You’re reading The 5 Best Podcasts on Empathy, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Be a storyteller. Your own story, that is. If we want to understand the idea of empathy and compassion toward others, we must first begin with ourselves. Understanding our own story is a strength that is often overlooked. However, in the philosophies that explain compassion and empathy, these are powerful factors in our emotional intelligence. They allow us to genuinely share vulnerabilities, which in turn can free others to share their own.

Empathy is described as the ability ‘to suffer with’ and to share the pain of others so that their distress becomes our own. However, there are various thoughts on this definition that many can confuse as true empathy. Excusing dangerous behaviors toward you, is projection (or ‘idiot compassion’) and not empathy, as one is assuming these behaviors are simply there because they are acting out of helplessness. Real empathy does not put us in harm’s way, so be aware if someone is not noticing our own anxiety but only theirs. Here are 5 podcasts that have helped to shed some light on what it means to be an empathetic person:

1.To teach empathy accurately we must lead by example. By taking personal responsibility for ourselves in the hope for empathy, we can create a larger self worth and self-understanding. This podcast focuses on shaping a social purpose culture and how empathy and compassion are two of the most potent emotional agents needed for this change.

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2.This podcast urges us to be kind to yourself and accept your faults. She is an expert on the concept of self-compassion. Kristin Neff supposes that “Imperfection is part of the shared human experience”, suggesting that this is what binds us, and we are not alone in our suffering.

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3.Radiolab has a podcast here that has an interesting take on empathy, a lesson from an entomologist in not allowing emotions to overrun objectivity. The idea is to allow the organism to be what it is, and to have respect for their own sense of self. This is a deeper understanding of empathy.

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4.This podcast from NPR, posits the idea of quantum entanglement, which is the thought that two things (atoms) that exist in space at their own rate, can feel the same thing if they connect (entanglement). An interesting scientific take on how we as humans continue to be entangled in the natural world.

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5.This podcast with Dr. Dan Siegel focuses on his term ‘mind sight’, which can be activated when you develop a perceptive stream. Living with only physical sight and not with the ‘mind sight’ can be a disservice to our development of empathy and compassion. He believes that we as humans have an interior mental life that is very important and an empathic comment can go a long way in improving this for others and ourselves.

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Emotional responsibility is about honesty and vulnerability, which can create a safety net for all those you have relationships with as well as opening one up to being a more conscious listener toward others. A deeper emotional connection is necessary for that to take place, one where true empathy can exist. Banishing loneliness and experiencing a wider, deeper life are just a few of the outcomes of the truly empathetic.

Do you read a great blog about empathy that’s not on the list? Leave a comment on FB!

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Larissa Gomes is a breast cancer survivor and single mom to her spirited baby boy! Originally from Toronto turned Angeleno, she has worked in roles from writer, actor and producer for well over a decade. In that time, she’s developed concepts, film and television screenplays, short stories, along with freelance articles, blogging and editing work.

 

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You’re reading 7 Typical Life Situations When You Will Need Public Speaking Skills, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

We all know the feeling—that moment when your heart races along a racetrack of nerves because you need to speak to the public. The audience, whether one dozen people or one thousand, can seem intimidating. Yet speeches, toasts, and other forms of public speaking can sign minds with memorable words. They allow us honor, persuade, and inform. Here are seven typical life situations that call for public speaking. I emphasize a different public speaking tip for each one, so study them well before taking the mic!

The Maid of Honor’s Wedding Toast

If a bride asks you to toast on one of the happiest days of her life, then you can assume your public speaking skills are certainly important for her wedding day. The keys here are a genuine heart and homework. Receive the request as an honor and prepare appropriately. You may start with reading some tips and ready-to-use ideas of MOH speech. Share a special memory that you experienced with the bride. Encourage the newlyweds for the journey that lies ahead. And remember that she wouldn’t have chosen you if she didn’t believe you could do a superb job.

Job Presentation

Some jobs require presentations and even visual aids to emphasize key points. Visual aids such as PowerPoint presentations can really help us to speak well and compel. I love slides because while they help the audience remember key points, those notes can certainly remind the speaker too. Each bullet point or picture should queue your mind on what to say. But beware: don’t read the slides word-for-word! Doing so will surely cause a disconnect from your audience. Rather, keep looking toward them and present!

Prayer at Family Gathering

Every family is different, but praying together is common in many households, especially on holidays like Thanksgiving or Christmas. Picture this: a ring of family stands around the dining room table, absorbing every aroma their nostrils can. Then Aunt Susie asks you to pray. In front of everyone. Keep the prayer simple. This kind of public speaking should be fairly easy because no formal preparation is required. All you need to do is keep a sense of gratitude in mind. Keep the prayer simple and sweet.

Class Presentation (student and teacher p.o.v.)

I’m always amused to see the loudest students grow quiet as butterflies when they need to present a class assignment. These students typically don’t think twice before talking, but the idea of talking to more than a few friends changes everything. For any student who needs to give a presentation, confidence is essential. Speak like you have knowledge on the subject—because you do! With the right amount of research, you can confidently inform or persuade. The confidence rule applies to teachers as well. If you sound unsure of yourself, then students will question your expertise. Be prepared to present with a sense of purpose and authority on your subject.

Testimony

Occasionally someone may ask you to share an inspiring story with an audience. This happens often on missions trips, where people give testimonies of how God healed them. To deliver a testimony, focus on connecting with your audience. Move your eyes around to engage every area of crowd around you. Relax, because people can often tell when you look uptight. Speak clearly and try not to rush. This experience is important to you for a reason, so take them on a story slide ride as you recall a significant event that could impact others.

Sales Pitch

Sometimes a sales pitch can seem like one of the hardest public speaking situations of all. I think of working a sales booth where you must constantly speak lines designed to reel people passing into your booth. Smiling and asking open-ended questions tend to do the trick. It’s hard to frown at someone who’s smiling. And it’s even harder to say “no” to a question that requires any answer but “yes” or “no.”

Party

These events are for fun, right? No pressure, right? Yet many of us do feel public speaking pressure because we need to speak to strangers, sometimes several at once. Consider parties “the perfect opportunity to practice public speaking skills,” as National Speaker Association member Lenny Laskowski notes at ljlseminars.com. So when you attend parties, try to mingle!

Public speaking is not simply for celebrities or keynote speakers. They are those of us who are leaders (see more on leading and public speaking here.) We all lead something, from a simple conversation to a large corporation. Most of us will have several opportunities to speak publicly, but with the right techniques words will flow naturally. Enjoy your opportunities. Become a better speaker with each one.

You’ve read 7 Typical Life Situations When You Will Need Public Speaking Skills, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading 7 Foods Scientifically Proven To Make You Happier, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Good times, bad times, everybody roller-coasters into their own good moods and bad moods.  However, if you’ve become chronically pessimistic with your personal outlook or, even completely grouchy on most days then, a red flag may have to be raised — or not.

See if your mood can be improved simply by incorporating these 7 foods in your daily eating plan:

1. Chocolate. In 2013, a study published in the Journal of Psychopharmacology observed and graded the effect of chocolate on the mood of 72 healthy, middle aged participants.  Participants given high doses of chocolates have significantly higher levels of self-rated calmness and contentedness compared to subjects under placebo treatment.  The researchers recommended for chocolates to be studied as a treatment for anxiety and depression.

Anandamide and caffeine in chocolate is credited for its happiness giving composition.  So, if you’re in a bad mood, take a bar or two and everything won’t seem so bad anymore. However, if you’re trying to lose a few inches at the same time, dark chocolate gives you the better choice.

2.Coffee. If caffeine is making chocolate such a powerful mood enhancer then, naturally, coffee can have the same effect.  Well, isn’t that the reason why most people reach for a cup because it has become such an integral part of their diet plan? In fact, coffee, unlike chocolate which has only been linked to improved moods, improves both mood and cognitive performance — that includes attention span, focus and memory).

More recent studies, however, show that how much caffeine you consume also affects how it positively affects your brain.  Apparently, too much is never good.  Beyond normal caffeine intake, the positive effects of coffee become to taper off and decline.

3.Walnuts.  In a study published in the Journal of the Federation of American Societies for Experimental Biology in 2015, walnuts were found to improve the moods of young male subjects, specifically concerning anger and hostility.

The mood enhancing effect of walnuts has long been attributed to its high magnesium content which helps enhance the levels of serotonin in the brain.  Low serotonin has been linked to several neurological functions that includes mood, normal heart functioning, feeling of pain, and even libido.  Walnuts are real brain food too.  You need just 5 pieces or less to feed your brain with Omega-3 fatty acids.

4.Fatty fish.  Other foods that contain high levels of Omega-3s are salmon, sardines, trout and tuna.  Omega-3s are known to promote overall brain health, which strongly supports how this essential nutrient affects all brain functions that include your mood, memory and capability to manage stress.  Include fatty fish in your weekly diet plan and you won’t have to worry about letting your emotions get in the way of your rationale mind in going about your daily routine.

5.Leafy greens.  These contain high levels of antioxidants — in great and highly varied amounts.  Antioxidants have natural anti-inflammatory properties that help your mind fight symptoms of anxiety and depression.  Depression has been linked to chronic inflammation and by addressing this problem, you are also enhancing your mood.

Leafy greens also promote healthy digestion and aids in metabolism.  The mood enhancing effects of increased serotonin levels, therefore, are greatly affected by enhancing digestive health.  These group of vegetables are rich in B vitamins too which improve nerve health and therefore affects normal brain functioning.

6.Lentils.  Rich in folate, a B vitamin, making this rich source of protein part of your regular diet can also help enhance your mood.  Patients suffering from depression have been found to have lower than normal levels of folate.  These days, folate, along with magnesium, are regularly recommended as supplements for people with psychiatric or mental health problems.  Dark, green, leafy vegetables, beans and chickpeas are also rich sources of folate.

7. Yogurt.  Since improving gut health is essential in enhancing serotonin production levels, the probiotics found in yogurt can help promote good bacteria to overcome potential stomach infections that can get in the way of a good mood.

 Conclusion:

Sometimes, it could just be the little things which your mind and body are subjected to that could be making you feel bad and unusually grouchy — the amount of sunshine you’ve been getting, the level of physical activity you’ve been having or, the kind of food you are filling up with.  When you fuel up with these 7 foods, you are also enhancing your chances of celebrating a fun-filled day rather than a stressful one.

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Lisiana is a renowned independent researcher and is studying the impact of technology in the beauty industry. She is passionate about beauty, makeup ideas, fashion, fitness, health and skincare industry. She holds a Ph.D. in beauty and has been writing on beauty and skin care related topics from past 10 years. In her recent period, she got an opportunity to explore on beauty product Lamour Skin Cream. She has experience of researching as a passion and as well as profession.

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You’re reading Avoid THIS Simple Mistake That Will Derail Your Entire Day, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

I just had one of those days.

You know w I’m talking about…you’re at work with big plans for the day, then 8 hours later you hit the couch, and reflect on what just transpired:

“I didn’t do shit today.”

Am I right? Nothing bums me out more than starting the morning off right only to be derailed shortly after.

Looking back, I can pinpoint exactly what threw me off my game – a borderline useless meeting with my boss.

Experts say your morning often dictates your productivity and energy for the remainder of the day. Personal experience tells me this is true.

If I do something positive within the first few minutes of the day, I’m much more likely to ride that wave for the rest of my working hours.

On the reverse, if I sit around browsing Reddit or listening to a co-worker complain, it becomes much easier to throw in the towel. This sounds extreme, but it literally just happened, so it must be true.

The first few minutes of your day can greatly affect the next several hours.

The mistake I made this morning was letting someone else disrupt my core working hours. I am personally most productive between the hours of 7:30AM and 11:30AM. As a result, this is when I schedule my Most Important Tasks (MITs). When someone else steals my attention during these hours, the rest of my day goes to hell in a handbasket.

This morning was a classic example of that. I got into work with every intention of hitting the ground running. Instead, my boss called our team into a “meeting” to give us an impromptu, motivational, Monday-morning speech. You know the type.

“Five minutes of your time guys. Step in here for a quick chat,” he said. Almost fifty minutes later, I returned to my desk.

The result – at least for me – was the exact opposite of what he wanted to achieve. Rather than work through my list of to-do’s, I sat there completely dumbfounded and daydreaming. It was incredible what a small fraction of the day does to the rest. Whatever, his loss I guess, not mine.

Don’t let someone else dictate your day.

 The lesson I’m trying to convey here is really two-fold:

1. Start your day with positive action. This leads to more positive actions. I used to start my day by checking my phone, going through social media, emails, and whatever else was going on in the world. Now, I wake up, write in my gratitude journal, stretch, brew some tea, then get started with my day. I’m much more productive when I start off on the right foot.

Think of your day like building a snowman. You start with one little bit of snow and it eventually rolls into one giant ball after another. You can benefit from doing almost any positive habit, as long as it’s a conscious action. Brushing your teeth may not work since you’ve (hopefully) been doing it all your life. Instead, try meditating for a few minutes, doing some push-ups, or making your bed.

2. Once you get rolling, don’t let any non-essential distractions derail your day. You know yourself best and when you thrive. Do everything in your power to set aside that time for you and your MITs. Save any meetings, emails, or other “busy” work items for the afternoons when possible.

How to get back on track when the inevitable happens.

 But Jason, what if something comes up and I absolutely have to do it? Great question. Hopefully, this won’t be the norm, but when it does happen, I’ve got a solution for you to try.

This is actually what I did today to get back on the track after that epic morning derailing.

Step 1. Allow yourself to be derailed. I know, this is counter-intuitive, but hear me out. When you’re feeling burnt out and like you want to sink into the couch, just let it happen. Let your mind wander and recharge for a bit. The trick is to give yourself a timer before you muster up the willpower to even attempt getting back on track. I like to set myself 15-20 minutes to allow myself to do stupid things before I start getting back into work mode again.

Step 2. Focus on small wins. Don’t immediately jump into your most challenging and longest task. This is a sure-fire way to completely ruin the rest of your day. Remember, productivity is like a snowman – when you get derailed, you need to slowly build back into it again. The easiest way to do this is to find a couple quick, easy tasks and knock them out of the way. You can actually start by doing something and simple as going to the bathroom. Then maybe do the dishes. If you work at an office, clean up your workplace a bit. Start off with a few tasks that take no more than 5-10 minutes total to complete. Now you’re ready to tackle the big stuff again.

Step 3. Work through your Most Important Tasks. With the productivity snowman starting to form, now’s the time to start working through your list. Remember to avoid distractions, resist the urge to procrastinate, and take short, timed breaks in-between your tasks.

In your work, remember that one good habit often leads to another, and don’t make the mistake of letting someone else’s agenda rule your day.

Jason Gutierrez teaches young professionals and entrepreneurs how to build better habits. He writes at themonklife.net about overcoming fear, making habits stick, and achieving peak performance. Sign up for his free newsletter to get practical advice and tips for becoming better, faster, healthier.

You’ve read Avoid THIS Simple Mistake That Will Derail Your Entire Day, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading The Brutal Truth: How To Be Successful When It Seems So Impossible, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

What I am about to tell you is as unfair as it gets. If your company is struggling, or not progressing as quickly as you would like, whose responsibility is it? Yours. You work the hardest, care the most, put in the most hours, most dedicated, most passionate, put in the money, strain your personal life (if you have one), deplete your finances (if you still have any), strain your relationships (if you have any), cry, drink, don’t sleep, don’t date and spend every waking moment on the business. Is anyone else willing to make the sacrifices you make every day? No one said being an entrepreneur was fair.

Early stage companies need to accomplish a lot with limited resources, and this can lead to organizational chaos. This chaos is characterized by common problems:

• Too much to do

• Lack of financial resources

• Lack of human resources

• Lack of established priorities

• Lack of clarity with internal and external constituents

• Emotional and reactive decision-making

• Frustration with existing resources

• Reactive day-to-day management

The definition of chaos is:

1. “Complete confusion and disorder: a state in which behavior and

events are not controlled by anything.”

2. “The state of the universe before there was any order.”

Starting a business is like driving in New York City. All taxi drivers swerve from lane to lane. Taxi drivers with passengers drive fast and erratically (to get their passengers to the destination as quickly as possible). Taxi drivers without passengers drive slow and erratically (to be in a position to pounce on an available fare). Now add the constant wail of sirens from police cars and fire engines and the inevitable garbage truck. Crazy. Imagine if you took away all structures of order—lights, lane lines, speed limits and traffic signs—and threw in jaywalking pedestrians, a couple of skateboarders, a dog walker with an unwieldy pack of hounds and a good oil slick. It becomes a game of Frogger on steroids. Chaos!

Now you know what it feels like to be an entrepreneur—if you didn’t already. Without the appropriate tools to manage, entrepreneurship is a like driving in New York City without any lane lines, speed limits, stop signs or traffic signals.

Sounds about right, doesn’t it? You probably believe the cause of this chaos is that your business is unique or faces a unique set of obstacles, you’re developing a new market, or you don’t have the resources to operate like a more established business. It is common for us entrepreneurs to blame the chaos on others, the lack of money, the lack of resources, the lack of a defined market, or one of the many other excuses for not fixing the chaos. When you believe passionately in your idea and chaos ensues, it’s easy to blame everyone and everything else. After all, you think you are doing the right thing. This may be ego, insecurity or over-confidence in your ability. The natural reaction is, “How dare you challenge me? Without me, this business would be nothing.” We all say, “It’s not me, it’s you.” Customers don’t understand. Employees don’t work hard enough. Employees aren’t talented enough. Vendors don’t perform. Advisors aren’t committed. Investors haven’t seen something like this before. Friends don’t care as much as we do. Family can’t understand what it feels like to walk a mile in our shoes. There may be some truth in each of these complaints, but what is important is why you are getting negative results in the first place.

Want to know the cause? You may be ticking off a hundred reasons in your head as you read this sentence, but ultimately, there is only one, and that is You. Why? In addition to being the most dedicated, you are also the most emotional, the most tired, the most reactive, the most frustrated, the most _______________ (insert what you are feeling right now). You get the picture.

The pressure, emotion and intensity of being the entrepreneur is often accompanied by a lack of perspective, and a failure to apply to your own behavior a set of basic principles that will prevent a chaotic business environment. The same drive, self-assurance, and creativity that enable you to create a vision, are often the same characteristics that prevent you from bringing that vision to life.

Isn’t that a relief? You thought you had hundreds of problems to fix and you only have one—You.

Don’t look at this as fixing something that is wrong with you. It’s natural that you are in over your head. Being an entrepreneur is a humbling experience. Your friends say to you, “You get to be your own boss.” You think to yourself, “It must be cool to make the donuts at Dunkin Donuts.”

Accepting that your company is flailing because of you is a tough pill to swallow, but once you take the medicine, and put the job of “learner” on your resume, you can do great things. Accept this truth, and it will set you free.

With that in mind:

Why is there too much to do? Because you need to set the priorities and align your resources to those priorities.

Why do you lack financial resources? Because you need to raise enough money to keep the company properly funded.

Why do you lack human resources? Because you need to raise the capital necessary to build the right team.

Why do you not have established priorities? Because you need to understand how a company that has to do everything, can still prioritize one thing over another.

Why do internal and external constituents lack clarity? Because you need to avoid communicating in a way that is confusing and verbose.

Why are you frustrated with existing resources? Because you need to understand their role, establish their job, and align their skills to the appropriate tasks.

Why do you make reactive and emotional decisions? Because you are reactive and emotional.

Why is the management of your company reactive? Because you need to build a plan.

Bottom line—it is your job to fix these issues. You are the leader, and must manage the chaos, whether it is the pressure, passion, pleasure or pain, a lack of experience or a lack of perspective doesn’t matter. But while you’re doing hard work, remember that you are the greatest tool you have to transform chaos into order and to bring your vision to life—and to see it grow successfully.

Michael Dermer is the founder/author of The Lonely Entrepreneur, a methodology to help entrepreneurs with the struggle. He discovered this methodology when the company he built for a decade – the first to provide rewards for healthy behavior – was nearly destroyed by the 2008 financial crisis. He not only overcame this to become an industry pioneer, but discovered this methodology to help entrepreneurs with the struggle and is now a professional speaker, consultant, and coach for startup businesses and entrepreneurs.

You’ve read The Brutal Truth: How To Be Successful When It Seems So Impossible, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading 10 Reasons We Need Sleep, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Sleep is essential to health. Adults need 7-9 hours of restorative sleep. But it’s not enough to just sleep eight hours. Quality of sleep is important as well.

What sleep does to restore us is based on our response to stress and our autonomic nervous system. This system is about the balance of our sympathetic and parasympathetic systems. Sympathetic provides our fight or flight response. This elevates our heart rate, our blood pressure and the stress hormone cortisol, so we can get out of danger. The parasympathetic is our rest and digest system. This system lowers blood pressure, heart rate and mobilizes our gut. Both systems should be equal and active to keep us in balance.  Sleep is our part of our parasympathetic and recharge system.

1 – Detoxification:

Our brain detoxifies while we sleep by sweeping up all the toxins from the chemical reactions in our brain. Glutathione is an antioxidant in our body made in the liver. Decreased sleep leads to decreased glutathione, which leads to chronic illness.

2 –Hormone balance:

Sleep debt results in decreased growth hormone. This hormone grows bones, and helps heal our injuries. Sleep debt affects our body’s ability to grow and heal.

3 –Glucose control and (4) Control of blood pressure:

Cortisol is our stress hormone. Some stress is actually good for our body. We need some cortisol to get us out of danger — as in fight or flight. However, persistent elevation of cortisol is a problem.  When we stress our bodies with poor sleep, our bodies maintain high cortisol levels. Cortisol also serves as our wake up hormone.  It peaks in the morning and goes down as the day goes on. When we do not get adequate, quality sleep, cortisol levels go up at night, which actually causes our sleep habits to worsen. Poor sleep leads to more poor sleep, keeping cortisol levels from changing as they should. Sustained, increased levels of cortisol cause elevation in our morning glucose, as well as elevation in our blood pressure, which can increase our cardiovascular risk for heart attacks and strokes.

5 –Weight management:

Leptin and ghrelin control our hunger and satiety. Both hormones are disturbed by lack of sleep. This means that we are hungrier with less satiety when we don’t sleep. As a result, we crave foods that are not healthy for us, like high sugar foods. This directly impacts our weight control.

6 – Memory:

Neural pathways to our memory center are directly impacted by sleep disturbance, causing poor memory storage. When we are stressed, cortisol levels are higher. Higher cortisol levels lead to trouble sleeping. Poor sleep results in decreased ability to retain memory.

7 –Risk for certain cancers:

Studies have shown that darkness when we sleep induces the hormone melatonin, which normally peaks at night. Melatonin can protect us from certain cancers. Melatonin is suppressed when we look at our phones or tablets or are working in bright lights.

8 –Manage Immune System:

Sleep disturbance can lead to a suppression of our immune system, which is why we tend to get colds more quickly when we don’t sleep.

9—Performance:

Studies have proven that even a decrease in sleep for one night by approximately 1.5 hours can lead to a decrease in alertness and performance the next day. Leave the task and work on it in the morning.

10 — Improved energy:

Restorative sleep leads to a refreshed state. We charge our battery and reinforce the ‘rest and digest’ part of the system.

About Jyothi Rao MD

Dr. Jyothi Rao, MD, ABAAHP, FAARM, has been practicing medicine for the past 16 years. She received her Doctorate of Medicine from Rutgers New Jersey Medical School and completed her residency at New England Medical Center (Tufts) in Boston. She heads the holistic medical practice of Shakthi Health and Wellness Center, located in Mt. Airy, MD. She is certified inMedical Acupuncture from UCLA as well as certified in Cardiopulmonary Stress Testing, a personalized assessment of cardio and pulmonary disease. In addition, she is Board Certified inInternal Medicine and in Anti-Aging Medicine. She is an Instructor at Maryland University ofIntegrative Health.  Dr. Rao appears as a medical expert in the TOP Interviews that can be seen on, Fox News, CNBC and other television networks. She lives in Elliott City, Maryland. Her book Finding Balance: Empower Yourself with Tools to Combat Stress and Illness is out now. 

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You’re reading How to Simplify Life and Live More Authentically, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

I have to be upfront with you guys. I’m confused. By just how much pressure we put on ourselves, to be successful in “the eyes of the world”. Instead of focusing on living more authentically, we pander to an imaginary audience.

We play ourselves into a standard that’s been shaped by ethereal, myriad, influences. Just like a puppeteer strings along a puppet, we do the very same thing to ourselves, under the misguiding, subtle guidelines around us.

We make choices based on what we think other people will think, often without even realizing it. BUT, they don’t care – not nearly as much we believe. And even if they did, what do you or me owe them?

The truth is – Nothing.

Note: We focus on other people so much, partly because we haven’t developed full confidence in our self-reliance. So, I have a special bonus for you. It’ll help you focus on what you can do, to help create an authentic work-week. Make sure you read all the way to the end to get it.

We care too much about how we look

I’m not saying it’s always bad to ponder how someone (whether close or distant), or some group, will view our actions. But more often than not, it isn’t important. In fact, it can make us leave the better play off the table, out of fear of being ridiculed, judged, or sometimes, even applauded.

We care too much about fitting or being seen by this illusory audience. Or we care too much about not being seen by this audience. We either want to cause a commotion, or not cause any. This inherent complexity we struggle with is often at the very root of our bad or “acceptable” decisions.

We end up:

• Saying yes to an invitation we don’t really want to go to because we don’t want to let someone down.
• Sticking longer with the career we know isn’t right for us because we’re uncertain about those around us will think about a potential change.
• Not practicing our passion because we don’t see enough other people doing it consistently e.g. skateboarding, playing an instrument, or training our sports skills.
• Doing something just for the sake of applause, being recognized or approved of – even though we couldn’t care less about it.

There’s a board of advisers we’ve allowed to creep in

We compromise our lives – because of the shadowy figures in our psyche.

If this imaginary audience fell away (the complexity) from our minds and hearts, a shift would happen.

Life would be simpler, far simpler.  We would end up making the best, albeit more challenging choices, benefiting ourselves immeasurably – and ironically also – those who we fear will judge us, at least, in the long-term. They either will be inspired by our actions, or learn something from them.

Because whenever we live authentic lives, through the simple act of making a choice that’s true to ourselves – we nurture that collective spirit of growth.

By the way: Maybe you experience a lack of control in your work-life. If you do, maybe it’s because you’re focusing on what’s outside of your control. I’ve put together a complete system to help solve this. Watch out for it soon.

So, how do we live more authentically?

In the moments of decision, we sow our character. Whenever we’re faced with a choice, and we don’t want to let down this imaginary audience, or want to please them, what can we do to step out of this illusory mirage, so that we make the right choice?

Realize this. There is no audience.

It will always be just you, at this very moment. On the verge of making a decision, that can either improve or devalue you. Often, we just look at some our decisions as inconsequential in the long term e.g. whether it’s accepting that cake even though you don’t want it, or not saying something you feel you should say. But each bad decision we make or good decision we fail to make lowers our self-esteem.

Subconsciously, we’re telling ourselves; that other people are more important than us.

Before long, we string ourselves down a rabbit hole of dissatisfaction. Equally, and more importantly, each time we make a decision that’s true to our highest self, we end up reinforcing the habit of living simpler, authentic lives. We’ll end up building our internal locus of control, what JB rotter called: “the degree to which persons expect that reinforcement or an outcome of their behavior is contingent on their own behavior or personal characteristics.”

“Anyone can do his work, however hard, for one day. Anyone can live sweetly, patiently, lovingly, purely, till the goes down. And this is all that life really means.” – Dale Carnegie.

This quote from Dale Carnegie is far easier to embody when we give up this “imaginary audience”. The eyes of the world don’t exist, yet we go through life, with the filter of other people’s viewpoints domineering our psyches. According to research, published in the journal Current Biology, activity in the ventral stratum, the brain reward center, lights up when we receive approval from others. We are very much social creatures, but I can’t help but feel that doesn’t mean we should remember that in the end, our choices are ours, and no one else’s.

A Recap on living more authentically and your Bonus

Here’s a quick recap of this article:

• We shouldn’t blame ourselves too much for caring about what other people think; it’s part of our biology. But just by being aware of it, we can sublimate it.
• We are not more important than anyone, and no one is more important than us. There is no audience.
• Every choice we make either improves or devalues our life. Each time we make a decision that’s right for us, we’re living more authentically, and enhancing our self-esteem.

Since you’re still here, I’m going to give you a FREE Bonus to help make sure you take back control, so that you make your work-life far more satisfying and authentic.

• First, I’ve put together a list of the best little morning routines, with a unique twist, so that you can feel at ease each day. You won’t be able to help but approach your work with a greater degree of control.
• Second, I’ve included a methodology on how to split up your day into four chunks, so you’ll worry less about external influences each day.
• Third, I’ll show you how to consistently celebrate your small wins, so that you feel more creative and enthusiastic about what YOU are doing each day – and not what others are.

If you’d like to learn how to implement all of my strategies, as a PicktheBrain reader, you can click below to access my eBook (12 mins read). I’ll show you the behind the scenes to every detail of the system you need to be in full control of your work-life. (Access here).

References

1. Current Biology Journal report on ‘How the opinion of others affects our valuation of objects’ , D, K Campbell: http://ift.tt/2eLvVUD
2. Internal Control vs External Control of Reinforcement, J,B Rotter: http://ift.tt/2eLxDpe
3. Philosopher Notes, 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem, B Johnson: http://ift.tt/1j8o7sb

About the Author: Samy Felice is a writer who is passionate about ideas related to living a meaningful life. His free book explores ways people can make hard work easier.

You’ve read How to Simplify Life and Live More Authentically, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading The 7 Best Blog Posts on Overcoming Fear, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

As we approach Halloween, surrounded by the machinations of fright, the emotion of fear is conjured up in our psyche. There is a voice that babbles on inside our mind, often times stopping us dead in our tracks. This voice is fear. On the one hand it serves as a biochemical response to the danger of life or death threats, allowing us a visceral insight into our prehistoric past. On the other hand, fear is an emotion that is very subjective. If it is personal demons that make us cower, exposing them can be the first step in loosening its grip. A clear definition of fear is described as this: ‘An anxious feeling, caused by our anticipation of some imagined event or experience.’ Fear can stifle our own progress and confidence but there are insights and strategies that can help us triumph over them. Here are a few blogs that may help with this:

Tiny Buddha’s blog gives 9 concise steps to follow on the path to overcoming fear. Begin with staring it boldly in the face, accepting your obstacles, then revisiting your successes and being grateful for the supportive encouragement you have around you. Lastly, take action toward your dreams.

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This blog post from IQ Matrix helps one define what fear means to us personally, by examining the progression of our own experiences from early childhood to the present. They further discuss tactics to manage and potentially rid yourself of those fears. It is a helpful tool toward developing an approach to truly move past negative thought patterns.

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Henri’s blog has a wonderful article on overcoming fear for those really ready to tackle it in a step by step way. He offers 33 ways to discover how to own your fears. Everything is covered from your diet, your perspective and seeking professional help. There’s a helpful video at the end to help one trust themselves.

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This blog post from Anxiety Coach deals with the real anxiety disorders that many face, helping to end the cycle of a downward spiral. Facing the root of your anxieties head on and learning specific methods to stop ‘putting out fires with gasoline’!

http://ift.tt/1uTALhj

This blog, from Crew, is helpful in that it breaks down what actually happens in our brains when we are conditioned to fear. It surmises that fear is largely unconscious and by the simple act of being aware of this is what is needed to control it.

http://ift.tt/2eyFeYT

James Clear’s blog appeals to the idea that we make ‘uncertain things, certain’. Which is largely what incapacitates us and lends power to our fears. There is not such thing as failure if you are aware that fear is the unraveling of our circumstance directly connected to our ability to take action on it.

http://ift.tt/19ZjXOf

Pressure, comparison and self-doubt can make us fear that we are never going to be good enough. The danger in these fears, besides them wrecking havoc on our confidence, is that they stagnate us from development. Being kind to yourself will go much further in releasing negative thoughts than a bullying yourself to be the best. Read more from this great post by The Every Girl.

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Fear is a haunting thing. It can lie dormant in our subconscious until we are ready to face whatever it is holding us back from our true feelings or from actualizing our true potential. It is only natural to experience the happiness that comes from overcoming our fears. One may worry that pushing through the discomfort of overcoming fear in order to live authentically on your own terms never looked is too frightening, but fear not, it is attainable if you choose to do the work it takes to face it. In the famous words of Franklin D. Roosevelt: ‘Only thing we have to fear is fear itself.’

Do you read a great blog about overcoming fear that’s not on the list? Leave a comment on FB!

Larissa Gomes is a breast cancer survivor and single mom to her spirited baby boy! Originally from Toronto turned Angeleno, she has worked in roles from writer, actor and producer for well over a decade. In that time, she’s developed concepts, film and television screenplays, short stories, along with freelance articles, blogging and editing work.

You’ve read The 7 Best Blog Posts on Overcoming Fear, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading If You’re Saying Yes To THIS, What Are You Saying No To?, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Many hardworking people, especially (but certainly not limited to) those in the early stages of their careers, have a hard time saying no when asked to take on new tasks in the workplace. Early on in adult life, we’re conditioned to take on new responsibilities and accept the challenges handed to us at work.

Say yes now, figure it out later.

Although sometimes that works out well (“Do you know how to resize photos in Photoshop?” “Of course!” — it’s easy enough to Google), oftentimes the effect is opposite to what we’re hoping for. Instead of looking like can-do, efficient workers, we end up behind on other commitments and burnt out trying to accomplish everything we set out to do.

Some of us have had jobs with crazy, almost impossible deadlines. We’d receive emails at 3:30 a.m. and wonder if our project manager had gone to bed yet or if she was already awake, starting her day. Being busy doesn’t always translate to being productive. Nor healthy. Someone told me recently that their friend missed her grandfather’s funeral because she couldn’t get out of work. Surely this can’t be the way to get ahead in our careers.

But, of course, we all want to show initiative and develop new skills at work.

So, what to do? How can we take on more if we’ve already taken on enough?

The Coaching Habit outlines seven great questions that every manager ought to ask in order to effectively lead their employees to success. When it comes to an overwhelmed and overworked employee who is saying yes to yet another thing that’s being thrown at them, why not ask, “If you’re saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?”

This question is a strategic one, and one that can help both manager and employee prioritize and evaluate.

As a manager, asking this question of your employee helps you define what exactly the employee needs to focus on and how exactly you can help them get there. As an employee, answering this question forces you to explain exactly what you need from your manager in order to complete the task.

This question may lead to many more questions, but that’s why it’s so strategic.

A yes is nothing without the no that gives it boundaries and form. Learn to say yes a little more slowly — ask more questions before committing, no matter what side of the question you’re on.

It’s tough to say no to coworkers, and even tougher to say no to bosses. Managers, too, want to say yes to helping their employees. Unfortunately, sometimes we really do need to say no, or at least figure out a way to say no to one thing in order to say yes to something else.

Here are few questions you can ask that will help you say yes a little more slowly:

• Why are you asking me?
• Whom else have you asked?
• When you say this is urgent, what do you mean?
• According to what standard does this need to be completed? By when?
• If I couldn’t do all of this but could do just a part, what part would you have me do?
• What do you want me to take off my plate so I can do this?

These questions will show your interest in the task at hand, help determine what both parties can do to help and have the end result of creating a strategic and feasible plan. Sometimes you might have to say no to part of the request, or even to all of it, but other times you’ll discover there are ways to alleviate stress and complete everything that needs to be done.

And you never know — the person looking for an immediate yes may just head off to find someone else willing to say yes quicker than you were!

For useful tips and tools that will help you improve the way you lead, check out the Box of Crayons blog. We often share blogs like these:

The Hardest Question to Ask
5 Tactics for Managing the Overwhelm
What to Do When Your Boss Is Crazy

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Michael Bungay Stanier is the Senior Partner of Box of Crayons, a company that helps organizations do less Good Work and more Great Work. Box of Crayons is best known for its coaching programs, which give busy managers practical tools to coach in 10 minutes or less.

Download free chapters of Michael’s latest book The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever here.

You’ve read If You’re Saying Yes To THIS, What Are You Saying No To?, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading 4 Common Reasons Why You Fail to Achieve Your Goals, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Are you making progress? In this article I’m going to give you 4 reasons why you fail to achieve your goals and hopefully by the end of this article you will be able to make the necessary adjustments.

1) You have too many goals

How many goals do you have? Having too many goals is one of the most common mistakes that people do. When you try to aim at too many targets as the same time you end up hitting none of them.

Look at your current list of goals; what are the two or three main goals that you absolutely want to achieve?

To achieve your goals I highly recommend you to focus on the 1 or 2 area(s) of your life in which you really want to make significant changes. Identify the one or two main goals that will have the maximum impact in these areas before moving to any other areas of your life.

Main areas include your career, your health, your relationships, your personal growth and your finance. You should spend the majority of your time working on these goals because they will have the biggest impact on your life.

What are the areas of your life you really want to focus on right now?

2) You are not obsessed with your goals

Let me guess: the only time you set goals is at the beginning of each year as part of your so-called New Year resolutions, but you quickly forget your resolutions a few weeks later.

Let’s be honest, how truly committed are you to achieve your goals? How often do you look at your list of goals?

Here some of the things I personally do to ensure I stay on track with my goals:

• I look at my goals every single morning and read them out loud 2 or 3 times
• I’m constantly thinking about them throughout the day.
• I make my goals a must. Not achieving them is a big deal
• I keep talking about them with my friends or other people I meet in order to increase my commitment to them

What about you? How obsessed are you with your goals?

3) You are not mentally prepared

You may be obsessed with your goals but what if you encounter major setbacks during your journey towards these goals?

Most people give up to easily on their goals and the main reason for that is because they fail to prepare themselves mentally for temporary setbacks. They don’t create a clear plan of action that they can implement to cope with setbacks. Here are some questions you should ask yourself:

What are all the possible obstacles that I may encounter as I’m working towards my goals? How will I tackle them? What would have to happen for me to give up?

Just by visualizing everything that may go wrong and writing down a contingency plan you will significantly increase your ability to persevere when facing temporary setbacks.

4) You lack patience

I found lack of patience to be a major problem as I work towards my goals. The more obsessed you are with your goals, the more emotionally involved you will become. This is a good thing.

However, you also need to realize that constantly thinking about your goals can make you feel like you’ve been working on them for an entire year even though it has only been two weeks!

Then, you start feeling like you are not getting any result and before you know it you start doubting yourself ready to give up. Does it sound familiar? When that happens, keep telling yourself « it’s okay, I have time. I have time. »

You have time so don’t let your mind trick you and keep working on your goals every day. Let me say it again: “you have time!”.

These tips helped me tremendously stay on track with my goals so I sincerely hope that they will be as beneficial to you as they are to me. In case you don’t have written goals yet, I highly encourage you to get started today!

Here is a special bonus for you

Why not go further in your personal development journey? If you like this article I’m sure you will benefit from my free e-book. You can download it below:

The 5 Commandments of Personal Development

Thibaut Meurisse is the founder of whatispersonaldevelopment.org. Obsessed with improvement, he dedicates his life to finding the best possible ways to durably transform both his life and the lives of others. Check out his free e-book “The 5 Commandments of Personal Development” or order his book Goal Setting: The Ultimate Guide To Achieving Goals That Truly Excite You on Amazon now.

You’ve read 4 Common Reasons Why You Fail to Achieve Your Goals, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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