Slay Stress: 4 Ideas For People Who Can’t Find Their Calm

You’re reading Slay Stress: 4 Ideas For People Who Can’t Find Their Calm, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

slay stress

Every night is the same thing…

You’re lying in bed, but you can’t sleep.

You try sleeping on your left side. You try sleeping on your right side. You try sleeping on your back. But still, you’re wide awake.

Too many things are going on in your life. You simply can’t shut down your mind.

Maybe your relationship is going downhill or your family is falling apart.

Maybe you owe more money than you make, and you’re worried about ending up living in a card box on the street.

Maybe you’re too busy and the pace of modern life is killing you.

But whatever your case is, you can’t cope with stress anymore.

And you may think the answer to stopping feeling this way is to keep your head down and solve your problems.

If you fix your relationship or find a better job or get your pending work done, you should feel more relaxed, right?

Well, yes and no.

Life is like a roller coaster. It has ups and downs. Even if you solve your current problems, more and more challenges will come in the future.

Thus, the answer lies not in solving your problems, but in learning to handle stress every time it seizes you.

And that’s exactly what this post contains. I’ll show you four original ideas to find the calm you’re looking for.

1. Kick Someone’s Butt

Admit it…sometimes you feel like kicking some butt. You’re so stressed and would love to pick a fight with a random stranger to let off some steam. I mean, blacken their eyes, bloody their nose, and kick them in the balls.

Now, if you expect me to say “Don’t do it,” I won’t. Few things are more crushing than swallowing your anger. If you can’t cope with it, you better let it go, somehow.

But before you start thinking I’m a juiced up jock who loves getting into random bar fights, let me explain my point.

Instead of fighting with random people on the street, visit your local gym. See if they offer some kind of fighting lessons—such as MMA or Boxing—and join the class.

Generally speaking, these places are safe, and you can fight with people at your “level.”

It’s a fantastic way to relieve some stress without ending up with a broken nose or leg.

2. Let The Rain Wash Away Your Stress

For some strange reason, we seem to relax when we listen to the heavenly sound of rain.

Think about it. What’s more relaxing than sitting on your window seat cushion on a rainy day? The mere fact of witnessing this glorious show of nature seems to shut up our inner demons and help us find calm.

Now, wouldn’t be wonderful that every time you felt stressed, you could listen to the rain?

Now you can.

This free app from SimplyNoise allows you to switch on the sound of rain at any time, anywhere you go.

So next time you feel overwhelmed, put on your headphones and let the rain wash away your stress.

3. Apply This 20-Second Relaxation Trick

Every time you feel cornered by negative emotions, apply this simple exercise:

Step 1: Close your eyes and bring to your mind something that makes you happy. Anything you’re grateful for in life. It can be a good memory, a person, a thing, a job or whatever. If you’re genuinely thankful for it, it will work.

Step 2: Sharpen the image in your mind. Think about the details. How does it feel having this “thing” in your life? Does it make you feel happy? Or blessed? Or excited? Capture these feelings and try to make them vivid.

The point of this short exercise is to fill your mind with happy thoughts. If these thoughts are clear enough, you should start feeling more relaxed. So make sure to “sharpen” this mental image as much as you can.

“Simple,” You think, “But does it really work?”

The answer lies in understanding two things:

First, you can’t feel more than one emotion at a time. If you’re happy or excited or peaceful, you can’t feel stressed simultaneously.

And second, your thoughts dictate how you feel. If you think stressful things, you’ll feel stressed. If you stuff your brain with peaceful thoughts, you’ll feel more peaceful.

It’s that simple.

4. Embrace Minimalism

We live in a complex world.

Every day, we’re bombarded with a myriad of “micro” choices…

What outfit should I wear today? What do I want for breakfast? Should I get to work or just sit on my couch and watch some TV? Should I post a new status on my Facebook wall? Should I go to that party or get some rest? Whatever. You get the point.

At first glance, these questions seem harmless. But having to make so many decisions every day makes you accumulate stress (the price of modern life, huh?).

Now, minimalism can make your life way simpler. How? By emptying your life from all that unnecessary stuff.

Have a pair of shoes you don’t use? Why not give them to charity? Have a bunch of nonworking devices stored in your garage? Why not get rid of them? Why not get rid of your TV, by the way? Tough choice. I know. But if you think about it, you’ll realize you can live without it.

Label all your possessions with “I need it” and “I don’t need it,” and put all your garbage where it should be…in the trash can.

I promise. You’ll feel way better after that.

It’s Time to Find Your Calm

Stop for a moment and ask yourself:

“Am I willing to find my calm?”

You see, many people complain about how stressed they are. But when the time comes to do something about it, they hesitate. They aren’t willing to move from their comfort zone and take action.

And now it’s time to decide once and for all. Are you serious about supporting yourself in this journey?

If you’re serious, then pick one of the ideas you learned today, and apply it.

Because that’s the first step to turning your ugly life into a great one.


Andy Poncebot is on a lifelong mission to help people discover who they truly are and to make their empty, boring life, sparkle. Take his 9-question quiz:  “What Ancient Mantra Better Fits Your Personality?” to learn more about yourself and see how a simple group of words can transform your life forever.

You’ve read Slay Stress: 4 Ideas For People Who Can’t Find Their Calm, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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Slay Stress: 4 Ideas For People Who Can’t Find Their Calm

You’re reading Slay Stress: 4 Ideas For People Who Can’t Find Their Calm, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

slay stress

Every night is the same thing…

You’re lying in bed, but you can’t sleep.

You try sleeping on your left side. You try sleeping on your right side. You try sleeping on your back. But still, you’re wide awake.

Too many things are going on in your life. You simply can’t shut down your mind.

Maybe your relationship is going downhill or your family is falling apart.

Maybe you owe more money than you make, and you’re worried about ending up living in a card box on the street.

Maybe you’re too busy and the pace of modern life is killing you.

But whatever your case is, you can’t cope with stress anymore.

And you may think the answer to stopping feeling this way is to keep your head down and solve your problems.

If you fix your relationship or find a better job or get your pending work done, you should feel more relaxed, right?

Well, yes and no.

Life is like a roller coaster. It has ups and downs. Even if you solve your current problems, more and more challenges will come in the future.

Thus, the answer lies not in solving your problems, but in learning to handle stress every time it seizes you.

And that’s exactly what this post contains. I’ll show you four original ideas to find the calm you’re looking for.

1. Kick Someone’s Butt

Admit it…sometimes you feel like kicking some butt. You’re so stressed and would love to pick a fight with a random stranger to let off some steam. I mean, blacken their eyes, bloody their nose, and kick them in the balls.

Now, if you expect me to say “Don’t do it,” I won’t. Few things are more crushing than swallowing your anger. If you can’t cope with it, you better let it go, somehow.

But before you start thinking I’m a juiced up jock who loves getting into random bar fights, let me explain my point.

Instead of fighting with random people on the street, visit your local gym. See if they offer some kind of fighting lessons—such as MMA or Boxing—and join the class.

Generally speaking, these places are safe, and you can fight with people at your “level.”

It’s a fantastic way to relieve some stress without ending up with a broken nose or leg.

2. Let The Rain Wash Away Your Stress

For some strange reason, we seem to relax when we listen to the heavenly sound of rain.

Think about it. What’s more relaxing than sitting on your window seat cushion on a rainy day? The mere fact of witnessing this glorious show of nature seems to shut up our inner demons and help us find calm.

Now, wouldn’t be wonderful that every time you felt stressed, you could listen to the rain?

Now you can.

This free app from SimplyNoise allows you to switch on the sound of rain at any time, anywhere you go.

So next time you feel overwhelmed, put on your headphones and let the rain wash away your stress.

3. Apply This 20-Second Relaxation Trick

Every time you feel cornered by negative emotions, apply this simple exercise:

Step 1: Close your eyes and bring to your mind something that makes you happy. Anything you’re grateful for in life. It can be a good memory, a person, a thing, a job or whatever. If you’re genuinely thankful for it, it will work.

Step 2: Sharpen the image in your mind. Think about the details. How does it feel having this “thing” in your life? Does it make you feel happy? Or blessed? Or excited? Capture these feelings and try to make them vivid.

The point of this short exercise is to fill your mind with happy thoughts. If these thoughts are clear enough, you should start feeling more relaxed. So make sure to “sharpen” this mental image as much as you can.

“Simple,” You think, “But does it really work?”

The answer lies in understanding two things:

First, you can’t feel more than one emotion at a time. If you’re happy or excited or peaceful, you can’t feel stressed simultaneously.

And second, your thoughts dictate how you feel. If you think stressful things, you’ll feel stressed. If you stuff your brain with peaceful thoughts, you’ll feel more peaceful.

It’s that simple.

4. Embrace Minimalism

We live in a complex world.

Every day, we’re bombarded with a myriad of “micro” choices…

What outfit should I wear today? What do I want for breakfast? Should I get to work or just sit on my couch and watch some TV? Should I post a new status on my Facebook wall? Should I go to that party or get some rest? Whatever. You get the point.

At first glance, these questions seem harmless. But having to make so many decisions every day makes you accumulate stress (the price of modern life, huh?).

Now, minimalism can make your life way simpler. How? By emptying your life from all that unnecessary stuff.

Have a pair of shoes you don’t use? Why not give them to charity? Have a bunch of nonworking devices stored in your garage? Why not get rid of them? Why not get rid of your TV, by the way? Tough choice. I know. But if you think about it, you’ll realize you can live without it.

Label all your possessions with “I need it” and “I don’t need it,” and put all your garbage where it should be…in the trash can.

I promise. You’ll feel way better after that.

It’s Time to Find Your Calm

Stop for a moment and ask yourself:

“Am I willing to find my calm?”

You see, many people complain about how stressed they are. But when the time comes to do something about it, they hesitate. They aren’t willing to move from their comfort zone and take action.

And now it’s time to decide once and for all. Are you serious about supporting yourself in this journey?

If you’re serious, then pick one of the ideas you learned today, and apply it.

Because that’s the first step to turning your ugly life into a great one.


Andy Poncebot is on a lifelong mission to help people discover who they truly are and to make their empty, boring life, sparkle. Take his 9-question quiz:  “What Ancient Mantra Better Fits Your Personality?” to learn more about yourself and see how a simple group of words can transform your life forever.

You’ve read Slay Stress: 4 Ideas For People Who Can’t Find Their Calm, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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The Moment You’ve Been Waiting For

By Leo Babauta

Our lives are spent building up to more important moments, later, the moments when we’ll be happy.

But when those moments come, we’re not happier. In fact, we’re already looking ahead to the next big moments: an upcoming trip, a big project being completed, meeting up with friends, getting that great thing you ordered online, finding your next favorite book, meal, drink, experience.

What if that wonderful moment we’ve been waiting for is this one, right now?

What if this very moment is the most important moment of our lives?

What if we stopped working for something later, and instead started paying full attention to right now?

What if we stopped thinking happiness is coming soon, and tried to see what was in front of us, and find happiness in that?

What if this were the moment we’ve been waiting for all along?

How to Appreciate This Moment We’ve Been Waiting For

If this is the most important moment of your life, some ways you could appreciate it:

  • Stop right now and notice what is right in front of you. Find a way to be grateful for this particular moment.
  • If you are looking forward to something in the future (or anticipating anything in the future), turn instead to what’s right here, and see this as your big moment, filled with wonder and the brilliance of life.
  • If you are rushing (like I often am), instead give yourself the gift of full attention to right now.
  • If you have to hurry for some reason … you can move quickly and still appreciate this moment, appreciate your motion, appreciate how your body feels in the middle of this.
  • If your life seems “blah” right now, compared to how you would like it to be … take this as a beautiful opportunity to examine your ideals about life (why does it need to be exciting or entertaining?), to practice letting them go, and to see the incredible richness of the life around you, if you pay close attention and find curiosity inside you. This is a gorgeous opportunity, to be appreciated.
  • If you are going through difficulty or pain … see this as a good opportunity to turn towards your pain or difficult feelings (anger, depression, frustration) … to be present with it, to stay with it, to be curious about it, to be kind towards it … maybe this moment isn’t filled with joy, but it’s still the most important moment of your life, because in this moment, you find the mindfulness and courage to open your heart to your actual experience, to see it as a path for learning, growth, and open-heartedness, to use it as a touching point into the goodness that’s inside of you.
  • If this moment is filled with fear, uncertainty, immense change, or anxiety … see this as a powerfully important moment to turn towards these feelings, to see that you’re reacting to the great groundlessness of your life at the moment, and to start to learn to embrace this groundlessness, not as something to run from or push away or be reactive towards … but to get comfortable with. If you can find peace in the middle of groundlessness, you open up to the ever-changing nature of life, and can be at peace no matter what life throws at you.
  • If there is someone with you right now, you can turn towards them and open up to who they are right now, and see them as a manifestation of life’s incredible beauty. How can you appreciate this human being, and see that your time with them is limited and precious?
  • No matter what you’re doing, you can turn inward and see the innate goodness in your heart. This is always there, always accessible to us, and something not to be taken for granted. Also appreciate your body, your eyes that can see flowers and the sky, your ears that can hear laughter and music, your feet that can walk the Earth, your breath.

These are just a few ideas — let yourself explore a thousand other ways to appreciate this most important of moments, in the most loving way you can — with your full attention.

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The Good Fight – How to Get Closer Through Conflict

You’re reading The Good Fight – How to Get Closer Through Conflict, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Holding hands

Holding hands

Based on the acclaimed book, Peace Q: Increasing the Capacity for Peace Within and Beyond by Jennifer Freed, PhD.

Fighting in a relationship is not a big problem. How you fight with a mate or a friend is the real issue. John Gottman’s research shows arguments and perpetual issues are healthy in committed relationships as long as couples know how to resolve difficulties as they arise. If you are authentic and honest, you will disagree with your partner, get hurt and be angry at times. Working through hurt and anger are the pathway for true intimacy.

Couples that report high satisfaction in their relationships know how to work with the inevitable ruptures or disagreements that come up from time to time. These couples can find humor in the reoccurring themes of their arguments. 

On the other hand, making a wall out of anger leads to distance and contempt. Bad habit fighters rarely feel they have resolution or closeness from conflict. They usually live in a world of emotional bruises that never seem to heal.

Signs of bad fighting habits

Using five or more of these tactics mans you are eroding healthy relationships and need to learn the good fight. It’s never too late to learn better communication. Here are the signs:

  • Blaming your partner for their faults
  • Calling your partner names or expletives
  • Lashing out when you are inebriated
  • Cutting your partner off when you are hurt
  • Responding to your partner’s complaints with your own
  • Shouting
  • Threatening to leave the relationship / physical violence

Good fight tactics all involve one premise: being close than right. Unfortunately, most people have been taught they must fight to win. Winning means losing love.

Ground Rules

  • Only one person talks at a time
  • Take time out to cool down – it’s healthy and helpful when one person becomes flooded with uncontrollable emotion
  • Agree on a time to talk and make time for an in-depth discussion
  • Understand the differences presented in the conflict
  • Choose a physical location that protects your privacy and offers an opportunity to express vulnerable emotions
  • Both parties are rested and sober

Signs of a good fighter

  • Accountability for behavior
  • Making requests instead of complaints
  • Listening more than speaking
  • Willing to reveal fears and vulnerabilities
  • Acknowledging your partner’s point of view

The good fight is a fight for love instead of righteousness. A battle for true understanding instead of revenge and a struggle for authentic revelation instead of defensive competition.

You’ve read The Good Fight – How to Get Closer Through Conflict, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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The Good Fight – How to Get Closer Through Conflict

You’re reading The Good Fight – How to Get Closer Through Conflict, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Holding hands

Holding hands

Based on the acclaimed book, Peace Q: Increasing the Capacity for Peace Within and Beyond by Jennifer Freed, PhD.

Fighting in a relationship is not a big problem. How you fight with a mate or a friend is the real issue. John Gottman’s research shows arguments and perpetual issues are healthy in committed relationships as long as couples know how to resolve difficulties as they arise. If you are authentic and honest, you will disagree with your partner, get hurt and be angry at times. Working through hurt and anger are the pathway for true intimacy.

Couples that report high satisfaction in their relationships know how to work with the inevitable ruptures or disagreements that come up from time to time. These couples can find humor in the reoccurring themes of their arguments. 

On the other hand, making a wall out of anger leads to distance and contempt. Bad habit fighters rarely feel they have resolution or closeness from conflict. They usually live in a world of emotional bruises that never seem to heal.

Signs of bad fighting habits

Using five or more of these tactics mans you are eroding healthy relationships and need to learn the good fight. It’s never too late to learn better communication. Here are the signs:

  • Blaming your partner for their faults
  • Calling your partner names or expletives
  • Lashing out when you are inebriated
  • Cutting your partner off when you are hurt
  • Responding to your partner’s complaints with your own
  • Shouting
  • Threatening to leave the relationship / physical violence

Good fight tactics all involve one premise: being close than right. Unfortunately, most people have been taught they must fight to win. Winning means losing love.

Ground Rules

  • Only one person talks at a time
  • Take time out to cool down – it’s healthy and helpful when one person becomes flooded with uncontrollable emotion
  • Agree on a time to talk and make time for an in-depth discussion
  • Understand the differences presented in the conflict
  • Choose a physical location that protects your privacy and offers an opportunity to express vulnerable emotions
  • Both parties are rested and sober

Signs of a good fighter

  • Accountability for behavior
  • Making requests instead of complaints
  • Listening more than speaking
  • Willing to reveal fears and vulnerabilities
  • Acknowledging your partner’s point of view

The good fight is a fight for love instead of righteousness. A battle for true understanding instead of revenge and a struggle for authentic revelation instead of defensive competition.

You’ve read The Good Fight – How to Get Closer Through Conflict, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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10 Things You Can Do When You Think Life Sucks

“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.”
Harriet Beecher Stowe

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.”
William Shakespeare

“If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today.”
E. Joseph Cossman

Life is not always great or an exciting journey.

At times it may not even feel OK.

When you’ve had several setbacks in a row, bad luck or things aren’t going your way – even though you do your best – then it may feel like life simply and honestly sucks.

I think most of us have had days and likely longer periods like weeks or months when we’ve thought about life like this and felt pretty glum and like there’s a personal little rain cloud over your head.

What can you do when that happens?

In this article I’d like to share 10 things that have helped me when I’ve been in that situation.

I hope you find something here that’ll help you out.

1. It’s OK to feel frustrated (but know how to handle it so you don’t get stuck).

When things aren’t going your way then you sometimes get frustrated. That’s natural and OK. So instead of trying to push these emotions away accept and process them.

But also know how to not get stuck in them because then they’ll just suck a lot of energy and time from your week.

One thing that helps me to reduce that frustration so I can move forward once again is to stop my thoughts from bouncing around in the past or a possible future by reconnecting with this moment.

Two of my favorite ways for doing that are to:

  • Focus on my breathing. I sit down with closed eyes and then just focus on the air going in and out of my nose. I do that for 1-2 minutes while making sure that I take calm and slightly deep breathes than I usually do and I breathe with my belly (and not my chest).
  • Focus on what is around me for 1-2 minutes. The people going by out on the street. The slight draft from one of the windows. The warmth from the radiator. The snow slowly falling outside my window and the soft clothes on my skin. This brings my attention fully back to what is here right now.

By doing one of these things for just that tiny amount of time I calm down and it becomes easier to focus and to think clearly again.

I then follow that up with the next habit in this article…

2. Tap into gratitude for the simplest of things.

This is usually my next step when I want to reduce frustration. But it works well on its own too when you feel like life sucks.

Because during those times it’s easy to go from feeling sorry for yourself for a while into full on victim thinking that lasts for too long and drags you down.

I find that zooming out a bit during these times helps.

So I ask myself: what are 3 simple things that I can still be grateful for having in my life?

A handful of answers that I tend to come back to often are at least partly things that are basic for me but many out there in the world still don’t have access to. Like for example:

  • A roof over my head and a warm home.
  • Plenty of drinkable water.
  • I don’t have to go hungry.
  • The simple pleasures of life like a sunset or a relaxing walk in the woods.
  • My family and friends.

3. Focus more on the small how-tos and less on the whys.

Processing what happened and what you feel is certainly important. But instead of taking the common route of dwelling on the whys of the negative situation 80% of the time and looking for solutions 20% of the time switch those numbers around.

Spend more of your time on finding the small and practical steps you can take to make things better (even if it’s just a little better at this time).

By doing so you’ll start to feel more confident and less suffocated and paralyzed as you are moving forward once again.

4. Reminder: This is temporary. And there is a brand new day tomorrow.

Just because this day or the last week didn’t go well doesn’t mean that there is not a brand new day tomorrow.

A day when you can start anew.

With taking action to move towards what you want, likely having a bit more luck and when it will be easier to see that this difficult time is only temporary and not permanent (even if it might feel that way right now).

5. Ask yourself: What is going well in my life though?

It is very easy to get stuck in focusing on the negative things when you start thinking that life or your week or month isn’t going well.

But don’t forget that there are still things that are going well in your life. It may be small things.

When I had several setbacks last year I asked myself this question and it helped me to open up my mind and to not get too focused on only the things that weren’t going so well. By opening my mind I could see that many vital things like my small business, my exercise habit and flossing habit were indeed going well and that several fun things had happened recently too.

6. Setbacks can be very valuable if I let them.

I know this may sound like a cliche. And when I’m having a tough time then it’s not what I usually like to hear. But at the same time I must admit that it’s often true.

And it’s an important thing for me to reminder myself of because it reduces the pain I feel from a setback since I know that this shall pass and that I will usually get something good out of it in the end.

Now, a common way of looking at failures, mistakes and obstacles on your journey is of course as something negative and as things that should be avoided.

But trying to actively avoid them at any price usually leads to analysis paralysis and a lack of taking any significant action at all.

And the setbacks and mistakes in life can indeed be very helpful. If you let them. So before you start moving on from one of them ask yourself:

  • What is one thing I can learn from this situation?
  • How can I adjust my course to avoid this trap/making the same mistake and to likely do better the next time?

These questions have helped me to improve a lot about how I do things in life and to avoid making the same mistakes over and over again.

7. Reminder: It’s OK to have a bad day.

Sometimes a bad day will just be a bad day. Even if you use a couple of the previous tips and strategies.

Because no matter what you do, life will never be perfect, awesome or peaceful all the time.

It will still have natural valleys even if you adopt many new and positive habits.

And that’s OK.

But here’s the upside…

If you actually accept that this is how life is from time to time – and you stop clinging to a dream of perfection – then your life will become lighter and simpler and you’ll be less stressed out and able to more constructively handle that bad day when it does show up on your doorstep.

8. Let it out.

Keeping things bottled up and not letting them out makes it – in my experience – easier to start making mountains out of molehills. And unbeatable nightmares out of things that do genuinely suck.

So let what is weighing on you out.

You can do it by:

  • Talking it over with someone close to you. Maybe you just need to vent and to figure things out for yourself as he or she listens. Or maybe the two of you can talk it through to ground the situation in reality. And to come up with the start of a plan for what you can do.
  • Writing about it in a journal. Just letting your thoughts, worries and emotions out on paper or a computer screen can be a relief. And it can help you to start structuring things, to think things through and to start seeing possible solutions or small steps you can take.

9. Work it out.

When things are bad and you cannot think yourself out of the state of mind that it leads you to then take another route.

Stop using your head and start using your body.

  • Go for a walk in the wintery landscape.
  • Play badminton or soccer with friends.
  • Head to the gym and work out in some way.

Will the situation perhaps still suck when you get back? Yes. But maybe less so than you first thought.

Because now you have less inner tensions and renewed mental clarity and energy. I have found in my own life that this makes a huge difference to change my perspective and to start working myself out of a negative situation.

10. It’s always darkest before the dawn.

This thought helped me to hold on when things looked bleak for many months and to keep going when my social skills and dating life was just plain bad.

It helped me to keep going when things looked like they would never pick up for my own small online business.

Why? Because I have found it to be true.

When things seemed to be at the lowest point something always happened. Often because being at that low point forced me to change something in how I did things.

But maybe also because life seems to have some kind of balance if I just keep going. If I keep taking action instead of giving up and doing nothing then something good always happens.

Seeing this repeat itself year after year strengthened my belief in taking action and to keep going even on rough days or weeks.

And it brings some comfort even when things look pretty dark.

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6 Ways to Embrace Jealousy

You’re reading 6 Ways to Embrace Jealousy, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.” – Unknown   

In Mandarin Chinese, “a vinegar jar” is referred to as a person with a jealous nature.
As a recovering perfectionist and an overachiever, taming jealousy has been one of my biggest challenge on the self-discovery journey.

Truth be told, I had been a giant “vinegar jar” all my life ever since I was little.  The tiniest situation with minimal threat could spark like a matchstick and prompt a strong, acidic inner fire running through my veins in just a second.  It’s like having a built-in radar that can detect any level of external competition going on in the air…

“Why can she deserve all the attention and love?!”

“Life’s not fair.  I work my heart out also, why can’t I get to that same level?!”

“She’s just born lucky…”

It can go on and on…

Almost all of us have experienced jealousy at varying degrees at one point or another.  And It’s part of being human to experience different emotions.  It’s normal to get jealous at people for the things we don’t have yet.  But, often, it causes most of the drama in life.  The need to measure up can really get into our psyche and make us act bizarrely when we don’t allow ourselves to process this awkward emotion.  As a result, it sabotages our relationships with others.

For the sake of looking better than how we really feel inside, we either stuff that jealousy inside or let it turns into resentment.  Either way, we are not getting more compensated emotionally.  We become unauthentic towards how we truly feel and what we want to express.

1. Celebrate others’ success like it’s your own

It’s easier said than done.  We are still living in a world of separation.  Celebrating for other’s success isn’t a natural behavior in this social structure where we honor outstanding performance through constant competition.  But the fact is that we are oneness.  When we enable ourselves to celebrate other’s achievements with genuine blessings and open-heartedness, we are at the receiving end as well.

2. Hone in your unique gift

As human, we tend to rate our work-in-progress with other brilliant performers who share similar talents or gifts.  It’s important to remind ourselves not to fall into the comparison trap so we can focus on honing in our crafts and skills with a growth mindset.

Practice makes proficient, not perfection.  When we are aiming to be perfect, it’s easy to dwell on the need to be better and start beating ourselves up for being inadequate.

Every single one of us is born unique and special in so many different ways.  The biggest difference is how much people allow themselves to appreciate and embody their own gifts and talents without getting into the subconscious competition mode.  There is only one You.  The innate traits in you are non-duplicable.

When you are willing to be comfortable in your own skin, and not to judge yourself by the social norms, you allow the true self-confidence to shine from within unapologetically.

3. You have “that part” to be cultivated

The fact that it’s so hard to celebrate other people’s success is because of our inner longing for the same thing that we don’t seem to have physically.

We are energetic beings.  When things are really distant from your energy field, you don’t perceive them.  But, when you perceive something that stirs up the jealousy in you, it actually means that you are drawing the things approaching your field. Instead of seeing the things as you don’t have them, start looking at it as “the things you want is coming closer to you.”

A mantra: “The more I celebrate for people’s success, the luckier I get.”

4. Count the blessings

We need to consciously heal this part of us that are coming from a place of lack.  Deep down, we are yearning to be more of who we are.  More successful.  More empowering. More purposeful in life.  More authentic.  More self-honoring.

When you feel the wave of jealousy coming at you, it’s a great opportunity, to be honest with yourself.  If the feeling sustains you, or it drains you.

Daily gratitude is the best tool to heal the scarcity in you.  You can use sticky notes to put the word, gratitude everywhere to remind you to count the blessings so your heart can feel nourished.

The more you are grateful for what you have, the more it comes to you.  Don’t go into jealousy for what other people have because that is a block.  You tell the Universe that this is what you don’t have.

5. Exercise compassion

A negative comment can be a form of jealousy.  We can develop more compassion towards the situation when receiving negative judgments from other people.  Empathy is an awesome healer.  Realizing that you probably have something (e.g., physical possessions, talent or gifts) people “desire to have,” and they don’t yet find the way to have it.

It’s important not to let in these energies as they don’t belong to you.  They are merely the projection onto you from others.  Understand where these comments are originated from, but continue to believe in yourself and march towards your dreams and goals instead of being hindered.

6. Open up to authentic communication

Rather than focusing on the negative vibe that jealousy can put on you, look at it as an opportunity to express your vulnerability.  Where is this emotional flare-up coming from?  Is there an underlying fear of loss, abandonment, judgment?

When we give ourselves permission to talk about the deeper feelings behind jealousy, we become more honest and open with not only ourselves, but it supports us build relationships with greater intimacy.


Jen Yang is a Self-Love catalyst, an empath, and a recovering perfectionist. She is passionate about supporting busy professional women to tune into their own feminine power, to feel confident and enthusiastic about their life, relationships, and work, and to claim back their worth.

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5 Ways to Conquer Stress When Life is Overwhelming You

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I get it, you’re overwhelmed.

You feel like you’re being pulled in every direction.

When you fall into bed at night you wonder where the day went.

You never get any time for yourself. You often give your last ounce of energy to the next person in line who requests another chunk of your precious time.

It’s frustrating.

You can’t cope with all this stress. You can’t help but wonder, will life always be like this?

You know you can’t go on like this for much longer.

Something has to change.

Have a look at these five stress busting strategies I use when life gets chaotic.

1. Say ‘Yes’ More Often

You’ve heard the advice before, just say no! Though sometimes saying no is more stressful than saying yes. If you’re like me, the thought of saying no to someone can trigger all sorts of uncomfortable feelings. Especially when you’re feeling stressed and vulnerable. You don’t want to offend anybody. You don’t want to burn bridges. After all, these people have helped you in the past so why shouldn’t you return the favor? I know the feeling. I found that during times of increased stress it has helped me to say yes, though with a limit.

“Yes, sure, I can pop over and help you with [INSERT FAVOR REQUEST] but I’ve only got thirty minutes to spare.”

By saying yes and including a time limit you remain in control of your time. You aren’t leaving yourself wide open to somebody who might think you have more time on your hands.

2. Don’t Meditate

It’s frustrating to try and sit down for fifteen minutes to meditate when the environment you’re in is noisy and disorderly. I have found it much more beneficial to actually stop meditating completely when life is more stressful than usual. You’ll find yourself feeding your stress by forcing yourself to meditate. If it isn’t going to happen, let it go. Instead, check in with your breathing and practice mindfulness as you go about your daily activities. Doing this for a few minutes a handful of times throughout the day feels much better than sitting for one longer meditation session.

3. Get Out of Bed Earlier

If you live in a chaotic household it’s no fun starting the day feeling stressed. It sets the tone for the rest of the day and leaves you feeling like you’re chasing your tail until bed time. The solution to this is simple. Rather than getting up at the same time as everybody else, get up earlier and use the time for yourself. This could be valuable time to journal, write a to-do list or simply be in silence. You’ll start the day feeling calmer and ready to tackle your priorities

4. Start Having ‘Quiet Time’

If like me you live in a busy and sometimes noisy environment consider implementing just thirty minutes of ‘quiet time’ into your daily routine. Silence can do wonders for reducing stress levels. Research studies conclude that exposure to sounds that are prologued and consistent increase stress levels significantly.

In our house we have decided, as a family, to have thirty minutes of silence every evening. That doesn’t mean you have to sit there staring at each other stifling silly giggles. Use the time productively. The children can either read a book or do some drawing whilst the adults of your household can simply sit with each other, read or just enjoy the moment with your eyes shut.

5. How to Defeat Stress: Render it Powerless!

The clock will never stop ticking. The situations you find yourself in won’t last forever. Everything is temporary. So let go of your frustrations and instead really feel and live what you are going through. Rather than being affected by your emotions stop and take some time to observe them. Flip stress on its head and use it in your favor. I find that when I’m experiencing a particularly stressful period of time, and when I accept that I cannot change the circumstance, I not only handle it a lot better I feel better. When you accept that you cannot control everything that is going on around you start to see it from a different perspective. You start to feel different about the situation and that, ultimately, renders it powerless. You can experience adversity without being affected by it. But it takes work.

There’s no doubt about it, stress sucks.

It’s overwhelming and draining.

When you’re pulled in every direction it feels like your existing, not living.

But you want to change that. And you can.

You can quit this toxic cycle of chaos and start living the calm life you desire.

Just pick one of the strategies above and use it consistently for the next week and see how you feel. Then add another. Over time you’ll start to notice how lighter and happier you feel.

But only you can make it happen.

I’m routing for you.

————

Russell is on a mission to simplify one million overwhelmed lives. He wants to help you gain control of your overwhelming and stressful life so you can live with more calm and fulfillment. Get the free toolkit 14 Ways to Create a Calm Life.

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Why I’m Always in a Hurry, & What I’m Doing About It

By Leo Babauta

I’ve come to realize, more and more, that I’m always rushing.

I rush from one task to the next, rush through eating my food, impatient for meditation to be over, rushing through reading something, rushing to get somewhere, anxious to get a task or project finished.

What’s the deal? This coming from a guy who has written a lot about slowing down and savoring, about being present, about single-tasking?

As always, when I write these articles, they’re as much a reminder to myself about what I’ve found to work as they are a reminder to all of you. I’ve found them to work, but that doesn’t mean I always remember to practice them. It doesn’t mean I’m perfect, by any means.

So what is going on? Why do I hurry so much?

I’ve been reflecting on this, and the answer seems to be that my mind has a tendency towards greed. This isn’t greed in the sense that I want a lot of wealth … but my mind finds something it likes and it wants more. Always more.

Some examples of greed:

  • I like chocolate (or wine, or coffee, or cookies) and I crave it, and want more even if I just had a bite of it.
  • I am doing a task but also want to do 20 more tasks, because I want to do as much as possible. Wanting to do more and more, to do everything, is a good example of the mind’s tendency to greed.
  • When I learn, I want to learn everything about a topic. I’ll look up every book I can find, every blog post or article, every podcast or video, every forum post, and want to read all of it. Of course, I can’t possibly read all of it now, but I want to. I’ll buy 10 books but jump around from one to the next, not finishing any of them.
  • When I travel to a new city, I want to see it all — all the best sights, all the best vegan restaurants, all the best bookstores and museums and experiences. I can’t possibly, but I’ll do my best to fit all the best stuff into the small container of my trip, and research it for weeks.
  • When I’m going about my day, I try to fit as much as possible into it: not only all my tasks, but spending time with the wife, reading with the kids, working out and meditating and doing yoga and going for a walk and reading and learning online and answering all my emails, watching all the best TV shows and films, and checking all the forums and news and blogs and more and more.

I rush around, trying to fit all of that in. I’m trying to maximize every day, every trip, every event, every moment. I’m trying to get everything possible out of life.

This comes from a good heart — I appreciate the briefness of life, and I appreciate its brilliance, and I want all of it in the short time I have left here. That’s not a bad thing, wanting more of life.

But what is the result of always wanting more, always wanting to maximize? It’s rushing, grabbing onto everything, never having enough, never being satisfied, never actually stopping to enjoy, not really appreciating each moment because I’m greedy for more great moments.

Indulging in this greediness for more, this maximizing everything, doesn’t satisfy it. It just creates more wanting for more.

Indulging isn’t helpful. Staying with the feeling of wanting more, wanting to maximize, wanting to rush, wanting to do it all … that’s more helpful. Stay with the feeling, Leo, don’t indulge it.

Don’t try to do it all, but instead be here now.

Don’t rush, but appreciate the moments in between things as just as important as the next thing.

Don’t try to maximize, but instead practice letting go. Let go of greedy tendencies, let go of whatever you’re clinging to (having it all, doing it all), let go of the urge to rush.

Whenever there’s a tendency towards greed, counter it with generosity.

The Practice of Generosity

What does generosity have to do with hurrying and trying to maximize every day? In one sense, generosity might be giving money or possessions to people who need it, or giving help wherever needed, when possible. But that’s just one sense of generosity.

Generosity is any way that we turn away from our self-centered view and start turning towards others. It could be as simple as turning towards another person in our life and trying to see what they need, rather than focusing on what we want to get out of life.

Or it could be turning towards that person and giving them the gift of our full attention. Really try to be present, with an open heart, trying to understand and hear the person. This is the spirit of generosity.

When doing something alone, the spirit of generosity can be turned to each moment — giving that moment the full gift of our attention, seeing it fully and opening our heart to it. This is a salve to the usual spirit of needing more, more, more, of wanting to satisfy me, me, me.

I’m trying to practice the spirit of generosity, whenever I notice my greedy mind wanting everything, wanting more, wanting to get the most out of every day. Instead, I turn to this moment, each person, each activity, and give it the loving gift of my wholehearted attention.

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How to Read a Book a Week (52 Books in 52 Weeks)

You’re reading How to Read a Book a Week (52 Books in 52 Weeks), originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

book-a-week

New year resolutions are something that I don’t share publicly.

The goals I write down are personal and most of them won’t be applicable to others. However, I did identify one resolution that I think can be helpful. For the past few years, I’ve stacked books on top of books (virtually) based on recommendations I’ve received from friends, podcast guests, and my personal discoveries.

The problem was: I’ve never made the time (and priority) to set up the right systems to read more books.

Now, I’m laying out a public challenge to you and myself called ‘The BAW (Book A Week) Challenge’.
The goal is simple: read 52 books in one year (one a week; four a month).

*Note: Yes, this is published in March so if you want to participate it can be 48 books.

If you just want the list of books that I’ll be reading, you can scroll down. If you’re interested in participating, read on.

How I’m approaching the reading process

1. Picking 1-3 areas of my life that I want to most improve or optimize

This year, with the goal to find more balance, I’ve decided to pick diversified topics most important in my life: Health & Wellness, Wealth & Business, Biographies. You can decide to go deep in one topic, and just read books on business, or just on health. Personally my ADHD will drive me nuts, but whatever floats your boat!

2. Create a list of books you want to read

Scour the web, browse through Amazon, take some of my suggestions — do whatever you need to get as many recommendations as possible. Make sure it’s from a diversified circle of people or source, so you can get a diversified group of books. Try to go beyond 52 books if you can.

3. Categorize them into the 1-3 areas 

  • If you have more than 2+ topics, you can either:
    • Read 4 books a month on one topic, then 4 books on the next. Or…
    • Diversify by reading books on each topic every month (this is my approach)
  • Have a free for all section
    • This gives you the freedom to either choose a book that is not related to the topics you chose, or read another book around your chosen topic. For me, these are topics around psychology, philosophy, relationships, history, fiction books, and more.

4.  Go through your book list and start adding books in the order that you’re interested in 

What usually works for me is to select topics that I can immediately apply in my life. Otherwise, you feel forced to read something that’s not directly applicable.

Another tip to keep in mind is to do some back research on the length of each book. For example, you wouldn’t want to cram in multiple 400-page books in the span of a month. Unless you’re a reading machine, then all the power to you! And last but not least…

5. Put the rest on your backlog

The backlog is there in case you run into a book that you lose interest in (which happens more often than you think). I’ve found that it’s rarely a good idea to finish a book for the sake of finishing a book. If you’re not vibing with the author, drop it and move on.

 

My last $0.02

  • Take the time to study the process of reading faster. If you’re going to be reading 100,000’s of words, taking a few minutes to increase your reading speed can save you a massive amount of time.
  • Audiobooks can speed up your ‘reading’ MUCH faster. If you can retain non-fiction books in audio format, then this option is highly recommended. Although for certain books that involve more visual representation (such as bodybuilding or nutrition books), I prefer reading them.
  • Even though I’ve resisted Kindle for awhile (I’ve always liked the tangible feeling of books), adopting it into my life has been huge. I no longer have to carry around books when I travel, and I can bring one tablet that contains all of my books.
  • If you slip up and forget to read a book (which will happen), keep going. The real purpose of the challenge is not to read 52 books in 52 weeks, it’s to develop the habits, time management, and reading skills to read more books. As long as you end up reading more books than you normally would, you’ve already won.

Without further ado, here’s my book-a-week reading list. Use and share it as freely as you please.

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December

The Backlog

Health & Wellness

Mindset by Carol Dweck

Siddhartha by Hermann Herse

Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz

 

Business & Money

What They Don’t Teach You At Harvard Business School by Mark McCormack

As a Man Thinketh by James Allen

Small Giants by Bo Burlingham

Disrupt You by Jay Samit

Becoming a Category of One by Joe Calloway

 

Biographies

The Churchill Factor by Boris Johnson

Muhammad Ali: His Life And Times by Thomas Hauser

Empire State Of Mind: How Jay-Z Went From Street Corner To Corner Office by Zack O’Malley Greenburg

Churchill: A Life by Martin Gilbert

 

Other

Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu

A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson

On The Shortness of Life by Seneca

Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari 

What If? by Randall Monroe

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