Science has discovered two major traits that have been proven to have a wide range of benefits, intelligence and self-control. We do not have much control over our intelligence (note that this is different from learning, we can all learn) but we can strengthen our self-control.

It is very interesting to note that self-control acts in the same way as a muscle, getting tired out after repeated use. In an interview with Researcher by Roy F Baumeister, who conducted a study in self-control; he concluded that self-control is a limited resource. It is more difficult to perform consistent acts of self-control.

In an examination he performed to gather data on the power of the will, one group of participants was asked to eat chocolate chip cookies while the other group was asked to resist chocolate chip cookies and eat raisins instead.

Afterwards, they were told to work out a geometric puzzle that had no solution. The first group, who was able to indulge in chocolate chip cookies quit after about twenty minutes. The group that had to practice restraint and eat the raisins quit, on average, after only about eight minutes.

This goes to show us that our self-control gets tired just like a muscle but it can be built up over time by exercising it and allow you to perform extraordinary feats of will.

Benefits of Self-Control

1. Increases decision making capacity

When we exercise self-control after making a decision it becomes more difficult. When we practice self-control first, it becomes easier to make decisions because our minds switch to simpler processes. For example, a dieter may avoid a donut first thing in the morning but after making tough decisions about work and life all day, their self-control may have slipped by the time they should say no to cake as dessert after dinner.

2. Increases chances of success

Research at Duckworth Lab at the University of Pennsylvania’s positive psychology center concluded that when self-control was measured against talent over time the ones that practiced grit rather than relying on talent came out as more successful. For example, in an experiment carried out between two groups at West Point, those that relied on self-control had a better chance at being able to move past the first summer of intense trials over those that had domain relevant talents such as physical fitness.

3. Self-control can help us curtail impulsive behaviors such as lying and binge drinking

In a study conducted by Meldrum et al. A group of 1600 adolescents in US schools were asked if they had taken a fictitious drug and if so, how frequently.

Out of the participants, 40 said that they were familiar with the medicine and had taken it in the past.
This goes to show that some people can’t help lying and those that have low self-control are more likely to succumb to the impulse even if, like in this situation, they have nothing to gain from it.

4. Improves FOCUS

In a study by Bertrams et al., participants were asked to solve math problems while under pressure. The participants that were evaluated as having low self-control were distracted by negative thoughts and did much poorer than their disciplined counterparts.

Self-control allows us to focus our energies on the task at hand and tune out distractions which make sure we perform to the best of our abilities. It also allows us to kick those negative thoughts out of our head, a major impediment to long term success.

5. More likely to get rich

Although self-control is not the end all be all when it comes to making millions, it is an incredibly significant factor.

In a study conducted in New Zealand that shadowed 1,000 children over the course of 30 years. It was determined that those who had high levels of self-control went on to land high income jobs and had significantly lower levels of addiction. Only 10% of the children with developed discipline were in low income jobs as opposed to over 30% of those with poor discipline being in low income jobs.

6. Promotes Congruence

Have you ever held two conflicting desires in your mind like wanting to eat a the last piece of red velvet cake after dinner but at the same time wanting to drop a few pounds?

People that are able to practice self-control have more harmonious lives because they avoid situations in which they have to choose between desires.

Instead of fighting with themselves over eating the last piece of cake to stick to their diet, they would not have bought the cake in the first place and therefore prevent themselves from being exposed to conflicting desires.

Conclusion

Self control is one of the most important skills that we can learn to harness. The positive effects spill over into many different parts of our lives and allow us to make better decisions and experience a better reality.

Self control is not all bout denying yourself pleasures, it also encompasses working towards a higher ideal and sacrificing some things in the now in order to achieve long term goals. Many people are unable to make exert the necessary will power to make the changes that they so desire in their lives. One thing that holds true no matter where you are or where you are going, nothing TRULY worthwhile every came without putting forth a little effort.

“I am, indeed, a king, because I know how to rule myself.”  Pietro Aretino

 

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We all want to reach our goals. We’ve got exciting plans, cool projects and important things we want to accomplish.

Maybe you want to start a business, get skilled at something or get your finances under control. Or you might want to eat healthier, exercise regularly or start a morning meditation habit.

The sad thing is that many of us just aren’t reaching our goals. We take a few steps and then stop. We promise ourselves we’ll take up a new habit or routine – we last a few days, maybe a week, and then we’re back to our old ways.

We forget, we get distracted. We come up against too many obstacles. We feel overwhelmed by all the tasks involved. Life gets busy. Old habits take precedence over the new habits we really need to cultivate.

How can we radically improve our success in reaching our goals?

Here are the 3 high-impact habits you should cultivate if you want to achieve your goals. The reason many of us don’t reach our objectives faster is because we’re usually doing the opposite of these essential habits.

1. The Habit of Focus

Develop single-minded focus.
There are a lot of reasons behind a lack of focus – busy schedules, an inability to say ‘no’, choosing immediate pleasure over long-term rewards, time-consuming responsibilities, time-consuming people (red alert!) and other reasons.

If we want to reach our goals, we need to do something different. We have to stop zig-zagging all over. We have to give up “start-stop-maybe later”. We need laser-like focus.

Work on one thing at a time. Completing tasks is vital to feeling motivated and successful. It feels unsettling to have a list of half-finished or barely-started goals, projects and tasks. Commit to the task that’s in front of you. Take it to completion.

Minimize distractions. You already know which ones. Entertainment, email, social media and sometimes even certain people. Yes, even funny cat videos (well, save those for the weekend maybe).

“Focus means saying ‘no’ to everything while working on your task, project or goal. Block out the world and say ‘yes’ to the task in front of you.”

Develop both short-term and long-term focus. Short-term focus helps you with your immediate tasks and long-term focus is what directs you to keep giving attention and energy to your long-term goals.

When you apply long-term focus, you’re committing to something over the long haul. You might only spend a few days a week on your goal, but over a period of several months, you keep dedicating time to your goal on a regular basis.

2. The Habit of Determination

Cultivate relentless determination.
Imagine a hungry dog in your kitchen and you’ve placed a big, juicy steak on the counter, just slightly out of his reach. He becomes a slobbering mess in anticipation of this perfect treat. That dog is going to try again and again to get that steak. He’ll try all day, he wants it that badly.

That’s determination. You need to be that slobbering, hungry dog.

Ok, maybe I’ve gone too far with that one, but cultivating determination is essential if we want to make faster progress. Determination = intensity. It’s heat. Passion. Hunger.

Quite often, we’ll only make one or two attempts at something new or difficult. When we don’t get quick results, we label our efforts (and ourselves) as a failure. The real problem is we just gave up too soon.

Whatever you’re working on, commit to it. And each day, commit to it just a little bit more. Keep coming back to it and don’t let it out of your sight.

Remind yourself daily why you want your goals. Vividly imagine all the positive benefits you’ll get and how amazing you’ll feel once you’ve opened your first business or become conversational in Italian or started your morning Yoga routine.

This will be the fuel that drives your determination. Drink up. Slobbering is optional.

3. The Habit of Continual Improvement

Make small, steady improvements.
Learning, growth and skill development usually happen over a period of time. We don’t have to be immediately amazing at something.

If you focus on making incremental improvements every time you work on your tasks and goals, before you know it, you will be skilled at your task, perhaps even highly-skilled.

Each time you’re doing an activity, review what didn’t work. Resolve to do something different. Make adjustments. Refine your process.

Do this again and again every time and you’ll see that your confidence and skill level will grow massively.

By this time next year, you could very well be a tightrope-walking, fire-eating opera singer. Or whatever your goals might be. Am I the only one going for that one?

Conclusion

These three habits work together. They all complement and augment each other.

Think how powerful your actions will be once you become focused, determined and are continually making small improvements. You’ll be an unstoppable force.

Going after your goals doesn’t have to be a painful process. In fact, using these high-impact habits, you’ll even enjoy tackling your goals and blowing past obstacles. So go for it. Your goals are worth it.

What’s been your biggest challenge in reaching your goals? How do you stay focused, determined and in a mode of continually improving? Let me know in the comments section below. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!

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Over the last few decades women have really stood up against the patriarchal society we live and said ‘enough is enough.’  Although we still live in a patriarchal society, the boundaries are being blurred thanks to some of the most influential music of our time.

I thought I would compile a list of 25 songs that depict the changing attitudes of women over the last 50 years, particularly over the last 20 years.

In no particular order here are:

25 Songs That Have Empowered Women

I’m Every Woman – Chaka Khan

I Will Survive – Gloria Gaynor

Firework – Katy Perry

Girl on Fire – Alicia Keys

Independent Woman (Part 1) – Destiny’s Child

Unwritten – Natasha Beddingfield

I Am Woman – Helen Reddy

R.E.S.P.E.C.T – Aretha Franklin

Run The World (Girls) – Beyoncé

Play On – Carrie Underwood

Beautiful – Christine Aguilera

None of Your Business – Salt’N’Pepa

So What – Pink

Superwoman – Alicia Keys

Stronger – Kelly Clarkson

What’s Love Got To Do With It – Tina Turner

Let It Go – Idina Menzel

No Woman, No Cry – Bob Marley and the Wailers

Diana Ross – I’m Coming Out

Wannabe – Spice Girls

I Look So Good (Without You) – Jessie James

Man! I Feel Like a Woman – Shania Twain

Stronger – Britney Spears

I Love It – Icona Pop

Skyscraper – Demi Lovato

 

 

 

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Take a moment…

And picture the people you love more than anything.

Perhaps it’s your parents, best friend, partner or children.

You’d do anything for them right?

If they were in pain, you’d comfort them.

If they were ill, you’d care for them.

If they were in danger, you’d protect them.

But what if I told you that there are ways that you may be hurting them…without even realizing?

What! That’s right, I said it.

You see, there are many TOXIC but seemingly small habits that many of us have…

And they are often the very reasons that our relationships fall apart.

But sadly, we often either underestimate them, or we aren’t even aware of them.

So…if any of these 21 habits below feel a little too familiar…

Then take this time to really challenge yourself.

Just remember, our relationships are so precious. They are the oceans in which we find meaning and happiness in our life.

Are you ready to filter out any toxic habits you may have?

Here goes…

Here are 21 very common but potentially toxic habits that can really hinder our relationships;

1. We listen to people – but don’t really listen
Often when we listen to people, we don’t really try to understand them. More often we listen with the intent to reply. As people, we all want to be listened to, to feel understood and to feel worthy of someone’s undivided attention.

2. We believe that two wrongs make a right
We justify getting angry or doing the wrong thing just because the other person did it too. Or because they did it first. The truth is, two wrongs will never make a right. Instead, we should be showing love, humility and forgiveness every chance we get.

3. We expect too much from the people we’re closest too
Think about it…if your best friend said something unkind to you, you would feel INCREDIBLY hurt. But if a stranger, or someone else said the same thing, you’d probably let it go after 5 minutes.

We often forget that our loved ones are not perfect. They will have bad days where they are not the greatest friend. They have their own struggles and weaknesses. Instead of getting upset when they don’t meet our expectations, we should feel honoured to have them in our life – and accept them as imperfect beautiful human beings.

4. We get easily offended by people
If someone tries to give us constructive criticism – it’s easy to immediately get annoyed and think “how dare they say that about me”, instead of considering that they might have a good point. However, we all have parts of ourselves that we could challenge and grow.

We should always take the time to consider what people say, before taking offense. Otherwise, we might find that we constantly become easily annoyed, irritated and even angry. Which brings us to the next point…

5. We blame other people for our bad mood
We often feel like other people are the cause of our bad mood. But the truth is, we can choose our response. We can choose to respond in a grumpy, irritated manner, or we can choose to respond with patience and grace. We can challenge our emotions and take responsibility for the way we feel and act towards other people.

6. We wait to be loved before we love back
Love should be unconditional. If we are all always waiting for the other person to make the first move, then there won’t be any love going around! If you want to feel more love in your relationships – then take action and LOVE those people.
“Love the feeling – is a fruit of love the verb” – Stephen Covey

7. We commit to things that we don’t plan on seeing through
For example –“sure, I’d love to catch up sometime. I’ll call you soon to make a date – and you never do”.

Slowly but surely, if you do this enough times to someone, they will begin to withdraw from you. Not because they don’t want your friendship, but because they don’t feel valued and are afraid of getting hurt.

8. We take people in our life for granted
We often EXPECT or believe that it is our RIGHT to have the friends or family we have. We forget that it is actually an honour. Try to remind yourself every day how blessed you are to have the relationships you have.

9. We view our opinions as facts
It’s in our human nature to always want to be right. So instead of challenging our thoughts and opinions, we often accept our opinions as facts.

In the heat of an argument for example, we jump to conclusions and we act on them. We get angry when we really shouldn’t, we judge people inaccurately and we are often blind to our own faults.

10. We often judge people too quickly
It’s never been so easy to judge people than in today’s society. Judging has become the norm. We value people based on their looks and abilities. Try to challenge yourself to see the true value in people.

You never know – if you judge people too quickly – you might miss out on meeting one of the best friends you’ve ever had.

11. We say that we have forgiven someone, yet we are still bitter inside
Forgiveness is not easy. To truly forgive means to not hold a person’s mistakes against them. It means putting it completely in the past…and letting go. That takes courage. It takes courage to show love to someone that hurt you.

It might help to remember that to forgive someone does not mean that you agree with their actions.

12. We make excuses for our actions
When we make excuses for our actions, we are justifying them. We are saying that what we did was OKAY. It was okay to get angry because… It was okay hold that grudge because…

Instead of excusing our behaviour, we should accept it and take responsibility for it. It’s okay to make mistakes. We are beautifully imperfect human’s beings living in an imperfect world.

13. We rely on other people to make us feel good
We can become a burden when we rely too much on other people to meet our emotional needs. Everybody has enough struggles of their own. Of course, it important to have people in our lives to help us feel good, but we should also take responsibility for our own feelings.

How we think will dramatically impact upon how we feel. The decisions we make will impact on how we feel. Before expecting others to go out of their way to make us feel good, we need to take responsibility for our own choices and actions.

14. We put up walls to protect ourselves
Did you know that true betrayal is the ultimate abandonment of a relationship for your own benefit? In other words, you build up enough walls around yourself until there is no way for that person to come in. We need to let people in. Even if they have hurt us in the past. We need to forgive them. Otherwise, we are basically abandoning the relationship.

15. We choose our relationships based on how they can benefit us
What makes a relationship great is when you have an attitude of giving. When we look at the people around us, we should always ask ourselves “how can I give to that person?” and “how can I show them love’?” That is what makes a relationship truly deep, meaningful and fruitful.

16. We expect other people to feel loved in the same way we do
Did you know that we all have different love languages? Your love language and the love language of your partner for example, could be as different as Chinese and English!

There are five love languages including; acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation, receiving gifts and physical touch. If you want the people around you to truly feel loved, you have got to learn how to speak their love language.

17. We use manipulation to get what we want
Have you ever brought up a situation in the past to get what you want? In other words, using guilt to get your way? Love keeps no record of wrongs. Getting in a habit of using manipulation will only start to decay your relationship.

18. We keep all our feelings bottled up inside…and then suddenly we just EXPLODE!
We have a responsibility to assert and express ourselves. If we bottle up all our feelings, chances are, we’ll slowly begin to feel bitter inside and anything that a certain person does or says will eventually annoy us.

Just remember that it’s not fair for your partner, friends and family if you don’t give them a chance to improve themselves. If you don’t express yourself and tell them what annoys you, how are they supposed to know? It’s not always as obvious as it seems.

19. We expect other people to have learned the same lessons we have
Sometimes something can be so obvious to us, and we just can’t understand how other people don’t understand. It can be frustrating. The truth is, we all go through different experiences and we learn different lessons in life.

Rather than letting this frustrate you, try to be graceful and patient. This is also the best way to influence other people and to get them to start seeing things your way.

20. We stop going the extra mile for people
When was the last time that you went out of your way to show love to someone? For example, buying someone a gift, sending them a nice message or taking them out on a nice date?

Weird huh? You’re probably thinking….”That’s strange, I can’t really remember when the last time was”. Why not be the friend that really makes the people around them feel special and loved…no matter how long you’ve known them. Never seize to go the extra mile and to truly show love to the people around you.

21. We don’t apologize enough
“In general, pride is at the bottom of all great mistakes” – John Ruskin
If there is one thing that can destroy a relationship, it’s pride. Nobody’s perfect. We all most certainly make mistakes. And our actions will most certainly cause hurt to people at times. But apologizing is painful! It is beyond painful! And many of us cannot build up the strength to do it often enough.

But if you can learn to overcome this one big milestone, you’ll watch your relationships flourish. You’ll move past arguments within record time and you’ll wonder why it took you so long to take advantage of this magic word more often.

Take your relationships to a new level

Well, there you go…

21 habits that can really take its toll on our relationships.

The truth is, we have a LOT more control over our relationships than we realize.

Just by changing our actions and ways of thinking, we can bring our relationships to a whole new level!

Rather than feeling frustrated everyday by the people around us…

We can enjoy deeper, more fruitful, more loving, happier and more fulfilling relationships.

And we can know with confidence that we are doing our very best for the people we love.

So I challenge you, from today onwards, do some honest reflection. And figure out the areas that you could improve on!

You’ll truly be amazed by the outcome.

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On the ordinary days of our life, you work, educate your children, have some fun, build and sustain connections with others, that is, you live an ordinary life. The question is, whether you are mindful during all these things, or you just perform these activities mechanically, automatically.

What is the evidence for me that you are not mindful? First, that you are not present. To be present means that you are fully alert, attentive, and conscious in the present moment. Whatever you do, you do that fully consciously, you focus your entire attention on that particular activity. Or, do you feel free to declare that you are present in every moment of your life?

You are careless most of the time, as a large segment of your attention is bound by dealing with events of your thoughts, events of past and plans for future and your own self. Psychological time therefore displaces the moment of the present, or subordinates it to past or future.

You therefore perform the overwhelming majority of your daily activities mechanically. Your attention only becomes more intensive when you meet someone or deal with something who or that you find interesting, or useful in some way. Or the opposite: the person or thing may do harm to you in some way.

If you are mindful, only the Here and Now exist for you. This state of consciousness is characterized by deep silence and tranquility.

You could ask, how could you access this state of consciousness?
I would answer you, that in your life you have already lived through this mind state, more than once.

On the grey veil of ordinary consciousness, there are gaps every now and then, and the bright light of the Consciousness shines through the gaps. The gaps are too small for you to get through, but have a glimpse to the reality behind the wall.

Such moments are rare in the life of a man, but they are still there for all those who pay attention and want to see them. The toys of your daily life, however, occupy all your attention so much that you do not even notice the opportunity that opens up for you, your attention slips away from the Miracle.

When you submerge in your ordinary consciousness, your attention keeps wandering from past to future. The moments of insight are, however, only available in the Present, only if you leave behind the psychological time, the memories of the past and the expectations of the future all vanish, and you are able to focus your attention to the Miracle that unfolds in front of your eyes in the Present

It has happened to you that you came under the spell of a moment some time during your life. A beautiful landscape, a sunset, a beautiful piece of art, the rhythm of music enchanted you. It may even happen that you are just lost in the silence of a peaceful moment.

The common feature of these moments is the mind stops working, the reckless stream of thoughts is suspended. Ego disappears, telling personal history stops, and the line of your accustomed identity is broken. Only the spell of the moment, the mysterious shine of the Consciousness remains.

Why is this moment so enchanting, what is its secret? The secret is that when thoughts disappear, so do your problems and conflicts, and you almost forget about all your sufferings. You virtually step out of the psychological time frame, you stop mulling over injuries of the past, and do not build your identity for the future.

You are mindful, only the present moment exists for you. Your soul is permeated by the quiet of the Consciousness and the Joy of the Existence. The world is alive, pulsating around you, and you are amazed to realize, how wonderful it is to be alive. You believe that you are only alive now.

You submit to the moment, sitting in your favorite armchair or lie on the beach, listening to the noises of your environment, enjoy the rest, the sunshine and fresh air. Both past and future are far away from you, only the present moment matters. As if a heavy curtain would have been drawn away in front of your eyes; now everything is more vivid and brighter around you. You feel that you are alive, and it is good to be alive. The Miracle almost completely fills your soul. Why could not it stay that way for ever?

Unfortunately, these moments do not last long, because the mind starts working again very soon, and begins to control the moment by categorizing it and giving it a name. ”Ah, yes, how beautiful is this sunset” and the tumbleweed of thinking starts tumbling again:”It reminds me of last summer, when…”.

Your alert attention will then turn away from the Miracle, back to the mind, and your ordinary identity is rebuilt in a matter of a few second. You return to the psychological time and, embedded into it, you experience your problems and sufferings again. The memory of the moments of spell is just a transient impression, the unconscious feeling that some miraculous thing happened to you, but you unfortunately missed a chance. Indeed, you missed the chance of entering through the gate opening in the magic moment and finding your real Self there.

Can you do something in order not to let this happen anymore? What is able to put an end to that Vicious Circle?

You are only able to escape if you are able to proceed beyond the mind, if you terminate your unconscious identification with it, so you are able get out of the vicious circle. In that case you are able to observe the functions of the mind and realize that you are by no means identical with your mind and its functions. You are identical with the pure space, the Consciousness, in which the functions of the mind take place.

If you are able to leave behind all the scenarios of your identity built up by the mind, even that of the Spiritual Seeker, you may experience that this Consciousness is really you. You are the pure space of the Consciousness, the existence, which is your real Self.

Your real Self is beyond every thought, every social program instilled into you. This Miracle cannot be described by thoughts, it is only possible to experience it by direct experience.

But not even the word ”to experience” expresses the essence of the process very well, as experiencing is just a thought, too. This experience is the experience of the awakening Consciousness, and words are only able to point at it like fingers, but are unable to express its essence.

The Miracle may perhaps be best described in words in the following way: You will be united with the Consciousness living in you, and you will recognize the forms and shapes appearing in the space of the Consciousness as part of that Singularity.

 

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Over the last 9 years of working online, and offline,helping thousands of people around the world with my Guided Meditations, Positive Affirmations, coaching and various other products, there is one technique I have developed to heal, strengthen and attract relationships in your life, that has had amazing results for everyone who has used it.

The Technique

Before I go on and tell you what this technique is I would like to share with you how it started.

About 16 years ago I was working with a company called British Telecommunications in the UK and was a customer service advisor on the phone so when a customer had a problem or wanted to buy a new service they would initially get through to someone like me. While I was working there the management changed quite frequently, this is not uncommon in this type of environment.

I had one particular boss, who happened to be female, who didn’t take to me at all. I thought that she was OK, although she was very aggressive. She lacked assertiveness but she was aggressive in the way she spoke and treated people, both staff and customers. Not nice at all but underneath it all she was actually an ok person but she came across as extremely aggressive and it came across that she didn’t like me at all, to the extent that my colleagues started commenting on it.

I was part of a sales team who were the top sellers in the company, in Glasgow.  She headed up the new team and was a bit of a tyrant and set high targets for ourselves and herself.

When I was selling to people on the phone I used to do it in a different way from the others. However, I was still getting the great results and a lot of the sales and hitting my high targets but what I was doing was selling in an authentic way. I wouldn’t just sell somebody something for the sake of it, I would tell the truth about the product i.e. I would tell the truth about the sale; ‘I don’t’ think that’s good for you, you should maybe take that off your service, you’re paying for something you don’t really need’. Now that customer would go off and think oh my god that’s someone being really honest that’s refreshing to hear and people would frequently comment on that, and often buy more products from me.

Anyway this manager didn’t like this and didn’t like the way I operated and she just generally didn’t like me. There was contempt there for me, so I was trying to think of way to strength our relationship because I was going to have to work with her every single day and have contact with her at morning meetings etc.

So I decided to try a technique I had heard about at a seminar, which I modified.

Now, I tried this technique with this woman at work, this boss I had and it took about two weeks of genuinely trying, in total about 5 attempts, and our relationship began to change. She started to engage with me, to laugh with me, not at me. The relationship was getting much better; I kept on trying the technique, mostly in the morning.

After about 4 weeks, our relationship had completely changed and we became a force within BT. She seemed to mellow out a little, so much so that the team started to relax and even enjoy drinks with her on nights out, which is something she previously did not do.  On one such night out, we had a chance to have a talk whilst being slightly merry from the drink.  I asked her what had changed over the last few weeks as she had seemed to mellow out a little.  She looked at me and said she honestly didn’t know, but she felt there had been some kind of change in her, but couldn’t explain it. Needless to say I didn’t tell her about the relationship bubble.

The Relationship Bubble

Basically what we do here is we spend 5 – 10 mins just before we’re drifting off to sleep and 5 – 10 minutes as we are waking up in the morning, depending how often you want to spend on it, and we do a visualization.

Visualization

When you get to the stage of drifting off to sleep imagine a huge, clear bubble, big enough to fit about 10 people in.  Imagine this bubble floating up into the night sky and watch it as it slowly gets higher and higher.  You then imagine yourself floating up to the bubble, you are weightless and the feeling you get is amazing, floating and drifting in space, you are connected to the world.  As you float towards the bubble, a door opens and you step inside the bubble, which has a clear floor with two chairs angled towards each other.  Take a seat in one of the chairs and just watch the world below you through the clear, glass like bubble.

Now it’s time to ask the person you’d like to join you.  This could be someone you’re having difficulty with, or someone you’d like to have a better relationship with.  from the bubble you see the person floating up through the sky towards the door of the bubble.  You open the door and invite them in.  They might look a little bewildered, as you offer them the chair to sit down on.

After a few seconds you start to talk to them telling them how you feel, and why you have asked them here.  get everything off your chest, and speak the truth.  After you have finsihed talking, stay silent and wait for them to speak, and as they speak listen to them, really listen.  And then, let the conversation flow, staying calm and relaxed, safe in the knowledge that nothing can harm you here.

After you have finished your conversation, thank the person for coming and then gently let the bubble float back down to earth and drift off into a deep sleep.

Simplicity and Uses

Believe me it might sound extremely simple but it really is going to work when you try this technique.

I was going to explain my theories on why it works so well, but I don’t want to taint your thinking about this, so I’ll leave that part for another time, or maybe add it in this article later on.

When to Use It

To resolve a difficult relationship

If you’re having difficulty with someone at work, in your family, or in your social circle the relationship bubble can be an amazing way to gain insights into why the relationship is rocky and work on resolving the issues.

To strengthen a relationship

The relationship Bubble is an amazing way to strengthen an already good relationship with someone, to become more loving, to become more caring, or to speak about the little things that may be bothering you.

Resolve family issues

I’ve used this lots of times when I have been worried about family members, and they are not particularly open to talking.  The relationship Bubble offers a secure way to speak to someone, and to help you decrease your anxiety or worry about a family member.  There’s been more than a few occasions that family members, who previously would not speak about their problems, have opened up a day or two after I used the bubble.

Attracting a relationship

If you would like to attract a relationship in your life, whether it be personal, business or just for social reasons, then the relationship bubble is great for this.  Instead of summoning someone who you know, you just summon someone, knowing that the right person will join you in the bubble.

This is also a great way to attract more customers, for example if you’re a sales person, you can attract customers using this technique as well.

Doubting the technique

I know that a lot of readers will be thinking, ‘how can this work, all I am doing is talking and listening to myself’.  Well, all I can really say is try it and see the difference it makes in your life and with your relationships with other people.  As I said I don’t want to give my theory as to why it works, but just know that it works.

I would love to hear your stories about how you have used this technique and how successful it was for you.  So if you decide to be open minded and really use it, let me know how you get on.

 

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Do you ever get a feeling that you’ve lived before?

Lots of cultures believe in past lives, that we’re are all old souls and the life we are living just now is just another incarnation of our true soul.

A fascinating writer on this subject is Edgar Cayce and his work on the Akashic Records.  In the book he describes cases where people are having trouble in this life and they wish to learn of their past lives to understand their current situation.  Whether you believe it or not it’s a fascinating read and, at the very least, interesting.

Today I wanted to share with you a quick, fun quiz that will show you what type of person you were in your past life.

What Were You In Your Past Life

 

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Did you know that every word you say and every thought
that you think has a vibration to it.

Dr. Masaru Emoto, A scientist from Japan has conducted numerous studies on the effects of postive thinking on plants and water.  He became famous when his experiments on water molecules featured in the 2004 film, What The Bleep Do We Know? His experiments show that human thoughts and intentions can alter physical reality, such as the molecular structure of water. 

Another famous experiment conducted by Dr Emoto and his researchers showed that negative words and thoughts directly affects the rate at which the cooked rice decomposes.  On one container of cooked rice he wrote “thank you” and on the other “you fool”. He then instructed school children to say the labels on the jars out loud everyday when they passed them by. After 30 days, the rice in the container with positive thoughts had barely changed, while the other was moldy and rotten.

So what does this prove? Well crtics would say it proves nothing, whilst I believe that our thoughts, and the words we speak have a direct affect on everything around us.

There are lots of experiments that have been carried out similar to that of Dr. Emoto’s.

The same type of thing happens in human interactions, no we won’t go all moldy if we think negative thoughts but it can spiral into something even more dangerous than mere mold: stress, disease, and depression.

Vibrations of our thoughts and words.

Although you can’t see the vibrations of energy that are emitted, unless you were to do an EEG, which records the electrical activity of your brain, you can pick up on the vibrations from another person unconsciously.

We’ve all had experiences when we’ve walked into a house and immediately felt the loving energy from it, or conversely, felt the bad vibe from it.  This is you picking up on electrical activity which has been emitted out to the surrounds of the person having these loving or negative thoughts, and this electrical activity has been transformed into a subtle energy that sticks to the surrounding furniture, the walls, the carpets and the whole air.  Much like the way lightning is created when tiny positively charged sparks reach up in response to negatively charges in the air or clouds above the ground, so our minds emit these tiny charges of energy, either negative or positive.

So you thoughts and words create this energy and can be felt by others around you, some will fell it much stronger than others.

So, we have to be mindful of the words we speak and the thoughts we think.

No I’m not saying it’s all positive thinking all the time, its about remaining in a positive state of mind rather than a pessimistic state of mind.

With that in mind, I have written a list of phrases that you might want to be mindful of:

9 Phrases That Will Lower Your Energy

I’m not going to explain any of these phrases as you will know what I mean as soon as you see them and maybe even recognise a few of these phrases

1. This always happens to me!

2. I can’t do this!

3. Life sucks!

4. She/he doesn’t like me!

5. I’ll try to do that!

6. I will never be able to do that…!

7. The world is a bad place!

8. I hate him/her!

9. I’m not good enough!

 

 

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The world’s first billionaire was John D. Rockefeller, which he achieved in 1916, but billionaires are still quite rare in the world of business and finance.

If you go back 10-15 years everyone wanted to be a millionaire, but now there are thousands of millionaires around the world and the perception of money has changed drastically over the last few years with the arrival of the internet.

So now we all want to be billionaires, but what makes a billionaire, how do they think, what makes them different.

This infographic illustrates brilliantly how billionaires think and act a little differently from us.

How to Become a Billionaire

Source of Infographic from Brighton School of Business and Management

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Are you using your thoughts to create the life you desire or is the way you think having a negative impact on your life? Unfortunately, most of us fall victim to distorted and disempowered thinking patterns that rob us of joy and cause unnecessary suffering.

If this sounds like you, there is no need to feel bad. Life doesn’t come with a manual that tells us how to control our thoughts and formal education doesn’t teach much if anything regarding that sort of thing.

In this article, I will share seven common thought patterns that cause us to see situations in a distorted, negative way that is liable to cause misery, pain, and suffering. Make sure you aren’t sabotaging yourself with this sort of thinking and, if you are, find out why.

Discounting the Positive

It’s amazing how harsh we can be on ourselves, and this tendency makes it easy to forget the good things in life. Do you find yourself constantly zeroed in on the negative aspects of everything you do or obsessing over parts of yourself that you find undesirable? If so, you aren’t alone. I’m guilty of thinking this way, too, as are many other people.

For instance, you might receive compliments regarding a speech you’ve given and think, “Sure, they’re saying my speech was good, but that’s just because they are too nice to tell me the truth.”

This mindset can be quite damaging because it saps your motivation and gives you a reason to give up and stop moving forward. The following is a list of tips that can help you focus on the positive and become more objective and less judgmental about your accomplishments:

• Accept compliments and don’t waste your energy questioning the sincerity of those who show appreciation
• Write down all the positive comments you receive from others and review it whenever you’re feeling low.
• Ponder everything you’ve accomplished in your life and make a list of it. Review the list whenever you feel the need to.

Assuming Your Feelings Are Always True

Do you feel like a loser because you’ve failed an exam? Do you think you feel ashamed because you weren’t able to accomplish something you intended to? No matter how real your feelings may seem, they are just emotions. They might feel intense or overpowering, but emotions have nothing to do with reality. They are simply the result of your interpretations (both conscious and unconscious) of what happens to you.

Learn to disassociate yourself from your emotions. Avoid saying, “I am” and try to give your emotions a different label. Instead of saying “I am angry,” for instance, say, “I am experiencing anger” to separate yourself from your feelings. Labeling emotions diminishes the response of the amygdala, the part of the brain that is responsible for the flight or fight response. It also increases activity in the prefrontal cortex, which contributes to rational thinking. Don’t try to suppress your emotions, simply acknowledge and observe them with detachment whenever possible.

Thinking You’re Psychic

You tend to assume you know what other people think about you. A example of this would be deciding an inexplicably quiet coworker doesn’t say much because she dislikes you. “I know what she thinks about me. I saw the way she looked at me,” you might think. “She doesn’t like me.”

In reality, you don’t know what she thinks about you. You can’t accurately assume what anyone thinks so take off your hat Sherlock Holmes! This coworker could be shy or having troubles of which you are unaware.People have misunderstood my words, actions, or attitude on many occasions. If other people can misjudge us so easily, then we can just as easily misjudge them.

When you try to read someone else’s mind or discern, you’re just projecting your thoughts about yourself onto them. Your self-image has a huge influence on how you believe others think of you. If, for instance, you are highly critical of yourself, chances are that you imagine people around you are highly critical of you as well. When this happens, you simply see the world in your version of reality. It can easily cause you to create a world where you feel your teachers, colleagues, or friends don’t appreciate you.

Worse yet, these feelings could become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you believe that someone doesn’t like you, you’re likely to act differently around this person, and this alone may cause him or her to actually start disliking you!

Miscommunications and inaccurate assumptions can wreak havoc on relationships. If you sincerely want to know what people think about you, ask them! On a similar note, don’t expect the people in your life to know what you’re thinking.

Shoulds and Musts

Take a piece of paper and write five sentences that start with the phrase “I should”. Then ask yourself why you believe that you should do these things? Words we use every day have a tremendous influence over our lives. Words like “should” or “must” may seem innocuous, but they limit our choices in life. If you have too many “shoulds” in your life, it usually means that you have many expectations regarding how you must behave. These expectations stem from your belief system, which is often the result of what your parents or society have told you that you should/must do. If this belief system doesn’t align with who you truly are, you risk being a slave to expectations, “shoulds”, and “musts”, all of which put a damper on happiness.

After all, if you don’t behave the way you should, then you will likely punish or beat yourself up. That’s why “could” is a much more preferable word choice. “Could” gives you more freedom and isn’t so stifling. Instead of saying, “I should have done that,” for example, you could say, “I could have done that”.

Overgeneralisation

Overgeneralisations include thoughts like “I lost my job, I will never find a job again” or “I always do the wrong thing.”

Beware, when you find yourself using words like “never”, “always”, or “all the time” you are likely to overgeneralise. These three phrases are so absolute that they are rarely an accurate description of reality. More often than not, they are the result of subjective interpretations, which can be very destructive.

I recommend you to start take notice of the way you use these words when you talk to yourself, but also when you talk to your partner or other people. These kinds of words are usually not the words you want to use if you wish to create harmonious relationships.

Chain Reaction of Negative Thoughts

Have you ever taken the time to analyze what exactly happened the last time you felt depressed? Most of the time, the reason we get depressed is because we fail to interrupt an increasing flow of negative thoughts. Unfortunately, just one seemingly insignificant negative thought can be enough to create a chain reaction that turns into a downward spiral.

One day when I was a bit down I asked myself why and tried to discern the trigger event. I soon realized that the root of my low mood was a seemingly insignificant thought of which I wasn’t even particularly aware.

For instance, knee pain would negatively influence my mood so subtly that I would slip into destructive thought patterns faster than I could get a handle on them. It would go from “Why don’t I have a girlfriend?” to “I would like to do this or that, but I’m not smart enough.” Next was “I wish I could be as smart as my friend X” then “My friend Y is so confident, but he didn’t do anything to deserve it”. It was a downward spiral.

Does it happen to you, too? Analyze your most recent thoughts and try to pinpoint the very first thing that triggered your feelings. Was it really a big deal? Please don’t torture yourself with the worst version of yourself and your life by focusing your energy on all your problems at once. When handled on an individual basis, most problems aren’t that big of a deal. Refuse to link all of your problems to one another!

Adding Your Opinion to Facts

If we were to stick to the facts when thinking things over, we would avoid a great deal of grief. However, we’re often unable to avoid adding our little comments and opinions to the facts at hand. For most of us, these comments and opinions tend to be negative and only serve to make us feel bad.

An example of adding opinions to facts is evident in the phrase, “I lost $100,000 in the stock market. I’m a total failure!” The reality is that you lost $100,000 in the stock market. That part is factual. Your supposed status as a failure, however, is nothing more than your opinion.

A great way to stop bombarding yourself with damaging, self-critical opinions is to make a game of separating facts from opinions in your daily life. When you are hard on yourself, ask yourself whether the things you’re telling yourself are facts or opinions? You can extend this game to others as well. When people criticize you, ask if the person in question is telling you a fact about yourself or giving you their opinion.

Did you recognize your own thinking in any of these thought patterns? If so, how do you plan to stop distorting your reality and create a more positive mental state?

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