Personal-Development

9 Signs That You Are Fringe Dweller

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Do you ever feel that you are stuck in a world you don’t really belong?

You’ve tried your hardest to fit in, to go along with the crowd and be part of the world of clock watchers, but somehow this life and the people in it seem just a little too baa baa.  You might have known this from a very early age and thought of yourself as a little weird, a little strange, and others might have ostracized you for it.  However, in time, you learn to live with the clock watchers, whilst learning to grow your consciousness at a different rate from others.  You think that little bit deeper about things, you are more intuitive, you seem to physically feel other peoples pain, you sense their emotions without them speaking a word.  You might be more in touch with your spirituality than others and ask questions that others don’t seem to care about.

Then it could be that you are a Fringe Dweller

What is a Fringe Dweller?

I first heard this term from the works of Stuart Wilde, an amazing spiritual, non religious, author.  As soon as he described it, I immediately identified with it and no longer viewed myself as this weird person living in a strange world.  I learned to become even more of a fringe dweller whilst at the same time learning to live with the clock watchers, or people of the ‘tick tock’ as Stuart describes them:

Fringe Dwellers are people who don’t fit the norm. I say they are not hippy revolutionaries living rough, or social weirdoes; the one’s I speak of are ordinary people, you can’t tell them apart from others. It’s their minds that are different. They don’t relate to the rules and regulations of the status quo, the rhythms of a tick-tock life leaves them uninspired and listless.

I came to see how the Fringe Dwellers are in a different evolutionary spiral, because they aspire to belong to a world of higher consciousness, rather than have ideas and morals imposed upon them by a system that has corrupt values, one that often doesn’t really know what its talking about.

I remember when I was 11 years old and staying with my auntie.  She stayed near some big hills, which were beautiful to me as they led directly to the stone beach and the sea and it was an amazing place to spend time alone.  I remember this particular night it was pouring with rain, but I had this irrisistible urge to put on my parka jacket and walk down the hill.  The rain battered the pavement as i crossed to walk down the path, that cut through the hill.  I was bored with life, I knew there was something more to life and I could almost feel it beside me, it was an energy, but it frustrated me as I didn’t know what it was and couldn’t get in touch with it.  As I walked in the pouring rain, I decided I wanted to die.  I wanted to die and find out what this feeling, this energy, this other life was.  I lay on the banks of the hill as the rain fell and I stretched out my arms on either side of me.  I felt the beautiful rain on my face as I lay there for what seemed like hours (it was more like 30 minutes or something).  I was soaked through, I didn’t die, but I felt much better, more calm and less weird than I had before.

That’s one example of my ‘weirdness’ that I now know as a craving to reach a higher consciousness quicker.  I knew I didn’t belong to the world of clock watchers, but what I didn’t know was how to live with the clock watchers and grow myself at the same time.  In time I learned how to grow the spiritual side of me, but it wasn’t without a lot of angst and heartache.  Now! I know my place in the world, and I’m totally cool living in the tick tock as more and more of the fringe dwellers discover themselves and are starting to change the consciousness of the world.

9 Signs that you are a Fringe Dweller

Fringe-Dwellers

1. From a very early age you have known that you were different.

Usually fringe dwellers know there is something different about them, but due to the beliefs and knowledge of the clock watchers, they are thought to be a little weird, or strange, or socially awkward.  That’s not the case, they are just vibrating at a different energy level from the clock watchers.  A lot of the time they torment themselves with questions like, why am I different, why can’t I seem to fit in.  However, eventually what happens is that the fringe dwellers unconsciously seek out other fringe dwellers.  People with normal jobs, normal lives, but somehow think a little differently.

2. You feel the pain of others

Fringe dwellers are highly attuned to other people and are naturally empathetic people.  You seem to feel the emotions and pain of other people, and may seem a very sensitive to the plight of others.  This is completely natural, but you do have to be careful not to overexpose yourself to other peoples pain.

3. You feel there is something more to this life

You have probably asked the question a thousand times: What the hell is this life all about, surely there has to be more than living in the clock watchers world? Day by day, month by month, part of the answer is revealed to you.

4. You get bored easily with life

The thought of a great job, with a great salary, a great pension and lots of benefits bores the pants of you.  You want to live life, experience the unknown, start your own business, write a book, anything to stop the boredom of the tick tock life.

5. You are highly creative

Fringe dwellers are by nature creative people.  They have tapped into a higher consciousness which requires them to let their spirits be a little more creative and to express it in different ways: the arts, writing, talking about something more than the latest celebrity gossip.

6. You NEED a lot of alone time

You crave some alone time as the world of the clock watchers seems to get too much for you sometimes.  You find yourself attracted to nature, to the woods, to the sea to the hills where everything feels just as it should, free, natural and beautiful.  No this is not some hippy speak, it’s a craving to be alone and a lot of this alone time feels better when in nature.

7. Little coincidences are happening more in your life

You might have noticed that you are in the right place at the right time, or you found a book just when you needed it, or you bumped into someone who was able to help you with a problem.  Little, seemingly, coincidences like this will happen more and more as you open yourself up to your higher consciousness.  You will also find that you are more able to attract what you want in life and become part of The Magic

8. You are attracted to lots of different spiritual teachings

Fringe dwellers are not usually stuck in their ways and question all religion, but are open minded enough to read and find out more about the spiritual practices of different religious groups.  They strip the man made stuff out of religion and are able to focus on the essence of the teachings.  You are also open to experimenting with different spiritual practices and see the benefit of a wide range of practices as it raises a different part of your energy.

9. You don’t want a normal job

Fringe dwellers are often entrepreneurs, or people who go to different countries to offer their services to a charity to help others, or to save the trees, or the pandas in some remote part of the world.  A normal job to you is like putting a hot needle in your eye, it’s painful to even think about it.  You are here to change the world, and raise the consciousness of the world that little bit more, so don’t be afraid of being a fringe dweller, embrace it and go change the world.

What about you?

Are you a Fringe Dweller, are you just waking up from the clock watchers world? leave an FB message below and let us know your thoughts.

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5 Reasons You Need to Take More Risk

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5 Reasons to Take More Risk

Risk is one of those things that’s hard to quantify. Think about it. What exactly does it mean when someone says, “Take more risk.”

I was confused by this as well, until I began to find myself in situations where I had a unique choice to make. It didn’t have to be jumping off a cliff in Mexico or pouring my entire life savings into launching a startup.

It was more a matter of whether to follow the safe, proven route that would prevent me from having to stand out if I failed, or following my instincts about what I felt would be effective and exciting.

Things like wearing neutral business clothes, using company issued marketing materials, and speaking in a communal, non-authoritative way, would be considered safe and even “good enough.” If I branched out with my wardrobe, developed my own presentations based on the observations I made my marketplace, and spoke about my ideas with authority, I would be taking the risk of failure and embarrassment.

Feeling the thrill of the risk, I chose the latter, and it paid off in big ways. It got me noticed by my peers, bosses, and clients, who began to view me as confident, intelligent, and a promising resource to do business with, so my success rate went up.

Since then, I’ve come to see that taking risk has a pattern of benefits that come with it.

1.Risk gets you noticed

Most people will take the easy route, because in general the population lacks self confidence, and taking risk forces you to put yourself out there. You’re not just following the program when it comes to risk. Instead, you’re saying to those around you, “Look at my ideas.”

Because it’s rare for people to take risk, when you do, you’ll get noticed. And when you’re noticed, you’ll be thought of when it comes to advancing at work, or when clients are deciding who to do business with.

2. Risk creates change

It’s easy to get stuck in a rut, and to mindlessly follow the habits you’ve been entrenched in for years. This is true for large organizations, small companies, and individual people alike. So if you want something to change, you’re going to have to do something different. Doing something different is uncomfortable and comes with a sense of the unknown. After all, you haven’t proven it’s effectiveness yet.

But taking this risk of lost time and unproven results, is the only way to create change, so it’s well worth the effort. Even if the initial plan isn’t effective, it will teach you more about what will and will not work, being productive in the end.

3. Risk makes you feel alive

There is a satisfaction to doing everything “right” and pleasing the world around you, but there’s also an undeniable thrill that comes from taking risk. The adrenaline that pumps through your body when you’re doing something in an entirely new way, is worth the risk on it’s own. In fact, I have found myself getting addicted to risk because of this feeling.

4. Risk creates a higher standard

When you begin taking risk and seeing the results it offers, a new standard begins to form in your mind. You are no longer satisfied with just enough, and know that in order to create something of excellence, you will need to go to the next level.

This kind of behavior pushes you or your company forward and sets a new standard. Soon, a new comfort zone is created where risk is the norm, and the rate at which you are working is higher than before.

5. Risk teaches you more about yourself

Because risk is usually an expression of your own ideas, it can teach you a lot about yourself. The more comfortable you are with exploring new abilities within yourself, the more aware you will become of just what lies inside you. And the more success you experience within those areas, the more confident you will become.

Are there downsides to risk? Sure. That’s why it’s called risk. You could put yourself out there in a big way, and fall flat on your face. But what if you don’t? The benefits are worth it. Evaluate where you are and think about where you want to be, and take the risks necessary to get there.

 

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Grow as You Go: The Importance of Lifelong Learning

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importance of continued learning

importance of continued learning

Just because you are now out of school and over your twenties does not mean the learning process is over. Some might say it has only just begun, and that the real work starts after finishing formal education and graduating from high school or college. Only after you have started working and being active professionally do you realize that most of the things you’ve been taught in collage are fine when left to the world of education, but that in real life, some additional skills are also needed. Lifelong learning does not just include enrolling in various courses and workshops, but keeping your brain up to speed, your head above water and you mind curious.

The Basics

The main differences between lifelong learning and your formal education are the age of the learner and the fact that one of them is voluntary. That is why it is not uncommon to see people in their forties, fifties or even sixties enrolling into courses or attending lectures because they choose to make a difference in their lives. Also, an important reason behind this choice is the mental activity that is triggered through learning – as people age, their brain functions are not on the level they used to be in their youth, so stimulating your thought process is always welcome. You can also boost your self-esteem, test your adaptability to new things and add some excitement into your life. Lifelong learning includes more than courses and school programs, so you can effectively learn via educational trips, researches and activism in your community. Challenging yourself with puzzles, doing the NY Times Sunday crossword or playing an online quiz will also keep you both entertained and your mind sharp.

Personal Development

Once you become a bit bored with your life or are fed up with your job, you may tend to start looking into new hobbies and activities which will get you back you zest for life. You can choose to dive into something work-related, or, on the other hand, learn a new skill which you’ve never had time for before.

Because this is completely voluntary and usually not for the sake of professional advancement, you can choose what you want to learn. Most people focus on languages and computer skills as something they did not have a chance to do in their youth, or, on the other hand, find a more practical course on pottery, carpentry or other handicrafts. This way, they engage both their brain and hands, so it is good for preventing mental and physical diseases at the same time. If you’ve always wanted to learn to knit, your forties or fifties are the perfect time to take this up.

Professional Development

When applying for a job, you should know that your CV will not be enough. It is not about what you know any more, but what you can do – proper education is essential, but a good set of skills is sometimes even more vital. Finally, when you are out of work, additional knowledge will give you leverage over others. That is why everyone needs to continue learning new things even after they have reached a certain position in their companies.

When it comes to lifelong learning for professional purposes, you are expected to take opportunities provided by your employer, such as trainings, learning seminars, coaching performed at your company, etc. Being involved in these things shows that you are keen to continually develop and also take your job seriously, so, in the end, new skills might get you a better position or a promotion you have been hoping for. Moreover, you can become an expert in other fields of the industry and always seek a job there once yours becomes unsatisfactory.

The Benefits

Even though the main benefit of lifelong learning is actually learning something new which should be enough, there are other perks as well, both personal and professional. People who do it have more motivation for everyday activities, develop mental skills, add fun to their lives and make new friends, while professionals get more options for further employment, are in a better position than their competitors and, finally, become better employees.

Striving to continually better yourself should be a goal in itself, without a definite endpoint. Remember that this is not something you have to do, only something you are enthusiastic about.

 

The author of this article, Norah Martin, has recently gone back to school and is now taking several courses through Upskilled, aiming to improve both her business skills and her business itself. While never a bookish person, she has now realized learning gets better as one gets older.

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6 Benefits of Self-Control

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Science has discovered two major traits that have been proven to have a wide range of benefits, intelligence and self-control. We do not have much control over our intelligence (note that this is different from learning, we can all learn) but we can strengthen our self-control.

It is very interesting to note that self-control acts in the same way as a muscle, getting tired out after repeated use. In an interview with Researcher by Roy F Baumeister, who conducted a study in self-control; he concluded that self-control is a limited resource. It is more difficult to perform consistent acts of self-control.

In an examination he performed to gather data on the power of the will, one group of participants was asked to eat chocolate chip cookies while the other group was asked to resist chocolate chip cookies and eat raisins instead.

Afterwards, they were told to work out a geometric puzzle that had no solution. The first group, who was able to indulge in chocolate chip cookies quit after about twenty minutes. The group that had to practice restraint and eat the raisins quit, on average, after only about eight minutes.

This goes to show us that our self-control gets tired just like a muscle but it can be built up over time by exercising it and allow you to perform extraordinary feats of will.

self controlBenefits of Self-Control

1. Increases decision making capacity

When we exercise self-control after making a decision it becomes more difficult. When we practice self-control first, it becomes easier to make decisions because our minds switch to simpler processes. For example, a dieter may avoid a donut first thing in the morning but after making tough decisions about work and life all day, their self-control may have slipped by the time they should say no to cake as dessert after dinner.

2. Increases chances of success

Research at Duckworth Lab at the University of Pennsylvania’s positive psychology center concluded that when self-control was measured against talent over time the ones that practiced grit rather than relying on talent came out as more successful. For example, in an experiment carried out between two groups at West Point, those that relied on self-control had a better chance at being able to move past the first summer of intense trials over those that had domain relevant talents such as physical fitness.

3. Self-control can help us curtail impulsive behaviors such as lying and binge drinking

In a study conducted by Meldrum et al. A group of 1600 adolescents in US schools were asked if they had taken a fictitious drug and if so, how frequently.

Out of the participants, 40 said that they were familiar with the medicine and had taken it in the past.
This goes to show that some people can’t help lying and those that have low self-control are more likely to succumb to the impulse even if, like in this situation, they have nothing to gain from it.

4. Improves FOCUS

In a study by Bertrams et al., participants were asked to solve math problems while under pressure. The participants that were evaluated as having low self-control were distracted by negative thoughts and did much poorer than their disciplined counterparts.

Self-control allows us to focus our energies on the task at hand and tune out distractions which make sure we perform to the best of our abilities. It also allows us to kick those negative thoughts out of our head, a major impediment to long term success.

5. More likely to get rich

Although self-control is not the end all be all when it comes to making millions, it is an incredibly significant factor.

In a study conducted in New Zealand that shadowed 1,000 children over the course of 30 years. It was determined that those who had high levels of self-control went on to land high income jobs and had significantly lower levels of addiction. Only 10% of the children with developed discipline were in low income jobs as opposed to over 30% of those with poor discipline being in low income jobs.

6. Promotes Congruence

Have you ever held two conflicting desires in your mind like wanting to eat a the last piece of red velvet cake after dinner but at the same time wanting to drop a few pounds?

People that are able to practice self-control have more harmonious lives because they avoid situations in which they have to choose between desires.

Instead of fighting with themselves over eating the last piece of cake to stick to their diet, they would not have bought the cake in the first place and therefore prevent themselves from being exposed to conflicting desires.

Conclusion

Self control is one of the most important skills that we can learn to harness. The positive effects spill over into many different parts of our lives and allow us to make better decisions and experience a better reality.

Self control is not all bout denying yourself pleasures, it also encompasses working towards a higher ideal and sacrificing some things in the now in order to achieve long term goals. Many people are unable to make exert the necessary will power to make the changes that they so desire in their lives. One thing that holds true no matter where you are or where you are going, nothing TRULY worthwhile every came without putting forth a little effort.

“I am, indeed, a king, because I know how to rule myself.”  Pietro Aretino

 

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14 Steps to Finding the Right Career Path

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14 Steps For Finding The Right Career Path

how to find the right career

Look Within

Think About What You Love

What are you passionate about? What excites you and makes you feel alive? Thinking about the things that you love doing will help steer you to what might be the best career path for you. Love numbers? Maybe you’re an accountant. Love fixing things? Maybe you’re a carpenter.

Remember Past Experiences

Think back to a time when you felt really satisfied with your work. Remember when you felt really proud about the job you did? What kind of work were you doing? Was it a project you managed, or something that you created on your own completely from scratch?

Think About What You’re Good At

What are your strengths? If you’re great at persuading people, maybe you’re a natural-born salesperson. If you’re not good with grammar, maybe you shouldn’t be a writer or editor. Making a list of your strengths will help you find the right career path for you.

Discover Your Personality Traits

Get clear on who you are and what interests you. Are you a people-person? Maybe customer service is a good fit. Are you shy? Maybe customer service isn’t a good fit. How would your friends describe you? These are all clues for you.

Look at Your Values

What’s most important and meaningful to you? Maybe you want to make a difference in the world, for people who really need help. (Think non-profit.) Maybe you just want to make money. (Think Wall Street.) What are your highest values?

List Out What You Want From Your Career

What do you want to get out of your career? Some jobs, such as consulting, allow you to travel a lot. Perhaps you want to work for a cause, or you want the prestige of being an accomplished expert.

Get Outside Yourself

Get a Career Coach

Speaking to someone in person and bouncing ideas off of them will help you find your way. There are career coaches, jobs coaches, and even life coaches available to help you find what’s right for you. They might have even more suggestions for ways you can the perfect career for you.

Take an Online Test

There are a lot of online tests to help you discover what career path is best for you. Just simply answer the questions given to you, and their algorithm will tell you what possible fields you are best suited for. Couldn’t be easier!

Imagine Yourself Doing That Job

See yourself doing that job. How do you feel while you’re doing it? Do you love it sometimes? All the time? By picturing yourself in that role, you can try to imagine how you might like doing it.

Get in the Real World

Read Some Job Descriptions

This one is easy. Just go on a job board and see what the required tasks are for certain jobs. This will give you a sense of what that job might be like, and if it’d feel like something right for you.

Talk to People in the Fields You’re Considering

Hear straight from the horse’s mouth what it’s like in that career you keep thinking about. How are the hours? Do they get to do the things you’d love to do? Connect with people on LinkedIn and set up a time to ask them some questions.

Shadow Someone Else

Know someone who’s in the industry you’re considering? Shadow them for a day and see what they do. It can be a real wake-up call. Maybe you had idealized how glamorous and exciting their job is, only to discover that it’s more hum-drum than you had imagined.

Try It Out

Really think you’re ready to jump into a new career? Try out an internship so you can test the waters and see how you like it. You can even do this in the evenings or weekends if possible, while you work your day-job or go to school.

Search Online

See if you can find online a “day in the life of” or some first-hand accounts of what someone in that field does all. You might be surprised to learn that what they do is nothing like you had imagined.

Stuck in a rut? Find the right life coach for you and learn more about life coaching, like what a life coach is and what a life coach does. Click here to learn more about coaching.

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8 Questions To Help You Find Your Own True Self

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find yourself

find yourself

Who were you before you were born?

“ We are born originals and die as copies” (Kierkegaard)

Before you were born you were free to be yourself. You had no one to worry about, no one to copy. And then you were born.

Born into a life where the search for meaning is totally dependent on finding and expressing your true self, but do you know who that is?

Psychological struggles that bombard and restrict many of us, in varying degrees, have their origins in the developmental hurdles of our childhood.

We are all individuals with our own special talents and personal power. And yet everywhere we look we are told what to do, how to behave, who to love etc.

From ancient days, culture has gendered male and female bodies with stereotypes that tell us who we are before we are born.

This gender stereotyping is unseen and pervasive as it is such a familiar part of our daily lives.

Within the media, images of men and women in society reinforce stereotypical perceptions of their place and role.

The intense circulation of these images interacts with and supports deeply embedded assumptions about the differing roles of men and women.

Women as mothers. housewives, and carers. Men as workers, business executives and workaholics.

And yet these images are so much more than images, they are profoundly persuasive symbols of everyday behavior and beliefs.

For men and women who fit neatly in the prescribed stereotypical roles and behaviours of society there is no problem, but for so many people who would like to step outside of the ‘norms’ of society, the reality is that they often spend a lifetime of unhappiness attempting to fit into the mould and failing.

They suffer because of stereotypical ‘ideals’ that are embedded in their psyches.

In an attempt for acceptance, men and women build their lives on a superficiality, a false image which focuses on external events, such as appearances, sexual choices, circumstances, behaviours and the desires of others, whilst leaving them bereft within themselves.

This false self is promoted and defended vigorously and this can become a permanent part of mental makeup from childhood to adulthood.

Stereotypical expectations of contemporary culture and about what constitutes men and women will not fade overnight. Therefore it is within psychotherapy that the rigid stereotypical constructs in our minds need to be gently dismantled, so that all our notions of gender and sexual orientations become more flexible and fluid, allowing them to drop away.

Are you living your life from your true self?

8 Questions to ask yourself.

1.Are you are a cardboard copy of what society wants you to be ?
2.Do you live your life through through family members?
3.Can you say No to requests for your help?
4.Is your life panning out the way you want it to?
5.Are you working in a career that gives you satisfaction and happiness?
6.Are you in a fulfilling relationship?
7.Do you know who you are and where you are going?
8.Is your opinion more important than what others think of you?

What do you think? Are you living life from your own true self or are you at the beck and call of others?

Bio: Carole Lyden is a writer and psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in depression therapy at Teddy Bear Therapy Centre in Perth Western Australia. She is passionate about the power of psychotherapy and its ability to change lives. Download your free e book entitled “ Who were you before you were born?” How to find your true self.

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The 3 High-Impact Habits You Need if You Want to Reach Your Goals Faster

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We all want to reach our goals. We’ve got exciting plans, cool projects and important things we want to accomplish.

Maybe you want to start a business, get skilled at something or get your finances under control. Or you might want to eat healthier, exercise regularly or start a morning meditation habit.

The sad thing is that many of us just aren’t reaching our goals. We take a few steps and then stop. We promise ourselves we’ll take up a new habit or routine – we last a few days, maybe a week, and then we’re back to our old ways.

We forget, we get distracted. We come up against too many obstacles. We feel overwhelmed by all the tasks involved. Life gets busy. Old habits take precedence over the new habits we really need to cultivate.

3_high_impact_habits

How can we radically improve our success in reaching our goals?

Here are the 3 high-impact habits you should cultivate if you want to achieve your goals. The reason many of us don’t reach our objectives faster is because we’re usually doing the opposite of these essential habits.

1. The Habit of Focus

Develop single-minded focus.
There are a lot of reasons behind a lack of focus – busy schedules, an inability to say ‘no’, choosing immediate pleasure over long-term rewards, time-consuming responsibilities, time-consuming people (red alert!) and other reasons.

If we want to reach our goals, we need to do something different. We have to stop zig-zagging all over. We have to give up “start-stop-maybe later”. We need laser-like focus.

Work on one thing at a time. Completing tasks is vital to feeling motivated and successful. It feels unsettling to have a list of half-finished or barely-started goals, projects and tasks. Commit to the task that’s in front of you. Take it to completion.

Minimize distractions. You already know which ones. Entertainment, email, social media and sometimes even certain people. Yes, even funny cat videos (well, save those for the weekend maybe).

“Focus means saying ‘no’ to everything while working on your task, project or goal. Block out the world and say ‘yes’ to the task in front of you.”

Develop both short-term and long-term focus. Short-term focus helps you with your immediate tasks and long-term focus is what directs you to keep giving attention and energy to your long-term goals.

When you apply long-term focus, you’re committing to something over the long haul. You might only spend a few days a week on your goal, but over a period of several months, you keep dedicating time to your goal on a regular basis.

2. The Habit of Determination

Cultivate relentless determination.
Imagine a hungry dog in your kitchen and you’ve placed a big, juicy steak on the counter, just slightly out of his reach. He becomes a slobbering mess in anticipation of this perfect treat. That dog is going to try again and again to get that steak. He’ll try all day, he wants it that badly.

That’s determination. You need to be that slobbering, hungry dog.

Ok, maybe I’ve gone too far with that one, but cultivating determination is essential if we want to make faster progress. Determination = intensity. It’s heat. Passion. Hunger.

Quite often, we’ll only make one or two attempts at something new or difficult. When we don’t get quick results, we label our efforts (and ourselves) as a failure. The real problem is we just gave up too soon.

Whatever you’re working on, commit to it. And each day, commit to it just a little bit more. Keep coming back to it and don’t let it out of your sight.

Remind yourself daily why you want your goals. Vividly imagine all the positive benefits you’ll get and how amazing you’ll feel once you’ve opened your first business or become conversational in Italian or started your morning Yoga routine.

This will be the fuel that drives your determination. Drink up. Slobbering is optional.

3. The Habit of Continual Improvement

Make small, steady improvements.
Learning, growth and skill development usually happen over a period of time. We don’t have to be immediately amazing at something.

If you focus on making incremental improvements every time you work on your tasks and goals, before you know it, you will be skilled at your task, perhaps even highly-skilled.

Each time you’re doing an activity, review what didn’t work. Resolve to do something different. Make adjustments. Refine your process.

Do this again and again every time and you’ll see that your confidence and skill level will grow massively.

By this time next year, you could very well be a tightrope-walking, fire-eating opera singer. Or whatever your goals might be. Am I the only one going for that one?

Conclusion

These three habits work together. They all complement and augment each other.

Think how powerful your actions will be once you become focused, determined and are continually making small improvements. You’ll be an unstoppable force.

Going after your goals doesn’t have to be a painful process. In fact, using these high-impact habits, you’ll even enjoy tackling your goals and blowing past obstacles. So go for it. Your goals are worth it.

What’s been your biggest challenge in reaching your goals? How do you stay focused, determined and in a mode of continually improving? Let me know in the comments section below. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!

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5 Deceptively Easy Ways to Double Your Energy Today

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5 Deceptive Ways To Double Your Energy Today

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It’s 3 pm at work, and you’re dragging. You’ve still got a couple hours to go, and you’ve already had a coffee or two, but you just can’t get the energy to really focus enough and keep going to make it happen.

What do you do?

Well here are five tiny habits you can start doing (today) for loads more coffee-free energy to keep you fueled for your busy life.

#1. Flip the nutrient ratio

Ever notice how when you eat certain foods (or a big meal) you feel sluggish, tired and gross for a few hours? Maybe you just feel unproductive and sleepy after lunch while you’re working – well that’s because what we eat has a large influence on our perceived energy.

Think of it like this: how do you feel after eating a salad versus eating a big steak with mashed potatoes and gravy?

The steak and mashed potatoes probably make you feel stuffed and tired. Now I’m not saying to stop eating steak or go vegan or anything, but maybe save that for a dinner meal.

When you add more plants to your meals, you’re going to be getting more fiber, more nutrients, and more water, while also getting filled without stuffing yourself and feeling heavy after.

The idea of flipping the nutrient ratio simply means to include more unrefined grains (like whole wheat, brown rice, quinoa), which are dramatically higher in nutrients, vitamins and minerals, rather than the typical “Standard American Diet” which leaves you sluggish and tired.

It also means including more plants and “green things” that are fresher, which will give you important vitamins, hydrate you, and leave you feeling less tired after you eat.

#2 Do the swap

Ever find yourself struggling to get anything done first thing in the morning without coffee?

Or maybe it’s the afternoon crash – if so, wait before you reach for that next cup of coffee.

A recent study suggested that drinking ice cold water first thing in the morning (or anytime you need a pick me up) might be just as effective as drinking coffee (and a lot better for you).

Next time you need to wake up a bit and don’t have a good spot to nap, take a couple ice cubes, toss them in your water and you’ll get a pretty quick wake up call.

Especially if you find yourself working lots of hours, it can seem natural to just rely on drinking multiple cups of coffee per day, but not only is too much coffee (and caffeine) just going to increase stress hormones, it’s also going to affect your ability to relax after you finally get off work.

#3 Follow the rule of 180

You’ve probably heard all the conflicting advice on the planet regarding nutrition: eat every three hours, make sure to eat breakfast, do intermittent fasting and so on and so forth.

But eating every three hours is one of the best things you can do to offset low blood sugar.

Low blood sugar is a primary cause of fatigue, lack of energy, mood swings, and cravings. And just by eating more regularly – keeping your blood sugar consistent, you can offset any kind of crash that will alter your energy levels.

Like we’ll talk about in step five, the best way to also have a stable blood sugar is to change specifically what you’re eating.

Some of the fastest ways to do this are super simple, like:

  • Change your snacks to high-protein snacks, which keep you fuller, longer and stabilize blood sugar
  • Eat more whole grains (like brown rice), because they have more fiber and nutrients
  • Eat every three hours, and don’t snack – because you’ll constantly be on the verge of hunger

#4 Drop the white stuff

It’s so temping to grab a bagel with butter when you’re rushing to work in the morning, but in reality, refined carbs (white bread, bagels, etc.) especially in combination with sugar (hello pastries), are quite possibly the worst combination for your mood and energy.

Refined carbs (versus whole grains for example) have two major problems:

First, they rapidly spike your blood sugar and then make it quickly crash after.

This is bad news for your energy (and mood!). The reason is because they lack some of the fiber and bran that unrefined carbs have, and as a result, they don’t regulate your blood sugar as well.

The other big problem is that refined carbs actually have a lot less nutrition than whole, unrefined carbs. In some nutrients, it’s as little as 1/20th the nutrition.

So you’re not only getting less nutrition, but you’re also making yourself more prone to cravings and weight gain.

#5 Have a “30g” breakfast

The last principle here to having way more energy today is to have the “30g” breakfast, which just means emphasizing at least 30g of protein with each meal.

In fact, if you want energy all day long, have at least 30g of protein at each meal with your veggies.

Having a sizeable amount of protein in the morning will help you stay fuller, longer, it’ll help stabilize blood sugar which is important for mood and energy, and it’ll keep those cravings away.

Follow these five daily habits, and you’ll be sure to double your energy very quickly, boost your mood, and have that sustained productivity you’ve been craving.

What’s worked for you? Share it below!

Bio: Alexander is the founder of Modern Health Monk, an integrative health site that shows busy professionals how to lose weight using the power of tiny habits. You can get his free starter’s guide here: 5 daily habits for healthy weight loss here.

 

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7 Truths that Helped Me To Heal from Trauma and Abuse

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Chances are if you’re reading this right now, there’s something you want to change:

  • Maybe you want a better job
  • Maybe you want a different partner
  • Maybe you want to find your purpose

If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably tried various methods to answer these tough questions, ranging from the Internet to alcohol to therapy.

I grew up in a suburb outside of New York City in a family that valued high achievement. As in many Indian families, I was taught that success is an external thing you pursue. An esteemed job you can brag about is like the Holy Grail for many in my culture, and I bought into that concept hard.

By age 13, I had full-on depression. Everyone else assumed I was simply sad. I soon began a love-hate relationship with medication at 14, taking anti-depressants, mood stabilizers, ADD medication, and sleep aids … You name it, I took it.

I loved having a diagnosis; it was a label that could define me and explain the way I felt. It comforted me. It reaffirmed my victim mentality: that I had no choices and this was just who I was. Not surprisingly, things got worse. Beyond the constant adjustments of pills and playing the side-effects-balancing game, this strategy confirmed the belief that true happiness was an external thing I had to get. I felt flawed, broken, and alone.

Years, drinks, and many relationships later, I was ready to give up. But a small and frustrated voice inside me said, There has to be a better way. But what way could that be? I had already tried everything!

Unfortunately, a small, irritating voice is pretty easy to ignore. I needed a rock-bottom moment for that tiny voice to turn into a full-on scream. For me, that happened on December 31, 2010. I was raped. In my apartment. By someone I knew. The side-effect of my new medication virtually paralyzed my muscles during sleep. I couldn’t fight him off. I just woke up repeatedly and witnessed it. That was the moment when my dislike for medication turned into disdain.

For the next two weeks, I was numb. For the two weeks after that, I was drunk. That little voice came back and hit me over the head. I knew I had a choice: I could either allow him to ruin the rest of my life or I could take some responsibility and make a change.

I began boxing. It felt good to hit something. Exercise opened the door to other much-needed changes in my life. Changes that, had they been suggested before, I would have greeted with an overly-dramatic eye roll.

I had never believed in holistic anything. I always thought it was a bunch of granola-eating hippies who thought they could fix everything with herbal tea. Nevertheless, I had tried everything else. What did I have to lose?

As a self-proclaimed know-it-all, it was a struggle to admit that maybe I’d have to venture into the world of nutmilk, super foods, and—dare I say it—kale. It was my “Aha” moment. I decided not to be a victim anymore. At that moment, my health and happiness became MY responsibility; it wasn’t for a person, a pill, or a thing to fix. I wasn’t broken. It was the most empowering moment of my life.

Within two weeks, my life drastically changed. As I look back, hiring a coach, eating veggies, and meditating didn’t fix me. They did something much better: they allowed me to see that I was never broken at all.

Now, my vision of success is not an external thing you “pursue, ” but an internal state of alignment and bliss. Most people saw my external transformation, but the real change was internal. I no longer needed medication, things, or people to make me happy.

When people ask me how I got over the Depression and abuse, I tell them “I don’t get over things, I get through them.” And in my personal experience and as a coach, there are

7 Truths that Helped Me To Heal from Trauma & Abuse:

  1. BLAME ONLY GETS YOU SO FAR.

When it first happened, I spent some time questioning whether I was actually “raped.” It was too difficult to accept what had happened and I felt that it would be easier to blame myself or call it some sort of “misunderstanding.” The truth is that culpability doesn’t change a situation. No matter what happened to me or to him, it was my responsibility to take care of myself. And while I could have spent more time in the “I wish things were different” cycle, all it did was keep me stuck. And so I chose to be courageous. I chose to feel the feelings, ask for help, and stop silencing my voice. Because ultimately, courage isn’t a feeling, it’s a decision.

2. FORGIVE YOURSELF.

More than forgiving the other person, the biggest shift in my life came from forgiving myself for what happened. Unconsciously, I held onto anger and guilt, further exacerbating the issue by attracting people and situations that would confirm my self-limiting beliefs. I found compassion for others, but never for myself. The moment I decided to give myself what I gave to others was the start of my journey to self-love, self-esteem, and self-respect. Forgiveness gives you the power to re-write your story. And self-forgiveness is just as important as forgiving others.

  1. EVERYONE WILL GIVE YOU ADVICE. MOST OF IT WILL SUCK.

Everyone who knows will try to help you. Despite their best intentions and desire to help, they will give you advice on how you should feel and deal. Unless they have gone through it, their advice will annoy the shit out of you. And while there may be times you want support and want to talk about it, don’t assume that your usual go-tos for answers are the right people. They love you, but they may injure you more. And honestly, I feel for them. It’s hard to feel powerless to help someone you care about when you can’t magically fix it. My advice: choose where to get support. Explain to your loved ones what you need.  It took me a while to learn to say, “I’m going to share with you how I feel. I don’t want you to try to fix it. I just need you listen.” Sometimes we need to directly tell others how to meet our needs.

  1. ASK FOR HELP. LOTS OF IT.

Based on #3, I’m not advising you to keep it to yourself. Once you make the choice to get help from appropriate sources, get lots of it. DBT, CBT, EMDR, not to mention yoga, meditation, couples therapy, a spiritual mentor, and puppy cuddles. Loved some, hated others. I wanted to find the one modality that would fix everything. But much like the perfect chocolate chip cookie, it simply doesn’t exist. As I look back and fondly bitch about the methodologies and practitioners who claimed their way to be best, I realize that everything played a role in my growth.  I learned positive communication & coping skills, emotional resilience, and more than anything, how to trust myself. Today, I see an AMAZING therapist, I exercise, I engage in creative outlets, I meditate, and I honor my intuition. Ultimately, even if only 10% of everything I do now is actually making a difference, it all adds up. Try everything that intuitively feels right, there’s more than one path to healing.

  1. SELF-LOVE AND SELF-CARE AREN’T SELFISH.

When you’ve spent a long time feeling small, it can be hard to prioritize your needs. On a very deep level, we’ve been conditioned to believe that we don’t deserve it, that it’s wrong, or that it’s selfish to care for ourselves. It’s no wonder we have such a hard time choosing to love ourselves before we love others.  Sexual assault shakes your sense of self to the very core. To heal yourself, prioritize your self-care. These actions may be uncomfortable, but that just means you’re doing the right thing. After all, in discomfort is where we grow. Choose to be gentle and compassionate with yourself.

  1. SELF-EXPRESSION IN ANY FORM IS EMPOWERING.

Much of my growth came from honoring and cultivating my own voice. I began singing, I spoke up for myself, I started writing. I began expressing myself. More than that, I began owning it, listening to it, and loving it.

  1. GROWTH ISN’T LINEAR.

Each year, I feel better. There are still moments when I feel like curling up in a ball. And in those moments, I get scared that I’m going to enter a serious Depression or that my growth wasn’t as large or legitimate as I had thought. But the truth is that growth isn’t linear. Feeling the full range of emotions is imperative to processing what happened. And the many layers of recovery offer greater opportunities for growth, self-awareness, and peace. Despite the temporary relief that Netflix and alcohol might offer, you need to feel it to heal it.

For me, life is about gratitude. For what I am, what I’ve achieved, and what I’ll create. Each day gives me an opportunity to begin again. An opportunity to let go of the past and take steps toward my ultimate goal: creating a life aligned with my best self. And each year, another bit fades away and reveals who I’m meant to be, allowing me to step into my potential and live my true life’s purpose. And it all started with a moment of surrender and the humbling admission that there had to be a better way to create a happy, fulfilling, and successful life that I love.

Download Amita’s eBook 10 Tips To Become The Happiest Person You Know.

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5 Quotes to Jumpstart Your Gratefulness and Peace of Mind

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5 Quotes To Jumpstart Your Gratefulness & Peace of Mind

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There is nothing I seek more than gratefulness and peace of mind. When I’m in their grip, I’m floating on air.

You’ve felt it, too, haven’t you?

Then, you’ve also felt it slip away… Because it’s tough to spend every moment of our lives in a state of gratitude, especially when things that happen to us aren’t exactly positive, right? It’s tough to be grateful on a rainy day when everything seems to go wrong. Not to mention feel peace of mind!

Luckily, there’s a way to jumpstart your gratitude engine and get back into a peaceful frame of mind. 

Here are a few quotes I love to read when I need that extra push…

1. “Sometimes we get so focused on the difficulty of our climb that we lose sight of being grateful for simply having a mountain to climb.” — Oprah Winfrey

I mentioned earlier that it’s hard to be grateful all the time because real life isn’t always rosy. But what it we could be grateful for the difficult stuff, too?

Just having the opportunity to be alive, to be striving for better, to have a mountain to climb (in Oprah’s words) is something to be grateful for. The path we’re on, while it may feel difficult now, is a beautiful one, for its our own. It’s an opportunity.

2. “Nothing which life has to offer is worth the price of worry. ” — Napoleon Hill

The easiest way to squash peace of mind is through worry. According to Napoleon Hill, worry is a waste of your time and your energy. Instead of spending the time worrying, why not doing something proactive instead?

The way I see it, you can worry and act OR you can just act. Which do you prefer?

If worry adds no value to my life and crowds out my peace of mind, I’d rather drop it completely. Are you with me?

3.  “A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself.” – Abraham Maslow

I’ve found the easiest way to stay within a gratitude mindset is to be loyal to my creativity. That is, to continually heed the call of creating what my soul yearns to create. Sometimes, that is writing articles like this and other times that means drawing a beautiful quote I come across. Other times, it’s taking photographs of my child.

Whatever I feel in the moment, I try my best to answer by freely creating with no judgement and no hesitation.

What do you create?

4.“Happiness only comes through inner peace and joy, which is only attainable through being in the present moment, free of expectations.” — Eckhart Tolle

Another shortcut to peace of mind? The present moment.

No matter what is going on in your mind, drop it and pay attention to what’s in front of you. Are you reading this on your phone? Stop and look around. Are you reading this on your computer? Stop and look around. There’s life happening all around you. Are you paying attention?

The life that’s bursting all around you is beautiful. There’s no denying it. Feel yourself be inundated with gratitude for it.

5. “What we know matters, but who we are matters more.” — Dr. Brene Brown

Have you ever watched someone lose their even keel, their joyful state because of something that happened at work? This happens every single day to so many of us.

Instead of letting this happen to me, I try to remember these wise words. My intelligence and my achievements aren’t what matter. What matters is what’s at my core: me, just the way I am, right now. And that feels like the relief in taking a deep, deep breath.

That’s it!

I hope this helps you get back into a frame of mind that’s full of gratitude and inner peace. That’s the ultimate goal, isn’t it? To feel wonderful no matter what is going on around us.

I invite you to bookmark this page for when you need a pick-me-up. Go ahead, do it! These great minds will be here waiting to support you and remind you that there’s a better way, a peaceful state of mind available to you at any moment. Every moment!

And if you’re interested in more where this came from, join me over at my website.

About the author: Marcella Chamorro is a new mom, writer and entrepreneur intent on helping you gain peace of mind and creative flow (if that’s your jam). Read her work at marcexo.com.

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