The village of Holcomb stands on the high wheat plains of western Kansas, a lonesome area that other Kansans call “out there.
Motivation
How to Beat Your Fear of People and Win a Sparkling Clear Mind
You’re reading How to Beat Your Fear of People and Win a Sparkling Clear Mind, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
Darn it! I humiliated myself in public.
And blew it.
…Again.
I was standing literally right under the basketball hoop, completely wide open. And rather than shoot the ball, I turned around, dribbled out, and passed to a teammate.
My team exploded with frustration on the sidelines.
One of the most crushing moments of my life. I felt embarrassed beyond all belief. And I wanted nothing more than to escape from the gym, crawl in a hole, and die.
I shudder and still feel anxious and embarrassed when I think about that moment. Definitely a low point.
Why would I make such a decision? Why would I turn down a shot with a 95% chance of success?
And this, even though I had done quite well in basketball in the past. It was a routine play – even for me.
That happened 7 years ago. I was around 27 then. And I’m 34 today. But now, I’m happily married for 7 years (Bekah would tell you), own a house, love my work, and wake up excited to start the new day.
Nothing Destroys Your Ability To Think Clearly More Than Addiction
Absolutely nothing.
I can tell you from firsthand experience.
Compound this with social anxiety disorder (social phobia), an extreme fear of people and “failing” in public, and my mind was a muddled mess.
My addiction intensified my social anxiety disorder by 100 times. And my social anxiety made it overwhelmingly difficult to open up to others and share what’s really going on with me.
Both fed off each other, creating a vicious downward cycle that only got worse.
Simple tasks, like calling customer service, telling my wife why I was angry or afraid, or even driving, looked nearly impossible.
How’d I Become a Social Phobic and Addict?
Keeping it short, I was always intensely anxious around people. I distinctly remember clinging to my father’s leg in fear, my face red with embarrassment, when some adults suggested I join some kids I didn’t know in a different room at a friend’s birthday party.
Scary stuff for me at that age (4 or so).
I also grew up in a home with emotionally unavailable parents. My father was an alcoholic. Mom was raging with anger because she was so depressed about it (although she’s never realized it).
So, my dad was physically present. But, that’s it. His mind was elsewhere, unable to pay attention to my needs. Perpetually angry about something, my mom was mentally lost also.
And me? Well, I was forgotten. So, I grew up with intense feelings of shame about myself. I felt guilty because mostly negative emotions like anger and criticism came at me. And I felt lonely and afraid because I never really told anyone how I felt about, well, anything.
So, I lived my young life entirely inside my own mind. Occasionally, I tried to reach out and break the isolation. But, I couldn’t consistently do so in a meaningful way that allowed me to connect with anyone else (parents, friends, teachers, or other authority figures).
I’d told a few friends about these issues. They’re response: ”Well, crap.”
They didn’t know what to do. They wanted to help. But, they had no idea how.
I don’t hold any animosity toward them. It just speaks to the powerfully confounding nature of social anxiety and addiction.
My Mind Overflowed with Self-Destructive Noise
The social anxiety was present. The fear built from ages 4-10. My first check-out from reality was actually in video games. I’d play those alone for hours. And it was hard to pull myself away.
That, of course, intensified the fear of people. I wasn’t learning to have healthy relationships with others. I learned to keep everything inside.
Around 12-14, my addiction took off. I discovered it through my friends. And then I turned to my addiction more and more on my own when I learned how to access it myself.
If you’re not an addict, addictions only destroy. I gradually became increasingly obsessed with finding more ways to spend additional time on my addiction. I fantasized about it most of the day. And since I was so consumed with it, I never once thought of how I could connect with and help others.
The addiction shot my self-esteem through the floor and my social anxiety through the roof. Working together, video games, the addiction, and social anxiety ran my mind 24/7.
Real life, like paying attention at school, doing my best in sports, was an interruption to my private fantasy world.
When I wasn’t consumed with one of those, I was caught up in some extremely unrealistic emotion. I believed anyone who merely looked at me in a way I didn’t like had a passionate hatred of me.
Or, I focused on how much I hated myself. And in other cases, I figured people would simply disapprove, so I was afraid.
Talk about a noisy mess!
I still managed to pull good grades through all this. So, intellectually I somehow did fine.
But I likely never came close to my full potential.
My mind was neither here nor there. It was everywhere but in the present.
In high school, I earned a reputation for being crazy. I was out-of-control with alcohol, a totally different person than the shy, anxious individual people saw during the day.
Shocking. But also entertaining. I may have been the most popular person in high school.
But I hated myself. I couldn’t stand me. Ick!
This Horrific Pattern Continued for Decades…What Changed?
As far as most people go, I became aware of my issues early. At 19, I had self-diagnosed as an addict and a social phobic.
So, I went to recovery meetings at that age.
But, it wasn’t happily ever after. It took me about a decade before I managed two years of sobriety.
And then I lost it again.
Today, I have nearly 3 years of sobriety and am going strong.
What changed?
I finally learned to prioritize self-growth over all else. For me, I’d battle with workaholism and material success in favor of personal growth.
You can get away with that. But only for a while. If you don’t put your recovery first after some point in time, your addiction takes over and forces you to relapse and act on it.
That’s what it means to be an addict.
Some people can simply stop certain behaviors. But addicts eventually lose all power and control to stop themselves from acting on their addictive behaviors if they don’t work a thorough recovery program ahead of all else.
I couldn’t get that perspective at the time, though. Relapsing was still my responsibility. But, I chose a bad thing and acted on my addiction.
Fortunately, it didn’t cost me my house, job, or marriage. But it was emotionally devastating.
Remember all those feelings of shame, guilt, and fear of people I grew up with?
They came back with 100 times more intensity…with just a single decision. Yeah. Again.
Think social anxiety’s painfully awful? Addiction makes it a nightmare you can’t wake up from. And no one else can get you out.
Life was so awful I slowly decided it was time to grow up. But only one day at a time.
I had rolled around in my addiction for nearly two decades. So, despite the fact it was dreadfully painful, it was familiar. Acting on it didn’t seem so bad.
However, with a clearer mind today, it certainly looks like a foolish decision.
What Changed Everything
This time around, I decided to prioritize growth at all costs. Even ahead of work and my wife.
That included overcoming both the social anxiety and addiction.
You can’t do just one or the other and expect to stay sober. Intense anxiety triggers your addiction. That doesn’t guarantee a relapse. But it does make one more likely.
So, inch-by-inch, I decided to take new actions that would change my thinking.
Something’s painful to talk about? Too bad. I did it anyway. Otherwise, I’d feel my addiction prepping to take control again.
The person on the other end of the phone was giving me crap? I had to stand up for myself – even though I didn’t feel worth it.
My mind would still feel anxious about other people or future events. Instead of letting it swirl in my head and gain power, I had to talk about it with my wife or someone in the program.
Someone disagrees? Again, I stated my side of the issue, but without being angry.
A person at work wasn’t following through on their side of the relationship? I had to approach them and clarify the issue.
Did I say something rude or nasty? I had to walk up to that person and say I was sorry and where I was wrong.
Was I getting amped up and ready to work a long day? I had to cut myself off and just sit down and relax (super difficult for me).
Was I afraid to take the shot? This time I had to do it, and live with the outcome, good or bad.
In addition, I also had to:
• Prioritize serving others ahead of doing anything for myself
• Constantly look at my role in interpersonal conflict and see what I could do differently to make that relationship as healthy as possible
• Quickly forgive others for the wrongs they caused me
• Make amends for harms done years ago during my active addiction
• Learn to “let go” in life instead of taking control, which I often try to do through workaholism
• Cease all other unhealthy behaviors, like working too long and playing video games
Painful? Shocking?
You bet.
This stuff was completely new to me. I had to repeat it daily for a couple years.
But it worked.
My Mind Today Is a Peaceful Haven I Love To Go To
Today, my mind is an awesome place to be. However, I still have to be careful because sometimes my addiction and social anxiety flare up. Sometimes, it’s not clear why. If I’m not sure about a particular thought or action, I simply run it by my wife and some people in the recovery program I trust to give a realistic perspective.
I like being in my mind in a healthy way. It no longer tells me how worthless I am. Instead, it focuses on what’s good about life, even though I have difficult financial circumstances.
I generally think positively about others. I can’t wait to talk to most people. My sense of humor has returned. And I intuitively know how to handle situations that used to absolutely confound me.
My wife regularly says, in a positive way,”Who are you and what have you done with my husband?”
I love running my web-based business. It’s fun and challenging. And I make better decisions than ever.
I’m highly involved in the community. People respect me. Others value my advice.
I still have social anxiety and fear of people. And the addiction pokes and prods too.
But neither master my life. Both used to create overwhelming feelings so intense they made Mt. Everest look small and unintimidating.
Now, they cause unpleasant feelings from time-to-time. But I just look at those and let them pass by.
No big deal, really.
I’m not a perfect person or stoic sage.
But clear-headed?
You bet.
Love this? You’ll also enjoy this free, 11-part email series that boosts your confidence, happiness, serenity, connection, and clarity: 11 Breakthrough (And Proven) Strategies to Keep You Forever Free from Social Anxiety
You’ve read How to Beat Your Fear of People and Win a Sparkling Clear Mind, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
April 13th
If you have the words, there’s always a chance that you’ll find the way.
7 Steps To Make “Uncomfortable” Your Long-Term Companion
You’re reading 7 Steps To Make “Uncomfortable” Your Long-Term Companion, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. So if you’re feeling uncomfortable right now, know that the change taking place in our life is a beginning, not an ending.” Neale Donald Walsch.
Do you know that uncomfortable feeling when you step outside your comfort zone? It’s those moments you put yourself “out there” for pushing yourself but still feel anxious, embarrassed, or just plain old awkward. As a child, it may have happened when you jumped on a bicycle for the first time without training wheels. But later in on life it happens when you stand up in front of an audience to speak for the first time. Or in your job, you put yourself into a position of leadership or risk. Most of us may hate feeling uncomfortable. But we sometimes struggle through it, because of the results that help us grow.
Our travels to outside the comfort zone
Throughout our lives, we routinely step outside our comfort zones. It happens when we start a new job, move to a new place that is unfamiliar, face a major life shift like birth or death, start a business, or push ourselves to more fully evolve into our career. Stepping outside our comfort zone also happens when we decide to take a bold step forward to push ourselves either mentally, emotionally, or physically to a place that both frightens and excites us at the same time.
But whether we like it or not, a close companion to stepping outside our comfort zone is a heavy feeling of uncomfortable. The tricky part is sometimes not just how to step outside your comfort zone but how to stay in that zone.
7 steps to make feeling uncomfortable work for you
So if we know that feeling uncomfortable is simply a part of stepping outside our comfort zone and a necessary part of growing personally and professionally, how can we endure it? Or could we even embrace it?
Here are 7 steps to help you make that step outside your comfort zone.
Step 1: Acknowledge the discomfort. Instead of avoiding the feeling, sit with it. Write about it or even talk about this with someone you trust. Allow yourself to feel these feelings. It is an essential first step to helping you process.
Step 2: Identify the cause of your discomfort. When you step outside your comfort zone, it is easy to over-generalize and amplify the problem. You might think, “I shouldn’t have taken that step out of my comfort zone.” But instead you can say, “When I stepped outside my comfort zone, I felt afraid that people would laugh at me.” By uncovering the concern that is causing your discomfort, you can help weaken its power over you.
Step 3: Confront your fear. Very often, when we step outside our comfort zone and feel uncomfortable, it is because of fear. Facing our fear and putting it in its place you can help minimize the fear itself. Remember, it is perfectly fine to feel fear. But remember it is a fear-not necessarily a truth. But when truly we face our true fears we can understand they are not necessarily realities.
Step 4: Quiet your mind. Once you have processed your feelings, step away for a time and let perspective set in. Often, we try to think our way out of feeling uncomfortable. I have personally found it helpful to give my brain a little break. It allows my intuition to help me figure out which direction I want to go.
Step 5: Make failure an option. What if you gave yourself a “pass” if you failed? What if you treated failure as part of the process? Giving yourself a break and pull the pressure off. I routinely rely on a standard phrase, “the most successful people have failed the most.” Failure can be our best education for success.
Step 6: Adopt self-care strategies. When you put yourself in an uncomfortable space, it can be exhausting. Your brain is not on automatic pilot and you are in unfamiliar territory. Find ways to take care of yourself while you are willing to sit with being uncomfortable. Lean on friends more. Give yourself space to regroup. Know that you are pushing yourself and you need some extra attention.
Step 7: Remember being uncomfortable has been your companion before.
Can you remember a period of personal growth where you were uncomfortable but were able to achieve something for yourself? Use that experience as a way to move forward.
There is real value in facing that feeling of being uncomfortable because moving through it – rather than avoiding it – can help you grow.
By living with the uncomfortable, you can accept your circumstances more whatever they may be. You are also more likely to take more risks, accept failure with more grace, push yourself further. And maybe just maybe, you can feel a little less uncomfortable with stepping outside your comfort zone.
Attention Pick the Brain Readers!
Do you want to wake up feeling more fresh, calm, and ready to take on the day? If so then grab a copy of this free guide: 8 Steps to Create a Morning Routine That Gives You More Time, Productivity, & Peace.
Danielle is a certified coach focused on career and lifestyle issues. She runs her blog Time for You helping high achieving professionals find ways to take a bold step forward while maintaining work-life balance.
You’ve read 7 Steps To Make “Uncomfortable” Your Long-Term Companion, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
3 Sure-Fire Ways To Power Up Your Willpower
“I am super clear on what I want to accomplish” said Karen, a recent student of ours who was just entering her senior year, “but the more I try to get things done, the less often I seem to succeed.”
Karen went on to share – in front of the whole class of 475 undergrads no less — that she was trying to exercise more often, meditate daily, and eat more healthily.
“I know that these things are all good for me. I know that I would be happier if I could make them a part of my life. I have the best intentions, but then I find myself up late, surfing the net, and eating Ben & Jerry’s right out of the container. I have to say that it is super frustrating”.
Karen was at the end of her rope. She also wasn’t alone.
Every semester we begin our class on willpower asking our 475 students a simple question: “Who wishes that they had more willpower?”
Nearly all of them raise their hands – some of them raise both – hardly a surprise seeing that studies have found that a vast majority of us would raise ours also.
Whether it is something that we want to stop (i.e. eating junk food, impulse shopping, or texting our ex) or a habit that we want to develop (i.e. regular exercise, better study habits, or staying in closer contact with friends), we are all striving for something, and like Karen…failing miserably.
So, is there an answer to this age old cycle of wanting an end result but falling off the wagon that will take you there? It turns out, there is something, though not magical, that will unlock the door to your goals. That key?
Willpower.
Learn 3 sure-fire ways to power up your willpower.
Stanford psychologist Kelly McGonigal defines willpower as “the ability to do what matters most, even when it’s difficult or when some part of you doesn’t want to.” If this sounds familiar, it’s because — believe it or not – you have it.
Yes, you do.
Have you ever hit the books or gone to work when Netflix was singing her siren song of a newly downloaded season of television awesomeness? Willpower.
Have you hit the sack when you knew that a new tweet or Facebook post was just a click away? Willpower.
Woken up early (gasp)…to exercise (double gasp)? Chosen eggs over waffles? Willpower and willpower.
Done any number of things because you knew they were “right” rather than “fun”? You know what’s coming…willpower.
Willpower is so essential to thriving that kids who display it early in life go on to realize higher GPAs, better salaries, happier relationships, lower rates of divorce, and significantly lower body mass index (a key indicator of physical fitness).
They grow up to be more resilient, more confident, and even deal more effectively with stress.
Now this is all well and good if you were that kid who said no to dessert and chose to do your homework before going outside to play. But what about the 70% of us who couldn’t help but sneak the cookie or stay out past curfew?
Are we destined to spend the rest of our days eating the dust of our more self-regulated contemporaries? Are we doomed to lower salaries, less confidence and happiness, and a virtual carousel of failed relationships?
Fortunately, there is hope for all of us. The secrets and strategies for success are not hard to crack and even easier to make on your own.
The first step in achieving willpower is to understand what you have to work with. It’s pretty tough to cook a meal without knowing your ingredients after all.
Speaking of ingredients, let’s talk about cookies. Yes…cookies. Chocolate chip, to be exact.
Actually, cookies and radishes, because this is what greeted participants in a study at Florida State University, where social psychologist Roy Baumeister and his colleagues would lift the hood and begin to understand how willpower works.
Upon entering the room, the study participants were hit by the tantalizing aroma of fresh chocolate chip cookies heaped on plates that were placed on every table in sight.
The students were divided into two groups. One group was told the cookies were all theirs: Eat ’em, smell ’em, throw ’em like Frisbees, hang ’em on the wall like art, rub ’em all over your body (okay, we made up those last three, but you get the idea). It was a cookie fest!
Except…how come there were bowls of radishes in equal abundance? The other group was told they were out of luck if they wanted any cookies. It was radishes or nothing for them.
After just five minutes to savor (or suffer), the researchers switched gears, thanked everyone, and informed both groups that it was time to move on to a different study.
Removing the food from the room, they handed out a book of math puzzles to all participants and asked them to begin solving them.
Just hang with me…this will all tie together.
What they did not tell them—and here is where things really get interesting—was that the puzzles were unsolvable.
How many minutes would you work at a puzzle before giving up?
The radish group gave up in just eight minutes.
The cookie eaters? They persisted for nineteen. That’s right, nineteen. The cookie eaters worked more than twice as long before they gave up on the puzzle.
Allow us to put that more precisely:
Radish eaters: 8.35 minutes until giving up
Cookie eaters: 18.90 minutes until giving up
What…just…happened?
It turns out that willpower is a muscle that tires with use.
Whether you are resisting cookies, Facebook, a glass of wine or texting your ex, the more you use it, the weaker it gets, until it’s all but gone.
You see, the radish eaters had depleted their willpower resisting cookies, and thus didn’t have the oomph left to stick with the puzzle as long as the cookie eaters did.
And just as saying no drains, so does saying yes. The well-intentioned efforts to push through unsolvable problems, study harder, clean your dorm room, or balance your finances all take a toll on your willpower, too.
The more you use it throughout the day, the weaker it becomes, and the less you have remaining when you’re having that midnight stare down with Ben and Jerry’s — so you give it up and grab the spoon…this sucker was over before it began.
And let’s be clear here—almost everything you do requires willpower:
- Getting up in the morning (without hitting your snooze bar eight times)
- Hitting the gym (instead of the couch)
- Paying attention during a meeting (and we don’t mean to your phone)
Every choice you make—good or bad—continually fatigues that willpower muscle.
That muscle wakes up like the fresh-faced Lindsay Lohan circa Mean Girls, but by bedtime is today’s hot-mess Lindsay Lohan courtesy of TMZ.
As the day goes on, your strength is progressively sapped, and after a long, tough one, most of us are far more likely to make poor decisions.
Ever have a regrettable fight, regrettable double bacon pepperoni pizza, regrettable sex, or a million other regrettable things?
Probably happened later in the day, didn’t it?
By the time night falls, you may find yourself simply doing nothing at all. You may find yourself on a sort of robotic autopilot, zombie-walking back into your house, sincerely intending to tackle the array of stuff on that is piling up on your desk or laptop (and likely on your conscience) but discovering that the lure of the couch is simply too much to resist.
Willpower? Gone. Proactivity? Not happening. And thirty minutes later, you are still watching the same dumb TV show, and the spiral has only gone further downward.
Some of the most common willpower vampires include:
- Making decisions
- Taking initiatives
- Multitasking
- Restraining impulses
- Sleep deprivation
Even when we try to do the right thing, we seem to only have so much willpower.
As Kelly McGonigal points out:
- Smokers who abstain from cigarettes for twenty-four hours are more likely to binge on ice cream.
- Drinkers who say no to their favorite cocktail become weaker on a test of physical endurance.
- People who are on a diet are more likely to cheat on their spouse (yes, you read that correctly).
So what the hell are we supposed to do? Are we doomed to either smoke or eat sundaes? Drink or collapse on a run? Wear fat jeans forever or cheat on our partners?
Here’s the thing — just like a muscle, not only can you make it stronger, you can also keep some on ice for later.
Welcome to the willpower gym.
1. Exercise: Breathe, Move, Sleep
If you’ve ever had your heart set aflutter, you have experienced a telltale physical sign of temptation.
When you are on the verge of caving into a craving (or succumbing to a distraction such as the Internet), your heart rate rises, but its consistency decreases—a cardiovascular portrait of speeding up while losing control.
When you are ready to face the challenge, however, the opposite occurs, a slower and more regulated rhythm. Heart rate variability (HRV) is such a strong indicator of willpower that it can allow researchers to predict how people do in the face of temptation.
Fortunately, there are a number of ways to increase your HRV so that it helps you keep your cool at times when you feel like you might get all hot and bothered.
Try twenty breaths.
Breathing to regulate your HRV can work wonders. The University of Pennsylvania’s Michael Baime recommends closing your eyes, sitting upright, and taking twenty breaths, counting each one (an inhale/exhale counts as one) and focusing on each cycle intently for about ten seconds each.
Read Related: 5 Mindfulness Exercises To Reduce Stress and Reclaim Joy
Doing this in moments of weakness can help you triumph over temptation. Practicing twice each day builds strength so you can stay on the path, not stray from it.
Step (or run) away from temptation.
Regular exercise increases HRV, optimizes your willpower, and has been found to reduce consumption of alcohol, caffeine, and junk food; minimize impulse buying, procrastination, and lateness; and increase study habits and money-saving practices.
No need to run a marathon: If you want to hit the gym, great. If it’s a stroll around the block, equally great. Just move it.
Rested eyes stay on the prize.
The effects of sleep deprivation resemble mild intoxication, and your HRV suffers the same way (bad decisions, anyone?).
If you’re still working on getting a solid seven to eight, try a twenty-minute nap (tip: I swear by my earplugs and take them everywhere I go).
It has loads of cognitive benefits, and you may notice an instant boost in your ability to stay on task and ignore the distractions.
2) Exercise: Out of Sight, Out of Mind
We once had a student in class who loved ice cream so much that when we asked the students about their most challenging temptations, she raised both hands and said, “This is Ben and this is Jerry. They live in my fridge. Always.”
Her solution to the addiction? She simply stopped keeping ice cream in her freezer, forcing herself to walk to the store to buy a pint when she had to have it. Ben and Jerry were a lot less desirable when it became a commuter relationship.
Read Related: Rebounding Trampoline Exercises
If you’re glued to your phone, bury it at the bottom of your closet at bedtime instead of keeping it beside—or in—your bed.
If you’re a shopaholic, freeze your credit card in a block of ice. Not only can you save a few bucks (or calories), but you save up your willpower for when you need it later.
Whether it’s ice cream or your ex, choose a temptation you would be better off without. Now, strategize.
If you have the urge to text your ex all the time (or simply at the wrong time), or you find yourself rereading his or her texts, erase all of their contact info from your phone. (I did this once for my best friend. Without telling him. Long term, good. Short term, mayhem.)
Move the TV out of your bedroom – it’s hard to binge your favorite show when there is nothing to watch it on. Turn your phone off during a date or a meal with friends or family (not silent, not airplane mode, OFF). Stick to your strategy for one month, then move on to the next temptation. Studies show that we should be ready for our next challenge after thirty days.
3) Exercise: Two Wills Are Better than One
Social support can be key to boosting willpower. Whether you want to resist temptations or take more initiative, teaming up with friends makes the going easier.
Be in good company.
Studies show that simply observing people who are exerting their willpower can help raise our own levels. Do you appreciate a friend’s habits when it comes to exercise or good nutrition? Spend more time with that person.
Get a workout partner.
Accountability to others is a key to developing habits and goal-setting.
Find a friend who is looking to build willpower, share your specific goals with each other, and then set a time to check in every day on progress and goals for the day ahead. A quick text or conversation will do the trick.
Try a trainer or coach.
Personal trainers aren’t just for toning up your abs, they can buff up your willpower as well.
Whether it’s organization, managing personal finances, nutrition, or any other area you want to improve, work with a specialist, like a life coach, once a week, logging your progress each day.
Read Related: How to Stay Healthy: 10 Micro Habits To Practice Daily
Stick with one area of focus at a time (remember, you only have one willpower muscle!).
We tend to think of willpower as something that is key to specific desires – eating, exercising, saying “no” when no is the right thing to say – even if “yes” would be a lot more fun.
But research shows that willpower is much more than a prudent yes or no.
The amount that you enjoy affects the quality of your friendships, health, resilience, and happiness (to name a few), and predicts higher salaries and more secure relationships in the years ahead.
Fortunately for those of us late to the willpower game, research shows that it’s never too late to start exercising and building up your willpower.
Author Bio
Daniel Lerner is a speaker, teacher, strengths-based performance coach, and an expert in positive and performance psychologies. In the classroom and in his talks, Lerner integrates storytelling, humor, and science, helping students and professionals apply his teachings into their lives with immediate benefit.
From the Dan Lerner and Alan Schlechter, co-teachers of NYU’s most popular elective class, “Science of Happiness,” comes the new book, U Thrive: How to Succeed in College (and Life)
The post 3 Sure-Fire Ways To Power Up Your Willpower appeared first on Live Bold and Bloom.
April 12th
She was not a slowpoke grownup. She was a girl who could not wait. Life was so interesting she had to find out what happened next.
19 Quotes to Inspire Self-knowledge, Self-inquiry, and Self-esteem
You’re reading 19 Quotes to Inspire Self-knowledge, Self-inquiry, and Self-esteem, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
We often can’t control what happens in a lifetime. Every one of us is inevitably going to encounter a number of triumphs and tragedies, many of which we have control over, but many of which we don’t.
What we can choose, however, is how we respond to each situation, and how these significant life events impact our sense of self and our relationship to the world.
If you’re going through an uncertain period, or you are simply curious to explore what it means to be you, then these quotes will inspire you towards that change.
Here are 19 Quotes to inspire self-knowledge, self-inquiry, and self-esteem!
“There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self.” – Benjamin Franklin
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“The one self-knowledge worth having is to know one’s own mind.” – F.H Bradley
“Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.” – Buddha
“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.” – Henry David Thoreau
“To know oneself, one should assert oneself. Psychology is action, not thinking about oneself.” – Albert Camus
“To trust one’s mind and to know that one is worthy of happiness is the essence of self-esteem.” – Nathaniel Branden
“It’s not your job to like me – it’s mine.” – Byron Katie
“Someone else’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality.” – Les Brown
“Your own self-realization is the greatest service you can render the world.” – Sri Ramana Maharshi
“One secures the gold of the spirit when he finds himself.” – Claude M. Bristol
“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.” – Mark Twain
“He who knows others is clever; He who knows himself has discernment.” – Lao Tsu
“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” – Carl Jung
“There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.” – Aldous Leonard Huxley
“Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered – either by themselves or by others.” – Mark Twain
“You were not born a winner, and you were not born a loser. You are what you make yourself be.” – Lou Holtz
“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on.” – Maxwell Maltz
“Self-care is never a selfish act – it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others.” – Parker Palmer
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” – Steve Jobs
Attention Pick the Brain Readers
Would you like to learn more about how your own mind works?
Then take our FREE psycho-metric style personality quiz and receive personalized feedback:
How Well Do You Know Your Unconscious Mental Barriers?
Ben Fishel is a freelance writer, and the creator of Project Monkey Mind – a blog that delves deep into psychology, spirituality, and the mind, and offers practical wisdom for the digital age.
Don’t forget to follow Project Monkey Mind on Facebook!
You’ve read 19 Quotes to Inspire Self-knowledge, Self-inquiry, and Self-esteem, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
The Antidote to Self-Harshness & Resentment
By Leo Babauta
There are two poisons that have hurt me so much over the years:
- Self-harshness — I have so often been critical of myself, harsh on myself, about all my little failures, that this harshness has become one of the biggest things holding me back.
- Resentment – I’ve increasingly become aware of how I have a mental pattern of resentment that hurts my relationships, especially with my loved ones. They don’t behave the way I want, so I notice myself feeling resentful that they couldn’t do things differently.
The truth is, these are the biggest problems for most of us. We don’t love ourselves the way we are. We don’t love others the way they are. And the harshness that results is painful and harmful to us and the people we love most.
How do we deal with these two poisons?
There’s a simple antidote. It’s not easy, but it’s pretty simple.
It’s a habit of loving that which we normally dislike.
In fact, this small habit can transform all of our problems.
Imagine for a moment that you’ve been procrastinating (I know, a stretch, just go with it). You’re running from something that makes you uncomfortable, and you go to your favorite distraction instead. What if, instead of running from the discomfort and uncertainty — you gave them some love? You wouldn’t have to run. You’d face the uncertainty with love, and just work in the midst of it. (Btw, I have a course on reprogramming procrastination going on right now, join my Sea Change Program to practice with me.)
Imagine that you have anxiety about something coming up (let’s say a presentation). You’re afraid of the presentation, because you have uncertainty about how you’ll do. You want to get away from this uncertainty. What if you practice loving this uncertainty? You might not feel so anxious. What if you gave some of that good love to your feelings of anxiety as well? You wouldn’t be harsh on yourself about being anxious.
It’s easier said than done, of course. So how do you get better at it? Practice.
Antidote Practice
Here’s how to work with this practice:
- Imagine a good friend or loved one, someone who you can love whole-heartedly with ease. Send this person some love right now. Wish for them to be happy. Love them just as they are, in all their wonder. Now here’s the important part: notice where in your body you feel this love. This is your Love Muscle (it’s not dirty, get your mind out of the gutter). Practice some more, so that you can call up this feeling of love, from your Love Muscle, at will.
- Now turn your Love Muscle onto something about yourself. Notice something about yourself that you like. Work the Love Muscle, and love this thing about yourself.
- Practice on something you don’t like. Now try turning the Love Muscle onto something about yourself that you’re usually not fond of. You know how to use the Love Muscle by now, so give it a shot. How can you love this thing about yourself just as it is? Imagine a good friend who is having a hard time, who is flawed … can you love that good friend? Can you produce the same feeling of love about this part of yourself? Try it with different parts of yourself, both physical parts and mental/emotional parts of you.
- Practice on other people. Notice things about other people that you like. Send love to these things. Now notice things that you don’t like. Send love to these things as well. Practice on people all day long.
- Practice when you feel resentment. When you notice yourself resenting something about another person, or resenting their behavior … send love to this part of the person. Love them as they are. Exercise your Love Muscle. Send love to the part of you that was feeling frustration or resentment.
- Practice when you’re feeling harsh on yourself. Whenever you notice yourself disliking something about yourself, send love to this thing about yourself. Send love to the part of you that dislikes the other part.
Basically, you can practice all the time. Over and over, reminding yourself and practicing.
You can practice on everything:
- When you have been lazy or procrastinated, notice the feeling of harshness or disappointment that comes up in yourself. Give this feeling your full attention, and all of your love.
- When you eat too much, or eat junk food, notice the feeling of pleasure but also guilt. Give both these feelings your love.
- When you are interacting with someone and they annoy you, notice the annoyance. Give some loving to this feeling of annoyance, and to the person who is annoying you.
- When you’ve been distracted all day, maybe feeling a bit anxious … notice the feelings of being distracted, of rushing, of anxiety. Love these feelings with all your heart.
- When you notice your heart shutting down to someone, or to some experience, notice what it feels like when your heart starts to shut down. Love this feeling of shutting down, and love the thing you’re shutting down to.
- When you’re meditating and feeling like you’re not good at it, notice what not being good at it feels like. Turn to that experience and give it some love. Love the part of you that is attempting this at all.
And so on. Every experience, every feeling, every person, every aspect of life … you can love it as the Dalai Lama would, as Jesus would, as the biggest-hearted Goddess of Love would. You are practicing loving life itself. And that’s something worth falling in love with.
April 11th
Angry, and half in love with her, and tremendously sorry, I turned away.
#staypositive #positive #vibe #consciousness #health #healthy #yoga #yogi #life #lifestyle #happy #happiness #acceptance #heatlh #motivation #motivated #motivating #motivationalquotes #hardwork #workhard #attract #attraction #attracted
#staypositive #positive #vibe #consciousness #health #healthy #yoga #yogi #life #lifestyle #happy #happiness #acceptance #heatlh #motivation #motivated #motivating #motivationalquotes #hardwork #workhard #attract #attraction #attracted
Sig Nordal 