12 Refreshing Tips On How To Live A Stress-Free Life in 2017

You’re reading 12 Refreshing Tips On How To Live A Stress-Free Life in 2017, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

The Internet is full of resources on time management, tips for a stress-free life, and finding work-life balance.  Since we are unique creatures with varying personalities and goals, it’s nearly impossible to come up with a formula to a better lifestyle. The most we can do is to search, test, and share techniques that worked for us.

In the bestselling self-help book Nine Things Successful People Do Differently, Heidi Grant Halvorson noted the science-based strategies on stress management. The principles, including having self-compassion and remembering the “big picture,” are recommended both for business and personal productivity. One of the most important tactics Halvorson shares is looking at your shortcomings with kindness and understanding. A study published in the Journal of Research of Personality suggests that self-compassion has significant positive association with happiness, optimism, and personal initiative. People with self-compassion are less depressed and more successful.

For 2017, I vowed to make changes in my life. I refuse to waste away my energy worrying and devote my time on those that truly matter. Here are 12 techniques that helped me glide through the last year that might help you as well.

#1: (Really) know yourself more

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How do you know yourself? Do you fully understand what triggers your anxiety, or what calms you down? In 1921, renowned psychoanalyst Carl Jung’s Psychological Types introduced two major personalities, the introverted and the extroverted types. Generally, an introvert draws energy from spending time in solitude while an extrovert functions better when surrounded by other people. Two years after Jung’s publication, the mother-daughter tandem of Katharine Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myers began their study on the various personality types. They later came up with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) with the main purpose of making Jung’s theory of psychological types “understandable and useful in people’s lives.”

By taking the MBTI, you’d have a deeper understanding on your perception, strengths and weaknesses, emotions, and how you deal with others. Your personality can also explain your workplace habits, guiding you on how to plan your next career moves.

#2: Understand your mental condition

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For some people, following a set of recommended steps to a stress-free life is not as easy as it seems. There may be an underlying medical condition that hinders you from calming your nerves. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, roughly 18% of US adults are suffering from an anxiety disorder. This mental condition is characterized by restlessness or irritability, feeling tense and jumpy, pounding of heart and shortness of breath, upset stomach, fatigue, and insomnia. The treatments available include psychotherapy, anti-anxiety, and antidepressant drugs, and alternative medicine such as yoga and meditation.

Anxiety can make other conditions such as depression and sleeping problems worse. If your anxiety is interfering with your daily activities, see a doctor immediately.

#3: Be kinder to yourself

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Our mistakes and failures help define us. If your relationship didn’t work out, there’s a reason for that. For many years, I also beat myself up for a relationship that ended bitterly. There were nights when I would replay our last days together to analyze what I did wrong and how I could’ve made the situation better. I only benefitted from these painful reminiscing when I finally decided to move on and learn from these mistakes. The same goes with my business decisions. Whenever I make a wrong turn, I briefly identify the problems, draft a solution, and move on to my next course of action. As Louise L. Hay wrote in You Can Heal Your Life, “Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving yourself and see what happens.”

#4: Aspire for quality sleep

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One key to a better life is adequate sleep. The National Sleep Foundation recommends that adults aged 18 to 64 should get seven to nine hours of uninterrupted sleep each night. Working as a manager in a real estate company is not an easy undertaking. Meetings can last for hours, leaving me too exhausted to doze off at bedtime. Sleep deprivation has a serious impact on your well-being. It can increase your risk to diabetes, heart disease, and hypertension, and weaken your immunity. According to the Harvard Medical School, insufficient sleep affect mental performance. “Concentration, working memory, mathematical capacity, and logical reasoning are all aspects of cognitive function compromised by sleep deprivation,” it warns.

How do I manage to get right amount of sleep each night? I regulate my caffeine consumption. I skip coffee after 5 p.m. I also set a rule to disconnect from any electronic device (cellphone, laptop, and TV) at least an hour before bedtime. Finally, I decluttered my bedroom to free my mind from distractions.

#5: Push yourself to exercise

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Like many people, I had my love-hate relationship with my rubber shoes. I could come up with the lamest excuses just to avoid going to the gym. Then about two years ago, I noticed that I could barely keep up with my older sisters when we go  malling on weekends. They called my attention. I was breathing hard and sweating profusely after only 15 minutes of walking. I weighed 20 kilos above my normal weight and I got tired easily.

Getting into a fitness program is like climbing a mountain. The hardest part is the beginning. Once you get the hang of it, your body will demand it. I didn’t place any pressure on myself. First, I set an achievable goal—to log an hour of moderate exercise per day, three times a week. Then, I increased it to two hours, including 30 minutes of vigorous exercise. I also took note of my diet. I only eat the amount of calories I can burn in the gym. I lost 10 kilos in six months. More than losing weight and being able to move more freely, my perspective in life changed. I learned to listen to my body and prioritize its needs.

#6: Less salt and fast food treats

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I only realized that I’ve been consuming too much sodium when I stopped eating in fast food restaurants for a month. Why did I do it? It was more of an experiment I placed upon myself after watching the Academy Award nominated documentary Super Size Me. In the 2004 documentary, American independent filmmaker Morgan Spurlock ate only  McDonald’s food for 30 days. The result? Spurlock gained 11 kilos, and increased his body mass by 13% and his cholesterol to 230 mg/dL. Scary!

My schedule was jampacked, juggling work, writing, and pursuing other endeavors. I usually had working brunches in fast food restaurants. The only time I cooked my food, which were not exactly healthy, were on weekends. Super Size Me gave me a new perspective. I came up with a challenge—to stop eating out for a month. The changes were amazing. I couldn’t stand too much salt anymore and preferred to prepare my food. Most importantly, I recognized a drastic change in my mood. I was less stressed and irritable.

#7: Declutter your life

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Your unkempt kitchen, messy work desk, and pile of clothes in your bedroom are stressors. Professor Joseph Ferrari of DePaul University in Chicago said: “It’s the danger of clutter, the totality of one’s possessions being so overwhelming that it chips away at your well-being, relationships, and more, drowning in a sea of stuff.” He noted that a chaotic and disorderly living space can disturb your “sense of home and ability to bond with others.”

Organizing consultant and author Marie Kondo shares some tips on how to declutter your space. Keep only the items that make you happy or those that “spark joy.” Clean by category, not by location. You can start with your closet. Place your pile of clothes in a corner and decide on every item. You’d realize how much stuff you’ve accumulated. This also applies with your work area. The cleaner your desk, the clearer your mind!

#8: Use technology to make jobs easier, not more complicated

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We have an app for nearly every type of activities, from tracking a project to monitoring our heartbeat. Use these to help you finish tasks faster. How do you choose the right app for you? You can choose those with good reviews from fellow users. Try them and decide whether they work for you or not. If you run your own firm or manage some areas of company’s operations, take advantage of outsourcing. You can’t run a stress-free business if you try to do things on your own. One area you can outsource is your social media management. Explore bots that can help handle the influx of queries or a third-party firm that can aid in your social media marketing strategies. Discover Customer Relationship Management (CRM) systems that can help your sales team monitor accounts and activities, and generate reports.

#9: Revisit a hobby you’ve been neglecting

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Do you have a passion that you keep on putting off? This may be a cause of your high stress levels. Before I joined the workforce, I have been a film enthusiast and a prolific reader. I also submitted poems and short stories to several publications in and out of campus. I was convinced that working in the corporate somehow drained my creative juice. Organizing my schedule to allow time for film watching, reading, and writing not only reduced my stress. It also boosted my energy in the office and kept my moods high even on the toughest of days.

#10: Disconnect as you see fit

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Is it the fact that you’re online, or that you know you can get summoned for work anytime, that’s causing you stress? According to a new study, “Exhausted But Unable To Disconnect,” the anticipatory stress and expectation of answering after-office-hours emails are adding pressure to employees. “If an organization perpetuates the ‘always-on’ culture, it may prevent employees from fully disengaging from work, eventually leading to chronic stress,” said study author Liuba Belkin of Lahigh University.

As a manager in a real estate company, I was guilty of putting my team on edge 24/7. I didn’t care if they’re resting at home or spending the holiday with their family. I sent them text messages or emails regarding their prospecting and sales activities. Later on, I noticed that we’re all stressed and agitated about work. Sales is an ongoing process, making it tough for us to impose a rule on disconnecting at certain hours. However, our team came up with an idea—I’d ask for their reports before we go off to holidays. If a sales agent is closing a sale on a holiday, he/she would let me know the approximate time I can expect his call for assistance or updates. When the business is done, we’d disconnect.

#11: Walk as often as you can

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Walking has therapeutic effects. Do you know that a 10-minute walk can be as good to your mind and body as a 45-minute workout? Whenever my many activities leave me burnt out, I grab my trainers and walk around our neighborhood. Walking has a strong symbolism for me—I leave the worries behind me with every step I take.  Then, I enjoy a hot cup of tea and listen to soothing music. These I do before going back to a strenuous work.

#12: Live in the present

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“The only thing that is ultimately real about your journey is the step that you are taking this very moment. That’s all there ever is,” says Eckhart Tolle. For many years, I struggled with anxiety. I didn’t understand where my illogical fears were coming from until I talked to a professional. I was encouraged to do therapy, one of which is meditation. Meditation is not easy for first timers. I couldn’t shut out my mental discourses and usually ended up frustrated after a meditation session. Eckhart Tolle’s Power of Now was my answer. It involved a mindset: being conscious about the present moment. I started by paying close attention to the sensations of my skin, the rhythm of my breathing and my surroundings. Whenever a difficult situation hits me, I stop and ask myself, “Do I have problem at this very minute?” The answer is usually no. According to Tolle, unless it’s quite rare to encounter a problem in the present moment. Most of our worries are in the past and future, which are inexistent.

It is said that stress is the norm of our modern society. It is the norm because we make it so. Dare to change your lifestyle. At the end of the day, you’re the captain of your ship.

 

You’ve read 12 Refreshing Tips On How To Live A Stress-Free Life in 2017, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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April 10th

There is not a crime, there is not a dodge, there is not a trick, there is not a swindle, there is not a vice which does not live by secrecy.

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Powerful Lessons On ‘Letting Go’ By The Great Thinkers

You’re reading Powerful Lessons On ‘Letting Go’ By The Great Thinkers, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

One of the most popular Stoic philosophers in history is Marcus Aurelius. He was the emperor of Rome from 161 AD to 180 AD and ruled during a time of extreme turmoil. He campaigned in many wars, saw extreme poverty and suffering and turned to writing as a way of ‘making sense’ of it all. He is well known for his untitled journal writings which are now referred to as The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius. His writings have influenced and helped millions of people over the last two centuries and are the basis for many self-help gurus and even therapy courses.

One of his primary teachings is based on the concept of letting go of things we cannot control. This is a profound lesson coming from someone who, arguably, had a whole lot of control and power as the emperor of Rome.

What You Cannot Control

“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” – Marcus Aurelius

According to Marcus Aurelius, there are very few things you can control beyond your opinion. Examples of things you cannot control are health, reputation, wealth and prosperity — to name a few. Although you may be able to influence health, for example, by having a proper diet, you still do not have complete control whether or not you are unfortunate and get cancer.

The reason Aurelius says to not focus on things you cannot control is that by doing so, you cause yourself great suffering. It’s like trying to force someone to love you when you know that you can’t make someone love you. Chasing after unrequited love just prolongs your suffering and makes you feel completely helpless. The advice most people give with unrequited love is to move on. Marcus Aurelius is simply saying that we need to realize this lack of control exists over a lot of other things we choose to suffer about (health, reputation, wealth, etc.) We need to learn to let go of the things we cannot control and learn how to move on.

What You Can Control

So what do we focus on if almost everything outside of us is out of our control? We focus on the way we perceive the world. We concentrate on the way we treat others and how we act. You know you can’t control how others behave, but you know you can control how you behave. Whether or not in the morning you decide to be nice to the barista at the coffee shop or you decide to be mean. Whether you choose to take on new exciting opportunities or you choose to hide away from the world. Whether or not you see a rainy day as a tragedy or an opportunity to gleefully jump in the puddles. Your thoughts and actions are what you have control over, not how the world reacts to them.

The power of knowing what you can and cannot control is that it gives you more energy and productivity. Instead of spending hours worrying, plotting, scheming, creeping people on social media or manipulating others — you have all that time and energy into making positive choices in life. You can instead take up new hobbies, read a book or invest in any other self-improvement path you find interesting. You will also feel so much ‘lighter’ without the circular negative thinking about trying to control everything.

Although Marcus Aurelius ruled nearly two-thousand years ago, his wisdom is still applicable today. You can find a list of his best quotes here, or listen for free to his audio books on Youtube, along with other famous Stoic teachers such as Epictetus and Seneca.

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An Open Letter to Those Who Are Trying to Make the Best of a Bad Situation

An Open Letter to Those Who Are Trying to Make the Best of a Bad Situation

“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.”
― Iain Thomas

This article was inspired by a short email we received this morning from a new course student:

Dear Marc and Angel,

There’s so much meaning and value I want to foster in my present life, and yet a tragic past continues to drag me down.  I feel like I have weights tied to my ankles.  It’s the heaviness of grief that still sneaks up on me.  Truly, I’ve been through a lot – the toughest and most heartbreaking of which was losing my husband in a car accident when he was only 35-years-old.  And right now, six years later, I’m at a point where I’m trying to make the best of a bad situation, but I wake up on some mornings and just can’t seem to let go of the way things were “supposed to be” in my life.

Anyway, I know you can’t solve all my problems, but I was hoping you could shine some light on my situation.  I could use a little perspective today.  Do you have any wisdom you could share?

Sincerely,
A Struggling Student

Our reply (an open reply to all who are trying to make the best of a bad situation):

Dear Struggling Student,

Angel and I just finished reading your email, together, and we sincerely wish we could start by giving you two of the biggest, longest hugs imaginable.  But since that’s not possible at this very moment, let me tell you about an unexpected phone call I received in the middle of the night last night.

My phone rang just before midnight.  I didn’t answer.  Then it rang again a minute later.  I rolled over, grabbed it off the nightstand, and (more…)

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Motivational Quotes, Weight Loss Inspiration, Fitness #motivationalquotes , #quotes #motivation

Motivational Quotes, Weight Loss Inspiration, Fitness #motivationalquotes , #quotes #motivation
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Constructive Criticism: Don’t Make the Truth Hurt

Constructive Criticism

Does anyone like to be criticized?

I certainly don’t. But over time, I’ve learned how valuable criticism can be.

When I was in my twenties and working in public relations, I sent a letter to a magazine editor suggesting a story idea related to one of my clients.

I received a stinging reply from the editor’s assistant, someone about my same age. He had sent my letter back, marked up like a high school term paper, criticizing my writing and pointing out grammatical errors.

It felt like I’d been slapped. At first I was indignant. “How dare he send me this. Who does he think he is? I majored in English in college — I know more than he does.”

But after my internal tirade, I burst into tears. As painful as it was to admit it, he was right — I had made mistakes in the letter. I could have done better.

Although his delivery was sorely lacking, the editor’s assistant taught me two powerful lessons with his comments: first, proofread everything before sending it, and second, don’t ignore criticism just because it stings. It might actually help you.

The lesson the assistant could have (or should have) learned was how to offer criticism in a way that doesn’t leave the other person reeling. That’s a skill that can win you a lot of respect and good will in your professional and personal life.

Most of us tend to get defensive and hurt when we’re criticized, whether or not the criticism is warranted.

We get thoughts like: “What right do you have to say that? Are you so perfect that you’re above criticism? I bet you’ve made more mistakes than I have.”

Even if the critic means well, being the recipient of negative feedback isn’t easy on the ego. But if the critic is thoughtless or intentionally harsh, it can send some people into dark and painful place.

Everyone has a sense of their own importance. We all need to be validated and to feel like our efforts and actions are valued.

Negative criticism can feel like an invalidation of your very existence and humanity. Offered mindlessly, it can make you question yourself and your essential worthiness.

Knowing how painful criticism can be, you would think we would just avoid criticizing other people. Who wants to inflict pain or cause someone to question their own self-worth?

But of course it’s not realistic to avoid criticizing others altogether. Plenty of circumstances warrant criticism, and sometimes it is even ethically imperative that you offer it.

Like when your son parties all night instead of doing his homework. Or your friend shows up late every time you meet for a coffee date. Or your employee does something that can cost your business thousands or millions of dollars.

It’s not a question of whether or not you should criticize. It’s a question of how to deliver that criticism.

It’s essential to communicate your feedback in a way that the recipient doesn’t feel personally attacked.

You also want the recipient to feel good enough about your comments to take the appropriate action. A poorly delivered critique can totally backfire on you.

And hopefully the recipient will feel grateful to you for the feedback and learn something along the way.

Understanding how to offer criticism in a way that is productive and positive can ensure you get what you need from another person without leaving them bruised and battered in the process.

Here are six strategies for offering constructive criticism:

1. Make sure your timing is right.

Aside from what you say, when you say it also matters.

The recipient should be in the right mindset to receive criticism. If he or she seems angry or distressed, your criticism will not only upset them further, but also it will make them more likely to reject your feedback.

On the flip side, you don’t want to criticize someone in the middle of a celebration or happy occasion. The last thing you want is to be that person who bursts bubbles and rains on parades.

If possible, wait until the person is in a neutral mood. Ask to speak with them in a private place, saying something like, “Excuse me, may I have a word?” Make sure there are no distractions or potential interruptions, and then proceed to the next step.

2. Start with a positive statement.

It’s tempting to launch straight to the point, especially when you’re pressed for time, or if you’re the type who doesn’t mince words.

But if you want the other person to take your feedback to heart, then you have to show them that their negative points aren’t the only thing you notice.

For example, if your employee is usually competent but happened to make a serious mistake this one time, start off with something like, “I know how much effort you put into every project,” or, “I know how much this project means to you, considering the high quality of your work in the past.”

Make sure your compliments are sincere and true. Avoid unnecessary flattery to soften the blow. Also, steer clear of manipulative statements such as, “I know you like receiving feedback.” (Does anyone like negative feedback?)

The other person will think you’re being condescending and won’t take your constructive criticism seriously.

3. Focus on the problem, not the person.

No one likes to feel personally attacked. Even when a person does something wrong, they don’t want to own up to the fact without some resistance.

If you’re going to talk about someone’s mistake, you need to put a psychological distance between the mistake and the person who committed it.

Read Related: 10 Conflict Resolution Skills

Let’s say your colleague used the wrong pie chart in his presentation. Instead of saying “You used the wrong pie chart,” say “I think that pie chart was for last year’s P&L report.”

By  using “I” pronouns to preface negative statements, being matter-of-fact, and avoiding insinuations about the person’s intelligence or competence, you can help them become aware of their mistake without alienating them.

In personal situations, you might start with the statement, “I feel.” For example, with the friend who is always late, you might say, “I feel disrespected when you don’t show up on time for our coffee dates.”

This takes the focus off of them being the “bad guy,” and allows them to understand how their behavior impacts another person.

4. Offer suggestions, not instructions.

When someone gives you orders or instructions on how to do something, how does it make you feel?

You feel like an ignorant child being talked down to, right?

So when you want to let someone know how to do better next time, it’s important to come across as helpful rather than patronizing.

When offering suggestions, use positive language, like, “You can do this,” instead of, “You shouldn’t do this.”

Explain the benefits of your suggestion, like, “If we use a slightly darker color for the pie chart, the presentation will be easier on the eyes.”

Ask questions to gently nudge the person into coming up with a solution of their own. “Given the situation, do you have any ideas about what to do?”

5. Close with another positive statement.

Even if you’re careful about how you phrase your constructive criticism, the person may still be reeling from what you just dropped on them.

To soften the blow, sandwich the negative between two positives by reiterating the positive things you said earlier.

Show confidence in their abilities by saying something like, “I know you can do this. I believe in you.”

Read Related: 101 Positive Affirmations

Let them know you have their back — “If you need anything, I’m happy to help you.”

Don’t forget to reinforce your words with positive body language, like a smile on your face or a reassuring touch. That further shows the recipient that every word you said was sincere.

6. Follow up, if appropriate.

Of course, you want to know how the other person took your feedback and acted on it. If the person responded the way you intended, that’s good.

If not, use your judgment to decide the next course of action. You can reiterate your feedback in stronger, more direct language. You can ask someone else to talk to the person on your behalf. Or you can choose not to do anything at all.

It’s possible that no matter how carefully you delivered your constructive criticism, the person will still think badly of you.

Read Related: Good Communication Skills You Must Know

If you’ve already exhausted all reasonable options, and the person insists on being upset and not taking responsibility for the mistake, then consider letting it go.

This may not be possible in a professional situation. But in your personal life, you might not want to waste time trying to change someone who doesn’t want to change.

You never know — sometimes people resist at first, only to let your words sink in over time.

When you offer constructive criticism, how you deliver it is just as important as why.

Put yourself in the other person’s shoes, and think about how you’d want to receive the feedback you’re about to offer.

When you have compassion and empathy for the other person, it helps you grow as well.

The post Constructive Criticism: Don’t Make the Truth Hurt appeared first on Live Bold and Bloom.

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The 5 Best Podcasts on Empowerment

You’re reading The 5 Best Podcasts on Empowerment, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

We often face decisions with anguish over whether it will be the right choice, because we are afraid of the unknown. We may fear that whatever happens will result in failure. This is where empowerment can make a difference in feeling that you do in fact have control over what is happening to you. To know that you make a decision that is the best for yourself creates a balance between responsibilities and wishes. Of course, this requires that you actually have knowledge of what it is you truly desire. Knowing yourself then is the first step to authentic empowerment. Here are 5 podcasts that aid in the discovery of self-empowerment.

  1. Jess Lively’s blog includes an interview with Brene Brown, focusing on how to set boundaries in your relationships in a compassionate way and discussing some of the themes in her book ‘Rising Strong’. How this serves our empowerment is that emotionality can be a driving force and we make up these stories surrounding it which are not necessarily true. We must learn how to have tough conversations, check in and be brave. We deny our feelings based on ‘emotional high centering’ (meaning you can’t go forward and you can’t go back), it is a form of offloading feelings because we are better at hiding or causing pain until it takes a toll on our lives, rather than facing it or being honest about what we are really feeling.

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  1. ‘If you want something, ask, people can’t read your mind.’ This podcast is as straightforward as its message. It is all about getting to the point in any and every conversation you have. If you are specific with want you want there will be no confusion to those around you and ultimately for yourself.

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  1. In this Dr. Pat Baccili led podcast, she speaks about the obsession we have with comparison to others. Getting to the root of what is at the conscious level and what role does the subconscious play in comparisons. It means that something inside of us feels unresolved and a pain hasn’t been addressed, and we want a confirming element that something is true. Comparison feeds into the idea of winning or losing and that is where we have to look into ourselves and realize that we are making an unfair assessment of our lives. To empower ourselves is to understand our inner values as opposed to concentrating on our outer values.

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  1. ‘When your deepest beliefs are challenged by contradictory evidence, your beliefs get stronger.’ This idea propels the discussion of this podcast, discussing the phenomenon of how provoked skepticism fuels behavior that can cause them to become more certain of their incorrect beliefs. How this relates to empowerment is that we search for information with our own emotional involvement, and to be truly empowered we need to learn how to recognize why we challenge information we don’t want to believe in.

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  1. This podcast by Bri and Thais (on stepping into your power), addresses the daily things we may not notice we are doing that can take away your inner power, such as operating at a low energy level by being passive aggressive and complaining. Sometimes, a simple mindset shift is beneficial to stand in your power, explain your intentions or address your behavior.

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At any given point in our lives, we may seek empowerment that is either psychological, physical or emotional (among others). You define what issues are important to you, whether it be setting boundaries in relationships, feeling physically well or recognizing where our self worth comes from. All of these develop as we work through them, essentially, making empowerment a continuous journey that we take.

Do you read a great blog about empowerment that’s not on the list? Leave a comment on FB!

Larissa Gomes is a breast cancer survivor and single mom to her spirited baby boy! Originally from Toronto turned Angeleno, she has worked in roles from writer, actor and producer for well over a decade. In that time, she’s developed concepts, film and television screenplays, short stories, along with freelance articles, blogging and editing work.

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