You’re reading How to Help a Partner Struggling With Clinical Depression, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
When I first met my wife, I had no idea that she had a history of clinical depression. Of course, she had told me about it before we were married, but I did not really know what that meant. I had not had any previous exposure to serious depression in people. By the time we were dating, she was already on a mix of anti-depressants. At the time, the effects of depression were not immediately obvious to me.
The first time we experienced a major loss together was in the first year of our marriage. It was the first time I really got to see what she was like when dealing with depression, on top of dealing with grief. Within the first couple of months of being married, I got my wife pregnant. It was not exactly a planned pregnancy, but we were ecstatic nonetheless. We started making plans for our first baby, and had fun picking out names, going back and forth tossing around different combinations of names until we could agree on some.
Then, half-way through the second trimester of her pregnancy, my wife had a miscarriage. It was devastating, to say the least. We thought we were in the safe zone, since we had passed the first trimester. We had already told our families about their first grandbaby and had gotten them excited, and now we had to call them and tell them the shocking news. It was more than we could stand.
My wife was still taking college classes at the time, trying to finish her degree. The grief was overwhelming, and she fell into a depression. She could no longer get up to go to class. She dropped out of all her classes half-way through the semester. All she wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sleep. When she was awake, she was like a zombie, and would break out in tears intermittently throughout the day.
We have been married seventeen years now. It has been seventeen years since we lost our first baby. Nothing has come close to that experience since then, but my wife still has her ups and downs. She still struggles with depression. We have been blessed with two beautiful girls since we lost the first one, but we never forget our first baby.
Even through our first loss and my wife’s struggle with depression over the years, I still love my wife and care for her deeply. Over the years, I have learned a lot about clinical depression and how to deal with it. So what do you do when your partner is dealing with serious depression?
When dealing with clinical depression, most of the time, it is not the person’s fault. It is not something they can change on their own. It’s not something they did to bring it on. They can’t just pretend it’s not there, or wish it away. It’s not all just in their head.
After our oldest daughter was born, my wife fell into post-partum depression. This is often caused by the abrupt change in hormones in the body, and is somewhat common after a woman gives birth. This can be one type physiological trigger. There could be environmental factors as well that trigger depression.
Often times, clinical depression is caused by an imbalance of chemicals in the brain. Anti-depressants work by trying to correct those imbalances, making it easier for synapses to connect. In many cases, as in my wife’s case, this kind of chemical imbalance is and can be hereditary. There is a long history of clinical depression going up my wife’s family.
It does no good, then, to place blame on your partner, or get angry at them for not being able to change their mood like you can, or to get out of bed and be productive. If your partner has been diagnosed with clinical depression, then you have to understand that it is not their fault. There is nothing they did to bring it on, and there is nothing they can do to just “snap” out of it.
Clinical depression is a serious illness, and it is not something you can change with herbal supplements or teas, for example. Some of those over-the-counter solutions may help with minor or occasional cases of anxiety, but they should not be relied upon for serious illnesses. The first thing you need to do is see a psychiatrist – not a psychologist or therapist, but a licensed medical doctor.
If your partner has not seen a psychiatrist yet, it may be time to consider taking him or her to one. A psychologist may refer your partner to a psychiatrist, if they suspect there may be a chemical imbalance in the brain that needs to be addressed. Only a psychiatrist can write prescriptions for medicines that can help with the chemical imbalances, and will work with you to find the correct dosage.
When my wife got pregnant with our first-born, it had only been a few months since the miscarriage, and she was still dealing with the subsequent depression. We discussed our options with her psychiatrist, and we decided that the benefits of her not feeling depressed were greater than any risks the medications might pose during the pregnancy. Thus, she went back on antidepressants during her second pregnancy. Our daughter was born strong and healthy. You and your partner must make these kinds of decisions, with your doctor.
One of the symptoms of clinical depression is feeling a complete lack of motivation to do anything. It almost borders on apathy. Part of this lack of motivation applies towards seeking treatment, and taking any prescribed medications. That is why it is important for you to be supportive and take your partner to a psychiatrist, pick up their prescriptions, and help administer the correct dosage every day.
Anti-depressants do not work overnight, and they must usually be taken for extended periods of time, if not for the rest of their lives. There is no short term solution. Counseling and therapy can help you and your partner deal with issues as they arise, but in the long term, the medication prescribed by the psychiatrist must be allowed to work.
These kind of medications are not the kind that can be missed. Since they affect the chemical balance in the brain, even skipping one dosage can make a person feel off. Every morning, I take out my wife’s prescribed medications in the right dosage, and personally hand them to her, along with a glass of water to help her swallow them. Make it easy for your partner to take their medications on a regular schedule, and do not give them an excuse to miss taking it.
Dealing with a depressed partner is difficult, under any circumstance. Dealing with constant, clinical depression can be especially challenging, but it doesn’t have to be if you follow the guidelines above. There is help. There will be ups and downs, particularly when the doctor is trying to find the right mix of medications and the right dosages that work.
Through it all, remember why you love your partner, and be patient. It does get better. Just because your partner is struggling with depression and may be taking medications does not mean that they won’t know or remember anything you do or say. They will remember, even when they are feeling better.
While they are feeling depressed, your partner may even say things or do things that hurt you. This is when you have to be strong, and just let it slide. Let it go. Realize they are not in their right mind, and continue to show them you care and will not hurt them. This is when you must find strength in the love you have for your partner, in the love that brought you together in the first place.
Encourage them to get up and do things with you, even though they don’t feel like it, but don’t force them to do anything they don’t want to. Invite them to go on a walk with you around a park. Nature and fresh air can lighten a person’s mood. Offer to cook them a meal, or give them a massage. A massage can release endorphins, which enlightens the mood.
Most importantly, just be yourself – don’t be patronizing. Depression is a long-term illness. Just because you may not be suffering from depression does not make you better than your partner, and it does not make your partner any less of a person. It just means they need help – your help, as well as professional help. We could all use some help once in a while.
You’ve read How to Help a Partner Struggling With Clinical Depression, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
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You’re reading 6 Reasons Why Failure Is As Equally Important As Success, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
All of us dream of success and of reaching great heights. But have any of us dreamt of failure? Or how failure shapes us in a way to achieve success? A majority of us would answer with a “NO”. No one in their right minds would want to fail. It is something that none of us is equipped to deal with although it is an inevitable part of life. The problem lies in how most people feel unworthy after they don’t succeed.
At some point in life, all of us have failed. It could be something as simple as not getting through a driving licence test or something as big as losing in an international competition. It is very easy to give up when things don’t work out. But if everything was easy to achieve in life, we would fail to notice its importance. Failure doesn’t mean that you haven’t worked hard; it simply means that you need to take another approach to achieve what you want. Let’s have a look at why failure is good in achieving success:
Failure can tear you down but it also builds you to be a stronger person. If you read the stories of all the great personalities we look up to, they all reached where they are because of failure. Names like Steve Jobs, Walt Disney and Albert Einstein are amongst the most successful people even today and even they had to battle great failures. If you have been knocked to the ground by failure, get back on your feet and push harder to show that nothing can break you down.
Most of us keep second guessing all the decisions that we take. It’s not wrong, it happens because we don’t realize if the decisions we take are right for the moment. Failure gives you a path for redirection. You get a sense of clarity on everywhere you have gone wrong and how to take a better path to reach where you want to be.
Our values keep changing over time. With every small or big change in our lives, our values are reshaped. Value is one of the greatest lessons that failure could teach us in our lives. While success could easily get to our heads, failure keeps us grounded. Failure teaches us to value all the right things in order to succeed.
Somehow most of the things that we fear in our lives are interlinked with failure. It is the fear of failing that holds us back from exploring our options and getting out of our comfort zones. Once you are accustomed to failing you have nothing left to fear anymore. You become unafraid to take risks and get out of your comfort zone to achieve everything you want.
Instead of focusing on the negative things that come with failure, focus your energy on all the positives. It teaches you to be resilient and face all odds. Achieving success after failures shows you how mentally strong and capable you are. Failure shows us everywhere we might have gone wrong and gives us the opportunity to correct it. You become a confident and a compassionate person overall.
It’s true that everything that we go through in life is an experience and so is failure. Success is not everything. Having an understanding of life is what counts. And nothing apart from failure could give us a deeper understanding of life and alter the way we look at everything that happens around us. It changes us to be better humans and teaches us the importance of our lives.
Conclusion:
Accept failures gracefully as a part of our lives and let it teach you to become a stronger person on your road to success. The journey from failure to success is not an easy one, but it is totally worth all your efforts. So, even if you fail often get up and look failure in the eye and never stop trying. Hiding away from failure will also keep you away from success. Brave the storm and walk the path, you will never regret it.
Ruturaj is the CEO and Founder of Nethority and Mobikart. He is an energetic Digital Marketing professional with integrated marketing experience in the B2B & B2C domains. He is also a professional blogger who loves to pen down breaking news and tutorials related to technology particularly Smartphones and other gadgets. Ruturaj has reviewed hundreds of smartphones, tablets and other gadgets in more than 7 years.
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You’ve read 6 Reasons Why Failure Is As Equally Important As Success, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
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You’re reading 5 Strategies to Get Over the Fears Holding You Back, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
How often do you feel like you are your own worst enemy? You frequently may find that what stands between you and the life of your dreams is… you. I have been a psychologist in Los Angeles for over three decades, and I’ve designed several strategies that can help you to get over the fears and resistance that keep you from living a life you will love. But, first, I want to explain why you feel this fear and resistance in the first place.
Fear drives all of our decisions. It’s a biological fact, and it comes from evolution. If human beings weren’t a fearful species, we wouldn’t have survived for long in a world where many other creatures were bigger and stronger than us. We were afraid, so we were careful, and we survived. Fear also kept us in communities. We were afraid of being cast out of the tribe — and thus starving to death — so we learned to behave in a way that made others like us and want us around.
Fear-driven motivation worked well over thousands of years of human evolution. The first step toward breaking free from these fears is to thank your early-human ancestors and recognize that the voice in your head that’s telling you to stop, slow down, and be rational comes from their reality, not yours.
As soon as you formulate a vision for what you would love, that fearful voice starts questioning its validity, and your authority and ability to pursue it. That voice is trying to keep you safe. Thank it, then set it aside to refocus on your vision.
Remember: the real purpose of life is to truly live.
Dismissing that warning voice won’t come easily. Choosing your heart’s desire over fears and insecurities may be a daily struggle. But moment by moment, day after day, choosing your dreams over your fears is the most important choice you will ever make.
You must allow yourself to feel all of your feelings. Denying that you’re afraid won’t do any good; instead, you will be helpless to make a change. Acknowledging “what is” will help you take the power out of self-doubt. Then you can move forward by trying these five strategies to help you combat the fear and resistance holding you back:
“There is no time like the present” becomes truer the older you get. Every moment is a potential starting point to create the change you want in your life. Knowing you’re finally on the path will feel exhilarating and will help drive you farther forward. Start now by taking one small step toward your goal. That small step can be number 2, below.
Break your goal down into manageable steps. If your dream doesn’t seem “realistic,” it may be because you’re trying to do too much all at once. Even “unrealistic” goals can be achieved if done one small step at a time. Find a quiet moment to sit down and write out a plan to achieve your dream, one step at a time. If it still seems unworkable, break down each step further.
Even when you’re working on a project of your own choosing, it can sometimes feel like you’re being forced to do something you don’t want to do. This is when procrastination can happen. It’s your counterwill — your instinctive resistance to being told what to do — at work. To overcome your counterwill, build some flexibility into your plan. If you’ve always wanted to write a book, for example, give yourself flexibility about what time of day or where you write, or what order you write chapters in.
Part of being a good steward to your life and your dreams is anticipating your needs. Educate yourself about the challenges you may come up against as you work toward achieving your goal. Then build a structure that will help you overcome these challenges. If money is a challenge, for instance, don’t push off dealing with it. Be proactive about it. This may require some creativity and persistence.
Stressing out about your progress or worrying what others think detracts from your focus on what you love. You can experience life only one moment at a time, and, by living fully according to your heart, you cannot fail, no matter the outcome, because you are living a life you love.
Whether your goal is to write a novel, build a home, or travel around the world, you can make your dream real once you overcome the fears and resistance holding you back. Afraid to start? If you read this article, you just did.
Andrea Brandt, PhD, MFT, has over 35 years of clinical experience as a renowned psychotherapist, speaker, and author. In her work, Dr. Brandt reveals positive paths to emotional health that teach you how to reinvent and empower yourself. She emphasizes the mind-body-heart connection as a key to mental, physical, and emotional wellness.
You’ve read 5 Strategies to Get Over the Fears Holding You Back, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
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Sig Nordal 