You’re reading 5 Things Your Therapist Would Love You to Do, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Congratulations! Chances are that if you are reading this, you have decided that your mental health is very important to you, and you have finally made the choice to see a therapist. So, you are on the right track!

However, a lot of people feel overwhelmed at the idea of therapy, not exactly knowing what to do to move their treatment in the right direction. Thankfully, your therapist is a trained professional who will set forth a plan to discover the root of your depression, fight the feelings of anxiety or help you to achieve that full eight hours of sleep that you long for.

But are there ways that you can also work right along with your therapist, reaching those goals even faster? Let’s take a look at six things that your therapist would LOVE for to do!

• Start By Strengthening Your Relationships

Most people find that they are emotionally stronger when they are surrounded by healthy, supportive relationships. Whether these be romantic engagements or parent-child roles, many seem to function emotionally on a more positive level when they are in a “good place” with the people that they care the most about. Sometimes a negative relationship may be discovered as the root of many feelings of depression or anxiety, so just as you work towards holding onto the rewarding relationships in your life, never hesitate to also let go of those that appear to be detrimental to your well-being. There are plenty of articles and books available to help you achieve freedom from toxic relationships.

• Keep Up With Your Physical Health

Now, you may have heard the saying that “help starts on the inside”, and this may typically be the case. However, when you are putting the work in to heal your mind and to focus on your emotions, you can’t neglect to also remember your physical health. Maybe you find that going for a run can clear your mind and help you forget a bad day at work. That isn’t just coincidence. If you feel good about the choices that you are making in your diet and your fitness regimen, your mind will also react with positive outcomes as well. If you aren’t really into hitting the gym, try something low-key, and find a yoga class in your area.

• Journal

Many therapists will suggest that you write in a journal, as that this will open your mind and provide an easy way to take note of how you’re feeling on any particular day. In fact, journaling has been used for centuries to promote self growth in all sorts of ways. You can stick to the paper-bound diary on the bedside table, or you can make use of one of the many smartphone apps for journaling. As you begin to explore your own feelings, you’ll soon see patterns in your behavior, allowing you the opportunity to rethink some of your actions and reactions.

• Stay Engaged  

Now, probably one of the most helpful things that you can do for your therapist is to stay engaged. Sometimes a patient leaves the office and doesn’t give a second thought to their treatment until they back for the next appointment. But keeping in check with one’s emotions in between appointments can make all the difference. And technology is making it even easier, as many therapists utilize patient engagement solutions to keep their patients on track in between their appointments. Patients can even download an app to their smartphone or tablet, allowing them to take surveys and questionnaires to help with their treatment. How fantastic is that?    

• Reach Out for Help

Most importantly, your therapist will love you if you keep the the lines of communication open. Reaching out for help is an integral part of growth, and you have already made the first initial step by starting your treatment. However, continuing to be open with your emotions and alerting your therapist when you are feeling overwhelmed can be the catalyst for a positive outcome in your treatment.

As you continue your therapy, you will find that the more effort you put into your treatment, the more you will take away. Whether you are dealing with emotions connected to anxiety, depression or a myriad of other disorders, following these tips may lead you one step closer to the well-being that can be achieved.

You’ve read 5 Things Your Therapist Would Love You to Do, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading How To Live In This Moment, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Look around you. Do you see that? This is where you are right now. Look in the mirror. See that face? That’s you, my friend. So, this is what you’ve got – right here, right now – yourself and this very moment.

Don’t panic. You aren’t stuck here. You can still get to where you want to go in life – without waiting for the perfect time and without worrying about all the ‘what ifs.’ You just need to find the strength to do so. (Notice I said “find.” You have the strength, you just may not know where you put it.)

In the meantime, maybe these 4 tips will help…

1. Living in the moment does not mean you aren’t growing. With society always telling us we need to go further in our career or be something or someone better than who we are, we often spend our days dreaming of the future. If only I could… or If only I had… or If only ___ would… See, “if only” doesn’t help you move forward. In fact, it halts you in the moment and stunts your growth. After all, you cannot focus on the present if you are stuck trying to dream up a fictitious future. Be present, be in your moment, and absorb all that you can.
2. Mantras or personal affirmations work. Remember years ago, when it was rumored that records or cartoons had subliminal messages that made kids do crazy things? Why not create your own message to yourself? Find something positive that you can repeat to yourself several times a day. Make it something that will bring you back when your mind starts to wonder and something that can remind you to live in the moment. Then, tape it to your mirror, your steering wheel, or write it in permanent marker on your hand – wherever you will see it and remember to repeat it. Then believe it!
3. Slow down. You heard me. Apply the brakes and back away from the driver’s seat. The simple idea of slowing down is hard for those who cannot live in the present. Rushing from point A to point B, in and out of appointments and meetings, social engagement after social engagement, then home to cook, clean, do laundry… all on about 5 hours or less of sleep because, face it – you need more hours in a day! No, no, and NO! This is not the way to live life. If you want to find yourself happy and settled in the future, then you need to slow yourself down now.

• Take on less work.
• Prioritize social engagements – and then pick only one to attend.
• Spend at least five minutes with yourself each day (in solitude).
• Remind yourself what is important – and what can wait.
• Sleep at least eight hours every night.
• Force yourself to physically move slower.

4. Give attention to the insignificant things. Sometimes we overlook the trivial things in life that make our day. It is not that we are ungrateful, we just may not realize their importance. For instance – a toilet, coffee, transportation, a hot meal, your favorite song, etc. These are all things that make our life a little more enjoyable and without them, well, we maybe wouldn’t be so… pleasant.

Acknowledge these things by writing them down, physically seeing all the perks you have this very moment in life. Sure, it may not be that house on the beach you always dreamed of when you were younger – but you have a roof over your head which means you are one step further than a lot of people! Keeping a journal of these things can help you focus your attention on the present, as well as become more appreciative of where you are in your life’s journey.

If you keep traveling ahead in your current manner, you won’t even know that you reached your future once you reach it! Your eyes will be so focused on the next thing. Start now and learn to enjoy life in the moment – this moment.

____________

Michelle Blan is a freelance writer and avid blogger determined to motivate even those lost in their darkest moments. There is always a way out…I can show you. Check out my blog at www.shellblan.com or follow me on Twitter @ShellBlan

You’ve read How To Live In This Moment, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading How To Live In This Moment, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Look around you. Do you see that? This is where you are right now. Look in the mirror. See that face? That’s you, my friend. So, this is what you’ve got – right here, right now – yourself and this very moment.

Don’t panic. You aren’t stuck here. You can still get to where you want to go in life – without waiting for the perfect time and without worrying about all the ‘what ifs.’ You just need to find the strength to do so. (Notice I said “find.” You have the strength, you just may not know where you put it.)

In the meantime, maybe these 4 tips will help…

1. Living in the moment does not mean you aren’t growing. With society always telling us we need to go further in our career or be something or someone better than who we are, we often spend our days dreaming of the future. If only I could… or If only I had… or If only ___ would… See, “if only” doesn’t help you move forward. In fact, it halts you in the moment and stunts your growth. After all, you cannot focus on the present if you are stuck trying to dream up a fictitious future. Be present, be in your moment, and absorb all that you can.
2. Mantras or personal affirmations work. Remember years ago, when it was rumored that records or cartoons had subliminal messages that made kids do crazy things? Why not create your own message to yourself? Find something positive that you can repeat to yourself several times a day. Make it something that will bring you back when your mind starts to wonder and something that can remind you to live in the moment. Then, tape it to your mirror, your steering wheel, or write it in permanent marker on your hand – wherever you will see it and remember to repeat it. Then believe it!
3. Slow down. You heard me. Apply the brakes and back away from the driver’s seat. The simple idea of slowing down is hard for those who cannot live in the present. Rushing from point A to point B, in and out of appointments and meetings, social engagement after social engagement, then home to cook, clean, do laundry… all on about 5 hours or less of sleep because, face it – you need more hours in a day! No, no, and NO! This is not the way to live life. If you want to find yourself happy and settled in the future, then you need to slow yourself down now.

• Take on less work.
• Prioritize social engagements – and then pick only one to attend.
• Spend at least five minutes with yourself each day (in solitude).
• Remind yourself what is important – and what can wait.
• Sleep at least eight hours every night.
• Force yourself to physically move slower.

4. Give attention to the insignificant things. Sometimes we overlook the trivial things in life that make our day. It is not that we are ungrateful, we just may not realize their importance. For instance – a toilet, coffee, transportation, a hot meal, your favorite song, etc. These are all things that make our life a little more enjoyable and without them, well, we maybe wouldn’t be so… pleasant.

Acknowledge these things by writing them down, physically seeing all the perks you have this very moment in life. Sure, it may not be that house on the beach you always dreamed of when you were younger – but you have a roof over your head which means you are one step further than a lot of people! Keeping a journal of these things can help you focus your attention on the present, as well as become more appreciative of where you are in your life’s journey.

If you keep traveling ahead in your current manner, you won’t even know that you reached your future once you reach it! Your eyes will be so focused on the next thing. Start now and learn to enjoy life in the moment – this moment.

____________

Michelle Blan is a freelance writer and avid blogger determined to motivate even those lost in their darkest moments. There is always a way out…I can show you. Check out my blog at www.shellblan.com or follow me on Twitter @ShellBlan

You’ve read How To Live In This Moment, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading Why Guilt Is A Horrible Motivator, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

So you’ve eaten a piece of cake that you weren’t supposed to eat, or maybe you missed your child’s first ballet concert. If you’re like most people, and not a psychopath, chances are, you will feel guilty about what you did. Guilt is what we naturally feel when we believe we’ve done something wrong. But should we be looking to guilt to make us more productive? The answer is no. Guilt is not a good motivator. You’ll be better of counting on other things for that productivity boost.

Guilt Takes Up Too Much of Your Mental Space

If you’re trying to motivate yourself to finally start on that project you’ve been putting off, you might be thinking that you should remind yourself of how disappointed your boss would be if you don’t finish it in time. You might be trying to guilt yourself into working on it so you don’t let your boss down. A lot of times, this will get you working, but will you be surprised if I say you won’t be your most productive while you work?

Guilt makes you feel bad about yourself. When you go on a guilt trip, you’re essentially focusing on your flaws and imperfections. But as scientists will tell you, you’re most productive when you feel confident, competent, and happy, not when you feel like you’re being a horrible human being. Happiness is what increases productivity. If you have to spend part of your mental energy trying to deal with negative feelings like guilt, you won’t be free to focus all your mental faculties on the task at hand. So guilt, instead of helping you be more productive, ends up being just and extra burden on your brain.

It would be much better if you focus on doing the right thing instead of avoiding the wrong. Focus on being a good person instead of trying not to look like the bad guy. Rather than guilting yourself into finishing that project, motivate yourself by thinking of how happy you would make your boss feel when you complete it. Think of how grateful he would be that you did your part. Picture him celebrating the completion of the project and imagine yourself being partly responsible for his happiness. Thinking of the positive impact you can make will get you feeling happy and confident so you can be optimally productive.

It Makes You Do More of What You Feel Guilty Doing

What did you do when you felt guilty about breaking your diet and eating that cake? Did feeling guilty help you get back on track? Chances are, it did the opposite. You broke your diet, felt horrible about it, and decided, “What the heck I might as well have more cake.”

When you believe you’ve done something bad, you begin to think that you deserve to be punished for what you’ve done. If no one on the outside is going to punish you, you start looking for ways to punish yourself. Your self-punishment is your attempt to cleanse yourself of your guilty conscience. You end up punishing yourself by doing more of what made you feel horrible and guilty. You eat more of that cake, feel guiltier and it just becomes a cycle of guilt and self-punishment.

Next time you make a mistake, instead of beating yourself up for the wrong and pushing yourself into a vicious cycle, celebrate what you’ve done right so far. Focus on how you managed to stick to your diet two weeks, for instance, instead of letting that one time that you had a slice of cake overshadow everything. That’s more likely to get you back on track. You’ll end up wanting to feel like you’re succeeding again and getting back to your success strategy.

It’s an Extrinsic Motivator So It Doesn’t Last

You don’t want to be in a situation where the only reason you do what you do is because you want to avoid feeling guilty. So maybe the only reason you’re spending sleepless nights studying through med-school is because you don’t want to disappoint your parents. Maybe only thing that’s making you work hard to finish projects and meet deadlines is your desire to not feel bad about disappointing your boss. This means that you’re looking to the outside to find the motivation to do what you do, and there’s nothing intrinsic pushing you forward.

Your desire to avoid guilt is an extrinsic motivator. What would happen if this extrinsic motivator is removed? What would happen if, for instance, you find yourself working as an entrepreneur with no boss to disappoint? You lose your impetus. The new freedom confuses you and might even leave you paralyzed on how to act. That’s why you might see a person who is very hard-working in a structured office setting struggle to get anything done when they become self-employed entrepreneurs.

What you want to do instead is to find a way to build and nurture that intrinsic motivation. Regardless of the job you have, get yourself to a place where you wake up every morning ready to take on the day, not for your family or your boss, but simply because you enjoy what you do. Find a way to do your job simply because it makes you happy. That way you’ll keep being productive and doing your best, even when you have no boss to impress.

The next time you want to guilt yourself into doing something remember that you’ll be sabotaging yourself. It’s much better if you focus on doing the right thing instead of avoiding the bad, celebrating your successes, and enjoying yourself through every task.

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Nelu Mbingu is a self-improvement blogger. She enjoys sharing her ideas about personal growth and social success on her blog, Lessons From Everyday Life. She loves telling her stories, hearing other people’s stories, and becoming wiser day by day. Visit her blog or follow her on Instagram: neluthecurious_

You’ve read Why Guilt Is A Horrible Motivator, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading 6 Productivity Mistakes Successful People Never Make, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

“Winners never quit and quitters never win.” – Vince Lombardi

It’s true: if you want to rise to the top in business, you should buckle up because the ride can get pretty rocky. These days, competition is fiercer than ever across industries, and challenges and pitfalls lurk at every corner, which makes a life of 21st-century entrepreneurs tougher than their parents had it. Still, achieving peak productivity and superior business results can be a bit easier if you know how to avoid common mistakes that can slay your success before you get to savor its sweet taste. Don’t know which performance killers to watch out for? Here’s a list of six things successful people never: use it as a signpost as you elbow your way to top industry tiers.

1. Successful people never waste time on social media

Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter can be fun, but successful people whose eyes are set on peak productivity never get sucked into the vortex of social media. If you’re not using social networks for business purposes, you should limit the time you spend online or use it as a reward to savor after the work day is done. After all, control over your time is at the end of your own fingertips, and if you let it go to waste, you’ll have only yourself to blame.

2. Successful people never treat their wellbeing frivolously

Successful people know that ill health and exhaustion can punch deep holes in productivity, and they listen to their bodies and strive to stay fit and energized at all costs. If you want to max out your productivity, you should go over your carte du jour and see whether it can be adjusted with peak health in mind. To stay on the successful side of the bed, you can devise a bedtime routine and buy new mattresses online: it’ll make sure your batteries get a full recharge every night.

3. Successful people don’t stress over things they can’t control

Worrying is a waste of time and mental power, and successful people know they can’t afford to lose either. Instead of pondering on possible outcomes and different scenarios of development of events, try to focus on action-based activities and things that are in your control. By doing so, you’ll get more done and you’ll stay on the positive side of the mindset while allowing things beyond your control to work themselves out in their own time.

4. Successful people never start a day without a game plan

Long-term productivity is built from blocks of habit, and successful people know it well. For this reason, successful people never start the day without a game plan, and they stick to the priority list and the things they want to achieve religiously. To hack peak productivity, it’s a smart idea to make a list of your daily tasks and to use it as a roadmap in the quest for superior results in both professional and private life.

5. Successful people never compare themselves to others

Have you ever caught yourself comparing your productivity to others’ performance? If you have, you probably know that it’s a one-way ticket to misery and anger. Successful people never waste energy trying to be better, smarter, or more productive than others: they focus on their To Dos and strive to get as much done as is possible in the given circumstances. Comparing your output and your coworkers’ performance will get nothing done: it’ll just do your self-esteem in.

6. Successful people never ponder on past mistakes

Mistakes are a normal part of life, but stressing over them is futile. That’s why successful people never waste time dwelling on errors and ‘What If’s. Instead, they learn from mistakes and move past them, and they know that negative experiences are valuable lessons with growth potential. If you want to rise to the top, you need to be prepared to make mistakes – but you also need to be able to prevent less than stellar outcomes from getting you down.

The road to professional achievement might not be covered in roses but there’s no need for you to get pricked by just about every thorn you stumble upon as you elbow your way to success. If you want to speed up the pursuit of top-notch productivity and business results, at least try not to make the most common mistakes that will shatter your performance in a blink. Good luck!

 

You’ve read 6 Productivity Mistakes Successful People Never Make, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading Stress Management: Top Ten Habits To Reduce Stress In Your Daily Life, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Are we dealing with stress properly?

With the demands of work, family, and society, stress can sometimes get the best of us. Not being able to manage stress properly can’t only pose a risk to our health, but to our relationships as well.

Whilst we may not have control to outside circumstances that give us stress, we have full control on how to deal with it. Below are some tips on how to manage and reduce stress in our everyday life.

1. Focus on doing one thing at a time

All of us may know Jack, the master of all trades. The pressure of our society forces us to be Jack and do a lot of things at the same time. With all the deadlines that need to be met, we should all know how to master the art of multi-tasking.

Though this can get us to finish a lot of things, juggling works at the same time leads to stress and exhaustion. Learn on focus on one thing at a time. Not only it will reduce your stress level, it will also lead to better production as your mind is solely focused on doing one thing.

2. Go for a morning walk

Walking is one of the easiest forms of cardiovascular exercise. Once our heart is pumped up, it releases happy hormones and makes us feel better.

To maximize the benefits of walking, start your day with a walk outside. Make this as your everyday morning routine. Aside from the benefits of walking, the fresh air and nice surroundings will clear your mind and give you a fresh and better perspective.

3. Exercise regularly

There is no doubt that one can’t live a healthy life without exercising regularly. Aside from the fact that exercise helps us maintain or lose some weight and lowers our risk of getting diseases, it can also lower down our stress level.

How can exercise do this?

Exercise produces endorphins. They are the chemicals in our brain that improves the ability to sleep and as a natural pain killer. This, in turn, reduces stress.

A minimum of 30 minutes daily exercise for fitness has a long list of benefits.

4.  Listen to music

It is said that music is food for the soul.  There’s a whole truth to this popular saying as music nourishes our soul and put us into calmness and ease.

Whenever you are in a stressful situation, listen to your favorite song and you will be surprised how it can turn things around. A hectic and crazy day at the office can lighten up if you have your favorite playlist playing in the background.  Fill your smartphone’s playlist with happy songs to turn the bad day around.

5. Create schedule

Stress and tension arise if things get out of hand. When you don’t know how to manage your schedule properly, things to do get piled up and can get out of hand. If you can’t meet your to-do-list, this can result in pressure and disappointments.

Create a stress-free day by organizing your schedule. List all the things that you need to accomplish within a day and allot a specific time to do them. Do these before you start your day so that you know how your day would look like and can get more things accomplished.

6. Have fun each day

Laughter is the best medicine. It’s free yet very effective. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Instead of sulking and being stressed every time you commit a mistake, laugh at yourself. Having a positive and fun perspective can make everything feel better.

Look for things that you enjoy doing. We need to take a break from work and bathe ourselves with the things that we love. Surround yourself with people that know how to have fun. Life is too short to be spent angry or stressed.

7. Throwing yourself into a creative activity

Fight stress by engaging in activities that satisfy your creativity. Enroll in painting, music or art class. Find a field that you’re most interested in and explore your creativity. There’s no limit to what you can do if you open your eyes to the possibility of your skills.  If you can’t be the next Mozart or Michelangelo, at least you had fun while exploring your creative side.

8. Spend some time with family and friends

Family and friends are our support groups. They will be there with you through thick and thin. Spending some time with them brings comfort and happiness. So whenever you are in a stressful situation, give your loved ones a call and you can count that they will be there for you. You don’t need to go to a fancy restaurant or do cool things together to ease your stress. Even just a simple catch up will certainly put you in a good mood.

9. Don’t forget to laugh

Happy people are less stress compared to unhappy ones. Having a good laugh is probably the cheapest yet most effective way in reducing stress. Watch a funny movie or video, read a funny joke or you can even laugh at yourself. Finding humor in every situation, even the stressful ones, will certainly lighten up your mood.

10. Spend time helping out a friend

When we help someone in need, especially a friend or a loved one, we feel a wonderful warmth feeling afterward. It’s this feeling of accomplishment that you helped someone gives you a sense of euphoria. So don’t hesitate to lend anyone your hand as you are not only helping others, but you are also helping yourself.

You don’t have to live with stress every day. Learn to overcome it by simply doing these daily habits. You’ll be surprised at how these habits can make you look younger and happier.

 

You’ve read Stress Management: Top Ten Habits To Reduce Stress In Your Daily Life, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading 25 Ways to Win Over Your Depression Thoughts for Good, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Sometimes the simplest things become the hardest things when dealing with depression.

Dressing up and going out for a simple coffee with friends becomes an obligation and being alone and in bed is the most comforting place to be.

Depression sucks and is a very mean devil that needs to be dealt with by you and only you!

Because if you don’t, it will drag you down into this seemingly endless black tunnel where hope is nowhere to be found and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel is non-existing, sounds familiar?

Keep reading.

Some people confuse depression with being unhappy. Yep! That was me.

However, depression is a clinical condition while unhappiness is simply a result of an unhappy relationship or a unfulfilling job. With depression, the activities you once found enjoyable lose their luster and the pursuit of happiness will never end.

One thing that I have always told my friends who went through depression is to be aware and not confuse it with being unhappy. It can become a very dangerous game for some if the confusion continues. If you feel that you shy away from what you love or what usually gives you energy then it’s time to examine deeper as to why you are feeling that way.

Remember this – everything in life is fixable if you have the will to turn things around, and depression is one of them.

To be honest it took me about a couple of years to win over the battle by forcing myself to dive into activities that are energetic and surrounding myself with the great supportive people who are understanding and sensitive to my needs.

If you are willing to follow the steps that I took to gradually banish depressing thoughts one day at a time. It will be a challenge but loving yourself means to find ways to pursuit an endless happiness in your life and those around you.

Below is a cheat sheet that shows 25 activities that will help you crush your depression thoughts once and for all.

However, whatever you do, do not give up half-way because learning how to keep going will help you overcome any obstacles that life will throw at you.

You’ve read 25 Ways to Win Over Your Depression Thoughts for Good, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading How You Can Win The Battle Against Negativity, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

One time I spoke at a women-only event in Southern California and a petite blonde woman cornered me in the bathroom afterward to ask about how to better handle her husband.

She explained, “I am the optimistic one in the marriage, while my husband is the pessimist, and it’s killing me.” I could hear the concern and frustration in this woman’s voice, and even a touch of desperation as she tried so hard to help him “see the light.”

She kept butting her head against a wall every day for years, and she was at the breaking point. I’ve been there with negative people in my life—and those negative people have negatively influenced my own mood and performance.

“How do I deal with a negative person in my life?”

This is by far the most common question I get when presenting our research at client companies. Although it is asked often in terms of dealing with a negative person on a team at work, there are some who may be thinking about how to handle negativity from a spouse or in-law.

Negative people affect our stress levels and ability to choose the positive. We quit, blow up, or die early because of these people. Repeated exposure to life’s stresses actually has the potential to shorten our life span by destroying the DNA telomeres at the end of our chromosomes. Furthermore, a study conducted at the University of Georgia found that negative thoughts can be so contagious that depression can actually spread from person to person.

This isn’t a corporate or cultural problem; it is a human problem—one that we all have felt.

The key to dealing with negative people in our lives is not to isolate ourselves, but to shield or momentarily separate ourselves from negativity to retreat, regroup, and reenter the fray stronger than we were before we left it. It is possible to outweigh someone else’s negativity by refueling yourself with positivity—including mindfully reconnecting with the meaning in your life or things you’re grateful for.
Here are some helpful strategies from my book Broadcasting Happiness to help you combat negative people in your life using your own positivity:

Create a strategic retreat — on an island or in your office

Sometimes the most effective way to deepen a conversation is to retreat from it. Retreats are cowardly, but strategic retreats make us stronger and better able to handle others. A strategic retreat enables us to preserve our resources (both mental and physical) and create the space to formulate an action plan for the future.

A strategic retreat from the negative can be crucial to creating a positive shift in our relationships at work. Once when I was feeling burned out from my overnight job and by some of the frustrating people in my life, I took a vacation by myself to the Caribbean for some R & R (rum and rum). I later came to see was that this was a strategic retreat, which allowed me to recharge.

And much to my surprise, after a few days of being away, I found that I actually missed some people, even the frustrating ones. I used my strategic retreat to give space to refocus my brain on positive elements of my life including the work I loved and the close relationships I had—not only to support my own happiness, but to create an action plan to use my positivity to proactively counteract negativity from my colleagues.

Now, I understand that not everyone can just pick up and go to the Caribbean by themselves, but strategic retreats don’t have to be elaborate, “Eat, Pray, Love,” round-the-world journeys. Strategic retreats can be created almost anywhere on any given day—even in your own office!

If you are looking to retreat immediately but can’t get away from the office, take a few minutes to close your office door. Turn on some calming music and think about the things in your life that make you happy. Another way you can strategically retreat at work is to go for a walk by yourself at a nearby park or outdoor area during your lunch break. Being outside in the sun will help you think positively while enriching you with some Vitamin D.

But taking a strategic retreat is only half the battle. Eventually we need to come back and face negativity head-on.

Reenter with daily positive, proactive habits

Return to the fray with a proactive plan to keep your mind focused on the fueling parts of your reality. Here are some helpful ways that we can create daily positive habits at work that research has shown have a lasting beneficial impact on your mindset:

1. Send an email of praise or thanks. Every day for 21 days, first thing in the morning, send a short positive email to someone you know. This creates a habit out of meaningfully connecting with our colleagues and shrinks the level of influence negative people have on our lives.
2. Collect your gratitudes. Each day, write down three new and unique things you are grateful for in life. This will train your brain to scan the world in a more positive way. Research has found that gratitude practices conducted in two weeks led to a significant rise in well-being.
3. Snap a positive picture. Each day, snap a picture of something that makes you happy, grateful or loved, whether it’s a sunset, your child sleeping, or a project at work you successfully finished. The positive pictures you take remind you of the emotions you felt while taking them, increasing your positive emotions as a result.

So, if you are like the woman from the audience at my talk struggling to cope with a negative person in your life, remember—take care of yourself first, and that will better help you broadcast your positive mindset to others. Every time you have a positive encounter with a negative person, you’re shifting his or her reality for the better.

If you’d like to learn more about how to combat negativity by retreating, regrouping and reentering relationships with positivity, I invite you to join us for our (free) Wake Up & Inspire Happiness Video Workshop. On Day 3, we share more strategies and examples to learn how to switch negative people in your life to positive in seconds.

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Michelle Gielan, national CBS News anchor turned positive psychology researcher, is the best-selling author of Broadcasting Happiness.

Michelle is the Founder of the Institute for Applied Positive Research and is partnered with Arianna Huffington to study how transformative stories fuel success. She is an Executive Producer of “The Happiness Advantage” Special on PBS and a featured professor in Oprah’s Happiness course.

Michelle holds a Master of Applied Positive Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania, and her research and advice have received attention from The New York Times, Washington Post, FORBES, CNN, FOX, and Harvard Business Review.

You’ve read How You Can Win The Battle Against Negativity, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading Get Your Self-Talk to Ground Zero and Save Your Life, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Whoever saves a life, it is considered as if he saved an entire world.
-The Talmud

Everybody gets impatient, everybody.

But sometimes, that self-impatience crosses a line, and it becomes toxic.
I know all about it.

I’ve been living it, so here’s the benefit of some hard-won (and still winning) experience.

The Problem

Recently, I saw a friend post a message on social media to the effect of, “Your past is just a story, don’t let it upset you.” Or, “Don’t worry about the past.”

He wanted to make people feel better, but missed an opportunity.

We have a chance to characterize the past, no matter what it was, to have meaning, significance, and ultimately, a positive mental and emotional outcome.

Reframing

Reframing is the useful and healthy practice of changing the “frame” or context of something.

If you’re like me, a trauma survivor, your ego’s last ditch defense of self-criticism frames everything, large or small, negatively.

And, even now, years of therapy later, with sudden uplift and emotional breakthroughs, I still get impatient.

Here’s a “clip” of internal conversation:

“Lars, you know what’s wrong at this point, get going!”

“Get going,” is really, “What’s wrong with you?”

Or,

“Why haven’t you written 20 books since last year or made hundreds of thousands of dollars from your new blog?”

Subtext: “Okay, so you’ve failed and wasted your life until now, so don’t waste any more time!”

That’s the last gasp of self-criticism, the glob of toothpaste at the end of the negative tube, even now, as I’m doing great stuff.

Ultimate Reframing

Positive Self-Talk is crucial when you turn a corner.

Here it is, what I’ve said and keep saying to myself…the ultimate reframe.

I deserve more than what’s happening right now, I deserve a story of the past that is as positive as it can be.

Otherwise, my present isn’t all it can be.

The ego loves human doing.

Self-talk about the past, kind self-talk, restores the human being.

Listen to the response to that last glob of toothpaste before I throw the glob and the tube into the trash.

“I saved my life. I could have been a monster because of my childhood, but I wasn’t. I’ve been a great spouse, a great parent.”

1-I saved my own life, so I started and saved others. I made an entire healthy generation possible.

That’s it…Ground Zero.

What amount of money, what number of books, what list of external achievements can compare to this truth, this affirmation that turns what appears as a waste to the self-critic into the hero’s quest where he escapes danger, then, goes back and faces that danger for however long it takes to overcome it?

But I didn’t stop there.

2-I’ve succeeded in EVERYTHING in my life that I had the power to do or to change…everything, including the biggest thing, transcending a traumatic childhood.

And finally:

3-By the time I was twenty-five, I’d sung in six of the most prestigious concert halls in New York as part of small, elite choirs; performed major musical theatre roles; appeared as captain of my high school’s quiz team six times; written scores of poems. Plus, later, while holding down almost 40 years of full time administrative work, I wrote and acted in my own plays, started my own marketing company, and, yes, I AM one of the chosen few whose blog posts have been published in Pick the Brain.

So, the ultimate reframe is the ultimate self-affirmation: if I died now, would my legacy be secure?

Yes. That’s why it’s the ultimate reframe.

The Moral of the Story

Yes…the past is only a story.

But, you have the choice to make that story toxic or triumphant.

Through reframing.

Would you allow your child or spouse to torment himself or herself with twisting or diminishing every bit of their past, robbing it of a positive context and so robbing them of a happy present?

Of course not.

Whatever happened to you, whatever you did or didn’t do, the only way to make the best of the present is to make the best of the past.

Ready to save your life? Ready to make it the best it can be?

Then, transform your story. Make it as compassionate, kind, and uplifting as you can.

Because it’s not just about what you’ve done. It’s about who you are and who you’ve been.

The power of story.

Make your story the kindest it can be, fight back and win against toxic impatience.
Stories stick. Own your story, get to ground zero.

You’re worth it. 

Start writing now. 

Lars Nielsen writes full-spectrum communication, and now’s your chance to sign up for his newsletter for his website, Make Message Matter. Go to http://ift.tt/2lJ3kCR and, download his free guide to messaging, “How to Make YOUR Message Matter Cheat Sheet”.

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You’re reading Mind Over Matter: How to Train Your Subconscious Mind Part 1, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Do you think it is possible to train your subconscious mind?

Changing your action without changing the program is futile – in the end.

Here’s a quick test to check this: How many of your (or your friends/family) new year’s resolutions are still going strong?

• Cheated on your low carb diet?
• Fell off the “no-worry-wagon”?
• Lost your temper and went crazy on someone?
• Fell back in love with the person who doesn’t love you back?
• Didn’t ask the boss for that promotion/raise/transfer?
• Just can’t seem to save that extra amount of money?
• Not finding the time to meditate as you promised yourself?

Don’t be too hard on yourself. You are safe, you are loved and you are on a journey with me as your guide for these precious moments. While you are reading this, remain as in-the-moment as you can be.

Now let’s get to work and break this thing open!

When looking inside your head, it is always important to work from a trusted model. Just as a mechanic would not dare to tinker around an engine without a trusted operating manual for the specific model car they are working on, neither should you mess with your Operating System without a trusted guide or structure to ensure you know where you are, where you are heading, what is missing, what is working and what you need to do to fill any gaps.

There are many, many models. Some well-known, some less known, some very good and some not that good. How do you distinguish a good model from a bad model? If you are present and in the moment and connected to whatever you would call your Source / Energy / Spirit, then it will be quite clear: you will feel it, or rather, if it’s not for you, it will feel “off”.

If you are not connected, then simply look at your results in following a specific model. Your reality is the best feedback-loop you can get. If you have terrible results, then you probably have a model that needs to be reviewed or changed.

The model I would like to use for the context of this discussion is by John Kehoe. The reason I like his model, is that it draws from many different disciplines: Zen, Shamanism, Kabbalah, Christianity, Jungian psychology, Neuro-science and his own experience with what he calls the Mysteries of Life. He has found significant success in using his model and has reached hundreds of thousands of people through his message.

For this article we are only going to focus on The Mind and Sub-Conscious. By now you are probably familiar with these two concepts, and you also probably know that they are connected.

The Mind operates in what is called the Known. The Sub-conscious operates in what is called the Unknown. This is also why the sub-conscious is sometimes referred to as the iceberg as it hides about 90% of its content.

Let’s look at the mind first. This is the part of your brain that looks at things logically. It uses reason and makes plans that you then execute  – or not – more about that later. It translates your 5 senses into something practical for everyday use and it groups various pieces of information to assist you so you don’t get overloaded and so that you can feel in control when things get stressful.

It works in the “real world” and is easily verifiable through checking to see if something is true or not. Progress in the KNOWN via the Mind is predictable and mostly slow, but sure. This is where most of your practical knowledge comes into play. It is your Outer World.

The Mind is also passing on information to your Sub-Conscious. It only stops doing this when you sleep and your Sub-Conscious has some time to decompress and reconnect to the Unknown.

Now I don’t know about you, but getting your Mind to switch off is very difficult. In fact it is so difficult that some people dedicate their entire lives trying to accomplish this very thing, by tapping out of normal life and becoming monks.

Your Mind is always passing on bits and pieces of information to your Sub-conscious. It is also interpreting the things it passes on. So you don’t just see the new car you would love to have, you see a person driving one and you think: “There’s my future car, why can’t I have one, but he / she can? They probably earn a lot more money than I do, I wonder what they do, they probably love their job, man my job sucks, I really need to get a new one, but jobs are scarce right now, maybe I should just stay where I am, I can’t talk to my boss – he’ll never listen, I’ll probably be there for a lot longer… I don’t think I will own that car anytime soon, I better just forget about it.”

If you had a bit of a chuckle reading that then you can probably identify with this “running commentary” your mind feeds your Sub-conscious.

What’s not so funny, is the next part of the process:

Your Sub-conscious has no ability to discern what is true and what is false. It takes everything at face value. It does not operate in words and language as that is too limiting and slow. It operates on feelings and emotions. It takes what the Mind gives it, processes the feeling and connects that to the Unknown which is also connected to everything else. You might have heard the term “your vibration” before – this is exactly where it is located – the Unknown.

In the next article in this 2-part series, we’ll be looking at the how the Sub-conscious interprets what the Conscious mind feeds it. Have a close look at the running commentary in your head in the mean time – we are going to delve into that a bit further!

Ann x

You’ve read Mind Over Matter: How to Train Your Subconscious Mind Part 1, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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