You’re reading How You Can Win The Battle Against Negativity, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

One time I spoke at a women-only event in Southern California and a petite blonde woman cornered me in the bathroom afterward to ask about how to better handle her husband.

She explained, “I am the optimistic one in the marriage, while my husband is the pessimist, and it’s killing me.” I could hear the concern and frustration in this woman’s voice, and even a touch of desperation as she tried so hard to help him “see the light.”

She kept butting her head against a wall every day for years, and she was at the breaking point. I’ve been there with negative people in my life—and those negative people have negatively influenced my own mood and performance.

“How do I deal with a negative person in my life?”

This is by far the most common question I get when presenting our research at client companies. Although it is asked often in terms of dealing with a negative person on a team at work, there are some who may be thinking about how to handle negativity from a spouse or in-law.

Negative people affect our stress levels and ability to choose the positive. We quit, blow up, or die early because of these people. Repeated exposure to life’s stresses actually has the potential to shorten our life span by destroying the DNA telomeres at the end of our chromosomes. Furthermore, a study conducted at the University of Georgia found that negative thoughts can be so contagious that depression can actually spread from person to person.

This isn’t a corporate or cultural problem; it is a human problem—one that we all have felt.

The key to dealing with negative people in our lives is not to isolate ourselves, but to shield or momentarily separate ourselves from negativity to retreat, regroup, and reenter the fray stronger than we were before we left it. It is possible to outweigh someone else’s negativity by refueling yourself with positivity—including mindfully reconnecting with the meaning in your life or things you’re grateful for.
Here are some helpful strategies from my book Broadcasting Happiness to help you combat negative people in your life using your own positivity:

Create a strategic retreat — on an island or in your office

Sometimes the most effective way to deepen a conversation is to retreat from it. Retreats are cowardly, but strategic retreats make us stronger and better able to handle others. A strategic retreat enables us to preserve our resources (both mental and physical) and create the space to formulate an action plan for the future.

A strategic retreat from the negative can be crucial to creating a positive shift in our relationships at work. Once when I was feeling burned out from my overnight job and by some of the frustrating people in my life, I took a vacation by myself to the Caribbean for some R & R (rum and rum). I later came to see was that this was a strategic retreat, which allowed me to recharge.

And much to my surprise, after a few days of being away, I found that I actually missed some people, even the frustrating ones. I used my strategic retreat to give space to refocus my brain on positive elements of my life including the work I loved and the close relationships I had—not only to support my own happiness, but to create an action plan to use my positivity to proactively counteract negativity from my colleagues.

Now, I understand that not everyone can just pick up and go to the Caribbean by themselves, but strategic retreats don’t have to be elaborate, “Eat, Pray, Love,” round-the-world journeys. Strategic retreats can be created almost anywhere on any given day—even in your own office!

If you are looking to retreat immediately but can’t get away from the office, take a few minutes to close your office door. Turn on some calming music and think about the things in your life that make you happy. Another way you can strategically retreat at work is to go for a walk by yourself at a nearby park or outdoor area during your lunch break. Being outside in the sun will help you think positively while enriching you with some Vitamin D.

But taking a strategic retreat is only half the battle. Eventually we need to come back and face negativity head-on.

Reenter with daily positive, proactive habits

Return to the fray with a proactive plan to keep your mind focused on the fueling parts of your reality. Here are some helpful ways that we can create daily positive habits at work that research has shown have a lasting beneficial impact on your mindset:

1. Send an email of praise or thanks. Every day for 21 days, first thing in the morning, send a short positive email to someone you know. This creates a habit out of meaningfully connecting with our colleagues and shrinks the level of influence negative people have on our lives.
2. Collect your gratitudes. Each day, write down three new and unique things you are grateful for in life. This will train your brain to scan the world in a more positive way. Research has found that gratitude practices conducted in two weeks led to a significant rise in well-being.
3. Snap a positive picture. Each day, snap a picture of something that makes you happy, grateful or loved, whether it’s a sunset, your child sleeping, or a project at work you successfully finished. The positive pictures you take remind you of the emotions you felt while taking them, increasing your positive emotions as a result.

So, if you are like the woman from the audience at my talk struggling to cope with a negative person in your life, remember—take care of yourself first, and that will better help you broadcast your positive mindset to others. Every time you have a positive encounter with a negative person, you’re shifting his or her reality for the better.

If you’d like to learn more about how to combat negativity by retreating, regrouping and reentering relationships with positivity, I invite you to join us for our (free) Wake Up & Inspire Happiness Video Workshop. On Day 3, we share more strategies and examples to learn how to switch negative people in your life to positive in seconds.

Michelle Gielan, national CBS News anchor turned positive psychology researcher, is the best-selling author of Broadcasting Happiness.

Michelle is the Founder of the Institute for Applied Positive Research and is partnered with Arianna Huffington to study how transformative stories fuel success. She is an Executive Producer of “The Happiness Advantage” Special on PBS and a featured professor in Oprah’s Happiness course.

Michelle holds a Master of Applied Positive Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania, and her research and advice have received attention from The New York Times, Washington Post, FORBES, CNN, FOX, and Harvard Business Review.

You’ve read How You Can Win The Battle Against Negativity, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading Get Your Self-Talk to Ground Zero and Save Your Life, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Whoever saves a life, it is considered as if he saved an entire world.
-The Talmud

Everybody gets impatient, everybody.

But sometimes, that self-impatience crosses a line, and it becomes toxic.
I know all about it.

I’ve been living it, so here’s the benefit of some hard-won (and still winning) experience.

The Problem

Recently, I saw a friend post a message on social media to the effect of, “Your past is just a story, don’t let it upset you.” Or, “Don’t worry about the past.”

He wanted to make people feel better, but missed an opportunity.

We have a chance to characterize the past, no matter what it was, to have meaning, significance, and ultimately, a positive mental and emotional outcome.

Reframing

Reframing is the useful and healthy practice of changing the “frame” or context of something.

If you’re like me, a trauma survivor, your ego’s last ditch defense of self-criticism frames everything, large or small, negatively.

And, even now, years of therapy later, with sudden uplift and emotional breakthroughs, I still get impatient.

Here’s a “clip” of internal conversation:

“Lars, you know what’s wrong at this point, get going!”

“Get going,” is really, “What’s wrong with you?”

Or,

“Why haven’t you written 20 books since last year or made hundreds of thousands of dollars from your new blog?”

Subtext: “Okay, so you’ve failed and wasted your life until now, so don’t waste any more time!”

That’s the last gasp of self-criticism, the glob of toothpaste at the end of the negative tube, even now, as I’m doing great stuff.

Ultimate Reframing

Positive Self-Talk is crucial when you turn a corner.

Here it is, what I’ve said and keep saying to myself…the ultimate reframe.

I deserve more than what’s happening right now, I deserve a story of the past that is as positive as it can be.

Otherwise, my present isn’t all it can be.

The ego loves human doing.

Self-talk about the past, kind self-talk, restores the human being.

Listen to the response to that last glob of toothpaste before I throw the glob and the tube into the trash.

“I saved my life. I could have been a monster because of my childhood, but I wasn’t. I’ve been a great spouse, a great parent.”

1-I saved my own life, so I started and saved others. I made an entire healthy generation possible.

That’s it…Ground Zero.

What amount of money, what number of books, what list of external achievements can compare to this truth, this affirmation that turns what appears as a waste to the self-critic into the hero’s quest where he escapes danger, then, goes back and faces that danger for however long it takes to overcome it?

But I didn’t stop there.

2-I’ve succeeded in EVERYTHING in my life that I had the power to do or to change…everything, including the biggest thing, transcending a traumatic childhood.

And finally:

3-By the time I was twenty-five, I’d sung in six of the most prestigious concert halls in New York as part of small, elite choirs; performed major musical theatre roles; appeared as captain of my high school’s quiz team six times; written scores of poems. Plus, later, while holding down almost 40 years of full time administrative work, I wrote and acted in my own plays, started my own marketing company, and, yes, I AM one of the chosen few whose blog posts have been published in Pick the Brain.

So, the ultimate reframe is the ultimate self-affirmation: if I died now, would my legacy be secure?

Yes. That’s why it’s the ultimate reframe.

The Moral of the Story

Yes…the past is only a story.

But, you have the choice to make that story toxic or triumphant.

Through reframing.

Would you allow your child or spouse to torment himself or herself with twisting or diminishing every bit of their past, robbing it of a positive context and so robbing them of a happy present?

Of course not.

Whatever happened to you, whatever you did or didn’t do, the only way to make the best of the present is to make the best of the past.

Ready to save your life? Ready to make it the best it can be?

Then, transform your story. Make it as compassionate, kind, and uplifting as you can.

Because it’s not just about what you’ve done. It’s about who you are and who you’ve been.

The power of story.

Make your story the kindest it can be, fight back and win against toxic impatience.
Stories stick. Own your story, get to ground zero.

You’re worth it. 

Start writing now. 

Lars Nielsen writes full-spectrum communication, and now’s your chance to sign up for his newsletter for his website, Make Message Matter. Go to http://ift.tt/2lJ3kCR and, download his free guide to messaging, “How to Make YOUR Message Matter Cheat Sheet”.

You’ve read Get Your Self-Talk to Ground Zero and Save Your Life, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading Mind Over Matter: How to Train Your Subconscious Mind Part 1, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Do you think it is possible to train your subconscious mind?

Changing your action without changing the program is futile – in the end.

Here’s a quick test to check this: How many of your (or your friends/family) new year’s resolutions are still going strong?

• Cheated on your low carb diet?
• Fell off the “no-worry-wagon”?
• Lost your temper and went crazy on someone?
• Fell back in love with the person who doesn’t love you back?
• Didn’t ask the boss for that promotion/raise/transfer?
• Just can’t seem to save that extra amount of money?
• Not finding the time to meditate as you promised yourself?

Don’t be too hard on yourself. You are safe, you are loved and you are on a journey with me as your guide for these precious moments. While you are reading this, remain as in-the-moment as you can be.

Now let’s get to work and break this thing open!

When looking inside your head, it is always important to work from a trusted model. Just as a mechanic would not dare to tinker around an engine without a trusted operating manual for the specific model car they are working on, neither should you mess with your Operating System without a trusted guide or structure to ensure you know where you are, where you are heading, what is missing, what is working and what you need to do to fill any gaps.

There are many, many models. Some well-known, some less known, some very good and some not that good. How do you distinguish a good model from a bad model? If you are present and in the moment and connected to whatever you would call your Source / Energy / Spirit, then it will be quite clear: you will feel it, or rather, if it’s not for you, it will feel “off”.

If you are not connected, then simply look at your results in following a specific model. Your reality is the best feedback-loop you can get. If you have terrible results, then you probably have a model that needs to be reviewed or changed.

The model I would like to use for the context of this discussion is by John Kehoe. The reason I like his model, is that it draws from many different disciplines: Zen, Shamanism, Kabbalah, Christianity, Jungian psychology, Neuro-science and his own experience with what he calls the Mysteries of Life. He has found significant success in using his model and has reached hundreds of thousands of people through his message.

For this article we are only going to focus on The Mind and Sub-Conscious. By now you are probably familiar with these two concepts, and you also probably know that they are connected.

The Mind operates in what is called the Known. The Sub-conscious operates in what is called the Unknown. This is also why the sub-conscious is sometimes referred to as the iceberg as it hides about 90% of its content.

Let’s look at the mind first. This is the part of your brain that looks at things logically. It uses reason and makes plans that you then execute  – or not – more about that later. It translates your 5 senses into something practical for everyday use and it groups various pieces of information to assist you so you don’t get overloaded and so that you can feel in control when things get stressful.

It works in the “real world” and is easily verifiable through checking to see if something is true or not. Progress in the KNOWN via the Mind is predictable and mostly slow, but sure. This is where most of your practical knowledge comes into play. It is your Outer World.

The Mind is also passing on information to your Sub-Conscious. It only stops doing this when you sleep and your Sub-Conscious has some time to decompress and reconnect to the Unknown.

Now I don’t know about you, but getting your Mind to switch off is very difficult. In fact it is so difficult that some people dedicate their entire lives trying to accomplish this very thing, by tapping out of normal life and becoming monks.

Your Mind is always passing on bits and pieces of information to your Sub-conscious. It is also interpreting the things it passes on. So you don’t just see the new car you would love to have, you see a person driving one and you think: “There’s my future car, why can’t I have one, but he / she can? They probably earn a lot more money than I do, I wonder what they do, they probably love their job, man my job sucks, I really need to get a new one, but jobs are scarce right now, maybe I should just stay where I am, I can’t talk to my boss – he’ll never listen, I’ll probably be there for a lot longer… I don’t think I will own that car anytime soon, I better just forget about it.”

If you had a bit of a chuckle reading that then you can probably identify with this “running commentary” your mind feeds your Sub-conscious.

What’s not so funny, is the next part of the process:

Your Sub-conscious has no ability to discern what is true and what is false. It takes everything at face value. It does not operate in words and language as that is too limiting and slow. It operates on feelings and emotions. It takes what the Mind gives it, processes the feeling and connects that to the Unknown which is also connected to everything else. You might have heard the term “your vibration” before – this is exactly where it is located – the Unknown.

In the next article in this 2-part series, we’ll be looking at the how the Sub-conscious interprets what the Conscious mind feeds it. Have a close look at the running commentary in your head in the mean time – we are going to delve into that a bit further!

Ann x

You’ve read Mind Over Matter: How to Train Your Subconscious Mind Part 1, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading Stop Dreaming and Start Creating Your Week, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

I used to regularly dream about the concept of making my life an “achievement”. But it turns out that it just left me daydreaming most of the time, debating the various what-ifs years from now.

So then I started thinking about living my life like it was going to end in six months. Scary I know — but it worked; I took more risks, went on more adventures, and became a little happier for it too.

But even then, I knew it wasn’t quite right. The fear of missing out, as opposed to the love of creating my life, was what was driving my behaviour.

There had to be a better way.

So I started thinking about the concept of creating my week as beautifully as I could. Through the lens of Monday to Sunday, I didn’t have too much space to daydream.

If I wanted to play an instrument, I had to dedicate a day to it. If I wanted great relationships, I had at least meet two to four friend friends each week. If I wanted to be the kind of person that reads, I had to read a book each week. If I wanted to be a competitive footballer, then I had to find a way to play football every week.

You Can Make The Future Seem Less Intimidating

Everything broken down into a week felt lighter. The heavy shoulders I slumped to work with vanished slowly. I felt more enthusiastic, made more plans, took more action, and I was exhilarated by life, in the present. 

All I was doing was creating my week as best as I could, and leaving the rest to the universe.

Don’t get me wrong, even with this mindset; there were still some rough weeks. Weeks where I felt my life was in tatters and nothing was working. But come to think of it, it was only ever because of outside circumstances. A bad breakup, an argument, a money issue, and so on. – otherwise everything improved drastically.

What I Eventually Realized

Changing your week to reflect your ideal life can happen right now. Your week is a meaningless, empty canvas. But with your brush, you can stroke the flames of your life into ecstasy. Just like a painter, you can create a masterpiece.

You will always lead your life between Monday and Sunday. If you don’t at least try to create the most epic week possible now with what you have, you’re going to be less likely to create an epic life.

Creating your week is an art, but an art that has no completion. It’s continually in motion, either for the better or, the worse, because time moves forward whether you do or don’t.

If you keep stroking that paintbrush into your week (your canvas), you will be continually morphing, adjusting, learning and growing. If you continue stroking new colours into your life, you’ll be improving on the little imperfections, learning from the mistakes, and moving forward.  

There will be weeks where things don’t work out the way you want, but because you have a weekly context, you’ll be less perturbed by a bad day. Embracing the week will allow you to have better emotional resilience.

The World Has Fooled Us

Outside sources have plodded up ideas into your mind from a young age about what you could be and or even what you should be. The underlying assumption behind the question: “What do you want to be when you grow up” is: you need to fit into a standard to feel worthy.

This lodges itself in the bottom of our hearts and minds.

We’ve Let The World Define Our Standards of Success

The whole way success is viewed is backwards – a lot of what we’ve learnt is plain wrong. Instead of predominantly focusing on achievement as our metric for success, we ought to focus on designing our week – because that’s where our life is lived. We can experience the good life right now, in this week! But we don’t – because we think we need to climb mountains before we arrive.

And while it is helpful to dream about the future on occasion so that we can feel a little more inspired, what’s even more rewarding is: living from a place that allows us to be inspired each week. Every Monday, we get given a series of days that will never replicate themselves again. 

Let’s make the most of it.  

My Last Words

If you’re a creative and interested in learning how to improve the way you live your week, read my free book on Spiritual Productivity.

• You’ll learn about how to split up your day into four chunks, so you worry less about external influences.
• You’ll discover the small hacks that will take your creative work on your PC to the next level.
• And much more…

 Samy Felice is a writer who is passionate about unique ideas related to living a meaningful life. His Free Book explores ways people can make success easier.

You’ve read Stop Dreaming and Start Creating Your Week, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

http://ift.tt/2rAbjTa

You’re reading Stop Dreaming and Start Creating Your Week, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

I used to regularly dream about the concept of making my life an “achievement”. But it turns out that it just left me daydreaming most of the time, debating the various what-ifs years from now.

So then I started thinking about living my life like it was going to end in six months. Scary I know — but it worked; I took more risks, went on more adventures, and became a little happier for it too.

But even then, I knew it wasn’t quite right. The fear of missing out, as opposed to the love of creating my life, was what was driving my behaviour.

There had to be a better way.

So I started thinking about the concept of creating my week as beautifully as I could. Through the lens of Monday to Sunday, I didn’t have too much space to daydream.

If I wanted to play an instrument, I had to dedicate a day to it. If I wanted great relationships, I had at least meet two to four friend friends each week. If I wanted to be the kind of person that reads, I had to read a book each week. If I wanted to be a competitive footballer, then I had to find a way to play football every week.

You Can Make The Future Seem Less Intimidating

Everything broken down into a week felt lighter. The heavy shoulders I slumped to work with vanished slowly. I felt more enthusiastic, made more plans, took more action, and I was exhilarated by life, in the present. 

All I was doing was creating my week as best as I could, and leaving the rest to the universe.

Don’t get me wrong, even with this mindset; there were still some rough weeks. Weeks where I felt my life was in tatters and nothing was working. But come to think of it, it was only ever because of outside circumstances. A bad breakup, an argument, a money issue, and so on. – otherwise everything improved drastically.

What I Eventually Realized

Changing your week to reflect your ideal life can happen right now. Your week is a meaningless, empty canvas. But with your brush, you can stroke the flames of your life into ecstasy. Just like a painter, you can create a masterpiece.

You will always lead your life between Monday and Sunday. If you don’t at least try to create the most epic week possible now with what you have, you’re going to be less likely to create an epic life.

Creating your week is an art, but an art that has no completion. It’s continually in motion, either for the better or, the worse, because time moves forward whether you do or don’t.

If you keep stroking that paintbrush into your week (your canvas), you will be continually morphing, adjusting, learning and growing. If you continue stroking new colours into your life, you’ll be improving on the little imperfections, learning from the mistakes, and moving forward.  

There will be weeks where things don’t work out the way you want, but because you have a weekly context, you’ll be less perturbed by a bad day. Embracing the week will allow you to have better emotional resilience.

The World Has Fooled Us

Outside sources have plodded up ideas into your mind from a young age about what you could be and or even what you should be. The underlying assumption behind the question: “What do you want to be when you grow up” is: you need to fit into a standard to feel worthy.

This lodges itself in the bottom of our hearts and minds.

We’ve Let The World Define Our Standards of Success

The whole way success is viewed is backwards – a lot of what we’ve learnt is plain wrong. Instead of predominantly focusing on achievement as our metric for success, we ought to focus on designing our week – because that’s where our life is lived. We can experience the good life right now, in this week! But we don’t – because we think we need to climb mountains before we arrive.

And while it is helpful to dream about the future on occasion so that we can feel a little more inspired, what’s even more rewarding is: living from a place that allows us to be inspired each week. Every Monday, we get given a series of days that will never replicate themselves again. 

Let’s make the most of it.  

My Last Words

If you’re a creative and interested in learning how to improve the way you live your week, read my free book on Spiritual Productivity.

• You’ll learn about how to split up your day into four chunks, so you worry less about external influences.
• You’ll discover the small hacks that will take your creative work on your PC to the next level.
• And much more…

 Samy Felice is a writer who is passionate about unique ideas related to living a meaningful life. His Free Book explores ways people can make success easier.

You’ve read Stop Dreaming and Start Creating Your Week, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

http://ift.tt/2rAbjTa