You’re reading 4 Easy Tips to Cultivate Calmness, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

The ability to cultivate a sense of inner calm is an important factor when it comes to coping with anxiety. Anxiety, often times, creates physical side effects on one’s health, and the cultivation of calmness and relaxation in both body and mind can serve as a form of release from mental anxiety. Minute changes in your lifestyle and habits can bring unanticipated, positive effects on your wellbeing as a whole. Here are a few easy tips on how you can instill calmness in your daily life.

Develop a calm morning routine, instead of falling prey to a stress-induced morning rush.

A morning ritual can instill a sense of calmness into your life and set the stage for a more relaxing, less anxious day. Although many individuals start off their day in a mental and physical rush, this fast-paced environment is more prone to increased stress levels. It may be helpful to plan out your day the night before, simply by setting aside a few minutes to write down a to-do list or reminders to your future self.

Developing a morning ritual does not have to take up a lot of time; rather, it can be a relaxing exercise to jot down things to remind yourself of doing. It is also helpful to sleep early and set up multiple alarms, so you will not worry about sleeping through only one alarm. Preparing the night before for a potentially stressful day can also evoke peace of mind; for example, you can meal prep for the week during the weekends when you have time, or you can plan out your week’s work, so you do not have to plan as you go. Although this is not necessarily a morning routine, getting into the habit of doing things can exponentially reduce your anxiety and allow you to lead a less rushed life.

Pay attention to how you react to a stressful event or individual.

Self-awareness is key when it comes to handling your anxiety. Often times, our body reacts harshly to stressful situations or even individuals. Although you can never completely avoid stressful situations in your daily life, it is helpful to recognize whenever those events occur, and do your best to prepare on how to cope with them. You might not necessarily be able to control your reaction to an event, but being aware of a potential stressful situation and recognizing the scope of your reaction to it can improve your anxiety in the long run.

Paying attention to your reactions can also help you come up with a plan in case your anxiety might get triggered by certain situations. There are different kinds of triggers in our daily lives — it can be a natural or invisible trigger. For example, a natural trigger can be a stressful workplace situation that you can not necessarily avoid, but an invisible trigger can be if you’ve had too much time to dwell on a concern. Being aware of these natural and invisible triggers are helpful, and you can figure out more effective coping mechanisms.

Develop an attitude for gratitude, and be thankful for the little things in life.

Maintaining positive thoughts, although at times a difficult task, can ultimately be helpful for your anxiety. In order to develop an attitude for gratitude, you don’t have to spend a lot of time dwelling on aspects of your life you are thankful for. In fact, you can spend a few minutes of your day jotting down thoughts of gratitude towards a certain situation, individual, or even natural occurrence.

Many frequent journal-ers have a gratitude notebook to help them put life in perspective, and although this might not directly target your anxiety, journaling can have calming effects on your mind and body. Simply listing down what you are thankful for can evoke a strong sense of gratitude and peace of mind; you don’t have to dedicate a specific allotted time each day to write what you are thankful for — instead, you can list things out as the day progresses, and find that this exercise can also keep your mind healthily occupied as well as boost your mood.

Instead of multitasking, dedicate your mental and physical energy to completing one task at a time.

Although multitasking is often praised in our fast-moving society and workplace, dedicating your energy to a single task at hand is also useful, especially when it comes to managing your anxiety. If you often try to multitask and find yourself overwhelmed at the work you have to do, this could exacerbate your stress levels and be a trigger when you attempt to accomplish them.

Multitasking, although it seems like a relatively normal skill, can be stressful at times, and on days where you are feeling especially stress-induced, it is important to slow things down and take one task at a time, especially in the workplace. Creating a list of things you have to do can also release your stress, as you can cross off each task you have accomplished when you have completed them.

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About the Author of this Post
Terry Nguyen writes articles and blogs for Red Cup Agency. Her other writings about health can be found on the Getting Past Anxiety Facebook page. To experience one woman’s journey through anxiety and how she gets past it without medication, check out Melissa A. Woods’ novel Getting Past Anxiety.

You’ve read 4 Easy Tips to Cultivate Calmness, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading 7 Ways Journaling Can Save Your Life, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

“Whether you’re keeping a journal or writing as a meditation, it’s the same thing. What’s important is you’re having a relationship with your mind.”      ~Natalie Goldberg

My passion for journaling began at the age of ten when my mother handed me a Kahlil Gibran journal to help me cope with my grandmother’s suicide in my childhood home. I poured my fears, tears, and worries onto its pages. I’ve inspired all three of my children to journal, and now, more than five decades later, I continue to journal. I believe that this practice has saved my life on many occasions, including a turbulent adolescence, bedrest with three children, the loss of loved ones, and two bouts of cancer.

The journal or notebook is a powerful tool if you’re a writer, and it is also a tool for wellness. It’s a place to intimately express feelings and emotions, record memories, explore secrets, and transcribe musings. Journaling can help you tap into the depths of your soul. The journal makes no judgments; it is free of editors, critics, and teachers. It is the music and voice of your true emotions. And, journaling regularly can help you with problem-solving and stress reduction.

There is no right or wrong way to journal. The goal is to just get your words down on the page. When you’re beginning to journal, it’s a good idea to write at the same time each day. By doing so, this form of creative expression becomes a habit, as well as an integral part of your daily habits. It’s also wise to date entries so that when you look back on them, you’ll know how you were feeling at a particular time and place.

Here are seven ways keeping a journal can save your life:

1. It provides a container for emotional release. The journal is a place to vent your feelings in a nonthreatening way. Its pages are free of judgment and recrimination, which is particularly valuable when  going through difficult times. It is a safe and private container for you to gather your feelings and then begin to process them, rather than keeping them bottled up inside. Whether you’re affected by change, loss, or pain, finding the time to journal is vital for your emotional health.
2. It helps you on your path to self-discovery and self-awareness. When you write what you’re experiencing and feeling, you’re learning about yourself and what is important to you. Writing about your fantasies and dreams also helps you understand yourself better and will help guide you on your path. The main idea behind journaling is figuring out how to open up and bring awareness into your life.
3. It improves your mental health. Sharing your feelings with a journal is cathartic and can make you feel better when you’re blue. Sometimes it’s a matter of getting things off your chest; you can tell your journal anything, and even if you have a therapist and are engaged in talk therapy, journaling can function as a self-care modality in between therapy sessions.
4. It helps you tap into your authentic self. It’s important to write from a place deep within you when you’re journaling, thereby establishing an authentic relationship with yourself. The more comfortable you are with your true self, the easier it will be to handle stress. It’s also about trusting your inner wisdom, intuition, and heart. If you do so, your true inner voice will emerge on the page.
5. It encourages a grateful attitude. Gratitude encompasses love and appreciation. Writing about and recording what you’re thankful for nurtures a positive and healthy outlook. Studies have shown that people who are the happiest are those who are grateful. It’s also beneficial to look back at your gratitude pages for a boost of inspiration when you’re feeling down.
6. It helps identify life patterns. After journaling for some time, it’s helpful to go back and identify certain patterns that seemed to emerge, as they might be interesting to explore at a deeper level. As Eudora Welty once said, writing is a way of discovering the sequences of the experiences in your life. In this way, connections become clear, and you can connect the past to the present to the future.
7. It fosters a sense of mindfulness. Being mindful means that you are living in the here and now. Journaling helps you be present because it taps into the messages of your heart and soul. Being mindful entails awareness and interconnectedness between your inner and outer worlds. If you are more awake and alert, you can more easily hear the loving messages the universe is sending you.

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Diana Raab, PhD, is an award-winning memoirist, poet, blogger, and speaker who advocates the healing and transformative powers of writing. She’s the author of eight books, is a regular blogger for Psychology Today, and her essays and poetry have been widely published. Her book Writing for Bliss: Telling Your Story and Transforming Your Life is due out in September 2017. You can pre-order on Amazon in May.

For more information, visit: dianaraab.com and Twitter @dianaraab

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You’re reading How to Experience Incredible Insights Each and Every Day, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

In the Movie Limitless, we see Bradley Cooper take an NZT pill before he glimpses the best version of himself.

This person gives him advice he needs to hear, helping him see what he otherwise wouldn’t see. Sometimes what he says hurts, sometimes it’s insightfully brilliant. Either way, what he learns, helps him move forward. He also benefits from:

• Enhanced Memory Recall
• A Huge Increase in Intelligence
• Laser Sharp Focus
• Unbelievable Self-Confidence

How to manufacture your own metaphorical NZT Pill Each Morning

Every morning I meet my doppelganger by writing everything that’s circling within my mind in the third person. I open a Journal application on my computer and let random tidbits of mind data loose, etching them as my mind spills itself wide open.

Here are a couple of excerpts from some of the Journal entries I’ve recently written:

“Samy realises that for his long-term health, one of the best things he can do, is completely avoid sitting one day per week. This will also end being beneficial for his posture, back muscles and breathing.” – 15th February 2017

“One of the stunning revelations Samy had today is that the future in a sense is not his business, it’s the universes’ business. All that’s his business is the present moment, and that he is not a human being because such a label is just a label, but more appropriately, a unit of powerful energy in the cosmos.” – 16th February 2017

As you can see, another part of myself begins to take shape right in front of my eyes, and while sometimes what I write feels a little ludicrous, I take it on board anyway because it allows me to see my life from a different perspective.

How to write your own NZT Journal

The idea is just to let go of everything on your mind in the third person. You shouldn’t think too hard when you write. Sometimes what you write will be filled with annoyances, complaints. Sometimes it’ll be filled with remarks of gratitude and unbelievable insights. Or a mixture of all these.

This will feel unusual at first, and you may even feel strange addressing yourself by name. But there’s a wonderful separation that will begin to ensue as a result of this – almost as if someone else is giving you advice.

We are identified with one frame of thinking

When you have so much going on in your mind (60,000 thoughts per day) – writing your thoughts from a distance, is freeing because it breaks the identification between you and your thoughts.

The exercise is not an exercise in writing; the sentences aren’t meant to be perfect. The point is to let loose, and reflect your mind back to yourself so that you have a more objective view going into the day.

Your doppelganger (journal) can help you rest that thought that’s ricocheting like a bullet inside your head. He or she can let you see how you honestly feel while helping you unravel things. Your doppelganger can give you love, acceptance, and incredible insight.

He or she can give you exactly the words that you need to hear, whatever they may be.

Journaling Helps you Focus

According to author and shame researcher Brene Brown, we live in an age of perceived scarcity. We often start our day with the sentiment that: we didn’t get enough sleep; we’re behind with our work, and so on and so forth.

Journaling in the third person in the morning (the equivalent to an NZT Pill) is one of the most practicals way to break this cycle.

In a way, writing a page every morning is a meeting with the part of yourself that’s often pushed into the background. And in that private meeting, you meet your best self and gain clarity. And that clarity leads to a better mood and a greater likelihood that you’ll make more optimal decisions throughout your day.

Take an NZT Pill every Morning

In James Allen’s book, ‘As a Man Thinketh’, we learn that “the outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to be harmoniously related to his inner state… Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are.” With the daily practice of journaling in the third person, you can see your inner state more clearly, and make corresponding beautiful changes to the inner and outer conditions of your life.

Take an NZT Pill every day; I guarantee it’ll shift the way you lead your life.

Thanks to Steve Pavlina and Keshav Bhatt for inspiring me to write this post.

Last Words

If you’re a creative and interested in learning how to upgrade the way you use your time on this little blue planet, read my free guide on Spiritual Productivity.

• You’ll learn about how to split up your day into four chunks, so you worry less about external influences.
• You’ll discover the small hacks that will take your creative work on your PC to the next level. And much more…

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 Samy Felice is a writer who is passionate about unique ideas related to living a meaningful life. His Free Guide explores ways people can make success easier.

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You’re reading 12 Inspirational Dalai Lama Quotes To Help You Live A Happy Life, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

 

The 14^th and current Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso is the longest lived incumbent.

According to Buddhists beliefs, the Dalai Lama is a reincarnation whose only wish is to bring peace to everyone all over the world. The Dalai Lama is known for his very insightful and soul touching verses.

Below are some of the Dalai Lama’s most inspirational quotes on happiness!

1. On being a better person:

“The goal is not to be better than the other man, but your previous self.”

2. On caring for others:

“I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy. From the very core of our being, we desire contentment. In my own limited experience I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the principal source of success in life. Since we are not solely material creatures, it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness on external development alone. The key is to develop inner peace.”

3. On being to self-centered:

Too much self-centered attitude, you see, brings, you see, isolation. Result: loneliness, fear, anger. The extreme self-centered attitude is the source of suffering.

4. On suffering and anxiety:

Physical comforts cannot subdue mental suffering, and if we look closely, we can see that those who have many possessions are not necessarily happy. In fact, being wealthy often brings even more anxiety.

5. On strength and hope:

When we meet real tragedy in life, we can react in two ways – either by losing hope and falling into self-destructive habits, or by using the challenge to find our inner strength. Thanks to the teachings of Buddha, I have been able to take this second way.

6. On living a happy life:

“The very purpose of our life is happiness, which is sustained by hope. We have no guarantee about the future, but we exist in the hope of something better. Hope means keeping going, thinking, ‘I can do this.’ It brings inner strength, self-confidence, the ability to do what you do honestly, truthfully and transparently.”

7. On compassion:

“If you let anger destroy your peace of mind, it will eventually ruin your own health. So keep compassion ― your mind will remain clear. If you develop full compassion, not let anger or hatred in, then after constant effort for days and months and years, decades, your mental state can change, that much I can tell you through my own little experience.”

8. On tolerance and patience:

Hard times build determination and inner strength. Through them we can also come to appreciate the uselessness of anger. Instead of getting angry nurture a deep caring and respect for troublemakers because by creating such trying circumstances they provide us with invaluable opportunities to practice tolerance and patience.” 

9.     On being content:

“When you are discontent, you always want more, more, more. Your desire can never be satisfied. But when you practice contentment, you can say to yourself, ‘Oh yes — I already have everything that I really need.”

10. On living a meaningful life:

“We are but visitors on this planet. We are here for ninety or one hundred years at the very most. During that period, we must try to do something good, something useful with our lives. If you contribute to other people’s happiness, you will find the true goal, the true meaning of life.”

11. On religion the Dalai Lama says:

“Whether you believe in God or not does not matter so much, whether you believe in Buddha or not does not matter so much; as a Buddhist, whether you believe in reincarnation or not does not matter so much. You must lead a good life. And a good life does not mean just good food, good clothes, and good shelter. These are not sufficient. A good motivation is what is needed: compassion, without dogmatism, without complicated philosophy; just understanding that others are human brothers and sisters and respecting their rights and human dignity.”

12. On responding and handling difficult situation:

“Although you may not always be able to avoid difficult situations, you can modify the extent to which you can suffer by how you choose to respond to the situation.”

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Stefany Liefeld is on a lifelong mission to help people stay positive on their life journey and become their greatest version. She loves babies and all things creative and unusual. Grab her free resource list: 36 Life Changing Resources for a Happier Life.

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You’re reading Stop Chasing Happiness, Instead Be Joyful, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

I have a friend who’s a mechanic from Haiti. Recently, I took my car for a tune-up. I like my friend and mechanic because we talk about life and business in Haiti, as well as a host of other things. Haiti is the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. The mechanic told me an expression used in Haiti that I hadn’t heard until now. And, it goes like this, “Ma voiture est une BM-DOUBLED PIED.”

Instead of saying something like, “My car is a BMW” – the “W” sounding like “double-vey” the Haitians say “double pied” meaning “two feet.” So, Haitians like to say, “My car is a ‘BM Two Feet.'” Meaning, the primary mode of transportation for Haitians is their two feet. Most don’t own cars. Automobiles are considered a luxury.

I’ve often traveled to Haiti. My work in Haiti started after the 2010 earthquake. I’ll tell you that although the country is the poorest nation in the Western Hemisphere, so many of its people are joyful.

The Difference Between Happiness and Joy
If you look at news articles or speak to your friends and co-workers, many people are chasing happiness. Everyone wants to be happy. In fact, some have argued that happiness has become big business in the billions of dollars. There are tens of thousands—probably millions—of articles, programs, classes, and books.

But, there’s a difference between joy and happiness. You can’t have happiness without joy. And, joy is what I found plenty of in Haiti. Those of us living in developed nations can learn a lot from the Haitians and perhaps spend a little less on programs and books that sell happiness to us, but ultimately don’t deliver the greater feeling and value of joy.

Happiness is transitory. It happens when you get a new car, listen to a song you like, speak with someone who inspires you, get a new job you wanted or have a great vacation. All of these things can make you happy.

Joy does not depend on circumstances. Joy is internal. It’s a feeling of completion, hope, and peace. Joy doesn’t depend on the latest iPhone, car, job, or a new pair of shoes. You can be joyful despite having circumstances that would be considered harsh in your life, such as suffering a disease or poverty.

How to Be Joyful
There are some ways to be joyful in your life—no matter the circumstances. Here are some ways I’ve found joy in others and in my life:

• YOU Matter! I have those words in the signature of my email. It was said to me when I was a confused 15-year-old young man by my high school teacher. I think that message is something that many people forget or don’t internalize. YOU Matter! The fact that you’re here on this planet and living this life means you matter. You’re important, and you can be joyful in your life, no matter what’s happening.

• Be Grateful. If you’re grateful every day, you’ll begin to see the changes of having that positivity in your life. Being grateful is a path to joyfulness. I have a colleague and friend that writes every morning in a journal and notes three things she’s thankful for in the morning and then again at night. What she’s found is that it’s an excellent way to start and end the day. She’s also discovered an appreciation for the little things in life, and that has brought her joy.

• Have Fun. Both in my home and at my company’s world headquarters, we don’t take ourselves too seriously. We have a good time. We work hard, but we also allow ourselves to let off some steam. Research has demonstrated that laughter and smiling help people have a positive attitude. If you appear happier, you’ll begin to see people treat you better and you’ll feel better inside. It’s all better energy. And, the better you feel on the inside, the more joyful you’ll ultimately begin to feel.

Finally, finding joy doesn’t come overnight. If you want to be joyful, peaceful and have a better outlook, you have to do your homework. You have to practice joyfulness and the suggestions I shared every day. Keep at it consistently. If you need to remind yourself to practice joyfulness, place an alert on your cell phone or remind yourself in a way you see it each day. After three months of practice, you should experience a more joyful life. You’ll then have what many Haitians have despite natural disasters and poverty.

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Wayne Elsey is the founder and CEO of Elsey Enterprises (EE). Among his various independent brands, he is also the founder and CEO of Funds2Orgs, which is a social enterprise that enables nonprofits, individuals and organizations to raise funds while helping to support micro-enterprise opportunities in developing nations.

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You’re reading How to Beat Your Fear of People and Win a Sparkling Clear Mind, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Darn it! I humiliated myself in public.

And blew it.

…Again.

I was standing literally right under the basketball hoop, completely wide open. And rather than shoot the ball, I turned around, dribbled out, and passed to a teammate.

My team exploded with frustration on the sidelines.

One of the most crushing moments of my life. I felt embarrassed beyond all belief. And I wanted nothing more than to escape from the gym, crawl in a hole, and die.

I shudder and still feel anxious and embarrassed when I think about that moment. Definitely a low point.

Why would I make such a decision? Why would I turn down a shot with a 95% chance of success?

And this, even though I had done quite well in basketball in the past. It was a routine play – even for me.

That happened 7 years ago. I was around 27 then. And I’m 34 today. But now, I’m happily married for 7 years (Bekah would tell you), own a house, love my work, and wake up excited to start the new day.

Nothing Destroys Your Ability To Think Clearly More Than Addiction

Absolutely nothing.

I can tell you from firsthand experience.

Compound this with social anxiety disorder (social phobia), an extreme fear of people and “failing” in public, and my mind was a muddled mess.

My addiction intensified my social anxiety disorder by 100 times. And my social anxiety made it overwhelmingly difficult to open up to others and share what’s really going on with me.

Both fed off each other, creating a vicious downward cycle that only got worse.

Simple tasks, like calling customer service, telling my wife why I was angry or afraid, or even driving, looked nearly impossible.

How’d I Become a Social Phobic and Addict?

Keeping it short, I was always intensely anxious around people. I distinctly remember clinging to my father’s leg in fear, my face red with embarrassment, when some adults suggested I join some kids I didn’t know in a different room at a friend’s birthday party.

Scary stuff for me at that age (4 or so).

I also grew up in a home with emotionally unavailable parents. My father was an alcoholic. Mom was raging with anger because she was so depressed about it (although she’s never realized it).

So, my dad was physically present. But, that’s it. His mind was elsewhere, unable to pay attention to my needs. Perpetually angry about something, my mom was mentally lost also.

And me? Well, I was forgotten. So, I grew up with intense feelings of shame about myself. I felt guilty because mostly negative emotions like anger and criticism came at me. And I felt lonely and afraid because I never really told anyone how I felt about, well, anything.

So, I lived my young life entirely inside my own mind. Occasionally, I tried to reach out and break the isolation. But, I couldn’t consistently do so in a meaningful way that allowed me to connect with anyone else (parents, friends, teachers, or other authority figures).

I’d told a few friends about these issues. They’re response: ”Well, crap.”

They didn’t know what to do. They wanted to help. But, they had no idea how.

I don’t hold any animosity toward them. It just speaks to the powerfully confounding nature of social anxiety and addiction.

My Mind Overflowed with Self-Destructive Noise

The social anxiety was present. The fear built from ages 4-10. My first check-out from reality was actually in video games. I’d play those alone for hours. And it was hard to pull myself away.

That, of course, intensified the fear of people. I wasn’t learning to have healthy relationships with others. I learned to keep everything inside.

Around 12-14, my addiction took off. I discovered it through my friends. And then I turned to my addiction more and more on my own when I learned how to access it myself.

If you’re not an addict, addictions only destroy. I gradually became increasingly obsessed with finding more ways to spend additional time on my addiction. I fantasized about it most of the day. And since I was so consumed with it, I never once thought of how I could connect with and help others.

The addiction shot my self-esteem through the floor and my social anxiety through the roof. Working together, video games, the addiction, and social anxiety ran my mind 24/7.

Real life, like paying attention at school, doing my best in sports, was an interruption to my private fantasy world.

When I wasn’t consumed with one of those, I was caught up in some extremely unrealistic emotion. I believed anyone who merely looked at me in a way I didn’t like had a passionate hatred of me.

Or, I focused on how much I hated myself. And in other cases, I figured people would simply disapprove, so I was afraid.

Talk about a noisy mess!

I still managed to pull good grades through all this. So, intellectually I somehow did fine.

But I likely never came close to my full potential.

My mind was neither here nor there. It was everywhere but in the present.

In high school, I earned a reputation for being crazy. I was out-of-control with alcohol, a totally different person than the shy, anxious individual people saw during the day.

Shocking. But also entertaining. I may have been the most popular person in high school.

But I hated myself. I couldn’t stand me. Ick!

This Horrific Pattern Continued for Decades…What Changed?

As far as most people go, I became aware of my issues early. At 19, I had self-diagnosed as an addict and a social phobic.

So, I went to recovery meetings at that age.

But, it wasn’t happily ever after. It took me about a decade before I managed two years of sobriety.

And then I lost it again.

Today, I have nearly 3 years of sobriety and am going strong.

What changed?

I finally learned to prioritize self-growth over all else. For me, I’d battle with workaholism and material success in favor of personal growth.

You can get away with that. But only for a while. If you don’t put your recovery first after some point in time, your addiction takes over and forces you to relapse and act on it.

That’s what it means to be an addict.

Some people can simply stop certain behaviors. But addicts eventually lose all power and control to stop themselves from acting on their addictive behaviors if they don’t work a thorough recovery program ahead of all else.

I couldn’t get that perspective at the time, though. Relapsing was still my responsibility. But, I chose a bad thing and acted on my addiction.

Fortunately, it didn’t cost me my house, job, or marriage. But it was emotionally devastating.

Remember all those feelings of shame, guilt, and fear of people I grew up with?

They came back with 100 times more intensity…with just a single decision. Yeah. Again.

Think social anxiety’s painfully awful? Addiction makes it a nightmare you can’t wake up from. And no one else can get you out.

Life was so awful I slowly decided it was time to grow up. But only one day at a time.

I had rolled around in my addiction for nearly two decades. So, despite the fact it was dreadfully painful, it was familiar. Acting on it didn’t seem so bad.

However, with a clearer mind today, it certainly looks like a foolish decision.

What Changed Everything

This time around, I decided to prioritize growth at all costs. Even ahead of work and my wife.

That included overcoming both the social anxiety and addiction.

You can’t do just one or the other and expect to stay sober. Intense anxiety triggers your addiction. That doesn’t guarantee a relapse. But it does make one more likely.

So, inch-by-inch, I decided to take new actions that would change my thinking.

Something’s painful to talk about? Too bad. I did it anyway. Otherwise, I’d feel my addiction prepping to take control again.

The person on the other end of the phone was giving me crap? I had to stand up for myself – even though I didn’t feel worth it.

My mind would still feel anxious about other people or future events. Instead of letting it swirl in my head and gain power, I had to talk about it with my wife or someone in the program.

Someone disagrees? Again, I stated my side of the issue, but without being angry.

A person at work wasn’t following through on their side of the relationship? I had to approach them and clarify the issue.

Did I say something rude or nasty? I had to walk up to that person and say I was sorry and where I was wrong.

Was I getting amped up and ready to work a long day? I had to cut myself off and just sit down and relax (super difficult for me).

Was I afraid to take the shot? This time I had to do it, and live with the outcome, good or bad.

In addition, I also had to:

• Prioritize serving others ahead of doing anything for myself
• Constantly look at my role in interpersonal conflict and see what I could do differently to make that relationship as healthy as possible
• Quickly forgive others for the wrongs they caused me
• Make amends for harms done years ago during my active addiction
• Learn to “let go” in life instead of taking control, which I often try to do through workaholism
• Cease all other unhealthy behaviors, like working too long and playing video games

Painful? Shocking?

You bet.

This stuff was completely new to me. I had to repeat it daily for a couple years.

But it worked.

My Mind Today Is a Peaceful Haven I Love To Go To

Today, my mind is an awesome place to be. However, I still have to be careful because sometimes my addiction and social anxiety flare up. Sometimes, it’s not clear why. If I’m not sure about a particular thought or action, I simply run it by my wife and some people in the recovery program I trust to give a realistic perspective.

I like being in my mind in a healthy way. It no longer tells me how worthless I am. Instead, it focuses on what’s good about life, even though I have difficult financial circumstances.

I generally think positively about others. I can’t wait to talk to most people. My sense of humor has returned. And I intuitively know how to handle situations that used to absolutely confound me.

My wife regularly says, in a positive way,”Who are you and what have you done with my husband?”

I love running my web-based business. It’s fun and challenging. And I make better decisions than ever.

I’m highly involved in the community. People respect me. Others value my advice.

I still have social anxiety and fear of people. And the addiction pokes and prods too.

But neither master my life. Both used to create overwhelming feelings so intense they made Mt. Everest look small and unintimidating.

Now, they cause unpleasant feelings from time-to-time. But I just look at those and let them pass by.

No big deal, really.

I’m not a perfect person or stoic sage.

But clear-headed?

You bet.

Love this? You’ll also enjoy this free, 11-part email series that boosts your confidence, happiness, serenity, connection, and clarity: 11 Breakthrough (And Proven) Strategies to Keep You Forever Free from Social Anxiety

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You’re reading 7 Steps To Make “Uncomfortable” Your Long-Term Companion, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.  So if you’re feeling uncomfortable right now, know that the change taking place in our life is a beginning, not an ending.”  Neale Donald Walsch.

Do you know that uncomfortable feeling when you step outside your comfort zone?  It’s those moments you put yourself “out there” for pushing yourself but still feel anxious, embarrassed, or just plain old awkward.   As a child, it may have happened when you jumped on a bicycle for the first time without training wheels.  But later in on life it happens when you stand up in front of an audience to speak for the first time. Or in your job, you put yourself into a position of leadership or risk.  Most of us may hate feeling uncomfortable. But we sometimes struggle through it, because of the results that help us grow.

Our travels to outside the comfort zone

Throughout our lives, we routinely step outside our comfort zones.  It happens when we start a new job, move to a new place that is unfamiliar, face a major life shift like birth or death, start a business, or push ourselves to more fully evolve into our career. Stepping outside our comfort zone also happens when we decide to take a bold step forward to push ourselves either mentally, emotionally, or physically to a place that both frightens and excites us at the same time.

But whether we like it or not, a close companion to stepping outside our comfort zone is a heavy feeling of uncomfortable.  The tricky part is sometimes not just how to step outside your comfort zone but how to stay in that zone.

7 steps to make feeling uncomfortable work for you

So if we know that feeling uncomfortable is simply a part of stepping outside our comfort zone and a necessary part of growing personally and professionally, how can we endure it?  Or could we even embrace it?

Here are 7 steps to help you make that step outside your comfort zone.

Step 1: Acknowledge the discomfort.  Instead of avoiding the feeling, sit with it. Write about it or even talk about this with someone you trust.  Allow yourself to feel these feelings.  It is an essential first step to helping you process.

Step 2: Identify the cause of your discomfort. When you step outside your comfort zone, it is easy to over-generalize and amplify the problem.   You might think, “I shouldn’t have taken that step out of my comfort zone.”  But instead you can say, “When I stepped outside my comfort zone, I felt afraid that people would laugh at me.”  By uncovering the concern that is causing your discomfort, you can help weaken its power over you.

Step 3: Confront your fear.  Very often, when we step outside our comfort zone and feel uncomfortable, it is because of fear.  Facing our fear and putting it in its place you can help minimize the fear itself.   Remember, it is perfectly fine to feel fear.  But remember it is a fear-not necessarily a truth. But when truly we face our true fears we can understand they are not necessarily realities.

Step 4:  Quiet your mind.  Once you have processed your feelings, step away for a time and let perspective set in.  Often, we try to think our way out of feeling uncomfortable. I have personally found it helpful to give my brain a little break. It allows my intuition to help me figure out which direction I want to go.

Step 5: Make failure an option. What if you gave yourself a “pass” if you failed?   What if you treated failure as part of the process?  Giving yourself a break and pull the pressure off.  I routinely rely on a standard phrase, “the most successful people have failed the most.”  Failure can be our best education for success.

Step 6: Adopt self-care strategies.  When you put yourself in an uncomfortable space, it can be exhausting.  Your brain is not on automatic pilot and you are in unfamiliar territory. Find ways to take care of yourself while you are willing to sit with being uncomfortable.  Lean on friends more.  Give yourself space to regroup.  Know that you are pushing yourself and you need some extra attention.

Step 7: Remember being uncomfortable has been your companion before.
Can you remember a period of personal growth where you were uncomfortable but were able to achieve something for yourself?  Use that experience as a way to move forward.

 

There is real value in facing that feeling of being uncomfortable because moving through it – rather than avoiding it – can help you grow.

By living with the uncomfortable, you can accept your circumstances more whatever they may be.  You are also more likely to take more risks, accept failure with more grace, push yourself further. And maybe just maybe, you can feel a little less uncomfortable with stepping outside your comfort zone.

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Attention Pick the Brain Readers!

Do you want to wake up feeling more fresh, calm, and ready to take on the day? If so then grab a copy of this free guide:  8 Steps to Create a Morning Routine That Gives You More Time, Productivity, & Peace. 

Danielle is a certified coach focused on career and lifestyle issues. She runs her blog Time for You helping high achieving professionals find ways to take a bold step forward while maintaining work-life balance.

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You’re reading 19 Quotes to Inspire Self-knowledge, Self-inquiry, and Self-esteem, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

We often can’t control what happens in a lifetime. Every one of us is inevitably going to encounter a number of triumphs and tragedies, many of which we have control over, but many of which we don’t.

What we can choose, however, is how we respond to each situation, and how these significant life events impact our sense of self and our relationship to the world.

If you’re going through an uncertain period, or you are simply curious to explore what it means to be you, then these quotes will inspire you towards that change.

Here are 19 Quotes to inspire self-knowledge, self-inquiry, and self-esteem!

“There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self.” – Benjamin Franklin

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The one self-knowledge worth having is to know one’s own mind.” – F.H Bradley

“Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.” – Buddha

“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.” – Henry David Thoreau

“To know oneself, one should assert oneself. Psychology is action, not thinking about oneself.” – Albert Camus

“To trust one’s mind and to know that one is worthy of happiness is the essence of self-esteem.” – Nathaniel Branden

“It’s not your job to like me – it’s mine.” – Byron Katie

“Someone else’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality.” – Les Brown

“Your own self-realization is the greatest service you can render the world.” – Sri Ramana Maharshi

“One secures the gold of the spirit when he finds himself.” – Claude M. Bristol

“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.” – Mark Twain

“He who knows others is clever; He who knows himself has discernment.” – Lao Tsu

“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” – Carl Jung

“There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.” – Aldous Leonard Huxley

“Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered – either by themselves or by others.” – Mark Twain

“You were not born a winner, and you were not born a loser. You are what you make yourself be.” – Lou Holtz

“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on.” – Maxwell Maltz

“Self-care is never a selfish act – it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others.” – Parker Palmer

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” – Steve Jobs

Attention Pick the Brain Readers

Would you like to learn more about how your own mind works?

Then take our FREE psycho-metric style personality quiz and receive personalized feedback:

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Ben Fishel is a freelance writer, and the creator of Project Monkey Mind – a blog that delves deep into psychology, spirituality, and the mind, and offers practical wisdom for the digital age.

Don’t forget to follow Project Monkey Mind on Facebook!

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You’re reading 12 Refreshing Tips On How To Live A Stress-Free Life in 2017, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

The Internet is full of resources on time management, tips for a stress-free life, and finding work-life balance.  Since we are unique creatures with varying personalities and goals, it’s nearly impossible to come up with a formula to a better lifestyle. The most we can do is to search, test, and share techniques that worked for us.

In the bestselling self-help book Nine Things Successful People Do Differently, Heidi Grant Halvorson noted the science-based strategies on stress management. The principles, including having self-compassion and remembering the “big picture,” are recommended both for business and personal productivity. One of the most important tactics Halvorson shares is looking at your shortcomings with kindness and understanding. A study published in the Journal of Research of Personality suggests that self-compassion has significant positive association with happiness, optimism, and personal initiative. People with self-compassion are less depressed and more successful.

For 2017, I vowed to make changes in my life. I refuse to waste away my energy worrying and devote my time on those that truly matter. Here are 12 techniques that helped me glide through the last year that might help you as well.

#1: (Really) know yourself more

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How do you know yourself? Do you fully understand what triggers your anxiety, or what calms you down? In 1921, renowned psychoanalyst Carl Jung’s Psychological Types introduced two major personalities, the introverted and the extroverted types. Generally, an introvert draws energy from spending time in solitude while an extrovert functions better when surrounded by other people. Two years after Jung’s publication, the mother-daughter tandem of Katharine Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myers began their study on the various personality types. They later came up with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) with the main purpose of making Jung’s theory of psychological types “understandable and useful in people’s lives.”

By taking the MBTI, you’d have a deeper understanding on your perception, strengths and weaknesses, emotions, and how you deal with others. Your personality can also explain your workplace habits, guiding you on how to plan your next career moves.

#2: Understand your mental condition

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For some people, following a set of recommended steps to a stress-free life is not as easy as it seems. There may be an underlying medical condition that hinders you from calming your nerves. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, roughly 18% of US adults are suffering from an anxiety disorder. This mental condition is characterized by restlessness or irritability, feeling tense and jumpy, pounding of heart and shortness of breath, upset stomach, fatigue, and insomnia. The treatments available include psychotherapy, anti-anxiety, and antidepressant drugs, and alternative medicine such as yoga and meditation.

Anxiety can make other conditions such as depression and sleeping problems worse. If your anxiety is interfering with your daily activities, see a doctor immediately.

#3: Be kinder to yourself

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Our mistakes and failures help define us. If your relationship didn’t work out, there’s a reason for that. For many years, I also beat myself up for a relationship that ended bitterly. There were nights when I would replay our last days together to analyze what I did wrong and how I could’ve made the situation better. I only benefitted from these painful reminiscing when I finally decided to move on and learn from these mistakes. The same goes with my business decisions. Whenever I make a wrong turn, I briefly identify the problems, draft a solution, and move on to my next course of action. As Louise L. Hay wrote in You Can Heal Your Life, “Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving yourself and see what happens.”

#4: Aspire for quality sleep

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One key to a better life is adequate sleep. The National Sleep Foundation recommends that adults aged 18 to 64 should get seven to nine hours of uninterrupted sleep each night. Working as a manager in a real estate company is not an easy undertaking. Meetings can last for hours, leaving me too exhausted to doze off at bedtime. Sleep deprivation has a serious impact on your well-being. It can increase your risk to diabetes, heart disease, and hypertension, and weaken your immunity. According to the Harvard Medical School, insufficient sleep affect mental performance. “Concentration, working memory, mathematical capacity, and logical reasoning are all aspects of cognitive function compromised by sleep deprivation,” it warns.

How do I manage to get right amount of sleep each night? I regulate my caffeine consumption. I skip coffee after 5 p.m. I also set a rule to disconnect from any electronic device (cellphone, laptop, and TV) at least an hour before bedtime. Finally, I decluttered my bedroom to free my mind from distractions.

#5: Push yourself to exercise

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Like many people, I had my love-hate relationship with my rubber shoes. I could come up with the lamest excuses just to avoid going to the gym. Then about two years ago, I noticed that I could barely keep up with my older sisters when we go  malling on weekends. They called my attention. I was breathing hard and sweating profusely after only 15 minutes of walking. I weighed 20 kilos above my normal weight and I got tired easily.

Getting into a fitness program is like climbing a mountain. The hardest part is the beginning. Once you get the hang of it, your body will demand it. I didn’t place any pressure on myself. First, I set an achievable goal—to log an hour of moderate exercise per day, three times a week. Then, I increased it to two hours, including 30 minutes of vigorous exercise. I also took note of my diet. I only eat the amount of calories I can burn in the gym. I lost 10 kilos in six months. More than losing weight and being able to move more freely, my perspective in life changed. I learned to listen to my body and prioritize its needs.

#6: Less salt and fast food treats

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I only realized that I’ve been consuming too much sodium when I stopped eating in fast food restaurants for a month. Why did I do it? It was more of an experiment I placed upon myself after watching the Academy Award nominated documentary Super Size Me. In the 2004 documentary, American independent filmmaker Morgan Spurlock ate only  McDonald’s food for 30 days. The result? Spurlock gained 11 kilos, and increased his body mass by 13% and his cholesterol to 230 mg/dL. Scary!

My schedule was jampacked, juggling work, writing, and pursuing other endeavors. I usually had working brunches in fast food restaurants. The only time I cooked my food, which were not exactly healthy, were on weekends. Super Size Me gave me a new perspective. I came up with a challenge—to stop eating out for a month. The changes were amazing. I couldn’t stand too much salt anymore and preferred to prepare my food. Most importantly, I recognized a drastic change in my mood. I was less stressed and irritable.

#7: Declutter your life

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Your unkempt kitchen, messy work desk, and pile of clothes in your bedroom are stressors. Professor Joseph Ferrari of DePaul University in Chicago said: “It’s the danger of clutter, the totality of one’s possessions being so overwhelming that it chips away at your well-being, relationships, and more, drowning in a sea of stuff.” He noted that a chaotic and disorderly living space can disturb your “sense of home and ability to bond with others.”

Organizing consultant and author Marie Kondo shares some tips on how to declutter your space. Keep only the items that make you happy or those that “spark joy.” Clean by category, not by location. You can start with your closet. Place your pile of clothes in a corner and decide on every item. You’d realize how much stuff you’ve accumulated. This also applies with your work area. The cleaner your desk, the clearer your mind!

#8: Use technology to make jobs easier, not more complicated

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We have an app for nearly every type of activities, from tracking a project to monitoring our heartbeat. Use these to help you finish tasks faster. How do you choose the right app for you? You can choose those with good reviews from fellow users. Try them and decide whether they work for you or not. If you run your own firm or manage some areas of company’s operations, take advantage of outsourcing. You can’t run a stress-free business if you try to do things on your own. One area you can outsource is your social media management. Explore bots that can help handle the influx of queries or a third-party firm that can aid in your social media marketing strategies. Discover Customer Relationship Management (CRM) systems that can help your sales team monitor accounts and activities, and generate reports.

#9: Revisit a hobby you’ve been neglecting

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Do you have a passion that you keep on putting off? This may be a cause of your high stress levels. Before I joined the workforce, I have been a film enthusiast and a prolific reader. I also submitted poems and short stories to several publications in and out of campus. I was convinced that working in the corporate somehow drained my creative juice. Organizing my schedule to allow time for film watching, reading, and writing not only reduced my stress. It also boosted my energy in the office and kept my moods high even on the toughest of days.

#10: Disconnect as you see fit

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Is it the fact that you’re online, or that you know you can get summoned for work anytime, that’s causing you stress? According to a new study, “Exhausted But Unable To Disconnect,” the anticipatory stress and expectation of answering after-office-hours emails are adding pressure to employees. “If an organization perpetuates the ‘always-on’ culture, it may prevent employees from fully disengaging from work, eventually leading to chronic stress,” said study author Liuba Belkin of Lahigh University.

As a manager in a real estate company, I was guilty of putting my team on edge 24/7. I didn’t care if they’re resting at home or spending the holiday with their family. I sent them text messages or emails regarding their prospecting and sales activities. Later on, I noticed that we’re all stressed and agitated about work. Sales is an ongoing process, making it tough for us to impose a rule on disconnecting at certain hours. However, our team came up with an idea—I’d ask for their reports before we go off to holidays. If a sales agent is closing a sale on a holiday, he/she would let me know the approximate time I can expect his call for assistance or updates. When the business is done, we’d disconnect.

#11: Walk as often as you can

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Walking has therapeutic effects. Do you know that a 10-minute walk can be as good to your mind and body as a 45-minute workout? Whenever my many activities leave me burnt out, I grab my trainers and walk around our neighborhood. Walking has a strong symbolism for me—I leave the worries behind me with every step I take.  Then, I enjoy a hot cup of tea and listen to soothing music. These I do before going back to a strenuous work.

#12: Live in the present

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“The only thing that is ultimately real about your journey is the step that you are taking this very moment. That’s all there ever is,” says Eckhart Tolle. For many years, I struggled with anxiety. I didn’t understand where my illogical fears were coming from until I talked to a professional. I was encouraged to do therapy, one of which is meditation. Meditation is not easy for first timers. I couldn’t shut out my mental discourses and usually ended up frustrated after a meditation session. Eckhart Tolle’s Power of Now was my answer. It involved a mindset: being conscious about the present moment. I started by paying close attention to the sensations of my skin, the rhythm of my breathing and my surroundings. Whenever a difficult situation hits me, I stop and ask myself, “Do I have problem at this very minute?” The answer is usually no. According to Tolle, unless it’s quite rare to encounter a problem in the present moment. Most of our worries are in the past and future, which are inexistent.

It is said that stress is the norm of our modern society. It is the norm because we make it so. Dare to change your lifestyle. At the end of the day, you’re the captain of your ship.

 

You’ve read 12 Refreshing Tips On How To Live A Stress-Free Life in 2017, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading Powerful Lessons On ‘Letting Go’ By The Great Thinkers, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

One of the most popular Stoic philosophers in history is Marcus Aurelius. He was the emperor of Rome from 161 AD to 180 AD and ruled during a time of extreme turmoil. He campaigned in many wars, saw extreme poverty and suffering and turned to writing as a way of ‘making sense’ of it all. He is well known for his untitled journal writings which are now referred to as The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius. His writings have influenced and helped millions of people over the last two centuries and are the basis for many self-help gurus and even therapy courses.

One of his primary teachings is based on the concept of letting go of things we cannot control. This is a profound lesson coming from someone who, arguably, had a whole lot of control and power as the emperor of Rome.

What You Cannot Control

“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” – Marcus Aurelius

According to Marcus Aurelius, there are very few things you can control beyond your opinion. Examples of things you cannot control are health, reputation, wealth and prosperity — to name a few. Although you may be able to influence health, for example, by having a proper diet, you still do not have complete control whether or not you are unfortunate and get cancer.

The reason Aurelius says to not focus on things you cannot control is that by doing so, you cause yourself great suffering. It’s like trying to force someone to love you when you know that you can’t make someone love you. Chasing after unrequited love just prolongs your suffering and makes you feel completely helpless. The advice most people give with unrequited love is to move on. Marcus Aurelius is simply saying that we need to realize this lack of control exists over a lot of other things we choose to suffer about (health, reputation, wealth, etc.) We need to learn to let go of the things we cannot control and learn how to move on.

What You Can Control

So what do we focus on if almost everything outside of us is out of our control? We focus on the way we perceive the world. We concentrate on the way we treat others and how we act. You know you can’t control how others behave, but you know you can control how you behave. Whether or not in the morning you decide to be nice to the barista at the coffee shop or you decide to be mean. Whether you choose to take on new exciting opportunities or you choose to hide away from the world. Whether or not you see a rainy day as a tragedy or an opportunity to gleefully jump in the puddles. Your thoughts and actions are what you have control over, not how the world reacts to them.

The power of knowing what you can and cannot control is that it gives you more energy and productivity. Instead of spending hours worrying, plotting, scheming, creeping people on social media or manipulating others — you have all that time and energy into making positive choices in life. You can instead take up new hobbies, read a book or invest in any other self-improvement path you find interesting. You will also feel so much ‘lighter’ without the circular negative thinking about trying to control everything.

Although Marcus Aurelius ruled nearly two-thousand years ago, his wisdom is still applicable today. You can find a list of his best quotes here, or listen for free to his audio books on Youtube, along with other famous Stoic teachers such as Epictetus and Seneca.

You’ve read Powerful Lessons On ‘Letting Go’ By The Great Thinkers, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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