You’re reading The Power of Positive Communication in Marriage, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Think of your words as bricks. Each time you say something encouraging, you can add a brick. But each time you criticize, you have to take a brick away. If you had to build a house based on your current level of communication in your marriage, how long would it take?

Hopefully that illustration offers a glimpse of just how important positive communication in marriage is. We already know that validating and reinforcing positive behavior works to help develop children’s brains and promotes happiness. Why would that stop as adults? While our brains are like sponges as children, even as adults we are constantly learning and readjusting based on our experiences. If they are positive, then we react and build a positive life. If all we hear or experience is negative, while we can be pretty resilient for a while, eventually the bricks tumble.

So you know that being a positive person and speaking positively to your spouse are good things for your marriage. But what exactly does positive communication look like on a daily basis? Here are some practical applications and how much power they can have in your marriage. Practice them often until they become second nature, and the impact on your marriage will be amazing.

Say “I love you” often.

Maybe you think your spouse knows you love them; and surely they probably do. But hearing it really solidifies that feeling. It’s not easy for most people to say the words, so when you reach outside of your comfort zone and declare them whole heartedly to your spouse, it means the world. It makes them smile and melts their heart, and they realize that faults and all, they are the one for you. That’s powerful.

Greet each other excitedly.

When you come together after being apart, even if it’s just at the end of the day when coming home from work, greet each other with enthusiasm. It’s really more in the tone than in the exact wording you choose. But make it a point to hug, kiss, say hello, and ask about their day right when you see them. It gives them a sense of belonging and makes them feel wanted. A person who feels like their spouse cares can get through any other negative issue they just left at work because they have full support at home.

Offer a listening ear and give advice only when asked.

Many times we listen in order to formulate our own response; we want to appear smart and be noticed. But that’s not the point of those times our spouse comes to us with a problem or concern. Most of the time, they just need a listening ear, and they need validation that what they are feeling is more or less normal. So offer a listening ear without thinking of a reply. Simple look into your spouse’s eyes and nod and react appropriately. Only offer advice if your spouse specifically asks for it. But even then ask questions to help your spouse formulate their own answer. Most of the time they already know what they should do, they just need your encouragement to go through with it. Listening is a powerful tool in marriage communication, so use it often.

Refrain from interrupting or raising your voice.

There will be times when you don’t agree with your spouse—that much is certain. But how you handle it can lead to a negative outcome or a positive one. Let’s say you’re at the dinner table, and one of the children has acted out harshly. The two of you aren’t in agreement with how to punish your child. Rather than raising your voice or interrupting the other, listen carefully and see if you can negotiate a compromise. Better yet, take the discussion to another room so you can have a chance to think about it and come together away from your child. Don’t resort to negative behaviors to get your way; your way isn’t necessarily “right.” It’s more important to treat your spouse with respect. Your spouse will appreciate your kindness and the tone of your house will be so much more positive. That, in turn, will affect how your family treats others. Talk about powerful.

Give encouragement and praise.

Remember the days when your mom would tell you how awesome your art project was, even though it didn’t quite rival Picasso? What if as spouses we could offer the same sort of praise or encouragement? Of course, we need to be realistic and not offer false hope; but we must tell our spouse how much we admire and love what they do. “You work so hard, honey. I bet you are the best manager they’ve seen in a while,” or “Thanks for dinner. It was sure delicious!” are just a few examples of ways we can praise and encourage each other in the everyday things. As a result, our spouse will feel good and continue on the path of behavior in that avenue. You can bet that spouse will work even harder at his job and be a positive influence on his co-workers, and you can bet that home chef will continue to look for great recipes to feed the family. A win-win for everyone, all thanks to positive communication in marriage.

You’ve read The Power of Positive Communication in Marriage, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading 3 Mindset Hacks For Unstoppable Workout Motivation, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Your body, as Anthony Robbins has said, “Is the only place you have to live so take good care of it.”  But do you?  Most of us don’t.

In fact, the first thing to be cut from the to-do list is usually exercise.  Maybe it’s because you “don’t have the time”, or “it takes too much effort” or maybe you “just don’t like to exercise”.

Whatever your internal ‘devil’ tells you, I’m sure you agree this needs to change. Our bodies were designed to move.  When they remain stagnant, we build up stress chemicals and, in turn, start to feel spacey, irritable, fatigued and even depressed.  Not a good way to live.

A huge part of health and fitness success is about having a clear vision for your health and body and of course clear reasons to undertake the mission in the first place. If you have a ‘why’ that has some emotion attached, you will be able to overcome any of the immediate ‘pain’ or ‘inconvenience’ you might initially attach to the process of working out.

Having a vision and a ‘why’ will spark the motivation you need to have an incredible workout every time you strap on your runners.

So, how do you break through these mental barriers? How do you use the power of your mind for good rather than self-sabotage? Here are three simple steps:

1. Have a clear vision and a ‘why’

The famous philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said, “He who has a ‘why’ to live for can bear almost any ‘how’.” This quote is so relevant to approaching any challenge in life, whether it’s a workout or new career.

2. Practice self-awareness around your thoughts and beliefs

The “father of management”, Peter Drucker once said, “what gets measured, gets improved”, and the same goes for your mindset. If you are unaware of the negative thought patterns and behaviours that are holding you back from your desired level of fitness, it’s almost impossible to change.

Your mind will always find reasons why you “can’t achieve” something and put limitations on your life. Your job is to be aware of these limiting beliefs as they arise and see them for what they really are; fiction!

So, what limiting thoughts and beliefs are getting in your way? Perhaps you feel you look too fat in workout clothes?  Maybe you think you are so out of shape, you will never be able to turn things around? Maybe you don’t like to sweat, or maybe you tell yourself you’ll be judged and mocked when you hit the gym?

Once you’ve identified the reasons behind your lack of working out, you can use your mind to reverse these negative, non-productive thoughts and, ultimately, get out of your own way.

3. Incorporate positive reinforcement into your life (reward loop)

Let’s face it. We’re all motivated by pleasure and rewards. So, rather than beating yourself up for not going to the gym, find ways to hack your internal reward-center and self-motivate.

A great way to do this is to shift your focus to the positives of working out. Think about how much better you will feel, how you will lose weight and how you will have more energy and stamina. If you focus on these positives rather than thinking of exercise as punishment, and thinking about how hard and painful it’s going to be, you’ll soon find it very hard to skip a workout.

Once you build these “pleasure motivators” into your routine and start getting into healthy habits, your results will improve exponentially. Your increased motivation will lead to more purposeful workouts and better results, which, in turn, will lead to even more motivation.

You’ll have a never-ending “reward loop” that keeps you spiraling towards better results!

So remember, think positive, practice self-awareness and create a powerful vision and why for your body and health and every workout will be an experience worth having. Once you master your mindset around training the rest will fall into place. You’ll source better information, workout with more purpose and, ultimately get better and more sustainable results.

By Andy Anderson, CEO of Ultimate You

Ultimate You and its three pillars of change methodology, mindset, nutrition and training, has helped thousands of people to transform their mind, body and life outlook and become lean, energetic and healthy. Ultimate You’s philosophy is that weight loss and fitness can’t be achieved just with a physical training program, mindset and nutritional habits also need to be addressed to achieve long term change in a positive way. http://ift.tt/2qHKAqz

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You’re reading 5 Crucial Results of Self-Education, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Where do you get your education?

Teachers. College and university.If you stop there with the answer, your concept of getting educated is utterly wrong. Education is not something other people give to you. It’s something you earn by yourself. It’s all about how much will you invest in the process.

When you move away from the grades and degrees, what are you left with? Do you know enough about the world that surrounds you? Never! You never know enough!

The process of self-education continues throughout our entire life. In a way, learning is a goal that gives us direction and sense.

You’re still not convinced? We’ll list 5 great benefits you’ll get by staying committed to self-education.

1. Through Self-Education, We Deepen Our Knowledge and Interests

Bill Gates got enough education, right? That didn’t stop him from learning. This is what he said in an interview for The New York Times, answering the question what role reading plays in his life “It is one of the chief ways that I learn, and has been since I was a kid. These days, I also get to visit interesting places, meet with scientists and watch a lot of lectures online. But reading is still the main way that I both learn new things and test my understanding.”

Self-paced learning makes you proficient in any skill and profession. The more you do it, the better you become.

2. It Boosts Your Willpower

“When most people first take an online course, they get stuck,” – says Pimen Brown, a writer from AussieWritings.com. “They come to get help with different projects, and many give up somewhere along the way. It’s not time or skill they lack. It’s willpower. If they are persistent, however, they go through the course although they struggle with it. Then, they take another one. With time, learning becomes easy. They see it as a necessity and they are fully committed to it.”

Your willpower will grow as you push yourself to achieve the goals you set. Self-education helps you develop discipline and will. It builds a strong character.

3. You Make Connections

When you’re committed to learning, you start taking online courses. The best platforms for online learning give you access to discussion forums related to the courses you take. There, you communicate with other people with similar interests and goals. Moreover, you connect with elite tutors.

If you start attending conferences and seminars related to your interest, you’ll develop even more connections. Self-education gives you an ability to choose a personal mentor, who will guide you towards progress.

4. You’re Developing Time Management Skills

Self-paced learning is not as easy as it seems. If you already have a job or you’re studying, it’s hard to fit this goal within your schedule. When you’re committed enough, however, you’ll find a way to compress more goals and responsibilities in a day. That’s called smart time management.

You’ll do that by achieving higher levels of focus. Here are three simple tips to help you with that:

• Use Strict Workflow or StayFocusd to block online distractions. These browser extensions limit your access to social media, Bored Panda, and other websites you don’t need and don’t want while working or studying.
• Get enough sleep! Proper time-management is not about doing as much as possible within a day. It’s about doing things as effectively as possible. There’s a difference. You can be effective at learning only when you have enough energy. Sleep is necessary!
• Do some yoga in the morning. You’ll stretch out your body, but you’ll also relax your mind and you’ll be ready to grab all challenges the day throws at you.

5. Self-Education May Change Your Career Path

So you got an MBA, but you don’t find yourself on that path? You were always interested in psychology and you’re sorry you didn’t get such a degree? Well, you can always learn the things you want to know. You don’t need to go to school for that. You don’t even have to pay for expensive courses; there are tons of resources that help you learn for free.

Once you know enough, you can get a certificate and combine the new interest with your old profession. Business psychology is a very attractive industry nowadays.

Whatever interest you focus on, it can take your career path in a better direction. All it takes is commitment and strong willpower. With that, everything is possible.

Although traditional college and university education is still important, we should never stay limited to it. As a deeply enthusiastic person, you’ll always keep learning. You’ll get tons of benefits along the way, but this is the most important one: you’ll become a more interesting person. The more you know, the more attractive you become.

You’ve read 5 Crucial Results of Self-Education, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading 5 Crucial Results of Self-Education, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Where do you get your education?

Teachers. College and university.If you stop there with the answer, your concept of getting educated is utterly wrong. Education is not something other people give to you. It’s something you earn by yourself. It’s all about how much will you invest in the process.

When you move away from the grades and degrees, what are you left with? Do you know enough about the world that surrounds you? Never! You never know enough!

The process of self-education continues throughout our entire life. In a way, learning is a goal that gives us direction and sense.

You’re still not convinced? We’ll list 5 great benefits you’ll get by staying committed to self-education.

1. Through Self-Education, We Deepen Our Knowledge and Interests

Bill Gates got enough education, right? That didn’t stop him from learning. This is what he said in an interview for The New York Times, answering the question what role reading plays in his life “It is one of the chief ways that I learn, and has been since I was a kid. These days, I also get to visit interesting places, meet with scientists and watch a lot of lectures online. But reading is still the main way that I both learn new things and test my understanding.”

Self-paced learning makes you proficient in any skill and profession. The more you do it, the better you become.

2. It Boosts Your Willpower

“When most people first take an online course, they get stuck,” – says Pimen Brown, a writer from AussieWritings.com. “They come to get help with different projects, and many give up somewhere along the way. It’s not time or skill they lack. It’s willpower. If they are persistent, however, they go through the course although they struggle with it. Then, they take another one. With time, learning becomes easy. They see it as a necessity and they are fully committed to it.”

Your willpower will grow as you push yourself to achieve the goals you set. Self-education helps you develop discipline and will. It builds a strong character.

3. You Make Connections

When you’re committed to learning, you start taking online courses. The best platforms for online learning give you access to discussion forums related to the courses you take. There, you communicate with other people with similar interests and goals. Moreover, you connect with elite tutors.

If you start attending conferences and seminars related to your interest, you’ll develop even more connections. Self-education gives you an ability to choose a personal mentor, who will guide you towards progress.

4. You’re Developing Time Management Skills

Self-paced learning is not as easy as it seems. If you already have a job or you’re studying, it’s hard to fit this goal within your schedule. When you’re committed enough, however, you’ll find a way to compress more goals and responsibilities in a day. That’s called smart time management.

You’ll do that by achieving higher levels of focus. Here are three simple tips to help you with that:

• Use Strict Workflow or StayFocusd to block online distractions. These browser extensions limit your access to social media, Bored Panda, and other websites you don’t need and don’t want while working or studying.
• Get enough sleep! Proper time-management is not about doing as much as possible within a day. It’s about doing things as effectively as possible. There’s a difference. You can be effective at learning only when you have enough energy. Sleep is necessary!
• Do some yoga in the morning. You’ll stretch out your body, but you’ll also relax your mind and you’ll be ready to grab all challenges the day throws at you.

5. Self-Education May Change Your Career Path

So you got an MBA, but you don’t find yourself on that path? You were always interested in psychology and you’re sorry you didn’t get such a degree? Well, you can always learn the things you want to know. You don’t need to go to school for that. You don’t even have to pay for expensive courses; there are tons of resources that help you learn for free.

Once you know enough, you can get a certificate and combine the new interest with your old profession. Business psychology is a very attractive industry nowadays.

Whatever interest you focus on, it can take your career path in a better direction. All it takes is commitment and strong willpower. With that, everything is possible.

Although traditional college and university education is still important, we should never stay limited to it. As a deeply enthusiastic person, you’ll always keep learning. You’ll get tons of benefits along the way, but this is the most important one: you’ll become a more interesting person. The more you know, the more attractive you become.

You’ve read 5 Crucial Results of Self-Education, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

http://ift.tt/2sggreY

You’re reading 4 Amazing Reasons to Live Life like a Beginner, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

There’s something about our world that frowns upon people for being beginners.

Job boards are riddled with entry-level positions asking for 4+ years of experience. No one wants the newbie on their sports team because they suck and won’t help them win. No guy in his right mind would want a virg…wait, that’s probably a bad example…

Anyways, beginners often get a bad rap, and this deters many people from experiencing a lot of awesome things in life.

Even when the backlash isn’t coming from an outside source, we berate ourselves internally for sucking at something new. We say things like, “This is stupid. Why am I doing this?” Then quit before allowing the time to learn and grow from the process.

I’m here to tell you that there is a better way.

Learning to Embrace Life as a Beginner

“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, in the expert’s mind there are few.” – Shunryu Suzuki

There is a concept in Zen Buddhism called Shoshin, which translates to “beginner’s mind”.

Shoshin essentially means checking your ego at the door and leaving it there. It’s dropping preconceptions or beliefs about a topic and approaching things with eagerness, an open mind, and an understanding that there is always more to learn.

This concept doesn’t just pertain to learning new things – it can be applied to everyday life as well. It means becoming more aware and mindful of your actions; not just wondering if you’re doing things right, but enjoying and experiencing them as if it’s your very first time.

This morning for breakfast I ate a spinach omelet with fruit and avocado on the side. I took an extra few minutes to appreciate how amazing it was, and to think of everything it took to make that meal possible.

Stuff literally grew out of the ground, was harvested, packaged, transported, bought by me, then cooked and prepared a special way to end up on my plate. How often do you stop and think exactly how incredible that is?

I felt pretty darn happy today, and I don’t think that’s a coincidence.

4 Reasons Being a Beginner Is Awesome

If we could all embrace the idea of a beginner’s mind, a lot of pain, frustration, and unhappiness could be avoided. There are SO many reasons why this is a good practice to get into. Here are 4 of my favorite…

Reason #1: Less Anxiety

Anxiety is an issue very near and dear to my heart. I struggled with it for years as a kid finishing high school and well into college. I now believe that anxiety is a good thing. Its purpose is to protect us from emerging threats. The problem is that most of those threats aren’t things we experience every day anymore, unlike our ancestors.

Anxiety only gets bad when we let it fester and control our lives. This is usually when people go to extremes to eliminate it all-together, but that’s not the right way to approach it. Instead, we’ve each got to accept anxiety and learn how to cope with it in our own unique ways, and there are many.

Beginner’s mind is one way I’ve found to calm my anxiety in a number of situations. For example, rather than letting it consume me before an important presentation at work, I’ve started embracing the present moment and thinking curiously about how things will turn out. If I do well, then great. If things go bad, well, at least I learned something.

Anxiety rules with fear. Once you take fear out of the equation through a method such as Shoshin, its reign over you doesn’t seem so powerful.

Reason #2: More Fun

Anytime you approach an activity as a beginner with an open mind, you’re going to have more fun. Let’s say you’re just starting out with chess. From the beginner’s standpoint, you relish in the excitement of learning something completely new. If you’re an experienced chess player (with an open mind), then perhaps you’ll discover something fascinating that you never realized before.

It’s important to remember that there are very few actual experts in this world, just people who are slightly better than you. In every field, there is always more to learn.

The best doctors are the ones that keep up with new technology and research. While less-desired doctors stick to their old ways and reject new, likely better procedures or techniques.

If you’re stuck in a mind-numbing routine, you have two options for improving the situation. You can either break out of it to do something totally new, or you can put a different perspective on it and view yourself as a beginner – like a child who is amazed by even the simplest of things. Routine won’t seem so boring then.

Reason #3: Better Sticking Power with Habits

What’s the hardest part about building better habits? Staying with them long enough to make them stick.

One major reason for this is routine. Over time, routine becomes dull or flat-out boring. As we learned from Reason #2, beginner’s mind can make routine fun again, which makes forming habits easier.

Also, getting pissed off and quitting isn’t going to help build habits. Beginner’s mind helps you to “embrace the suck” and find joy in the process.

I listen to Joe Rogan, and he’s been quoting something recently that motivates me in times of frustration – “diamonds are made under pressure.” Beginner’s mind helps alleviate the pressure you feel at any given moment.

Reason #4: More and Higher Quality Friendships

People are complicated, and people are different. We tend to gravitate towards people who share the same values and ideologies as ourselves, but that greatly limits the number of relationships we can form.

If you’re chatting with someone and getting frustrated by their viewpoints, take a moment in your head to stop and change your perspective. Try to see things from their point of view. Instead of dismissing anything or anyone that doesn’t jive with your logic, be open-minded and curious about why they think that way.

You don’t have to change who you are or what you believe in, but you will make many more friends by listening and being accepting of who other people are. Many people have good intentions at heart, even if a little misguided, and sometimes all it takes is one person who understands to change a life.

I personally love Leo Babauta’s take on people who should practice beginner’s mind:

“Nobody likes an asshole. Beginners are the farthest thing from it since they’re open and willing to learn.”

Where to Start?

Hopefully, you’ve been convinced to at least give this beginner’s mind thing a shot. You can start right now, without much effort at all. Simply take a brief moment to notice whatever it is that you’re doing.

Like me for instance…

I’m typing on a keyboard on a laptop that was likely made by a machine hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away based on technology that took years to develop. As I’m sitting here, words are appearing on a screen in sync with the movement of my fingers. If you don’t think that’s amazing, then you’re downright crazy.

After your initial moment of realization, look into becoming more aware in any new or old activity you partake in. I think you’ll be amazed at how beginner’s mind can change your perspective and increase your happiness.

Jason Gutierrez teaches young professionals and entrepreneurs how to build better habits. He writes at themonklife.net about optimizing health, overcoming resistance, and achieving your goals. Sign up for his free newsletter to get practical advice and tips for becoming better, faster, healthier.

You’ve read 4 Amazing Reasons to Live Life like a Beginner, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading Is it Possible to Die from a Broken Heart?, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Falling in love is one of the most beautiful and exciting feelings in the world. We need only to think of our beloved partner and our heart skips a beat. We are full of energy and plans for the future.

Yet what about when the romance dies? What happens to our heart then? Anyone who’s been properly lovesick knows how painful it is to feel so lovelorn, so sad, and so worthless. It seems to us that our loss is too great to bear — the pain is almost too much. Just getting up in the morning, having a shower, and facing the day takes a huge effort of self-will. We have no appetite. It feels as if the sun has sunk below the horizon forever.

We experience feelings of desperation, as if we are about to fall apart, not just emotionally, but physically, too. But can such emotional stress kill us? Is it possible to die of a broken heart?

The answer is: yes, it really is possible. Although it’s very rare. Feelings of grief, protracted sadness after a loved one is gone, and long-term emotional stress can have a huge effect on the physical body. It doesn’t even need to be a drastic, life-changing event to eventually cause us physical harm. Lack of appreciation, bullying, or constant complaining are enough to drive a person into such a gratification crisis, which can have a massively detrimental effect on physical health. The source of the pain may be in the mind, but the pain itself is very real and by no means imaginary.

A condition that was first described relatively recently is interesting in this context: takotsubo cardiomyopathy, which is a stress-related alteration of the muscle of the heart. It’s also known as broken-heart syndrome, transient left-ventricular apical-ballooning syndrome, and stress-induced cardiomyopathy. It occurs predominantly in post-menopausal women following exposure to sudden, unexpected emotional or physical stress. The dysfunction of the heart muscle caused by this syndrome is associated with symptoms — such as acute difficulty breathing and severe chest pain — that are very similar to those of a heart attack. An ECG will often show an ST-segment elevation, which is also a typical sign of a heart attack. Takotsubo cardiomyopathy is also associated with cardiogenic shock, rapid irregular heartbeat, and even ventricular fibrillation. All of these symptoms are immediately life-threatening and must be treated as quickly as possible.

When the patient’s life circumstances improve, the condition usually goes away. As long as they receive immediate and intensive treatment, patients are usually healthy and able to handle stress again within about a month. Only around 1 per cent of cases end fatally.

There are many research projects and theories aimed at explaining the cause of broken-heart syndrome. But no matter how successful the scientific research is, there’s one thing it will never be able to do: ease the pain of the broken-hearted. When we are really lovesick, no doctor in the world can take away those terrible feelings. The only thing that might help a little is the support of good friends, who can offer a shoulder to cry on. And remembering that time is a great healer.

Wallowing in lovesick self-pity is often seen as a weakness, but this is an attitude I don’t share. What could be greater proof of a person’s humanity than to be moved to the core by feelings of love? Or the loss of it?

Johannes Hinrich von Borstel is a paramedic, cardiologist-in-training, and one of the best Science Slammers in Germany. He is the author of Heart: The Inside Story of Our Body’s Most Heroic Organ, a lively and informative exploration of all aspects of the heart, coming June 2017 from Greystone Books. Here, he draws from his new book to reveal the fascinating science behind “Broken Heart Syndrome.” As it turns out, it really is possible to die of a broken heart.

Excerpted from Heart: The Inside Story of Our Body’s Most Heroic Organ by Johannes Hinrich von Borstel, published June 2017 by Greystone Books. Reproduced and adapted with permission from the publisher.

You’ve read Is it Possible to Die from a Broken Heart?, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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