Motivation

A Guide to Dealing with Dissatisfaction with Ourselves

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By Leo Babauta

The more I talk to people about their struggles, the more I realize that we all have some sense of dissatisfaction with ourselves.

I have it, and I’d be willing to be everyone reading this does too. Consider some of the ways we’re dissatisfied with ourselves:

  • We constantly have a feeling that we should be better, doing more, more productive, more mindful, and so on.
  • We doubt ourselves when we have to speak in a group or in public, and feel that we’re not good enough to contribute.
  • We are unhappy with certain aspects of ourselves, like our bodies, the way our faces look, the way we procrastinate or get angry or lose patience as a partner or parent.
  • We think we need to improve.

This is a constant condition, and even if we get a compliment from someone, we find a way to undercut it in our minds because we think we’re not good enough for that compliment.

It affects our lives in so many ways: we might not be good at making friends, speaking in public or in a group, finding a partner, doing the work we’re passionate about, finding contentment with ourselves and our lives.

And we don’t like feeling this way, so we run. We find distraction, comfort in food or alcohol or drugs or shopping, lash out at other people when we’re feeling defensive about ourselves. It’s at the heart of nearly all of our problems.

So how do we deal with this underlying problem? The answer is profoundly simple, yet not easy.

Before I go into dealing with the problem, we should discuss something first — the idea that we need to be dissatisfied with ourselves to make life improvements.

Unhappiness with Self as a Motivator

I used to think, as many people do, that if we’re unhappy with ourselves, we’ll be driven to get better. And if we were all of a sudden content with ourselves, we’d stop doing anything.

I no longer believe this. I do think we’re often driven to make improvements because we’re dissatisfied with ourselves, and that’s not a bad thing. We have hope for something better.

But consider:

  • When we are unhappy with ourselves, it’s hard to be happy when we do something good. We’re still dissatisfied. So doing something good, then, isn’t the reward it could be.
  • We have habits of running from this bad feeling about ourselves, so procrastination and distraction become the default mode, and this gets in the way of our efforts. In fact, we’ll never solve the problems of distraction and procrastination until we can learn to deal with this problem of unhappiness with self.
  • Unhappiness with self can get in the way of connecting with others (because we think we’re not good enough, and so can feel anxiety about meeting others). We can’t solve this, no matter how much we want to improve, until we address the underlying issue.
  • Even when we make an improvement, the feeling of dissatisfaction with self doesn’t go away. So we try to improve some more, and it still doesn’t go away. In my experience, it never does, until you’re ready to face it head on.
  • During this awesome period of self improvement driven by dissatisfaction, we don’t love ourselves. Which is a sad thing.

So is it possible to get things done and make improvements without dissatisfaction with self? I’ve discovered that the answer is a definite “yes.”

You can exercise and eat healthy not because you dislike your body and want to make it better … but because you love yourself and want to inspire your family. You can do work out of love for the people it will help. You can declutter, get out of debt, read more, and meditate not because you’re dissatisfied with yourself … but because you love yourself and others.

In fact, I would argue that you’re more likely to do all of those things if you love yourself, and less likely if you dislike yourself.

Dealing with Dissatisfaction

What can we do about our continual dissatisfaction with ourselves? How do we deal with self-doubt, feeling like we’re not good enough, unhappiness with certain parts of ourselves?

It turns out that these feelings are perfect opportunities — to learn about ourselves and how to be friends with ourselves.

Here’s how:

  1. Each time we have these feelings, we can pause and just notice.
  2. Turn towards the feeling, seeing how it feels in your body. Be curious about how it feels, physically.
  3. Instead of running from this feeling, stay with it. Instead of rejecting it, try opening up to it and accepting it.
  4. Open yourself up to the pain of this feeling, and see it as a path to opening up your heart. In this way, getting in touch with the pain is a liberating act.
  5. See this difficult feeling as a sign of a good heart, soft and tender and loving. You wouldn’t care about being a good person, or a “good enough” person, if you didn’t have a good heart. There is a basic goodness beneath all of our difficulties, and we just need to stay and notice this goodness.
  6. Smile at yourself, and cultivate an unconditional friendliness to all that you see.

Now, I’m not claiming that this is an easy method, nor that it will cure our difficulties in one fell swoop. But it can start to form a trusting relationship with yourself, which can make an amazing difference.

I recommend that you practice this each time you notice self-criticism, self-doubt, unhappiness with yourself, harshness towards what you see in yourself. It only has to take a minute, as you face what you feel and stay with it, with unconditional friendliness.

If you really want to focus on this powerful change, reflect on it once a day by journaling at the end of the day, reviewing how you did and what you can do to remember to practice.

In the end, I think you’ll find that love is a more powerful motivator than unhappiness with yourself. And I hope you’ll find a friendship with yourself that will radiate out into your relationships with everyone else you know and meet.

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The Way to Finding Powerful Human Connection

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By Leo Babauta

As I write this, I’m sitting in cloud-filled rainforest at a retreat in Ecuador, surrounded by the calls of thousands of tropical birds and creatures, dense lush greenery, and some of the most open-hearted human beings I’ve ever met.

Before I came here, I had some anxiety about meeting everyone, worried what they might think of me, worried that I would be awkward at talking to everyone or not fit in. This anxiety made me not want to come. That would have been a huge mistake.

I realized that I was telling myself a story about how bad I am at public speaking, at meeting new people, about how unworthy I am of others liking me. This story was not helpful, and was getting in the way of me doing something with the potential to be amazing. So I asked myself if it was definitely true, and the answer was, “I don’t know.”

That “I don’t know” scares me. I decided I had to look at the “I don’t know” in a different way — so I told myself instead, “I don’t know, and I would love to find out. Who knows what I’ll discover?”

This helped me to get on the plane, and then I was forced to meet an entire group of 24 strangers. And I could see them as 24 people who were potentially going to judge me … or I could see them as fellow human beings, who have aspirations and who struggle, who have love for others and frustration and anger, who want to be better people and who are disappointed in themselves that they are not, who want to make a difference in the world and feel guilty that they procrastinate, who are beautiful but who judge themselves, who are so different from me in many wonderful ways but who at their core have the same tender heart of humanity beating with strength and fragility, just like me.

I met them, and smiled. I felt the anxiety coming up again, but I turned with curiosity to them. I felt myself wanting to run away and be alone and comfortable, but I tried to find their aspirations and struggles.

I opened my heart to them, and they came in with kindness. And changed me. And made the effort of overcoming my fear and anxiety of being judged and failing completely worth the effort, a thousand times over.

Human connection is not so common in our age of connectivity. We see lots of people but find our little cucoons to hide in. We don’t realize we’re craving a deeper connection with others until we find it.

It’s hard to connect, because cultural norms get in the way — we’re supposed to talk about the weather and sports and the news, but not our deepest struggles. We’re supposed to say cool or witty things, but not share our greatest hopes for our lives or the person we want to become.

It’s hard, but human connection is one of the most powerful forces available to us. We don’t realize we thirst for it, but we do, and the thirst is deep. When I find real human connection, it nourishes my soul, changes me, moves me to tears. I can’t count how many times I’ve cried this week. My heart feels raw, in a way that opens it up to further connection.

So how do we connect, when it’s so hard? I’d like to share some thoughts:

  • Put yourself in a place with people with your interests. This retreat is filled with people trying to change their lives and interested in mindfulness. That’s such a rare thing, to be with a group of people like this, but we each made the intentional choice to come here. Find a group like that — at a small conference, a retreat, group meetings, a running club, a tech meetup, anything. Do some online searches for ideas, but say yes to at least one.
  • Overcome your resistance. I always find resistance to meeting up with people, and big resistance to coming to give a presentation and meeting with a bunch of strangers. The resistance can keep us from ever getting out of our comfort zones. Don’t let it. The benefit of connection is so much greater than the resistance that you should push through it.
  • Smile, and be curious. When you meet these scary strangers, open yourself up. Smile, ask them about themselves, try to find out more. People often appreciate a good listener, and questions can start a conversation and keep it going.
  • Share when you can. While listening is better than talking, I’ve found that when I can be vulnerable and share my fears and struggles, people feel they can do the same. This is when you make a real connection, getting below the surface. It takes a little skill to know when you can open up, and how much you can share — you don’t want to share your deepest secrets as soon as you meet, but you can slowly open up, as the other person does the same. Some people are not comfortable opening up, so don’t push it too deep or expect everyone to want to make this kind of connection, but be open to it.
  • Open your heart. These are other human beings in front of you — and they have tender hearts and pain and hope just like you do. Open your heart and see who you find in front of you and appreciate who you find. Be yourself, and trust that you are worthy of others’ love as well. Let others in. Give hugs.
  • Connect in groups and one-on-one. If you’re at a conference or in a big group of 20 or more people, it can be hard to really find connection. I much prefer one-on-one, so I’ll try to turn to someone and start a private conversation if they’re open to it, getting to know them better. I also value small group conversations, from three to six people, and think they can be great bonding experiences and a lot of fun.
  • Don’t hide in your phone. Many of us have the tendency these days to use our phones when we’re in crowded public spaces, but when you’re going somewhere (like a conference) that has a lot of people, it’s a big mistake to shut yourself off. Instead, seek interaction, even if you feel awkward about it. I like to start off with a simple question, or sometimes with a simple joke that diffuses the tension.
  • Practice makes you better and more comfortable at it. I’m certainly not the world’s best conversationalist, nor the most comfortable talking in a group. However, I’m better now than I have been in the past, because I’ve been purposefully practicing over the last decade or so. I still have a long way to go. But it’s amazing to see the progress I’ve made, and the more I do it, the less nervous I get.
  • Use each other do dive deeper and find clarity. If you can have good one-on-one conversations, or even small group talks, challenge each other to go deeper into your struggles and challenges, aspirations and life purposes. You’ll often find a lot of clarity in these talks.
  • Use each other for continued support. I often offer to give someone accountability if they say they’ve been struggling to deal with a habit. Or if we’re both struggling with something, we might try to support each other’s efforts to overcome the struggle in the near future.
  • Make an effort to keep in touch. If you make a real human connection, find a way to keep up the conversation, and even meet again in person if it’s possible. If it’s not possible, make a skype date so you can talk face-to-face.

I don’t pretend to have all the answers, nor to be any kind of expert. I still get nervous and awkward. But these ideas have helped me, and I hope they help you. Because simple connections with wonderful human beings have changed my life this week, and the power of the love from these connections has left me completely devastated.

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How to Live a Meaningful Life Without Money Worries

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We can’t deny the fact that we need money. We need money to pay our bills. We also need it to advance in our lives (e.g. for education). But what is the right way to treat money? How can we live a meaningful life without money worries?

I believe this quote by Jonathan Swift gives us a good answer:

A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart.

I like this quote. In my opinion, it captures the essence of how our attitude toward money should be. Money should be in your head, but not in your heart.

What does it mean?

First, it means that you should think about money and treat it in a rational way. You should think about how to make money. More importantly, however, you should think about how to manage it. There are many people who make a lot of money but live in a financial mess because they can’t manage it.

Second, it means that money shouldn’t be your main motivation. It shouldn’t be the main thing that drives your decisions. If it does, you might be wealthy on the outside, but feel empty on the inside. There is only one way to live a meaningful life: by contributing to a cause that you care about.

Here are four tips to help you apply the principle:

1. Find your cause.

What dissatisfaction do you have about the world that you can do something about? What is the place where you want to and can make a difference?

In my case, it bothers me to see people (including myself) live below their full potential. That’s my cause in starting this blog. I want to help people reach their full potential. This gives me a sense of purpose.

You can apply this to your work. Ask yourself: what can I contribute? How can I make a difference?

2. Make your cause your motivation.

After finding your cause, make it your motivation. Make it your main reason for doing things. I can assure you: this will make you excited because you have a sense of purpose.

3. Educate yourself in personal finance.

When it comes to dealing with money, the first thing you should do is educate yourself. A good resource for this is Investopedia. Read the articles there and you will have a good foundation.

4. Build a system for your personal finance.

Based on what you learn in personal finance, you should then build a system to manage your money. The system will help you manage your money in a rational way.

Your system should include tracking your expenses. This is important to help you make rational decisions. Do you know how much money you spent last month? And do you know exactly what you spent it on? Start tracking your expenses if you haven’t.

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You should put money in your head, but not in your heart. By applying the tips above, you will get the best of both worlds: you will live a meaningful life without money worries.

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15 Simple Ways to Spread Happiness and Kindness Around You

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15 Simple Ways to Spread Happiness and Kindness Around You

“Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.”
Eleanor Roosevelt

“Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.”
Albert Schweitzer

“A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees.”
Amelia Earhart

A very simple way to spread more happiness in your own little world is through kindness. It’s often an easy and quick thing you can do as you move through your daily life.

But we sometimes forget about it. Or don’t remember how it can help us all.

Three things that I like to keep in mind and that help me to try to be a kinder person are these:

  • I get what I give. Yep, some people will be ungrateful, miserable and not reciprocating no matter what you may do. But most people will over time treat you as you treat them.
  • By being kinder to others I am more likely to be kinder to myself. It may sound a bit odd but my experience is that when I am kinder towards others then my self-esteem goes up.
  • It creates a happier place to live in. Being kinder simply makes my own little world a nicer and happier place to live in.

So how can you start spreading the kindness and happiness in your daily life?

Here are 15 simple ways to do it.

Pick one of them that resonates with you and start using it today.

1. Express your gratitude. 

Think about what you can be grateful for about someone in your life. Maybe that he is a good listener, that he often is quick to help out or that he always adds great songs to a Spotify playlist. Or simply that he held up the door for you.

Then express that gratitude in a simple “thank you!” or in a sincere sentence or two.

2. Replace the judgments. 

No one likes to be judged. And the more you judge other people the more you tend to judge yourself. So despite the temporary benefit of deriving pleasure from the judgments it is not a good or smart long-term habit.

When you feel the urge to judge ask yourself: what is one kind thing I can think or do in this situation instead?

3. Replace the unconstructive criticism. 

Try encouragement instead of excessive criticism. It helps people to both raise their self-esteem and to do a better job.

And it will make things more fun and more light-hearted in the long run.

4. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. 

It is quite easy to resort to unkindness when you see things just from your perspective. Two questions that help me to see and to better understand other viewpoints are:

  • How would I think and feel it if I were in his or her shoes?
  • What parts of this person can I see in myself?

5. Recall how people’s kindness made you feel.

Just sit down for a few minutes and try to recall one time or a few times when other people’s kindness really touched you and helped you out.

Then think about how you can do those very same things for someone in your life.

6. Express kindness for something you may often take for granted.

It is easy to remember and to feel motivated to express kindness when someone is having a rough time or have just finished an important project.

But also remember to express kindness for how someone continues to put so much love into the dinners you eat. Or for being on time every day and doing their job well and keeping deadlines.

7. Hide a surprising and kind note.

Leave a small note with a loving or encouraging sentence in your partner’s or child’s lunchbox, hat, tea-container or book that he or she is reading right now.

That minute of your time will put a smile on her face and joy and motivation in her heart.

8. Just be there.

Listen – without thinking about something else – when someone needs to vent.

Just be there fully with your attention. Or have a conversation and help someone find his or her way out of fear and to a more constructive and grounded perspective.

9. Remember the small acts of kindness too.

Let someone into your lane while driving. Let someone skip ahead of you in a line if he’s in a real hurry. Hold up the door for someone or ask if they need help when you see them standing around with a map and a confused look.

10. Give someone an uplifting gift.

Someone in your life may have a bit of a tough time right now. Then send him or her an inspirational book or movie. Or simply send an email with a link to something inspiring or funny that you have found like a blog, podcast or a comic.

11. Help someone out practically.

Give them a hand when moving or with making dinner or arrangements before a party. If they need information, then help out by googling it or by asking knowledgeable people that you know.

12. Help the people in your life see how they make a difference in their lives.

When you talk to someone about his or her day or what has been going on lately then make sure to point out how he or she also has spread kindness and happiness. People are often unaware of the positive things they do or they minimize them in their own minds.

So help them to see themselves in a more positive light and to improve their own self-esteem.

13. Remember the 3 reasons for kindness at the start of this article.

It will help you to be kinder even when you may not always feel much like it. If you like, write those reasons down on a piece of paper and put that note where you can see it every day.

14. Pay it forward.

When someone does something kind for you – no matter how big or small – then try to pay that forward by being kind to someone else as soon as you can.

15. Be kinder towards yourself.

Then you will naturally treat other people with more kindness too. It is truly a win-win habit.

A simple way to start being kinder toward yourself is to each evening write down 3 things you appreciate about yourself and about what you have done that day in a journal.

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Just 24 Hours to Go to Get a 30% Discount on Any of My Courses

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First off, thank you for all your kind emails and messages about the anniversary!

Now, there are only 24 hours to go until the 10 year website anniversary offer expires. So if you are interested in that then now is the time to take action.

Until 1.00 p.m EDT (that’s 17.00 GMT) Wednesday the 2nd of November you can get any of my products at a 30% discount.

Click here to learn more about the offer and my courses and guides

 

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Soaking in the Wonder of the Emerging Moment

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By Leo Babauta

Lately I’ve been using the image of an empty cup to find a more peaceful state of mind.

One of the most peaceful, meditative states is when you’re just open to noticing what’s around you and happening in the present moment. You’re just receiving the world around you (yourself included), soaking in the light, colors, shapes, sounds, touch sensations, just noticing.

When you’re completely open to noticing this moment, it can be amazing — you notice things you wouldn’t have if you were in your normal dream state, you start to appreciate little details of everything around you. Most of us miss this almost all of the time. We all walk around in a trance, thinking about what we need to do, spinning stories about what’s happening.

Here’s the thing: if our minds are full of thoughts and stories already, we actually can’t notice the present moment. We can’t see what’s all around us, when we’re caught up in our normal dreamlike state.

You can’t fill a cup up with the present moment, when it’s already full.

So I have been practicing emptying out my cup.

I notice that I have an emotional state or story that has filled my mind and is blocking me from noticing what’s in front of me.

I let all of that flow out of the cup of my mind.

And then I soak in the present moment, noticing the physical sensations of everything around me. Noticing my body and how it feels. Noticing what’s flowing through my mind.

Then, of course, I get caught up in my thoughts again. When I notice this, I empty my cup. I soak in the moment. Then once again, I get caught up, I empty my cup, I soak in the moment.

Over and over, I empty my cup. And that leaves me open to whatever is happening right now, the wonder-filled beauty and joy of the emerging moment.

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It’s the 10th Website Anniversary (So You Get 30% Off on All My Courses for the Next 72 Hours)

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10 Years10 years ago I started this website.

Just as a fun experiment and with no other thought in mind but to share my thoughts on personal development and get a couple of dozen – or perhaps hundred – of readers.

Things have changed a lot since then. This fun little thing grew.

I was fortunate enough to be able to build a small business around it that I’ve been working on full-time for the past few years.

Millions of people have passed by the website and many have come back again and again.

I have gotten more supportive emails and blog comments than I can count (and quite a few physical letters, postcards and other gifts in my letterbox over the years from all corners of the world).

So I want to thank you so much for reading, for your uplifting support, for sharing how what I have written has helped you, for passing along something you read and liked to a friend, for the helpful criticism and for adding your own wonderful and useful insights to the things I write about.

And I want to do something fun to celebrate this anniversary and to thank you for all your kindness and help over these 10 years.

So you can get any of my 7 digital and downloadable courses and guides at a 30 percent discount for the next 72 hours.

This special offer is only available until 1.00 p.m EDT (that’s 17.00 GMT) Wednesday the 2nd of November.

I’m off to celebrate a bit with my wife now, have a wonderful autumn day and check out the information below to learn more about the courses and guides.

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You can get any of these downloadable courses and guides with one of the major credit cards or money in your Paypal or Amazon account.

The Stop Worrying Today Course

swt_310cMy latest course on reducing and learning to handle worries is now open again for registration and will stay that way until this promotion is over on Wednesday.

In this 7-week course you’ll learn how to:

  • Start your day with a morning routine that only takes a few minutes and will get you off to a day of less worries popping up in the first place.
  • Use the same small, 3-step method I use to put a stop to a worry in about 2 minutes so that I can relax and fully put my focus and energy into what I want.
  • Work through and overcome persistent worries by using a step-by-step exercise that will help you to finally see the situation and what you can do about it with clear eyes.

And plenty more. The updated version of the course also includes 6 new bonuses I created over the summer.

Click here to learn more and to join the Stop Worrying Today Course for just $25.90 (regular price is $37)

The Stop Procrastinating Now Course

Stop Procrastinating NowMy course on one of the most common issues people face is now open again for registration and will stay that way until Wednesday.

In this 10-week course you’ll learn how to:

  • Understand the 7 basic reasons for procrastination. So you can understand yourself better and where you need put your attention.
  • Find the crucial balance between doing fully focused work and having plenty of guilt-free rest and play.
  • Setup your daily work environment in just a few minutes to keep the distractions to a minimum and your focus sharp.
  • Overcome the 4 fundamental fears that drive us to procrastination step-by-step. So you can take action on what you deep down want and not be held back any longer.

And a lot more. The updated version of the course also includes 6 additional bonuses.

Click here to learn more and to join the Stop Procrastinating Now Course for just $32.90 (regular price is $47)

The Self-Esteem Course

This 12-week program has over the past 4 years been my most popular course.

In it you’ll learn how to:

  • Deep down feel like you truly trust yourself to be able to handle life and making the important decisions and that you deserve to have and to get more good and awesome things in your life.
  • Finally lay off and overcome your own most self-critical and most self-esteem damaging thought habits such as perfectionism and comparing yourself to others.
  • Learn to handle mistakes, failure and criticism in healthy way that preserves your self-esteem.

Plus a whole lot more. The course includes one written guide, one audio version of that guide and one worksheet for each of the 12 weeks.

Click here to learn more and to join the Self-Esteem Course for just $25.90 (regular price is $37)

The Smart Social Skills Course

The Smart Social Skills Course is all about improving your social skills and relationships.

In this 12-week course you will learn how to:

  • Be calmly confident in any kind of social situation.
  • Overcome shyness and social nervousness so that you can have the inner freedom to create the social life you want.
  • Find more happiness, fun and enjoyment in both new and old relationships and in your daily conversations.

And much, much more. The regular price for this course is $37 but you can get it for $25.90.

Click here to learn more and to join The Smart Social Skills Course

The Invincible Summer – A Course in Optimism

isummer_banner_smallestIn this 8-week course you’ll learn how to go from being stuck in negativity to becoming an action-taking optimist.

You’ll discover how to:

  • Keep your enthusiasm up and to keep going despite setbacks, mistakes and failures.
  • Build an environment of optimism around you that will open up your life and mind.
  • Overcome the destructive victim mentality and self-doubt.

The discounted price is $18.90 (regular price $27).

Click here to learn more about The Invincible Summer – A Course in Optimism and to join it

31 Days to a Simpler Life Course

This course is designed to make you think about how you live your life.

But more importantly, it’s designed to make you DO things. To do one task each day for 31 days to simplify your life step by step.

31 Days to a Simpler Life will for example help you to keep your focus on what is truly most meaningful and important in your life. It will help you to declutter your home, workspace and other cluttered areas in your life. And to uncomplicate your social life and schedule.

The discounted price for this course is $18.90 (regular price $27).

Click here to learn more about 31 Days to a Simpler Life and join the course

The Art of Relaxed Productivity

The Art of Relaxed ProductivityThe Art of Relaxed Productivity is all about becoming a more focused person and getting more of the most important things done with less stress.

In it you’ll learn how to:

  • Use your attention and focus in a way that helps you to achieve what you want at work, in school and life.
  • Get out of the overwhelm and stress of living in today’s society and at the same time get the most important things done consistently every day.
  • Improve your self-discipline so that you keep moving towards what you want not just once in a while, but every day.

The Art of Relaxed Productivity usually costs $27 but you can get during the anniversary for just $18.90.

Click here to learn more about the Art of Relaxed Productivity and to get your copy

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Relax Into the Moment

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By Leo Babauta

You might be surprised how often we’re resisting life.

If you assess your body right now, I bet you can find some kind of tension or tightness. For me, it’s often in my chest, but sometimes it’s in my jaw, face, neck or shoulders.

Where does this tightness come from? We’re struggling against something — perhaps we’re irritated by someone, frustrated by something, stressed or overwhelmed by all we have to do, or just don’t like whatever it is we’re faced with. This causes a resistance, a hardening or tightening. Everyone does it, most of the day.

It’s normal, but it causes unhappiness, an aversion to the present moment, struggles with other people or ourselves, struggles with the task we’re faced with. What I’ve found useful is the idea of relaxing into the moment.

Try this:

  • Notice where the tension is in your body right now.
  • Notice what you’re tightening against — it might be someone else, or whatever it is you’re faced with.
  • Relax the tightness. Just let yourself melt.
  • Face the same situation, but with a relaxed, friendly attitude.

And repeat as often as you can remember, throughout the day. Just use the phrase “relax into the moment” to remind yourself.

What this does is helps us to face the day with less tension and greater contentment. We struggle less with how other people are, and instead might open our hearts to them and see that they, like us, are struggling and want to be happy.

We might face a task with less resistance, and instead do it with a smile. We might just notice the physical space around us and start to appreciate it for the unique gift that it is. And in the end, we’re changing our mode of being from one of struggle and resistance to one of peace and gratitude.

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A Simple Framework for Maximizing Happiness at Work

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I’m a curious person with a wide range of interests. I’m interested in computer programming, writing, personal development, and business. I’m also interested in a few other fields that I haven’t mentioned.

A question that often arises in my mind is this: how should I manage these different interests?

I recently found an answer by reading a summary of The Da Vinci Curse. The goal of the book is to help those who have many interests but can’t determine which ones to focus on. It includes a framework to help them manage their interests and the corresponding opportunities.

The framework—called the BCG matrix—was originally created by Boston Consulting Group to help companies allocate their resources, but the book adapted it to individuals as well.

The framework classifies your activities into four groups based on their financial and fulfillment potential:

  • Dogs: activities that can give you neither wealth nor fulfillment.
  • Cows: activities that can give you wealth but not fulfillment.
  • Question Marks: activities that can give you fulfillment but not wealth.
  • Stars: activities that can give you both wealth and fulfillment.

Let’s take a look at what you should do with each of them. Here are the recommended actions:

  • Eliminate Dogs. Activities in this category are the worst ones because they give you nothing. So obviously you must eliminate them.
  • Prioritize Stars. Activities in this category are the best ones because they give you both wealth and fulfillment. So you should invest most of your resources here.
  • Eliminate Cows. This might be surprising, but the book recommends you to eliminate them. They may give you money, but if they are not fulfilling, then they aren’t worth spending your time on.
    I know this is not easy to do, especially if you need the money from these activities. My recommendation is to not eliminate them right away. Instead, I recommend you to first build a side project out of your Star activities. Then, when the side project becomes mature, you can eliminate the Cows.
  • Nurture Question Marks. This recommendation is also a bit surprising to me. It means that you shouldn’t neglect certain interests just because they aren’t profitable. Instead, you should still develop them while looking for ways to make them profitable.

I like this framework. In my opinion, it’s a good framework for maximizing your happiness at work. If your goal is just maximizing your income, however, it’s not optimal since it recommends that Cows should be eliminated.

The BCG Matrix framework helps me classify my interests. Since I’m already interested in these things, there are only two possible categories for them: Question Marks or Stars.

I’m lucky because I have two Stars: blogging and app development. I started this blog as a side project because I’m passionate about it, but it has also allowed me to quit my day job. I also love developing apps, and it has given me some income as well.

What’s eye opening for me is the book’s suggestion on Question Marks. Don’t eliminate them. Instead, keep working on them while looking for ways to make them profitable.

This suggestion makes me think again about game development. Game development is something I’m passionate about that I have put on the shelf because it’s not profitable. I loved making games in my high school and college years. And—after not making games for years—I built and released an iPhone game in 2014. It wasn’t profitable though, so I no longer make games.

I’m now thinking about it again. Maybe I should do game development just for fun while looking for ways to make it profitable.

What about you? Have you found your Stars? What about your Question Marks? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.

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Little Changes Can Make a Huge Difference

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By Leo Babauta

When I’m feeling down, I make a list of what’s contributing to the down-ness:

  • Didn’t get enough sleep
  • Overwhelmed by too much to do
  • Not exercising or eating well
  • Got in an argument with someone
  • Feeling uncertainty about something

So there might be five different factors contributing to a funk. That’s a lot of things to deal with at once, and so it can be depressing to think about all the things I need to fix in order to feel better.

I can’t fix everything at once, so I just start with one step. I meditate for a couple minutes.

Then I take on another step: I make a list of what I need to do. Pick a few I can do today. A few I can do tomorrow. Vow to focus on the first one on the list.

Another step: go for a walk, get my body moving.

Then another step: talk to the person I had an argument with, in a loving, compassionate way.

Suddenly, with these small steps, I’m starting to feel better.

I spend a little time with my son, playing with him, reading with him.

I take a nap.

I eat a healthy meal.

I meditate on my uncertainty, staying with it as long as I can, with compassion and friendliness.

I go to bed early, and try to get a good night’s sleep.

I focus on one small work task at a time.

And with each step, my mood improves. One step at a time, I help myself feel better.

These are small steps, taken one at a time, with as much presence as I can muster. And they make all the difference in the world.

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