It’s inspiring to envision the future and to set dreams and goals for things we hope to achieve. But then there’s the question of how to turn those dreams into reality. It’s not as easy as just wishing it to happen; our biggest dreams can take a lot of time, hard work and perseverance.

Fortunately there are plenty of people who have already made it happen. We can learn from them and study their efforts in order to understand what went right.

As Brian Tracy once said, “success leaves tracks.” And in those tracks we can discover habits and behaviors that helped make them so successful. From there we can gain insights and knowledge to guide us on our own paths.

1. They don’t make excuses why it won’t work – they find reasons it will

There are a lot of excuses to give why you can’t reach your dreams – time, money, energy, environment among others. Sometimes they can seem impossible to overcome.

But those who successfully reach their dreams don’t give in to these excuses. Rather than seeing obstacles as insurmountable, they see them as challenges – something they’ll eventually solve.

Instead of finding reasons why your dreams won’t work, start to look for reasons that they will. This will help you avoid a defeatist mindset and move you a step closer to victory.

2. They’re willing to take risks

The bigger the goal, the bigger the risk it takes to get there. As with any big endeavor, there’s always an element of chance and the possibility of failure.

Reaching your dreams means putting yourself out there and doing things you’ve never attempted. Whether that means taking a chance on an opinion, a business or a product, you have to try something new to reach your reward.

But if you believe in yourself and know that what you’re doing is the right course of action, the risk will be worthwhile. The only alternative is to sit back and wonder what might have been.

3. They know that getting anywhere takes time, patience and effort

History is full of people who gave up too early, never realizing just how close they were to realizing their goals. Whatever your dream happens to be, you’ll need strength to persevere every day towards it.

Perseverance acts like a filter to weed out those who only “kind of” want their dream from those who truly want it. Think of it like an endurance test which needs to be passed in order to get where you want.

The time and patience it takes to reach your dreams should be treated like a marathon. We’re trying to get to the finish line, but need to focus on continually making progress. In the end it doesn’t matter what your pace is as long as you keep putting enough footsteps in front of the other. With enough patience and perseverance, you’ll eventually get to the end.

4. They create time to make it happen

If you’re like most people, you lead a busy life. We all have things to do, friends to hang out with, and lives to live. But in all your busyness, enough time needs to be carved out to work on making your dreams a reality.

Take a lesson from John Grisham. While writing his first novel, he worked 60-70 hours a week as a lawyer, using any time in the morning or during courtroom recess he could find.

By most people’s measures, he had no time to write. But instead of giving up, he created time whenever possible and that eventually helped him launch his writing career.

5. They have unwavering faith in themselves

People who reach their dreams don’t know they’ll reach it. If they’ve never done it before, they have no previous experience to reference.

It’s often hard to find reasons why you think you’ll make it. There will be more doubts and fears pulling you back and little to no reassurance of success.

This is why faith is so important. When your path to success is unclear, it will keep you moving forward, knowing that somehow you’ll find your way. With enough faith, you’ll discover hidden strength and resolve to keep you moving forward.

6. They enjoy the process to get there

Realizing your dreams is a lot like mountain climbing. For most of the climb, you’re fixated on reaching the top – that’s your goal. However, most of your time will be spent on the journey to get there.

The journey to reach your dreams is just as important as the dream itself, perhaps more important since that’s where you’ll spend most of your time. You have to love the work and effort you do every day to reach your destination.

If you can’t find a way to enjoy the time it takes to reach your dream, you’ll find it harder to get there. Getting your dream isn’t solely about the target, it’s also about finding the joy in the process to get there.

7. They don’t rely on luck, they prepare for it

The relationship between working hard and being lucky is closer than most people realize. However, luck is a concept that most people misunderstand.

Being lucky isn’t solely about being in the right place at the right time. It’s also about preparation and being in the right mindset so when the right opportunity comes along, you’ll be able to capitalize on it.

The ancient Roman philosopher Seneca once said, “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” With that in mind, we should see luck as nothing more than preparation for the moment when all your hard work pays off.

Steve is the writer behind Do Something Cool where he blogs about travel, motivation, self improvement and adventure. He’s always looking for ways to make life more interesting. For fresh ideas on living life to the fullest, join his newsletter.

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Most of the people we’re surrounded by every day – our loved ones, friends, colleagues, neighbors, etc. – have flaws. There are things in their behavior, appearance and way of thinking that we want to change.

Some of the stuff they do annoys us, we don’t agree with their opinion on particular topics, we don’t like some of their habits. And all of this prevents us from enjoying their company, appreciating them for who they are, accepting them and being good to them.

Eventually, that brings disappointment and discontent in our lives, makes the other person feel bad, and ruins our relationship.

And this is a result of us wanting to change them.

But why?

Why would we take an individual, someone that’s already a part of our life, who’s already perfect in his own unique way, and try to change him so that he can answer our expectations and be who we imagine him to be?

Isn’t that selfish?

Of course it is.

And if we stop for a moment and think about it, we’ll realize how ridiculous this desire of ours is.

Trying to change others is an awful thing to do.

We live with an ideal of how another person must behave and whenever he doesn’t do what we expect, we’re disappointed.

We don’t let him be who he is and try hard to change him. But when we do, he becomes another person and is different from the one we loved/became friends with/ had something in common with.
And we’re still not satisfied.

So let’s see how we can turn that process around and have great relationships:

9 Ways to Stop Trying to Change People

1. Let go of ideals.

Why would you have your own version of who others should be at all?

You can’t decide how they need to live their lives, you can only choose who to be in yours and accept him for who he is.

2. Respect their individuality.

Those around you are individuals, just like you.

They are unique human beings and have their own way of thinking. Everyone sees the world in his own way. It’s not right or wrong, it’s just different.

All the people in your life are complex mixtures of opinions, emotions, values, knowledge, experience, dreams, interests and goals.

Don’t change that! It’s taken them so long and so much to get here. Respect that!

3. Focus on their good sides.

Flaws are inevitable, but why focus on that?

Instead, see the good in others. Only this little change can make you so much more happier. And without changing anything in them, you’ll start appreciating and enjoying who they are.

4. Put yourself in their shoes.

Everyone is fighting a battle.

Most of the people you see every day have been through a lot, and this explains why sometimes they act bad, can’t trust you, are rude, want to be alone, etc.

You never know what’s going on in their life, so keep that in mind next time you start judging.

Their problems may be bigger that you expect.
Often people have money issues, are hurt, have a disease, or else, but don’t tell anyone about it.

So don’t try to change them, don’t take it personally if they behave in a way you don’t like.

5. Be compassionate.

The best way to show understanding, love and acceptance is through compassion.
This will help both you and the other person no matter what the situation is.

6. Be grateful for having them.

Whatever it is that you want to change in them, it can be put aside.
Meanwhile, thank them for being here, appreciate who they are.

After all, they too have decided to be part of your life, to stick around, to put effort in keeping this relationship.

If you tell yourself that each time you’re with them, you’ll start seeing them as the blessings they are.
And soon all the things you don’t like about them won’t matter anymore.

7. Remember why they were important to you in the first place.

Maybe they are your family, you became friends, met under interesting circumstances, have spent quality time together, had a lot in common once, or else.

Go back to that time and remind yourself of the things that made you decide to make them part of your life.

They’ve done things for you, made sacrifices, dedicated their time and spent it with you.
And that’s enough to be thankful for.

8. Accept them and everything they do.

Stop trying to change things and interfere. Let everyone be who he is and accept his view, opinion, actions and behavior.

That will make your life so much easier, will simplify your relationship and both you and the other person will be free to do what you think is best.

9. Stop comparing.

Wanting to change someone means not agreeing with him, not approving his way of living life.
And that’s a result of comparing him to yourself.

But why should he be anything like you?

He wants other things in life, has a different approach and other stuff is important to him.

So let him follow his own path. Let him make mistakes and fail. That’s how everyone learns, grows and eventually succeeds.

***
Now you see why trying to change people is a bad thing. It’s actually a flaw of ours and something to work on.

You can lead a great life, have healthy relationships and make the best of each day that’s given to you by letting go of all judgment, comparison, ideals and expectations that concern other people.

Instead, let them be who they are, accept, be compassionate and enjoy every minute you get to spend with them.
That’s how life becomes a beautiful journey full of love, peace and contentment.

Are there people in your life you want to change? What is it that you don’t like about them? How do you deal with it

Lidiya K. is a writer and blogger in the fields of self-improvement, life hacking, human potential and minimalism. She’s the creator of Let’s Reach Success , where her mission is to motivate and inspire and think of creative and unusual ways to overcome fear, procrastination, insecurity, clutter, failure, overthinking, discontent and much more.

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News and media is widely accessible these days thanks to modern technology; we can keep up to date at home or on the go, and at any time of the day or night.

It used to be the case that in order to become informed of the current events of the world, we would have to tune in to the TV or radio at certain times throughout the day.

When I was younger, my parents would sit down to watch the main evening news at 6pm everyday- and sometimes again at 9pm. This was extremely upsetting for me and my brothers- as our cartoons were put on hold in favor of current affairs and politics, and other such material that we found uninteresting.

What struck me at the time was how- more often than not- the mood in the room would become slightly tetchy after watching the news. It would usually leave my parents feeling upset, and frustrated.

Similarly, if there were a group of adults watching the news together- for example if we had visitors over- a big discussion would always ensue where everyone would complain about the current state of affairs; a cluster of pessimism.

I always showed my age at the time by thinking- perhaps a little selfishly-

“We’re missing ‘The Simpsons’ for this?!”

As I got older and began to tune in myself- I found that there rarely seemed to be happy or uplifting stories being broadcast, and I can’t recall ever coming away feeling revitalized or enlightened as a result.

So, I made the conscious decision a long time ago to not tune in to the news- of any kind.

Now and again I will have a look at the sports pages- as I am a sports fan- or the gossip column just to keep an eye on what Kourtney, Kim and Khloé are getting up to- but that goes without saying.

I know some will say that it is irresponsible- that we should keep informed with current affairs and what is going on in the world around us- and maybe they are right.

For me though, I like to think that there is much to be gained by taking control of the information we consume.

Health

Stay with me here.

Yes, every nugget of information we absorb on a daily basis is affecting our health- and that includes the type of news we decide to engage with.

In gaining complete control of the material we expose ourselves to- we are taking steps towards improving our health and happiness. I understand that this isn’t always possible to control- but it’s something we can try to keep in mind.

It doesn’t make any sense to me- to invest our time in something that is perhaps going to have a negative impact on our well-being.

Productivity

I’m not sure of the exact figures, but I would guess that we spend a pretty substantial chunk of our week tuned in to news and media.

Why not free up some of that time spent listening to those irritating politicians go around in circles- and dedicate it towards some of the things which we had been putting off.

Maybe it’s the novel we had always dreamed of writing, or the business idea that has been simmering now for some time, or perhaps there is something we simply want to tick off our bucket list- whatever the case- let’s go and get after it.

Mindfulness

When we begin to limit our exposure to news and media, we allow ourselves to become more aware of our thoughts and feelings.

In doing so, we are afforded with the opportunity to listen to our inner voice, and to carry on passionately along the path that was set out for us.

Purpose and Meaning

In the act of looking inward- rather than allowing outside influences dictate our thoughts and actions- we begin to realize what it is that we really want to achieve in life.

We have an opportunity to create our own news- to impact the world and the lives of those around us in a positive way- with desire and fortitude.

The world will continue to turn- whether we decide to tune in or not- but the important thing is that we feel in control of our own destiny.

Like I said, I don’t feel like we are missing out on anything by deciding not to follow the news- quite the opposite actually. I feel like we can be better for it, and have much more to gain by deciding to take control of the information we consume.

If there is something of great importance- or is of relevance to our current situations- I figure we will find out sooner or later.

Who knows, perhaps the day will come when I will feel the need to start following the news- when I have transformed into one of those disagreeable old hecklers from ‘The Muppets’ and have become cynical and battle-hardened from the experiences of life- but I sincerely hope not.

Or better still, maybe by then the news will be filled with positive, inspirational, feel-good content that will leave us feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, excited to go and make the most of the day ahead; to live our lives to the fullest.

Now that is something I would tune in to.

We can live and hope- but until then- I’ll stick to my cartoons.

You can check out Patrick’s self-development website The Irish Introvert, and you can also follow him on Twitter and Facebook. 

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Can one predict their future? Not really. There are ways, however, to help your life steer in the direction you wish. One of the huge benefits, is that you can start today – in fact, right now. The best way to begin, is to research where you currently are (see the graph below).

Now I want you to put an imaginary line on the graph – one that will most accurately show where you stand in it. This should be seen as a progress bar. In order to end up in the purple area, you need to know how close you are to it. A common problem nowadays is that most people happen to know their friends better than they know their own selves. That is also one of the main reasons this article exists. Let’s get started now!

The first exercise that’ll help you, is to make a “priorities list” for the things you love doing. We are looking for things that you can progress in – like playing an instrument for example. I understand drinking beer might be your favorite thing to do, but you can’t get better than other beer lovers. We need things that you’ll constantly improve at. If you find yourself unable to think of anything appropriate to write down, do yourself a favor, and expand on your skill sets. Live by the “Try Everything Once” principle to experience your life to it’s fullest. Wanna learn how to cook? Join a class! Feeling like dancing? Move your body to the nearest club and start shaking it!

Next thing you’ll want to know about yourself, is your insecurities and fears. Yes, I know most people hate doing that, but it’s just as vital for your success as knowing your hobbies. Let’s try observing it from another perspective : your best version is confident. Confident people also have fears and insecurities, but they’re not afraid to admit it. In that sense, understanding what makes you feel uncomfortable is a huge step towards success.

“To overcome your fears, you must first get to know them.”

Body language and social skills are also worth mentioning. Grab a book and read more about those, so you’ll know exactly where you stand. A great way to improve your communication skills, is to constantly keep meeting new people. This will expand your knowledge and you’ll also be able to observe different behavior patterns. Having a good body posture is a must if you want to emit confidence, and using it in your advantage will always benefit you. Get to know how close your current skill set is to that of a confident person, and improve on that.

Habits also have a heavy impact on who you are, and who you’ll become. Learn what’s driving you to light up that morning cigarette, or to have a work out routine. Understand the idea behind every habit you have, and choose which ones to get rid of. Think of it this way : if you could stop smoking, and start spending money only on important things, you’ll have reduced the chances of getting a lung cancer and will have saved enough money to start your own business one day.

Planning your future is a great thing, but plans should be easy to follow, so aiming for something really far ahead won’t benefit you – you’ll find the lack of immediate results frustrating instead. After realizing who you are, you’ll be able to find purpose in your life. At this point, choosing who you want to become will be a piece of a cake.

I’m Todor Kostov from Dive In Success. A blog, in which we express our thoughts on different life-changing topics.

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Shelly Drymon – a Damsel no longer in distress has gone through her own amazing transformation.  She is the founder of The Rescue Yourself Project – where she helps women in mid-life transitions pursue their passion and purpose and to be their own knights in shining armor.  You can read her story on her website – The Rescue Yourself Project.

The post The 4 Steps To Align Your Life With Your True Self appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

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I want it and I want it now!  We say this to ourselves every single time we demand instant gratification, quick results, or fast progress at something- even though we may sound like children.  There are some ways to actually speed up the way we learn and improve at something however.  Ironically, many of the ways to get better at something fast involve not focusing so much on results, but instead focusing on the process of getting better. 

1. Practice. A lot.

This one might be common sense, but the number one way to get better at something is to practice.  Even if its hard, even if its boring, even if its not fun, if you want to get better at something you need practice.  Through the dedication to practicing and learning, you will develop skill and experience that will make you better at what you are doing.  Whether it’s math, saving money, speed reading, or playing tennis, practicing will help make you better.

2. Read books or articles from experts.

Experts exist in practically every field imaginable.  Many experts get big book contracts to write: articles, blogs, books, and they even do interviews directly passing on the skills and knowledge they learned while mastering an area of expertise;  people are willing to pay big money to learn these lessons straight from an expert who has already been through it.  Books, articles, videos, and speeches from others who are already amazing at what you are trying to learn will make your life easier, motivate you along the way, and help you make your practice more valuable.

3. Practice smarter, not harder (focus on process over production)

As you learn more about the ways that other successful people practice and get better at something, you can try to apply the same techniques to your own practice.  For example: if you are working on developing your public speaking skills and a famous speaker recommends- in an article- to join toastmasters or give speeches each month at a get together, you can implement this practice and increase the speed at which you learn.  Its not always just about working harder, but sometimes we have to learn to work smarter as well.

An easy trap to fall into when trying to get better at something is to focus only on results.  As we focus more on our results over actual improvement, we begin to build pressure on ourselves.  Each time we fall short or fail to meet our expectations, we are hard on ourselves and we can stifle our motivation and drive.  By choosing to focus on the practice and on doing the things we need to do to get better instead of focusing on results, we can lift some of the weight off of our shoulders and really enjoy what we are doing.  By focusing on the process over the product, we can learn to love the journey of getting better. 

4. Set goals.

By setting measurable and precise goals we can better motivate ourselves and measure ourselves against our own goals rather than against other people.  When we compare ourselves against others, we can often be left feeling inadequate or unsatisfied, but when we look at how we’re doing today versus 1 year ago, it becomes much clearer how far we have come along the way.  Additionally, goals help us stay motivated and focused on the things we need to do each day in order to get better. If we set a goal to write an article every day, eventually we are going to write a lot of articles and get much better. 

5. Evaluate and take notes.

Whenever you are practicing, reading, or setting goals, take notes of the process along the way as you learn important new details; you can make notes each time you learn something new, that you can review at a later time.  As you learn new things, you will inevitably begin to focus on new details and you will start to forget older revelations.  By regularly evaluating your progress, results, and the ways in which you are actively seeking to improve, you can make adjustments as needed and cement the things that are working well.

By using these 5 simple tips you can increase your productivity, learn faster, and incorporate new information better.  It may feel counterintuitive to set goals when you could be practicing instead, but you must learn to focus on how to get better more than you focus on just getting better.

——–

Shane Sorensen is a life coach, nurse, blogger, and the owner of http://ift.tt/1wkNKgQ.  If you would like to learn more you can visit his website, or email him at ShaneSorensen@MakeYourBestSelf.com

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I’m one of those weirdos that prefers reading non-fiction books over fiction books any day of the week — especially when it comes to books about leadership, success and self-help. It’s just my thing. My library is filled with books on how to build and sustain the habits necessary to live the happiest, healthiest, and wealthiest way of life I’m capable of living. And I can tell you without a shadow of doubt that reading these self-help books over the years has definitely transformed my life for the better… But you know what? Every now and then, I’d find myself in the middle of reading one of these books only to realize that it’s filled with nothing more than a bunch of pseudo-science mumbo jumbo disguised as the truth.

And quite frankly, I found this incredibly disturbing. Which is why I decided to put together this list of the 7 scientific self-help books that you can use to transform your life without worrying about whether what you’re reading is fact or fiction. Every book on this list contains information that is researched extensively and exhaustively beyond that of most every other book in the self-help genre.

So, are you ready? Let’s dive in.

#1. Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz

The original scientific self-help book, written by a plastic surgeon who decided that he wanted to go deeper than aesthetics — he wanted to change people’s lives from the inside-out. Pick this one up for a primer on self-image psychology. Buy the book here.

#2. Waking Up by Sam Harris

If you’re curious about spirituality, but prefer not to attach your identity to any specific set of religious beliefs, then the scientific approach to spirituality set forth by neuroscientist Sam Harris in Waking Up could be just what you’ve been looking for. Buy the book here.

#3. The Power of Full Engagement by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz

The big idea behind this book is that our approach to stress management is all wrong — it’s not about managing our time – it’s about managing our energy. Once we can do that, we can begin finding the balance we seek both at work and at home. Buy the book here.

#4. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

No list self-improvement books of any kind is complete without The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. If you had to choose just one single book to dramatically shift your personal development, this is the one you need to go with. Period. Buy the book here.

#5. The ONE Thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan

The ONE Thing is a book for anyone who needs crystal clear clarity on how to set and get goals. This book tells us that simplicity is the real secret to success, and it’s got the science to back it up. Buy the book here.

#6. Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

This is a book about the science and psychology of “optimal experience” (translation: how to live the happiest, most enjoyable and fulfilling life possible). If you’re interested in learning about how it feels to use your greatest gifts, skills, and passions in a way that only YOU are capable of using them – then read this book.

#7. The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

In The Power of Habit, you’ll learn the in’s and out’s of habit-formation. In the book, author Charles Duhigg has sifted through the science and busted many commonly-held myths about habit-formation so that all you’re left with are actionable frameworks that you can put to use immediately to help you build lasting habits, and break bad ones. Buy the book here.

Which book will you read first?

Now that you’ve got this list of 7 scientific self-help books — there’s only one question left… Which one do you read first? Should you go out and get all of them immediately? Should you read them all at once? So many options. So little time. Ultimately, it’s totally your decision what you do with this list and how you apply it to your life and career. But if I may, here’s what I would suggest you consider as you get started:

• Subscribe to a book summary site, like FlashNotes Book Summaries to get the key-takeaways from the books on this list.
• If you’d prefer to read an entire book, I would highly suggest that you read just ONE book at a time. Sometimes, when we see something new and exciting, we have tendency to want to do/learn/read it all at once… and as we all know, this is nearly impossible to do without stressing ourselves out. So, choose a book. And then commit to reading it from start to finish.
• If you’re in a rush, try Audio books, or Audible Book Summaries.
• Finally, if you’re in a super rush, checkout some YouTube video book summaries, like this one.

Dean Bokhari is best-selling author and host of Meaningful*FM (MeaningfulHQ.com),one of the web’s most popular personal development podcasts.

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