Motivation seems like a difficult nut to crack.

Somedays it comes in truckloads. So much more than you want. Pity, you can’t store it up. Because on the other days it just refuses to come at all. You leave all the important work to wait for it to show up and yet it doesn’t.

It is for days like these that the following tips will help you. These tips will make the wait shorter and more exciting.

#1: Give up.

The first step in this difficult to crack problem is to accept your lack of desire to work. Tell yourself it is okay even when it is not. In other words, give up.

And observe if you are able to stop at that. Notice if you can move on to the next task.

You will if your reason for doing the task in the first place wasn’t crystal clear. Otherwise, you will get a lot more clarity on your “why” and this clarity will drag motivation right behind it.

“If you want to identify me, ask me not where I live, or what I like to eat, or how I comb my hair, but ask me what I am living for, in detail, ask me what I think is keeping me from living fully for the thing I want to live for.” ~ Thomas Merton

#2: Don’t take any action. Now.

This may sound absurd. Counterintuitive.

But you know what? It works. Because anticipation is great. Especially when you are starting out. Anticipation will help culminate the idea. Not only will you get excited about it but you will also find clarity on your purpose.

Plus you will get time to make a plan. And making a plan helps increase your odds of success multifold.

Defer action. But not forever.

If you find inspiration and want to do a goal, don’t start right away. Many of us will get excited and want to start today. That’s a mistake. Set a date in the future — a week or two, or even a month — and make that your Start Date. Mark it on the calendar. Get excited about that date. Make it the most important date in your life. In the meantime, start writing out a plan. ~ Leo Babauta

#3: Give yourself permission.

“If you want to achieve greatness stop asking for permission.” ~ Anonymous

I will ask you a question. You are presented with the task of writing a book review on a book. You have two options – two famous books, one that is an easy read and the other one which is an extremely complicated read. Which one will you choose?

The answer is inconsequential.

Because you will end up doing the review on the one that is the easy read. Even if you decide to do the complicated one in the beginning, you will be all set and pumped up for it until the time you have to start. Then, your motivation will suddenly vanish. After a few days, the deadline will loom closer and you will suddenly find yourself doing the easy one. Even though you intended to do the complicated one.

Unless you have a clear sense of why you wanted to read that complicated book.

Quite often a lack of motivation leads to procrastination.

And one major reason for this procrastination is the fact that you don’t give yourself permission, not permission to succeed (because you feel you are not worth it), nor the permission to fail.

Once you accept the imperfect outcomes, you are set. It is like giving an invite to motivation for dinner with Gandhi, it can’t help but come.

Because as it turns out, imperfect is the only action there is. ~ Scott Dinsmore, Live Your Legend

#4: Break up.

This means breaking your goals into smaller ones so that the resistance level that you face concerning the task comes down.

Low resistance = High motivation

A rational person will always choose a task that involves lower effort because he (like all of us) wants to save his energy. (And have more time left for fun.)

Cut down the tasks into manageable portions. Small chunks. Tiny bits. That’s simple but effective.

Exercise to stimulate, not to annihilate. The world wasn’t formed in a day, and neither were we. Set small goals and build upon them. ~ Lee Haney

#5: Give yourself a break.

Do other tasks. Help others. Make dinner. Water your plants. Read the newspaper. Watch the latest cat video.

Or do nothing.

Forget about doing the task-that-must-not-be-named at that moment. Just go with the flow.

Rest. Let your batteries charge. Give yourself some time off.

So that when you are back, you are back with a bang.

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.” ~ John Lubbock, The Use Of Life

What do you do to get motivated?

The post 5 Little Known Tips That Will Motivate You Immediately appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

http://ift.tt/1Ps5j1f

Maybe it’s your time now. Maybe it’s time to be all that you can be and to get the most out of your life. If you are not experiencing career success; if you are not satisfied in your personal life; if you know there to life than what you are experiencing, then it is time – time for you to unleash all of the potential that is hidden within you.

And it does all start with you – not your friends, family members, conditions at work, and so on. It begins with a change in attitude/thought, confidence, self-esteem, goal setting, and then, of course, action. Here’s 5-step process.

1. Changing Thought and Attitude

Nothing happens in anyone’s life that does not first begin with a thought. Thoughts and the words that accompany them are powerful. They can either limit or liberate us. The first step in reaching potential is to get rid of all of those negative thoughts that you carry around like a garbage can full of trash. Some of those thought are, “I’m not smart enough to go to college; I probably won’t find the right relationship; I won’t be able to find a better job; I’ll never have enough money to live nicely; I’m afraid to try that”.

All of these things, rolling around in your head, control how you act. If you continue to say you can’t go back to school (for whatever reason), then you won’t do it. Here’s something to try: When you have a negative thought, write it down – start keeping a list. Once you get them all written down, look carefully and see how you can counter them. For example, instead of, “I’m not smart enough to go back to school, say “I could try one course, maybe even online, and just see how I do.”

2. Your Goals

No one achieves his/her potential without goals. Goals begin with desires, so you will need time alone to research yourself. Yes, research, because that is how you discover what you really want. What would be your ideal job, lifestyle, relationship, etc.?

Now, back to that writing again. Let’s take the ideal job, for example. Suppose that would be owning your own business. Write down as much detail as possible. What product or service would you sell? What projects would you run? What do you need to start that business? Who would you sell the product or service to? How could you market it? Without realizing it, you are developing a plan to meet that goal. Now, what could you do in the next week that will get you started? Give yourself a deadline for that and put it on your calendar. Communicate that goal to a few trusted people. Then you “own” it, and you will feel much more responsibility for it.

Big goals are achieved in steps and stages. Instead of looking at the end right now (that can be intimidating), just look at the first step. That’s doable.

3. Eliminating Fear

Fear results in lack of confidence and ultimately very low self-esteem. People who fear change, striking out on a new path, or taking risks to improve their lives, are just stuck where they are. They live in a “comfort zone,” but that comfort zone is a place of no progress.

The only way to cure fear is by taking action, in small steps at a time. The first action, the next time you have a fear is to write it down. What exactly do you fear? Once you have it out and on paper, you can ask yourself a couple of Questions. Why do you fear this thing? Is it because you have failed at something similar in the past? Are you afraid you will fail now? Then ask yourself, what is the worst that could happen? If you fail at something, you’ll still be breathing. Sometimes when we write down the worst that could happen, it really does not seem as horrible as it was in our minds.

Once you have finished this little exercise, write down one small action you could take toward that thing you are fearing. Give yourself a time limit for that action. Maybe it’s a phone call; maybe it’s finding an online course; maybe it’s getting your resume updated for an eventual job search. Take one step.

4. Visualize

When we were kids we used to day dream and imagine a lot. Somehow, as we matured and life got in the way, we lost the time and the desire to dream and imagine. Our days, and sometimes our evenings are filled with “to-do’s.” We finish up our day and fall into bed, tired and ready to sleep. Even when we have trouble sleeping, we ruminate about worries and problems.

Learning to become a kid again and to daydream and visualize is a wonderful thing. Now that you have a goal, get a picture in your mind of what you and your world will look like when that goal is achieved. Go to that place in our mind several times a day, if only for a few minutes. When we learn to keep a vision of a great end result, we develop a positive attitude toward the goal and will work harder to achieve it.

5. Self-Talk

Just as visualization is important, so are the words we say to ourselves. Here is the self-talk that people who reach their potential engage in. “I can do this; I can learn anything I need to learn; I am worthy of good things; I am going to get this done and do it well; I can spend the time I need to spend to meet this goal; I will stick to what I have begun and follow through.” And as this self-talk becomes a habit, you will find that you begin to achieve the things you set out to achieve. And don’t forget the gratitude part. People who reach their potential are grateful that they have the skills, the talents, the motivation and the support of a few good people.

Now, use these tips as a bit of a checklist for yourself. Are you doing, on a daily basis, those things that will push you toward reaching your full potential? Keep this list. Read it every day. A great deal of reaching potential is developing those mental habits that allow you to take action.

The post 5 Ways To Unlock The Best Parts Of Yourself appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

http://ift.tt/1MBkiGi

It seems like the new health-craze these days is called “organic food”. You can buy everything, from produce to breads, soda, and chocolate, in health food stores, all carrying the label “organic”.

But does this automatically mean it’s a healthy food? Far from it. Just like other labels, namely “gluten free” or “sugar free”, organic food is just a slightly different version of the same food we’ve been eating for a long time.

The organic market is growing fast and makes up 4% of the overall food market by now. Even the big conventional chains are now offering almost every type of food as an organic version too because the organic sales have almost quadrupled over the last 10 years! Clearly, people are more conscious about their food choices and asking for healthy alternatives.

But what is the definition of organic food? Besides the fact that it’s been produced sustainably, it also wasn’t treated with any artificial pesticides, synthetic fertilizers, sewage sludge, genetically modified organisms, or ionizing radiation.

Avoiding all of these will already improve your health quite a bit since you only feed your body what’s supposed to be nourishing. But when you give yourself permission to consume any food as long as it’s organic – you might just be fooling yourself.

Choose your food wisely

Organic chocolate is still made with heaps of sugar and fat, organic chips are still fried, organic red meat is still a carcinogen, and organic soda is basically just sugary bubbly water. Although you will be getting less chemical contamination, your body still wants to eat natural and healthful food.

So when deciding which foods you should buy, go for a healthy basis first. Is it nourishing? Is it full of antioxidants? Does it provide you with clean fuel? Will it have any harmful effects?

Not only can this save you a lot of health issues – it will also be beneficial to your wallet because simple whole foods are the cheapest on the market.

That being said, of course you should try to buy your food from an organic brand as often as possible. A 2014 study conducted in Melbourne found that eating organic for only one week reduces urine pesticide levels by almost 90 %. So this makes a huge difference!

Here are the top 4 reasons you should buy organic:

1. Nutritional Value

Some studies have shown that organic foods contain 19 – 69 % higher amounts of antioxidants than their conventional counterparts. This makes perfect sense since they haven’t been treated with or protected by any pesticides or herbicides and, therefore, need to be much more resilient. This is the exact feature that helps our bodies become more resilient as well and fight off disease!

2. Taste

This is of course a subjective matter, but it goes to show that more and more gourmet chefs start to choose organic because of the superior taste and quality. And many customers agree! One of the top reasons for buying organic is the perceived better taste. This is especially true for produce that was derived from local farms close to where it’s sold – so it had the chance to ripen properly and unfold its full flavor.

3. Chemical exposure

When you minimize the intake of disease-causing pesticides, you can do your health a great favor. The chemicals we’re exposed to when consuming conventional food are linked to headaches, nausea, even cancer and nerve damage! Even though we might not be able to avoid all toxins that surround us, we can at least look out for those that are obvious and easy to get rid of. What’s more, many conventional foods are GMOs, which have been shown to lead to problems when tested on animals. Better not take the risk

4. Sustainability

Organic farming aims to reduce pollution, conserve water, reduce soil erosion, increase soil fertility, and use less energy. This means it’s far better for the environment and can produce healthier food for a longer time without depleting the soil. Since no artificial pesticides are being used, this technique is also better for all animals as well as humans living nearby or even working on the farms.

So what should you do with this information now? Go all out and spend a lot of money at a health food store?

Even if you’re on a tight budget, you can improve your diet and decrease your chemical exposure by opting for organic foods when it comes to apples, potatoes, spinach, or tomatoes. Other produce isn’t as contaminated, like avocado, cauliflower, mangoes, or onions.

If you’d like to learn more about eating a simple, healthful, and affordable diet, you can read our Guide to Eating Healthy on a Budget or join our Free Course in Transitioning to a Healthy Plant-Based Diet.

Do you always buy organic? Do you think it’s worth it? And what are the benefits you have experienced so far? Let us know in the comments below.

The post 4 Reasons Why You Should Start Buying Organic appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

http://ift.tt/1pxtOVq

Another day soars by and you’re finding it hard to relax.

Your to-do list never shrinks and you’re constantly finding new things to add to it. You wish you could’ve reconnected with that friend you’ve been meaning to grab coffee with for weeks, but you’re always behind on your tasks.

You can’t help but wonder if you’ll ever be capable of organizing your life. Maybe one day, you think.

We’ve all been there. The good news is you can get more done without this hopeless struggle in your mind.

But you’ll need to stop these 7 bad habits first.

1. You Write All Your Tasks Down On A To-Do List

Of course you write everything you have to do on a list. You need to prioritize your tasks, right?

Consider this: In his book Getting Things Done, David Allen recommends using the “2 Minute Rule” to simplify our lives. He says that if a task takes less than 2 minutes to complete you should do it now instead of waiting to do it later, no matter what the task is. This reduces the possibility of getting sidetracked and forgetting about the task later.

Sometimes we’re so focused on prioritizing our tasks that we forget what we could do now to check off our list, even if that means doing the dishes before calling the bank.

2. You Don’t Respect Your Current Task

If you’re trying to finish a project on your to-do list, are you really giving it the attention it deserves?

Imagine writing an email to a prospective client. It’s for an important business deal for your company, and you’re trying to improve PR for your business.

You don’t want to blow it, but the words won’t come.

So you check Facebook and put on distracting music. You may even give up on something and swear you’ll come back to it later.

Big mistake. The reason you have an unwieldy to-do list isn’t because you lack the proper ‘pump or song’ or because you have tons to do – no, the reason you can’t complete your tasks is because you’re not giving your tasks that attention they deserve. And as a result you’re crippling the progress you could be making by giving in to distractions.

3. You Don’t Practice Mindfulness

It’s surprising how many people don’t practice daily mindfulness and then complain how the day flew by.

But is this really surprising?

If you aren’t in tune with your mind you’ll find your thoughts constantly wandering and you’ll struggle to focus on your tasks.

You only need to grab a pen and paper right now to be mindful (no meditation required). What’s stopping you from taking action? Weigh your goals against your frustrations in opposite columns and fill it in.

Then use the data to develop a strategy to ascend over your mental blocks and crush your goals.

4. You Don’t Batch Tasks

Batching tasks is crucial to capitalizing on your ability to focus – here’s why.

If you write an email, you activate that specific part of your brain. It usually takes 10-15 minutes to break through a mental block and get focused on a task, and once you get “in the zone” of writing emails you’ll make more and more progress.

However, if you constantly switch between tasks your brain will struggle to focus and distract itself – and you’ll get distracted much easier. And instead of one completed task you’ll have two half-finished ones.

Why not batch all your email-related tasks together and then free up your mind to do other chores? Your mind will thank you later as you wind-down with time you didn’t even know you had.

5. You Don’t Take Time Out To Exercise

If we don’t move around enough we lose energy – and without proper blood flow from our body our mind loses focus and becomes less efficient, which impacts our capability to get things done.

Take this moment to stand up and shake out the tense bones in your body, and give yourself a quick break.

You can use this exercise to recharge even when your list becomes unbearable, and it’s great for regaining your focus throughout the day.

6. You Take Too Many Breaks

Breaks can be detrimental to your focus levels if you keep bringing yourself out of the “zone” too often, although they can definitely recharge you after longer sessions of work.

Always remember to find a balance between work and rest, and adjust as you go – because in the end your goals are your goals, and only you know what works for you.

7. You Don’t Use Your Own System

It’s fine to rely on expert opinion, but only if it works for you.

Here’s the truth: there’s no “cure-all” to productivity. To be efficient you have to devise your own system from your experiences – because if you don’t use a system that works just for you then you’ll inevitably fall prey to distraction.

And are you willing to let distraction steal your time away?

Meeting Your Goals Isn’t Easy

Imagine how you’ll feel after completing your to-do list in full every day.

While it won’t be easy to meet your goals, it’s possible to regain your focus and get more things done in life.

And if you implement these 7 tips in your life, you’ll find that time isn’t your worst enemy when it comes to productivity.

No, you might find that time was on your side all along.

—————-

Blake helps writers overcome the stumbling blocks that prevent them from releasing their gifts into the world. Discover how to supercharge your writing and beat writer’s block by subscribing today.

 

The post 7 Surprising Reasons Why You Fail To Be Productive appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

http://ift.tt/1Vy9v6X

At our family reunion last year, my nephew did something he had never attempted before. By the time we had all sat down for brunch, my nephew had run a full marathon. Without any advanced planning, he had gotten up at 4:00 in the morning to run 26.2 miles. How was he able to accomplish this amazing feat of endurance? He had already been working on the disciplines he needed to complete that run.

My nephew is an athlete. He is a competitive weightlifter, fitness instructor and wellness coach. Without ever having the goal of running a marathon before, he was prepared to on that day because of his knowledge and experience.

You do not need to have a goal in mind to start working towards it. In fact, you’ll be in a much better position for reaching your goals, if you have already been working towards them. There are certain elements in goal attainment that are essential, both before and after you determine what you want.

In adapting James Allen’s classic book, As a Man Thinketh, I came to appreciate how this book provides a complete blueprint for success in any endeavor; whether worldly, spiritual, physical, or intellectual. And while many of this work’s tenets are familiar and have been expounded on in other writings since its original publication in 1902, a specifically unique aspect of As a Man Thinketh is how James Allen addresses what to do if you do not yet have a goal.

What Mr. Allen addresses is not the work of finding your passion and determining your goals. His recommendations are about taking action toward your goal, even if you are, “not prepared for the apprehension of a great purpose.”

5 Things You Can Work on Regardless of Your Goal

Like conditioning your body for fitness, the attributes for success can be developed through training; building strength upon strength until the day you reach the starting line. Continued development of these skills will then lead you toward anything you set your mind to accomplish. The following are based on James Allen’s original work that I had the joy of adapting in Think What You Want:

1. Tend Your Thoughts – The guiding principle of As a Man Thinketh is built upon the belief that whatever we become and whatever we do, or do not accomplish depends entirely on the evolution of our thoughts. Our primary responsibility begins with nurturing only those thoughts that benefit us and our aspirations. Dissuade unwanted influences from polluting your mind.
2. Damn Circumstances – Our next responsibility is to, not just our actions, but our circumstances. The more you accept your role in getting you into a situation, the better you will be able to find your way out. Reaching your goal requires that you find or create circumstances in which you will succeed.
3. Act Accordingly – In physics, attraction is a result of motion—bodies moving together in the same direction attract. In order to attract more of what you need to reach your goals, you must align your thoughts with your actions. It is like texting and driving. You are a far better driver with your eyes on the road and your hands on the wheel than you are having either one of them on your phone.
4. Enhance Performance – If you have a goal, then you are, hopefully, doing whatever you can to the best of your ability to reach it. That same work ethic is essential whether or not you know what your goals are. Whatever work or activities you’re engaged in, focus your thoughts on performing them brilliantly—no matter how insignificant they may appear.
5. Invest – Whether it is time, money or relationships, invest all the resources you can into yourself and your development. The more you learn and experience the stronger you will grow and the faster you will reach your goal.

There Is No Time Like The Present

These disciplines aren’t just preparatory activities. They are foundation building and more importantly—momentum generating. The hardest law of physics to overcome is inertia; which is the principle that states, “Bodies at rest tend to stay at rest, bodies in motion stay in motion.”

An amazing thing happens when you start working on your goals. You discover more about them, about you and about what you need to do to get there. If you wait until you have your goals in mind or until you know your “why” or any other qualifier, you will only be missing opportunities. Renowned British musicologist Ernest Newman once said, “The great composer does not set to work because he is inspired, but becomes inspired because he is working. Beethoven, Wagner, Bach, and Mozart settled down day after day to the job in hand. They didn’t waste time waiting for inspiration.”

It is great to know what you want. But don’t let it stop you if you don’t. Get to work. You will find out what you need (and why) as you go.

Author, speaker, and entrepreneur Bruce Whitney (bruceleewhitney.com) draws from twenty years of experience in Change Management and the practice of Transformative Learning to help people improve their businesses and their lives. Mr. Whitney’s recent book, Think What You Want, is the first in the Champion Changeability series.

The post 5 Ways to Start Reaching Your Goal – Before You Even Have One appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

http://ift.tt/22sjD6y

It’s easy to get bogged down with negativity in your daily life, but sometimes hearing just the right words can instantly change your outlook on life. That is why I have taken it upon myself to compile a great list of quotes from one of the top motivational speakers and salesman of his time, Zig Ziglar.

Ziglar showed the world that working hard, while staying positive, are the keys to an extremely successful life. So, to pay homage to him and help stimulate success in your own life, here are 20 of the best Zig Ziglar quotes out there:

1. “Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.” — Zig Ziglar
2. “You never know when a moment and a few sincere words can have an impact on a life.”— Zig Ziglar
3. “You will get all you want in life, if you help enough other people get what they want.” — Zig Ziglar
4. “Lack of direction, not lack of time, is the problem. We all have twenty-four hour days.”
   ― Zig Ziglar
5. “The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what you want most for what you want right now”― Zig Ziglar
6. “There are no traffic jams on the extra mile.”― Zig Ziglar
7. “Remember that failure is an event, not a person.”― Zig Ziglar
8. “Honesty and integrity are absolutely essential for success in life- all areas in life. The really good news is that anyone can develop both honesty and integrity.”― Zig Ziglar
9. “There is little you can learn from doing nothing.”― Zig Ziglar
10. “I believe that being successful means having a balance of success stories across the many areas of your life. You can’t truly be considered successful in your business life if your home life is in shambles.” — Zig Ziglar
11. “A lot of people have gone further than they thought they could because someone else thought they could”― Zig Ziglar
12. “Make today worth remembering.”― Zig Ziglar
13. “Every success is built on the ability to do better than good enough.” ― Zig Ziglar
14. “Everybody says they want to be free. Take the train off the tracks and it’s free-but it can’t go anywhere.” ― Zig Ziglar
15. “You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great”
    ― Zig Ziglar
16. “The greatest of all mistakes is to do nothing because you think you can only do a little.” ― Zig Ziglar“People often say motivation doesn’t last. Neither does bathing—that’s why we recommend it daily.”― Zig Ziglar
17. “There has never been a statue erected to honor a critic.”― Zig Ziglar
18. “When obstacles arise, you change your direction to reach your goal; you do not change your decision to get there.”― Zig Ziglar
19. “If you go out looking for friends, you’re going to find they are very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you’ll find them everywhere.”
    ― Zig Ziglar
20. “If you can dream it, you can achieve it.”― Zig Ziglar

Do you want to learn more ways to create success in your life? Check out Jenn Hudak’s free e-book, 7 Ways to Live the Life of Your Dreams. She is the writer and owner of Thisisforthedreamers.com, a blog focused on motivating and inspiring you to improve your life and live your dreams.

The post 20 Zig Ziglar Quotes that will Stimulate Success in Your Life appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

http://ift.tt/1Scb9rT

At the beginning of every year, I like to sit down and do a year-end reflection of the previous year… I think about the wins, the challenges, the goals or areas of my life that I’d like to build upon as I move forward into another new year, and any new goals I’d like to pursue in the year ahead.

One of the things that made this past yearly reflection especially enriching, was the inclusion of my wife, Amna and our newborn, Nora. (I’d always done my yearly reflection totally solo up until now.) So in addition to all of the stuff I usually do during my yearly reflection and goal-setting session, this year I worked on a list of ongoing relationship goals with Amna. We ended up with 11 in total. And we posted them up near our bathroom mirror, so we can glance at them every morning while we brush our teeth.

As I write this, it’s been a little over a month since we started practicing these new ongoing goals (which are more like habits, or mutual commitments than goals). And I think they’ve been incredibly helpful in bringing us closer together as a couple and crushing conflicts before they arise.

Here’s our list…

---

Prefer audio? Listen to the podcast version on iTunes or listen in your browser here

---

1. Compassionate communication or no communication.

We talk to each other in a level-headed, compassionate way or we don’t talk to each other at all. If we can’t talk to one another with the love and compassion that each of us deserves, then the first one to catch it says (with a smile), “Remember: Compassionate communication or NO communication.” This is usually enough to relax the mood. If not, we mutually decide to revisit the issue once whichever one of us that’s pissed off (and thus, communicating with a lack of compassion) returns to reality.

2. Gratitude goodnights.

Every night before bed, we take turns telling each other about one thing we’re grateful for about the other. For example, last night I said to Amna: “I’m really grateful for your patience.”

3. Daily expectations.

Every morning we tell or text one another what our individual game plans are for the day. For example: “I’m working till 3pm today.” This is helpful because our schedules can vary from time to time since we both run our own businesses, and it’s courteous to tell each other when we’ll be home or if we’ll be working later than usual on any given day.

4. Never keep score.

Relationships are places that you go to give — NOT to get. I remember a guy once telling me about how he “broke even” after splitting up with his girlfriend. What he meant was that he didn’t spend any more money on her than she did on him. That’s some of the stupidest, most ignorant shit I’ve heard in my life. Never keep score. Your relationship will be infinitely more beautiful because of it.

5. Be impeccable with our language.

This one was inspired by a book my wife and I both love, called The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz. One of the four agreements he discusses in the book, is to “Be impeccable with your word.” Which means this: when you make a promise — keep it. When you say you’re going to do something — do it. Don’t be the type of person who says things that people have a hard time believing. This one serves as a constant reminder to both of us to be impeccable with our word, both with one another as well as with everyone else.

6. Support one another’s individual dreams.

My wife and I are both do what we love for a living. And we’ve both got great dreams and ambitions for continued growth in the future. In fact, I don’t know if I’d be where I am today, if I hadn’t had her full support from the beginning. I think that our ongoing commitment to support each other in our individual dreams has a huge positive impact on our relationship.

7. Marriage is for life.

No one goes into a marriage looking to get divorced… Unless you’re like my cousin in Uzbekistan, who married an American just so she could get here US citizenship — but that’s a different story all together. Anyway, I believe that marriage is sacred. And if you’re going to make that kind of commitment, you better take it seriously enough to understand what you’re getting into before it’s too late. Most people spend more time planning their wedding than they do planning their marriage.

8. Diffuse and alleviate!

When shit hits the fan — and you know it can hit the fan every now and then — you need to diffuse and alleviate! For example: if the wifey’s feeling super-stressed about something related to her business, and then takes it all out on me for no good reason, it’s probably not a good idea for me to start firing back in defense. Probably better that I realize she’s totally stressed right now, and it’s got nothing to do with me. And the best thing I can do as a husband right now, isn’t to argue or try to fix it, but rather, try to alleviate the situation by listening to her tell me all about it. This ongoing commitment is proven crucial towards maintaining a healthy, happy relationship between the both of us.

9. Beware of the animal brain.

Regardless of how smart we humans think we are, at the end of the day, we’re still animals. We’re just animals that have figured out how to remove ourselves from nature (which I think is a totally screwed up game-plan, but that’s for another discussion). But just because we’re capable of planning ahead, or designing computer chips, doesn’t mean that the very core of our brains aren’t still having an impact on our lives. What I’m talking about, is your “animal brain”. The animal brain is the part of you that says irrational shit when you get mad. It’s the part of your brain that overrides your smarter, more rational self, and instead leaves you saying things that you end up regretting in retrospect. This is why, whenever my wife realizes she may have said something that triggered my “animal brain” to go ape-shit, she knows I probably don’t really mean whatever nasty things I end up saying shortly thereafter. And because she knows that, she gracefully backs away for the time being, until the calmer, cooler version of me comes back to reality. Beware of the animal brain.

10. It takes FIVE positives to eliminate ONE negative.

5:1–that’s the ratio for how many positive impressions I need to make on my wife to make up for telling her she sucks at managing her time. Research supports this. But I don’t feel like finding that research right now, so you can Google it if you want to.

11. Identify individual give-goals.

“Give-goals” are specifically tailored ongoing commitments that we came up for one another. You can do the same with your partner. See ours below. (Side note: if you do this with your partner, do it with caution: telling your wife she needs to “stop nagging you about stupid stuff” probably isn’t the most elegant “give-goal” you could conjure up.)

• Here’s my give-goal for Amna: Work around Dean’s ego as much as possible.
• Here’s her give-goal for me: Recognize and be sensitive to Amna balancing motherhood gracefully.

---

Well, there yah have it! Not an exhaustive list by any means. But I hope you found a few gems in there that you can put to use towards lasting growth and happiness in your own relationship.

---

Prefer audio? Listen to the podcast version on iTunes or listen in your browser here

The post 11 Tips to Have a Long-Lasting, Happy Relationship appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

http://ift.tt/1RspTWS

Of all the Jewish holidays, none is anticipated by little children more than the festival of Purim.

The historical origins of the celebration reside in the Babylonian conquest of Israel and the Jewish exile under Persia and Media during the 4th Century BCE. The wicked viceroy Haman conspired with the opportunistic King Ahasuerus to eliminate the “Jewish problem” once and for all by declaring “open season” on Jews all across the empire.

All hope seemed lost. But literally overnight, through a series of apparent coincidences, the King turned against his evil viceroy and ordered him hanged on the gallows that Haman himself had built for the execution of Mordecai, the leader of the Jews. And then, in an extraordinary reversal, Mordecai the Jew was elevated to the position of viceroy left vacant by Haman.

The theme of reversal figures prominently in the traditional observance of Purim, which is seen as a kind of alter-ego to the solemn holiday of Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement. In place of fasting there is feasting. In place of prayerful reflection there is revelry. In place of the simple white garments of purity there are costumes and spectacle.

Children especially look forward to dressing up on Purim. But Purim is in no way a Jewish Halloween. Just the opposite: children dress up and go door-to-door not to ask for treats and threaten tricks, but to give away gifts of food to others.

Which brings me to the point of this narrative, with only one more small digression.

NO DEED TOO SMALL

Every Friday morning I stop by the local Jewish bookstore to pick up for my wife a copy of Mishpacha Magazine, which is published for the Torah-observant community. It contains several inserts, including special sections for children of varying ages. Our youngest daughter read them cover-to-cover for years, but since she moved out of the house those sections have been largely ignored.

One afternoon, our friends Dave and Donna* dropped by with their young boys, who immediately found the children’s inserts and disappeared into them. From that day on, I’ve brought the inserts with me each week to Friday night services, where I pass them along to Dave, who then passes them along to his boys. It’s one of those little acts of kindness that costs nothing, takes almost no effort, and can make a big difference.

And, in this case, it made a really big difference to a little boy and his mother.

TURNABOUT IS FAIR PLAY

Donna had recently ordered her son’s Purim costume online — a classic fireman’s outfit — when the little boy came home from school announcing he no longer wanted to be a fireman for Purim. As he and his friends at school were discussing how they planned to dress up, one classmate declared that a fireman’s uniform was a “dumb costume.” As only a child can be, Donna’s son was mortified and immediately decided that no way he was dressing up as a fireman.

For the rest of the week, his mother tried to cajole the boy into reconsidering, but he would have none of it, leaving Donna uncertain whether to swallow the cost of the unwanted outfit or tell her son he could either dress up as a fireman or as nothing at all.

Then came Friday night.

I handed the magazines over to Dave as usual, without even looking at them. Tucked in among them was a special Purim insert filled with pages and pages of costume ideas. And there, on the front cover, was a little boy wearing a fireman’s uniform identical to the one Donna had ordered for her son.

So Purim came early this year to the home of Donna and Dave, whose son is bouncing with excitement over the fireman’s costume he’ll be wearing for the holiday.

One good deed leads to another, teaches the Talmud. The ripples of kindness spread out across and beneath the surface of human interaction in ways we can’t even imagine, and in ways we may never notice. But every once in a while, we get a glimpse of how the bread we cast upon the waters finds its way to unexpected places, and how little things can make a big difference.

We all want to make a difference, to change the world for the better, to bring good into the lives of others. But we don’t need a big stage to do it. As King Solomon says, “A little light dispels much darkness.” And a little kindness can produce much joy.

Do you have a story about some small, kind act that had a big, unexpected payoff? If so, I’d like to hear it. Please contact me here.

*Personal details have been changed to protect privacy.

The post How Little Ripples of Kindness Create Big Waves of Happiness appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

http://ift.tt/1Rqs4Kt

If you speak to top performers the world over you’ll find quite a few common themes.

One that is often overlooked however, is that a lot of them keep some form of a journal. In fact, the long list of successful people that have done so is impressive to say the least.

Arnold Schwarzenegger kept a journal to log his bodybuilding goals.

Benjamin Franklin his scientific theories.

Jane Austen wrote down her ideas for characters and novels.

Che Guevara documented his travels.

Ralph Waldo Emerson his philosophies.

It’s pretty clear that this isn’t just a coincidence. If you look at the research, you’ll see that the benefits of journaling speak volumes.

Here are 7 reasons keeping a journal is likely to make you more happy and successful.

1. You become more focused and organized

If you ask any super successful person, they’ll pretty much all agree on this; what gets tracked gets improved.

The reality is that people who keep journals are more likely to track their successes and failures. Whether it’s through a food journal, monitoring their exercise, or just a consistent reflection on how they are feeling, writing regularly will help you to become more focused and organized in your day to day life.

2. Your thoughts are more clear

Our minds can be tricky and confusing places.

We often have thoughts that bounce around as images, sounds and feelings for days, weeks, sometimes even years. But the problem is that we don’t spend enough time trying to put words to them.

Journaling helps capture these ideas, giving labels to these mental movies, and making them a lot clearer in your mind’s eye.

Another benefits is that by doing so you’ll naturally become more articulate and better at communicating your ideas to others.

3. You will have less stress

People who journal regularly report having less stress. It’s obviously a very therapeutic process – and a lot cheaper than finding an actual therapist.

Another interesting point is that the impact of stress on our mental and physical health depends on the way we view stress. And journaling has been shown to improve our ability to see the positives of traumatic events and therefore mediate the impact that stress has on us.

4. It will improve your creativity

Any form of creative or reflective writing can improve our creativity. Regular journaling can also improve our ability to take in and process information.

While you are writing, you are using your left brain, which is the rational and analytical part of your mind.

This removes mental blocks in the right brain – the artistic part – and allows you to release your creativity, so you can see your problems and projects in a new light.

5. You’ll develop a better memory

By journaling about events and periodically returning to read your entries, you are able to turn short term memories into long term ones.

Memories typically fade with time, and are actually quite flimsy and inaccurate.  The practice of retaining and retrieving them in detail for your journal will strengthen the memory muscles in your brain and allow you to keep them more accurate over time.

6. It can help you improve your self-esteem

In order to project us, our brains have an inherent negativity bias. Unfortunately this doesn’t help when we are feeling down on ourselves, as it means we are more likely to forget our successes and remember our failures.

Keeping a journal where you track all the great things you have done can balance this bias and remind you that even when it doesn’t feel like it, you’ve actually come a long way and achieved a lot.

7. You’ll become more emotionally intelligent

Emotional intelligence is a skill that is cultivated over time. By reflecting on your own emotions, you not only become psychologically healthier, but you become more aware of what your feelings are and what they might be telling you.

In our busy modern lives this can often be difficult. Journaling improves your ability to know yourself and in turn relate to others.

 

Like meditation, journaling can be approached differently to fit your personality and specific goals.

If you want to be happy and successful, this is obviously a key ingredient.

Get started today and see the benefits of benefits of journaling for yourself.

Attention Pick the Brain Readers! Do you want to put journaling into action and take the next step to improving your mornings?

Then grab a free copy of our new eBook: MORNING MASTERY: The Simple 20 Minute Routine For Long Lasting Energy, Laser-Sharp Focus, and Stress Free Living.

Ben is a freelance writer, and the co-creator of Project Monkey Mind—a new blog for the 21st century solopreneur and young professional who wants to take control of their minds, smash through their limitations, and lead a life worth living.

The post 7 Reasons People Who Keep Journals are More Likely To Be Happy and Successful appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

http://ift.tt/1pyWaPO

People ask me all the time how they can improve their life. They want to know how they can be happier or how they can be more successful because they’re dissatisfied with themselves and/or where they are currently at. I always reply with this simple answer:

Stop. Making. Excuses.

As human beings it’s normal for us to blame our shortcomings, failures, and poor behavior on factors other than ourselves. We do that because our ego doesn’t allow us to admit we may need to improve in certain aspects of our life. But if you are serious about making a change and improving your life here’s how you can stop making excuses and start taking control.

Identify The Problem

The first step to fixing any behavioral problem is to identify whether or not you have one. Here are some signs that making excuses may be hindering your personal growth:

–When working with others: If you notice that when working in a group or team environment you pass the blame on to your teammates as opposed to accepting your roll in team failures –you’re making an excuse.

–When dealing with setbacks/adversity: when you fall upon hard-times or when things aren’t going your way do you blame your situation, other people, or outside circumstances for why you aren’t where you want to be in life? If so you’re making excuses.

Realize that making excuses will only hurt you

It’s hard for anyone to admit they messed up or made a mistake but in order to take back control of our life and reach your full potential you have to stop blaming outside factors. Making excuses only guarantees that your situation will never improve and that you’ll never learn from your mistakes –it is a waste of your precious time and energy. Once you realize how toxic excuse making really is and once you recognize how it impedes your ability to be successful in every aspect of your life then you can start ensuring you never make them again.

Tune in to the Daily Dose Of Motivation Podcast to hear the audio version

Take Responsibility/Empower yourself

Begin taking responsibility for where you are in life and take responsibility for yourself and your actions. Even if you’re a victim of extenuating circumstances; the responsibility is still on you to succeed in the face of adversity. By ownership of your actions and behavior you have now given yourself the power to work on improving yourself and achieving your goals. You no longer have any excuses! Nothing is standing in your way toward improving yourself in all areas of your life!

Take action

Now that you know you have the power to effect change in your life. It’s time to do it! Remember all those things you made excuses for? Your behavior, your shortcomings (both personal & professional), your situation in life? Now is the time to come up with ways to improve upon them and start taking action. You have the power. You can be better. Realizing that is incredibly liberating. Use that realization to take action and start making changes!

Remember: We make excuses because it can be painful to admit we have made a mistake or failed in some capacity. But it’s okay to experience these things. We all have. We’re human. So instead of making an excuse that will benefit you in exactly zero ways. Start taking action and work to improve upon yourself. You have complete autonomy over yourself. You can improve and change your life for the better. You just have to be willing to stop making excuses and start taking control.

—

Zakk LeCates is a business owner, freelance writer, and host of the Daily Dose Of Motivation Podcast.

The post How To Stop Making Excuses And Take Control Of Your Life appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

http://ift.tt/257Ym0S