In 2010, after losing my job and being unable to find another one for close to a year, I fell into a deep depression. During this time I read dozens (maybe a hundred) books on happiness, purpose and meaning, trying to cheer myself up.

Here are ten of the best habits from my research to help you become happier today – even if your life feels like it’s in the dumps.

1. Create your flow list.

One of the things that most helped me during this time period was to track all my happiest moments during the day – even if there were very few. Even if I could only track the few happy moments each week, I did.

When I tracked all of the best moments during the week, initially I found small things: drinking a coffee in the morning, reading a great book, or taking a shower. Gradually the happy things became bigger and more frequent.

Once I figured out which moments were happy and “flow producing” for me, I scheduled more of them into my routine. For me that usually meant spending time each day to read a book in a great café, or taking the time to go for a long walk with my dog.

Whereas I usually found myself thinking about all the things going horribly in my life, I found that if I actually scheduled happiness activities into my routine, I would do them without fail.

2. Stop doing what doesn’t work.

This sounds crazy, but usually if we’re unhappy, we’re feeling stuck in life. Whether that’s due to our relationships or whether that’s due to finances, our job, or just lacking purpose and meaning, something isn’t working.

Whatever aspect of life isn’t working well – let’s say relationships – do an evaluation. Do I keep attracting the same kind of people? Do I keep making the same mistake? Do I keep forgetting to make time for my partner? Whatever isn’t working – stop doing it.

3. Cultivate a happiness diet.

We’re so used to changing our physical diet to improve our physical health, but what about changing our mental and psychological diet for our happiness health?

Think about it.

On a diet, we remove things that don’t help us like Oreos or cakes, and then we add things that do help us – like plants and water.

On a happiness diet, we remove things that aren’t making us happy – like certain people, routines, or schedules.

And then we add things that DO help us become happy – an activity every single day we enjoy, being around more people that inspire us, and filling our mind with things that create happiness and inspiration, not fear.

What things can you add or subtract to your happiness diet?

4. Eliminate energy leaks.

Throughout the day, there are always certain people, places, or activities that are energy leaks.

You know, there are always people filled with negativity, fear, and the latest gossip they’ve found on the television. And there are other people that are filled with inspiration, happiness, and motivation.

How does each person make you feel after you interact with him or her?

How does each situation make you feel after you’re involved in it?

Do certain places or people make you just feel tired after dealing with them?

Another big thing that we sometimes forget is that fear and anxiety are also energy leaks – the more we let them into our mind, the more they exhaust us and prevent us from doing what we have to do to be happy.

5. Replace fear with vision.

Once of the toughest things for me during this rough patch in my life was trying to overcome the constant anxiety and fear that was filling my mind every time I tried to push myself forward.

It seemed like every single time I would take a step forward, one little barrier would get in my way and the massive self doubt would settle in again, “Oh, you’re never going to make it, you don’t know what you’re doing, you don’t deserve this, you’re not progressing fast enough.”

And if I wasn’t careful, the fear itself would crush me, and it would sometimes take a day or longer to recover from it and begin again.

One of the core practices that helped me during this time was visualizing the future I wanted – any time the feeling of fear cropped up. So once I sensed a little bit of self-doubt creeping into my life, I took the time to pause for five minutes, visualize the life I wanted in full detail, and then continue on my way.

This never failed to keep me focused and inspired.

6. Take the first step… even if you can’t see the staircase.

There were so many days, weeks, months and years where I was utterly paralyzed because I couldn’t figure out the exact path that was going to get me to where I wanted to be – all the way there.

And it took me a very long time to realize that we often don’t know step 2 until we take step 1. And the problem is that step 2 doesn’t even reveal itself unless we just start walking.

So sometimes it can be easy to find ourselves overwhelmed and frustrated because we’re living in our mind – trying to figure it all out before we even step.

One of the best kept secrets that a mentor once told me was this: once you take the first step into the dark, enchanted forest, you’ll see exactly where step #2 is.

7. Reframe limitations.

I’ll never forget, a few years back when I was working for someone else, I told myself, “I will never be happy as long as I work for someone else.”

And you know what happened? I never was happy working for someone else – even when I had objectively amazing jobs, great bosses, incredible colleagues with good pay and more. I had poisoned my mind by “promising” to myself (or rather, negatively affirming) that I would never be happy “so long as…”

Sometimes this happens in other aspects of life though. We tell ourselves we’ll never be happy if we’re single. Or we’ll never be happy as long as we’re overweight, or as long as we live in this location.

And those become self-fulfilling prophecies more often than not. One thing that really helped me during this time was writing down all negative self-talk – and then I wrote affirmations that were the exact opposite.

So if I told myself “I’ll never be fully happy single” the affirmation was, “I’m always happy, regardless of whether or not I’m in a relationship.”

8. Create a life changing morning focus routine. 

By far, and I mean by far, one of the biggest things that saved my life when I was in the dumps was a morning routine.

Now I don’t know about you, but for me the morning is often the least focused, and the unhappiest part of the day. My mind wanders. I’m tired. I’m groggy.

There were a few things I started doing that immediately jumpstarted my day and put me on the trajectory I wanted to be on.

Here’s what that looked like:

10 minutes of yoga, which helped me wake up, provided my brain with oxygen, and made the next step easier.

10 minutes of meditation, which helped me start the day with a “clear” head and no negativity in my mind.

10 minutes of visualizing my goals, which allowed me to focus on what I wanted in my life – and made me consider how I could possibly get there.

This three-part morning routine has dramatically impacted my life – and years later I still do this.

9. Think about what you want – not what you don’t want.

When life isn’t going well, it’s extremely easy to think about all the stuff that isn’t going well.

“Ugh, I hate my job.”

“Ugh, did my partner just really say that to me?”

“Ugh, I’m so tired of waking up to this routine I hate.”

Unfortunately, when we do this the mind simply filters out all the good stuff, and keeps us looking for the bad stuff.

Have you ever dated someone for a long time (or been married) and found yourself one day picking out a particular “flaw” the person had – and then all you could see was flaws for days or weeks on end?

The mind is funny like that – when we emphasize what’s not working, we keep finding more things that aren’t working.

But the opposite is also true – when we focus on all the awesome things in life, we begin to see and experience more of them.

10. Make uncertainty known.

One of the things that really prevented me from taking action was overwhelm with all of the things I felt like I could be doing to improve my life, when I was at rock bottom.

“Do I get a new job?”

“Do I make new friends first?”

“Do I pick up some new hobbies?”

Through all of the overwhelm, one exercise helped me immensely: I just wrote down all the things frustrating or confusing me, and I learned that once they were down on paper, they either weren’t as confusing as I thought, or they were not as scary as I thought.

In fact, they usually weren’t that big of a deal. Just by putting my fears on paper it made everything a lot clearer.

When we’re afraid, just by writing down the problem it can help us distance ourselves from it, and get the clarity we need to move forward.

These ten daily habits dramatically improved my life and helped me get through a long period at the bottom – what has helped you?

About Alex: Alex is the founder of Modern Health Monk – an integrative health site that shows busy professionals how to look and feel amazing using the psychology of habit change. You can grab his free guide here: 5 daily habits to help you get your dream body.

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Come on, admit it…

You’re fantasizing about moving abroad and living a life of your dreams, but in reality, you think it’s unachievable, right?

Even though you always wanted to do it, secretly you thought moving abroad is something only retirees could do, or maybe hippies.

Could that really be a great way for you to live your life?

Maybe it’s just a day-dream, a distraction from your daily grind…an ill-fated fantasy that, if you just wait long enough, will disappear on its own?”

And of course you ask yourself that rather nagging question: “How do I make money, buy groceries, and pay my rent and bills-, living abroad? “

In the end, all options considered, you think: “There is no chance in hell I can really pull this off so my family and I will live happily ever after.”

Or is there?

I have no hesitations at all to tell you that:

You have countless opportunities to live the life of your dreams abroad

People often ask me how to make living abroad work for them financially. They’ll agree that the cost of living can be cheaper abroad, but when the wages there are also much lower, they think they won’t be better off than they are now.
But moving abroad doesn’t mean you should rent a cheap place and enter into employment on a starvation salary…That would be ridiculous.
You are not a FOOL and you know there must be better ways…

And there is!

So let’s take a look at three ways you can finance a wonderful life in paradise.

#1 – Being Employed, The Other Kind

“The trick to being employed abroad without sacrificing salary is to avoid working for a local employer who pays local wages. Instead, you want to work for one who pays American dollars on the same base salary you would earn if you were doing your job in North America.“

A definite perk of living in places with a low cost of living and being paid an American salary, – is that your dollar can go much further.

Even better, employees working overseas often get paid more than their equals back home. They enjoy an extra allowance for their inconvenience of acclimatizing to the new country; plus they get other bonuses, like pay for their full move and free flights home.

So now you have some exciting options…

• If you already work for a company who has outlets overseas, find out if you could work at one of those foreign locations.

• Perhaps your company would allow you to work remotely from home; where-ever home is. There is clearly a growing acceptance of remote working among employers.

• Maybe you’re unemployed, or your current employer does not have an overseas opportunity for you. Not a problem…there are plenty of options to find good-paying employment abroad.

For those considering the third option, the following are two good examples of well-paying jobs abroad:

o ESL Teacher
For native English speaker, it is simple to find English teaching gigs. ESL teachers are in high demand in many, often well-paying, locations. The countries that pay the highest wages and offer great benefit packages are: The United Arab Emirates, Saudi Arabia, Oman, Vietnam, and South Korea.

o Yacht Crew
And here, my all-time favorite: Live somewhere in a low cost but beautiful location, and work on a yacht crew or a cruise ship line….how cool is that! You get paid well, you don’t have much chance to spend money on board, and the place where you return to in your off time is so cheap that your money in the bank grows like stink.

#2 – Freelancing, the faraway kind

Freelancing allows you to work only when you need to, or build a thriving career for yourself. By utilizing technology, – (like the Internet) to your benefit, you can run a professional operation without revealing that you may really be sitting on a beach sipping Margaritas.

Here are some work-from-home opportunities you may not have thought about:

o Freelance Writer
As a freelance writer, you have lots of option. You can find work as a copywriter, content manager, or writer and editor for blogs. Or venture out into research, communication management, or online training. Freelance writing is perfect if you have some expertise, experience, and good skills in a popular field.

o Freelance Teacher
As a freelance teacher, you have plenty of opportunities at all grade levels. You can find work writing training materials, providing special needs educational services and, tutoring online. Colleges and universities are your most likely employers.

o Freelance Translator
As a freelance translator, you are in demand. You need a foreign language dictionary, a computer, software, Internet access, and you’re ready to go. The pay is good, and those who can specialize in a less common language or area like finance, the law, or medical can charge even more.

o Health-care
You may live in the U.S., but a transcriptionist in India might type your doctor’s note, a specialist in the U.S. might interpret your test results, and a European top surgeon may lead your surgery by video chat.
Health care is one of the rapidly growing sectors within remote working. Job opportunities are plenty and vary depending on your expertise. Currently, you’ll find most job offers in nursing, therapy, psychiatry, nutrition, transcription and pharmaceutical.

#3 Being Self Employed, The Right Kind

When I talk self-employment in paradise to bring your dreams to life, I’m not talking about becoming a seafood tostada vendor in Mexico, or running a Tuk-Tuk business in Thailand or a Kayak rental in the Caribbean.
No, I’m talking about self-employment that provides you with a maximum level of flexibility, geographic freedom, work schedule, and good income potential…of course I’m talking about an online business.

You can start an online business in many ways, but one popular example is to start a blog.
Blogging itself isn’t really a business, – but rather a podium for business opportunities related to it, like…
• Sell advertising space on your blog,
• Use affiliated marketing to get paid a percentage from sales made through your blog,
• Sell services like consulting or speaking,
• Or sell premium content like webinars, and e-books and such to generate an income.

“Making a full monthly income from blogging will take some time and effort, but the beauty of it is that you can work on it on the side. And once you’ve established a good income stream, the effort will have been worth it. You’ll be able to work on it from wherever you choose.”

Your Dreams of Living Abroad CAN Come True

Having seen these various ways of making a living abroad, do you still doubt you can do it?

Thought not.

So isn’t it finally time to make your dreams a reality?

You can live in paradise and make enough money to enjoy it.

Stop procrastinating on your dreams.

You can start looking for a job abroad, find freelance work, or start a blog right now.

The life of your dreams is waiting for you…

What are you waiting for?

——–

Wilfried Lehmkuhler is passionate about helping people achieve their dreams; create financial Freedom and a Life they love by applying proven success strategies. Wilfried is a blogger, speaker, consultant and accomplished author who has worked with professional athletes and businesses in Europe and North America. You can find him at FinancialFreedomAndALifeYouLove.com or @WLehmkuhler

The post The 3 Top Strategies for Bringing Your Dreams of Living Abroad to Life appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

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Introverts seem to be on the hot seat nowadays.

People are acknowledging that certain people in the world prefer to be alone. They prefer to stay in on weekends, not make conversations, decline invitations to party and even, when they do indeed go to the party, be alone and leave early.

That’s your introvert in a nutshell. I am one myself and I love it.

But how does one really lead a introvert’s life? Do all of the above characteristics equate to happiness?

I don’t think so. There must be a balance. Too much of something or focusing on either extreme end of the spectrum is never good.

Here’s 7 tips for introverts to lead a balanced life

1) Go out once in a while

So maybe you love staying home on weekends, but that doesn’t mean you have to do it every weekend.

I don’t believe that anybody enjoys being alone all the time. We’re human and we need each other. It just depends on how much.

Don’t adhere strictly to the idea that since you’re introverted you should stay home all the time. If you want to head out, then just get out. That’s healthy for you.

2) Indulge in a variety of lonesome activities

I personally go from reading novels, watching TV series, watching movies, watching anime, reading comics to playing video games.

It doesn’t work in the way where you can do one thing only over and over. You have to mix it up otherwise you’re going to get bored and tired.

3) Remember that you’ve to respect others’ opinions

Because they’re doing the best they can to try to understand.

It’s easy to get annoyed and think, “These guys don’t understand introverts! They’re so stupid! I’m better than them!”

Nah. That’s just going to make you more annoyed. You’ve to understand that it’s all about perspective. Respect others, and they will respect you. Get irritated all the time and they’ll think you’re unfriendly and bitchy.

4) Remember that they’re probably just joking

So introverts are weird, different or crazy to people who don’t get it right?

Relax. If they’re your friends, they’re probably just joking. Let them. Chill out. It’s no big deal. There’s no reason to get upset just because your friends don’t understand you.

5) Being an introvert doesn’t mean you have to be unfriendly, or shy

Because you’re bound to interact with other people. Now, why don’t you just make the best of it and be a friend?

If you do feel shy indeed, learn how to socialize. Learn body language. Learn how to talk to the opposite sex. Start with what resonates with you most, like perhaps reading a book.

If you don’t ever mean to come across unfriendly, and feel misunderstood for that, I strongly suggest doing the above. You don’t need unnecessary stress and garbage from others.

6)  Set extremely strict boundaries with your partner

An introvert doesn’t mean you’ve to be alone!

So in order to be in a happy relationship, you’ve to let your partner know what your lifestyle is like by setting clear boundaries.

Tell him or her that you prefer not to reply a text when you’re reading, so they shouldn’t have to worry at all if you happen to be silent on the radar.

This will save a lot of trouble!

7) You ultimately need your core set of friends

Because no one ever wants to be alone forever. An introvert doesn’t mean a life without friends.

So this is how it works in a couple of ways:

First, remember that you don’t have to make a ton of friends. You don’t need to please everybody in life. You’re not aiming to be prom queen.

Secondly, stick to your close few friends. And know that that’s enough. That’s it.

Special bonus for Pick The Brain Readers!

I hope you enjoyed the article! Wanna start asking the right questions in life?

Then you’re going to want my book. It’s free! Here it is:

12 Things Happy People Don’t Give a F**K About!

Time to shed the crap in life and start being happy! This free book is only available through this link to Alden Tan.

Alden Tan keeps it real at his blog and writes about motivation in unconventional ways. His two main passions are Bboying and writing. Check out his free report, 12 Things Happy People Don’t Give a F**k About!

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Are you perceiving reality as it is or as you think it is?

I would like to share with you the following quotes from some of the best spiritual teachers I know. (Warning: reading them may change the way you view reality – forever.)

Our lives are based on certain assumptions created and taught by society. However, are these assumptions actually correct? Let’s take a minute to turn some “common wisdom” upside down. Some wise spiritual teachers tell us that we are in fact wrong about many of the assumptions that we base our lives on. Try to read this with an open mind, you may be pleasantly surprised and inspired.

You don’t need to be loved

“There is yet another illusion, that it is important to be respectable, to be loved and appreciated, to be important. Many say we have a natural urge to be loved and appreciated, to belong. That’s false. Drop this illusion and you will find happiness. We have a natural urge to be free, a natural urge to love, but not to be loved.” – Anthony de Mello

 You don’t need anything to be happy

“To believe that you depend on things and people for happiness is due to ignorance of your true nature; to know that you need nothing to be happy except self-knowledge is wisdom.” – Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

If you have negative feelings something is wrong with YOU

“Anytime you have a negative feeling toward anyone, you’re living in an illusion. There’s something seriously wrong with you. You’re not seeing reality. Something inside of you has to change. But what do we generally do when we have a negative feeling? “He is to blame, she is to blame. She’s got to change.” No! The world’s all right. The one who has to change is you.” – Anthony de Mello

 “Let’s suppose that rain washes out a picnic. Who is feeling negative? The rain? Or you? What’s causing the negative feeling? The rain or your reaction? When you bump your knee against a table, the table’s fine. It’s busy being what it was made to be – a table. The pain is in your knee, not in the table. The mystics keep trying to tell us that reality is all right. Reality is not problematic. Problems exist only in the human mind. We might add: in the stupid, sleeping human mind.” – Anthony de Mello

You are not a person

“You have never been, nor shall ever be, a person. Refuse to consider yourself as one. But as long as you do not even doubt yourself to be Mr. So-and-so, there is little hope. When you refuse to open your eyes, what can you be shown?” – Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

You are nobody

“Feel the space in you when you are nobody, nothing. When you never ever gonna be something. Get over it! It’s like, if people think you are mad, they leave you alone. And then you can do all kind of things. You can pee in the street and everything. Oh it’s just John he is mad.” – Mooji

You were never born

“Inquire, investigate, doubt yourself and others. To find truth, you must not cling to your convictions; if you are sure of the immediate, you will never reach the ultimate. Your idea that you were born and that you will die is absurd – both logic and experience contradict it.” – Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

You are neither bad nor good, you just are

“There is only one thing better than, you know, ‘I’m bad’ or ‘I’m good.’ And that’s ‘I am.’ Only something as insane as a human being would ever ask themselves if I’m good. You don’t find oak trees having existential crisis. ‘I feel so rotten about myself. I don’t produce as many acorns as the one next to me.’ – Adyashanti

Experience is the denial of Reality

“Most of us die wishing we could live again. So many mistakes committed, so much left undone. Most people vegetate, but do not live. They merely gather experience and enrich their memory. But experience is the denial of Reality, which is neither sensory nor conceptual, neither of the body nor of the mind, though it includes and transcends both.” – Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

You don’t use your mind it uses you

“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive. To put it more accurately… you usually don’t use it at all. It uses you.” – Eckhart Tolle

You need nothing

“If you seek reality you must set yourself free of all backgrounds, of all cultures, of all patterns of thinking and feeling. Even the idea of being man or woman, or even human, should be discarded. The ocean of life contains all, not only humans. So, first of all, abandon all self-identification; stop thinking of yourself as such-and-such, so-and-so, this or that. Abandon all self-concern, worry not about your welfare, material or spiritual; abandon every desire, gross or subtle, stop thinking of achievement of any kind. You are complete here and now- you need absolutely nothing.” – Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

 Thibaut Meurisse is the founder of whatispersonaldevelopment.org. Obsessed with improvement, he dedicates his life to finding the best possible ways to durably transform both his life and the lives of others. Visit his website to download his free e-book “The 5 Commandments of Personal Development”.

The post 11 Thought-Provoking Quotes from Spiritual Teachers appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

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I don’t think I need to tell you that reading is good for you—great for you. The more you read, the more you learn. The more you learn, the greater the grasp you have on how the world ticks. Reading expands your life perspective and fine tunes your life filter. You understand life more, and in turn, can deal with it better.

Unfortunately, most people don’t read. Sometimes, people do want to read—they’ve got a book at home sitting on the shelf that they fancy—but can never seem to find the time. Well my friends, this post is for you.

1) Reading is a pleasure.

Obviously, to get yourself motivated to read, read something that interests you. Meditation, animals, philosophy, sex—whatever you want. If you’re drawn to the book, the more likely you’ll be excited to pick it up and read it.

2) Set triggers.

Make reading a habit by setting triggers. For example, breakfast (among other things), is my trigger. Whenever I break the fast, I make it a rule to read. You can do this for anything—when you go the washroom, when you’re riding the subway, while you eat dinner, before bed—you get the point. Your triggers will act as a friendly reminder that you should read. It may take some time getting used to (like all habits do), but it’s worth it!

3) Have a goal.

Some people set radical goals for themselves like reading one book a week. (Yeah, I know right?) Obviously you don’t have to be as radical as that. You can start by reading a book a month. Or a book every two months even. Up to you. Whatever floats your boat. But setting a goal and aspiring to reach it gives you a focus that’ll help you get the job done.

4) Accountability.

Accountability helps. Maybe have a reading partner. Set something up between the both of you where you tell each other what book you’re going to read and when you’re going to check in with one another to see through your promise.

When you set a goal, letting yourself down isn’t really a big deal. But letting someone else down is something we intrinsically would like to avoid— it helps you achieve your goal faster.

Another thing you can do is borrow books from your local library. (A gold mine!) The return date gives you a sense of pressure to finish your book by a certain deadline.

5) Read whenever you can.

If you’re determined and willing, use every possible moment when you’re idle to indulge in the art of the written word. On the bus. On the subway. On your lunch break. When you’re at the gym. You won’t regret it, I promise!

6) Just start.

Sometimes the thing preventing us from reading is our own mind. Our mind will make up all kinds of excuses not to do something. Not get out of bed. Not clean the house. Not shower (whoops). And in this case, not read.

The trick to bypassing this mental block is to just pick up the dang book already and read! Don’t pour too much thought into the action. Just do it. Once you start reading (if it’s a good book), it’s quite difficult to stop!

7) Always have your book in reach.

Wherever I go, I’ve always got a book with me. Whenever I’m at home, a book is always near. That way, I don’t have to think much when the idea that I should maybe spend my free time reading instead of diddle-daddling on social media or watching Netflix comes into my head. I just grab the book and start reading.

Having your book some place else other than you are adds one more hurdle in your decision making process to not read. It’s a small inconvenience, but the mind is superb in making up excuses for ourselves.

“Aw, it’s in the other room. I think I’ll just watch funny vine compilations on YouTube instead.”

Been there, done that!

8) Create a dedicated time for yourself.

Whether it’s deciding to wake up a half hour early to get in a few chapters, or choosing to get into bed and cozy up with a book before you eventually doze off, dedicating time specifically for reading helps so much. Just saying “Every night, right before I hit the hay, I’m going to dedicate a couple minutes to reading,” can be a powerful decision in itself.

9) Eliminate distractions.

Get rid of the laptop. Turn your phone off. No Netflix. Goodbye TV.

Focus on your book.

10) Create a dedicated space for yourself.

Sometimes, the best way to set the mood for reading is having a dedicated space for one’s self. Perhaps yours is in bed, with your bedside lamp illuminating the night’s final task. Perhaps it’s in the library. Perhaps you have the luxury of creating a reading room for yourself. Perhaps it’s snug in the corner of your local coffee shop.

Conclusion

Reading may seem like a mental strain at first thought. But truth be told, it’s a pleasurable, rewarding leisure activity. You’ll add zest and colour to your vocabulary, expand your life perspective, enlighten yourself with the wisdom and insight of others, and perhaps even learn a little bit about your being in the process which you wouldn’t have otherwise. I hope this article has brought value to your life. Happy reading!

Christopher Tan is a writer at his blog The Art Of Life where he inspires others to become authors of their own story. He helps people wake up to their truth, power, and potential of blossoming into the best version of themselves. You can follow him on Twitter here.

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I will always be grateful for my mother, who raised my little brother and me without a man in the house, who taught us to value our education despite never finishing elementary school herself, and who never let being paralyzed stop her from caring for her two sons. My mother made living on food stamps and growing up in one of poorest and crime-ridden communities in Atlanta a bit more bearable.

Knowing the circumstances of my upbringing, no one would have predicted when I was born that, two months from now, I would be graduating from Yale with a 3.9 GPA with no debt.

My journey from living in poverty to graduating from Yale didn’t require me to be a genius or to have access to anything others didn’t. My journey began each morning by asking myself two questions anyone else could.

What Even Poverty Could Not Take Away from You

When I walked the halls of my high school, I saw pregnant girls barely 16 bragging about their delivery dates and young men bragging about how many classes they had skipped or the easy money they made the night before. These weren’t the types of lives I wanted for my mother, my brother, or myself.

As I woke up every morning, I would ask myself two questions:

1.     What kind of life do I want for myself?

Asking myself this reminded me of my goal to graduate at the top of my high school class, attend a top university, and one day give my mother and brother a better life. My answer gave me a purpose to want to wake up every morning despite the environment I was living in. As the famous psychologist and Holocaust survivor, Victor Frankl, wrote, “Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how’.”

2.     Is what I’m doing today going to get my closer to the life I want? If not, why am I doing it?

Asking this reminded me to keep on my path I set for myself when the temptation to not was all around me. Even poverty could not take away my power to wake up every morning and decide what I wanted to do with my day. Asking these two questions every morning, even if I woke up with no electricity, motivated me to avoid the choices I saw others made around me while working towards building the life I wanted.

Pain is temporary, regret is forever 

Every day, these two questions pushed me to study a bit more for the SAT when others were getting into bed, to wake up and work on my admissions essays when others were still asleep, and to apply for one more scholarship despite already being rejected by over 180 others.

On the days I felt stuck, when my SAT scores showed no improvement, when my essays were trashed, and scholarship foundations would continue to reject me, those two questions reminded me to keep going on my path. Those two questions reminded me that my pain and agony were temporary, but if I quit, I would live with regret forever. Instead of stopping, each day I got closer and closer to my goal.

Eventually, studying while my friends were at the movies, waking up while my peers were still in bed, and knowing the type of person I wanted to be while others didn’t, paid off. In March of 2011, I was accepted to Yale and Harvard and earned scholarships to graduate debt-free from both.

You might not have the money, the social connections, or the physical ability today to take 100 steps every day to creating the life you want, but just the fact that you are reading this right now means that you have the power to take at least one. And that is one step closer than you were yesterday.

What type of life do you want for yourself? And the things you’re about to do today are they getting you closer to that life? If not, why are you doing them?

——–

Davis (@JustDavisNguyen) is finishing his last semester at Yale University. When he is not in class, Davis spends his time reaching out to people who inspire him. If you could have lunch with anyone in the world, who would it be? Davis will show you how. 

The post Two Questions that Guided My Journey from Poverty to Yale appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

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If you want to make any kind of changes in your life, it’s self-discipline that will either help you reach your goal (when you have a lot of self-discipline) or send you back to square one (in case you have little of it).

How do you build self-discipline and resist temptations in order to achieve your long-term goals? In this blog post, I’ll share with you the 5 keys to self-discipline.

1. Powerful Motivation – Your “Why”

No matter how much self-discipline you possess, you can’t force yourself to keep doing something you hate (I know, I’m a college dropout). Consequently, if you don’t have a good, empowering reason why you want to do something, you won’t succeed.

Self-discipline is all about choosing your long-term goals over your temptations. If your long-term goals won’t bring a much bigger reward than the craving you feel now, guess what… Your chances of resisting a temptation are zero. Zilch. Nada.

It doesn’t mean that having a powerful “why” alone will solve all your problems, but it will make things much easier.

So… What is your big “why?”

Let’s imagine your goal is to lose weight. That’s a fine goal, but it won’t be enough when you feel an overwhelming craving to eat chocolate.

This goal doesn’t elicit a powerful emotional response because it’s not specific enough. It doesn’t tell a story. It doesn’t give you a reason why you want to achieve it.

Let’s switch it to something more specific – you want to lose 20 pounds before the end of spring to go to Hawaii for vacation. Now that’s a much better goal, isn’t it?

Imagine yourself on the beach, enjoying the warm rays of sun in that sexy bikini (or cool swimming shorts) and feeling healthy and vibrant in your new body. Imagine running after a beach ball and smelling the fresh ocean. Imagine the energy flowing through your body, fueling you to discover all the Hawaiian islands offer. Imagine all the great memories you’ll take home.

Now look at that chocolate bar. Is it really worth it to give up this powerful vision for a short burst of sugar?

If your “why” is powerful enough, you won’t hesitate with your answer – “Hell no!”

Key #1: Come up with a powerful reason why you want to stick to your goals. Remind yourself of it each time you’re tempted to give up.

2. Habits

What most people don’t realize about habits is that we can use them in place of self-discipline.

That’s right, you don’t necessarily need any more self-discipline than you have now if you use the power of habits to make changes in your life.

Let’s say you have a habit of brushing your teeth right after you wake up (I really hope you have such a habit). Do you need any amount of self-discipline to brush your teeth every single day?

No? That’s what I thought. It would be bad if you did.

Anyway, I digress.

Let’s say you want to introduce some changes in your life, but you have a hard time resisting temptations. Saying no to a craving is hard job, especially during the first few weeks of making changes in your life.

But it needn’t have to be that hard if you know the process of creating habits. Here it is:

1. Come up with a cue. It’s a signal to perform your habit.
2. Come up with an action. It’s what you do after the signal.
3. Come up with a reward. What will motivate you to take the action? It can be drinking a smoothie after a workout. Reading a book for one hour after working on your side business. A night out with your friends. And so on.

Let’s say you want to introduce a habit of eating a cup of vegetables a day. Here’s how you can go about it:

Cue: let’s build this habit on top of another habit. If you usually eat dinner at 3 PM make it your cue to peel vegetables BEFORE you eat anything else or order them first (before the main course).

Action: eating a cup of vegetables.

Reward: ask yourself what would motivate you to keep repeating this behavior. Does the feeling after eating a healthy meal makes you proud? That’s your potential reward. Do you need something more tangible? Reward yourself with something healthy, but pleasant, e.g. taking a brief nap or drinking your favorite tea/coffee.

When your new behavior becomes automated (it takes on average 66 days to form a new habit), you won’t need self-discipline to keep doing it.

What if you want to modify a habit?

1. Identify the routine. What’s the negative behavior you want to get rid of? Let’s say it’s eating a chocolate bar right after dinner.
2. Identify the reward. Why you do what you do? It takes some testing to find the right answer.

First, let’s find out if it’s hunger that motivates you to eat it. Eat a larger portion than before – so much that you’re stuffed. Do you still crave a chocolate bar? If so, test another potential reward you’re seeking.

Replace a chocolate bar with a candy. Do you still crave a chocolate bar? No? It means you don’t crave chocolate, but probably just something sweet.

Let’s test it further. Replace the candy with an apple. Do you still crave junk food? If not, you’ve identified the reward you’re seeking. Do you still want to eat junk food? Keep searching.

Let’s test another possibility – eat something you’ve never eaten before (or something you eat rarely). Do you still crave that chocolate bar? If not, you’ve identified the reward. Your diet is too bland and you eat sweets to bring some variety into your diet.

3. Identify the cue. When and where exactly do you feel the craving? What were you doing before you thought about it? Who was with you? How did you feel? Just like when identifying the reward, isolate different potential cues.

Once you have it all figured out, you can come up with an alternative behavior to your existing bad one. If you always eat a chocolate bar right after dinner because you’re tired of your bland diet, eat a different piece of fruit right after each meal. Or use different spices for your main meal. Or try different food altogether. If it was the need for variation that motivated you to eat a chocolate bar, these changes should do the trick.

Modify all of your bad habits in a similar way.

Key #2: Create habits that will automate your healthy behaviors (and prevent the bad ones).

3. Self-Awareness

Have you ever given in to a temptation without paying any attention to what you were doing?

Don’t feel bad, we’re all guilty of this behavior.

Studies show that distracted shoppers are more likely to sample food at the sampling station in the supermarket. And why wouldn’t they? If you’re distracted, the logical part of your brain is gone and you’re left with that nasty, spoiled brat part of your brain that wants everything now.

Self-awareness is a big thing that can make or break your resolutions. If your mind constantly wanders anywhere but where you currently are, you’ll find it hard to say no to a craving. And then your “why” is of no use – you won’t even think about it before a piece of chocolate disappears in your mouth (or before you go to sleep instead of going to the gym).

How do you solve this problem? Obviously, the first step is to cut down on everyday distractions. Social media, texting, and other notifications in your phone can successfully drive you mind away from what you’re doing. And if you happen to be shopping, don’t be surprised your shopping bags are stuffed to the brim with things that weren’t supposed to find their way into your pantry.

The second step, which is actually a huge part of self-discipline, is meditation. Meditation trains your mind to stay focused on the present moment. It takes a lot of willpower to sit still and focus on your breath – even for just a couple minutes.

It’s not just my opinion. Studies show that meditation induces white matter changes in the anterior cingulate (don’t ask me, I have no idea where it is, either) which leads to improved self-control. Boom – here’s your new habit to become more self-disciplined.

Start with a 5-minute session every morning. Sit in a comfortable position, close your eyes and focus on each inhale and exhale. Your mind will drift away – that’s okay. Just make an effort to bring it back to your breath.

A couple weeks of such practice will help you calm down your overactive brain and become more aware in the situations in which your self-discipline is tested.

Key #3: Learn how to focus more on the present moment. Absent-mindedness is one of the most common reasons why people are unable to resist their cravings.

4. Your Social Circle

Various scientific studies confirm that social influence is a significant factor in obesity. If a family member or a friend is obese, you’re much more likely to be obese, too. The closer someone is to you, the more influence she has on you.

Motivational speaker Jim Rohn once famously said that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. Guess he knew before scientists how powerful social influence can be.

What all of this have to do with self-discipline?

Self-discipline isn’t any different from obesity. Just like you’re more likely to pick up bad eating habits when your friends have them, so can they affect your self-discipline.

I have a childhood friend who started hanging out with less than ambitious individuals. A couple months later, his everyday life was pretty much the copy of the lives of these people – playing computer games, hanging out in the neighborhood doing nothing, and consuming unhealthy substances on a daily basis.

Only when he cut the ties with these people a couple years later, his life advanced. He got back on track to make positive changes in his life and his self-discipline improved so much he was able to get rid of most of the bad habits “contracted” from these people.

Does your social circle encourage you to make positive changes or does it have a detrimental effect on your life? Is there anybody who makes you feel particularly good and anybody who always challenges your willpower? How can you reduce the time spent with the person who has a negative influence on your life and spend more time with the empowering one?

In every area of life, the easiest path to success is to hang around like-minded, successful individuals. Here are a couple ways how you can use the power of social influence in your life:

1. Participate in online forums and groups. You don’t have to get rid of your friends. Just spend more time interacting with success-oriented folks online to get some of their energy into your life.
2. Have a role model or get a coach. If you can afford it, get a coach who will keep you accountable and whose habits and qualities you’d like to have. If you can’t get a coach, find a mentor through books. Have this person in mind when tempted to give in.
3. Partner up. Find someone who wants to introduce the same changes as you and keep each other accountable. It can be your friend, family member, or someone met online (or in the real world, say, in the local gym).

Key #4: Surround yourself with people who will empower you instead of tempting you to give up.

5. Stress

Have you ever gave in to a temptation because you wanted to recompense yourself for a bad emotion?

If you’re anything like me (and millions others), it happened to you more than once.

Willpower is just a small piece of a bigger puzzle. If one of the parts doesn’t fit, the rest doesn’t add up, either. One of the factors that has a huge effect on your life and your self-discipline – a huge piece of a puzzle – is something most people underestimate. I’m talking about… stress.

An Australian study on students shows that stress makes you extremely poor at self-control. Students who were stressed because of exams reported an increase in smoking and caffeine consumption. Their diet and sleep deteriorated, they struggled with controlling their emotions, exercised less, paid less attention to household chores and self-care habits. They also cared less about commitments and spending.

All in all, they were in a pretty rough shape. All because of stress.

The moment your mood goes sour, your ever supportive brain starts looking for something to lift your spirits – usually an easy to get reward you want to avoid – eating, drinking, smoking, shopping, surfing the Internet, playing video games, and so on.

Stress is an inherent part of our lives, and it’s foolish to believe we can completely eliminate it. But it doesn’t mean you have to let it affect your self-discipline. Simple activities can greatly reduce the levels of stress in your life. The key is to focus on techniques that provide a longer stress-relieving response, not a quick release of tension.

Here are a couple healthy ways to reduce stress – without challenging your self-control.

• read a book.
• go for a walk (especially in nature).
• meditate. We already discussed how powerful it is.
• get a massage. A professional one is good, but an amateur one from your partner can be equally good.
• spend time with friends and family.

If you fail at resisting a temptation, don’t criticize yourself and don’t make yourself feel guilty. Accept that you had a slip-up and move on. Self-guilt can contribute to your levels of stress, thus leading you to weakened willpower (and even more problems resisting the temptation at another occasion).

Key #5: Don’t overestimate the power of stress. Reduce your tension on a daily basis to stick to your goals better.

These five keys to self-discipline are 20% of the activities that will bring you 80% of the results. If you focus on nothing else but these five things, you’ll definitely improve your willpower and become much more powerful at resisting temptations.

What is your top technique to say no to instant gratification and stick to your goals?

Martin Meadows is the pen name of an author who has dedicated his life to personal growth. Self-discipline is one of his specialties. He covers it in much more detail in his recently released book “How to Build Self-Discipline: Resist Temptations and Reach Your Long-Term Goals” which you can buy here.

The post 5 Keys to Self-Discipline – Resist Temptations Like a Monk (and Achieve Your Long-Term Goals) appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

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