You’re reading Why Your New Year’s Resolutions Will Fail – and How to Avoid It, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Are you excited for the upcoming new year?

I’m sure you are! The beginning of the year is a special moment…your hopes are at their highest level. You want to live your best year ever.

This also means you already wrote (or are thinking to write) your new year’s resolutions.

But…

…you need to know something very important.
It may be a little too harsh, but…your new year’s resolutions will likely fail.

Let me show you why.

Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail

Stanford University’s professor Baba Shiv conducted a very interesting experiment that will make you think.

In his study, he took 165 students and divided them in two groups: one group had to memorize a 2-digit number, the other one had to memorize a 7-digit number.

After memorizing the number, each student had to go to another room. But on their way to this room, they were offered a snack: they could choose between a chocolate cake or a bowl of fruit salad.

You’ll be surprised to know that those students who memorized the 7-digit number were almost twice as likely to take the chocolate cake.

What does it mean?

If you use your mind energies for something, you will have less willpower. Or to put it in another way: your brain energies are limited – and so it’s your willpower.

Think about it: what are you doing by choosing your new year’s resolutions?

You’re basically asking your brain for a huge amount of willpower to carry different disciplines. The more resolutions you choose, the more willpower you will need…and the more likely you will interrupt your resolutions before reaching your goals.

Now, it should be obvious what’s the secret to stick to your new year’s resolutions…

What To Do To Stick With Your New Year’s Resolutions

Given that the more resolutions you have, the more likely you are to fail…the less resolutions you have, the more likely you are to succeed.

Which means that by having just one new year’s resolution you have the highest chances of success.

Now, you probably are wondering “if I can choose just one resolution, which one should I pick?”

Of course, pick the most important one. The most important for you. It’s the resolution that will have the highest positive impact on your life.

But you don’t have to stop there! In fact, there’s something very useful that I want to share with you.

How to Accomplish ALL of Your New Year’s Resolutions

Your willpower is taxed by the adoption of new behaviours…but you don’t really use it for certain old behaviours.

Think of all the things that you do in your day: how many of these things take a good amount of willpower?
Not many.

The reason is that many of the things that you do during your day are habits.
Habits are magical 🙂

Habits consume almost no brain energies.

So, if you transform one of your resolutions into a habit, you are free to had a new resolution in your schedule. The way to do that is by sticking with one of your resolutions for about 21 continuous days (this is the average time that a new behaviour takes to become a habit…so know that this number may be a little different for you).

After that time, your resolution will be a habit and you’ll be free to start practicing a new resolution.

The good old “one at a time”.
That’s the secret to accomplish your resolutions – and so your best year ever.

Want a Shortcut?

Do you want a shortcut?

Maybe you’re wondering “what if I carry two of my new year’s resolutions at a time, instead of one? I can double my results!”

No, it doesn’t work like that. There’s no shortcut. It isn’t just what you read up to now in this article…it’s also practical experience.

Look, I’ve coached hundreds of people and I’ve seen a common pattern: no matter how smart/tough/determined you think you are, trying to establish more than one habit at a time is a surefire recipe for failure.

It isn’t because you are not enough, it’s because life can be tricky: suppose that you have a hard day at work/university/family and this will consume a lot of your brain energies. You may still find some energy to keep one resolution…but if you have two resolutions you’ll lose both of them.

Now, think on how likely it is to have just ONE tough day in 21 days…it’s very likely! Which means that the most of the time, you’ll end up breaking your habit-forming cycle.

And once you break it, you have to start from scratch…and 21 more days to go.

Does this sound like a good plan?

No way. Stick with one resolution at a time and you’ll end up in a very good situation.

Conclusion

Now, if all of this sounds good, I encourage you to start by implementing a good habit: reading a life-changing book, for just 10 minutes a day. It helped me transform my life and can do the same for you.

You can come visit me for some great books to start with.

You’ve read Why Your New Year’s Resolutions Will Fail – and How to Avoid It, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading 5 Key Lifestyle Changes For Staying Sober During Recovery, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Once you’ve made the decision to get and stay sober, it is an ongoing process. It’s going to take effort and a massive 180 degree turn from your life as a former addict. While change is always a difficult thing to cope with, there are a few key lifestyle choices that you can make to help this particular change a little easier to stick to.

Here are 5 lifestyle changes that will help you stay sober during recovery, and even enjoy it.

Honesty

First thing’s first, you simply cannot truly get sober without being honest, sometimes brutally honest, about your addiction.

You absolutely must be honest with yourself first. The fact that you have decide to change your life proves that you can do that, but along the road of recovery you may be tempted to say ‘oh, I can handle that’ or ‘just one sip won’t hurt’. That may be true, but if it’s not, don’t fool yourself. Be open and honest with yourself, but make sure to leave the judgement and pressure at bay.

If you are really serious about sobriety, you’ll also need some kind of help. There’s no shame in it. In fact, getting help is the smart step to take. However, therapists, meetings, sponsors, and anyone else from whom you seek guidance cannot help you if you are not honest with them. It is understandable if you don’t wish to have your personal life become public news, but there are certain people, including yourself, that need to know the facts.

Fitness

Before you decide to skip over this part, remember that getting exercise doesn’t have to mean that you’re at the gym 5 days a week doing all kinds of fancy combinations of cardio, weight training, and so on. There are so many fun and creative ways to incorporate fitness into your routine without it being a hassle, or feeling like a chore. Think sports, dancing, rowing, biking, hiking, anything that involves a little bit of physical exertion and an increased heart rate really.

Working out, in its many forms, carries so many benefits beyond getting in shape and simply looking better. Many people have found that the naturally occurring high that you have when you get your blood pumping rivals the highs of drugs and alcohol, helping you stay sober.

Budget

It’s hard to feel like you’re in control of your life or making progress when there are bills piling up and your financial status is shaky. So much of the stress that people face on a regular basis is money related, and when you’re a recovering addict situations will weigh on you that much more.

So take control by budgeting. Get a job, calculate your earnings against expenditures and debts. Make sure that at some point you are able to save up towards certain goals. Try to stick to your budget so that you always have exactly how much you need. When the stress of a rocky financial status is lifted from your shoulders, you’ll have a few less reasons to reach for that drink.

Healthy Diet

Let’s not kid ourselves here; while living a life of addiction, making healthy food choices

probably was not at the top of your list of priorities. Addicts and alcoholics alike indulge in an alarming amount of sweet and savoury, processed foods. Often times, the only food you ate in a day was probably junk food. Addicts and alcoholics generally don’t care what goes in their body, drugs, alcohol, incredibly unhealthy foods, it’s all the same.

When you’re in recovery, maintaining a fairly healthy diet will actually help strengthen your resolve to stay sober. Paying attention to the food you eat and making sure that it’s good for you will help reduce the chances of you deciding to just take a sip or try a hit.

Gratitude

Chances are that you became an addict because you felt like there was always something missing, or you were very upset about various things and situations. You probably started using or continued using to try and make yourself or the situation feel better. By practicing gratitude, you reverse that thought process.

Instead of focusing on things you’re not happy about, be mindful of the many blessings that you have the good fortune of receiving. When you start paying attention to the various little details of your day that you can be thankful for, you’ll probably find that life’s not all that terrible after all. You will probably find a new appreciation for the world, it’s all about perspective.

These are all very simple things that don’t require too much effort, but for a former addict they can seem like massive lifestyle changes. The good news is that once you get started, and are able to feel the positive effects these changes have on you, it will be that much easier to stick to them. Not to mention, they will increase your quality of life so that you don’t have to feel like reaching for a bottle to feel better. At the end of the day, your recovery is the most important thing in your life. It’s okay to focus on yourself, because you’ll only be able to properly be a part of other people’s lives when you are doing well.

You’ve read 5 Key Lifestyle Changes For Staying Sober During Recovery, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading The Importance of Being Emotional, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Have you ever been criticized for being “too emotional”? And told that this may be hindering your chances of enhancing your career, or advised that “great leaders know how to keep their emotions at bay”? I have. And for a while there, it made me think that, to succeed, I need to strip myself of feelings, or at least to become an A-list actor at hiding them well. Unsurprisingly, this was not an easy task.

But then, I started wondering. Why? Why emotions have to be so bad? And do I have any chances at all to thrive in life then, but to reserve my softness and compassion?
Well, let’s see what wise men have unearthed.

Emotions and decision-making don’t bond well together, we are often told. In fact, to reach good-quality outcomes—ones that we won’t later regret—we’d better take our feelings out of the equation. That is, we have to “keep our heads cool.” Same is true in business dealings—logic, hard facts and data are often the winners when it comes to strategy, negotiations or planning.

Emotions make us appear too human, too warm, perhaps even weak, “irrational” or defocused.
They are good for things as romance, parenting, friendships, but not when we need to make the real, big life choices—as regarding what to go to college for, or what salary to accept to work for, or whether to buy the house or the car we want. These, we tend to believe, are decisions that require the whole logic we can summon—our own, our family’s, our friends’.

We certainly can’t let how we feel get in the way of successfully closing off an important personal or professional deal. The “real” world, for most part, is driven by things as reason, logic, and interests—be it personal, financial or political. We surely can’t, for instance, expect the bank to lend us money just because we really need it, or because we are a really nice and honest fella. We need a solid case, based on tangible and provable facts.

That is, we’ve been historically conditioned to think, emotionality (compared to cognition) doesn’t make for strong convincer, nor is a negotiation-winner, nor a part of the lending criteria of our bank for that matter.

More importantly, however, emotions and respect from others tend to be perceived as rather polar notions. They, more often than not, get in our way of arriving at good decisions; may devalue our brand, or make us come across as the “too mushy” or the “teddy-bear”-ish type. To be respected, one has to be reserved, in control of their feelings, serious, focused, and even egotistical.

Admittedly, the above revelations sound quite trivial and too apparent even. “Tell me something I don’t know,” many are probably thinking here.
Well, here it is.

On the surface, common wisdom dictates that we have to keep our feelings locked away when we face serious choices, have to make important decisions, or want a successful outcome. Who doesn’t know that, right?
In fact, though, it’s quite the opposite.

Emotions are part of the decision-making process, want it or not

In 1994, a Professor of Neuroscience, Psychology and Philosophy at the University of Southern California— Antonio Damasio, came up with a rather stimulating theory, which he called The Somatic Marker Hypothesis (1994). It’s based on what some deem a revolutionary idea—that emotions are helpful and needed for us to make rational decisions, especially in situations when we must make a snap choice, or under high uncertainty.

Generally, science tells us, when we attempt to reach a resolution, we rely on either cognition (reasoning, logic) or emotions. When we navigate in a complex environment, however, our cognitive capacity may reach its limit and overheat. In such situations, emotions are the one that take over and guide our decision-making process and our behavior.

Emotions are not the same as feelings, though, prof. Damasio claims, although in everyday life, they are used synonymously. Emotions are signals in our bodies, as elevated pulse and heartrate, contracting muscles, for instance, which are sent to our brains for interpretation, and based on past stored information in our minds, we experience the subsequent feeling (fear). In this sense, feelings actually follow emotions.

What’s rather intriguing, however, is that prof. Damasio’s research is based on observation of patients with damage to the frontal part of the brain, responsible for emotions (called ventromedial prefrontal cortex, VMPFC). Such individuals, although many high in intelligence, had serious problems functioning normally in their everyday lives. They couldn’t make good and suitable decisions, especially when it came to avoiding risks—a condition, which adversely affected their finances and relationships and many other aspects of their lives.

Therefore, it appears that emotions are not the bad influencer in our reasoning process. On the contrary, they are the ones, which let us to make the right choices, to distinguish between good and bad (not only in the abstract), and help us accumulate wisdom over time, which comes from “cultivating knowledge about how our emotions behaved and what we learned from it.”

Acting out “on emotion”

Thin-slicing is a term, which was popularized by Malcolm Gladwell in his book “Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking” in 2005. But the original idea goes back to 1992 when two professors of psychology—Nalini Ambady and Robert Rosenthal published a paper, documenting how quick observations—usually under 5 minutes (some of the later tests were done for 2,5 or 10 seconds), yielded high-accuracy outcomes. That is, higher than 50%– the rate, which can be attributed to chance.

Such “predictions” or opinions about the characters of people we meet, are not necessarily logical. They are based on our “intuition” and cues we read about others—mostly visual, as gesture, posture, facial expressions. But the “thin slicing,” or the limited and fast evaluations we draw on others, has been shown to correctly reveal information about their personality, sexuality, inner states and moral behaviors (as confidence, honestly, professionalism or optimism). The technique has been recognized to work in various settings and circumstances—from first impressions, to speed-dating, to the choices, which medical professionals, firefighters, policemen have to make in splits of a second.

Labelled “gut feelings” or “sixth sense,” the phenomenon confirms what each of us largely suspects to be true—that our “feeling”-side of the brain is more important that just as a manifestation of our artisticity. It is actually a snap compass to aid us in navigating in the world, in getting to know others, or in making on-the-spot decisions when needed. All this, with a scarily great dose of accuracy too.

Not bad for a mushy inner sensation, which generally contradicts all the logic and cognition we frequently equate with the great decision-making—the ones that are supposed to leads us to success and riches.

Warmth vs Strength

Harvard Professor Amy Cuddy, along with fellows Susan Fiske and Peter Glick, has pondered on this question for a while—that is, to be a good leader, should one come across as warm, empathetic, humane, or as competent, authoritative and perhaps even cold?

When we meet people for the first time. prof. Cuddy claims, there are two things that we quickly weigh on—can we trust the person and can we respect them? The former is the so-called “warmth” dimension, while the latter is linked to competence. And although many of us consider that gaining others’ respect is the first step for a new leader to establish authority, it’s not quite the case.

The most important thing in relationships, including business, is to build trust. It is warmth, not competence that does this. Warmth, prof. Cuddy tells us, can be demonstrated as being empathetic, understanding, listening to others, or smiling. Hence, it is based on creating a personal and emotional connection to others.

To be a successful leader, a person must ensure that they come across as warm first before they demonstrate their competence. “If someone you’re trying to influence doesn’t trust you, you’re not going to get very far; in fact, you might even elicit suspicion because you come across as manipulative,” prof. Cuddy elaborates.

Therefore, to thrive best in our personal and professional arenas, we should become more “feeling” individuals, rather than less. Being temperamental and sentimental are not signs of weakness but of smarts; it means we are perceptive enough to realize that showing emotions and warmth toward others is the right path to building trust and lasting connections, and is also an integral part of being a role model others want to follow.

So, next time, when faced with a big decision to make, or have a “feeling” about someone you just met, or if you want to earn respect from colleagues and friends, just remember—don’t try to reign in your emotions.

Instead, feel away, I tell myself every day now.

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Evelyn Marinoff is a Canadian, currently living in Dublin, Ireland. I am a blogger, a social introvert, an MBA, a passionate reader and a writer in the making. I hold a degree in Finance and Marketing, and I spend my free time reading, writing and researching new and intriguing ideas in psychology, leadership, well-being and self-improvement. You can also find her on Twitter at @Evelyn_Marinoff, or read her blog at mind-chatters.com

You’ve read The Importance of Being Emotional, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading How To Dream Specifically, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

There’s a concept in sailing called velocity made good, or VMG for short. Because a sailboat cannot point directly into the wind and make any forward progress, you have to sail at an angle to the wind. So VMG is the speed that you’re actually making toward your destination.

For instance, as part of a round the world sailing trip I took with my family, we wanted to sail from Panama to the Galapagos. Our speed looked great on the surface, but there were forces holding us back. The most obvious was that the wind was coming directly from where we wanted to go. To make any forward progress, we had to sail at a forty-degree angle to the wind (called tacking), so we were doing a massive zigzag toward our destination. That quickly turns a six hundred-mile passage into a twelve-hundred-mile passage. The wind was also unseasonably light, so we just weren’t sailing fast enough.

However, perhaps the most disheartening force working against us was the one we couldn’t see. There were strong currents under the surface of the sea that were literally pushing us back. So while the boat felt as though she was moving forward across the surface of the ocean, we were actually making very little progress.

The same thing has a tendency to occur in our day-to-day lives: Our VMG just isn’t good enough. We have our eyes on a goal, or a dream, and yet there are forces—both seen and unseen—working against our realizing those dreams.

A key question to ask yourself to begin counteracting those forces is this: Do I really know where I am heading, and where I want to go? Said another way—how am I dreaming?

If you are like most folks—you have a dream. In fact, you have lots of dreams, and yet, the chances are that they are not specific at all. Almost by default, your VMG toward them will be poor.

Dreams, like wanting to be successful in business, wanting to retire rich or early, wanting to be happier, or wanting to have a strong marriage are all vague. Each is lacking specific detail about not only how you’ll arrive at that goal but also what the dream specifically means. What does it mean to you to be happy? How much do you require in your savings account to fund a comfortable retirement? “I want to have a successful career” is a dream that almost everyone has, but people who are specific about defining what success means to them, how they will get there, and by when are far more likely to achieve the dream.

Without specifics, all these dreams lack “teeth”; they are vague. Because they are vague, they open the door for you to focus on the obstacles, fears, and dreads. Ultimately, these negatives get so overwhelming that they paralyze you and prevent you from ever achieving your dream. Your VMG toward that dream will stall altogether, and the likelihood is high that you won’t achieve it. That’s what I mean when I say you’ll die full of potential. You could have achieved something that was important to you during the course of your lifetime, but you didn’t.

Back to the theory of VMG. You are not always sailing against a current when you set sail, and you do not always have to tack back and forth because the wind is coming directly from your destination. Sometimes, the wind is on your beam, (coming across the side of the boat). This typically enables your boat to sail along nice and fast. And sometimes, the current is actually accelerating your progress toward your destination. Your boat’s instruments indicate you are sailing along at seven knots, but your VMG—because of the current—is actually twelve. That doesn’t sound like much of a difference—but in a sailboat, it is massive, cutting the time to your destination almost in half—a really big deal! It’s the difference between taking eighteen days to cross the Atlantic and taking ten and a half days. Metaphorically, this is precisely what happens when you change the way you dream. Instead of dreaming in a way that enables all your specific fears, dreads, and obstacles to paralyze you, you need to dream specifically. With this approach, you will be much better equipped to simply deal with all the fears, dreads, and obstacles—one at a time as they arise.

This changes the conversation entirely. One of the positive side effects of this approach is that it places you much more firmly in the driver’s seat. You have made a specific choice, and you are taking the necessary steps to make it happen. You are no longer a victim of circumstance. All of the more difficult decisions will be easier because they have context—they are all enablers for you to achieve your specific dream.

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Jeremy Cage is President of The Cage Group, which focuses on unleashing the full potential of businesses and people.  He has held senior management positions at Procter and Gamble and PepsiCo; has lived and worked in Sweden, England, Mexico, Venezuela, Brazil and the United States; and took sixteen months to sail around the world with his family.  Cage is also co-founder of several start-up companies in the areas of healthy foods and nutrition. You can learn more at: http://www.thecagegroup.org.

 

You’ve read How To Dream Specifically, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading 5 Ways to Be Happier in 2017, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

It is my suggestion that there are five thieves that rob us of our happiness. A thief is someone who takes away something that is already yours. In the case of happiness, the thieves are thought patterns and internal filters through which we see the world in a distorted way. They cloud our view of what is true and natural.

In my new book, The Five Thieves of Happiness I name these thieves:  control, conceit, coveting, consumption, and comfort. 

Control

The first thief is control, the desire to control the outcomes of our life and for things to be different. Happiness is knowing what we can control and accepting what we cannot control. All suffering is resistance to whatever is at any moment.

How to stop the thief:

In each moment surrender to whatever is happening. Control and influence what you can while choosing to accept whatever is at that moment. Accept the hard truths about life.

Remember that it is the craving for things to be different, not the circumstance that robs you of happiness.

Conceit

Conceit is perhaps the single greatest barrier to true contentment and even societal well-being. Conceit if a focus on your small self, on trying to find happiness separate from all other people and things as opposed to in the experience of being one.

How to stop the thief:

Whenever you find yourself obsessing about the story of your life, remind yourself that you are already a part of a larger story. The thief wants you sitting around, staring at your reflection, but there is no happiness to be found there. Building an equitable world that works for all is part of this, if not for moral reasons than for practical ones. Only when all prosper can we all be truly safe and happy.

Coveting

Coveting is the third thief and comes disguised as something harmless or even ambitious in some productive way. Coveting also keeps us from celebrating for others because life becomes a comparison.

How to stop the thief:

Whenever you find yourself asking the mirror on the wall of your subconscious how you compare with others, remember that it is the thief speaking to you. It is lying when it tells that you that life is a contest rather than a journey. Ask instead: Am I being my best self? Also, practice gratitude through daily journaling or simply taking a few minutes to identify three things that you are grateful in that day and one in your life. Each day choose another person and write down three things you want to celebrate for them. 

Consumption

Consumption tells us that there is something outside ourselves that we need to achieve happiness, and it tries to hide from us the truth that we can choose it at any moment. Intuitively, of course, we all know

that happiness cannot come from consumption of something because we all know people who appear to “have it all” but are consistently discontent, as well as people who have “next to nothing” and appear to be quite happy.

How to stop the thief:

Whenever you find yourself saying, I will be happy when…or I will be happy if…, stop these thoughts and come back into the inner house where happiness is found. Focus on the choice to be happy now. Challenge the consumer in yourself. Whenever you are tempted to buy something, ask yourself if it will bring any real happiness. The thing itself is not a problem; the belief that it will bring happiness is the issue.

Comfort

The final thief—comfort—is an insidious one. In fact, at first glance it may even appear as a source of happiness rather than a barrier to it. This thief is like a lethargic person on the sofa, TV remote in hand. It wants us to stay on the same channel, in the same comfortable position, stuck in a routine that is not life giving. It does not care about the consequences of this routine, even if the channel we are on is no longer of interest to us or serving our higher needs.

How to stop the thief:

Make a commitment to try one or two new things every week. Vary your routines, from taking a new route on your daily walk to a different dating experience with your partner on a Friday night. Try new areas of learning—it is good for both your mental and physical health. Notice the core comfort patterns of your life. What have you carried from your past that is no longer adaptive to your life today? Identify an important pattern, and take two months to work on noticing how it shows up, then choose to ride in another direction.

Take The Five Thieves of Happiness quiz to find out what thief is robbing your happiness.

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Dr John Izzo is a corporate advisor, a frequent speaker and the bestselling author of seven books including the international bestsellers Awakening Corporate Soul, Values Shift, The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die, and Stepping Up. His latest book is The Five Thieves of Happiness.

Over the last twenty years he has spoken to over one million people, taught at two major universities, advised over 500 organizations and is frequently featured in the media by the likes of Fast Company, PBS, CBC, the Wall Street Journal, CNN, and INC Magazine.

http://www.drjohnizzo.com

Twitter: @drjohnizzo

LinkedIn: Dr. John Izzo

 

 

You’ve read 5 Ways to Be Happier in 2017, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading 10 Tips To Attaining Success And Happiness, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

You need to know that success is not limited to specific individuals and that anyone can start today and achieve all their goals and dreams. This should, however, begin from a point of having your own definition of the word, if not then you will go through life trying to achieve other people’s version of success. What happens when we keep chasing false objects of success and happiness is that we end up losing ourselves and we never reach a point in life when we feel fulfilled and satisfied. Achieving success is a journey, one that requires you to cultivate certain new habits that make up for the main tips towards real success and happiness. A fact you should put in mind before we get into the details of how to attain success is that true success should always be built on the foundation of happiness. These two aspects always go hand in hand as they complement each other in making a person’s life purposeful.

1. Determine What You Want

With a desire to be successful in life you need to start by determining what you want to be successful in first. This means having an idea in mind of who you want to be, where you want to be and what you want to have in life. It is a step that opens you up to the path of finding success and happiness. The path is actually clearer when you understand and feel passionate about the things you want in life. It is depressing to go through life every day without a quest and this is what happens when you don’t know what you want. To attain progress and growth in any area of your life, then the first step is defining and understanding your innermost desires. Determining what you want in advance is more of preparing yourself emotionally, psychologically and physically. It, therefore, becomes easier for you to put things in place and then put efforts into realizing your dreams.

2. Believing In Yourself

There is so much strength and motivation that grows inside us when we always believe in ourselves. Self-belief is exactly what you need to be able to face all of the life’s challenges and also prevent the negativity from weighing you down. It is self-belief that makes you get up again and again after every failure or setback experienced. You will always know deep inside that there is nothing impossible for you and that you have what it takes to make a difference in all areas of your life. One thing you should know is that when you lack self-belief then there are high chances that you will have very limited thoughts and ambitions which could mean getting stuck at one point in life. I, therefore, consider believing in yourself as an important step towards creating your desired way of life. It influences how you think and feel about yourself when it comes to attaining success and happiness.

3. Positive Thinking

Positive thinking is believed to be the key to cultivating both success and happiness as it generally impacts every area of a person’s life, both personal and professional. This means enhancing every single aspect from having a growth mindset to having enough self-belief all of which work together in making you a happier and more successful person. Positive thinking is what we learn from the universal law “law of attraction” which teaches that like always attracts like. It, therefore, calls for each person to maintain positive thoughts, words, actions, and emotions. Whether we are aware of it or not, we always attract what we think and the reason why we say that life always stems from our thoughts. To manifest success, health and happiness then you need to develop a positive attitude towards life by being positive in all that you venture into. Do this consistently and never allow fear and disbelief to be a distraction. What the mind believes it can achieve so start your life to a happier and more successful life by believing in all your abilities and in the existence of possibilities. Positive thinking changes us from the inside out and this basically includes increasing the levels of motivation. You can, therefore, use the following tips to have a positive approach towards life:

• Always use positive words when talking and thinking.
• Learn to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones.
• Read and watch inspiring content.
• Cultivate and maintain enough self-love.

4. Showing Gratitude

Gratitude is all about appreciating who you are, what you have and where you are in life. It is a character trait that will bring in more happiness, better health and increased productivity as it changes how we think and feel about life. When you are grateful then every space in your mind is occupied by positive feelings which allow you to face life with enthusiasm. The thing is that if you can’t appreciate your current life situation then it is very unlikely that you will appreciate what you aspire in the future. The universe rewards those who bring out positive vibes and is exactly what gratitude helps you create. We say that gratitude helps you achieve more in life because it leads to increased energy, determination, and enthusiasm.

5.Goal Setting

Goals are exactly what we all need to make real change in our lives as they offer one direction and when you know where you want to go in life chances are that you will always get there. What holds people back in life is the lack of clear goals which are meant to guide you through the journey to being successful. With goals written down, you will always have both the focus and will keep working hard. What makes the idea of setting goals more appealing is the idea of aligning them with specific time limits. An individual therefore works within that period to ensure that all objectives are achieved. We link goal setting to success and happiness as it not only provides you with direction but also a benchmark for determining whether you are making progress or not. It is also essential to know that just writing down what you want doesn’t work the magic, there should also be effort put and strategies laid down. Below are effective tips to creating a life of success and happiness using goals:

• Ensure that all the goals you set are motivating.
• Make your goals specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time-bound.
• When setting goals we do that in writing as that makes them tangible and real.
• Stick to your goals and always track progress.
• With goals in place make sure that you have action plans for each.

6.Effective Time Management

You might think that there is always so much time in the world to create a life but this is never true and we need to make every moment count. Anyone who desires to live a life filled with success and happiness should understand the importance of effective time management. Be the kind of person who plans everything in advance, prioritizes tasks and never procrastinates. Time management allows for increased productivity and reduces stress because you will always do things when they should be done and thus won’t be cramped up with tasks.  We define time management as the process of planning and utilizing your time well between different activities. It is exactly what allows a person to work smarter and harder and that is where real success stems from. Knowing that time is limited is what helps one to ways live in the present and that kind of awareness makes you more focused creative and less stressed. Effective time management is made possible when you apply the tips provided:

• Avoid procrastination.
• Prioritize all your activities
• Adapt to the habit of waking up early.
• Complete most important tasks first
• Always put your mind and heart into what you are doing.
• Know that there are times when saying “no” is okay.

7. Taking Risks

You can never know how far you would have gone if you don’t take risks as life is about reaching out and flying our wings to find new and better possibilities. You can’t get stuck in your comfort zone and expect life to improve or progress. There should be a part of you that is willing to face fears and also have an open mind. When you have goals you need to go beyond limits and find ways of making them a reality. Am sure you have heard the phrase “it is better to try and fail than not try at all” which makes sense because how else will you know whether you can or can’t. The whole idea of taking risks means you need to reach deep into yourself and find that person who is ready to face challenges and obstacles encountered. A risk taker is a person who understands that success doesn’t come easy and that they need to chase it with all they got. Risk taking is what distinguishes doers from dreamers and you already know that you can’t keep doing things the same way and expect different results.

8.Visualize

Visualization is all about creating mental images of the things you want in life and it always motivates, inspires and energizes. It is actually what all of us need, to create a life of purpose. The idea here is that what the mind perceives it can achieve and by living your dreams in the mind your desire to achieve them is increased. It is simply much about picturing yourself succeeding before that happens in reality. Doing this accelerates your achievement of ambitions, goals, and dreams. The effectiveness of visualization lies in the fact that it does away with any negative thoughts or feelings and allows a person to believe in their strengths and abilities.

9.Taking Responsibility

You are your own person and the only one to exercise control over your life by taking responsibility for your actions, thoughts, words, and feelings. An individual who always remains responsible and accountable no matter how bad situations turn out creates room in their life for growth. Taking responsibility puts you in a position where you understand every aspect of your life and are ready to do all it takes to improve yourself. Blaming external forces for what happens to us only makes you weak and is exactly what deters you from achieving your life goals. When things don’t go your way, get back to the drawing board, find out the mistakes made and then come up with new strategies. This saves you a lot of negativity energy and is exactly what will align you with aspects that contribute to real success and happiness.

10.Increasing knowledge and skills

We live in a very competitive world which means that every day should be an opportunity to improve yourself in terms of knowledge and skills. This is especially important in our career path as it allows us to stand out and be able to perform to optimum levels. Anyone who is career minded and focused on succeeding understands the importance increasing knowledge and skills. What this process does is boost your career growth, unlocking your full potential. Knowing and understanding more means that you can handle more and this makes you a productive person, something all industries are looking for in employees.

Do check out for free gifts and tips about success and happiness at our blog if you like reading this post!

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The author is very passionate about personal development and growth. Every year, the author sets aside both money and time to learn from some of the best in the industry in terms of business, investments and personal growth.  He wants to inspire a lot of people around the world, especially to those who may not be able to afford the training. He can be found here and here.

You’ve read 10 Tips To Attaining Success And Happiness, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading Why Some People Are So Irritating, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Why do some people irk, irritate, or get under our skin while others don’t?

And furthermore, why do we find certain people so totally annoying while someone else may think that exact same person is perfectly normal?

Well, I’m going to tell you, but you may not like it.

It’s because Carl Jung (one of the grandfathers of modern psychology) found, through his lifetime of work and research into the human psyche, that the reason some people irritate us so much is because they embody something of ours called the Shadow Side.

This Shadow Side is the parts of ourselves we don’t like. The parts we have disowned and subconsciously denied as being in existence. It’s the things about us we try our darndest to hide or run away from.

To put it bluntly, those unfavorable qualities, habits, or tendencies we notice and get put off by in someone else are really just our own shortcomings that we have turned our back on, and refuse to own up to.

So the things that bother, irritate, get under our skin, and drive us crazy about other people are more often than not, our own disowned, unacknowledged, or rejected issues.

Oh boy.

Was that as tough for you to swallow as it was for me? It’s not an easy thing to hear. That’s for sure.

And in case you are tempted to say something like “Well, that may be true for other people, but not me!” Take a second to think about someone who really gets under your skin. Think about what it is about them that irritates you so much. Is it their bossiness? A self-righteous attitude? Are they a know-it-all? Do they act needy and insecure? Do they try to be too controlling? Do they seek out attention in desperate ways? Does this thing they do drive you absolutely nuts, but some of your friends don’t even seem to notice it, let alone be mildly irritated by it? And does THAT drive you even more nuts?

Why are we irritated or put off by some things people do or say, and not others? And why isn’t everyone put off by the same things?

It’s because you likely struggle with the same issue to greater or lesser extent, but have put it to the back of your conscious mind, into your subconscious so aren’t obviously aware of it.  

It is something to think about… No, this theory does not apply to all situations and to all of the people who get under our skin and drive us crazy, but don’t use that as an excuse to resist taking a moment to have a look at yourself and what you may be tempted to deny also having as a shortcoming or struggle.

This is not easy to do. It doesn’t feel great to have to admit to ourselves that we too have irritating behaviors that may need to be worked out.

But don’t stress about it too too much. The good news is, you’re not alone. None of us are perfect, nor are we, or anyone else, meant to be.

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I’m Julia Kristina M.A. Psych, and I’m a registered therapist, researcher and online course creator out of Vancouver BC. I help men and women get through the crap that’s holding them back so they can like themselves and their lives more everyday. You can read more from me on my website: http://ift.tt/1C3Gd7b and I also give personal development and mindset talks on my FB page: http://ift.tt/2hs1YXs, and run an active and engaged FB group: GoodForMeGroup.com. Join me there so we can connect more!

You’ve read Why Some People Are So Irritating, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading How to Acquire the Knowledge of 20 Personal Development Books in Under 5 Minutes, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Have you ever noticed that, no matter how good a course you attend or a book you read is, only one insight tends to stick in your mind? It’s crazy, we might get a handful of great lessons yet only one stays with us.

The good news is, though, this is usually enough. You can do a lot with one piece of actionable wisdom. It can add a new dimension to your work, it can break a habit that could free you from a lifelong addiction and it can help you let go of old patterns of thinking that held you back.

So, in recognition of the way our brains work, I decided to gather 20 of my favorite personal development books and breakdown their most salient points into just one take away message.

It’s a broad range. You’ll find traditional self-help classics such as Think and Grow Rich alongside lifestyle guides like Paul McKenna’s I can Make you Thin. I’ve also thrown in a couple of business related books like Richard Branson’s Business Stripped Bare and saved a surprise for you at the end.

Of course, I’d be countering my own logic if I thought you’d remember all twenty insights. However, I know that within them, they’ll be one that will jump out and have a profoundly positive impact on your life in the coming months.

Think and Grow Rich (Napoleon Hill) – Write down a crystal clear statement regarding the amount of money you desire, what you will do to achieve this sum and how soon you wish to attain it. Feed your mind on it daily either through repetition or frequent viewing.

You’ll see it when you Believe it (Wayne Dyer) – Most people live their lives only believing something about themselves or their abilities after they’ve achieved it. To distinguish yourself from the masses, you must believe in yourself or your idea even when there is no physical proof or reason for you to do so.

The Power of Now (Eckhart Tolle) – All suffering originates from not living in the moment. If you can let go of all your regrets from the past, fear about the future and calm your racing thoughts, then a life of peace and happiness will be yours.

The Power of your Subconscious Mind (Joseph Murphy) – You are connected to infinite intelligence through your subconscious mind. Learn to use this power positively by having a simple faith that you live a healthy, happy, exciting and love filled life.

As a Man Thinketh (James Allen) – You don’t get what you want, you get what you are. Your habitual thinking will reveal itself through the events and outcomes of your life so take time to master the realm of thought.

Pyscho-Cybernetics (Maxwell Maltz) – Your subconscious mind works likes a guided missile. Give it clear and frequent instructions about what you want from your life and it will course adjust to bring you to your desired destination.

The Magic of Believing (Claude Bristol) – The magic thread running through all religions, miraculous healings and ancient rituals is the power of belief. To use it successfully, you must have a strong emotional conviction in the outcome you want to occur being realised.

Never too Late to be Great (Tom Butler-Bowdon) – With advances in modern medicine and changes in lifestyle, you have multiple chances to be great at something (or many things) in your lifetime. Take a long term view of your life and you’ll realise your success is virtually guaranteed.

The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield) – You don’t need to steal your energy from other people by being controlling or manipulative in your relationships. Instead, there is an abundance of it in the Universe and you can access it at any time by connecting within.

Excuse me, your Life is Waiting (Lynn Grabhorn) – The energy you live with is the key to being successful and living the life you want. Therefore, on a daily basis you must find ways to feel great and avoid negative states.

Man’s Search for Meaning (Victor Frankl) – As long as you have a purpose for your life, you can endure almost any circumstance. Find this purpose through work you are passionate about, your loved ones or a commitment to bear your suffering with dignity.

The 80/20 Principle (Richard Koch) – Life doesn’t work on a 50/50 basis when it comes to efforts and results (you don’t get out what you put in). Instead, the relationship is skewed and some of your efforts will reap extraordinary results (20% effort for 80% result). Find out where these exceptions lie and focus your time here.

Willpower (Roy Baumeister) – Your willpower can be exhausted and needs to be replenished. Be aware of this and tackle major life challenges like stopping smoking and losing weight one at a time.

I Can Make you Thin (Paul McKenna) – Only eat when you are feeling hungry and stop when you are full. Follow this rule religiously and what you eat won’t be such an issue.

Easy Way to Stop Smoking (Allen Carr) – All the benefits ascribed to smoking are purely psychological. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by stopping and, once this penny drops, becoming a non-smoker will be easy.

The Game (Neil Strauss) – Becoming attractive to the opposite sex is a skill that can be learned. Irrespective of your appearance, wealth or previous success in dating, if you can create a belief that you’re valuable then women will want to be with you.

How to Get Rich (Felix Dennis) – Ownership is the key. Own the entirety of the company you work for (as opposed to being an employee or holding a minority share) and you will command a fortune when all of your hard work pays off.

Business Stripped Bare (Richard Branson) – You don’t have to follow the rules to be successful in business and there are no barriers to entry. All you need is your gut instinct and the wisdom to learn from your experiences.

It’s not how Good you Are, It’s how Good you want to Be (Paul Arden) – You become rich and powerful by wanting to be rich and powerful. In a world where mediocrity is the norm, a simple desire for greatness will set you head and shoulders above the masses.

Escape The System (Joe Barnes) – Free yourself from the negative influence of your societies conditioning and the possibilities for your life are limitless. You feeling like you don’t belong or ‘fit it’ is actually message that you have a unique and important destiny.

* * * * * Special Offer for Pick The Brain Readers * * * * *

If you liked the sound of ‘Escape The System’ (number 20 on the list) then you can pick up the shorter version for FREE by clicking the link below.

Escape The System: 50 Insights to Help you Live an Extraordinary Life

Or if you want to go right ahead and buy the full book then you can find it on Amazon here.

Joe Barnes is an author, speaker and coach. Having grown up a misfit, he now helps people identify, and then have the confidence, to go for what they truly want in life. You can learn more about his work at the Screw The System website.

You’ve read How to Acquire the Knowledge of 20 Personal Development Books in Under 5 Minutes, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading The 7 Best Blogs on Integrity, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Integrity can be difficult to define precisely because it is not a black and white or cut and dry definition to most. In our society, many people follow different sets of moral code, that can be defined individually and fall into many gray areas. However, fundamentally, integrity is the ability to do what you say you will do and take action toward the principles you believe in. There are two most common words associated with a person of integrity, these are honesty and trustworthiness.

The practice of integrity is also linked with a lack of self interest, an ability to make decisions that serve the greater good by exemplifying righteousness and decency. Here are 7 blogs that illuminate what it is to have integrity in a mostly ‘me-me’ society.

1. This important blog by Joel Wade highlights how to excel with the practice of integrity and how it translates into everything in our lives from work to relationships. He is all about the idea that a positive impact in society can be a small act of integrity that resonates and changes the people and environment around you.

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2. This blog by Seth Meyers Psy.D., gives us a clear definition of actionable signs that you are a person with integrity. The good news is, one can change their practices to increase the level of integrity they carry through in life. Sometimes we are simply unaware that what we are doing may impact someone else negatively, just being mindful of others with a few small changes, can find us close to living with integrity.

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3. James Bach’s blog lays out a workable strategy for cultivating integrity in both your personal and professional life. After he gives us some precious little antidotes on integrity, he follows with some personal experience of his own life that is both fascinating and inspiring. We are all tested on our ethical values at one time or another, this blog helps one define that ‘feeling’ that comes with being asked to do or say something that doesn’t feel right to us. Standing up for your own values is having integrity.

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4. This is an interesting read as it reveals the perspective of integrity to communication in business relationships. He considers integrity to be ‘the roof under which knowledge and authority dwell’. The take away here is that in order to communicate effectively you must be heard, and in order to be heard you must grant a message that offers integrity.

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5. Integrity is about first identifying your core values, then living in accordance with those with honesty and keeping your word. Put time into relationships with like minded people who display integrity.

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6. A wholly authentic perspective on creative integrity comes in the form of Bill Watterson’s musings, commencement speech and his comics Calvin and Hobbes. The idea is one would be happier to invent one’s own meaning out of life, and that creating a life that satisfies is a rare yet great achievement.

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7. This blog centers on the element of honesty and trust as its concerned with integrity. A long list of the most common forms of dishonesty serve to frame this article, including everything from false recognition to denial and a lack of transparency.

http://ift.tt/2hh8PmB

When one really thinks about it, everything depends on the honesty that is at the core of integrity. If we didn’t have trust, relationships would fail, public leader figures would not be sincere and information would be so fragmented and spun that all we would ever be is guarded, and that is surely no way to live.

‘The reputation of a thousand years may be determined by the conduct of one hour.”-Japanese Proverb

Do you read a great blog about integrity that’s not on the list? Leave a comment on FB!

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Larissa Gomes is a breast cancer survivor and single mom to her spirited baby boy! Originally from Toronto turned Angeleno, she has worked in roles from writer, actor and producer for well over a decade. In that time, she’s developed concepts, film and television screenplays, short stories, along with freelance articles, blogging and editing work.

You’ve read The 7 Best Blogs on Integrity, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading 4 Reasons To Choose A Career Helping Others, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Choosing the right job is challenging at the best of times. How did you choose your career? Perhaps you followed in the footsteps of your parents or siblings, or perhaps you simply pursued a subject that you enjoyed at school. If you’ve ever faced an existential crisis about your work, chances are that feelings of guilt were to blame. What am I doing here? What does this mean? Will this work mean anything when I’m done? These are all common questions that professionals will ask themselves on a daily basis.

The majority of careers are self-serving, and you have to look really hard to see how you are helping other people around you. But the career you chose out of school doesn’t have to the be the one you stick with. If you’re thinking about making a career change, or want some advice on choosing your career path, consider these five reasons that a career helping others can bring you the greatest amount of joy.

Greater Job Satisfaction

It’s easy to feel like a small cog in a giant machine, but helping other can combat these feelings and leave you with greater job satisfaction at the end of the day. By having a positive impact on the people around you, you’ll find it easier to get up and head into work every morning.

You’ll Live Longer

The verdict is in: jobs that make us miserable are actually killing us sooner. It’s a very basic formula, but people who enjoy their work are much happier, and happy people are healthier than their grumpy counterparts. A study by psychologists at the University College London revealed that people in a good mood were 35% less likely to die in the next 5 years. And this isn’t the only study that supports the link between happiness and a long life.

You’ll be surrounded by inspirational people

Industries founded on helping other people tend to attract an incredible range of people. Most industries attract the same sort of person, so you are surrounded by people who look, think and act just like you, but careers that focus on helping others will attract people from disparate backgrounds.

It Helps On Those Darker Days

Helping others doesn’t have to mean completely changing your career – you could pledge your support for a local cause, or you could offer pro bono professional services to a local charity. If everyone pledged to help other people, even in a small way, imagine how much better the world could be? Simple steps like registering to foster a child can help you to overcome the darker days and remind yourself that there is so much good in the world.

Some Parting advice

Helping others isn’t always a walk in the park, which is why there is documented evidence of a condition called “compassion fatigue” in healthcare professionals. Imagine caring so much about people that one day, you are unable to do so anymore? You actually get worn down by caring too much. While this is an extreme case, moving to a career where you can help other people shouldn’t be seen as a simple fix, as it will still be work, and it can be trying at times.

You’ve read 4 Reasons To Choose A Career Helping Others, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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