You know the feeling you get when the ringing alarm jolts you out of your precious Monday morning sleep? The feeling that there is no point to getting out of bed because this week is just going to be like last week. And the week before that. And the one before that.
Aren’t you frustrated with waking up in the morning and wishing the whole day could go by in a blink? Aren’t you tired of yearning to get to the weekend so you may breathe a little?
The worst part is, you don’t even remember when your job turned into selling your soul in exchange for a paycheck.
Deep down, you know you are meant to do something more with your life. Something more meaningful, more enjoyable. But you don’t know where to begin. Maybe you don’t even believe it’s possible to find work that lights you up anymore.
But there is hope yet. Here are three ways to discover your inner values and let them guide you on the path to what you are truly meant to do.
You feel frustrated with your work because the reality doesn’t match up to your expectations. You expected your boss to be a kind, benevolent mentor. Instead, he is always taking credit for others’ hard work. You felt you deserved to get a 15% raise last year. But you only got 3%. You felt like you would be changing the world. Yet here you are, attending pointless meetings all day and scrolling through your Facebook feed just so you can make it to the end of the day.
This frustration and hopelessness has become endemic in today’s work culture. Most people have accepted this as the new normal and continue on with their lives.
But if you really want to find work you love, you have to start from the very core of who you are as a person. And your frustration can help you discover that core.
For example, if you feel you are underpaid, perhaps you value financial stability above other things. Your best decisions and actions stem from a sense of knowing you are financially secure. Or, if you feel you are just a glorified paper pusher, perhaps your primary value is meaningful work. You will do your best work and be most content when you feel like you are making a real difference in the world.
Pick the top three frustrations you have with your work and write down what you feel is the underlying, unfulfilled value. Once you recognize your deepest values, you will be one step closer to doing work that lights you up.
Your best teacher will be your own experience. You can learn tips and strategies for whatever work you choose. But whether that work fulfills you is a question only your experience can answer.
That is why you must learn from your past experience. Here are a few questions to help you dig into your past to discover what kind work might light you up.
Dig deep and you should have a list of activities that you really enjoy doing – that leave you feeling more energized.
For example, if you enjoyed writing poetry (but have neglected it for lack of time), you might value creative output. If you started learning to code on the side (but had to abandon it when an urgent project came up at work), you might value learning and problem solving.
Make a list of activities you’ve enjoyed in the past, and write down what values they might have been fulfilling. These values will be your guide to taking pleasure in future opportunities. If a new project helps fulfill one or more of these values, you are sure to enjoy it.
It is frustrating when you can’t work at something that is true to who you are, and see your values fulfilled. The same is true of people all around you. If you can help others find work that fulfills their values, it will be the most meaningful thing you can do. Helping other people wake up excited about their day will help you wake up excited about your day.
For example, if you value creative work and you enjoy writing poetry, can you find a way to help poets or poetry enthusiasts? You don’t necessarily have to write poetry yourself; just to find a way to contribute in the field of poetry. You could help put together a poetry convention, or organize a poets’ meeting. Of course, writing yourself will give you credibility in the field. But the most important part of doing work that lights you up is helping others find work that lights them up.
I used to go drinking with my buddies and we’d sit around with our beers, talking about how our bosses made our lives miserable. We’d make tall claims about what we would do when we quit our jobs. Then, we would go back to work on Monday, impatiently waiting for the next weekend.
Now, I don’t go drinking anymore. But my buddies still do, and they still sit around discussing the same things.
Me? I’m sitting here writing this post for you on a Friday evening. Because this is what I’ve found that I love doing.
I haven’t written any bestsellers yet. Nor do I make money from my writing. I write because I love it. My only reward is the privilege of doing something I love.
Once you have found what you love doing, that’s the only motivation you need.
You will always have that group of friends who want you to go drinking with them. Or the well- wishers who advise you to keep your head down and carry on because that’s the way it is for everybody. But you know yourself better than that. You know you’ll never rest easy unless you find meaningful and enjoyable work, that makes you feel you are making a difference in the world.
I believe you will find work that lights you up, because you know you deserve it. All you have to do is start. As the saying goes,
The best time to start was yesterday. The next best time is now.
Debashish Das wants to help people find freedom from their soul crushing 9 to 5 jobs, because he understands the pain of being stuck in a job he can’t escape. His blog aims to inspire people to find their passion and start living life on their own terms. And to help them get started on this journey he has written an ebook (click on the following link to get it for free), How To Quit Your Soul Sucking Job And Make A Living Without It.
The post 3 Simple Ways To Use Your Inner Values To Finally Find Work That Lights You Up appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.
We all know that IQ is not the be all and end all to gauge how intelligent we are. In fact I believe that there are many types of intelligence: emotional, social, intellectual, intrapersonal, and many more.
Emotional intelligence, popularized by Daniel Goleman refers to the ability to perceive, control and evaluate emotions. Some researchers suggest that emotional intelligence can be learned and strengthened, while others claim it is an inborn characteristic.
Since 1990, Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer have been the leading researchers on emotional intelligence. In their influential article “Emotional Intelligence,” they defined emotional intelligence as, “the subset of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions” (1990). (source Psychology.about.com)
Today we have a quick quiz to determine just how emotionally intelligent you are
The post What Is Your Emotional IQ appeared first on Change your thoughts.
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” ― Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936).
Don’t Panic!
That’s what you tell yourself when you’re approaching the front door to a dreaded party.
Sure, you look calm on the outside, but on the inside you’re full of questions: “What am I going to say?” or “What if I don’t know anybody?”
If placed in a crowd of unfamiliar people, you seize up and over-eat.
You spend your time on hobbies like films, stargazing, and reading. You probably find them fun and interesting, but they all have one thing in common: You do them all by yourself.
They’re solo efforts. No social engagement whatsoever, unless you trip over somebody.
I confess I’m shy too. I feel uneasy and nervous with unfamiliar people and situations.
This uneasiness stokes the fear about what others think about me when in fact, nobody is thinking about me at all.
Fearing what people think will seize you up and silence you. People will find it difficult to interact with you.
This magnifies your shyness and the whole thing gets worse until it sucks.
Let’s make a decision to end this right now.
Like every journey, we need to start with a first step: an action plan.
Oh no, not an action plan!
I’m afraid so, but the easy part is already done for you, here below.
The 15 actions don’t have to be implemented all at once.
This isn’t a checklist to memorise before you run out into the world.
However, start applying them and you will become less shy, more confident and panic-free.
Let’s conquer these feelings once and for all.
1. Dump your image – The very first thing you need to do (after not panicking) is to stop affirming your shyness. Stop telling yourself that you are shy or that you find gatherings awful.
If we keep telling ourselves we are this or that, we will never overcome our feeling of fear or insecurity. And feelings can be overcome.
Forget you have ever been shy.
2. Talk to yourself – Now this is not something to do in public, even in this age of hands-free phone calls.
Before entering a situation where you will talk to strangers, practice meditating on positive words.
When falling asleep or during other quiet moments, recite something positive, like “I am whole, perfect, strong and powerful, loving, harmonious and happy.”
This omits the word “shy” and helps to reinforce positive feelings of self. Remember, you are great!
3. Forget about visualisation – Contrary to popular advice, don’t visualise yourself in the situation. Keep that for job interviews.
It’s simply exhausting to picture various scenarios, discussions or people. Whether it be a social setting or a meeting at work, no conversation can ever be pre-imagined, so don’t try.
Experience life in the present moment and react to people and conversations in real time.
4. Prepare for every encounter – Keep a few conversation starters up your sleeve.
You don’t want your mind to go blank, so to avoid struggling on the spot, have a few general questions ready to pop.
Avoid controversial topics and ask about hobbies, holidays or work.
Speaking of work, if you’re going to a meeting and want to ensure that your voice is heard, prepare well and read any material associated with the agenda. Jot down your key thoughts.
5. Don’t fight your feelings – Accept your nervousness. The more you try to resist or eliminate it, the stronger it becomes.
So accept that you will feel nervous, but that it will pass. Now you have immediately changed your relationship with your feelings.
Your nerves will diminish because you no longer fear or fight them.
6. Feel for other people – Feelings of shyness or lack of self-confidence creates a focus on ourselves.
We place ourselves in the spotlight. How do I look? What do they think of me? What should I say?
Turn that spotlight around onto the people with whom you are chatting. Where are they from? Do they have any holidays planned? Are they enjoying the food? Be genuinely interested in others.
You can learn to feel for other people simply by listening to what concerns them.
7. Partner up – Occasions are less daunting when you have a friend by your side.
If you’ve been invited to an event, ask if you can bring a friend. If you’re attending a training event for work, ask another colleague to accompany you.
This will not make you immune from nerves, but having a companion will help you to settle in. Just don’t cling to him all the time.
8. Forget about trying to make friends – Don’t create a “To Do” list in your mind.
Forget about trying to make a good first impression. Forget about trying to keep a conversation going ad infinitum.
These things will come more naturally when you stop trying. Forget that you don’t know the people around you. Be assured that many others feel the same as you do.
9. Remember names – You will build a good rapport with people if you remember and use their name.
This can be a weakness for many people. If you need to, recite a new name over and over until it sinks in.
People respond to the sound of their own name and, when you use it often, they are more likely to remember yours too.
10. Mix and Mingle – Remember that no matter how nice some people are, never cling to the same few. You’ve got to mingle.
Conversations can be a bit hit and miss, so if you’re moving around in a crowd, at least you’ll not be forced to come up with question after question.
Instead, you’ll be able to repeat things without worry. Besides, it’ll be fun getting to know what makes so many people tick.
11. Practice – Nothing beats familiarity.
If you keep avoiding situations, you’ll never get the experience you need to feel comfortable and have relaxed conversations.
Bite the bullet and take the next opportunity that comes along. Once you start, it will get easier.
12. Watch your body language – It’s not just what you say. The non-verbal signals you emit can affect how others perceive you, a well as how you feel.
Facial expressions, bodily posture, gestures, eye movement, touch, and proximity to other people all convey messages.
Keep it simple and think “hands.” Keep them out of your pockets; don’t fold arms or fidget. These all give off unwelcoming signals. And of course, don’t forget to smile.
13. Dress up – How you feel can be affected by how you dress.
At work, depending on the environment, dressing smartly can convey confidence. Even if you don’t feel it on the inside, if you appear ready to talk business, it will help win your coworkers’ acceptance.
In social situations, dressing comfortably will help put you at ease. Nothing is worse than striking up a new conversation while being conscious of that uncomfortable dress or shirt.
14. Breathe – Nervousness can make our breathing shallow. Be conscious of your breath.
Breathe deeply, but not so much that people notice. Breathing can relax you and help reduce tension in the shoulders.
15. Notice the absence of physical pain – Remember whatever the circumstances, social interaction will not cause physical pain.
Shyness is a purely mental condition and one that can be dissolved if you think differently.
Think highly of yourself, be aware that others probably feel the same way, but above all, be conscious of how you are beginning to relax using these steps, and enjoy yourself.
The truth is most things in life require effort, and shyness will not simply vanish unless we do something about it.
If we let it get the better of us, we’ll limit friendships, enjoy fewer social occasions and stifle career opportunities through perceived lack of confidence. It doesn’t have to be like that.
Shyness is not you.
Decide today to let your true self shine. You are a valuable person. Enjoy yourself, meet new people and relax.
Alan Marsden presents simple and effective tips on achieving confidence, health and happiness. Join Alan on the journey of discovery at mindbodyandtech.com
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