Have you ever heard of Murphy’s Law? To put it in simple words, it says: if something can go wrong, it will go wrong.

Some may argue that this is pessimistic and negative, that we should be positive and think positively in order to live a happy life. After all, some will argue that it’s proven that positive thinking has many benefits…

Well, I have some news for you, sometimes you have to ditch positive thinking and listen to Murphy when he tells you that things will go wrong.

If you’re not careful enough, positive thinking can be the worst thing you ever do in your self-improvement journey, and before you jump to conclusions, let me explain.

I heard about Murphy’s Law the first time from Jim Rohn, one of the best speakers on the planet by the way, and it turned out that he wasn’t fond of positive thinking that much.

He used to describe it like going to your garden and saying “there’s no weeds!”, while in fact there is and there will always be weeds and you need to deal with them.

Sure enough Jim Rohn was a mentor of Tony Robbins, and Tony used to say it directly that he thinks positive thinking is garbage!!

And to be honest, they have a point. Positive thinking can go wrong, it even can be very dangerous.

Now away from my own personal opinions, and away from what Jim Rohn or Tony Robbins have said, let’s take a reality check to see how positive thinking can go REALLY wrong.

It’s not about the “3 points” below, it’s more about the mentality behind positive thinking and how it can seriously makes us miserable instead of happy and positive.

Let’s go.

Here are 3 ways positive thinking can be bad for you.

1. Pain Can Be Your Best Drive

Sometimes you have to face the negativity, you need to feel that pain in order to get mad enough and start change.

Instead of putting the best scenario possible and thinking positively about your outcome, you need to put the worst scenario and really feel the consequences in order to freak out and do something.

Don’t just think positively about the fact that you don’t have a job, doing that will allow you to escape some pain, but it’s the same pain that you need to get yourself out there and do something about your situation.

Facing the ugly truth is the key, because fear (which is a pain) is the greatest motivator.

If a thieve is planning to rob your house, will you just sit there and think positively that the cops will deal with it?

Not a good idea, you better start securing your house and be prepared.

2. Sometimes It’s Not Possible

You can think positively about the fact that you’re broke, maybe even about the fact that you’re not happy at the moment, but positive thinking has its limit.

When you face major life problems, in other words when the pain is too much that you can’t even see a positive side, trying to think positively during these times won’t work, and it even can backfire as we’re going to see below.

Why?

It’s like you’re trying to manipulate your own mind, your mind is watching all hell breaks loose and you’re trying to convince it that there’s a positive side here, it won’t believe you!

And by “major life problems” I mean crises and tragedies, like the death of a loved one –god forbids. It’s nearly impossible to think positively there.

3. You’re Ruining The Relationship Between “You” And “Your Brain”!

Your mind is always watching you and monitoring your behavior, and the worst thing you can ever do is to not be honest with your own self.

As we said above, trying to pretend that the pain is not there, while the pain is actually there and it’s intolerable, will result in making your mind mad.

Because your mind has a mission, it wants to be aware of the pain to do something about it. It’s like a child who relies on you to comfort him, and by positive thinking you don’t even want to see the ugly negative side your brain is trying to make you aware of.

This can result in conflicts between you and your own mind, and as a result makes your mind unable to trust your own decisions and actions.

And yes, this can happen, it’s like when someone lies (or promise to take care of you, but don’t) and you don’t trust him anymore, it’s the same, but now it’s from within.

What to do instead?

Here’s a better strategy:

• Be honest with yourself (see things as they are and take responsibility for them).
• Hard work.
• Persistence.
• Flexibility.
• Faith.

That’s it, this is a better strategy than positive thinking, it’s more into building the character and developing some work ethics.

You basically be honest with yourself about your situation, you don’t try to make it better by thinking positively, you feel the pain in order to do something about it.

Further reading:

• How Do I Know When I’m Lying To Myself?

Then you go and work really hard to make what you want a reality, you work you’re a** off.

And you don’t work for a while and stop, persistence is the key to achieve anything.

Persistence along with enough flexibility to try new things when you get stuck, because foolish persistence is ignorance.

Last but not least, faith! Regardless to your religious beliefs, faith in something bigger than you is required to take the first step and keep going when things get tough.

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Author Bio:

Mosab Alkhteb writes at SelfChanging.com, he shares in-depth guides and tools to help you master your life in many areas, no “tips and tricks”, everything is backed up by research, experience and common sense.

Get a copy of his free book Self-Confidence Areas, a 35 pages book that will change the way you look at self-confidence.

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In the beginning you get excited at the thought of achieving goals you’ve set for yourself.

You start writing them down, writing out a plan, and listing out habits to adopt.

Then after a couple of months, a year, or a few years, your motivation hits the ground like a pile of bricks.

All of sudden you’re no longer motivated enough to keep pursuing it.

What’s that about? You might ask. Followed by a bit of frustration and confusion.

The solution? We’ll get into that. But before I do, let’s look at the reasons WHY you’ve lost the drive to pursue your goals.

 

1. Your goals aren’t big enough.

“Set a goal so big that you can’t achieve it until you grow into the person who can.” – Unknown

If your goals aren’t big enough you won’t be excited enough to pursue them. As Jim Rohn said, some people have goals, but they’re so lousy that they’re unexciting.

I’ll give you an example. If your goal is to lose a pound of weight, raise the bar to 5 pounds of weight. Just imagine what a difference it’ll make.

If your goal is to close 2 deals this month, raise the bar to 20 deals or more.

If your goal is to become an athlete, adjust the goal to “become a world-class athlete who’s known in 20 different countries”.

 

2. Your reasons aren’t meaningful enough.

A lot of us would LOVE to be a millionaire, yet aren’t willing to do the work. Why? Because of a lack of strong reasons.

Materialistic gains like a big house or a big car just isn’t enough to keep you driven.

The same principle can be applied to your goals and dreams. If the reason you want to succeed isn’t meaningful enough, your motivation won’t last.

You need more than just a basic reason if you expect to be driven to achieve your goals.

My reasons for success is to leave a memorable, inspiring legacy behind.

I want to take care of my family and do the things I care about without limitations.

I want to make a difference though the work I create and the businesses I start.

Those reasons inevitably keep me going. What are your reasons? Dig deep and you’ll find them.

 

3. The reward isn’t big enough.

My multi-millionaire goal will allow me to contribute on a tremendous scale. And will allow me to fulfill my purpose in a much bigger way.

So the reward is more than big enough to keep me going.

And even If I came up short, I’d have accomplished more than I would have If my goals were smaller.

If the reward for your goal isn’t life-changing, you won’t be motivated enough to achieve it.

Goals need to be life-changing, enhancing, drastic and noticeable. Or else the end result will be more depressing than it will be encouraging.

 

Now we’ve covered the reasons WHY, here’s how to stick to your goals when you’ve lost motivation.

 

1. Redefine your goals.

“If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you.” – Unknown

Take a look at your list of goals, or whichever goals you’re focused on, then redefine them.

Change them. Adjust them a little bit. Improve on them. And make them even bigger, badder, and more meaningful.

The best way to redefine your goals is to look at the results you want from your goals. And I mean the REAL results. Not just “nice to” have’s.

Then recreate your goals to match the results you want, and get to work.

 

2. Ask better questions.

“Knowledge is having the right answer. Intelligence is asking the right question.” – Unknown

Don’t just ask questions like – “What are my goals?”. Ask questions like:

1. Who am I doing this for?
2. What am I doing this for?
3. Why does this matter?
4. What is it I truly care about?
5. What difference do I intend to make?
6. Who will this help?
7. How will this improve my life?
8. What are benefits?
9. Who benefits?
10. Is this fulfilling?
11. Does this truly align with my purpose?

These are real questions you’ve got to start asking yourself. Have a serious think about it. The answers will surprise you, and will be of a better quality.

 

Share your takeaways in the comments, and share on your social networks!

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Theo Ellis is a straightforward blogger who’s creative by nature, and committed to making a difference. He focuses on confidence building and personal development on his blog Just Be Real.

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Leadership can boil down to one thing, and that is, being remarkable.

Being remarkable is not an easy feat. It takes years of honing skills to be a great communicator and leader.

There are times in our lives that we take a step back and think about how we want to be more of a powerful leader, whether it is at work, at home, on a sports team or even on social networks.

Natural born leaders do exist, but being a leader can certainly be learned.

Leadership is a powerful responsibility and must be treated as such.

We cannot abuse our leadership. We must take on the responsibility with dignity, humility and respect. Effective leaders show qualities that others desire to emulate.

They are trendsetters, early adopters, and are great at communicating what they do.

Leaders don’t struggle to acquire followers, people are naturally attracted to them and their lifestyle.

So, you’ve opened your thoughts to the world, and want to be a remarkable leader, but how do you get started.

Below I have listed a few techniques that you can implement today that will bring you a few steps closer to being that leader that you see in  yourself.

Be the Example – As a leader it is our responsibility to go above and beyond without overextending ourselves and spreading our time too thin. Leaders are responsible about their time and how they manage it.

Often when a person wants to be a leader the hardest thing is knowing what to do. Here is a plan of action to be the example. Be first. Whatever it is, be the first one to do something. Now, you don’t have to do everything, but you should be doing something, especially something that relates to your company, brand or lifestyle.

Your work doesn’t always have to be perfect or the best. In fact, leaving judgements behind and moving forward with your decisions is a great way to quickly begin your leadership adventures.

Whether you are a blogger using the newest social media platform, or a personal trainer using the newest apps to help your clients, using something new is one way to get ahead. Continue the trend in other aspects of your life. Be the first to go to the new restaurant in town and the first to write a review. Being an early adopter shows that you are up on current events both locally and nationally.

Exude Trust – Leaders are not only people that others look up to, but ones that they confide in. People are willing to open themselves up, show their heart, and tell the truth.

They feel that leaders have done the same, and for that reason, it’s okay. Leaders know themselves and know their worth. Even if they are growing as a leader, they know how valuable being transparent and honest is.

Building trust among followers is vital. Leaders must be attentive to the needs of his or her people. Leaders must always be looking up and down at the same time.

Following in the footsteps of those leaders who came before you, and looking down at the leaders who are on the rise, and learning from both is essential. Leaders must exude trust through all of their actions and words.
Open Mind – Leaders, although they are the influencers, must always keep an open mind. Leaders don’t think every idea that they have is golden.

They know ideas take sculpting and molding before they are perfected. For this reason, a leader does not reject ideas from others.

Leaders trust those that work for them, listen to them, and help them develop their ideas. They are open to hearing others opinions and learning from them.

Leaders must constantly be in a mindset of learning. Being open to learning shows a leader’s vulnerability and that vulnerability is key to keeping a following.

Overall
There is a big difference between someone who leads and a leader. Leaders are followed by others. People who lead, are just in a position of power. Leaders take it upon themselves to better themselves, while those who lead just coast off of their titles. To be a true leader, step up into the person you know you can be.

Max is a consultant for Point Above, a mindfulness, leadership and business coach based out of New Orleans, Louisiana.  You can connect with him on Twitter @maxcron.

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