You’re reading Live. Love. Explore: The Way of the Traveler, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better…The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.

Theodore Roosevelt

Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought, “I’m living someone else’s life”? I have. The realization came as I watched The Motorcycle Diaries, a romanticized version of Che Guevera traveling across South America relying on the kindness of strangers. The movie touched a spark in my soul. It woke me up. At the time I was a broker in the city of London, severely depressed and ready to give up on everything.  Sounds melodramatic, I know.  But it also happens to be true.

I would stay in my house and when I wasn’t sleeping I was self-medicating. It was a profoundly unsustainable way to live. Despite being surrounded by millions of people I felt completely alone. I had lost all form of human connection and I desperately needed it back. The pain forced me into a decision that would change my life forever.

I quit my job and decided to live by a set of ideals I now call the Way of the Traveler. A set of ideals that first germinated on a hilltop in Nepal but came to life on the rain-slicked streets of London.

What is the Way of the Traveler you may ask? Well, it means something different to each person but for me, it meant giving up on my externally successful life and trying to escape the internal pain I was hiding from others.  It became a way of life. I left my house, and my life (including all the pain that came with it. I hoped). I decided I was going to travel the world trying to connect with others face to face. Human connection was going to be my fuel…

What the Way of the Traveler tries to do is to help you determine where your passion truly lies and how to take steps to achieve your dreams. It creates a jumpstart to help you find the courage to live ‘your’ life. The beautiful one waiting for each and every one of us…

Leaving your job and family isn’t the only way to take the first step toward your dreams. What I will say is taking small risks is often the only way to get started. If you want to become a writer you can’t just say, “I’m a writer” and hey presto you become Orwell overnight. You have to be willing to take that first very important step; it’s a risky one, though. It’s admitting you’re not happy with your life. For me acknowledging that I wasn’t happy didn’t change things right away. After many nights of self-pity, I found the courage needed to change.

And you can too.

I fought through the fear and I left for my travels around the world. That trip would spark what would become my life’s goal of traveling while helping others feel empowered and feel seen; Viscerally seen by another human being until we find the strength to see ourselves.

So often we try to convince ourselves that we’re not good enough to dream, let alone work toward achieving our dreams. I’m here to tell you if this is what you think you are mistaken. If no one believes in you, know that this Englishman does. He may not know who you are, but he believes in your right to live magnificently. Truly magnificently.

But there is a cost to living fully. And that cost is that people may not like your choices. They may not like your newfound magnificence that shines as brightly as the brightest star. That’s the risk you take… Are you in? Or are you going to go back to the sadness and the boredom? The beauty of this life is that ultimately you get to choose.

The Way of the Traveler asks that you allow yourself to determine what your wildest dreams are. Do you want to become a doctor, an actor, or a world traveler? Nothing starts until you take that first leap into the unknown! It sounds cliché to say this but I’ve met so many people who once they move past the mental block of negativity that’s stopping them begin to soar. Magnificently.

What are 3 things big or small you could do today to start realizing your dreams? Maybe it’s going back to school, or writing one page of your screenplay a night. Whatever it is unless you embrace your ability to chase the impossible it will never happen. And then the magnificence that is waiting patiently to shine will be lost. Maybe forever.

Although the Way of the Traveler asks a lot of each of us, there’s no way to do this alone. This means we have to take a realistic look at those around us. When you tell people your wildest dreams, do they laugh and discourage you, or are they supportive and push you? If they don’t support you it may be difficult to completely take them out of your life. But what you can do is not let them get in your way and surround your self with likeminded people who support your dreams.

I call them accidental heroes! Find them. And keep them close.

When you find your accidental heroes; it will take energy and love to keep them around. If you’re there for each other and share the pain it takes to achieve your goals nothing can stop you. Do you have people like this in your life? Who are they?

Sometimes we will hit setbacks on our way toward happiness. For me, it was ending up right back where I fought so hard to escape, behind a desk (or my slab of wood as I like to call it…). It’s important that during these times we take the time to stop and see the magic. My moment was seeing a homeless chap holding up a sign that read, “Kindness is the best medicine”. This one moment catapulted my next travel adventure of driving a vintage yellow motorbike (with a sidecar) across the globe giving life-changing gifts to unsuspecting good Samaritans. Kindness is a two-way street. It’s not just about receiving kindness it’s also about profoundly giving it away. Like its confetti.

When we find ourselves disconnected from the things and people we value most we need to take a minute to see how far we’ve come. Don’t be deterred by failure. Failing is one of the best learning lessons we can experience. It gives us an opportunity to stop and reflect. The best way to move past failure is to turn it on its head, turn it into a success.

Remember the only reason we failed was because we had the courage to try in the first place.  Just ask Winston Churchill, Gandhi, and Martin Luther King Jr. about failure. Their lives were filled with roadblocks but more often than not it was their successes that shaped our world.  If you can change your perception of what failure is you can face any setback thrown at you.

Following your passion is not easy; you will have days where you want to give-up. Many days. On these days I say reward yourself for all the hard work you’re putting in toward living your greatest life. You deserve it! When I find myself in this state I turn my favorite song on really loud and I dance. I dance and I don’t stop dancing until I feel better. I believe you can tackle anything, just keep your head up and dance.

Grab life by the arm and never stop dancing.

Ready for more?

If you’re interested in learning more about The Way of the Traveler my book Live, Love, Explore: Discover the Way of the Traveler a Roadmap to the Life You Were Meant to Live, published by Readers Digest, is available online or at your local bookstore.

The Kindness Diaries a 13 part series that documents my worldwide sidecar adventure is now streaming on Netflix: http://ift.tt/2mdjLYP

About Leon Logothetis: 

Leon Logothetis is a global adventurer, motivational speaker, philanthropist, and author of the bestselling memoir The Kindness Diaries. He gave up his job as a broker and his home in London for a life on the road. Leon has now visited more than 90 countries and traveled to every continent. He is the host of the TV series Amazing Adventures Of A Nobody, which is broadcasted across the world by National Geographic. Leon has documented his travels for numerous media outlets including Good Morning America, Los Angeles Times, San Francisco Chronicle, Outside, Good, Psychology Today, and The New York Times.

You’ve read Live. Love. Explore: The Way of the Traveler, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

http://ift.tt/2mdaBvx

You’re reading How to Learn Any Language On Your Own (Step-by-Step Guide), originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Learning a language on your own is not easy. But it is possible with the right strategy.

While we suggest finding a teacher or partner that can help shorten your learning curve, we also understand that not everyone has the budget or time.

Over the past few years, we’ve heard from many of our student who have tried learning a language on their own. They’ve shared from their own experience what they wish they would’ve done differently.

Know how you best learn

This is the single biggest feedback we’ve gotten from people who’ve taken the solo learning path. It turns out that some people are designed to learn new things on their own, while some of us are the contrast.

For example, some of us learn best by listening, while others retain more information when reading something (check out the 7 major learning styles). You have to reflect on your previous experience to understand how you’ve best learnt new skills in the past.

Unfortunately, most of us have been forced to learn via a limited learning style because of the traditional education system we grew up with. In short, not everyone is designed to learn new skills on their own. And by being self-aware of your shortcomings upfront, you can save yourself a lot of time, stress, and hassle.

 

Know why you’re learning a language

If you have decided to learn a language on your own, the biggest obstacle for most people is persistency. In most cases, learning anything on your own will take much longer than getting professional help and guidance from someone who’s done it before.

This is why you need to have a strong inner purpose of why you’re learning a language. Maybe your family speaks another language, and you want to feel a deeper connection with them. Perhaps your spouse comes from a different culture, and you want to be able to communicate with his/her family.

Understanding why you’re learning a language is what’s going to inspire you to go through that lesson manual, attend those language exchanges, and to continue grinding it out when things inevitably gets tough.

If you’ve attended our free language masterclass, then you know we’ve discussed the cycles of the mastery curve. In case you missed it, the process of mastery is never a straight upward curve, no matter how talented you are. It’s a series of ups and downs, with many plateaus that come with it.

Have a firm end-goal in mind

Once you know why you’re learning a language, you must have a firm end-goal in mind. Otherwise, you don’t have a target that aligns with your purpose.

Is your end goal to reach conversation proficiency? Or perhaps you want to become a fluent speaker.

But that’s only the first step. We also have to know in what timeframe we want to achieve our goals. If you have an overseas trip coming up in July, you may want to aim to hit your goal by May or June. If you’re learning for fun, you can be a little more lenient, but you still want to have a specific deadline.

Why do we want to do this? Because of Parkinson’s Law, which states that the amount of time that one has to perform a task is the amount of time it will take to complete the task. This means that often when we give ourselves 12 months to learn something, we’ll subconsciously spend 12 months learning it. Versus if we gave ourselves only 7 months, we’ll force ourselves to learn within that timeframe.

Now that we have our prerequisites, we’ll share our step-by-step process on how to learn a language on your own.

 

1. Find the right language tools

If you wanted to become a musician, you’ll need an instrument. If you wanted to get in better shape, you need weights and equipment. Learning a language is no different.

Language learners today have a plethora of tools and resources that we can leverage to learn faster. From mobile apps to podcasts, your options are limitless.

Check out our list of recommended language tools to get new ideas.

 

2. Design your environment around your language

The second is to design your environment around your language. The reason why this is powerful is because there’s two main ways to learn something: actively and passively. While active learning is more impactful, we only have so much time in the day to actively learn a language.

Examples of passive learning includes:

• Changing your electronic devices to your target language
• Reading the news in your target language
• Watching shows and movies on Netflix in your target language
• Labeling items around your house in your target language

 

3. Track your progress

What doesn’t get measured, won’t get better. This applies to our health life, business life, and others.

The mistake that most learners make is to measure progress in large milestones that are too far to imagine or track. Instead, we should focus on weekly, if not daily goals.

Here are a few ideas we suggest:

• Keep a daily journal (in your target language): this will allow you to see how your writing skills have improved
• Record yourself speaking every week or two weeks
• Schedule your learning times
  • If you’re not seeing the results you want, you can reflect to your schedule, and judge whether you should be putting in more time

 

4. Find accountability partners

Having the right tools and strategy is only half the battle. Staying persistent and accountable is just as important, because learning a language is a marathon. It’s easy to say now that you’ll be able to put in an hour everyday, but unexpected events and emotions will always come up unexpectedly.

Research by professors Robert Cialdini and Tim Church states that finding a buddy that keeps you accountable is one of the best ways to motivate change. It has even shown to be more effective than finding a mentor.

An accountability partner can be a friend who’s also learning a language, a teacher, or anyone that you trust and see often.

 

5. Leverage the shortcuts

When learning anything, there are shortcuts that you can leverage, including languages. There are polyglots, linguists, and researchers that have laid out multiple language hacks that you should use.

Here are some that we recommend:

• Learn the 1,000 most common words: This will allow you to become familiar with 88%+ of your target language.
• Use the 8 golden sentences to master grammar
• Make cognates your best friend

 

6. Find time everyday to learn

Daily immersion has been proven to be powerful. It’s much more effective to learn 15 minutes a day, than to learn for 3 hours a week. And it’s much more powerful to learn 3 hours a week than 10 hours a month.

This is because consistency trumps quality, and small achievements accumulate over time. The way to do this is to find ‘hidden’ free times in your day, and schedule learning time. It can be as little as 30 minutes or even 15 minutes.

The reality is no matter how busy we think we are, there’s always empty 15-30 minute slots in our schedule. Here’s an article we wrote on how to find more time in your schedule to learn anything.

 

Follow up resources we recommend:

• Free Language Masterclass
• Learn a Language Challenge
• 10 Best Language Books to Read Today
• 5 Research-Backed Ways to Master Any Skill In Record Time
• The Hidden Secret Behind Accelerated Learning: Why Introverts Learn Faster
• How to Learn Any Language in 90 Days

You’ve read How to Learn Any Language On Your Own (Step-by-Step Guide), originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

http://ift.tt/2myUiEH

You’re reading How to Learn Any Language On Your Own (Step-by-Step Guide), originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Learning a language on your own is not easy. But it is possible with the right strategy.

While we suggest finding a teacher or partner that can help shorten your learning curve, we also understand that not everyone has the budget or time.

Over the past few years, we’ve heard from many of our student who have tried learning a language on their own. They’ve shared from their own experience what they wish they would’ve done differently.

Know how you best learn

This is the single biggest feedback we’ve gotten from people who’ve taken the solo learning path. It turns out that some people are designed to learn new things on their own, while some of us are the contrast.

For example, some of us learn best by listening, while others retain more information when reading something (check out the 7 major learning styles). You have to reflect on your previous experience to understand how you’ve best learnt new skills in the past.

Unfortunately, most of us have been forced to learn via a limited learning style because of the traditional education system we grew up with. In short, not everyone is designed to learn new skills on their own. And by being self-aware of your shortcomings upfront, you can save yourself a lot of time, stress, and hassle.

 

Know why you’re learning a language

If you have decided to learn a language on your own, the biggest obstacle for most people is persistency. In most cases, learning anything on your own will take much longer than getting professional help and guidance from someone who’s done it before.

This is why you need to have a strong inner purpose of why you’re learning a language. Maybe your family speaks another language, and you want to feel a deeper connection with them. Perhaps your spouse comes from a different culture, and you want to be able to communicate with his/her family.

Understanding why you’re learning a language is what’s going to inspire you to go through that lesson manual, attend those language exchanges, and to continue grinding it out when things inevitably gets tough.

If you’ve attended our free language masterclass, then you know we’ve discussed the cycles of the mastery curve. In case you missed it, the process of mastery is never a straight upward curve, no matter how talented you are. It’s a series of ups and downs, with many plateaus that come with it.

Have a firm end-goal in mind

Once you know why you’re learning a language, you must have a firm end-goal in mind. Otherwise, you don’t have a target that aligns with your purpose.

Is your end goal to reach conversation proficiency? Or perhaps you want to become a fluent speaker.

But that’s only the first step. We also have to know in what timeframe we want to achieve our goals. If you have an overseas trip coming up in July, you may want to aim to hit your goal by May or June. If you’re learning for fun, you can be a little more lenient, but you still want to have a specific deadline.

Why do we want to do this? Because of Parkinson’s Law, which states that the amount of time that one has to perform a task is the amount of time it will take to complete the task. This means that often when we give ourselves 12 months to learn something, we’ll subconsciously spend 12 months learning it. Versus if we gave ourselves only 7 months, we’ll force ourselves to learn within that timeframe.

Now that we have our prerequisites, we’ll share our step-by-step process on how to learn a language on your own.

 

1. Find the right language tools

If you wanted to become a musician, you’ll need an instrument. If you wanted to get in better shape, you need weights and equipment. Learning a language is no different.

Language learners today have a plethora of tools and resources that we can leverage to learn faster. From mobile apps to podcasts, your options are limitless.

Check out our list of recommended language tools to get new ideas.

 

2. Design your environment around your language

The second is to design your environment around your language. The reason why this is powerful is because there’s two main ways to learn something: actively and passively. While active learning is more impactful, we only have so much time in the day to actively learn a language.

Examples of passive learning includes:

• Changing your electronic devices to your target language
• Reading the news in your target language
• Watching shows and movies on Netflix in your target language
• Labeling items around your house in your target language

 

3. Track your progress

What doesn’t get measured, won’t get better. This applies to our health life, business life, and others.

The mistake that most learners make is to measure progress in large milestones that are too far to imagine or track. Instead, we should focus on weekly, if not daily goals.

Here are a few ideas we suggest:

• Keep a daily journal (in your target language): this will allow you to see how your writing skills have improved
• Record yourself speaking every week or two weeks
• Schedule your learning times
  • If you’re not seeing the results you want, you can reflect to your schedule, and judge whether you should be putting in more time

 

4. Find accountability partners

Having the right tools and strategy is only half the battle. Staying persistent and accountable is just as important, because learning a language is a marathon. It’s easy to say now that you’ll be able to put in an hour everyday, but unexpected events and emotions will always come up unexpectedly.

Research by professors Robert Cialdini and Tim Church states that finding a buddy that keeps you accountable is one of the best ways to motivate change. It has even shown to be more effective than finding a mentor.

An accountability partner can be a friend who’s also learning a language, a teacher, or anyone that you trust and see often.

 

5. Leverage the shortcuts

When learning anything, there are shortcuts that you can leverage, including languages. There are polyglots, linguists, and researchers that have laid out multiple language hacks that you should use.

Here are some that we recommend:

• Learn the 1,000 most common words: This will allow you to become familiar with 88%+ of your target language.
• Use the 8 golden sentences to master grammar
• Make cognates your best friend

 

6. Find time everyday to learn

Daily immersion has been proven to be powerful. It’s much more effective to learn 15 minutes a day, than to learn for 3 hours a week. And it’s much more powerful to learn 3 hours a week than 10 hours a month.

This is because consistency trumps quality, and small achievements accumulate over time. The way to do this is to find ‘hidden’ free times in your day, and schedule learning time. It can be as little as 30 minutes or even 15 minutes.

The reality is no matter how busy we think we are, there’s always empty 15-30 minute slots in our schedule. Here’s an article we wrote on how to find more time in your schedule to learn anything.

 

Follow up resources we recommend:

• Free Language Masterclass
• Learn a Language Challenge
• 10 Best Language Books to Read Today
• 5 Research-Backed Ways to Master Any Skill In Record Time
• The Hidden Secret Behind Accelerated Learning: Why Introverts Learn Faster
• How to Learn Any Language in 90 Days

You’ve read How to Learn Any Language On Your Own (Step-by-Step Guide), originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

http://ift.tt/2myUiEH

You’re reading The 5 Best Podcasts on Love, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

There are many different types of love, self-love, romantic love, obsessive love, unconditional love, enduring love or selfless love, among others. As a society we tend to focus mostly on romantic love, and in doing so, we may disregard the other types which can prove more fulfilling. The love of friendship can be founded on the virtues of reliability and camaraderie, which in turn helps us have a higher understanding of the self, others and the world around us. Familial love is one of dependability that is not anchored by our personal qualities. Selfless love can be defined as a type of altruism, a love that transcends our inner circle and is about a broader scope of nature and good will. Insight into love can be illuminating as one continues on their journey to self awareness. Here are 5 podcasts that provide some food for thought on this topic:

1. A podcast with New York Times bestselling author Matthew Hussey, a dating expert giving practical advice to help women gain confidence in their search for attracting a loving partner. He centers around the do’s and dont’s of online dating sites/apps (and of course, texting) and how to navigate through the sea of choice with intention, to find what works for you.

http://ift.tt/2mvufz4

2. This podcast bring you a weekly in depth interview with a relationship expert, this one, with Toni Herbine-Blank, focuses on connection, sexuality and intimacy. Sex, shared emotional experience and what you create together are all examples of potential in a relationship, this podcast interview deals with how to tap into that possibility and the skills that you need to actually thrive in a relationship. How to use all the inner work on ourselves with our partner? These are some of the questions explored in this podcast.

http://ift.tt/2m2NtzS

3. This podcast ‘love in doubt’, is a podcast and column that helps its listeners decipher some solutions or insights into the relationship dilemmas they are experiencing. The common issue surrounding each question, centers around the issue of doubt. It can be difficult to make a decision to stay or go in a relationship, based on what may be a superficial or external influence or could very well be a sign that the relationship is not compatible. This podcast helps in determining these differences.

http://ift.tt/2mvqVUj

4. This podcast by Anna Sale, asks some big questions from a couple, Jason and Amanda, who struggled with issues of sobriety, marriage and parenthood. The couple answer questions and concerns from callers about how they solve issues in their relationship. It’s a wonderful example of an artistic couple who have discovered that the communication in their relationship is of utmost importance. The take away is that one must never allow themselves to be in a relationship with someone who cannot understand that you must do work that fulfills your spirit.

http://ift.tt/2m2UhgE

5. People who need people. That’s what this podcast focuses on. It’s the story of two people who bonded over tragedy and asks the question do they need that to survive as a couple? Many people feel their small decisions loom large early on in a relationship, but what if there is a chaotic event that brings people together, would they still need each other when things returned to normal?

http://ift.tt/1ZLomif

All facets of love touch our lives in every way, knowing how to accept love in your life and give love to others can help lead to a more satisfying existence. Love is our most intimate self reflected back to us, helping us evolve and as compassionate people striving to affect positive change in the world around us.

Do you read a great blog about love that’s not on the list? Leave a comment on FB!

Larissa Gomes is a breast cancer survivor and single mom to her spirited baby boy! Originally from Toronto turned Angeleno, she has worked in roles from writer, actor and producer for well over a decade. In that time, she’s developed concepts, film and television screenplays, short stories, along with freelance articles, blogging and editing work.

You’ve read The 5 Best Podcasts on Love, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

http://ift.tt/2m2PHyX

You’re reading The 5 Best Podcasts on Love, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

There are many different types of love, self-love, romantic love, obsessive love, unconditional love, enduring love or selfless love, among others. As a society we tend to focus mostly on romantic love, and in doing so, we may disregard the other types which can prove more fulfilling. The love of friendship can be founded on the virtues of reliability and camaraderie, which in turn helps us have a higher understanding of the self, others and the world around us. Familial love is one of dependability that is not anchored by our personal qualities. Selfless love can be defined as a type of altruism, a love that transcends our inner circle and is about a broader scope of nature and good will. Insight into love can be illuminating as one continues on their journey to self awareness. Here are 5 podcasts that provide some food for thought on this topic:

1. A podcast with New York Times bestselling author Matthew Hussey, a dating expert giving practical advice to help women gain confidence in their search for attracting a loving partner. He centers around the do’s and dont’s of online dating sites/apps (and of course, texting) and how to navigate through the sea of choice with intention, to find what works for you.

http://ift.tt/2mvufz4

2. This podcast bring you a weekly in depth interview with a relationship expert, this one, with Toni Herbine-Blank, focuses on connection, sexuality and intimacy. Sex, shared emotional experience and what you create together are all examples of potential in a relationship, this podcast interview deals with how to tap into that possibility and the skills that you need to actually thrive in a relationship. How to use all the inner work on ourselves with our partner? These are some of the questions explored in this podcast.

http://ift.tt/2m2NtzS

3. This podcast ‘love in doubt’, is a podcast and column that helps its listeners decipher some solutions or insights into the relationship dilemmas they are experiencing. The common issue surrounding each question, centers around the issue of doubt. It can be difficult to make a decision to stay or go in a relationship, based on what may be a superficial or external influence or could very well be a sign that the relationship is not compatible. This podcast helps in determining these differences.

http://ift.tt/2mvqVUj

4. This podcast by Anna Sale, asks some big questions from a couple, Jason and Amanda, who struggled with issues of sobriety, marriage and parenthood. The couple answer questions and concerns from callers about how they solve issues in their relationship. It’s a wonderful example of an artistic couple who have discovered that the communication in their relationship is of utmost importance. The take away is that one must never allow themselves to be in a relationship with someone who cannot understand that you must do work that fulfills your spirit.

http://ift.tt/2m2UhgE

5. People who need people. That’s what this podcast focuses on. It’s the story of two people who bonded over tragedy and asks the question do they need that to survive as a couple? Many people feel their small decisions loom large early on in a relationship, but what if there is a chaotic event that brings people together, would they still need each other when things returned to normal?

http://ift.tt/1ZLomif

All facets of love touch our lives in every way, knowing how to accept love in your life and give love to others can help lead to a more satisfying existence. Love is our most intimate self reflected back to us, helping us evolve and as compassionate people striving to affect positive change in the world around us.

Do you read a great blog about love that’s not on the list? Leave a comment on FB!

Larissa Gomes is a breast cancer survivor and single mom to her spirited baby boy! Originally from Toronto turned Angeleno, she has worked in roles from writer, actor and producer for well over a decade. In that time, she’s developed concepts, film and television screenplays, short stories, along with freelance articles, blogging and editing work.

You’ve read The 5 Best Podcasts on Love, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

http://ift.tt/2m2PHyX

You’re reading 5 Steps to Beat Your Nagging Thoughts (Even If They Are Sticky), originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Thoughts rule our world.

A simple thought like “Rember to give people a smile” can give us a day made of wonderful encounters.

Too often, though, our thinking makes us small, uneasy, limited.

But are we really at the mercy of our thoughts?

The answer is no. Thoughts – especially the nagging ones – like to pretend to be the boss.

But they are not. The real boss – over your thoughts and your life – is always you.

The following five steps help you to win back control over your thoughts, once for all.

Step 1 – Say no to the anarchy of your thoughts

Just like emotions, thoughts are always with us. But if we ask ourselves what thoughts were part of our day, we barely remember a handful (often the nagging ones) of them.

That’s because the thoughts we are aware of are just the tip of the iceberg. Most of our notions happen on a subconscious level. And our thoughts use that unattended situation to lively connect with each other and build (preferably) toxic thought-chain-reactions.

These “hidden” thought programs are the breeding ground for the nagging thoughts you are aware of.

So to beat your nagging thoughts, you first have to “clean up” the thinking culture in your subconscious underground.

Let’s see how to get access to that “underworld” in the next step!

Step 2 – Start a thought journal

Thoughts are always the starting point of the following chain reaction:

Thought – emotion – behavior.

A thought leads into an emotion and that emotion directs your behavior.

Research shows that any form of negative rumination will send you into destructive emotions that lead to destructive behavior.

To change these chain reactions, we have to reverse engineer them. Since most thoughts are not easy for us to catch, we focus on our emotions to detect and decode them.

Whenever your emotions “feel bad,” you reverse engineer:

• In what situation did the bad emotions come up?
• What were you thinking in that situation?
• What were you feeling in that situation?

Write down these observations in a thought journal with the situation in the first column, your thinking in the second and your feelings in the third.

Here’s an example for a typical journal entry:

Situation:
You called your friend to ask her to go out for dinner. She was curt and said she has no time to go out with you.

Thinking:

• she doesn’t like me anymore
• she finds it boring to have dinner with you
• she prefers to go out with someone else

Feeling:

• refused
• upset
• discouraged
• uncertain
• uneasy

To brighten up your journaling with some good stuff, we will add a nice “feel good” column to your journal in the next step!

Step 3 – Cultivate new feel good thoughts

Add a fourths column to your journal and name it “good thoughts.” There, you write down alternative thoughts that feel much better than the uneasy thoughts of your second column.

Coming back to our example, some relieving alternative thinking could be:

• she has no time because she has to prepare for an important meeting in her job tomorrow
• she’s really tired because she had a very stressful week and all she wants is to get some extra hours of sleep

First, it’s hard to come up with these alternatives. And if you find some, you will probably doubt them. That’s because your mind wants to stick to the thought patterns it is used to.

The next step helps you to break through that resistance.

Step 4 – Make the reality check

A huge portion of our daily thoughts is made of speculations.

Unfortunately, we take these speculations for real.

Instead of questioning them, we trust them and act on them. And acting on assumptions that are based on negative thoughts almost always ends in a disaster.

The reality check helps you here by asking this:

Are your thoughts based on facts or assumptions?

Check all your negative thoughts with that question. You will soon find out that many of them (if not all) are based on speculations.

For example, as long as your friend doesn’t tell you so, thinking she doesn’t like you anymore is just a speculation.

The next and final step is the most important one to make your thought changes sustainable.

Step 5 – Start your journal today and stick to it

No doubt, diving into the dark side of your thoughts is a challenge far outside your comfort zone.

But isn’t the outcome – a happier life with less if not zero nagging thoughts harassing you – more than worth the temporary discomfort?

That’s why I want to encourage you to make your thought journal entries a daily routine you consistently stick to. You’ll see, your harmful thoughts will soon give in to the wealth of good thoughts you’ve cultivated!

So don’t wait and start your thought journal today.

Your future self will thank you forever.

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Vera Kuhr is a coach that helps the overwhelmed, distracted, procrastinating, impatient, paralyzed and however else struggling digital entrepreneur to get unstuck and pivot to success. Get her free course and learn how to leave out the most sneaky game-over traps of blogging.

You’ve read 5 Steps to Beat Your Nagging Thoughts (Even If They Are Sticky), originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading 5 Steps To Beat Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Everyone will know the feeling of dread which hits them when they suddenly wonder if they have locked the front door or switched off the gas. Usually this feeling passes as you realise that you have as you always do. In my case I could not shake off these niggling thoughts and they would eat away at me until I went and checked. Often this would mean that I would be almost at my office door and would have to turn around and walk the fifteen minutes back to check and find the door was locked tightly, in fact this could happen two or three times. I suffered from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and this was my life.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a mental health disorder which can affect anyone, there is no typical sufferer. You get caught in a cycle of obsessions causing thoughts or images which can trigger panic or distress. For me my obsessions involved checking, ‘is the door locked’, ‘is the gas off’. I imagined that my house may well be on fire or someone would be walking in and stealing everything. Other people who suffer with OCD have other obsessions which can include cleaning or even fear of harming others. These obsessions lead to compulsions, things you do to try to get rid of your obsessions. Again I would have to check, and then check again, and again.

Your mind gets stuck like a record, the needle skipping back again and again. I my case I knew I had checked the door, but I had to go back. If I tried to ignore it my mind would create powerful images which would mean that I had to return. In the end it was becoming a real issue and I knew that something had to be done.

If you have never encountered the struggle with OCD you will not understand the pressure your own mind puts you under. It is a ridiculous condition, you are a grown adult who knows that you have locked your own front door. You do it every day and it is an automatic action, but OCD is a demon which sits on your shoulder telling you that you must check again. I could not sleep without checking the gas hob many times before going to bed and was regularly late for work. No matter how you really know that the compulsion is foolish you cannot ignore it, your mind will just not let you. The feeling is paralyzing and terrifying.

Therefore, I knew I had to find a way to get over my OCD. Before I start, I have to tell you that I am not a medical doctor and I would recommend that you get professional advice. In my case, I was (stupidly) too scared or maybe proud to admit even to my doctor that I may have mental illness.  So I went on a path to cure myself, this was how I went about it:

Step 1 – Realise you have an issue and recognise it.

For me the first thing was to recognise that I was suffering from OCD. I started to make a conscious effort to note to myself when I was carrying out compulsive behaviour  I was aware before that I my behaviour was not normal. The difference was now that I was physically noticing each action and classifying it as compulsive behaviour brought on my OCD. I would actually tell myself out loud ‘this is an OCD action.’

It was a first step to recovery as up to this point I had tolerated my behaviours. Now I was starting to challenge them. Initially this did not stop me carrying out repeated actions, but I recognised that this was what was happening to me. It was no longer just my behaviour, I recognised I had a problem, that had a name and it was OCD.

Step 2 – Analyse your OCD

Once I started to recognise specific behaviours I started to analyse what the triggers were. For me it was all around checking and the number three (I found that I had to check things three times).

I realised that the most difficult things for me were locking things (the front door and my car) and switching things off (the gas hob and the iron were the main things). Understanding this meant that I could start to plan how I would conquer my checking.

Step 3 – Change your behaviour

I now knew my main compulsions, so I had to do something about them, of course it will seem simple. You believe that you have left the front door unlocked so you check but you still find yourself having to check again.

I looked for ways to mitigate the actions and to reinforce the fact that I had checked. Initially I started tying a knot in my handkerchief, this helped but was not enough so I created a simple checklist. Gas off, yes, Iron off, yes, front door locked, yes. I would tick my notebook each day and could know that it had been done. Again, my compulsive behaviours did not immediately stop and I ended up initially having to tick the list three times.

In time I could wean myself down, I had a list which I signed and dated so I only needed to check twice. The first few times I cut down my routine was hell and I ended up going home at lunchtime. However, soon I was able to accept that the list was valid. I was changing my behaviour recognising that the sort of check lists I used for my job were equally as valid for my OCD.

I could eventually check the list when I wanted to know that the checks had been completed.

Step 4 – It will take time…

You need to understand that you cannot change your behaviour overnight, even with written lists I had to check and check again. But I knew I had to persevere if I was to change my life, I knew that I could not carry on the way I had been.

I supported my change with relaxation techniques, carrying out simple breathing techniques and meditation. This was particularly useful when I was panicking that I had not checked something three times. I would take myself away for a moment and calm myself down.

Part of it was visualising what was actually the worst that could happen? If I left the door open it was as likely that nobody would walk in, if I did leave the gas on the likely worst thing that would happen would be that I would have a big gas bill!

I also approached my friends and my partner, telling them for the first time that I had OCD. Of course they had recognised the signs in my behaviour for a long time. They were happy to help me, supporting me and reassuring me when I worried about something.

The support of others can make this journey much easier. I found that this would be almost impossible to do by myself. On reflection I wish I had gone to my doctor much sooner.

Step 5 – Recognise when you lapse

I wish I could say that I am completely cured of my OCD, I don’t know if that will ever happen, however I have become very adept at managing the condition. I find, particularly when I am going through a very stressful time, that I will start carrying out OCD type behaviours. Sometimes ridiculous things like finding that you have to step on a certain type of manhole cover (there is no rhyme or reason to my condition!) My action now is to recognise that I am doing this and to recognise it. I physically tell myself that I am carrying out an OCD action and force myself to stop, again this often not instant but I find that, with a greater awareness, I am able to control it.

Conclusion

If was to condense this down to three pieces of advice for people who may be suffering from OCD it would be these:

• You are not alone – You are one of 1 in 100 adults (and 1 in 200 children)✝ who suffer from OCD in some form. This is something that makes you unique, and you can overcome it.
• Get help – If I could do anything differently it would have been to get professional help and tell my close friends much sooner. Please don’t leave it to the point that your life is being adversely affected before you get support.
• Persevere – this will not happen overnight, but you can start on a journey which will change your life for the better!

Good luck!

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Wilf Voss – is an author from the UK. He has published two novels and a number of books and articles on subjects as diverse as addiction and mental health to IT and technology – wilfswords.online

 

✝ National Institute of Mental Health

Picture Credits: Door lock, Fear Portrait, Checklist from Pixabay.com

You’ve read 5 Steps To Beat Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading The Secret To Getting Your Strong Emotions Under Control, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Have you ever felt an emotion so strong, it just wouldn’t go away?

The grief from losing a loved one, the sorrow after a breakup, worrying about your health, anxious of the future…

Every single minute of the day, your mind is occupied by the emotion. You don’t have a choice. It is taking over your life.

You exert so much energy just to get through a day. It is exhausting. You want a break from it so badly, but your mind just wouldn’t stop.

You don’t want this anymore. But you are stuck.

The emotion is too powerful: from mindfulness, observance, breathing, Zen, mantra, you can try everything you know, but it just won’t work.

Yes, even mindfulness is useless against such a fierce emotion.

You even start to think you are never going to get out of it. You think you will stay wounded forever.

The Surprising Cause of Your Strong Emotion

I understand you. I went through the exact same thing when I lost my grandmother, and when I had a panic attack a while ago.

It was hell.

But trust me, you will get out of this emotional vortex. And I am going to show you exactly what to do.

First, I want you to know why your emotion became so strong in the first place.

Understand this: Your emotions operate on the physics principle of momentum.

Surprising?

Let me give you an example.

Let’s say your friend borrowed your car. When he returns, you spot a dent on it. The car is now hideous. You are angry with him.

He explains he didn’t actually do anything wrong. He drove carefully, but someone bumped into him.

You are still angry. You think he should have noticed a bad driver from a mile away, stay away from him.

Then let’s say you find out later your friend literally did nothing wrong. He was probably more careful with your car than with his own car. It was pure bad luck that your car got bumped into.

Now you have no reason to stay angry. Even you would have screwed up your car, perhaps even more.

But still, your anger has so much momentum built up from all the accusation and argument, it refuses to go away.

So you continue to act on it, trying to nitpick the faults of your friend, even though logically you know you should calm down and apologize.

Sounds familiar? I am sure you can relate to this.

When your emotion is so strong, there is no way you can stop like just like that, even if you are aware of it.

So what should you do with this strong emotion? Here are 5 step for you to follow:

1. Acknowledge your emotions

When an emotion is strong, it will totally dominate your thoughts and dictate all your actions.

At this point, even mindfulness can’t help you much. The emotional momentum is so just so powerful it can throw you off your mindful state in seconds.

But without mindfulness, you also can’t act consciously to counter this powerful momentum.

Here is what you do:

First, stay still for a few seconds. Take some time to acknowledge your emotion and your physical sensations right now.

Say to yourself, “I am feeling [your emotion] right now. I feel [sensation] in my body.”

This is what I said to myself in a panic attack: “Okay, I am feeling nervous again. I am starting to panic. My body is getting hot and I am starting to shiver and sweat.”

You will be tempted to talk down your emotion this way, but don’t. Because you will be essentially dwelling on it, which will only amplify its force.

So don’t talk to yourself this way for too long. Don’t do this for more than a minute.

What you need is just a few seconds of consciousness, so instead of being driven by the emotion and chasing your own tail, you can do the right steps I am going to teach you below.

2. Don’t fight the emotion.

When your emotional momentum is so strong, it is impossible to stop it directly. Anything you do will just fuel its power even more.

This is very similar to meditation, actually.

People make the mistake of trying to stop their thoughts all the time, but instead their minds just get nosier and nosier.

What they did not realize, is that you cannot just deicide to quiet your mind like that. You need something else occupy your mind.

Likewise, your emotion is now snowballing. It has become an all-consuming monster, and whatever comes in its way becomes its fuel.

Here’s a shocker: All your mindfulness, meditation, self-talk, and every attempt you make to stop it are now completely useless. Worse, they will make the emotion even stronger.

Scary.

So how to you stop this indestructible monster that is now taking over your life?

The answer: Just don’t fight it. Just don’t do anything to stop it. Just let it be there.

But keep in mind though, this doesn’t mean you just sit there and dwell on it and make yourself feel worse.

Instead, this is what you should do:

3. Do something fun.

Yep, it is that simple. Just go and do something fun.

Let me explain.

Instead of attacking the emotion head on and fueling it even more, you need to slow down its momentum indirectly.

You need to do something completely unrelated, preferably something fun.

You need to direct your flow of thoughts somewhere else, somewhere other than your all-consuming emotion.

Then you stop fueling its momentum with your thoughts. All you have to do now is to wait for your emotion to come to a natural end when its momentum runs out.

This is not necessarily distracting yourself and trying to bury it. Rather, this prevents you from dwelling on the emotion and making it even stronger.

But why something fun? Why not work?

When you are dominated by an emotion, you are paralyzed. Your mind doesn’t want you do anything else other than dwelling on it.

And fun, light-hearted things are easy to get into. It gets you moving.

For example, when I was having a panic attack, I downloaded a mobile game. I hadn’t played games for years.

Whenever I was nervous, I would just bust out my phone and play a few rounds. It calmed me down.

So it doesn’t matter what your activity is, as long as you like it enough to get moving. You just need to do something to redirect your thoughts.

4. Get out of the situation you are in.

Sometimes, you are just stuck with an emotion because everything around you triggers it.

Let’s say you are arguing with someone and you get angry. You want to calm down. What is the most logical thing to do?

Walk away.

It is nearly impossible to just calm down in the middle of a heated argument. Like I said before, even if you came to an agreement, you will still want to argue some more.

When you take yourself away from the argument, the momentum of your anger starts to die down, and you calm down as it comes to a natural end. It is only than you can have a sensible and productive discussion.

Likewise, this applies to all your other problems.

When you get anxious in bed and can’t sleep, just get up and do something else, calm down first, and try again.

When the empty house reminds you of your grief, go on a trip and get away from it for a while, if possible.

This Is What You Will Feel When You Are Free from Your Strong Emotion

The brief minute you realize you got it under control, you will feel ever so grateful to live normally.

The sun is shining. The grass looks so green. The light touch of the breeze feels so good on your skin.

The normal world will look like heaven to you.

But the thing with emotion is that it is not a switch. It’s not like once you are out, you are out for life.

Instead, you will be gradually free from its grasp little by little. There may be setbacks once in a while, but it is part of the healing process, too.

When you are under the grasp of a strong emotion, it will feel like you have entered a tunnel doesn’t have an end.

But this isn’t true.

Look at it this way: Instead of a proverbial endless tunnel, it is just a “normal” tunnel. You know, like the one trains go through.

To bring you where you want to go, the train has to go through mountains. And in the real world, tunnels can only be so deep.

I lost all hope when I was like you. I thought this hellish experience would last forever. I had no one to tell me otherwise.

But now you have my word.

You will be fine. Your strong emotions will pass, and you will be normal again.

I promise you.

—

Blon Lee is a Chinese Buddhist who helps people transform suffering into joy with Buddhist wisdom. Download his free guide: Buddhist Meditation Ultimate Guide: A Step-By-Step Guide to Finding True Inner Peace.

You’ve read The Secret To Getting Your Strong Emotions Under Control, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading Why Being a Lazy Manager Is a Good Thing, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

“Lazy” typically isn’t a word you’d like people to use when describing you, especially in the workplace. But guess what? Being lazy is a good thing!

As a manager, you want to help your employees. And that’s great — until it isn’t. When an employee comes to you with a problem, your tendency may be to jump in and offer advice. While your intentions are noble, you may end up helping where it isn’t needed or taking over the conversation altogether.

You go into rescuer mode, it’s understandable. You’re trying to add value and help out wherever you can. But at the end of the day, you’re exhausted because you’ve taken on more than you should have, and your team member is disheartened because responsibilities were taken away from them. You thought you were helping as best you could, but instead you limited their opportunities for growth and created a scenario of victim versus rescuer.

The easiest way to avoid this scenario is to, well, be lazy. Instead of swooping in with all the answers, ask questions. And especially, ask the laziest coaching question of them all: “How can I help?”

This is the laziest way to find out what your employee needs from you. By asking something like this, you force the person to decide what they need exactly — they might not even know yet themselves. (Often employees come to a manager with a problem, but the real issue is something completely different, which the employee realizes only after being asked what it is they want.) Alternatively, they know what they need and will tell you, in the hope that you’ll agree with whatever it is. Either way, asking the lazy question creates a win-win situation, as it results in a clear and direct request that will lead to the solution your employee is looking for.

By asking this lazy question, you avoid jumping in to help in the way you initially think is needed — no more rescuer mode! Asking questions is a self-management tool because it keeps you lazy and yet shows your curiosity.

Be lazy and also be blunt (which is ultimately the best way to be lazy). Just go for it. Ask your employee, “What do you want from me?” Of course, be mindful of how you say this, because not everyone will like this blunt version, but you catch my drift. Ask your employee, really, truly, “What can I do to help?”

It sounds easy, but it can be hard to resist the temptation to jump in and help someone, or to offer advice. However, in the end, you’ll find that asking the lazy question makes you more useful to those you manage, and it will help you work less hard and have more impact. I bet that after trying this out, you’ll agree that being lazy is a good thing after all.

For useful tips and tools for improving the way you lead, check out the Box of Crayons blog. We often share blogs like these:

7 Coaching Questions to Master
The Art of Being a Lazy Coach: The Debrief

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Michael Bungay Stanier is Senior Partner of Box of Crayons, a company that helps organizations do less Good Work and more Great Work. It is best known for its coaching programs, which give busy managers practical tools to coach in 10 minutes or less.

Download free chapters of Michael’s latest book, The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever, here.

You’ve read Why Being a Lazy Manager Is a Good Thing, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

http://ift.tt/2muhhSW

You’re reading Why Being a Lazy Manager Is a Good Thing, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

“Lazy” typically isn’t a word you’d like people to use when describing you, especially in the workplace. But guess what? Being lazy is a good thing!

As a manager, you want to help your employees. And that’s great — until it isn’t. When an employee comes to you with a problem, your tendency may be to jump in and offer advice. While your intentions are noble, you may end up helping where it isn’t needed or taking over the conversation altogether.

You go into rescuer mode, it’s understandable. You’re trying to add value and help out wherever you can. But at the end of the day, you’re exhausted because you’ve taken on more than you should have, and your team member is disheartened because responsibilities were taken away from them. You thought you were helping as best you could, but instead you limited their opportunities for growth and created a scenario of victim versus rescuer.

The easiest way to avoid this scenario is to, well, be lazy. Instead of swooping in with all the answers, ask questions. And especially, ask the laziest coaching question of them all: “How can I help?”

This is the laziest way to find out what your employee needs from you. By asking something like this, you force the person to decide what they need exactly — they might not even know yet themselves. (Often employees come to a manager with a problem, but the real issue is something completely different, which the employee realizes only after being asked what it is they want.) Alternatively, they know what they need and will tell you, in the hope that you’ll agree with whatever it is. Either way, asking the lazy question creates a win-win situation, as it results in a clear and direct request that will lead to the solution your employee is looking for.

By asking this lazy question, you avoid jumping in to help in the way you initially think is needed — no more rescuer mode! Asking questions is a self-management tool because it keeps you lazy and yet shows your curiosity.

Be lazy and also be blunt (which is ultimately the best way to be lazy). Just go for it. Ask your employee, “What do you want from me?” Of course, be mindful of how you say this, because not everyone will like this blunt version, but you catch my drift. Ask your employee, really, truly, “What can I do to help?”

It sounds easy, but it can be hard to resist the temptation to jump in and help someone, or to offer advice. However, in the end, you’ll find that asking the lazy question makes you more useful to those you manage, and it will help you work less hard and have more impact. I bet that after trying this out, you’ll agree that being lazy is a good thing after all.

For useful tips and tools for improving the way you lead, check out the Box of Crayons blog. We often share blogs like these:

7 Coaching Questions to Master
The Art of Being a Lazy Coach: The Debrief

---

 

Michael Bungay Stanier is Senior Partner of Box of Crayons, a company that helps organizations do less Good Work and more Great Work. It is best known for its coaching programs, which give busy managers practical tools to coach in 10 minutes or less.

Download free chapters of Michael’s latest book, The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever, here.

You’ve read Why Being a Lazy Manager Is a Good Thing, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

http://ift.tt/2muhhSW