By Leo Babauta

It can seem like our lives are filled with busyness, noise, distractions, and often meaningless activities.

What if we could filter out all that noise, and focus on the meaningful?

What if we could find stillness instead of constant distraction?

I believe that most of us have that power. In my experience, most of the noise is there by choice, but we’ve fallen into patterns over the years and it can seem like we’re not able to change them.

Let’s talk about ways to filter out the noise, then how to find stillness and meaning.

Ways to Filter the Noise

Take the rest of today to notice what noise you find in your life. Even take a little time to make a list, whenever you find distraction or busyness.

For example, noise in my life comes from: email, Whatsapp, Snapchat, Twitter, blogs and other sites I like to read, text messages, Slack, and watching Netflix. You might have other sources: Facebook, Instagram, Messenger, news, cable TV.

Once we’re aware of the noise, how can we filter it out? We have to decide that we want more quiet and meaning in our lives. That it’s important enough to “miss out” on some things in those noisy channels.

Then we can take action:

• Turn off notifications as much as possible. Including the unread messages count by each app on your phone.
• Decide to check on some things (like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram) just once a day. Others you can check twice a day, or three times if needed (like email or Slack). But set a limit.
• Delete accounts or delete apps that aren’t giving you real meaning (I deleted my Facebook account years ago).
• Unsubscribe from everything possible in your email account. And from Twitter or any other app where you’re “following” people or blogs/websites. If you use an RSS reader, unsubscribe from as many feeds as possible. Leave only a handful that give you meaning.
• Tell people that you are only checking your messages once a day, to set expectations. Don’t use an autoresponder — I find those annoying. Instead, just send a message to the people who matter most, and ask that they be understanding.
• Set a time each day when you watch TV or movies (if at all). Set a time of day when you read news or blogs (if at all). If you say, “I only watch TV after 7 p.m.,” then you’ve limited how much space this takes up in your life.
• If there are some things (like email, for example) where you need to stay connected because of work, try to negotiate with your boss or team so that you can find periods of disconnection. For example, ask if you can take a couple hours in the morning and a couple in the afternoon to be disconnected, to focus on more important work.

If you take these actions, you’ll filter out most of the noise.

What’s left? Time for quiet, stillness, focus and meaning.

Finding Stillness & Meaning

Once you’ve filtered out the noise, you are left with a few interesting problems:

1. Changing your habits of busyness and constant movement.
2. Figuring out what’s meaningful.
3. Learning to stop and stay still.

I think those are wonderful problems to be faced with. Most people never even consider them. Find gratitude that you can work on this at all.

Take some time to notice your constant need for busyness or distraction. For example, if you have a moment where you’re not doing anything — you’re waiting in line, you’re alone at your restaurant table while your friend goes to the bathroom, you’re sitting on your couch — what do you try to do out of habit? This is your pattern of busyness and movement.

Now see if you can let go of those patterns. Catch yourself, and instead opt for stillness and quiet. Try to just sit there and notice your surroundings. Soak it all in. Savor the moment. Meditate on your breath. Reflect on your day. Ask yourself what you’re grateful for right now.

Start building new patterns of stillness. For example, try morning meditation on your breath, even if just for a few minutes every day. Try going for a morning or evening walk, without your phone. Try turning the phone and computer off and just journal.

Start finding activities that are more meaningful to you. This doesn’t have to be done in one day — you can slowly experiment to figure out what’s meaningful to you. You might start writing a book or screenplay, for example, or taking photos or drawing or making music. You might decide to start a business or charity that changes the world. You might start to learn something that’s meaningful, or teach others. Find ways to help others and make the world a better place. Journal, meditate, exercise, make healthy food, declutter, make dates with people who are important to you.

When you notice yourself running to busyness and distraction, pause. Turn instead towards stillness and your meaningful activities.

Build a life around stillness and meaning, and notice the difference it makes in you.

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We have now stepped into a brand new year.

And to help you to get 2017 off to a great start and make it your most successful, action-filled and fulfilling year yet I have now opened up the doors again to the 10-week Stop Procrastinating Now Course.

If you join during this period you also get free life-time access to all the material in my 31 Days to a Simpler Life Course as a special bonus.

Plus, you get free access to 6 extra bonuses on motivation, on getting your day off to a great start and more.

The registration to join this course will only be open for 5 days this time, until 1.00 p.m EST (that’s 18.00 GMT) on Monday the 9:th of January.

Click here to learn more and to join the course

The Stop Procrastinating Now Course is filled with all the best things I have learned in the past 10 years.

These are the strategies, exercises and simple step-by-step methods that have helped me to stop putting so many things off for so long.

The habits that have been a true life-changer for me.

A year from now, where are you going to be?

Each week of the course you’ll get a written guide, a worksheet to help you gain better understanding of your own situation and results as you go through the course and an audio version of that week’s guide that you can listen to anywhere when you need a boost.

At the end of the weekly guide you’ll get just a few specific action-steps to take that week to minimize the risk of you feeling overwhelmed and getting lost in procrastination again.

Because I want as many as possible to not only to read the information. But also to take small steps forward each week to make a real and lasting change in their lives.

In this course you’ll, for example, learn how to:

• Understand the 7 basic reasons for procrastination. So you can understand yourself better and where you need put your attention.
• Find the crucial balance between doing fully focused work and having plenty of guilt-free rest and play.
• Setup your daily work environment in just a few minutes to keep the distractions to a minimum and your focus sharp.
• Stop doing busy work and wasting so much of your time and life. And start getting what will give you the biggest results done each day.
• Overcome the 4 fundamental fears that drive us to procrastination step-by-step. So you can take action on what you deep down want and not be held back any longer.

And a whole lot more.

The window to join The Stop Procrastinating Now Course closes at 1.00 p.m EST (that’s 18.00 GMT) on Monday the 9:th of January.

Click here to learn more about The Stop Procrastinating Now Course, to join it and to make 2017 your best year yet

 

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“New Year’s eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights”
Hamilton Wright Mabie

This year is coming to an end. Just a couple more days to go.

But before we step through that doorway I’d like to quickly share one last article with 3 of my favorite questions of all time that can help you shape 2017 into 365 days that will be simpler, happier and self-kinder.

Stay safe, enjoy your New Year’s celebration and see you next year!

1. Is this useful?

It’s very easy to spend a lot of time on things that do not really matter much. To spend hours, days or even weeks on being angry at someone, replaying a mistake or failure in one’s mind or to dwell on something negative and feeling more and more like a victim.

So I try to ask myself this question as often as I can to question and confront my own thoughts.  To catch myself and to wake myself up when I get stuck in negative thought loops going round and round.

By doing so I:

• Suffer less.
• Waste less time on going round in circles.
• Spend more of my time on finding a practical solution.

2. What is one very small step I can take right now to get the ball rolling?

This is my favorite question for when I want to get started with something or if I want to get going again with something that have fallen to the side for some reason.

Because it makes things easier. Makes them feel lighter.

This question prevents me from trying to escape into procrastination and helps me to avoid the side-effects of that such as sinking self-esteem and simply a lot of time being wasted on trying to hide.

3. Will this matter in 5 years? Or even 5 weeks?

This one helps me to simplify.

To let go.

To not make a mountain out of a molehill.

To find the healthier and happier perspective.

To not lose my focus and energy to crippling worries.

To find a lightness in life where I do not have to carry around 5 tons of unnecessary mental baggage.

It is a truly wonderful question.

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By Leo Babauta

It’s been quite an amazing year for me and Zen Habits. I’m glad I’ve had all of you along with me for the ride.

Other than the 2016 election and other craziness in the world, which I decline to discuss on this site, a lot has happened for me personally:

• Eva’s dad died this month, and we’ve flown back to Guam for the funeral. The good news is we’re finishing the year here on Guam, with family we love and miss, and it is gorgeous here.
• My son Rain graduate from high school and started college, and my daughter Chloe moved back to Guam and started working at the newspaper. We had a family reunion in the summer for my wife’s family. Our son Justin moved back to California and focused on learning 3D animation. My other son Seth got into making electronic music, my daughter Maia started playing in a band and animating, and my other daughter Noelle saved up for a trip to Guam.
• I traveled a lot: a retreat in Ecuador’s cloud rainforest, a hiking trip in Japan, a cruise from Sydney to Hawaii through New Caledonia, Vanuatu and Fiji, a nine-day drive around Iceland, and visits to Stockholm, New York, Maui, Guam, Buenos Aires, Lima, Cusco and Machu Picchu. Actually it was a bit too much travel, but I’m not complaining!
• I got into ultralight hiking and explored the Desolation Wilderness, and have more hikes planned for next year, and camped in the Sierra Nevada with my wife and kids.
• I dove deeper into learning about mindfulness. It became probably the biggest focus for me this year, and I hope to continue that in 2017.
• I worked with developers to develop the Habit Zen web app for habits, and did a successful Kickstarter campaign for it.
• I wrote several ebooks: the Zen Habits Beginner’s Guide to Mindfulness, Ultralight: The Zen Habits Guide to Traveling Light & Living Light, and the Habit Guide Ebook
• I created 8 video courses for my Sea Change Program members.

Whew! What a year! I’m grateful to be here through all of this wondrousness.

The Best Zen Habits Posts of 2016

To wrap up this year, here are my favorite Zen Habits post from 2016:

• Meditation for Beginners: 20 Practical Tips for Understanding the Mind
• Let Everything Breathe
• Opt Out: A Simplicity Manifesto
• Fear Is Why We Have Too Much Stuff
• A Mini-Guide to Not Being Frustrated All the Time
• How to Write Every Day
• Unconventional Productivity
• Rules for Getting Organized & Decluttered
• Our Relationship with the Present Moment
• The Zen Habits Guide to Letting Go of Attachments
• Why We Struggle with Change

And more

For more best of Zen Habits:

• Best of Zen Habits in 2007.
• The Essential Zen Habits of 2008.
• The Essential Zen Habits of 2009.
• The Essential Zen Habits of 2010.
• The Essential Zen Habits of 2011.
• The Essential Zen Habits of 2012.
• The Essential Zen Habits of 2013.
• The Essential Zen Habits of 2014.
• The Essential Zen Habits of 2015.

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By Leo Babauta

One of the biggest sources of difficulties for every single human being is the desire for people to be a certain way.

We can’t seem to help it: we want the world to be the way we want it. Unfortunately, reality always has different plans, and people behave in less-than-ideal ways.

The problem isn’t other people. It’s our ideals.

Yes, I think it would be great if people stopped killing animals for food and fashion, and became vegan instead. But that’s not the reality I’m faced with, and it’s not going to happen for quite some time, if ever.

Yes, I think it would be great if my kids behaved perfectly all the time, but that’s not the reality of kids. Or any human beings, for that matter.

Yes, it would be great if my wife always agreed with me, but that’s not going to happen.

So the problem is:

• We have ideals about how people should act, or ways we’d like them to be.
• People don’t act in those ideal ways, or aren’t the way we’d like them to be.
• We get bothered by that reality. Frustrated, angry, sad, disappointed, stressed.
• This makes us unhappy, and damages our relationships with others.

This is obviously not great.

We have a couple options:

1. Stick rigidly to the way we want people to be, and be upset when they don’t meet those ideals.
2. Stick rigidly to the way we want people to be, and try really hard to make them be that way. (This pretty much never works.)
3. Let go of the ideals and be happier and less frustrated.

When we think about it this way, it’s obvious that option 3 is the best route. We’ll talk about this option soon, but let’s talk about a couple objections first.

Objections to Letting Go

When people are confronted with the idea of letting go of their ideals about other people, they usually have a few objections:

• Objection: But then people get away with bad behavior. There’s a difference between wanting someone to behave a certain way (and getting upset when they don’t) … and accepting that a person is acting a certain way, and then compassionately finding an appropriate response. In the first case, you are angry at them for their behavior, and your response out of anger is likely to make things worse. In the second case, you aren’t bothered too much, but can see that their behavior is harmful and want to help them not harm. You can’t actually control them, but you can try to help. If you try to help but need them to accept your help, then it will be continued frustration. Help but let go of the ideal outcome you’d like from your offered help.
• Objection: But what about abusive behavior? There’s a difference between being agonized about the abuse, and accepting that the person is abusive and taking appropriate action. Letting go of your ideals about how the abusive person should act doesn’t mean you let them abuse you. It just means you accept that they are an abuser, while taking the appropriate action of getting away from them, and reporting them or seeking help for them if it’s appropriate. Don’t leave yourself in a place where you’re being harmed, but that doesn’t mean you have to be afflicted by someone else’s actions.
• Objection: But then we don’t make the world a better place. If people behave in less-than-ideal ways, you can agonize about it while trying to change them, or you can accept that the world is not ideal … but calmly and compassionately work to help others. In both cases, you’re trying to do good … but in the second case, you’re not agonizing about how things are.

So these objections are all about wanting to change people’s bad behavior. This article is about inner acceptance of “bad” behavior (or what I think of as “not ideal”) … but once you have inner acceptance, you can take appropriate external action. That might be helping, being compassionate, getting to safety, talking calmly and lovingly to someone, reporting abusive behavior, getting counseling, or many more appropriate actions that come from a place of love, compassion and understanding rather than frustration and anger.

Letting Go of Ideals

So how do you let go of wanting people to be a certain way?

First, reflect on how these ideals are harming you and others. This wanting your way, this wanting a specific version of reality … is making you frustrated, unhappy, angry. It’s harming your relationship. It’s likely making the other person unhappy as well. This is all caused by an attachment to expectations and ideals.

Next, reflect on wanting yourself and others to be happy. If the ideals and expectations are harming yourself and others … wouldn’t it be nice to stop harming yourself? Wouldn’t it be nice to be happy instead of frustrated? Think about the desire to have a better relationship with other people as well, and for them to be happier in their relationship with you. This is your intention, and it is one of love.

Third, notice the ideals and frustrations as they arise. See when someone else is frustrating you, and reflect on what ideal you’re holding for them. How do you want them to behave instead? Don’t get caught up in your story of why they should behave that way, but instead just take note of the ideal. See that this ideal is harming you. Decide that it’s not useful to you.

Also notice your mental pattern of resentment when someone doesn’t meet your expectations, and decide to try to catch it early. It’s a pattern you can be aware of and catch early, and decide to change your pattern.

Next, mindfully observe the tightness. Turn your attention to your body, the tightness that comes from holding on to this ideal. Pay attention to how it feels, the quality of the energy in your body, where it’s located, how it changes. In this moment of observing, you are awake, rather than being stuck in the daydream of your story about why this person should be behaving differently.

At this point, you can decide to try a different pattern.

A Different Way

So now, you can practice a different way of being.

Here are some ideas I’ve found useful:

• Instead of fixing on one way this person (or situation) should be, be open to other possibilities. Open yourself to lots of different ways this person or situation can be.
• Try to understand the person, rather than judging them based on limited information. Try to understand why they’d act this way — perhaps they are afraid. Perhaps they’re suffering in some way. Perhaps this is their strategy for protecting themselves.
• Try to see the good-hearted nature of their actions, rather than one where they are a bad person. For example, you might see that they are tender-hearted and afraid, and so are acting out of fear. Or they just want to be happy, and this is their strategy for being happy. Or maybe they have good intentions and want to help, but are misguided. We all have a good heart deep down inside, but it might take several layers to see that. Anger can stem from jealousy which stems from insecurities and fear, which stems from a tender-hearted worry that we’re not good enough. The angry action isn’t justified, but there is still a good heart at the core.
• See their suffering that causes their actions and know that you have suffered in the same way. Remember how that suffering feels, so you can see what they’re going through. Compassionately wish for an end to their suffering.
• Tell yourself that you don’t know how people should act. Honestly, I don’t always know how I should act … I am fooling myself if I think I know how other people should act. Instead, I might be curious about their actions.
• See the other person as a teacher. They are helping you practice mindfulness, and let go of your old patterns. They are teaching you about reality vs. ideals, about how humans act.
• Relax. Seriously, see the tightness you’re holding, and just relax. Smile. Be happy in this present moment.
• Practice see the goodness in the other person, in yourself, and in the present moment. There is always an underlying goodness in this moment, if you choose to notice. Trust in this goodness, and you’ll be afraid less and happier more.

These are some practices. Try them, practice them over and over. I think you’ll be happier for it, and every relationship will be better.

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By Leo Babauta

Too much to do, not enough time.

This is a perpetual problem for a lot of people, but it seems to be especially pronounced during the holidays. With holiday events, shopping, travel, family visiting … things tend to pile on top of our already busy lives.

But no matter what time of year it is, the problem is the same: our list of tasks is neverending, and our days are too short.

How can we deal with this in a sane way?

I’ll offer five suggestions that work for me.

1. Use this as an opportunity to practice mindfulness. In the middle of your stress and feeling of being overwhelmed … you have the opportunity to be present. When you notice yourself feeling this way, drop in: notice how your body feels. Take a second to observe the physical sensations of your surroundings (sounds, light, touch sensations, etc.). Notice how your body feels as your mind is spinning with anxiety or busyness.

No, stress and overwhelm are not the two most pleasant feelings, but they’re also not the end of the world. And if you see them as an opportunity to practice, to learn, to get better, then they can actually be good news. They are your teachers, and this is your time to be mindful.

You don’t have to spend a whole minute dropping in, but just take five or 10 seconds. Just observe how you’re feeling, observe your surroundings, observe how your thoughts are affecting you. Just notice, briefly, and in that short time, you’ve woken up from the dream we’re in most of the time.

2. Realize that you can’t do it all right now. You might have 20 things to do, or 100 … but you can’t do all of them right now. You probably can’t do them all in the next hour even. How many can you actually do right now? One.

This reminder is meant to free us from the idea that we need to do everything right now. We can’t. So instead, this allows us to focus on just one thing. Just pick one task, and focus on that. Because the others, as urgent as they might seem, can’t possibly be done right now. You can delegate them, eliminate them, defer them, but you can’t do them all right now. So focus on one, and give it your full attention. This is the most helpful way to work, in my experience.

3. Pick a high impact task to focus on. When we’re busy, we often get into the mode of doing a lot of small tasks really quickly. It feels like we’re knocking a lot of things off the list, which can feel productive. But it’s just running around like a chicken without a head.

If you’re going to focus on just one task, it’s best to make it a good one. Something that will have a decent impact on your day, your work, your life. That probably isn’t answering a bunch of unimportant emails or checking Facebook messages. One important email that will close a deal, move along a key project, help someone’s life … that’s a higher impact task. For me, writing is almost always the highest impact thing I can do. It’s hard to figure out what the highest impact task might be, but if you give it some thought, you can see which ones are probably not that important, and which ones are more important. Pick one from the latter category when you can.

That said, you still have to do the smaller tasks. Answer the other emails, run the errands, clean the kitchen counter. I like to take care of those between the bigger tasks, as a way to take a break. Do something important with focus, then relieve my brain by cleaning or answering a few emails. The key is not to procrastinate on the bigger tasks by doing the smaller ones.

4. Be present with this task, with intention. Once you’ve picked an important task, set aside everything else for now. You can’t do them all now, so be here with the one you’ve chosen. Breathe. Set an intention for this task: who are you doing this for, and why? For me, I am often doing my work tasks for you guys (my readers), but I do personal tasks for my family or to help myself. Set a simple intention: I’m writing this article to help my readers who are struggling.

Then let that intention move you as you focus on the task. Be present with the task, noticing how your body feels as you do the task, letting yourself melt into the doing of it, pouring yourself into it as fully as you can. You might get the urge to switch to something else — just notice that and stay with the urge, not letting yourself follow it unthinkingly, then return to the task when the urge subsides. Remember your intention, then let yourself be fully immersed in the task.

5. Practice letting go, with a smile. Having too much to do, and wanting to get it all done as soon as possible … can actually get in the way of doing. This desire to get it all done is an obstacle. Luckily, it’s a great practice to work with this obstacle!

The practice is letting it go. Notice what you think you need to do (your ideal), and let go of it. Instead, tell yourself you don’t know, and instead be open to the reality that’s right in front of you: you can only do one task. Be open to that idea, and the stress will be lowered.

And as you let go of your ideal and open to the reality, smile. Be grateful for the moment you actually have, rather than wishing for the one you don’t have. Smile, and be happy now, rather than waiting for happiness to come at some unspecified date.

In the end, will these suggestions clear away your to-do list? No. You’ll always have a lot of things on your list, and not enough time to do them all. What this does is help you to deal with that fact, and make you more mindful and focused in the middle of that reality.

Life is too short to spend most of it stressed out by an unchangeable fact. We don’t have to waste our time and mental energy worrying about too much to do. Instead, we can smile and be happy doing what we can do now.

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“May you have warmth in your igloo, oil in your lamp, and peace in your heart!”
Eskimo proverb

The holidays are upon us.

A time of needed relaxation and more time with the people closest to us.

A time of stress and worries. A time of not all the joy you may have hoped for or been promised by upbeat advertising and movies.

It can be a time of mixed feelings.

So today I would like to share 5 powerful and timeless tips that can help you to make these holidays a more joyful and peaceful time.

1. Slow down.

“For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.”
Lily Tomlin

First, slow down. Even if it may feel silly and if you have to force it a bit. Slow down your body, move and walk slowly.

Breathe slower and more deeply with your belly (and focus on doing just that for two minutes and see what happens).

Slow down your eating (this will not only help you to relax, it will also help you to not eat too much during the holidays since it takes about 20 minutes for your brain to register that you are full).

Slow it all down and pay attention to what you are doing. Be here now and focus on doing just one thing at a time. By slowing down, by being here now, by not having your focus split between many things you – your body and your mind – start to relax.

2. Appreciate the little things instead of focusing on perfection.

“Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.”
Winnie the Pooh

Daily happiness is to a large part about appreciating the small things. If you just allow yourself to be happy when accomplishing a big goal or when everything lines up just perfectly then you are making life harder than it needs to be.

Instead, focus on appreciating things that you may take for granted.

Take two minutes and find things in your life you can appreciate now. If you want a handful of suggestions, here are a few of the things that I like to appreciate around the holidays:

• All the tasty food.
• My health.
• My family and friends.
• That I have a roof and a warm home as the snow is falling and the cold winds are blowing.
• The beautiful wintery landscapes.

3. Give a bit of joy to someone else.

“Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

This may sound like an empty cliché but it surely works. One of the best ways to become happier is simply to make others happier.

When you make someone else happy you can sense, see, feel and hear it. And that happy feeling flows back to you.

And since the Law of Reciprocity is strong there is another upside. People will feel like giving back to you. Or like paying it forward to someone else.

And so the two (or more) of you keep building an upward spiral of for example positivity, of helping out, of cheering up and of lending a listening ear and support.

4. Focus on what is most valuable.

“You can never get enough of what you don’t need to make you happy.”
Eric Hoffer

“Joy is not in things; it is in us.”
Benjamin Franklin

Instead of focusing on a lot of things focus on what is most important and valuable to you.

If you still have Christmas gifts to buy then instead of giving away a lot of expensive stuff it may be better to give one thing that the person you are giving it to will truly appreciate.

Or maybe you could skip giving a physical thing altogether. And instead give away an experience that will become a special day and cherished memory for him or her or for the two of you.

However you choose to go about things over the holidays make it YOUR choices as best you can and not a bunch of shoulds that mostly make you feel deflated.

5. Just accept how you feel right now.

“We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.”
Carl Jung

Maybe you try some of the tips above. And they still can’t help you to shake that negativity, worries or stress you are carrying around. I would then suggest that you just accept that the feeling is there.

Tell yourself: This is how I feel right now and I accept it.

This might sound counter-intuitive and like you are giving up. However, by accepting how you feel instead of resisting it you reduce the emotional energy that you are feeding into this conflict or problem.

And it then tends to lose speed like a car that runs out of fuel. Sometimes the problem or conflict will then become so weak that it just moves out of your mind.

By accepting what is you have now freed up energy and your attention so your mind can become more level-headed, open and constructive once again. And you can see more clearly and take focused action towards a solution.

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By Leo Babauta

These past two weeks have been hectic and exhausting for me. My wife’s father passed away, and I’ve been in non-stop planning, coordinating, cooking, cleaning, driving around mode.

Yesterday was the funeral, and it was a long, tiring and busy day. Incredibly sad, but busy.

In the midst of this busyness, I’ve been trying to remember the practice of “continual letting go.”

I see it as a Zen practice: whatever you think you know, let go of it. Whatever you are sure of, let go of it. My mantra is: You know nothing. The result is that when I remind myself of this, I try to see things from a fresh perspective. I realize that I think I know something but I don’t really, and so I try to see it as if I don’t know.

What’s the point of this? By continually letting go, we don’t have to be so stressed out. When we realize we don’t know:

• We don’t have to be mad when someone is acting in a way we don’t like.
• We don’t have to have anxiety when we don’t know if things will go as planned or hoped.
• We don’t have to have all the answers. We can have questions and curiosity instead.
• We don’t have to get into a tense “No I’m right” battle with anyone else.
• We don’t judge other people as much, so we can be open to who they are and have a good relationship with them.
• We don’t have to control things, but can instead just try to be helpful without controlling the outcome.

The benefit of this is that by continually letting go of what I think things should be, of what I think I know, of needing to have control or certainty … I can just let go and relax. I can do my best, but not stress out about it when things don’t go my way.

I don’t have to be afflicted by anything. I can be busy, but not afflicted by that busyness. I can be tired, but not afflicted by the fact of my tiredness. I can have things go differently than I planned, but not be afflicted by that fact. The first conditions (busy, tired, things not going as planned) are not always in my control. But I can let go of knowing, and so not be afflicted by any of these conditions. Being afflicted by the conditions of life is what causes our real problems.

So in the midst of tiredness, busyness, chaos … I try to remember to let go, continually.

When someone comes to me with something unexpected, I try to let go of what I thought the situation was. Then I open up to this new situation, with fresh eyes.

When someone is cross with me or grumpy, I try to let go of how I think they should be acting. And then be curious about why they’re acting that way, and love them in the midst of their suffering.

When I’m tired and have a lot to do, I try to let go of the idea that I shouldn’t be tired or busy. Then I look at the situation with fresh eyes and realize that I can do these tasks despite the discomfort, out of love for my family.

When things are messy or disorderly, not the way I like them, I try to let go of the way I think things should be. Then I try to see the situation with fresh eyes, understanding that there will always be chaos and mess, and that this too can be loved.

I see that I’m stressed and holding onto the way I want things to be, and so I tell myself I know nothing. And I let go. Then something else comes up and tightness comes up in my body, and I notice this and try to let go. I breathe, smile, and open up. I see things as a beginner. It happens again and again, often from one moment to the next, and I try to continuously let go, let go, let go.

And by letting go of what I know, I’m opening myself up to what’s in front of me. This unfolding moment of unexpectedness.

And it is truly magnificent.

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