Chances are if you’re reading this right now, there’s something you want to change:

• Maybe you want a better job
• Maybe you want a different partner
• Maybe you want to find your purpose

If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably tried various methods to answer these tough questions, ranging from the Internet to alcohol to therapy.

I grew up in a suburb outside of New York City in a family that valued high achievement. As in many Indian families, I was taught that success is an external thing you pursue. An esteemed job you can brag about is like the Holy Grail for many in my culture, and I bought into that concept hard.

By age 13, I had full-on depression. Everyone else assumed I was simply sad. I soon began a love-hate relationship with medication at 14, taking anti-depressants, mood stabilizers, ADD medication, and sleep aids … You name it, I took it.

I loved having a diagnosis; it was a label that could define me and explain the way I felt. It comforted me. It reaffirmed my victim mentality: that I had no choices and this was just who I was. Not surprisingly, things got worse. Beyond the constant adjustments of pills and playing the side-effects-balancing game, this strategy confirmed the belief that true happiness was an external thing I had to get. I felt flawed, broken, and alone.

Years, drinks, and many relationships later, I was ready to give up. But a small and frustrated voice inside me said, There has to be a better way. But what way could that be? I had already tried everything!

Unfortunately, a small, irritating voice is pretty easy to ignore. I needed a rock-bottom moment for that tiny voice to turn into a full-on scream. For me, that happened on December 31, 2010. I was raped. In my apartment. By someone I knew. The side-effect of my new medication virtually paralyzed my muscles during sleep. I couldn’t fight him off. I just woke up repeatedly and witnessed it. That was the moment when my dislike for medication turned into disdain.

For the next two weeks, I was numb. For the two weeks after that, I was drunk. That little voice came back and hit me over the head. I knew I had a choice: I could either allow him to ruin the rest of my life or I could take some responsibility and make a change.

I began boxing. It felt good to hit something. Exercise opened the door to other much-needed changes in my life. Changes that, had they been suggested before, I would have greeted with an overly-dramatic eye roll.

I had never believed in holistic anything. I always thought it was a bunch of granola-eating hippies who thought they could fix everything with herbal tea. Nevertheless, I had tried everything else. What did I have to lose?

As a self-proclaimed know-it-all, it was a struggle to admit that maybe I’d have to venture into the world of nutmilk, super foods, and—dare I say it—kale. It was my “Aha” moment. I decided not to be a victim anymore. At that moment, my health and happiness became MY responsibility; it wasn’t for a person, a pill, or a thing to fix. I wasn’t broken. It was the most empowering moment of my life.

Within two weeks, my life drastically changed. As I look back, hiring a coach, eating veggies, and meditating didn’t fix me. They did something much better: they allowed me to see that I was never broken at all.

Now, my vision of success is not an external thing you “pursue, ” but an internal state of alignment and bliss. Most people saw my external transformation, but the real change was internal. I no longer needed medication, things, or people to make me happy.

When people ask me how I got over the Depression and abuse, I tell them “I don’t get over things, I get through them.” And in my personal experience and as a coach, there are

7 Truths that Helped Me To Heal from Trauma & Abuse:

1. BLAME ONLY GETS YOU SO FAR.

When it first happened, I spent some time questioning whether I was actually “raped.” It was too difficult to accept what had happened and I felt that it would be easier to blame myself or call it some sort of “misunderstanding.” The truth is that culpability doesn’t change a situation. No matter what happened to me or to him, it was my responsibility to take care of myself. And while I could have spent more time in the “I wish things were different” cycle, all it did was keep me stuck. And so I chose to be courageous. I chose to feel the feelings, ask for help, and stop silencing my voice. Because ultimately, courage isn’t a feeling, it’s a decision.

2. FORGIVE YOURSELF.

More than forgiving the other person, the biggest shift in my life came from forgiving myself for what happened. Unconsciously, I held onto anger and guilt, further exacerbating the issue by attracting people and situations that would confirm my self-limiting beliefs. I found compassion for others, but never for myself. The moment I decided to give myself what I gave to others was the start of my journey to self-love, self-esteem, and self-respect. Forgiveness gives you the power to re-write your story. And self-forgiveness is just as important as forgiving others.

3. EVERYONE WILL GIVE YOU ADVICE. MOST OF IT WILL SUCK.

Everyone who knows will try to help you. Despite their best intentions and desire to help, they will give you advice on how you should feel and deal. Unless they have gone through it, their advice will annoy the shit out of you. And while there may be times you want support and want to talk about it, don’t assume that your usual go-tos for answers are the right people. They love you, but they may injure you more. And honestly, I feel for them. It’s hard to feel powerless to help someone you care about when you can’t magically fix it. My advice: choose where to get support. Explain to your loved ones what you need.  It took me a while to learn to say, “I’m going to share with you how I feel. I don’t want you to try to fix it. I just need you listen.” Sometimes we need to directly tell others how to meet our needs.

4. ASK FOR HELP. LOTS OF IT.

Based on #3, I’m not advising you to keep it to yourself. Once you make the choice to get help from appropriate sources, get lots of it. DBT, CBT, EMDR, not to mention yoga, meditation, couples therapy, a spiritual mentor, and puppy cuddles. Loved some, hated others. I wanted to find the one modality that would fix everything. But much like the perfect chocolate chip cookie, it simply doesn’t exist. As I look back and fondly bitch about the methodologies and practitioners who claimed their way to be best, I realize that everything played a role in my growth.  I learned positive communication & coping skills, emotional resilience, and more than anything, how to trust myself. Today, I see an AMAZING therapist, I exercise, I engage in creative outlets, I meditate, and I honor my intuition. Ultimately, even if only 10% of everything I do now is actually making a difference, it all adds up. Try everything that intuitively feels right, there’s more than one path to healing.

5. SELF-LOVE AND SELF-CARE AREN’T SELFISH.

When you’ve spent a long time feeling small, it can be hard to prioritize your needs. On a very deep level, we’ve been conditioned to believe that we don’t deserve it, that it’s wrong, or that it’s selfish to care for ourselves. It’s no wonder we have such a hard time choosing to love ourselves before we love others.  Sexual assault shakes your sense of self to the very core. To heal yourself, prioritize your self-care. These actions may be uncomfortable, but that just means you’re doing the right thing. After all, in discomfort is where we grow. Choose to be gentle and compassionate with yourself.

6. SELF-EXPRESSION IN ANY FORM IS EMPOWERING.

Much of my growth came from honoring and cultivating my own voice. I began singing, I spoke up for myself, I started writing. I began expressing myself. More than that, I began owning it, listening to it, and loving it.

7. GROWTH ISN’T LINEAR.

Each year, I feel better. There are still moments when I feel like curling up in a ball. And in those moments, I get scared that I’m going to enter a serious Depression or that my growth wasn’t as large or legitimate as I had thought. But the truth is that growth isn’t linear. Feeling the full range of emotions is imperative to processing what happened. And the many layers of recovery offer greater opportunities for growth, self-awareness, and peace. Despite the temporary relief that Netflix and alcohol might offer, you need to feel it to heal it.

For me, life is about gratitude. For what I am, what I’ve achieved, and what I’ll create. Each day gives me an opportunity to begin again. An opportunity to let go of the past and take steps toward my ultimate goal: creating a life aligned with my best self. And each year, another bit fades away and reveals who I’m meant to be, allowing me to step into my potential and live my true life’s purpose. And it all started with a moment of surrender and the humbling admission that there had to be a better way to create a happy, fulfilling, and successful life that I love.

Download Amita’s eBook 10 Tips To Become The Happiest Person You Know.

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There is nothing I seek more than gratefulness and peace of mind. When I’m in their grip, I’m floating on air.

You’ve felt it, too, haven’t you?

Then, you’ve also felt it slip away… Because it’s tough to spend every moment of our lives in a state of gratitude, especially when things that happen to us aren’t exactly positive, right? It’s tough to be grateful on a rainy day when everything seems to go wrong. Not to mention feel peace of mind!

Luckily, there’s a way to jumpstart your gratitude engine and get back into a peaceful frame of mind. 

Here are a few quotes I love to read when I need that extra push…

1. “Sometimes we get so focused on the difficulty of our climb that we lose sight of being grateful for simply having a mountain to climb.” — Oprah Winfrey

I mentioned earlier that it’s hard to be grateful all the time because real life isn’t always rosy. But what it we could be grateful for the difficult stuff, too?

Just having the opportunity to be alive, to be striving for better, to have a mountain to climb (in Oprah’s words) is something to be grateful for. The path we’re on, while it may feel difficult now, is a beautiful one, for its our own. It’s an opportunity.

2. “Nothing which life has to offer is worth the price of worry. ” — Napoleon Hill

The easiest way to squash peace of mind is through worry. According to Napoleon Hill, worry is a waste of your time and your energy. Instead of spending the time worrying, why not doing something proactive instead?

The way I see it, you can worry and act OR you can just act. Which do you prefer?

If worry adds no value to my life and crowds out my peace of mind, I’d rather drop it completely. Are you with me?

3.  “A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself.” – Abraham Maslow

I’ve found the easiest way to stay within a gratitude mindset is to be loyal to my creativity. That is, to continually heed the call of creating what my soul yearns to create. Sometimes, that is writing articles like this and other times that means drawing a beautiful quote I come across. Other times, it’s taking photographs of my child.

Whatever I feel in the moment, I try my best to answer by freely creating with no judgement and no hesitation.

What do you create?

4.“Happiness only comes through inner peace and joy, which is only attainable through being in the present moment, free of expectations.” — Eckhart Tolle

Another shortcut to peace of mind? The present moment.

No matter what is going on in your mind, drop it and pay attention to what’s in front of you. Are you reading this on your phone? Stop and look around. Are you reading this on your computer? Stop and look around. There’s life happening all around you. Are you paying attention?

The life that’s bursting all around you is beautiful. There’s no denying it. Feel yourself be inundated with gratitude for it.

5. “What we know matters, but who we are matters more.” — Dr. Brene Brown

Have you ever watched someone lose their even keel, their joyful state because of something that happened at work? This happens every single day to so many of us.

Instead of letting this happen to me, I try to remember these wise words. My intelligence and my achievements aren’t what matter. What matters is what’s at my core: me, just the way I am, right now. And that feels like the relief in taking a deep, deep breath.

That’s it!

I hope this helps you get back into a frame of mind that’s full of gratitude and inner peace. That’s the ultimate goal, isn’t it? To feel wonderful no matter what is going on around us.

I invite you to bookmark this page for when you need a pick-me-up. Go ahead, do it! These great minds will be here waiting to support you and remind you that there’s a better way, a peaceful state of mind available to you at any moment. Every moment!

And if you’re interested in more where this came from, join me over at my website.

About the author: Marcella Chamorro is a new mom, writer and entrepreneur intent on helping you gain peace of mind and creative flow (if that’s your jam). Read her work at marcexo.com.

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The way we communicate has been changed forever, thanks to social media. Whereas letters and telegrams took forever to reach their destinations, nowadays, a simple press of a button allows you to send a message instantly regardless of location.

We can’t deny the fact that social media brought a lot of benefits, particularly with regard to communicating with friends and loved ones. It has also broken language and continental barriers, allowing you to know what is happening around the world by just sitting in front of the monitor or by swiping the screen of your mobile phone.

However, being online too much can be quite dangerous, and may affect your mood and your overall productivity.

I conducted a month-long experiment (on myself), and found out firsthand about the effects of abstaining from social media. Here’s what you’re in for:

You’ll Sleep Better and Longer

The simple act of turning off all digital devices and having the discipline not to use them by 8:30pm clears your mind and gives you more time to think before shutting your eyes.

As of now, it’s probably a habit to check your e-mails, your social networking news feeds, and play social games prior to turning in. Basically, social media makes your mind hungry for information – once you look into a story, you’ll be craving for more. You’ll probably end up losing sleep over funny cat videos your friends are laughing about, leaving you stressed, puffy eyed and unproductive the following morning despite heavy doses of caffeine.

Sleep is easy to attain if you don’t have to check your smart phone every five minutes, leaving you well-rested. Remember how easy it was to sleep at night before the age of Facebook and Twitter?

You’ll Be Able to Think More

Browsing social media takes a lot out of your time: before you know it, you’ve spent the last hour and a half flicking your thumb across the screen. It’s also time spent unproductively: your mind is wandering elsewhere, when you’re better off thinking about what you’re doing with your life.

That being said, abstaining from social media gives you more time to meditate and clear your mind. By investing your time in thinking, it gives you the opportunity to reflect on the events that transpired in your life, as well as the chance to plan and get ready for tomorrow. In my case, it helped me realize that I had lost my ambitions, and helped me formulate another set of goals.

More Time to Read

Sadly, social media deprived me of my reading habits – something you can relate to as well. Years ago, I used to sleep at three in the morning just by reading Harry Potter books, Japanese comics and Reader’s Digest magazines…and I daresay times were better back then.

When I did this experiment, I found new reading obsessions – new adult fantasy novels, books about ancient history as well as law-related novels. If you were once a reader, ditch social media and engross yourself in the world written on paper and inscribed in ink, rather than deal with the petty squabbles on Facebook comments regarding provocative articles.

Immune from Negative Feelings

Back in January, I spent hours reading news articles and user comments regarding a particular issue. In my country, 44 policemen were slain by rebels, and it gained widespread fury across the nation. People, including me, were distraught, enraged and were in tears after knowing the fate of the gallant heroes who sacrificed themselves for the country. I shared the sentiments of my fellow countrymen: rage and sorrow merged into one.

By empathizing negative feelings, you leave yourself vulnerable to truckloads of trouble. Personally, I had a small breakout of acne, and was clearly unmotivated – all because I read and absorbed the negative feelings of the people in the comment sections. If I hadn’t read the stories and comments back then, I think I would have slept and worked better.

Remember though, ignorance is never a bliss, but the things you know can hurt you.

Lastly, You’ll Enjoy Life More

Instead of browsing pictures depicting breathtaking scenery, get off the keyboard and take a stroll around the neighborhood. Seeing the sunset, hearing children’s laughter and breathing fresh air is more enjoyable than looking at a phone screen…and gives you the chance to feel and enjoy being alive.

PS: Take note that you should only abstain from social media, not avoid it completely. You still need to network and share content – just limit the time you spend on the digital platforms and you’ll be experiencing the above mentioned benefits!

Mikhail Blacer is a sports junkie and the current sports editor of Scoopfed, an online magazine. He also works part time as a peer counselor in his locality. Strike up a conversation with him through his e-mail (mikhailblacer@scoopfed.com) and via Twitter. 

The post The Five Positive Effects of Abstaining From Social Media appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

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Fully Commit

Decide that you’re going to keep working at it until your reach your goal. The word “de-cide” literally means “to cut away from”. Think of the other strong commitments you’ve made in your life. There’s no turning back, you stick to it consistently and keep moving forward, no matter what. Make this same kind of commitment to your goal.

Challenge Your Excuses

Don’t let your excuses rule you. Listen to them and write them down. Make a list of all of the excuses and reasons why you can’t be working on it today. You’re not “in the mood”, something came up, etc. If there are real circumstances and responsibilities that are preventing you from working on it, then that’s okay. But if it’s just because you have to check Facebook for 30 minutes, you’ll want to write that one down, and see if that’s a good enough reason to not be working towards your goal.

Choose the Right Goal

Make sure that your goal strikes a balance between being challenging and realistic. If you give yourself too big of a goal, to the point where it becomes overwhelming, you won’t even want to attempt it. Make sure that you goal is do-able. If you break that goal down into smaller steps to be completed every day, however, you won’t feel so intimidated.

Take Action Every Single Day

Rome wasn’t built in a day. And your biggest goals won’t happen overnight. They will take time to accomplish. When you make the commitment, you’re committing to doing something (to get one step closer) every, single, day! Okay, you can take off Saturday and Sunday, but the rest of the week, do something every single day to get closer.

Write Down Your Goals, Clearly

How clear are you on what you want? The more clearly that you can write it down, the easier it will be for you to achieve it. So take just a few minutes now and start writing down clearly, exactly what your goals are. You can’t achieve them if you don’t have a clear idea of exactly what they are. So, what exactly are your goals?

Write Down Your First/Next Steps

What are the next small steps that you need to take? Break your overall goal into smaller steps, and then break down those small steps into even smaller steps. Now look at the first small steps that you need to take. And start taking them, today, right now. Ask yourself, “What can I do today to get one step closer, however small, to achieving my goals?”

Start Today, Right Now

What are you waiting for? If you need permission to get started, then I’m giving you that permission right now! If you’re feeling afraid, it’s okay to feel afraid and still move forward despite your fear (you won’t die, trust me!). If you’re feeling uncertain about moving forward, then you probably need to make your commitment first, and start to accept the uncertainty.

Celebrate Your Successes

No matter how small your wins are, if you celebrate them, you will reward yourself and give yourself a psychological motivator to create more wins. If after your wins, you beat yourself up and say, “That wasn’t good enough” and “I have to do better”, you won’t be giving yourself the satisfaction of feeling good about what you’ve already accomplished. Celebrating your successes will empower you to create more of those same successes going forward.

Get Help From An Expert

Have you ever spoken to a goal achievement expert, also known as a life coach? A coach is a professional who will help you achieve whatever you want in your life, allowing you to sail right through your mental and emotional blocks. Imagine how good it will feel to start moving forward, with your own personal guide and mentor. Get started now.

If you want to reach your goals and you feel stuck in a rut, learn more about what a life coach is and read our guide to find a life coach.  At Life Coach Spotter, we help you build your confidence, find your path, reach your goals, and create the life you want.

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Our eating habits and food choices are shaped by far more than just hunger, which is why for most of us, choosing a salad over a slice of pizza requires some serious willpower.

Over the past decade, researchers from the Cornell University Food and Brand Lab have made some fascinating discoveries about how our environment and perceptions of food affect not only what but also how much we eat. So here are six ways you can use their research to trick yourself into making healthier food choices every time.

1. Use smaller plates

The size of plate you use directly impacts how much you end up eating, because a bigger plate makes a regular serving of food seem smaller.

A study that took place at a health and fitness camp found that people who were given larger bowls ate 16% more cereal than those with smaller bowls. And even though they had eaten more, they estimated that they had eaten less compared to the small bowl group.

So not only can bigger plates cause you to overeat, they may even fool you into thinking you’ve been quite modest. With this in mind, opting for smaller plates whenever possible could help you to eat less but still feel full and satisfied.

2. Start each meal with something healthy

Since visual cues are so powerful, the order in which you serve yourself can impact your whole meal. One experiment that studied two groups of people as they enjoyed a free buffet found that when healthier items like fruit were arranged at the beginning of the buffet rather than at the end, people served themselves more of those foods.

So rather than denying yourself every ‘unhealthy’ food, which can cause cravings and lead to binge eating, you can positivity influence your choices by starting each meal with a healthier item like a fresh salad or other vegetable dish.

3. Turn off the TV while eating

Numerous studies show an association between watching TV and consuming more food, and it makes sense; watching TV is distracting, so when you eat while watching your favourite show, you don’t pay much attention to what or how much you’re eating.

Surprisingly, though, certain types of television are worse to watch while eating than others. One study found that participants who watched a suspenseful movie ate 98% more than those who watched a talk show, while another showed that moviegoers ate an average of 55% more popcorn when they watched a sad movie than when they watched an upbeat comedy.

Switching the TV off during mealtimes is best, but if you must watch something, save the tearjerkers and action thrillers for after your meal. Also, if you enjoy snacking while watching TV, make a point of putting out only as much food as you plan to eat.

4. Stay away from low-fat foods

It may sound crazy, but we’re more likely to gain weight when our diet is composed primarily of low-fat foods. Why? Research shows that when we eat foods that are labelled as low-fat, we mistakenly assume that because we’re consuming less fat; we can afford to eat more.

So instead of maintaining sensible portions and simply switching out ordinary products for their low-fat counterparts, we actually end up increasing our calorie intake. With this in mind, sticking to full-fat products can prompt you to monitor your food intake more closely and avoid the trap of overeating.

5. Never skip meals

When you skip meals, you’re far more likely to end up bingeing on starchy, high calorie foods once you finally do eat, and food shopping on an empty stomach could even ruin your diet for the whole week, with research showing that short-term food deprivation can cause you to buy nearly 45% more high calorie foods.

To avoid this, try not to go for more than 3-4 hours without eating at least a small snack, and make sure you’ve had a good meal before you step foot in the grocery store.

6. Dim the lights and play some music

The atmosphere in which you eat your meals can also affect how much you end up eating. In one experiment, a section of a fast food restaurant was transformed with soft lighting and jazz music.

Although participants all ate the same type of food, those who had eaten their meal in the revamped section ate less. They also spent more time eating and rated the food as more enjoyable than those who had eaten in the regular fast food environment.

Since watching TV while eating isn’t the best idea anyway, have your meals at the table with pleasant lighting, music and conversation whenever you can – you’ll not only be less likely to overindulge, but will also enjoy your food more.

Marianne Stenger is a writer with Open Colleges. She covers career development, workplace productivity and self-improvement. You can connect with her on Twitter and Google+, or find her latest articles here. 

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“It’s not how long you live; it’s how you choose to live your life.”

These were the words that my mother passed on to me and my brother during her struggle with a rare disease called amyloidosis, and it was in the face of this painful challenge that she unleashed her positive attitude and taught us the importance of mental resilience.

Often, she would get a call from her doctor telling her to come to Boston for another round of painful procedures. As a single mom, she knew that she had to lead her sons by her own example in the face of adversity.

So she made the conscious choice to turn the medical trek to Boston into a fun family trip. She knew we liked Chinese food, so we visited Chinatown. She knew we loved bowling, so that was part of the trip, too.

My mother decided to find the positive (even if she had to create it) rather than focus on the negative elements she couldn’t control — even in the face of her own death from a rare disease with no cure. It was through her amazing actions that I learned that we all have the power to reframe a negative situation to discover the positivity within.

The Power to Reframe 

We’ve all heard this saying before: Mind over matter.

It’s one of the first rules of sports psychology, and it involves the understanding that athletes cannot perform at their highest levels based on natural talent and physical training alone. There must be a mental toughness if they’re to get back on their feet following failure or push their bodies beyond what would otherwise be possible.

This principle can be applied to pretty much anyone, and it can be especially useful for entrepreneurs or anyone trying to make a positive impact on the world.

With the ability to reframe negative situations, a positive mindset, and mental toughness, we’re able to unleash our true potential. The process of developing these characteristics can be difficult and even painful.

You Get What You Expect 

There’s a principle in psychology called “expectancy theory,” which states that people are motivated by the outcomes they want. So if you focus on the positive because that’s what you expect, you get more positivity; it’s the same with negativity.

As in sports, your success in life is determined by your ability to get up more than you’re knocked down. It starts with your ability to choose a positive mindset in the face of adversity. Here are a few tips to get you started:

• Find your advocates.

Avoid naysayers. It’s important to surround yourself with mentors, friends, and other advocates who believe in you and will support your positive mindset when times get tough.

• Exercise your brain.

Our brains have a structure — the insular cortex — where we process positive and negative experiences. We also have a structure called the medial prefrontal cortex, which is where we develop our mental toughness and choose how to respond to a challenge.

Exercise these areas of your brain the same way you would a muscle. This might mean intentionally putting yourself in difficult situations to practice your positivity. If you already have enough challenges in your life, it means training yourself to put the positive thoughts first.

• Believe in yourself. 

You need to attain belief in yourself by identifying the person you are today. Use that knowledge as the foundation for who you want to become.

Take Muhammad Ali, for example. He had unbeatable confidence in himself, and he started declaring that he was the heavyweight champion of the world long before he actually won the title. No one thought it was possible, but he believed, surrounding himself with advocates who supported, loved, and inspired him. The result was that not only did he become the heavyweight champ, but he also became one of the greatest athletes of all time.

Don’t expect yourself to be able to maintain positivity in the face of adversity with the flip of a switch. It won’t happen overnight, so stay strong and acknowledge that you must continue to believe and actively engage in the process if you’re to experience concrete change that will benefit your future. The next time adversity rears its angry head, face it with a smile — you’ll be amazed at how it affects the outcome.

Ben Newman is the owner and president of The Ben Newman Companies, a motivation and training provider. Ben is a bestselling author, an international speaker, and a highly regarded performance coach whose clients include Fortune 500 companies, business executives, high-performing salespeople, and athletes in the NFL, PGA, and NCAA. 

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You are going to do it this time, you are going to lose that weight, dust off your resume and get out of your soul sucking job, stop getting into dysfunctional relationships and a myriad of other changes that have to be made.  Perhaps you grab a self-help book or take a course. You read through all the great advice they have on the topics and you implement a few, but then you don’t lose weight, you don’t get a new job and you find yourself in yet another bad relationship.

Why do we repeat the same cycle year after year and for some of us decade after decade?  It’s not what you’re doing – it’s what you’re not doing.

You can’t move forward until you dig deeper and root out and rectify underlying beliefs, fear, and lack of worth and on and on. When you pull a weed out of your garden and the weed grows back, it’s because you did not make sure the whole root was out.  You just pulled off the top.  Reading self-help books and implementing a few well-intended tips are just cropping off the top of the weed.

What does it take to make real transformation?  Pull that pesky weed up by the root.

Check your ecology.   How often do you step back and just observe? When we are in the middle of an issue or thought process it’s hard to totally see what is happening because we are too close. You can take a moment and ask yourself a few questions:

Is this behavior, belief, thought, emotion, serving me well?

Is this an empowering or disempowering belief?

How does what I am feeling right now effect my relationship with others?

Just a few simple questions will help you check the consequences of your thoughts and feelings. Which in turn can help develop strategies to disengage from a belief system and ways of work that do not serve you well or move you forward.

Transformation is a continual process of letting go.  What do you need to let go of to make real change?  For me it was the stories I told myself about why I could not create a life I could love.  Once I realized my stories were holding me back I changed them to be more empowering and less about who had wronged me and how badly I had been treated.  I stopped using my stories to blame others and put the responsibility on me. (Where it belongs.)

Think about how you would describe yourself.  Do you see yourself as a victim or a martyr? Do you think you are unlucky or maybe no one likes you?  Think about your experiences surrounding how you described yourself.  How often did this “story” about you show up and you are able to say, “See I told you so, no one likes me.”  Perhaps what is happening is your reality is chasing that story.  If you don’t want to accept responsibly or you want to live in the past you are hiding behind your story.

Decide what is true for your life.  For many years I could not understand why I felt the way I did after too much time spent with people.  I thought there was something wrong with me and so did others.  I was often called a snob or seen as shy.  Neither of which is true.  I have since discovered I am an introvert, which was a relief.  But the biggest turning point came when I decided to be true to my nature.  I no longer feel the need to live up to my extroverted friend’s level of energy, which made me tired, cranky and resentful.

When we shape-shift into what others need us to be or what we think they need us to be we drown out our true self.  This can lead to all types of devastating consequences – overeating, drinking to excess, depression and etc.

Take empowered action.  When we base a decision or action on a belief or emotion that is disenfranchising then we will make decisions that won’t move us forward.  Once you take steps to move from faulty beliefs and the approval of others, empowered action is what comes without much effort.

As you make changes in your life there will be those who try to sabotage those efforts, whether covertly or overtly.  So surround yourself with others who hold similar beliefs and have common outcomes in place.  Also, understand why others may try to sabotage you and what you can do to minimize their efforts.

When you change others get nervous because their behaviors, emotions, feelings, etc., have been formed around yours. This is especially true in marriages and longtime partnerships.  Expectations of behaviors are formed after many years and this make us feel safe and comfortable with our world. If I and my partner spent the evening after dinner watching TV and eating ice cream I know what to expect.  If suddenly my partner decides to go to the gym after dinner my feeling of balance is changed.  I might start to feel bad about myself because I need to change as well – so I engage in behavior that will sabotage my partner’s desire to become healthy.

Creating a life you will love or personal transformation, whatever that looks like to you, is a process.  For me it was a two and half years of working through the five steps above.  Is it hard?  Yes, it can be. But in order to make real change – changes have to occur.

Shelly Drymon – a Damsel no longer in distress has gone through her own amazing transformation.  She is the founder of The Rescue Yourself Project – where she helps women in mid-life transitions pursue their passion and purpose and to be their own knights in shining armor.  You can read her story on her website – The Rescue Yourself Project. 

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If you own a laptop or computer, you own and control the means of production.

Years ago, the only people who could build large businesses and have a voice were those who had access to large amounts of capital (money).

Today though, the game has changed. Anyone with an internet connection showcasing a product/service, a cause, or an idea can spread the word to millions of people around the world “online”.

If you want to start an online business, there has never been an easier time to enter the market and create one.

If you want to get a better job, there has never been as many resources available to explore opportunities as there are today.

If you’re an artist, small business owner, or non-profit, there have never been as many platforms to reach out to others for support than there are today.

The opportunity is there for you……

In order to succeed though, you need to provide value, believe strongly in what you’re doing, and not get sidetracked by the negative opinions of others.

When I built my first business up remotely while playing professional hockey overseas in Eastern Europe, I had a lot of people initially give me their opinions. I heard everything from “I don’t think your business will work remotely” to “I wouldn’t risk it.”

I drowned out the negative noise.

Entrepreneurs must be willing to be misunderstood for long periods of time.” -Jeff Bezos, Amazon

Our society as a whole has led us to believe that it’s more acceptable to “play if safe” than to go after what it is we truly desire in life.

This is why entrepreneurs, artists, and aspiring business owners always face so much initial criticism by those around them (even family/friends close to them).

Statements like, “you’re better off taking a safe job” or “your idea won’t work” are exactly where the problem lies.

Most individuals unfortunately let this criticism, discouragement, and fear stop them from pursuing their goals. They’d rather put their head down and call it a day than persevere and go after what they really want.

The working world is changing and you now have a platform that allows you to be heard. So speak up!!

It’s the perfect time to create, innovate, and put your ideas out in the world.

Remember: At one time in their life, every successful individual today had humble beginnings, obstacles, and roadblocks along their journey to success too.

Tony Robbins could have let criticism and hate discourage him early on in his career, but he didn’t. He’s now recognized as one of the world’s top business coaches and sought after speakers.

J.K. Rowling could have given up writing the Harry Potter series on napkins when people told her it wouldn’t be any good, but she didn’t listen to their opinions.

These individuals could have caved in and given up, but they didn’t.

Each looked fear in the face, overcame the resistance, and did NOT allow their existence be determined by the negative opinion of others.

You need to do the same.

If you have a goal you want to achieve, a business you want to start, now is the time to get started.

Every day gone by is a day that could have been spent working towards your goal.

Stop waiting and start building!

Want to Learn How To Build A Successful Online Business?

Download the Free eBook Here Ten Pages to Creating a Location Independent Business

Ryan Malinowski is an internet entrepreneur & professional athlete. Along with running his business ventures remotely, he connects with and teaches aspiring entrepreneurs/small business owners how to become more successful online. You can learn more about Ryan by visiting RyanMalinowski.com

The post How To Succeed In Today’s Economy (New World of Work) appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

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