You’re reading The Road doesn’t go anywhere! How To Form Habits That Are Crucial For Long Term Self-Improvement, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

To understand success, you need to know first that there is no road towards success. Ever saw a road moving? Probably not, as it’s the cars, trucks, bicycles and the pedestrians who move on it. The road is just a platform on which everything already is standing still, it’s the power to move that gets things going and make things reach point B from A. Similarly, everyone knows what success is and how to get there but the biggest differentiation comes in the form of the habits you are slave to.

We have all heard of great stories of failure and how people overcame them to become utterly successful but it’s not about how much you fail or how you don’t give up after failing as it’s not about willpower, motivation, inspiration or anything else. A habit of doing something keeps you going on no matter if failures or dead ends come your way. Your habits make you push your way through. But rarely do we incorporate new and better habits into our self as we have a bad propensity to follow whatever habits we made by accident, pure chance or its just who we are. To push forwards towards success, you need habits, good ones and great ones both and forming them might be immensely difficult but don’t worry there is structured way to inculcate them gradually in your life.

Grow rich slowly:

To first form any great habit you must let go of one that destroys them all. The habit of instant gratification is your biggest enemy when it comes to doing something great. When we want fast rewards, we cannot settle down, work hard and commit ourselves towards things which take time. Growing rich overnight is a myth. It takes years of determination and perseverance to achieve something worthwhile. Nor was Rome built in a day neither did Facebook become the biggest social networking site overnight.

Rome was great so is Facebook, but building them took time and steady work. So to first incorporate any new great habit, let go of the worst ever habit you can ever have i.e. wanting instant results from anything you do, if you don’t, you’ll start everything with unmatched zeal and passion only to fizzle out very soon and never come back to pick up that habit ever again.

For e.g. you want to make regular exercise as part of your habits in order to get a great body and you hit the gym with passion pumping iron, but in a month, you look at the mirror and barely see any noticeable difference and you stop doing it. Your dream of getting a great body lay shattered and you remain demotivated to take up regular exercise as a habit ever again. Never opt for instant results.

Be Realistic:

Strong habits bring even stronger results but one of the biggest problems is over-committing to your habit because you have set unrealistic expectations as to the results you want. Surely you would want to earn $100K from your writing blog every month and you are willing to put in all the effort to give as much time as possible towards the habit of writing great stuff. You write and write, but setting such an expectation from the result at just the start is asking for too much from your end. The chances of earning that amount of money in a few months are increasingly remote.

Earning $100K from your blog is achievable but for e.g. it takes a year and your effort needs to be phased out. Don’t try to push a year’s work in just two months, you will undermine you creativity and suffer from burn out by heading this way and your blog will suffer eventually, fizzling out before it even got going. Set realistic time frames and expectations to not only get the best results but to make sure that the habit, for e.g. writing, stays with you for life.

Free up your time:

For doing something new, we need time for it. But before you pick up a new habit and settle it in a particular time frame, make sure that the work you previously did in that time frame is taken care off by someone else or you are ready to forfeit it, otherwise you’ll be stuck with cramming another habit within your already limited daily time schedule.

For e.g. you want to take up designing apps as a new habit or want to incorporate meditating as daily habit once you come home from work, but you are taking care of your aging parents in that time frame and if you pick up the new habit, either your parents would suffer due to your absence or you have to do things for them in a shorter time now. In either case, you’ll be left flabbergasted and exhausted at the amount of work you need to do, leaving you incapable of following your habit diligently because you lack the necessary peace of mind.

To incorporate a new habit, make sure that you have ample free time towards pursuing it like either you shift your parents to your sibling’s home or get elderly home care services, so that there is nothing bothering you when you take up the new habit.

Good habits are important and everyone knows that but where we lack the most is the mindset needed to keep them for so long that they become second nature. Ensure that you not just aspire to have good habits but are taking necessary steps to plan their way in into your life.

You’ve read The Road doesn’t go anywhere! How To Form Habits That Are Crucial For Long Term Self-Improvement, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading Introverts: How to Trump Over Our Social Anxiety, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

“Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.” Albert Camus

Not too long ago, I was assigned to lead a fairly large project at work. It involved heavy interactions with various departments, endless meetings, lots of brainstorming exercises, and more importantly—a need for a skillful and charismatic leader, who can build a good rapport with all types of groups and individuals.

For many—especially extroverts—this opportunity will present an outright prospect to shine in the spotlight—a harbinger of future successes and recognition, and possibly a solid step toward the pinnacle of one’s career. Of course, it doesn’t mean—we all know this—that an introvert is not going to be up for the challenge, nor that we can’t excel or exhibit preeminent managerial skills and talents. We are equally suited for the job, but such a high-visibility position comes with some acute preparation. It will simply require more mental priming and longer time spent in our “restorative niches,” thus— making our quiet times outside of work a precious gem, worth savoring.

But when we add another nuance to the situation above—if that introvert is also shy and suffers from social anxiety, things shift in a rather different perspective. Frequently, the ostensibly incompatible combination of introversion, shyness/ anxiety, and exemplar leadership can easily be foreseen as a recipe for a disaster.

It’s a well established fact that not all introverts are shy, nor are they socially anxious. Although these states may be closely linked, they are distinct. But research also tells us that introverts are, on average, more likely to be shy than extroverts.
The dynamics of the affair between introversion and shyness tend to exhibit a downward spiraling effect. That is, if one is shy and introvert, introversion intensifies our feelings of shyness, which—in turn—may lead to a further walk down the rabbit hole of social aversion and more acute craving of alone-time.

Admittedly, in work settings, the combination is inherently unwelcome, as it often reveals a poignant tale of self-dissatisfaction and perceived unworthiness. For all who are introverts and suffer from social anxiety, it appears that we are at a serious disadvantage professionally and socially—one that may be very challenging to remedy.Or, as one may bluntly state the prevalent stance in this situation—“we are doomed.”

Well, contrary to such stereotypical thinking we often get tangled in, losing our safety net and venturing in new foreign lands—especially ones that we have been conditioned to believe we’ll never belong to—is indeed frightening, but has the potential to make us more—more fulfilled, more resilient, more daring.

Here’s what I have found to work for me—to help distance oneself from social uneasiness, so that we can gain from our introvert powers instead.
• Focus on the issue at hand first, not on the people—I know, I know. Being solely task-oriented goes completely against what we’ve been taught to believe over and over— about the value of networking and about the importance of paying close attention to people, this may not always be the right initial approach if we are to ease our social anxiety.

Focusing on the task or the result can help divert our thoughts from worrying about the impression we think we are making on others. On the other hand—we will appear more driven, focused and efficient.

In the long run, an accomplished leader will need to master both skills and sides—people and tasks. But as many introverts can attest, we often need some extra time to warm up to others. So, in the interim state of becoming comfortable enough with a group, establishing competence may just be the better approach.

• Don’t pretend that you are invisible…because you are really not (unless you own Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak, of course). Shyness can often make us want to claim a quiet nook in the room and stay in the shadows, where we can observe rather than engage. Naturally, such a passive-defensive approach is barely a winning career strategy.

Rather than playing invisible, if we are socially bashful, the smarter approach is to unfold gradually, at a pace we feel comfortable with, starting with just a few comments at every meeting. A phased strategy will help us slowly improve on our shyness, as we grow more familiar with others, but it will also let us leverage our strengths as introverts—as discussions in small groups are our forte, our chance to shine, to be heard.

Letting it all slip away—by fussing about our lack of extroverted-type eloquence and enthusiasm—will simply be a missed opportunity to claim out spot at the table—not only as quiet leaders, but also, as individuals who can raise above the ingrained (but sometimes just perceived) setbacks of their temperaments.

• Ask questions—Form the years of experience I’ve had in the corporate world, I have grasped a major observation. Asking questions doesn’t make us appear less knowledgeable, slow at grasping ideas, or not clever enough. On the contrary, research tells us that asking questions is a highly constructive undertaking, it shows inquisitiveness, a desire to understand, to learn more, so one can be more helpful.

However, high social sensitivity may often prevent us from fully and effectively engaging with others, and of exploring a matter in depth to find a better solution.

Advanced preparation comes quite handy here. If you are the leader, draft a list of discussion points, be ready to address any questions, and exercise some assertiveness when someone tries to hijack the conversion.

Having a pre-defined script will make it easier to overcome our anxieties. Admittedly, asking questions will put us in the spotlight—but in the right way, where we, once again, will have an opportunity to draw from our introvert strengths of reasoning, analytical thinking and shrewd decision-making.

• Get Excited—We may be reluctant to admit it, but we all have a certain degree of vanity. When we speak, especially in a small group, people usually pay attention.

No matter how horrifying the idea may be, it’s possible to enjoy the Broadway-type of moment when our quiet powers become more visible, as it may also present a great opportunity to earn us the respect and recognition many of us deserve in our extrovert-dominant world.

The trick is to not let the inner hurricane of negative thinking and anxiety (“What if they are secretly laughing at me? Do I sound reliable enough? Do I project enough confidence? Do I have something between my teeth?” etc.) self-escalate to a point that it tints our credibility.

One way to reign in those rebellious butterflies in our stomach is to reframe our anxiety, as Prof. Alison Wood Brooks of Harvard University tells us. Instead of trying to calm down ahead of stressful and high-visibility events, we should feel excited. Adopting an “opportunity mind-set” (vs a threat mind-set), can improve our performance. It’s really simple too—it entails some straightforward self-talk (“I’m excited”) or encouraging messages (“Get excited”).

Therefore, it appears that trying to cool down—a strategy we’ve been prescribed for years—may not be the “cool thing” to do after all, when it comes to controlling our anxiety.

• Finally, even if things don’t work out the way we anticipate, we shouldn’t beat ourselves up too hard. Rather, embrace the mantra by Scarlett O’Hare from “Gone with the Wind:” “After all, tomorrow is another day.”

No matter what, we are still the heroes of our life stories. Some recent discoveries in social psychology reveal that we can choose to edit these stories and to craft more meaningful and purposeful messages.

It’s up to us to decide how to build the setbacks, the failures and the unfavorable experiences into our life narratives—as “learning” and “experience-gathering” episodes, or as markers of our inability to win over our anxiety and to have successful careers. Some re-framing, or “story prompting,” has been shown to produce some rather incredible outcomes.
Because ultimately, our stories are not just tales we tell ourselves and believe about our personalities. They are our personalities. What we assume about ourselves, will eventually guide our behavior. And who we elect to become depends largely on the scripts we ourselves let to be written in the stories.

To again address the question I posited in the beginning—are we really predestined career-wise (and personally too) if we are introverted and are shy too? Of course not. Sometimes, we just need a bit of time to become comfortable with new people, tasks or situations. Other times, we may have simply been missing the proper tools and aids that can enable us to move forward and succeed.

But we are not to be bound by the society’s stereotypes for success. Even if we believe in the invariability of our innate personality traits, we can still opt to become more courageous and demand to have our voice heard.

It may be scary at first—true, it may feel uncomfortable for a while, but in retrospect—it would have been worth it.

The famous poem by Erin Hanson eloquently sums it up:

“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask “What if I fall?”
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?”

Evelyn Marinoff is a Canadian, currently living in Dublin, Ireland. She is a social introvert, a mother, an MBA, a passionate reader and a writer in the making. She holds a degree in Finance and Marketing, but spends her free time reading, writing and researching new and intriguing ideas in psychology, leadership, well-being and self-improvement. On her blog mind-chatters.com, she writes daily tips and pieces on self-enhancement. You can also find her on Twitter at @Evelyn_Marinoff.

You’ve read Introverts: How to Trump Over Our Social Anxiety, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading The Myth About Writer’s Block and How to Get Through It, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

We’ve all heard the term before. Writer’s block is a common, and often overly used, reason people give up on writing. Now, before you get upset and accuse me of blasphemy, let me explain. Writer’s block is a real thing and a real concern for writers. I’ve been there many times myself. It’s also very frustrating to be stuck in any creative process, such as writing.

However, it’s important to understand the difference between writer’s block and procrastination. So, let’s take a closer look, shall we? Writer’s block is defined as “the condition of being unable to think of what to write or how to proceed with writing”. More generally it means that you just can’t come up with something to write about in that moment.

The shift from writer’s block to procrastination happens when you use that block to stop completely or push back your writing for months, or even years. And that’s just nonsense! Nor should it be the result of writer’s block. When you go to this place, what you’ve fallen into is procrastination. And that’s mindset that is extremely hard to get out of.

Now, before I go on, I will be 100% honest in admitting that I’ve used writer’s block as an excuse before and I’ve also stopped writing for more than a year because it felt too overwhelming to start back up once I stopped. I let too much time pass with the excuse of writer’s block. What I’ve learned from my times of extended lapses in writing is that I did something then that I’m now dedicated to not doing anymore.

I gave up.

Writer’s block leads to procrastination, which leads to overwhelm, which leads to stopping completely.

So how do you know if you’re dealing with writer’s block and not procrastination? It’s simple. Writer’s block shouldn’t last more than a few hours, truly. Beyond that, you’re just making excuses as to why you can’t write. And it’s not because you can’t, but because you don’t want to. Instead, when you get a block, it’s time to walk away for a while. Think about something else, do something else, and don’t think about what you’re writing, at all.

Here are some great ways to work through writer’s block. Keep in mind these only take an hour or two (max), and then it’s time to get back to writing. Don’t go home and start another Netflix binge (yes, I’ve done that too).

• Take a walk outside: Removing yourself from your writing environment shifts your mindset from that feeling of being stuck. Move your body, breath the fresh air, meet up with a friend. You’ll be surprised what can come from a change of environment.
• Call a friend: If you don’t want to go outside, or the weather doesn’t allow it, make a phone call to someone who you can talk openly with. You can vent your frustrations to them, or even bounce ideas off of them. Maybe they will even give you some ideas that you hadn’t thought of. Or it could be just a fun chat with a friend to get your mind off your writing.
• Meditate: This is such a simple practice but probably the most powerful. If you haven’t tried meditation before, I recommend you start today — writer’s block or not. Meditation clears your mind from all the clutter moving around in there and allows you to go within. When you can sit quietly and focus on your breath, you clear space for something new and creative. It’s amazing what ideas will come in.

Remember that writer’s block is something every writer goes through. And for most writers, it’s a regular occurrence. But what separates the writers who complete their projects and books, versus those who don’t, is that the former knows how to work through writer’s block. They know how to focus. They have a routine in place. They know their own struggles and setbacks with their writing, and they know how to get unstuck when a block comes.

So, next time you feel like making an excuse for why you can’t write – stop and think. Is it truly writer’s block, or are you procrastinating because you just don’t feel like writing? If it’s writer’s block, try one of the above-mentioned techniques to get unstuck and see how they work for you.

Procrastination is an evil gremlin if you let it be. Don’t let it control you. YOU have the control. And the more you claim this, the easier it gets to stop procrastinating and get focused. Don’t be hard on yourself through this practice. And remember that perfection isn’t the goal here. Improvement is. Improve your procrastination and writer’s block at the same time and watch your creativity flow.

I hope this helps you on your writing journey. Being a writer certainly isn’t easy and it definitely takes A LOT of dedication and discipline. But don’t let yourself be among the many who give up half way because you think you’ve run out of ideas. Fight through it. Honor the struggle and embrace your writing journey.

But most of all, have fun with it!

Alysia Seymour is a writer and self-published author of The Raven Dreams. She creates content to inspire people to wonder deeply and dream greatly and how to bring dreams to reality.

You’ve read The Myth About Writer’s Block and How to Get Through It, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading 4 Easy Tips to Cultivate Calmness, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

The ability to cultivate a sense of inner calm is an important factor when it comes to coping with anxiety. Anxiety, often times, creates physical side effects on one’s health, and the cultivation of calmness and relaxation in both body and mind can serve as a form of release from mental anxiety. Minute changes in your lifestyle and habits can bring unanticipated, positive effects on your wellbeing as a whole. Here are a few easy tips on how you can instill calmness in your daily life.

Develop a calm morning routine, instead of falling prey to a stress-induced morning rush.

A morning ritual can instill a sense of calmness into your life and set the stage for a more relaxing, less anxious day. Although many individuals start off their day in a mental and physical rush, this fast-paced environment is more prone to increased stress levels. It may be helpful to plan out your day the night before, simply by setting aside a few minutes to write down a to-do list or reminders to your future self.

Developing a morning ritual does not have to take up a lot of time; rather, it can be a relaxing exercise to jot down things to remind yourself of doing. It is also helpful to sleep early and set up multiple alarms, so you will not worry about sleeping through only one alarm. Preparing the night before for a potentially stressful day can also evoke peace of mind; for example, you can meal prep for the week during the weekends when you have time, or you can plan out your week’s work, so you do not have to plan as you go. Although this is not necessarily a morning routine, getting into the habit of doing things can exponentially reduce your anxiety and allow you to lead a less rushed life.

Pay attention to how you react to a stressful event or individual.

Self-awareness is key when it comes to handling your anxiety. Often times, our body reacts harshly to stressful situations or even individuals. Although you can never completely avoid stressful situations in your daily life, it is helpful to recognize whenever those events occur, and do your best to prepare on how to cope with them. You might not necessarily be able to control your reaction to an event, but being aware of a potential stressful situation and recognizing the scope of your reaction to it can improve your anxiety in the long run.

Paying attention to your reactions can also help you come up with a plan in case your anxiety might get triggered by certain situations. There are different kinds of triggers in our daily lives — it can be a natural or invisible trigger. For example, a natural trigger can be a stressful workplace situation that you can not necessarily avoid, but an invisible trigger can be if you’ve had too much time to dwell on a concern. Being aware of these natural and invisible triggers are helpful, and you can figure out more effective coping mechanisms.

Develop an attitude for gratitude, and be thankful for the little things in life.

Maintaining positive thoughts, although at times a difficult task, can ultimately be helpful for your anxiety. In order to develop an attitude for gratitude, you don’t have to spend a lot of time dwelling on aspects of your life you are thankful for. In fact, you can spend a few minutes of your day jotting down thoughts of gratitude towards a certain situation, individual, or even natural occurrence.

Many frequent journal-ers have a gratitude notebook to help them put life in perspective, and although this might not directly target your anxiety, journaling can have calming effects on your mind and body. Simply listing down what you are thankful for can evoke a strong sense of gratitude and peace of mind; you don’t have to dedicate a specific allotted time each day to write what you are thankful for — instead, you can list things out as the day progresses, and find that this exercise can also keep your mind healthily occupied as well as boost your mood.

Instead of multitasking, dedicate your mental and physical energy to completing one task at a time.

Although multitasking is often praised in our fast-moving society and workplace, dedicating your energy to a single task at hand is also useful, especially when it comes to managing your anxiety. If you often try to multitask and find yourself overwhelmed at the work you have to do, this could exacerbate your stress levels and be a trigger when you attempt to accomplish them.

Multitasking, although it seems like a relatively normal skill, can be stressful at times, and on days where you are feeling especially stress-induced, it is important to slow things down and take one task at a time, especially in the workplace. Creating a list of things you have to do can also release your stress, as you can cross off each task you have accomplished when you have completed them.

About the Author of this Post
Terry Nguyen writes articles and blogs for Red Cup Agency. Her other writings about health can be found on the Getting Past Anxiety Facebook page. To experience one woman’s journey through anxiety and how she gets past it without medication, check out Melissa A. Woods’ novel Getting Past Anxiety.

You’ve read 4 Easy Tips to Cultivate Calmness, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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