Anxiety disorders all have acute fear and/or nervousness as the predominant symptom. They are disturbingly common, affecting millions of people. Generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, panic attacks and separation anxiety all come under the collective umbrella term. The reason for anxiety disorders is not agreed, however, they could be causedby differences in brain circuits that regulate fear and extreme emotions. The brain has elasticity; trauma, or long-lasting stress, can affect the activity in our brains. Neuroplasticity means that there are ways to help alleviate (and sometimes eliminate) the symptoms of anxiety disorders.

Here are ten suggestions to help you on your road to recovery:

Seek medical advice – Medications, sometimes, ease the symptoms. However, they are not a cure. GoodGP’s will refer you for talking therapies, or provide you with information on support groups, also.  Be careful if choosing to take medication. Take in accordance with guidelines. Be aware of side effects.Be wary of any that are addictive.

See an alternative health practitioner– Many people turn to complementary heath practitioners, especially if they are not comfortable with Western medicines. Acupuncture can be effective for lessoning symptoms of anxiety. Studies show solution focused hypnotherapy can be as productive as a course of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

See a Psychotherapist – Psychotherapy is a supported way of working through unresolved traumas, or stresses. The space created by a great therapist is safe and contained, encouraging you to explore and reflect upon your feelings. Psychotherapy aids in understanding, and managing, particular triggers and helps you develop resilience and coping strategies.

Practice Mindfulness – Mindfulness is proven to significantly calm symptoms. Mindfulness encourages knowledge of the mind, soothes thoughts and brings oneself into the present moment (where we are distracted from our fears). Mindfulnesswill also help manage the physiological reactions in the body that occur when we are anxious and afraid.

Meditate –Ten minutes a day of deep breathing can be effective. If your mind is racing, and you feel restless at first, don’t think you are ‘doing it wrong’. By sitting quietly, and focusing on your breath, you will notice the endless chatter, and become reflective about the stories that your mind tells. By slowing your breathing, your nervous system re-sets into a calmer state of being. You can use this technique at any time.

Spend time in nature – There is a life force evident in the natural environment that is more powerful and profound than us, and our worried minds. Being in nature is restorative and calming. We are not bombarded with stimulants, or activities, that can provoke agitation. It creates a feeling of space that expands our awareness, takes us out of the nuances of our daily lives, and into a sense that there is something bigger than us, and our problems. Fresh air increases oxygen in the body and enhances well-being.

Diet and Nutrition – Diet is essentialto the balance of the body. As many hormones are created in the gut, and then send messages to the brain, our physical health and the food we eat has a direct impact on our mental health. Avoid completely caffeinated products, or other stimulants such as sugar and nicotine. Instead, introduce foods that are high in B and D vitamins. Eat oily fish and leafy greens at least three times a week.

Exercise – Exercise instantaneously changes mood and encourages long-term health and confidence. Cortisol levels (a hormone associated with stress) are highest in the morning. A twenty-minute stint, not long after waking, will do you wonders. If that is difficult at first, try twenty minutes, three to five times a week. Mix cardiovascular exercisewith low impact stretching. Find something you enjoy. Exercise will release endorphins and ease tension.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy –Referrals can be made by doctors; work -books are online. CBT changes the troublesome neural pathways by challenging you to think about your fear and anxiety in different ways. It encourages new thought patterns, and goal setting, to transform the way you relate to the world. CBT is practical. You have exercises and strategies to use whenever you need them.

Support groups –Support from peers is powerful. This can be a good way to face some fears, gently, and at your own pace, in order to overcome them. The group will offer you understanding and encouragement in a non-judgmental way. It’s beneficial to know that you are not alone with your illness.

Deep breathing –During moments of increasing panic, or high agitation, try putting one hand on your stomach and taking some long, deepbreaths. This can be done anywhere. You want to de-activate the ‘fight or flight’ system, which believes you’re in danger. Taking slow, calming breaths will activate the parasympathetic nervous system. This is our basic, resting state. We want to encourage this often.

Muscle relaxation – There is a feedback loop between the mind and body. When highly anxious, your body responds by preparing itself for ‘fight or flight’. Blood flows to your muscles preparing them for battle. Release tension by clenching your muscles really hard. Then let go. You can also shake –seriously! Shaking your whole body loosens muscles and releases trauma and trapped emotion.

This post is contributed by Ron McDiarmid, who is the founder of My Healthy Living Coach. Having had health challenges along the way Ron was keen to share the research and learning he gathered. Through MHLC this continued into a current presentation of healthy lifestyle choices and how to implement them. Check out his website at http://ift.tt/1xvlA3J.

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The storyteller in our heads is so used to being judgmental, cruel and even vicious, telling us not only that we did something wrong (this is guilt), but that we are bad and wrong (this is shame).  And it influences our lives from underneath our everyday awareness, keeping us cut off from the vast and healing regions of our own hearts.  I used to have an extremely cruel judger inside of me and as I began to be curious about it, listening to what it was saying, I discovered that the judger never sees things clearly.

There are 3 things that can help you to unhook from the voices of guilt and shame:

1.  Relate to, not from, your shame

It helps to understand that Life is in charge of Life.  Life puts you in situations to help you see your shame and all of the other states, so you can learn to relate to them rather than from them.  So, how can you relate to these stories and begin to heal your shame?  By being curious about what is here rather than trying to change, numb or bury the feelings.   The healing you long for happens when you can be with what is.  It is not easy, especially feelings of shame, because the stories in your head can be very seductive.  Your unconscious mind really and truly believes that you are only okay if you do life perfectly.  Of course, perfectly is a very relative position.  Perfect to one person is not perfect to another.  The more you wake up, the more you see that everything is exactly as it needs to be.  It is never about what is going on at the surface.  It is always about what is going on underneath.

2.  Be curious and compassionate with the judger

Judging has been a key part of your survival system.  You were conditioned to think this way when you were very young.  You can learn to be curious by asking the question, “What does this bring up inside of me?” and then you can bring compassion to the parts that need your attention right now.  “Oh, the judger is here.  I see you.  You are the one who believes I am doing it wrong (or I am wrong).”  The only power the judger has over you is when you think it is the voice of truth.  But it is not.  You can learn how to see this judging quality in your head rather than believing what it is saying.  You can even move beyond judging this judger!

As you become curious, you can learn to unhook from these states, or what I call spells.   The next time something happens in your life that brings up feelings of shame, ask yourself the question, “What are the stories that my shame voice is believing right now?”  Remember, it is a process.  In discovering the phenomenal healing power of being curious and compassionate , you will have access to it and then you forget, and then you remember at a deeper level and you forget, and you go to an even deeper level of remembering and then you forget, only to remember again.  That is how life teaches us.

3.  Tune into your body and feel the shame

You have probably buried most of your shame your entire adult life and have tried to pretend it doesn’t exist, or in some cases, you may not even be aware it exists.  But it does.  As you are awakening, Life is bringing you very uncomfortable experiences for a reason.  They are tailor-made for you, custom-designed so that your feelings will come out of hiding and you can say “I see you.”   When this happens, tune into your body and ask yourself, “Where in my body do I feel the shame?  Is it in my belly?”  Say hello to the tight belly and soften.  Put your hand gently on your belly and say, “I see you.”  If it is in your neck, back, or shoulders, give these tight, uncomfortable places your attention.  Maybe even give them a little massage now and then.  Be gentle with yourself.  These are moments of healing.

The next time something happens in your life that brings up feelings of shame, ask yourself this question, “How can I be with this feeling right now?”  And then say hello to the one who feels he/she is bad and wrong.

Image – Leaded Glass Panel by Seattle Artist Paula Stokes (in collaboration with Eric Mead)  www.paulastokes.com 

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In my own marriage, money issues started really early on in our relationship. Being very young and without any sort of savings, my new husband surprised me with a brand new mountain bike for my birthday. I mean, it was a super sweet gift but… the money had come out of our joint banking account which barely had enough in it to cover the month’s expenses.

And so our journey began.

With me holding on tight to any cash that came in, terrified to release control and loose the feelings of safety it gave me, and my husband having a more optimistic, easy-going attitude about money, enjoying the sense of freedom it provided.

It’s easy to see where this was headed…

So after years of struggling with this issue, I want to share with you the top 3 mistakes we made and what you can do differently to avoid all the struggle we experienced!

 Mistake #1: Not talking about our history with money

This is the biggest and most common mistake that couples make when it comes to finances. It’s really human nature to think that the way we feel about an issue is the way everyone thinks about it! But, the truth is that you come to the table with different experiences and messages about money, mostly from you childhood. And these pre-conceived ideas can dictate your fears and spending behavior, more than you ever thought possible.

Solution:

Ask yourself a few questions: What did I learn from my parents about money? Did one of my parents control the finances? Was I rewarded or punished with money as a child? How do I feel when there is money in the bank vs just getting by?

By having a curious and non-judgmental approach to this investigation, you are able to take a step back from the heated cycle and understand why you might be reacting a certain way.

Encourage your spouse to do the same and share your insights with each other, continuing with the curious and open-minded approach to promote understanding and avoid criticism.

Mistake #2: Not creating a budget and a system to track expenses

I totally get it. The thought of making a budget isn’t exactly the most exciting idea and often gets shoved into the never-gets-done “to-do” list. When money is tight, you want to avoid looking at your bank account because it’s a scary place and when there is a bit more wiggle room, you don’t think you need a budget! What a predicament.

But let me tell you this: agreeing on a budget and including items that both you and your partner feel are important, is the quickest way to curb fights about money. This set you up as a team, with a common goal in mind.

Solution:

Make a budget. Doesn’t get easier than this. Look at your last month’s spending to determine some realistic category amounts, tally up your incomes and balance the budget to zero every month (hopefully adding in a bit of savings).

Then take the most critical step to ensuring success and discuss how to keep track of your expenses. There are many options for this including using cash in envelopes, using an App on your phones or updating a spreadsheet every week. This step will require the most patience and persistence because you might need to try many different methods before you find one that really sticks.

And, hey, why not treat yourself after one month of staying on budget?

Mistake #3: Not looking at the facts together when fights began

Often in a marriage, you have one spouse who is a saver and one who is a spender. And as you can imagine, the saver usually is a bit more pessimistic about the bank balance while the spender has a more optimistic outlook.

This also applies to how much is being spent every month. Does one spouse like to grab a coffee and muffin before work and downplay the monthly cost, causing them to ignore their partner’s request to eat breakfast at home?

Without looking at the actual facts, the argument just escalates and any hope of a solution goes out the window.

Solution:

Whenever you find yourself in a disagreement about money, ask yourself if there are facts you could look at which would help you arrive at an understanding about the reality of the situation.

Fighting about if you can afford an upcoming vacation? Look at the facts: how much you have saved or can in the future and how much the trip will realistically cost. Nothing more to fight about!

Arguing over one partner’s gambling habit? Tally up how much has been spent (and won) in the last three months to discover how hard it’s impacting your bank balance.

Take the personal opinion out of it and then you can more forward together, making sacrifices and choices that are rooted in reality.

To find more tips like these, visit Janna’s blog at http://ift.tt/1FvTRlD or join the free “Transform your Marriage in 7 Days” Challenge to discover how you can change your marriage without even saying a word to your spouse about it!

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We all could use a little “self-help.” And that is probably the reason that the “self-help” sections of book stores are so large – everyone has a program or plan to sell us – one that will change our lives forever! The problem with many of these books are that they are:

• Boring and long
• Impractical for a large segment of the population
• Focus on theory and principles rather than “nuts and bolts” suggestions

So, as I look at “motivational” literature, my picks are those books that have the following traits:

• They are short and, if not, they have enough anecdotes and examples to keep the reader interested
• They offer practical advice – methods by which the reader can change his/her attitudes, thinking or behaviors right now
• Suggestions for improvement are actually realistic – things that all of us can incorporate into our daily lives right away

The other issue with motivational books is that there are just so many of them “out there.” And often, people who want and need to makes changes in their have a tendency to buy one after another, thinking that each new find will have the “magic bullet” to change their lives. The reality is this: if you continue to buy motivational books, even if you actually read them all, you become completely scattered. The way to make changes is to find that one book that “speaks” to you best, forget about all of the others, and focus on the advice that it gives. Read it, read it, and keep reading it (or at least passages of it) on a daily basis. Nothing will “stick” unless you do this.

With all of this in mind, here are my picks for motivational books that have some diversity but that may spark something in you. If one of them does, settle into it exclusively.

You Can Win: by Shiv Khera (1998)

The most famous quote from this book is, “Winners don’t do different things; they do things differently.” While the theme is quite typical, success is built through personal growth, Khera is nonetheless pretty practical about it all. He outlines 7 steps to building self-confidence that are pretty practical; he provides exercises and tools for turning weaknesses into strengths, and emphasizes the concept of “doing the right things for the right reasons.” The book is filled wilI great stories that will hold the readers interest and that model the advice he gives.

 

The Power of Positive Thinking: by Norman Vincent Peale

This book is not for the faint of heart, because it is rather long and the style is of the 1950’s. It may also not be for those who have a purely secular approach to life. But if you can get over those possible drawbacks, there are principles and very practical suggestions for turning thought and attitude around. For example, if you are feeling depressed, like a failure, or that you have been a victim, make a list of all the blessings in your life. Compare those blessings to the starving child in Ethiopia or the homeless drug addict on the street. This one practical suggestion is the reason why I have a large sign on my refrigerator door still today with just one word – “Gratitude.” I see it several times a day, and it is a constant reminder to follow Peale’s advice.

 

Who Ate My Cheese?” by Spencer Johnson

Change is inevitable, and I this century it is coming faster than we would ever have envisioned. Our inability to accept and adjust to change is what according to the author, creates unhappiness, stress, and lack of success. The principles of dealing with change, such as learning how to anticipate it and thus prepare for it, are taught through a parable of mice and little people, and the cheese (one’s environment, goals, relationships, etc.) continue to be “moved.” How we respond will determine our happiness and success. This is a short, snappy read, with some great lessons.

 

Fish: by Steven Lundin

What a great book! It is the fictional tale of a young woman who is suddenly widowed and is the manager of a department that has worst reputation of the entire company – it is unproductive, workers are unhappy, and no one is invested in their task responsibilities. The woman happens to visit Pike Place Fish Market, and things quickly change. If you are unfamiliar with this fish market, it is internationally famous for the fun and laughter (and throwing fish) in the workplace. The department manager ultimate learns the lessons that make the fish market so successful and implements them in her own department with amazing results. There are four basic principles at play here, and they have actually been adopted by well-known companies, such as Southwest Airlines. A great read!

 

The Butterfly Effect: by Andy Andrews

In the 1960’s, a meteorologist proposed the “butterfly effect” to a room of his colleagues, and was laughed off of the stage. His idea was this: in flapping its wings, a butterfly moves molecules of air which in turn move more molecules of air, and so on until weather patterns are created. Andrews has taken this principle and translated to our lives, to show us that our lives do matter. If you ask yourself the question, “What if I had never been born?” how many other lives would be different today? The major point is that everything you do matters to someone and you may never know how much. This is a short, compelling read. (By the way, contemporary physicists now accept the “butterfly effect”).

 

Happiness of Pursuit: by Chris Gillebean

This is a book about “questing.” While most of us will never pursue the quests of this author, there are great truths to be learned and very practical steps to be taken to become a “quester” in one’s own environment or to develop the courage to launch a new quest in our lives. The book features short narratives of “questers” from all societal sectors, as it speaks to the basic definition of a “quest” and how we can all find ours.

 

7 Habits of Highly Successful People: by Steven Covey

We all fall into one of three categories – dependent, independent and interdependent. According to Covey, success comes from interdependence – the ability to collaborate with others to achieve something that we would not be able to achieve alone. From here, he defines and explains the 7 habits that are formed when we are interdependent – habits that make us highly successful in both our work and personal lives. This may not be as fun a read as some other books on this list, but there are practical, realistic methods by which we can change ourselves from within and develop those 7 habits.

 

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff: by Dr. Richard Carlson

Carlson addresses the overwhelming tendency we have to let the small things consume our lives, so that we neglect the big, important stuff. This is a very thoughtful piece with realistic tools to calm down when life is harried and stressful. A lot of the suggestions focus on small changes that we can make in our daily routines and in our responses to others, not the least of which is to get outside our egocentric existence and see the larger picture.

 

The Greatest Salesman in the World: by Og Mandino

Another parable. Hafid, a young man in ancient Jerusalem is facing the death of his mentor, a successful businessman. ON his deathbed, the mentor gives Hafid a set of scrolls, to be opened one a month. In these scrolls are the secrets to success. Hafid is to focus on only one scroll each month, and this is how the habits of personal empowerment are achieved. The firsts scroll begins with, “Today I begin a new life,” and provides practical advice on the giving up of old negative thoughts and habits. This is a short, quick read, and you will not be bored!

 

The Richest Man in Babylon: by George S. Clason

Though this book was published in 1926, the financial principles are universal and timeless. For anyone looking to make some important and basic changes in their personal finances, this parable about money management is a must read. Simple, to the point, practical, and short – better advice than even a financial advisor could give.

John Unger is a professional blogger, who likes literature, traveling and meeting new people!

*List was created in association with Assignment Mountain.

 

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