and we’re left hoping that we’ve done enough to prepare them for everything they’ll encounter.  Angel and I talk to course students and coaching clients on a regular basis – mothers and fathers alike – who share these sentiments.  They worry about their children.  They wonder if they’ve done a good enough job parenting up to this point.  And Angel and I totally get it too.  Oftentimes we feel the same way.  We’re concerned about our son Mac’s well-being and education, and we discuss it frequently, just like most parents.

In fact, from what we’ve researched and studied, the well-being and education of their children is more important to most parents than just about anything else – health care, cost of living, public safety, and even their own well-being.  And believe it or not, most non-parents also say they’re concerned about the well-being and intellectual growth of society’s youth; this concern seems to cut cleanly across gender, ethnicity, age, income and political affiliation.  So the reality is, to a great extent, we all collectively care about our children.   And that’s a really beautiful thing when you think about it.

Anyway, I awoke this morning thinking about all of this – especially the miraculous, life-changing responsibility of parenthood – and two related thoughts immediately crossed my mind:

• Whoa!  Time flies.  How in the world did Angel and I suddenly become parents to a little boy that’s running all over the place and asking questions about everything under the sun?
• There are so many important truths I want to share with Mac … before he’s in high school with his friends and too cool to listen.  And before Angel and I go from “mommy and daddy who know best” to “mom and dad who couldn’t possibly understand.”

So I’m writing this post as a reminder to myself, and to all parents… (more…)

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By Leo Babauta

Over the last five years or so, as I’ve worked with thousands of people on changing their habits, I’ve come to a realization: dissatisfaction with ourselves is a pretty universal phenomenon.

We are unhappy with who we are, sometimes in small ways but often in very fundamental ways.

We doubt ourselves, feel inadequate, dislike our looks, criticize our failing harshly, feel uncertain about whether we’re worthy of praise or love.

The result is anxiety, procrastination, fear, and the inability to change our habits. I’ve seen so many people who are unable to stick to an exercise program or healthy diet changes because they don’t believe in themselves. At the heart of their failure to make positive changes is a deep feeling of unworthiness and inadequacy.

Every time we fail, we are harsh with ourselves, and we see it as just more evidence that we suck. Every time things are less-than-ideal, we blame ourselves (or, if we don’t want to be blamed, we blame other people).

What if, instead of beating ourselves up (or blaming others), we just accepted what happened and then took appropriate action? What if we took this as an opportunity to see our humanness, to love ourselves, to see ourselves as innately good?

This dissatisfaction with ourselves doesn’t just hurt our health habits … it hurts our productivity and ability to focus on meaningful work. We doubt whether we’re up to facing this task filled with discomfort and uncertainty, so we look for relief from all of it instead of just trusting that we’re up to the task. We procrastinate, seek distraction, try to run from the uncertainty.

Our relationships are also harmed by this dissatisfaction with ourselves — when we don’t believe in ourselves, we are insecure in our relationships. That can result in jealousy, anger, fear of losing someone, and treating the other person with distrust. That’s not a good recipe for a good relationship, and if the relationship becomes shaky, we often either blame the other person or see it as more evidence that we suck.

Our happiness is marred by this dissatisfaction with ourselves— if we don’t like ourselves, don’t trust ourselves, don’t see ourselves as worthy of love … then how can we truly be happy in each moment? Underlying each moment is a dissatisfaction, a lack of contentedness, a wish that things would be different.

These are just a handful of ways that dissatisfaction with ourselves is harming us. This problem actually affects every area of our lives, from jobs to finances to parenting and more.

The Way Out: Loving Ourselves

Instead of harming ourselves with this self-doubt, this constant feeling of inadequacy … what if we loved ourselves instead?

What if we trusted ourselves, believed in our basic worthiness, believed that we would be OK even if things didn’t work out as planned, believed that we are loving, kind, and innately good human beings?

That would change everything: we’d be more trusting in relationships, we’d procrastinate less because we knew we could handle uncertainty and discomfort, we’d become healthier because we would see healthy food and exercise as just two more ways to love ourselves. We’d seek ways to love others, to serve the world with meaningful work, to enjoy the basic goodness of every moment. We’d be happier, and in the times when we’re not happy, we’d still be able to find contentment in the middle of difficulty.

Of course, that’s much easier said than done. We have so many years of experience in disliking ourselves, in being harsh with ourselves, that loving ourselves can seem impossible. It’s not. You can do this.

It starts with the simple intention to love yourself, to see yourself as adequate and worthy of love, to wish for your own happiness and the relief from pain and stress.

Once you have this intention, you can practice a daily session of wishing for your own happiness, wishing for an end to your pain. A daily session of gratitude for the good things about yourself.

You can start to see the basic goodness in everything you do, even if it’s less than perfect (as all humans are). You can see the good hearted nature in every one of your actions, even the ones that are harmful. You can start to see the good-hearted nature in what everyone else does as well.

This is the practice, and it takes lots of practice. But loving yourself might just be the most important project you’ve ever undertaken, because it will change your world.

My New Course: How to Love Yourself

I’m happy to offer a new course, called “How to Love Yourself,” as part of my Sea Change Program.

I invite you to join us in this 4-week course, by joining Sea Change today.

Sea Change is my monthly membership program for changing habits, learning mindfulness and changing your life. Each month, we focus on something different, and this month it’s procrastination.

What you’ll get with this course:

1. Two video lessons per week
2. A challenge to do a short compassion session six days a week for the whole month
3. A weekly check-in for the challenge so you stay accountable
4. A live video webinar where you can ask me questions

I encourage you to join me and have your efforts to change your old patterns be supported by me and more than a thousand other Sea Change members.

Join Sea Change today and start the course.

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In the midst of bad days and hard times, it’s easy to look around and see a bunch of people who seem to be doing perfectly fine.  But I assure you they’re not.  We’re all struggling in our own unique way, every single day.  And if we could just be brave enough to open up about it, and talk to each other more often, we’d realize that we are not alone in feeling lost and alone with our issues.

So many of us are fighting a similar battle right now.  Try to remember this.  No matter how embarrassed or pathetic you feel about your own situation, there are others out there experiencing the same emotions.  When you hear yourself say, “I am all alone,” it’s just your troubled subconscious mind trying to sell you a lie.

There’s always someone who (more…)

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By Leo Babauta

Today is my 44th birthday (thanks mom!) and I have a gift for you, my beautiful readers:

It’s called The 44 Training Program: Turning Uncertainty to Find Mindful Openness.

What the heck is that? It’s a video training program that I’m offering for free, to help you:

• Overcome uncertainty, anxiety, fear, discomfort and procrastination
• Find peace, mindful openness, gratitude and joy
• Transform your difficulties and pain into growth and beauty
• Overcome any struggle you’re having right now

Wow, can it really do all that?! Yes. Yes, my friends, it can. If you put in the effort to train.

What It’s About

In our lives, we have lots of difficulty: stress, anxiety, anger and frustration, plus the pain of loss and heartbreak and massive change, not to mention major illness and chronic pain and depression.

How do we deal with all of this? We can use it, as the place of transformation to happiness and peace. We can use it, as a way to awaken, to touch our inner goodness, to connect with the pain of others.

The place we find peace and mindfulness and happiness isn’t somewhere away from the pain and struggle … it’s right in the midst of it.

This program is about training ourselves to be mindful, to find peace in the midst of chaos and pain, to get good at dealing with discomfort and change and uncertainty.

This program is about simple practices that train our minds and our hearts. It’s my life’s work.

How It Works

So how does it work? It’s simple:

• You train with 11 different practices, 4 days each. So 44 days total.
• The daily practice sessions should take only 5-10 minutes a day.
• If you sign up below, you’ll get an email every other day, with videos for each practice and a short article to encourage and inform your practice.
• With each practice, I just ask you to give me a little feedback on how it’s going, to help me make the program better.

It’s mind training, training in uncertainty and discomfort, training in transforming our struggles and fear into openness and joy (as I shared in my mission a couple days ago).

Sign up below, and get started with the Intro video today!

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Questions

You might have a few questions, here are the answers:

Question: Is this going to take a lot of my time?

Answer: It should take about 5-10 minutes a day, for 44 days, not including watching the short instructional videos.

Question: Are you going to try to sell me something if I sign up?

Answer: No. There are no “upsells” or soft sells or anything else. No spam. No marketing. Just short videos and short articles.

Question: What do I need to do this program?

Answer: A quiet place to sit for a few minutes would be ideal, but you could make it work on your commute, on the toilet, walking outside. An open mind is also great. And the willingness to commit to the practice for 44 days.

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By Leo Babauta

When I started Zen Habits 10 years ago, I simply wanted to share what I’d been learning about changing my habits and simplifying my life with others.

Then something magical happened.

Over the next year or two, people took some of my tips and changed their lives. They were able to finally stick to some new habits, simplify their lives, even find a mindfulness practice. As they changed their lives, it changed me.

Now I didn’t just want to share life tips. I wanted to help. I wanted to serve my readers, help them find contentment and happiness and gratitude and joy. That meant I had to dig into their messy problems, meet them in the middle of their struggles.

In the last couple of years, I’ve been honing in on what I can do to help people, and I’ve been honing in on my life’s mission.

I think I have it now: my mission is to help people with their struggles, and find mindful openness, gratitude and joy. My mission is to transform fear, uncertainty and discomfort into this place of peace and contentment. I’ve been working on how to state that mission in a succinct way, and I’m still working on it.

But I’m going to own my mission statement as it is right now: Help the world transform fear & uncertainty into mindful openness and joy.

Transform fear and procrastination into joy and gratitude.

Transform struggle and frustration into growth and love.

Transform uncertainty and change into peace and openness.

That’s my mission, and I’m sharing it with you because over the next couple of years, you’ll see me write more about this, but also offer books, courses, webinars, workshops and retreats to try to accomplish this mission.

That’s why I offered the Dealing with Struggles Course (which is still open right now), why I offered the Zen Habits Mindfulness Retreat (just finished this past weekend, went brilliantly!), why I continue to offer new video courses in my Sea Change Program. I’m not doing these to make lots of money, but to fulfill my life’s mission.

This Sunday (April 30) is my 44th birthday, and I’m going to be offering a free video training program on that day, as a gift to all of you. I’ll tell you more about it on Sunday, but for now just know that’s it will be completely free, I won’t be trying to upsell you on any products or services, and the only reason I’m offering it is because I am driven to serve you and my mission.

It be called The 44 Training Program: Training in Uncertainty to Find Mindful Openness. It will be a 44-day training program, where you commit to practicing for just 5-10 minutes a day. You’ll get good at uncertainty and discomfort and change, and learn to find joy and openness in the midst of it all. More on Sunday!

For now, I just wanted to share my mission with you all, because I love you guys, and you have changed my life in a profound way. I’m deeply grateful for your support over the years, and just know that I’m committed to serving you with love and joy.

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