Note: This post is written by Dan Stelter

Terrified in social situations?

Feel everyone’s eyes on you? Like they can’t wait for you to screw up so they can criticize you?

You may feel it’s impossible to overcome your fear.

Will you be reserved to the corner of the room, or maybe your own home, for your entire life?

Nope.

You can be confident and comfortable in social situations that have haunted you your entire life.

Well, you can if you follow these 90 strategies for overcoming shyness:

1. Your anxious thoughts lie to you. They always tell you you’ll mess up and someone will reject you. A rare few people do. Most don’t.
2. Open your mind to interpreting people’s actions differently. Usually, your anxiety looks for visual confirmation you “screwed up.” Your shyness aims to see this in someone’s face. Or words. Or actions. Assign new meanings to the way other people act. Perhaps, they’re equally afraid of you.
3. Ask your friend for their understanding of the situation. People comfortable in social situations have a realistic or optimistic understanding of other’s behavior. Ask someone you trust what they thought of the other person’s actions. Work on accepting their insight as reality.
4. Disrupt the ritual before you enter the anxiety-provoking situation. Your mind starts spinning anxious thoughts well before you enter the feared social situation. Disrupt that process by sharing your fears with someone you trust. Or journal them. Or sit down, relax, and let those thoughts pass by.
5. Don’t fight your fears. When you fight your fears, you lose every time. I do. Everyone does. So, don’t try to hide them. See them. Acknowledge them. Let them pass through your mind. Just like you’re standing and watching traffic.
6. Focus on what you can do for others. When you get anxious, you become gravely concerned everyone’s obsessed with criticizing you or perceiving you negatively. So, turn that process around by placing the focus on others. Ask them about their lives. Pull up a chair for them. Give them a compliment. It gets you out of yourself.
7. Eat more probiotics. Commonly found in yogurt, tempeh, and other fermented foods, new research published by Psychology Today shows eating probiotics reduces social anxiety.
8. Reduce your contact with negative people. Many people only make your shyness worse, and they don’t care about ways they can help you. Limit or eliminate your time with these people.
9. Do something healthy for yourself. This activity can be whatever makes you feel good about you. Perhaps you like to work with your hands. Or, you want to read a book. Do something you love simply because you love it.
10. Take care of your spiritual life. This fourth dimension of human nature, noted by Stephen Covey, often gets overlooked.
11. Never stop learning and growing. Most people stop learning after high school or college. Settle in your ways and change becomes hard. Never stop. Your social anxiety will have a difficult time catching up.
12. Share your anxious thoughts with someone you trust. Ideally, this would be another shy person. Try to meet someone online. Take the relationship offline. Discussing your anxious fears cuts them down to size.
13. Laugh at your shyness. Usually, you’re more scared of your own anxiety than anything else, right? Laugh at it. A couple times, I asked two other people at stores for help. Turns out, they weren’t even employees. Whoops!
14. Let go of outcomes. If you don’t hit it off with someone socially, remember you’re not responsible for that. The final outcome, whether things go your way or not, isn’t your responsibility.
15. …But taking action is. Directly entering those situations which make you anxious takes their power away. Taking action is your responsibility. But anything beyond that isn’t.
16. Let go of the pressure you put on yourself. As a shy person, you put intense pressure on yourself to not make perceived mistakes. You believe that you get more outcomes to go your way when you don’t. That only builds the pressure social anxiety puts on you. So let that thinking go too. It gives you more freedom to be yourself.
17. It’s totally okay for you not to be perfect. Do you know a “perfect” person? If you do, you don’t truly know them. If someone has to be perfect, they’re really deeply insecure with who they are. Give yourself permission to make mistakes.
18. Live your life one moment at a time. Shyness always pushes you waaaaaay into the future, or past. Instead, focus on this moment. Be here. Now. When your mind drifts, let the thinking go and refocus on now. Easy to say. Challenging to do.
19. Admit you don’t know what will happen. How many times have you been extremely anxious…only to find out what you feared never happened? Keep admitting to yourself you don’t know what comes next.
20. Watch less TV. Nielsen says the average 35-49 year old American watches nearly 34 hours of TV per week. TV itself doesn’t affect your social anxiety. But, it takes away time you could spend reducing your anxiety, like exercising, helping someone else, or spending time with friends.
21. Try cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT is currently the most effective therapy for social anxiety disorder. If you really want to find freedom from social anxiety, use CBT with guidance from a therapist.
22. Change your job. You’ll spend 35-50 hours per week at work for 30-40 years. You spend more hours working than time with your family. Might as well work a job you enjoy, right? Keep changing until you find one you love.
23. Take medication. I’m not a big fan of medication, but I do take it. It reduces your symptoms. That makes it easier for you to challenge your shyness and gain social skills.
24. Cut yourself, and everyone else, a break. You’re not perfect. No one else is, either. Give everyone some slack.
25. Let go of resentment. Social anxiety sometimes robs you of important life milestones (graduating school, dating, marriage, friends etc…). It’s easy to become consumed with resentment when life doesn’t go your way. Let go of it. It only separates you from others even more.
26. Let go of judging others. Your shyness criticizes you intensely. You often treat others the way you treat yourself. So, it’s easy to criticize and judge others. Whenever you want to do it, pray for the other person or wish them well.
27. Watch out for other personal struggles. Shy/socially anxious people often turn to addictions like alcohol and drugs for relief. Others develop depression. ADHD and bipolar also co-occur with shyness. Watch for these and work on them too. Left unchecked, they skyrocket your shyness.
28. Get enough sleep. Test what amount of sleep leads to you feeling rested. Get that every night. When you’re tired, anxiety grows.
29. …But don’t drink energy drinks. Most contain large amounts of caffeine. Not only does that disrupt your sleep, but it naturally agitates your social anxiety too.
30. Count your blessings. Sometimes, your shyness makes you feel like life has robbed or cheated you. Let go of the negative. Focus on the good things about your life and watch your anxiety melt away.
31. Get a pet. Pets require you to get outside of your mind. They require a fair amount of care. Plus, they love you. A nice little boost to your life.
32. List your strengths. Everyone has strengths. Including you. Make a list of what you do well. Spend more time doing that. Don’t think you have strengths? Time to get out there and try new things.
33. Spend time with people who appreciate you for who you are. Some people think you have something wrong with you. Others think you’re great. Spend more time with those who like you because you’re…you! If you don’t know people like this, keep joining groups and trying new stuff until you find your fit. Everyone fits somewhere.
34. Listen to others. What do most people love to talk about? Themselves! So, focus your conversation on them. Ask them questions about their life. Most never run out of things to say.
35. Go totally crazy. This one’s not for everyone. But, you could do goofy things in public, like asking every woman you see for her phone number. Burp obnoxiously while standing in line at your grocery store. It’s a crazy way to do CBT. For some, it works.
36. Stand up for yourself. Other people will sometimes try to run over you and have their way. So, stop them. Tell them, ”No.” You can be diplomatic, and tell them “no” in a longer way like, ”Sorry. I’m busy this weekend.” Scary at first. But you’ll feel great afterwards.
37. Stand up for someone else. See someone getting bullied? Is someone going out of their way to be a jerk? Stand up for the person they’re attacking. That person will be thankful for you. And you’ll again feel great about your growing confidence.
38. Admit everyone has a role in the world. The world wasn’t made just for gregarious extroverts. Socially anxious people have skills too. You may make a good listener, project manager, mentor, entrepreneur, friend, or even customer service rep. You have a spot. Find where you belong.
39. Let go of your need for affirmation. Everyone likes to have people admire them. But that’s dangerous. Because, then you continue to behave in ways to get it. Instead, let that thinking go. Realize you know people who love you. Trust them over strangers you just met.
40. Eat foods rich in vitamin B. Vitamins B1 and B12 have a lot to do with your mood. Consume them as supplements or get plenty of beef, pork, chicken, leafy greens, fruits, rice, nuts, and eggs in your diet.
41. Avoid sugar. Yeah, candy tastes great. But, sugar only creates a quick surge of energy. Then, you crash and feel tired and anxious again. Stay away from sugar where possible.
42. Take a hot bath or shower. Ever notice how cold and tight your body feels from anxiety? Relax your muscles (and mind) with hot water.
43. Burn pleasing aromas. Lavender, rose geranium, chamomile, clary sage, bergamot, jasmine, sandalwood, sweet marjoram, and ylang-ylang all relax your nerves.
44. Watch your favorite comedy. The Cancer Treatment Centers of America uses laughter to help treat cancer. No joke! You may also live longer if you laugh more. If you’re the shy/anxious type, you just can’t get enough of it.
45. Emotional freedom technique (EFT). Warning: this one sounds stupid at first. All you do is tap different “meridian points” around your body, while saying,”Even though I feel anxious, I deeply love and accept myself.” Theoretically, this releases energy blockages in your body. Works for some people.
46. Practice social skills. Sometimes, you don’t know what to say because you haven’t practiced your social skills enough. So, before a social engagement, strategize three ways you can start conversations. Compliment someone on what they’re wearing. Ask adults about their kids or pets. Discuss current events everyone knows about.
47. Find a therapist you feel comfortable with. Anxious people mistakenly believe simply finding a professional will cure them. Nope. You must feel comfortable with them. It’s totally possible to get a therapist that doesn’t work out. Change therapists if you need to.
48. Make getting out of your head a moment-by-moment practice. You can’t control what thoughts enter your head. But you can control what you do with them. The moment your mind spins anxious thoughts, stand up and do something for someone else. Take care of the dishes. Go on a walk. Train your brain to focus on anything but anxious thoughts.
49. Remember, your head is a dangerous place to go on your own. Actually, everyone’s head creates some kind of self-destructive thinking. So, you don’t need to feel ashamed about your head creating anxious thoughts. Don’t allow yourself to isolate. Check your thoughts with someone you love and who understands you. Don’t have someone? Seek relationships out online. The more, the better.
50. Let go of judging your feelings. Being shy in social situations doesn’t make you “bad.” It just makes you…shy in social situations. Nothing wrong with it. Accept it. Embrace it. Realize you have strengths others don’t because of your anxious personality (stronger emotional perception, for example). And, some caution can be good.
51. Listen to soothing music. Much of my life consisted of listening to loud and angry heavy metal music. That didn’t do anything to reduce my anxiety! Find calm, peaceful, and soothing music that makes you feel at home. That’s why I love Spotify. I like to listen to “Discover Weekly.” Spotify chooses songs just for you based on what you’ve listened to. And they update it every Monday. Then, I create the perfect playlists that help me relax and enjoy the day.
52. Remember famous anxious people turned out okay. Gandhi was so extremely anxious he initially failed as a lawyer. Richard Branson hid behind his mother as a child. Johnny Depp has said he can’t stand being famous. Actor Will Farrell was extremely shy during his college years. You may not end up famous. But, you can certainly do well in life.
53. Accept a life with no limits. Your mind caps where you can or can’t go in life. If you don’t think you can, you certainly won’t. Let go of that barrier. Accept you can be as relaxed and comfortable as you want in social situations.
54. Take breaks. Working on a personal challenge like shyness takes extensive energy. You’ll feel worn out at times. Take a break. You need it and deserve it just as much as anyone else.
55. Your social anxiety exists as a part of your life…or not. Avoid action, and you’ll feel shy/anxious. Take action, and your anxiety increases briefly. But, it calms down in the long-run.
56. You are your own worst enemy. Other people may not make being shy easy. But your feelings aren’t their fault. Only you can do something about your shyness. When tempted to blame others, let go of that thinking and don’t trust it. It only keeps you stuck in your fear.
57. Everyone’s anxious. In most social situations, nearly everyone has some anxiety. Take comfort in that. Everyone’s a little unsure. They’re slightly afraid. Worried what others might think. You can relate.
58. You’re not “terminally unique.” When your shyness gets bad, you start to believe you’re the only one with the problem. Untrue. It really means your anxiety is high and you’d benefit from taking action.
59. Learn to love yourself. At its core, shyness means you feel ashamed of who you are. Healthy self-love does not include shame. Let go of that feeling every time it comes up. Instead, accept yourself. Take an accurate inventory of your strengths and weaknesses.
60. Forgive others. No one else will treat you perfectly. Everyone makes mistakes. Forgive others when they harm you, whether they’re aware or not. For some people who’ve caused you greater harms, this can take months or years.
61. …But don’t take their abuse. If someone repeatedly harms you despite knowing the harm they cause, you can set further boundaries. That may include telling the other person you won’t speak to them.
62. Forgive yourself. You make mistakes. Sometimes big ones. But everyone does! Social anxiety wants you to ruminate on your mistakes forever. It’s a horrible form of self-torture. Forgive yourself, regardless of the size of the mistake you make.
63. Let go of your expectations. Your shyness often pushes your expectations sky-high, setting you up for perceived failure. For example, it expects everyone to think you’re awesome, a real superstar. Or, you should be this way…or that way. Whatever it is, you’re not good enough. Don’t dwell on those. Let them go as soon as they enter your mind.
64. Yoga and Tai Chi particularly help with anxiety and shyness. I prefer intense aerobic exercise – running or basketball. Get it at least three times during the week. Ideally, you’ll get 30 minutes per day.
65. Find other people standing alone. Someone’s always standing by themselves at social gatherings. Their fear may even be more intense than yours. Start a conversation with them.
66. Identify and relate. One of the best ways to have productive conversations is to simply meet the other person where they’re at (but only if you honestly can). For example, they share a personal story about being in a bike accident. Say,”Yep. I’ve been there too…” and then share your own story.
67. Join an anxiety treatment group. They cost less than individual treatment. And, sharing your experiences with other social anxiety sufferers is powerful.
68. Take a deep breath using the 4/2/6 method. Social anxiety causes you to tense up. When you notice yourself doing that, take deep breaths instead. Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose for 4 seconds. Hold your breath for 2 seconds. Exhale slowly out your mouth for 6 seconds, and push out as much air as you can.
69. Understand social anxiety’s tricks. With social anxiety, you get what you oppose. Social anxiety says,”No. It’s happening again. Your hands are sweating. Everyone will see!” And that leads to your hands sweating. Let your anxiety pass, rather than trying to oppose it. Feel the feelings. Let them be. And move on to the next right action.
70. Consume a diet rich in omega-3 fatty acids. According to Joseph R. Hibbeln of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, omega-3 affects your serotonin levels. Serotonin plays a large role in depression and anxiety. Salmon, herring, mackerel, anchovies, sardines, seaweed, flaxseed, walnuts, or natural supplements are abundant in omega-3.
71. Quit smoking. Nicotine only temporarily relieves your anxiety. Smoking actually leads to higher levels of anxiety.
72. Rely less on technology for your social life. Technology works awesomely well for starting a relationship that would otherwise never happen. As much as possible, take your online relationships offline. If that only means you can chat with your friend via phone, that’s more effective than merely talking online.
73. Don’t keep any secrets. Social phobia constantly wants you to hide from others. You do have to exercise good judgment in what you say to whom. But you should have at least one person who knows everything about you – good and bad.
74. Accept the flaws in others. Most people return to you exactly what you give them. If you accept their flaws, they’ll accept yours. So, do your best to accept the other person exactly as they are. Sometimes, it’s a challenge. But that’s okay. No one’s perfect.
75. Read personal stories of hope. Social anxiety constantly focuses you on the negative. Seemingly, things will never get better. To pull your mind out of that negative loop, read stories where people share how they’ve let go of their social anxiety.
76. Focus on the small, positive progress you make. Rarely does anyone get cured from social anxiety in an “overnight” experience. Some have claimed it. But I’m skeptical about their claim. To grow and let go of shyness, you must focus on each positive step you make. At first, they’re small. For example, you simply go to a social function and say nothing (rather than avoiding it entirely). But each seemingly small victory is actually an enormous one. Focus on each win to the best of your ability.
77. Do progressive muscle relaxation (PGR). When anxious, you notice how tense your muscles get. PGR helps you relieve that tension. Here’s a guide for doing it.
78. Get a biofeedback device. Biofeedback devices connect electrical sensors to your body. They connect to software, which gives you exercises showing you how to relax. Biofeedback can be quite useful in helping you regulate your body to reduce your anxiety.
79. Use your empathy to help others. Research proves that people with high social anxiety “…demonstrate a unique social-cognitive abilities profile with elevated cognitive empathy tendencies and high accuracy in affective mental state attributions.” Read the full study.
80. Question your own thoughts. Send anxiety running the other way with these three questions: 1) “Am I 100% sure __________ will happen?” 2) “Am I responsible for the entire conversation?” 3) “What would I say to my best friend if they had this thought?”
81. Practice by role-playing. What better way to learn skills for overcoming your social anxiety than by practicing them with another person? You may need to join a treatment group for this. But, you could also do it with a trusted friend or family member.
82. Consciously focus on positive social emotions. It’s so easy to consume yourself with the one scowl you see at a social gathering. Your socially anxious mind instinctually searches for negative feedback so it can drive you back into anxiety. Let go of that. Look for positive feedback. And focus on that instead.
83. Let go of defining yourself as “socially awkward.” When you say,”I’m just an awkward person. I don’t belong. I’m too different,” you define yourself for the rest of your life. Change becomes nearly impossible. Everyone with social anxiety can change. You can too… no matter how much it affects your life. Change is one of the defining characteristics of being human.
84. Moderate social anxiety helps you. Your social anxiety may help you prepare for a challenging situation. For example, you decide to confront a family member on their behavior. Social anxiety helps you because you’re bracing to deal with a situation where the other person might not like what you say. Or, you may practice a speech several times so you perform well.
85. Find a workplace culture that fits your personality. Workplaces vary in what they value. Find employers who let you work independently and value individual contributions.
86. Initiate conversations with your employer to reduce your stress. You may need more frequent breaks to keep your stress levels low. Talk with your supervisor about modifying your employment, and keep the focus on how these changes will help you provide the company with more benefits (like increased productivity).
87. Arrive at social functions early. When you show up late, a crowd’s gathered and everyone’s engaged in conversation. If you go early, you have a high chance of meeting people one-on-one, which will be easier on your nerves.
88. Other people don’t pick up on your social anxiety as much as you think. Yes, your social anxiety tells you everyone has their eyes on you. But even if you are speaking in public, others likely don’t have the ability to pick up on your shyness like you do. A study published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology proves this.
89. This one might irk your social anxiety. But, you’ll find people actually support and encourage you, while also drawing inspiration from you. An occasionally insane and rude person may leave a nasty comment. But that’s rare. Brittany at The Shyness Project publicly stated her goals, trials, and what she learned. And she got an outpouring of support.
90. Take responsibility for your anxiety. It’s easy to blame other people or situations for your social anxiety. I’ve done it. A lot. But it only keeps you stuck in your social anxiety. You can’t do anything about other people. You can only take action on your own social anxiety.

Yep. So that’s what I came up with. How about you? What do you do to let go of your shyness?

Bio: Love this? You’ll also enjoy this free 11-part email series (with strategies not found in this post) that helps you overcome your shyness and boost your confidence, happiness, serenity, and connection: 11 Breakthrough (And Proven) Strategies to Keep You Forever Free from Social Anxiety

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Note: This post is written by Kevin Hilton

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit,” said Aristotle.

And in the realm of habit formation, motivation and self-discipline are the most recognizable players.

Some tout self-discipline as the elixir for improvement, while others rally behind motivation as the way to make progress and enjoy the process. And you’ll also find people that pit the two against each other. But do we have to pick between them?

To get to an answer, let’s take a closer look at motivation, discipline, and the roles they play in habit formation.

A Closer Look at Motivation and Why People Crave It

Let us first look at the definition of motivation:

“A person’s desire or willingness to do something.”

Feeling motivated about a project or personal goal can only do you good. Motivation is the fuel that propels one to go to the gym and exercise for the first time. It’s what drives a late waker to get up at 5 AM. It’s what rouses the procrastinating writer to pen over 2,000 words in one sitting.

Brian Tracy once said:

“The hardest part of any important task is getting started on it in the first place.”

But when you’re oozing with excitement and enthusiasm, getting the ball rolling becomes a breeze. Even better, you may even exceed expectations during the first week or two into a project.

Many people crave motivation. And why not!? Few things in life are as satisfying as feeling pumped to make progress and actually making progress.

However, relying on motivation alone to carry you through can backfire. Why? Because it is based on emotion. And we know how fickle and unpredictable emotions can get.

Your reasons for exercising, reading, or writing may stay constant. But your desire or willingness to carry out the tasks you’ve set will waver one way or another. Let’s check out a few scenarios where a motivation-based approach to self-improvement can boomerang.

The First Scenario

Jerry got up early in the morning, just feeling pumped to hit the gym. This isn’t his first attempt to develop an exercise routine. But he’s feeling super motivated today, and perhaps this rush of enthusiasm can make the difference, yes?

Day 1 went well. His goal was to workout for 30 minutes. But he went the extra mile – doing squats, crunches, and push-ups for a little over an hour.

Days 2 to 11 were identical to the first day. Jerry was overflowing with motivation, and he surpassed his goals every time. He’s already feeling stronger and fitter!

But the 12th day came with an unpleasant surprise.

He received an email from his boss rejecting his leave request, and this means a beach getaway with his clique is out of the question. Just when he was getting ready to show his fit bod, Jerry realizes he would be spending hours in his workstation while his buddies are partying by the shore.

Upset and disappointed, Jerry skipped the gym.

Day 13 came, and Jerry was feeling guilty about missing the previous day’s workout. He knows he needs to go to the gym. He knows the perks of staying fit. But his emotional state is in shambles, and he can’t talk himself into getting motivated.

The cycle of missing the gym and feeling so bad about it that he misses yet another session continues. And Jerry isn’t getting closer to achieving his fitness goals.

The Second Scenario

Danielle is a freelance writer, one who loves to procrastinate about writing if I may add.

Whenever the time to write comes, she gets busy with emails, social media, cleaning tasks, and the list goes on. Yes, she gets her writing projects done in the nick of time. But only after spending sleepless nights a week before the deadline.

This time, however, she attempts to turn her career around. Danielle commits to spending the first 2 hours after breakfast on writing for her clients.

Day 1 was full of inspiration. Danielle’s hands can hardly keep up with the ideas pouring from her brain. And before she knew it, she’s created a complete outline, researched related references and studies, and wrote 2,875 words for her client’s ebook. A massive success!

Day 2, however, was a stark contrast to the previous one. She can’t seem to find the muse to inspire her to start writing. She wrestled with ideas. She thought long and hard. But Danielle just can’t get started.

Danielle’s level of motivation seesawed for weeks and so does her productivity levels. After a month, she stuck to her after-breakfast writing routine in only 11 out of 20 days.

She’s not developing the consistency she wants. She’s not writing often enough to finish projects faster so she can take on more clients. And worse, Danielle’s routine may fall by the wayside if something emotionally unsettling comes up.

The Third Scenario

Kevin is a budding blogger in the business space. But between his professional and personal responsibilities, making the time to build a brand and grow a blog is proving difficult.

But his desire to take his blog off the ground is strong, and he committed to an early morning blogging routine.

For the next 21 days, Kevin’s motivation was sky high. Kevin got up at 5 AM, took a bath and breakfast, and worked on the blog from 5:45 AM to 7 AM. He networked on LinkedIn, wrote blog posts, and engaged with people on Twitter.

Kevin started seeing success. His blog’s traffic had a small but noticeable increase. His network is now a little wider. And his Twitter following has grown by the dozens in the past 21 days.

But after 3 weeks of inspired and meaningful work, he stopped as if snatching failure from the jaws of success. The enthusiasm and strong desire to work, which Kevin came to relish, ran out all of a sudden. Without the feel-good emotions, blogging early in the morning doesn’t sound appetizing.

***

You’ve probably experienced the same dip in levels of motivation just when you’re generating momentum. Why does this bizarre turn happen? Shouldn’t accomplishing a day’s task make us feel better and compelled to do more?

The answer takes us back full circle to emotions and their nature.

In his book The Laws Of Emotion, Dutch psychologist and professor Nico Frijda laid down the law of habituation and said:

“Continued pleasures wear off; continued hardships lose their poignancy.”

Excitement, desire, willingness – these positive emotions one feels in anticipation of a task are fleeting, lasting for only 3 to 6 weeks. As the task becomes a habit, people lose the emotional attachment, and they see work for what it is – work.

So Is Motivation Bad?

Far from it!

How can feeling good and making impressive progress on a goal be bad!? However, motivation is a sprinter. It can help us finish short-term projects fast and strong.

But when undertaking long-term endeavors or developing good habits, strong and positive emotions can only get you started. To get through the long haul, you need discipline.

The Unappealing Image and Unbeatable Advantage of Self-Discipline

Self-discipline refers to:

“One’s capacity to control his or her feelings and inclinations in pursuit of what aligns with their values.”

Do you see the night-and-day contrast between motivation and discipline? While the former relies on one’s desire and willingness, the latter uses grit to do what needs to be done regardless of one’s emotional state.

Self-discipline is the number one ingredient for success.

Michael Jordan practiced and trained every single day to be the Michael Jordan.

Chess grandmaster Wesley So became the world no. 2 without a coach, but only after focusing on his training and turning away from the internet.

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart trained intensively from a young age. And by age 10, his skill as a composer rivaled most of his old and established peers.

You can bet that these highly successful people have had their fair share of bad days. On some days, getting out of bed to train must’ve felt like scaling Mt. Everest. And you can be sure they’ve thought of ditching practice for more fun and less demanding pursuits.

But they didn’t, most of the time. Yes, these fine folks sure have fallen prey to temptations and distractions more than once. However, they didn’t let guilt and negative emotions paralyze them and their progress.

But here’s the catch:

Strengthening your resolve and self-discipline is anything but easy.

Developing Self-Discipline Feels Uncomfortable

Head over to Amazon’s book section, and you will find the Motivation Self-Help section stocked with over 89,000 books. As for self-discipline, the topic doesn’t even have its own section, and a search yielded only 8,700+ books.

You can see the same trend in Reddit. The GetDisciplined subreddit only has 206,806 members, while the GetMotivated subreddit boasts more than 10 million subscribers!

And when you go to YouTube, finding videos of rousing speeches is easier than finding videos on how to develop self-control.

What’s up with the lopsided preference for feeding motivation rather than getting disciplined?

The answer:

Because developing self-discipline is uncomfortable.

When you’re motivated, getting started on a project or task is easy. You’re excited. You’re pumped up. And decisive action is the logical follow-up.

When strengthening self-discipline, however, you’re not enthusiastic about a task.

Maybe you feel neutral. But most of the time, you’d rather do something else like watch TV, chat on Facebook, or play video games – anything that’s more fun than the task at hand. And you have to do what you’ve set out to do anyway.

In simpler words, it feels uncomfortable.

You Will Have to Endure Crappy Emotions for a Long Time

What does a writing practice, a thrice-a-week gym routine, and a nightly reading habit have in common? These productive behaviors take an awfully long time to become a habit.

In a 12-week study involving 96 people, researchers found that it takes exactly 66 days before a new behavior becomes a routine.

Ultimately, you want your daily tasks to become daily routines.

Going back to Nico Fridja’s law of emotion, a behavior becomes devoid of any emotional attachment after enough repetition. The euphoric feelings of motivation disappear, and so does pain and exertion necessary in habit formation.

Unfortunately, the positive emotions run out faster than the uncomfortable ones. And the latter can persist for twice as long.

You Will Fail on Some Days…Guaranteed

Look at the following self-talk:

“Aw, crap! I missed yesterday’s workout. I can’t ace my goal 100%. The red dot will look terrible in my progress tracker. I failed big time. Maybe I should just start all over again next week so I get another shot at 100% win?”

See how that escalated quickly?

I’ve had the exact conversation with myself a few weeks ago, and I almost let the guilt destroy my progress. I had to wrestle with the negative self-talk so I can bounce back the next day.

One is bound to fail on some days on his or her quest for self-discipline, and a few mental wrestling matches are inevitable.

You must always look at the bigger picture. The goal isn’t to achieve 100% score on your smartphone tracker, but to get better in whatever aspect of life you’re focusing on.

Otherwise, the feelings of failure and guilt may lead you to stop your own improvement.

But Keep in Mind

“It gets easier. Every day it gets a little easier. But you gotta do it every day. That’s the hard part. But it does get easier.”

The pains of positive habit formation through self-discipline persist for quite a while. But they will disappear. Sure, they still crop up from time to time. However, since the new behavior has become a habit, controlling the urge to hit the snooze button or skip a daily task becomes way easier.

How to Combine Motivation and Self-Discipline for Better Results

We’ve already seen motivation and discipline – from their definitions to the advantages and disadvantages they bring. Yes, they’re like night and day. But did you know that these two are actually best friends?

Instead of pitting the two against each other, the following steps will show you how you can use both to power through your habit formation goals.

Start With Small, Manageable Daily Goals

Sabotaging your efforts by setting standards and goals that are out of your reach is the last thing you want to do. Instead, go for small and manageable daily goals.

Instead of saying “I will write for 2 hours every day,” set a 30-minute writing practice in the morning.

Want to get fit and muscular? Don’t go for the toughest workout program you can find on the internet. Start with 10 pushups/day instead.

Yes, 10 pushups/day won’t turn you to a modern-day Hercules. But starting small brings a couple of advantages. First, it reduces the perceived difficulty of the task, which is handy when motivation runs out.

Next, small tasks still help you build the self-discipline you will need to take on bigger goals. And last but not the least, you can always “up” the duration or difficulty of your exercise, writing, or reading routine when you’re ready.

Ride Out the Motivation Wave

The first 2 to 3 weeks of habit formation are often filled with motivation and excitement. And you’d do best to ride out that wave. If you feel like exceeding 30 minutes of focused writing, go ahead and write for as long as you’d like. Take this as an opportunity to make massive strides towards your goal.

But always remember:

Sitting down to work and getting things done won’t always feel exhilarating.

So savor today’s victory. Enjoy being motivated to achieve targets you’ve set for yourself. Just remember not to get addicted to it.

Don’t Kill the Motivation

Did you know that telling others of your goals, the new habits you want to form, or the positive changes you’re planning makes them less likely to happen?

You see, these announcements are often met with congratulations or a handshake followed with praises. And these social acknowledgments trick the brain into thinking that you’ve already hit your target.

The result:

The motivation to move forward plummets.

This phenomenon has been studied numerous times – from 1926 to 2009. And the results have always been the same. People who tell others their goals lose their drive and are less likely to achieve their vision.

We already know that motivation is fleeting. So why not keep it around for longer by staying silent and letting the results speak for themselves? 😉

Expect the Tough Days Ahead

At one point in your quest for self-improvement, motivation will run out.

Like in the scenarios in the motivation section, a bad event might leave your emotions in shambles. Your enthusiasm for the task may fluctuate. Or your mind may grow numb to the pleasures of getting things done.

You have to mentally prepare for the inevitable low-motivation days. Always keep in mind that those days are normal and that your emotional state shouldn’t get in the way of progress.

This will take willpower. But since you’ve set small and manageable daily goals, your self-discipline and control are less likely to be overwhelmed.

Reward Yourself and Renew Your Willpower

Self-discipline and willpower are like muscles. They also need a break after long bouts of exertion. Here are some tried and tested to recharge your mental batteries:

Mindfulness Meditation

A few minutes of meditation every day can boost one’s willpower by building up gray matter. Note, too, that the increase in gray matter happens in regions of the brain associated with decision-making and emotion regulation.

Get a Good Night’s Sleep

Sleeping soundly for 7 hours, at least, can help keep your prefrontal cortex in good shape. This region of the brain is essential for self-discipline as it deals with handling emotions, processing complex thoughts, and solving problems.

Reward Yourself

So you kept up your exercise routine for a week without skipping a beat? Good job! Now, go out and reward yourself. See a movie, take your spouse on a date, or dine at a new restaurant. Just make sure you’re munching on something healthy.

Rinse and Repeat for 66 Days

The journey towards positive habit formation and self-improvement requires cycling through these steps.

You’ll feel motivated sometimes and you would want to use the positive emotions to overachieve. On other days, emotion runs low and getting started on a task requires self-discipline. And when you’ve powered through a week of tasks using willpower, you will want to take a break and recharge.

But after the roller coaster ride lasting for 66 days, the new behavior becomes a habit. It becomes a part of you. And performing tasks which used a lot of mental fortitude will feel as easy and natural as breathing.

Congratulations! You just transformed yourself for the better.

– About the Writer –

Kevin Hilton is the lead marketer for CafePoint, a UK-based vending machine business. When not speaking to clients and networking with industry folks, he reads blogs like Life Optimizer to help bring out his A-game.

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Note: This post is written by Alex Moore

In our fast-paced, always-on society, sleep can feel like an enormous waste of time. With so much pressure to get ahead, work hard, and put in as many productive hours as humanly possible, it might feel hard to justify spending an entire third of every single day lying in bed doing nothing.

If that’s how you feel, though, you don’t really understand the importance of sleep.

As it turns out, sleeping is the furthest thing from doing nothing: it’s actually an important and valuable activity that scientists claim is at least as important to our survival as eating or drinking water.

If you can build a healthy sleep habit and know how to get the most out of your sleeping cycles, you will see enormous benefits in every area of your life which will more than make up for the time you “wasted” in bed.

The Importance of Sleep

Everyone has a vague idea of the consequences of getting or not getting enough sleep.

You either wake up feeling refreshed and energized or drowsy and bleary.

Given that you can overcome any amount of drowsiness with enough coffee, most people do not consider waking up tired that big of a deal.

Recent research, however, reveals that a sleep debt can have a surprising and dramatic range of negative health impacts:

• Increased risk of viral infection, since the immune system lacks the resources to produce disease-fighting cytokines without sufficient rest;
• Increased weight gain, as the appetite suppressant leptin is produced more during periods of sleep while the appetite stimulant ghrelin is produced less; people who do not sleep enough are more likely to eat more and to prefer unhealthy foods;
• Higher risk of developing diabetes, due to the body’s inability to process insulin without sufficient sleep;
• Higher blood pressure and increased risk of heart disease, since reduced heart activity during REM sleep is essential for cardiovascular health;
• Increased risk of developing a mental illness, as neural pathways essential to normal brain activity are created and maintained during periods of deep sleep;
• Early death, as a tired body is more vulnerable to complications of all types.

In addition to the long-term health risks of poor sleep, a restless night can also have immediate consequences.

The day after getting insufficient sleep, a person experiences poor focus and slower thinking, and is more likely to make poor decisions or take unnecessary risks.

They are also more likely to feel unhappy and irritable, and chronic poor sleep is even linked to the onset of depression.

On the other hand, a person who is well-rested will benefit from a heightened ability to learn new information and a greater recall of information that was previously learned.

In addition, after getting a good night’s sleep you will feel happier and more energetic.

Celebrity singer Beyoncé, claims that getting enough sleep is her secret to always looking and feeling her best.

Understanding Sleep Cycles

Sleep is broadly divided into REM sleep and non-REM sleep, which is further divided into three distinct stages.

The conventional wisdom is that REM sleep is the sleep that really matters, but healthy sleeping cycles actually consist of every stage in the right amount.

• Stage one non-REM sleep is very light and it is easy to wake up from this stage. The body begins to relax and muscles move more slowly.
• Roughly half the night should be spent in stage two non-REM sleep, in which brain waves begin to slow.
• Stage three non-REM sleep is extremely deep and difficult to awaken from. This is the restorative stage of sleep, and you must get enough of it to feel rested.
• REM sleep should occur about 90 minutes after you fall asleep. Your eyes move quickly and your body is paralyzed as you begin to dream. REM sleep is when your brain sorts and stores information acquired throughout the day, and sufficient REM sleep is absolutely essential to learning and memory.

Building a Healthy Sleep Habit

Here are six tips on building a healthy sleep habit.

1. Sleep for eight whole hours.

Your body naturally alternates between the various sleeping cycles throughout the night, and spends more time in the REM stage the longer you are asleep. That is why it is essential to sleep for a full eight hours every night, and why missing even a single hour of sleep can leave you feeling as if you hadn’t slept at all.

The first step in building a healthy sleep habit is accepting that you need eight hours every night and making sure you prioritize it on your schedule.

2. Manage your time.

You may see this as bad time management, but keep in mind that good time management is doing a few things well, not doing a lot of things poorly.

Getting enough sleep will ensure that you are at your best when you take on any other task. Serial entrepreneur and lifestyle guru Timothy Ferriss calls quality sleep “the currency of high-performance living.”

It is easy to get the right amount of sleep you need if you fall asleep and wake up at the same time every day.

3. Unwind before you go to sleep.

In addition to scheduling eight hours for sleep, you should also schedule at least half an hour of relaxing activity to allow you to wind down before sleep.

This activity can include reading or listening to music, or taking a hot bath which will cause your body temperature to drop and naturally make you feel drowsy.

4. Create a dreamy sleeping environment.

A good sleeping environment is essential to getting quality sleep. It should be free of noise and light, as well as any electronics including computers and phones.

There should not be a visible clock face in the room where you sleep. Your mattress and pillow should be as comfortable as possible.

Experiment with different levels of softness or firmness, and consider using side sleeping pillows for additional comfort.

5. Keep your fitness routine for daytime hours.

While aerobic exercise during the day has been proven to improve the quality of sleep, you should refrain from exercising within three hours of going to bed.

6. Eliminate energizers.

You should also avoid eating or imbibing alcohol during this period and limit the amount of fluids consumed of all kinds.

If you drink caffeine, you should limit it to the morning hours, as stimulants can actually disrupt your sleep for eight or more hours after they are consumed.

Author bio: Alex Moore is the writer behind Side Sleeper Guide. Com. He wants to help sleepers find a personalized level of sleeping comfort, thus, is continuously researching and sharing the latest studies on sleep cycles, relaxation and concentration. For more of Alex’s work, visit his Twitter.

Related Resources

• The Sleep Revolution
• The Secret Life of Sleep

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Note: This post is written by Martin Hrnjak

“Painkillers might ease symptoms temporarily, but unless treated from the core the problem will keep returning.”

How often in life do we hide from whatever is bothering us?

Maybe we are irritated all the time and respond badly to people asking us questions, maybe we are constantly in despair and don’t understand why dates never seem to work out, maybe we have a hard time finding a job; and instead of addressing the problem and facing the discomfort of looking at it in the eyes – we run, and hide.

Shopping, partying, spending money we don’t have, lashing out at others, eating too much or too little – these are all forms of numbing the pain of whatever is currently bothering us. These ‘coping methods’ exist because they help offer temporary relief to a much deeper problem, a problem which most of us don’t recognize, and are afraid to identify because it means we would need to face reality.

This chronic situation of hiding from our “demons” has become so widespread in society that many people fall into serious slumps because of it. Never has there been an easier time to hide from our problems than the 21^st century; the advent of technology and especially the internet means we are always plugged in and never allowing ourselves to reflect on what are the things which bother us.

I am willing to wager that some of you reading this dread going to bed before you’re about to pass out, simply because being alone with your own thoughts is too frightening a proposition. That creates a vicious cycle of not enough sleep, not enough alone time, not enough time unplugged and no time to reflect.

If you find yourself in a situation akin to the above, then perhaps it is time to take a step back and start peeling away the layers under which you have hidden the root cause of your problems.

Luckily there exist several steps which you can take, in order to:

• Determine WHAT is happening
• Determine WHY it is happening
• Find out HOW to prevent it from happening again

The method for doing this is by using the RCA (Root Cause Analysis) tool. This is a method used by professionals worldwide to improve their businesses and has been proven time and time again to be successful in doing so. RCA has also been adapted and can be applied to individuals – offering a very simple and effective way of getting to the bottom of things and becoming self-aware.

The five steps are as follows:

1. Define the problem.
   What is happening? What are your ‘symptoms’?
   Asking a close friend or family member can help you answer these questions. Symptoms can include: partying to hide from your problems, eating too much, etc.
2. Analyze the situation.
   How long has your problem existed? What is the impact on your life and those around you?
   You need to have a full understanding of these things before you can find factors contributing to the problem – again, friends and family can be extremely helpful.
3. Identify contributing factors.
   What events lead to the problem surfacing? What are problems which surround the central problem?
   Such as: before I start binge eating, I read about other people’s successes on social media.
4. Identify the root.
   Why do the contributing factors exist? What is the REAL reason for my problem?
   Continuing from the example in step 3: I have low self-esteem and seeing people being successful makes me even more insecure. Self-esteem could be identified as the root problem in this case.
5. Find and implement solutions to the root problem.
   What can you do to prevent the problem from returning? How will you implement this?
   Perhaps you have low self-esteem because you are overweight, and you enforce this by binge eating; begin watching your diet, spending less time on social media, and beginning an exercise regimen.
   You will hire a personal trainer, or ask a fitness-buff friend to make sure you stick to this until your problem is solved.

Above I used a fitness example, but this process can be applied to just about any issue you are facing – and is always worth a shot (the only thing you lose is a few minutes of time, and you stand to gain a lot more).

You will find that the more you know about yourself and why you behave the way you do, the calmer and happier person you will be. Budgeting time will become easier, forming healthy habits will become a breeze, you will be less irritable and in general, you will see your quality of life improve.

I recommend these steps to anybody, and hope I helped at least some of you reading this.

Feel free to ask questions in the comments.

– About the Writer –

My name is Martin Hrnjak, I am a marketing executive in a small company, and in my free time I am a fitness instructor. It is a passion of mine to spread my knowledge and help those around me – and to learn all I can on my journey of self-improvement.

– Related Resources –

• The Art Of Thinking Clearly
• Think Like a Freak
• Mindset: The New Psychology of Success

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Note: This post is written by Zak Khan

Imagine waking up every morning for a month and not being able to function as a normal human being because the joints throughout your body were being attacked by your immune system. Imagine going from a fit 22-year-old law student and writer to an almost bed-ridden fatigued young adult who feels like almost 95 years old.

That’s what happened to me in 2015 and it changed my entire outlook on life. This was the greatest adversity I’ve had to overcome and in doing so, I learned many valuable lessons that I wish to share with you today.

It has been over 18 months since my diagnoses of psoriatic arthritis and I have completely overcome this life-altering autoimmune disease! Not only have I regained my life back but I’ve accomplished more in the last 18 months than I have ever before.

Here are three ways I did it.

1. Look Beyond the Problem

When things fall apart, the only factor that holds a person together is hope. I like being in control of my environment and the way my life transitions from phase to phase but the unfortunate reality I faced was that everything in life is susceptible to unexpected change.

I could roll over and ‘die’ (so to say) or I could accept that I can’t control everything in life and I have to work around circumstances and situations. What I can most certainly control are the actions I take on a daily basis to redefine my future.

By developing grit and mental strength, no amount of unexpected adversities will break you down. When I could barely walk a few feet without experiencing ridiculous pain, the hope and vision of one day being able to run and drive a car again held me together.

Over time, I started to envision a version of myself who is stronger, smarter and healthier than even before falling ill. I sought many sources of inspiration and drew hope from the stories of others who overcame similar adversities in life and went on to accomplish extraordinary feats. It pushed me to try new things, make radical changes in my lifestyle and stick to good choices every single day.

Regardless of what you face right now, picture a future in which you thrive, succeed and live with pure joy.

2. Take Controlled Action

As mentioned above, life is unpredictable and things don’t always go according to plan. Sometimes, you may find yourself paired with circumstances that are not to your benefit. Rather than obsess over what went wrong and what you cannot do, redirect your attention and focus to actions within your control.

The joints in my hands were inflamed and damaged. It prevented me from writing and I could have easily used that as an excuse to quit my dreams of being a full-time writer and author. However, because I was fixating on a brighter future and discovered an undying belief within me that things will get better, I searched thoroughly and discovered alternate ways of writing.

For a couple of months, I used dictation software to speak my articles and books. There were many learning hurdles to overcome but I was determined to find a way to take action on my goals even in such a bad state.

In time, I adjusted and continued writing through this new approach until I recovered.

There’s always a detour route to any destination. It may not be ideal and it may take you a longer time to reach the finish line but at the end of the day, the results of your actions will determine the kind of rewards you reap.

You can accept defeat or find a solution to your problems. The latter offers a possibility for great success and happiness whereas the former guarantees failure and depression. I truly hope you make the correct decision.

3. Commit to Change and Experimentation Over Time

Taking an alternative route may seem uncomfortable and scary at first. However, it’s an undeniable truth that life begins at the end of your comfort zone. Change is a necessary part of life and when you commit to finding comfort in the uncomfortable, doors of opportunity swing wide open!

You may not see many results when you try new things at first.

Often, the actions you take bring about results that are invisible. I came across the concept of ‘invisible benefits/results’ in the book called The Slight Edge. I highly recommend this read to anyone and everyone. Essentially, the cumulative effect applies to most actions taken. The results are invisible to the naked eye but accumulate over time until it creates a visible result.

If you exercise once, the likelihood of witnessing a decrease in weight or size is slim. However, if you exercise consistently for a longer period of time, the small results will add up and bring about weight loss and a reduction in fat.

Keep that in the back of your mind when trying to overcome adversity.

It may take multiple attempts to create visible results but don’t quit before you’ve given it a proper chance to manifest.

When healing from psoriatic arthritis, I adopted a holistic and lifestyle approach. I changed my entire diet, sleep and routine in hopes of healing naturally. At first, I hadn’t noticed any change in my condition but as time progressed, I felt better. Month after month, I felt stronger and less in pain. About a year into my new lifestyle, I completely healed.

From not being able to walk much to being a cross fit trainee again, that’s the kind of progress I’ve made since 2015!

I wanted to quit many times and the frustration of not experiencing drastic results quickly made me angry, but I refused to quit because this was a long term plan and I was prepared to keep trying until the results were enough to make me happy.

As of now, March 2017, I’ve never been happier!

– About the Writer –

Zak Khan is a full-time writer and author who shares his insights on productivity, self-development and writing over at Zakwrites.com

– Related Resources –

• Motivation Booster
• Wisdom of the Ages

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Note: This post is written by Remy Bernard

Working from home, for some, can be a blessing and a curse. On one hand, you have a freedom that many cubicle dwellers dream of. No early morning commute to the office, no workplace drama (hopefully), and your schedule becomes much more flexible. When your office is your living room, oversleeping that extra 20 minutes because you had trouble falling asleep the night before becomes less of a problem. Even if you aren’t your own boss and are working for someone else remotely, logging your hours from the comfort of your bedroom or kitchen if you want to is a liberating experience.

However, the working from home arrangement is not without it’s very real challenges. Some of this depends on your personality, but in the conversations that I’ve had with people that work from home, retaining your focus and motivation throughout the day can be difficult. After all, your home is your refuge away from the rest of the world, and it becomes easy to make it your refuge away from work without even realizing it. Until you’ve done it, you don’t realize how easily distracted from your work you can become by a seemingly harmless household side task. If you have kids in the house, this can be ever more difficult and managing those boundaries is another article entirely.

Luckily, the situation is not doomed and there are some great techniques that I’ve discovered along the way through my own experience and in talking with others in a similar situation.

1. Assign All Important Tasks a Start & End Time

Even though we all only have 24 hours to make it happen every day, working from home tends to skew this perspective. Common thought patterns like “This can wait until later” start to emerge. Before you know it, you’ve skipped this, spent too long on that, and now the three things you were supposed to do today have to wait until tomorrow. I can’t begin to tell you how far the unfocused mind can extend this cycle.

My tip here is to not only structure out your day, but also assign each part of that structure a definitive time limit.

There is something about establishing ahead of time what I will be doing and for how long that enhances my focus. As humans, our minds thrive on structure (even if we don’t like to admit it), and planning out the day can go a long way.

2. Don’t Show Up to Work in Your Pajamas (A.K.A Dress Like You Were Going Into Work)

I picked this tip up from a colleague who was an attorney and also worked from his home office. Every morning he would wake up, shower, and get dressed in a suit and tie, only to settle into a day’s work three steps from his bedroom.

Personally, I don’t wear dress clothes while at home, but I do make sure that I transition out of the clothes I slept in. When I don’t, I carry with me a different energy that doesn’t translate to a solid, focused day of work ahead. Some people might be different, but I have found the mindset this creates to make all the difference in the word.

3. Have Established Working Hours

Part of the beauty of working from home is escaping the 9-5 lifestyle, but this should not be an excuse to procrastinate and prioritizing non-work related activities during working hours. The solution is simple: set clear working hours and don’t deviate from them.

Figure out at what time of the day you are most productive and make that the time you work. The trick here is sticking to it. Establish boundaries with people and things that might encroach upon that time and watch your productivity skyrocket.

4. Take Planned Breaks to Reset Throughout the Day

This one is important, as it’s easy to get carried away and spend hours heads down in a project without resetting. While this is sometimes necessary, doing this all day every day is a sure way to lead to burnout. Even if you can keep this pace up for a month, eventually it will catch up to you. 

Instead of crashing and burning, I like to take breaks every two hours or so. You don’t even have to leave the house necessarily, although a brisk 10-20 minute walk is a great way to break up the day. This is the time where you are giving yourself permission to lose focus and let your mind wander. This can look like a quick power nap, going out to grab lunch, or even a short workout. Just do something that pulls you away from the desk and out of work mode. When you come back to your scheduled task, you’ll see it with fresh eyes and renewed focus.

5. Listen to the Right Music

I can’t stand most music when I’m trying to work, but I have found that the right kind of music really helps me focus in on the task at hand. I believe this works because music can help stimulate parts of your brain that would otherwise be open for distraction. There are playlists on Spotify and YouTube that are meant for focus and working. These tend to be made up of songs without lyrics that have a subtle, driving beat. If this isn’t your cup of tea, jazz or piano music also works great.

What have you discovered that help you maintain focus at home? Please let us know in the comments.

– About the Writer –

Remy Bernard – Owner and Editor at Miss Mamie’s Cupcakes

A baker, chef and writer, Remy started missmamiescupcakes.com as a way to deepen and spread her passion for making delicious food. She can also be found on Twitter, Pinterest and Facebook.

– Related Resources –

• Getting Things Done
• Deep Work
• Eat That Frog!

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It has been years since I wrote about personal branding. In this post, I’d like to revisit the topic because I believe that personal branding is an important part of our personal effectiveness.

What is a personal brand? Simply put, your personal brand is the promise of the value people will get when they come to you. This promise gives people a reason to come to you. As a result, it can future-proof your career.

The fact is, we now live in a fast-changing world. The market and the economy keep changing. If you have a strong personal brand, however, you will survive and even thrive. The reason is that people know you and will come to you. A strong personal brand puts you above the crowd and keeps you in people’s minds.

In the past, most people worked for just one organization for their entire career. That’s no longer the case these days. You should not expect to stay in the same organization for your entire career. Instead, you should be prepared to find new opportunities elsewhere or even start your own business. Having a strong personal brand can help you do these.

In my case, I am building my personal brand around “personal effectiveness.” That’s why I use “Maximizing Personal Effectiveness” as my tagline on my website and social media profiles. I also mention the topic of personal effectiveness often in my posts. I’m still in the process of building my personal brand, but I hope to build a strong one.

If you haven’t built your personal brand, I encourage you to start thinking about it. What value can you offer to the world? How do you want people to think about you in their minds? Answering these questions and acting upon them can help you build your personal brand.

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As you might know, I love quotes. They are concise but contain a lot of wisdom. Recently I found a great quote by Abraham Lincoln that contains a powerful life principle. Here is the quote:

I will prepare and someday my chance will come.

In my opinion, this quote is interesting. Why? Because you prepare first and then your chance will come. It might sound counterintuitive, but I believe that this is an important principle for living a successful life.

Here are some lessons I learned from the quote:

1. Always prepare yourself for the future.

You never know what will happen. That’s why it’s important that you always prepare yourself for the future. Keep building your knowledge. Keep building your network. Don’t just stay where you are, assuming that everything will stay the same. Instead, prepare yourself as if something will happen. Why? Because something will happen.

If you get complacent, the future might catch you off guard. That’s something you don’t want to happen to you.

2. Build it before you need it.

Many people only start building something when they need it, but by then it’s too late. You need to start building it long before you need it. This applies to every area of your life: personal finance, skills, relationships, spirituality, etc.

3. Have faith that your chance will come.

It may be difficult to make preparation because you might not know what it is for. For this, you need to have faith that your chance will come. You might not know how it looks like, but believe that something will come.

Steve Jobs put it well: “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.”

4. Believe that the best is still ahead of you.

You won’t prepare yourself if you don’t think that there is more to life than what you now have. That’s why you need to believe that the best is still ahead of you.

That’s the attitude that Ray Kroc – the man who built MacDonald’s – had. He was in his 50s and already had a good business selling milkshake machine, but he believed that the best was still ahead of him. That belief made him open his eyes to new opportunities.

5. Recognize your chance when it comes.

The opportunity came to him when he heard good things about a hamburger restaurant far away. Intrigued, he decided to fly there to check it out himself. He was so impressed by what he saw that he decided to negotiate expanding the restaurant. Long story short, it eventually becomes the McDonald’s that we know today.

He could have missed his chance if he was too busy running his existing business. If that happened, we wouldn’t have the McDonald’s as we know it today. Fortunately, he recognized the opportunity when it came.

6. Make the most of the opportunity.

After you recognize the opportunity, make sure that you make the most of it. Again, that’s what Ray Kroc did. He jumped into it with both feet. He innovated, expanded, and invested. Thanks to his preparation, he had the fund, the connections, and the knowledge to make it happen. His preparation enabled him to make the most of the opportunity.

***

As you can see, the Lincoln’s quote above is simple but contains a powerful life principle. Applying it can take your life to the next level.

It all starts with your preparation, though. Have you been preparing yourself for a future opportunity?

#####

Are interested in spirituality? Check out my newsletter on spirituality.

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When it comes to time management, there is a common misconception. The misconception is that time management is about getting more done. It’s about how to squeeze more things into your day. In this view, the more you get done, the better.

This view, however, will only lead you to become overwhelmed and even burnt out. Plus, it’s possible that the things you get done are not the important ones.

What is the right view then? How should we approach time management?

A while back I listened to a leadership podcast by Craig Groeschel. He made two statements that I think give us the answer:

• “Wise time management is not about doing more. It’s about doing more of what matter most.”
• “To be effective, you don’t do more. You do less better.”

In my opinion, these two statements give us the right view on time management. Time management is not about getting more done. Instead, it’s about getting the right things done in a better way.

If you apply this principle, you won’t get overwhelmed. Instead, you will live a balanced life while still getting the important things done. You will be productive in a balanced way.

Here are four things you need to do to put this principle into action:

1. Know your purpose.

To get the right things done, you need to know what the right things are. This requires you to know your purpose. What are the things that matter to you? How do you define long-term success? Only by knowing these can you decide whether something is right for you. Knowing your purpose can also help you avoid lifetime regrets.

2. Get rid of the wrong things.

To get the right things done, you need to get rid of the wrong things. This means you need to say no to them. The wrong thing here could be an activity, a responsibility, or even your job. In short, it’s anything that doesn’t serve your purpose.

You might not be able to get rid of it right away (e.g. your job), but at least you can plan to do it over time (e.g. by searching for a new job or starting your own business).

3. Have a margin.

This is related to the previous point. To not get overwhelmed, it’s important that you have a margin in your life. The margin acts as a buffer so that when something goes wrong, you have the capacity to handle it without being stressed out.

The margin here is in the form of emotional, physical, financial, and time reserves.

4. Improve yourself.

For the few things you decide to focus on, aim to do them better. Don’t just do what you have always been doing. Dream big, build your skills, and be persistent.

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These four tips are simple, but if you do them, you will be productive in a balanced way. You will get the few important things done, and done well.

Recommended Book Summaries

• 15 Secrets Successful People Know About Time Management
• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
• Getting Things Done

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If you want to succeed in life, there is an important mindset you need to have. Without it, it’s unlikely that you will make much progress. But with it, you can have a breakthrough. The mindset is this:

Failure is an option

It might seem simple, but this mindset can make a big difference in your life.

A while back I read an article about how Domino’s Pizza reinvented itself. In 2010, its stock price was only $8.76 per share. But then Patrick Doyle became CEO and started working to reinvent the company. Guess how much the stock price is now? It’s $170 per share! How is that possible? How could the company make such a progress?

One big reason is because Doyle has this mindset. For him, failure is an option.

He explains that there are two great ills called “omission bias” and “loss aversion”:

Omission bias is the tendency to worry more about doing something than not doing something, because everyone sees the results of a move gone bad, and few see the costs of moves not made. Loss aversion describes the tendency to play not to lose rather than play to win.

We all need to overcome these two ills. Why? Because they make us just stay in our comfort zone. They make us unwilling to try new things because we may fail and look bad in front of others.

To overcome them, you need to have the right mindset. The right mindset is this: failure is fine, so take risks and try new things. Having this mindset can change your life.

Here are three tips to put this mindset into action:

1. Know your options.

Before you can try something new, you need to know your options. You need to know what the possibilities are. So make sure that you stay informed. For this, you should read books, blogs, or listen to podcasts. Then when you find something interesting, take note of it.

2. Experiment.

After knowing your options, you need to experiment with them. My favorite way of doing this is to create side projects. This website, for instance, started as a side project of mine.

3. Learn and adjust.

Your side project could come out as a success or a failure. If it fails, then that’s fine; just regard it as a learning opportunity. Learn all you can from it and adjust yourself accordingly. If it succeeds, then you can commit more resources to it.

That’s what happened to me with this website. Life Optimizer (and its related projects) eventually becomes my full-time job. That wouldn’t happen if I didn’t experiment with it in the first place.

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You need to take risks to make progress in your life. Yes, you could fail, but remember that you could succeed. The success will never come if you never try.

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