“For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.”

― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Is there such thing as a wrong feeling? Well kind of, but not really. Most feelings aren’t fundamentally good or bad, rather it’s how we chose to act on them which makes them good or bad, or useful or detrimental to ourselves or someone else.

Many of us were brought up, conditioned, and told to believe having negative feelings is bad so if you ever hope to be a worthwhile, good, acceptable, respectable, or even half decent person you must always be in total control of your feelings, and only ever feel or express the good ones.

If this is the case, then I fail. And I’ve been learning to be okay with that.

One of said fails occurred just the other day after putting my year and a half old daughter down for her afternoon nap. My child typically naps for about 90 minutes, so knowing this I had been determined and motivated all morning to spend this uninterrupted hour and a half or so being extra productive and getting some good solid work done.

On this particular day, however, about 20 minutes in, and just as my productivity juices were starting to flow, she woke up!

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” I said to myself. “Not today. Okay, no big deal, I’ll just go in and help her go back to sleep. It’s okay if it takes me a few minutes to do that, I can come back and get these things done that I’ve been really wanting and needing to get done. It’s okay. All will be back on track in a few minutes.”

Well, apparently this little person had a different idea. Yes, she was willing to lay back down, but no, she was not at all interested in going back to sleep. And after a good 30 minutes of trying everything in my bag of tricks to lull her back to sleep, my plans of being able to get in some good solid and productive working time were slowly unraveling and there was nothing I could do.

But I just couldn’t let go of my mind set on getting this work done. So, I got mad. Mad and frustrated at my child. At one point I even said in a not-very-warm-mummy voice “Oh, just close your freaking eyes and go to sleep. COME ON!” but of course, she didn’t. Which of course led me to feel even more frustrated.

And then I started to get angry with myself for being a bad parent and feeling resentful toward my child for something that was not even a little bit her fault. And then I started to feel worse because I couldn’t stop feeling frustrated with the situation, and with myself for not being able to feel rational and talk myself out of feeling angry.

And then it all just felt like too much and I decided that I might just spontaneously combust right then and there.

Luckily, however, a few moments later I was able to get a grip and come to my senses, and show myself a little compassion and understanding by allowing myself to just throw out all attempts to “keep it all together and be a perfect and rational parent with perfect emotions” out the window.

And I cried. And I buried my head in my hands and I cried. And I walked in to the bathroom so my poor child wouldn’t have to witness such a pathetic site, and I sat on the edge of the tub and cried. Probably for too long, but I do sometimes have a bit of a flair for the dramatic.

And when I felt done crying, I stopped.

And then I sat on the edge of the tub and I took some deep deep breaths.I then got myself together, apologized to my child for not letting myself just accept and feel my feelings and instead taking them out on her.

Once I was able to feel what was happening inside of me and allowed it just come out through some pretty harmless tears and self-pity it was actually quite easy to let go of my idea of how I wanted the afternoon to unfold.

I went back in to her bedroom, scooped my sweet child up in to my arms and we played and laughed and snuggled and went to the park and ate cheesy fishies together.

So what of all this Julia? Let me tell you:

Next time You start to feel frustrated, discouraged, disappointed or angry, before you try to talk yourself down or out of what you’re feeling go through these 5 steps:

1. Feel & Experience: Just go ahead and let yourself feel what you’re feeling. Feel that feeling and feel it good.

Give yourself a little space – walk into another room and have a good cry, or stomp of your feet, a walk around the block or bury your head into a pillow and just let the feeling come in swirl about for a few minutes.

2. Accept:Then, once you’ve allowed that feeling to be felt, heard, and accepted, you will start the process of feeling much calmer because you won’t be fighting your feelings, yourself nor the fact that you are an imperfect and not-always-totally-together human being. And THAT’s sure to bring relief.

3. Encourage: After this, pull your socks up, and give yourself a pep talk.

A pep talk that goes something like this: “I can do it!” or “So it didn’t go my way; that happens sometimes. Time to move forward and switch gears,” or “I’ve overcome MUCH bigger challenges than this,” Or “this sucks, but I am strong and I can get through it and it doesn’t have to ruin my whole day, or week, or month” or whatever words of support and encouragement you need to hear from yourself in that moment.

If you’re having a hard time with the pep talk, think about what you would say to a close friend who was struggling and needed to hear some words of encouragement, and then say that to yourself.

4. Be Grateful: In spite of it all, think of 3 things you are grateful for in you life right in that moment. It doesn’t have to be things that are relevant or connected to recent upsetting events, just 3 things in general. They can be small like: having a comfy bed to sleep in at night, or having food in the fridge to feed myself whenever I am hungry, or living in a safe neighbourhood (you know, the little things we take for granted). Or bigger things like: Friends who love me, a job I enjoy, a healthy, happy, beautiful child (you know, the big things in life we take for granted).

5. Re-Do:Whoever said there aren’t second chances in life was mistaken. There are almost always opportunities to re-write or more fittingly re-right a situation gone wrong.

Take yourself back to the situation or person with your renewed sense of peace, acceptance, and strength and turn the situation around into something positive and enjoyable.

Feel it, experience it, accept it, deal with it, and get on to feeling good again.

———

Julia Kristina is a Mental Health Therapist, and runs an active Private Practice in Downtown Vancouver, British Columbia. Helping men and women experience positive and healthy changes in their lives is her passion and she feels grateful and blessed to be doing this work. Julia also gives vibrant and engaging talks and workshops on topics related to Mental Health, Wellness, and Personal Development. Whenever she is able to find a few moments, she dedicates this time to her other passion: writing in a light hearted, yet thoughtful way what she is researching, learning, and experiencing as a therapist on her Good for Me blog

The post 5 Steps to Get You Through a Terrible Feeling and In to Feeling Good Again appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

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Do you go through life accepting things as they are? You try to get through one day at a time never really knowing what’s beyond that, you just don’t want to know.

If you feel like life has no purpose and you are frustrated about figuring it all out – start here, with yourself.

These 11 things you should know about yourself will open your mind to possibilities and give you purpose and a positive outlook so you can see beyond ‘just’ making it to the end of the day.

1. Know you are different to the rest of the world

You are special, unique, one of a kind. So why are you always comparing yourself to others? The reality is you have your own personality, quirks and the way you do things accept it. It’s ok to be you.

The things that make you different are the things that make you, you!

2. Know what you love

Find out what you love – people, things and places. Make what you love a part of your life, if what you love are important to you, why wouldn’t you?

What you love should be what consumes your time. You should never feel guilty for not having the time to see, do and have the things you love. You should make the time.

3. Know how to be responsible

For every aspect of your life. Make this a priority. Blaming other people for what happens in your life will keep you from being truly happy with whom you are. It’s not about what happens to you, but how you deal with it by taking responsibility.

By taking responsibility – you take control.

4. Know what drives you

Find out and use this to find your passions so you can live fully. What drives you will get you out of bed in the morning and allow you to look forward to a better future.

Is it a dream you have never decided to take action on because life has taken over? Or you are scared to do something because of what others may think?

Get to know what drives you so you can be passionate about life again.

5. Know what you are good at

Everyone has strengths that make them good at something. Sometimes this can be difficult to identify because it comes naturally to you. Use these strengths to find your flow. This can be useful to find work or even start a business or career you will love!

6. Know the company you keep

Who are the kind of people you spend the most time with? Jim Rohn once said:

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

Try to spend time with people who motivate and inspire you, who are positive and will stand by you, 100%.

7. Know your goals in life

If you don’t have any goals in life other people will create them for you. It’s not enough to just set goals you must take the necessary steps to make them a reality.

What do you want to achieve? What are the steps for getting there?

“If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.” – Lewis Carroll

8. Know how to rely on yourself

When you know how to rely on yourself you will grow in confidence and self-worth. You will make great decisions, believe in yourself and trust you’re your own judgments. Other people matter in your life but you must also be able to rely on you.

Start by getting to know your values. What you stand for and what you believe in.

9. Know your passion

Your passion will invigorate you and give you life. It’s what gets you up in the morning and allows you to do what you love. What are your passions? How can you start getting into doing what you love? Give up on what you don’t like doing and get passions into gear!

10. Know your life path

If you don’t know where you are going,  you can end up anywhere!

Create a compelling vision and practice daily to see beyond your struggles. Use positive thinking to help you stay on track and take action so you can see your vision come to life. Day by day you create your future make one that you love, one where you can look back and be proud of your story.

11. Know how to be positive

Instead of expecting the worst, expect that good things will happen to you. Being mindful about your perspective in life is what gives you results. A positive mindset can be a huge turnaround for your life circumstances allowing you to see things from an optimist’s point of view. Begin to start your ‘positive’ journey by changing the way you think. Try to direct your thoughts towards the outcome you want.

There is real power in positivity!

 

Diana is a beach lover, philosopher & Entrepreneur.  She is all about helping you find purpose, authenticity & happiness, sanity which Is why she created The Personal Freedom Project. Subscribe to her Happy Triggers Guide, designed to help you find purpose and a plan for your life even if you don’t know where to start!

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It seems as though new rumors related to perceived mistakes you can make which cause you to put on weight are reported every week as though they are fact. There seems to be no right method that you can adopt to prevent yourself from piling on the pounds. In many cases, however, the evidence that is cited may only be an initial finding that is debunked after further work and testing, or it may just be wrongly reported. Either way, many of these rumours should be taken with a healthy pinch of salt.Leading Image Source

Distracted eating

However, one report that has been circulating asserts that eating while watching TV can be directly linked to obesity due to “distracted eating”, where we snack or eat without concentrating exactly on what we’re putting into our bodies. This then leads to us gaining weight because we’re eating unhealthily while remaining sedentary.

Sitting down

Source

This report isn’t entirely wrong, but it isn’t entirely right, either. The point about sitting down being a factor is irrelevant – we would always sit down to eat, so whether that happens at a table or in front of the TV doesn’t make any difference. It also shouldn’t make that much of a difference if the television is on or not, though regular evenings spent in front of it rather than at the gym or having a run will undoubtedly have a cumulative effect on your general weight.

Unhealthy snacking

It’s really the fact that, while you’re sitting around, you tend to snack on energy-dense foods like crisps and chocolates. They all contain high numbers of calories, but you’re not doing the required amount of exercise to burn those calories off, and this is what leads to the weight gain. There is nothing wrong with getting in from work and flopping down on the sofa for the evening, but there does need to be a balance so you can ensure you that you are living life to the fullest.

Source

It doesn’t make a difference what you do while you’re eating – it’s how you lead the rest of your life through the food you eat and the exercise (or lack thereof) that you do that matters. It really is as simple as burning more calories than you consume that will allow you to keep the weight off. Eating while watching television ultimately has nothing to do with any weight you may or may not gain over the years, but eating junk without exercising does.

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I recently had a minor altercation with a couple of friends. It was minor to me because I didn’t think it was a big deal. But a third party, who happened to be present at that time was affected rather badly.

Without going into too much detail, I was told I was very hurtful with my actions and that I should have controlled my temper.

It made me reflect deeply because as said, I didn’t think it was a big deal at first.

Are you making excuses to avoid being honest?

Through my reflection I realized that we tend to make a lot of excuses. And we do that, we stop being honest with ourselves.

We try to justify the anger, sadness or pain in general with our emotions, regardless of whether we’re in the right or wrong.

Then we leave it as that. Because sometimes, feeling the pain is a lot easier than working to improve ourselves.

Am I right?

It’s time to get honest. And yes, it’s going to be terrifying.

7 honest questions you need to start asking yourself

1) “Could it possibly be that I’m actually in the wrong?”

You could be wrong indeed. That’s why you have to swallow your pride and actually admit your mistake, man up and apologize.

It’s going to be uncomfortable and angering even, but if you’re wrong, you’re wrong. You have to be honest and make amends. Avoid using your emotions to justify your bad behavior and stubbornness. That’s immature and it’s time to grow up.

Besides, it usually isn’t as bad as you make it out to be. People would appreciate your honesty.

2) “Do I really love my family?”

I think most of us, who are in a healthy family say that we love our parents and siblings. Yet, do we act the part though?

Do you say you love your mom, but get annoyed most of the time because you dismiss her love as being naggy and then act all rude and stuff to her?

This is an important question because answering it should push you to make the relationship better.

Or, if you can’t answer yes to it because your family is abusive and dysfunctional, then perhaps it’s time you allow yourself some happiness by leaving them altogether.

3) “Am I where I want to be in my life today?”

This question is brutal. Many of us aren’t, but say yes anyway because we think we’re doing alright according to society’s standard or others’ view of you.

For example, people hate their job. But they don’t quit because the stable income makes them feel like that they’re doing alright, and that’s alright.

If you try being honest here, it’s going to feel scary, but from there, you can lay out a plan to start going where you really want to go regardless of age. Do it.

4) “Do I truly not care about what others think of me?”

This one is a known issue a lot of people have trouble with.

Some of us think we got it down pat though, but do we really? What happens when you’re say, taking part in a competition where tons of people are physically around you?

Mastering the art of of not caring about what others think is tricky. If you want to be good at it, answer the question honestly. Feel the cringe. Then keep pushing yourself.

5) “Do I always say what I want to say to others?”

Or do you hold back at the last moment because you don’t want to hurt others’ feelings or want to avoid confrontation?

And then you end up regretting, asking yourself why you weren’t honest.

I think we all hold back every now and then as a form of proper etiquette. Nobody wants the blunt truth at a party anyway.

Yet, for better or worse, this is a great question to be honest with. Answer it honestly, and see how you can balance it out in your life. It will greatly benefit both you and those around you.

6) “Do I want to be right, or be happy?”

Here’s the honest truth: The former does not necessarily bring happiness.

A lot of us are obsessed with wanting to be right though. If you’re constantly unhappy then, perhaps it’s time you let it go and aim for the latter instead.

And yes, that means swallowing your pride, backing down and letting others think that you’re wrong, or that you lost. Not that it matters though. Work for this!

7) “Do I really love him/her?”

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him/her?

Do you think you can be alone when he/she is out of the picture?

Are you only with him/her out of comfort?

There’re way too many unhappy couples today. They feel stuck. They fear being alone or the pain from trying to get over a breakup. They don’t dare be honest with themselves.

I think that since it concerns your future, you really need to be honest here. Everyone deserves true love in their life!

Special bonus for Pick The Brain Readers!

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Alden Tan keeps it real at his blog and writes about motivation in unconventional ways. His two main passions are Bboying and writing. Check out his free report, 12 Things Happy People Don’t Give a F**k About!

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Intuition everyone talks about it, but not everyone is aware of when they are having an intuitive flash. Whether you call it listening to your gut or tapping into your intuition or following your instinct, understanding how to pay attention to your natural knowing is a vital skill for success in business and life.

In fact, even the top CEOs and notable people like Donald Trump, Steve Jobs, Sir Richard Branson, Oprah Winfrey and Warren Buffet have attributed part of their success to their “ah-ha!” moments.

Albert Einstein once said that it is our most valuable asset, and one of our most unused senses.

Now, you may think that you don’t have the intuitive gift, but that’s just not true. We’re all intuitively wired. It is our most natural biological function. Each of us has our own “feeling” of what is worthwhile and right for our lives, and you’d certainly like to learn how to tap in to the infinite power of your intuition, but you don’t know how to do it.

So, here are seven actionable ways to tune into your gut.

1) Listen to a physical reaction

Do you have butterflies in your stomach? Goose bumps? Did you experience physiological responses, like queasiness, shortness of breath, sneezing or a headache?

Your body is a powerful intuitive communicator. There’s a reason it’s called a “gut feeling”. If you experience nagging thoughts and feelings of suspicion, anxiety, doubt, curiosity or wonder for a particular situation, it’s up to you to follow them and see where they’ll lead. Listening to your body’s subtle signals is a critical part of exercising your intuitive sense.

2) Meditate

Close the door. Turn off the phone. Shut down your computer and take a few deep, slow breaths to relax your body. Meditation is one of the most powerful practices that, in my opinion, every human on the planet should take up. The first reason why most of us can’t hear our intuition, is because our mind is like a drunken crazy monkey.

Clearing your mind of repetitive thoughts and worries is one of the best ways to listen to your inner voice. When meditating, be still while fully immersing yourself in the flowing torrent of your own mind. Let your thoughts roam and be open to the ideas and solutions that come to you.

3) Ask your inner wisdom for guidance

Whether you call it, God, Universe or Cosmic Consciousness, each of us has access to an unlimited infinite source of wisdom. So, if you’ve found yourself stuck in a certain situation, simply ask for guidance. Pose an inner question to yourself and really pay attention to signals and patterns that may arise. Be open minded.

Inwardly pose a question to yourself, like “Why am I here? What message was I brought here to share with other people? Is this life path right for me?” Stay open to any flashes, sensations or impressions you receive.

4) Tune into higher vibrations

Every single thought and word that comes into your head and out of your mouth has an impact on the world around and within you. Every thought or feeling has a vibration that can be measured. By learning to raise these vibrations you will be able to connect with your inner wisdom. People who speak about their vibration and their intuition comfortably experience it very regularly.

5) Stop and take a moment

The goal here is to take a moment to quiet your mind and bring yourself into the present moment. Sitting at your desk trying to hammer out a solution to a project won’t allow your intuition to turn on, while stepping away from your pc, getting out of the office and doing something that has nothing to do with work can help you tune in to your powers of intuition.

Steve Jobs was known to take long walks when stuck on a problem to experience a moment of real clarity. That clarity is like a fresh breath of pure inspiration. So, no matter what you are doing, take a break and jump, dance, go for a run or have a nice long walk.

 6) Pay attention to your dreams

Intuition is the language of dreams. Research shows that during dream-time the brain does creative problem-solving, which can help you make the right choice in your waking life. Before you go to sleep each night, reflect upon questions and issues for which you couldn’t find solutions during the day, such as “How can I fix that problem?”.

Think about and explore different possibilities. This will trigger your imagination and put your subconscious to work at furnishing you with creative solutions while you sleep. If you’re attuned to your dreams, you can get a lot of information about how to live your life. The next morning, immediately write down any dreams or great ideas you remember before getting out of bed. Then see if and how the dream answered your question.

7) Keep an intuition journal

Meditation, dreams and long walks can bring up lots of insights, so it’s a good idea to track every thoughts or “feeling” you experienced. Write down questions or concerns, then take a deep breath and listen for a response from your inner wisdom. Let yourself write automatically.

Next time you are having difficulty making a decision, pick up a pen and some paper and let the words flow out of you. Reflect on the situation, explore those feelings, and consider the bigger picture. By regularly recording your thoughts can be a wonderful catalyst for removing blocks and letting your intuitive voice lead the way.

Your intuition is your inner guide. If you don’t listen to it, you are not living at your full potential. Intuition unleashes your creativity and imagination, puts you in touch with your subconscious power and helps you make better and more integrative decisions. Developing your intuition is like learning any new skill. The more you practice, the better you get at it. So, be patient. Results don’t always happen right away. Like exercising any muscles, start off slowly and gradually build your “intuitive muscle.”

—

Luigi Potenza is on quest to help people like you create a healthy, happy, fulfilled and EPIC life. Check out his Website to recieve free tools, ideas and techniques you can immediately use to improve any aspects of your life. Connect with Luigi on Facebook and Twitter.

The post 7 Ways To Trust Your Intuition (Even If You Don’t Think You Have Any) appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

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What is your #1 goal or dream you wish to accomplish?

We all have ONE that we are too embarrassed to tell people about and NEVER actually pursue or maybe have tried and given up.

You know, the one in the back of our minds that seems to elude us.  It fails to get our full attention as we continue through life like it doesn’t really exist.

We usually say things like:

“I really want to ____”

“I wish I could _____”,

“someday I will _____”

Or we daydream about it all day long but never actually commit and take action.

My true goal was to start an online business and to write this blog to share what I learned from obsessively reading, experimenting and doing things ass backward as opposed to following conventional wisdom.

Instead of following my true goal, I avoided it.  I did everything but dedicate myself to pursue it.

Instead managed to:

• Start and fail at two other businesses.

• Got back to school and ace all the pre-med classes including the dreaded orgo.

• Study really hard for the MCAT exam.

• Train for the NJ state police physical exam and crush it.

• Become a registered EMT, work at a hospital and save lives.

• Destroy my relationships by working too much.

I managed to do everything EXCEPT what I really wanted most.

Every now and then I reminisce about the past, reliving the countless hours I spent struggling.  I can truly say I have no regrets for PURSUING  weird things.  The only regrets I have are from NOT fully pursuing my true goal and actually working too much.

We can all blame not pursuing our real goals on being lazy or lack of commitment but let’s take a deeper look.  After talking to many others and reliving my past mistakes I came to the conclusion that two main mental blocks hold us back.

1. Fear.

2. Feeling overwhelmed

As we stare out the window into the sky dreaming about our goals, a storm of thoughts brews as we start to question ourselves.  We wonder, what if? what do I do next? how should I? should I try ___?  All these thoughts lead to confusion and anxiety and amass to that deep overwhelming feeling.

With a million and one thoughts and questions with no answers, we fail to take action because we don’t know where to start.

It’s like beginning a journey of a thousand miles but never actually taking the first step because you don’t know where to place your foot!

The result is we follow other clear cut paths that we do know how to do.  Medicine and being a state cop have clear cut processes, all you have to do is follow it and perform well.  Simple.

It was difficult to realize what I was really doing to myself but now instead of wishing and hoping and pursuing weird things, I am making progress everyday leading me one step closer to my true goals.  The hardest part is getting over the fear and feeling of being overwhelmed and truly commit to pursuing your number one dream or goal.

Here’s how to take action instead of wishing and hoping for your dreams and goals to come true.

1.  Get out a piece of paper and write your #1 dream or goal.  What do you REALLY want? What is really in the back of your mind that you mostly think about?  Be extremely clear about it.

2.  Write down EVERYTHING you can do that will get you closer to that goal.  Break it down into grainy detail.  Write down EVERYTHING.

3. Identify what matters most.

4. Start by working on it everyday no excuses.  Commit to at least  30 minutes.

Enjoy the process, you are on your way!

——

Are you serious about improving your life?  Perhaps it’s an important aspect such as being more productive, being happier, making better decisions or being better around people.  If you do, follow me as I cover all these topics and more at evolvedalphamind.com

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I hear so many people say that they don’t have time to sit down and meditate, go to a class or even just do nothing for 5 minutes.

Believing that mindfulness or meditation practice needs to be formal and structured is a trap. 

It’s too easy to say “I don’t have time,” I don’t feel like it” or “I’ll do it tomorrow” and then keep putting your practice off.

But what if you got to do your mindfulness practice every day without even trying?

That’s what I’m encouraging you to do, to break your beliefs about what mindfulness should be, and create your own beliefs.

Here’s my definition of mindfulness:

Paying conscious attention to your direct experience (internal and external)
without judgement or struggle.

That doesn’t sound too hard does it? Just paying attention to your life as it happens?

Here are some ideas to get you thinking about activities that you probably already do, which you can do mindfully from now on:

Stretch, chop veggies, have a shower, listen to the sounds around you, observe people, brush your teeth, feel the breeze or sun on your skin, type on a keyboard, walk, watch animals and insects in nature, write, draw, get dressed, drive a car, eat lunch, open your front door, cook dinner, get into bed.

 

Surely you do a couple of these things everyday (or could fit them in if you really wanted to.) The point is, you don’t need to sit down, switch off your phone and be completely undisturbed in order to integrate mindfulness practice into your life. In fact, if you are truly just paying attention to the present then it shouldn’t matter whether or not your phone makes a noise or your kids are with you.

Just choose 2 or 3 activities that you do (or can do) regularly that you will commit to doing with presence and awareness. That’s it!

In case you’re wondering how to do something “mindfully” without forcefully trying to evict all distracting thoughts from your mind, here’s the steps I recommend:

1. Let your thoughts be

Mindfulness is not the absence of thoughts. It is peaceful observation of the mind without the need to engage in the barrage of thoughts that roll in and roll out. Instead of buying into each thought that arises, simply let it be there, don’t fight it, just notice it, and then let it drift away in it’s own time.

2. Engage your senses

Observe everything that you can about the present moment and what it’s truly like to engage in your chosen mindful activity. Notice the position on your body and the sensations that you feel in your skin, your muscles and watch your body as it moves. Listen to the sounds that are generated by this activity and the sounds that are playing out in the background. Take note of what you can see, paying attention to the colours, patterns and contrast between light and dark.

3. Sit back and observe

Sit back from your thoughts about the past or future. Sit back from worries, daydreams and to-do list items. If your mind tries to distract you then just disentangle yourself from your thoughts and allow them to float past you. Just observe and notice. Let all of your senses come alive and collectively enjoy each moment that you carry out your chosen activity.

What activity will you choose to do mindfully from now on?

 

 

Naomi Goodlet is a Mindfulness Crusader, Spiritual Rebel and Happiness Hacker.
She advocates for empowerment, wellbeing and freedom through connection with true values and with the present moment. To connect with Naomi visit her website.

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“As my sufferings mounted I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation — either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course.”

― Martin Luther King Jr.

When I was forced to undergo a withdrawal from a potent drug that would embark me on an arduous journey that would involve many months of suffering, I thought long and hard about how I should bring meaning to this significant part of my life. In the early days of my withdrawal, when I was trying to figure this all out, I knew a few things: I wanted to spend my time productively; I wanted to express myself creatively; I wanted to grow as a person; and I wanted to be a force of positive change in the world.

I gravitated towards writing. I started a blog and I spent countless hours writing away, honing my craft, and building something that would bring value to the lives of others.

Now, the whole point of this post isn’t about my accomplishments. It’s about—as MLK Jr. puts it so eloquently—turning your suffering into a creative force. This is a brief glance at my story, how I did it, and how it turned out for me, but there are some universal points I want to highlight in doing so.

During my withdrawal, I experienced some pretty nasty, debilitating physical symptoms that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy (not like I have any anyway). It sucked major, but then I came to a realization: my physical pain would be inevitable, but my mental suffering would be a choice. I could choose to wallow in my pain and despair, or I could simply experience it and choose to move forward with positivity in each moment. I chose the latter, and doing so was very liberating.

Here’s what we have to understand about suffering:

Suffering, is raw emotional energy. If you can transmute that energy into a positive force; if you can harness your feelings and turn it into creative fuel; some very beautiful things can blossom from that.

If I had not gone through my withdrawal—if I had not suffered—I’m not sure I would have ever found my passion for writing. As each day goes by, my love for the art of the written word grows deeper. It’s helped me understand who I am as a person; it’s helped me clarify my values and life philosophy; and it’s helped me paint a clear vision of what I want out of life. It’s transformed me.

My writings, over time, gave me an opportunity to better understand, process, and refine myself in a very tangible, intimate way, that I otherwise wouldn’t have. Writing was one of my suffering’s blessings.

My whole withdrawal experience put my life on hold. In retrospect, because of the severity of it all, I was denied from enjoying and participating in some very basic pleasures of life; things like socializing; exercise; sleep; showers; etc. Now that I’m better, I have granted myself the absolute right to live, fully, now. I’ve made it a habit to exercise because I couldn’t before. I enjoy showers now because before, my skin was too sensitive and it caused immense pain. I enjoy every time I get to go out with friends because before, it was out of the question. They say in prison is where one grants one’s self the right to live. My withdrawal was my prison, and now that I’m better, I use my past experiences as fuel to carpe diem (seize the day). I’ve learned to truly be thankful for the good things in life.

This has no doubt been one of the most tumultuous times of my life. I’ve never experienced so much suffering; physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. But my decision to turn this experience into a positive was why it has also been one of the best things to have happened to me. When I was going through the thick of it, I was such a mess that I was literally quite useless. I realized this, and I made the promise to myself that, if I couldn’t change my external circumstances, I would change my internal ones. After this decision was made, my character blossomed. I became a better human being. A better writer. I fell in love and partially became obsessed with self-improvement. I used my suffering to transform myself, and my life, for the better.

To put into perspective how much of my withdrawal experience changed my life, February 16 marked my 13th month since withdrawing. If I had to redo my entire withdrawal experience to be the person I am today; to have the clarity that I do today; to have the clear vision that I do of my tomorrow; I would do it all over in a heartbeat.

I turned my suffering into a creative force that revolutionized my life, just as MLK Jr. used his suffering—and that of his peoples—to revolutionize the social and political structure of our world. To choose to suffer is a choice. To choose to use that suffering as a creative force for change is a wildly different one. I hope you choose the latter. No matter what you’re going through, you can turn it into a positive. You can leverage it to your success. You just have to make the decision to do so.

Christopher Tan is a writer at his blog The Art Of Life where he inspires others to become authors of their own story. He helps people wake up to their truth, power, and potential of blossoming into the best version of themselves. You can follow him on Twitter here.

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Think about the craziest dream you’ve ever had.

No, I’m not talking about the “dream” that comes to you when you sleep. I’m talking about the dream that keeps you from sleep; the one that, in a perfect world, can be achieved with zero effort.

Then, list the things that keep you from achieving that dream.

If you’re like most people, your list would be roughly as long as the Nile River. Also, most of the items would follow a pattern similar to the ones below:

“It’s Too (Blank)”

“Too Hard.” “Too Unrealistic.” “Too Simple.”

Do you often use these phrases to describe your dreams? Because I’ve got news for you: The more you tell yourself that something isn’t possible, the more likely that “something” will be impossible.

Luckily, it works the other way around, too. If you believe, with every fiber of your being, that something is doable, you’ll always find a way to do it.

“I’m Not (Blank) Enough”

When you say your dream is “too (blank),” you’re pinning the blame on your dream. When you say you’re “not (blank) enough,” you’re pinning the blame on yourself.

Stop it.

Stop blaming yourself for not being rich/smart/beautiful enough. Stop blaming yourself for things out of your control. Stop blaming yourself, when you could be doing something more productive with your time.

You’re better than that. You’re better than someone who chooses to wallow in self-pity, instead of taking a deep breath and shouting, “Okay, let’s do this!” Because you CAN do it! 

“I Don’t Have (Blank)”

It’s always about not having something, isn’t it? Not enough money, not enough time, not enough talent.

Well, why not make the effort to chase after those things you don’t have? For example, if you feel like you don’t have enough skills to do your job, you can always find ways to further your education. To start your journey, you need to ask yourself what your goals are and what is needed to achieve it.

Better yet, why not forget about what you don’t have, focus on what you do have, and work from there? You always have the chance to start a new journey, you just have to ask yourself what your goals are and what is needed to achieve them – then go after them!

“It’s Not My Fault That I’m (Blank)”

Refusing to blame yourself, however, is not the same as refusing to take responsibility for anything.

Acknowledge your faults, yes. But don’t use those faults as excuses for not achieving anything. Find a way to work around them, or take a leaf from the books of the world’s most famous people who achieved success despite their disabilities.

“I Screwed up Before; I’m Going to Screw up Again”

There’s nothing you can do about what happened before. But there’s much you can do about what’s yet to happen. Let it go.

If you can’t let go, do this little exercise: Write down every detail of your previous screw-up. Then, file it away in a drawer, or crumple it up and toss it into the trash bin. You’ll feel a lot better, trust me.

“I’ll Do This Some Other Time”

So, you finally want to do somethi- wait a minute. What do you mean, you’re only going to do it tomorrow?

You don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. If you don’t find a way to do it now, what makes you think tomorrow will be any different?

Now What?

Stop dilly-dallying. Do that thing you’ve always wanted to do. Or stay in your comfort zone, and spend the rest of your life wondering “What if?” Either choice is fine, actually; choose to do what will fulfill you. All I can say is, the option that takes you out of your comfort zone is the more exciting option.

——-

Sarah Landrum is a freelance writer and blogger sharing advice on self-improvement, career development, and everything in-between. Follow her for more inspiration @SarahLandrum

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I loved yoga, but it didn’t love me back.

It took me years to admit this. Hobbling around after a particularly grueling practice, I catalogued my injuries thus far: an L5 disc herniation, infraspinatus tendonitis, bilateral hip bursitis, and ulnar neuropathy. Clearly, all that twisting wasn’t exactly doing wonders for my health. But, while yoga didn’t help my body, it did change my life.
Week after week, I would sit in the locker room with women of all ages, shapes, and occupations. All of us equalized by ninety minutes of yoga in a kiln, drained and dripping with sweat. And I would stare at the sign placed prominently above the window.

“You’re never too old, never too bad, never too late and never too sick to start from the scratch once again.” ― Bikram Choudhury

Irony check: I was in fact too bad, too old, and too sick to continue yoga. But the sign nagged at me, stirring up something, a tiny sapling of a dream. A dream deferred maybe, but not yet explored. My dream of writing a book.

The writing bug had struck back in fourth grade, after publishing a horrendous poem called “The Mope” in the school paper. Yes, I remember every word. No, I won’t torture you with a reading. Fast forward twenty years or so, and I had finished one novel and abandoned several others. Fast forward ten more years, and I’d given up writing altogether. Why?

I had plenty of excuses, all well-illustrated by the Bikram sign.

Let’s start with number one: I was “too bad.” This point was driven home after I wrote my first book, a medical thriller. I loved my book. I sent it to fifty agents who did not love my book. So I sent it to fifty more. Which meant fifty more agents who did not love my book. After a hundred rejections, I sort of got the message: I just wasn’t good enough to get published.

Number two: I was “too old.” This excuse is simple enough, especially so long after my first failure. The mantra running inside my head went something like this. “I’m older now. My brain is too slow. My writing days are over.” And repeat. Believe me, if you say it enough times, you will eventually start to believe it.

And finally, number three: I was “too sick.” Substitute the word “tired” for sick here, and I think we can all relate. As a full-time neurologist with two kids, by the end of the day, I was tired. Damn tired. Time to start working on another chapter? Forget it. I still had to clean the kitchen and do some laundry. I barely had enough working brain cells to comprehend “Duck Dynasty,” let alone work on a book.

Put all these excuses together and you are left with the final admonition: “it is too late.” But sitting in the locker room, exhausted and sweaty, I stared at the sign and wondered. Was it really too late? Maybe Bikram was right. Maybe I could start from scratch again.

So I did.

How did I do it? As a doctor, I analyze patients’ symptoms all day. As the saying goes, “physician, heal thyself.” I did some self-examination. First off, I re-read my first novel and was horrified. Not because it was scary, mind you, but because it was terrible. And I mean, really terrible. Suffice it to say, a hundred agents weren’t wrong. So I got to work. I bought some books on writing, studied the craft, and dissected the mistakes from my first try. (Boring protagonist? Check. An overabundance of adverbs? Check. Clichéd villain? Check…) Then I analyzed the barriers to my writing. I am exhausted after a day at work and then a second shift at home. Instead of beating myself up over this, why not write in the morning? Before everyone else gets up, when the time is mine, and mine alone. This small change opened up a world. It gave me time not only to write, but to find myself. In a year, I had written a novel. One month later, I had an agent. Six months later, a book deal. Yes, I was going to be published.

I might never be the twistiest pretzel in yoga class. But, I still keep the words of Bikram in my mind. You’re never too old, never too bad, never too late, and never too sick…to follow your dreams.

——
Sandra A. Block (@block_sandra) graduated from college at Harvard, then returned to her native land of Buffalo, New York for medical training and never left. She is a practicing neurologist and proud Sabres fan, and lives at home with her husband, two children, and impetuous yellow lab Delilah. She has been published in both medical and poetry journals. Little Black Lies (Grand Central Publishing; Feb 17, 2015) is her first novel.

Visit Sandra Block: http://ift.tt/1zQdE7m.

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