There were mirrors in the house but I did not look into them. I did not want to see that version of myself looking back at me.

But in the cold light of day, in the shopping mall mirrors, I couldn’t miss my reflection staring back.

Who was that sad, lonely, young woman with eyes like a dead, black river?

That was me many years ago, a young mother isolated in suburbia with two young children and only a house for company. No job or future prospects. And a husband who clearly had no understanding about my suffering.

Was it any wonder that I was depressed?

Depression is an unconscious cry for help.

To ignore the cry is to push down the pain into your soul so it can lurk there ready to pop back up when you least expect it.

Do you feel that somewhere there is a vital part of you that wants to live again, that wants to recover?

Or maybe you are just waiting for your

depression to lift and go away as it has before?

Depression is caused by unfinished psychological business.

And it is only until you deal with this business that you can ditch depression and get your life back.

Your depressed human psyche cannot see a future.  You have no hope. You feel helpless. You have no personal power. You may be contemplating suicide.

But there is a way forward without having to end your life.

 When you are suffering from depression nothing is as it seems. Yesterday you were feeling ok, not great but ok, and today the whole world is against you.

Everything is dark and bad. Your perception has changed over night but that is all that has changed. Everything and everyone else around you is just the same.

No matter what your depressed psyche believes, know that it is not real.

 

 Understanding your depression.

 1) Your depression is unique to you.

2) Depression has many causes.

3) Underlying emotions of depression are complex, powerful, primal and elusive.

4) There is no quick fix for depression.

5) All emotions are parts of a jigsaw puzzle of depression.

6) Each piece of the puzzle needs to be located and released before healing can begin.

7) Healing depression is hard emotional work and piecing together your past emotional experiences can be confronting.

8)  Releasing painful feelings is a step towards unlearning and releasing the past to make way for renewal.

  

8 Ways to deal with the black dog.

1) Find a capable psychotherapist to help you piece together your puzzle of depression.

2) Therapy is team work. In between sessions try to become more aware of what is happening in your psyche.

3) Keep a diary to record your thoughts, feelings and dreams, which will be preparation for your next session.

4) Exercise daily, a short brisk walk or jog.

5) Practice meditation or deep breathing to release stress.

6) Treat yourself to a weekly massage.

7) Buy a dog or a cat but only if you like animals and are prepared to put the time in to look after it. You could borrow a dog to walk.

8)   Consider therapy as an investment in yourself and your future happiness.

 

 The black dog is a rare visitor to me now. But if I should face him on a lonely road, I cross over on the other side. 

———–

Carole Lyden is a writer and psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in depression therapy at Teddy Bear Therapy Centre in Perth Western Australia. She is passionate about the power of psychotherapy and its ability to change lives.

The post How To Ditch Depression and Get a Life: 8 Ways to Deal with the Black Dog appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

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There are always times in our lives when we succumb to pressure. Though we won’t likely end up hysterically complaining about work and school like in the movies, chances are we will suffer as much.

The worst can happen to the best of us. No one is immune to struggles and failure: you haven’t experienced what life has to offer if you were never rejected (whether if it’s a job application or in a romantic context) or went through hell on earth.

The challenges do not break us: the way we respond is responsible for doing so. Once we lose all rationality, logic and determination, we lose the chance of getting through the bumpy road we’re treading on.

Personally, I’ve faced problems before and I deeply regret the way I reacted. I ended up posing more problems for myself and my family.

So, if you’re currently in a deep pit of doom, do not despair and face climb out of it in your own terms.

Sleep It Off

Is this a joke?

No.

Regardless if it’s a report you need to compile at work or a project you need to work on at school, don’t lose sleep over it.

You might say that “sleeping is unproductive” and doing so “will make you lose valuable hours”, but it’s the contrary.

Once a challenge has been given and you don’t have any clue where to start, panic creeps in which in turn will make you irrational and emotionally unstable.

Though sleeping your problems away doesn’t solve them, it freshens you up and gives you the energy to face the daunting task with optimism.

Scientifically, psychologists say the solutions to your problems may already be on your brain – sleeping and dreaming help unlock it.

If you’re having a hard time dealing with the challenges thrown at you, curl up into the arms of Hypnos and get enough sleep.

Take a step back

If you’re currently facing a brick wall separating you from the solutions to your problem, take a step back and walk away.

No, you’re not running away from your problems: you’re just going to find a better vantage point.

Temporarily turning your back on the task on hand will allow you to see the clearer picture, allowing you to find better solutions with ease.

For example, a common practice done by journalists and writers is to leave their write-ups for an hour or a day before correcting them. This gives them the chance to see mistakes clearly, thus allowing them to further improve their work.

Work on your bucket list

If you’re thinking of quitting your job thanks to extreme stress and about to lose your grip on life, instead of filing a resignation letter, write a request for a leave instead.

Start crossing out the items on your bucket list. If you don’t have one, then make one: take a trip to a tropical paradise, go parasailing and kite boarding. A temporary reprieve from your stressful life will allow you to have a more positive outlook the next time you face your demons.

Give yourself a break and time to enjoy life before you start losing it. Overburdening your body and mind with work and problems won’t help you accomplish your tasks.

Vacations are never a waste of time, unless if you don’t make the most of them! Spend it with your family, friends and loved ones!

Overall, dealing with your this

Mikhail Blacer is a sports junkie currently the sports editor for Scoopfed, an online magazine and works part time as a peer counselor in his locality. Strike up a conversation through his e-mail (mikhailblaceroffice@gmail.com) and Twitter. 

The post What You Should Do If You’re Losing It appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

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Anger is rarely an emotion we think to have more of in life. In fact, we are often taught that it should be avoided at all costs because of the collateral damage it can have on our surroundings. And it can be toxic. But avoiding anger altogether can have negative consequences as well. Knowing when to avoid it and when to indulge can be challenging, and since we usually hear the reasons to avoid it, let’s look at 5 reasons to start being angry instead.

1. Your repressed anger is causing health problems

We tend to think of emotions as being entirely abstract of our physical bodies, but a recent study suggests that emotions manifest physically as well as in our thoughts. Embarrassment can make us blush. Extreme anxiety can make us vomit. And stress can even give us a heart attack.

When we store anger, it is affecting us whether we acknowledge it or not, and unless we allow ourselves to walk through it, it can cause seemingly unrelated health problems. Some of these problems are:

• headache
• digestion problems, such as abdominal pain
• insomnia
• increased anxiety
• depression
• high blood pressure
• skin problems, such as eczema
• heart attack
• stroke

2. Your unprocessed anger turns into twisted behavior

Because our emotions are stored when we don’t address them, they can leak out in uncontrollable ways. We may have held it in initially so as to not hurt or offend anyone, but then we’ll lash out at those who pose a small threat to us, like a child or pet. We aren’t intending to hurt them, but the anger is simmering underneath, and is easily set off when our self-control is weakened.

Repressed anger can also cause anxiety disorders, irrational fear, and blatant rage. The nature of an emotion is that it needs to be felt and heard, so even if our brain is trying to keep it all in, it will find a way out, and be less productive than if we’d dealt with it originally.

3. Others need to know if they’re hurting you

While there are plenty of times when people intend to hurt or anger another person, there are just as many instances where they have no clue if what they’re doing is upsetting. If we feel guilty for our anger, we may internalize it and blame ourselves, never addressing the real issue. When we allow ourselves to process and realize the anger, however, we will become more aware of the cause behind it. Then we will have the tools necessary to address the person angering us, and give them a chance to change the relationship dynamic.

4. You need to know when to set boundaries

Becoming aware of the people in our lives who anger us is a great first step, because then we can start setting healthy boundaries. Are we angry because of something they’re doing, or is the anger caused by a personal wound from our past that they’re reminding us of? Is it because of an insecurity on our part, or is the other person treating us badly?

The answers to these questions are discovered when we face our anger and walk through it. And this knowledge will give us the clarity to make good decisions about the relationships we allow in our lives. We may need to take a step back from some, and realize that others aren’t as bad as we assumed.

5. Experiencing anger can be enjoyable for you

Believe it or not, there can be a joy in experiencing anger. There tends to be a slanted emphasis on experiencing positive emotions rather than negative, but if we visualize each of our emotions as a different color, an alive feeling of discovery can be experienced as we move across the spectrum.

Experiencing anger in an aware and conscious way is an entirely different experience than  the stuff, deny, and explode method. It can be an amazing process of getting to know ourselves, by understanding why certain elements make us angry.

So while we don’t want to live entirely in a state of anger, we also don’t want to pretend it doesn’t exist. Anger is a natural human emotion, and we need to feel permission to experience it, so we can lead healthier more fulfilling lives.

 

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“God gave us two ends: One to sit on and one to think with. Success depends on which one you use. Heads you win, tails, you lose.” – Anonymous

Let me guess.

You’re in the midst of chasing your desires. You’re unsure of what exactly you’re chasing, but you’re after dreams larger than yourself.

Greatness awaits you, and you know it. You’re a diamond in the rough waiting to be uncovered from the final layers of soil.

But you’re unsure of how to escape the darkness of the dirt and breach into the light.

You come to the internet seeking advice and inspiration on turning your dreams into reality.

The problem is, most of the advice you find isn’t very good.

The information you get is boring, mundane and obvious. It’s been regurgitated from one article to the next. You’ve heard it all before.

You spend hours clicking through websites looking for someone else to solve your problems, only to walk away feeling disappointed and helpless.

But in reality, it’s your fault. It’s not up to the internet or writers to solve your problems.

It’s up to you.

You expect to find the perfect advice tailored for your situation and then you’ll have the confidence and motivation to do what you need to do.

It’s never gonna happen.

It’s not up to anyone else to motivate you or make your dreams come true.

Once you accept that you can focus on turning those dreams into reality.

The False Victory Of Inspiration

Now that it’s out of our system, I’ll admit I was that guy googling how to be successful or how to be a writer expecting to find motivation and a step by step guide to perfection.

Eventually I’d find an article that gave me instant gratification and inspiration. But I never did anything afterwards. The immediate satisfaction drove me to a screeching halt.

Humans are emotionally wired. When we experience another person doing something mirror neurons fire in our brain, giving us the feeling of action when really we’re only observing.

It’s why we become so invested in movies and sports, our brains place us into the moment. We experience the sensation without any action.

So when I read about someone else’s success my brain ignited a feeling of achievement. Which ultimately led to doing nothing.

Only when I stopped looking for inspiration from others and began looking inward could I truly identify what success meant in my life.

The battle of success comes down to three things: Defining what success means to you, learning from the best and working towards your goal every single day.

These are non-negotiable. Neglect one and you’ll be forever stranded from reaching your max potential.

1. Define Success

“If you don’t know where you are going, you’ll end up some place else.” – Yogi Berra

Modern society has accustomed us to a one size fits all view of success that everyone should desire.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

Having lots of money doesn’t mean you’re successful, true success is about doing what you love and loving what you do.

If you’re rich but miserable, own a business but are unhappy and out of shape, you’re not successful.

You don’t have to know how you’ll get there, but before beginning the journey of success you must gather a picture perfect image of where the trail will lead you.

2. Study The Experts

“You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.” – Albert Einstein

The difference between seeking inspiration and studying the experts is you’re not looking for gratification but rather implementing a strategy from those who’ve already accomplished what you desire.

If you’re a writer, learn from people like Stephen King, Jon Morrow and Jeff Goins – Some of the very best at what they do.

Instead of searching what you need to do look for those telling what they did.

Any expert in any field reached their level of success because they followed a system that works. They didn’t waste their time with wannabes and posers, they learned from the best who came before them.

If you want to be the best, you have to learn from the best.

3. No Days Off

“Seventy percent of success is just showing up.” – Woody Allen

Defining what you want is great. Studying the experts allows you to live through their success for the time being, but when it comes to actually doing the work most will saddle up and run back to their safe and boring lives.

The true test to knowing how bad you want what you say you do is how you respond to the following question:

Are you willing to make the necessary sacrifices in your life to make room for doing what matters most?

Not just today and tomorrow, but each and every day from here out.

If you answered anything but yes, stop here, continue with your life as is and never look back. If you’re one of the few who said yes, keep reading.

In the beginning you can’t afford to waste a single moment towards your goals, let alone 24 hours.

Since I started writing I’ve set a requirement to write 1,000 words a day, everyday. No matter what. As long as I can move my hands I can write on my death bed.

Whatever you desire, you must dedicate yourself to doing it everyday.

You won’t be very good at the start, but that’s not the point. Creating a daily habit allows yourself the opportunity to get good.

The difference between the runners who cross the finish line and the spectators cheering them on is the months of training put in before the race.

Your Greatest Success Awaits

“Do or do not. There is no try.” – Yoda

In the end, it comes down to doing the best you can with what you have.

We’re bombarded with so much information you’ll forget most of what you read moments after you finish. Life long inspiration only exists from within.

The way I see it, after you finish this you have two options.

You can keep surfing the web, desperately searching for inspiration while you continue to put your life on hold. Or, you can get to work.

True success isn’t about making a lot of money or having a big house with fancy cars.

It’s about doing what sets your soul on fire, and doing it every single day.

So that when you reach the end of your life you can look back and say nothing ever stopped you from doing what you love most.

One Last Thing

After defining success, studying the best and showing up everyday, the rest is easy.

Nothing I or anyone else says can give you more influential motivation than you can give yourself.

The power is in your hands.

Maybe this all seems like a lot of pressure.

But it’s the same pressure of nature that takes ordinary chunks of coal and transforms them into beautiful diamonds.

George Mortimer packed his van and drove cross country in pursuit of freedom. His goal is to inspire people like you to live life on their own terms. You can start now by downloading his Free Ebook: 5 Steps To Freedom – The Quick & Simple Guide To Creating A Life You Love

The post The Horrible Reality Of Online Success Advice (And How To Be Successful For Real) appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

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Are you sad to hear people you care about calling you “a Stoic”? It might be time for you to refine your philosophy and show them how much the Stoic you are, love them and care for them.

Among the different schools of philosophy, Stoicism is one of the least understood. Yet, Stoics were among the most rationale and practical people of their time and we still have a lot to learn from them. Sadly, nowadays, the word “stoic” is generally used in a somewhat negative way describing someone who refuses to complain or show his feelings. Stoics certainly advocated a rather ascetic way of life but is it what Stoicism is solely about?

In this article, I would like to share with you, three Stoic principles that you can apply in your daily life in order to live, not a “stoic” and somewhat boring life, but a joyful life.

Stoics appreciate what they have and refuse to take anything for granted

One of the greatest sources of our unhappiness is our inability to be grateful for what we have. Stoics perfectly understood that and tricked their mind to fight against that natural tendency. One of the methods they used is negative visualization. They didn’t focus on what they wanted to have trying to visualize it to make it more real, instead they focused on the things they had and valued the most and imagined losing them.

Try to imagine right now how you would feel if your children, your partner or your parents just died today. What do you wish you had done for them today? Did you really show them appreciation and tell them how much you love them today?

Epictetus recommends that whenever we kiss our child, we silently remind ourselves that he/she might die tomorrow, or that whenever we part with a friend, we tell ourselves that it might be the last time we see him or her.

If you can fully appreciate everything you have right now in your life by reflecting on a regular basis on the possibility to lose them, then the loss of a loved one or of anything else you value will be less painful as you will have little regrets.

Are you fully appreciating everything you have in your life right now?

Stoics use self-deprecating humor to protect themselves

How do you react when people insult you or make fun of you? How do you think a Stoic in Ancient Greek would have react? One way he would have reacted is by laughing at himself.

Laughing off an insult is one of the most powerful ways to react to it. By doing so, you show to the insulter that you don’t take him seriously; you don’t give him any power.

I personally love this technique and like to use it whenever necessary. If you are able to make fun of yourself more than your insulter, you will never be troubled again and your offender will feel powerless.

What about you? Can you make fun of yourself? If not, what is holding you back?

Stoics focus on what they can change

Stoics refused to waste time thinking about things over which they had no control at all. They thought our time and energy ought to be spent only on things over which we did have control. For that reason, they advocated for a total acceptance of the past and the present, as it is useless to dwell on a past that cannot be changed or to refuse to embrace a present that is happening right now in front of us. They would forbid you to use sentences like “if only I had done this or that then…” or “I wish I told him how much I loved him before he suddenly died in this car accident”.

They carefully separated things over which they had control from things over which they had no control. For instance, we have complete control over our attitude and our values. We also have control over the goals we set for ourselves. However, we have no control over most of the things that happen in the external world.

Epictetus said we should set goals that are easy to achieve or even certain to be achieved and over which we have control. When setting goals a Stoic would likely focus on the process rather than on the outcome. From a Stoic point of view, it makes more sense to focus on doing the best you can at whatever you do, than on trying to be promoted, win the game or become a millionaire, as you have no guarantee you will achieve these goals.

Are you focusing mainly on the outcome or are you focus more on enjoying the process and doing the best you can to achieve your goals?

Among these three Stoic principles, which one are you going to start using in your life from today?

Thibaut Meurisse is the founder of whatispersonaldevelopment.org. Obsessed with improvement, he dedicates his life to finding the best possible ways to durably transform both his life and the lives of others. He just released a free e-book “The 5 Commandments of Personal Development”. Visit his website to discover the 5 principles you must master in order to live a full life.

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Recently I went on an impromptu trip to Korea.

It was a rather difficult time for me as I just got out of a long-term relationship. I needed something to clear my head and thus I bought the ticket on impulse to join my friend over there.

The seven days in Korea was both awesome and mind-opening.

This isn’t an article where I talk about travelling the world and how I “found myself.” It was only a single trip and the brunt of it consisted of eating, drinking, partying and meeting girls.

You’ll be surprised how powerful a single trip, even to a safe place can be.

1) You don’t have to dwell on yourself

I landed in Korea at nearly midnight local time. I was a little panicky as I thought I’d miss the last train. I had to make a mad rush, but I made it on time.

One afternoon, me and my friend wanted to walk the trail of a mountain. We somehow accidentally took the intermediate trail and found ourselves on all fours trying to climb up. It was a really crazy experience as one mistake could mean death. We made a turn around after a bit.

Here’s the thing: All these scary and uncomfortable moments were perfectly distracting me from all my problems. And personally, getting a little afraid and uncomfortable means you’re not feeling downright shitty, angry or depressed.

Do you see how getting distracted effectively makes you not dwell on yourself? Do you see how that, for a moment, your problems don’t exist?

Be it through distractions or conscious, positive thinking, the choice is ultimately yours. You really don’t have to dwell on yourself and your problems.

If you focus outwards, life instantly gets better.

2) There’re people out there who’re very grateful for you

One night, my friend and I joined his friends, two local guys for dinner. They took us around after that too.

One of them could not speak English well at all. At the end of the trip, he gave my friend a handwritten letter. With the help of Google Translator, he wrote out in English how he was sorry his English was bad and that he could not communicate well. He also mentioned he was very happy to see him.

Maybe we were just a couple of tourists and they wanted to show us a good time, but one thing for sure, we don’t get gestures like that at home at all.

Travel to new places. Meet new people. The sheer happiness, compassion and kindness from them will give you a new perspective of life.

All you have to do is to open up a little.

3) Absorbing new cultures makes you realize your home doesn’t make up your world

One thing I observed in Korea is that people generally don’t excuse themselves when walking past you. They simply push their way through. Nobody really cared or was affected.

If I did that at home, I’d get the ugliest stares and probably even a scolding.

This is where you make the difference for yourself. You can either get mad if somebody was rude to you (because of your “values” or whatever), or you can realize the exact same thing will not the least bit affect somebody else in another part of the world.

And the question is: If they can do it, why can’t you?

You’re both only human, right?

Absorbing different cultures opens up your mind on new levels altogether. You’ll realize you get to be as happy as others.

4) You’ll be thankful for what you have at home

Honestly, unless you really hate your life and where you’re from, you’ll be quick to miss your life back home.

This is where you miss your family, friends and the comfort (comfort is not always a bad thing, you know?)

You gain that epiphany when you’re faraway, alone and uncomfortable.

And sometimes that is what it truly takes to ensure you don’t ever take your life and those around you for granted. This is how you realize how happy you already are. You just need to get rid of all the bullshit in your life.

5) Sometimes, you’ve to drop everything and get away from it all just so you can move on

If I wanted to get over my breakup the conventional way, I guess I’d talk to my friends or read up articles and stuff.

If I also wanted to gain more inspiration from my writing, I’d probably read more how-to articles across the web.

But as with most things in life, it’s always never that straight forward or easy.

Sometimes, the traditional answers aren’t the answers at all.

Sometimes, you just need a damn break. You just have to drop everything and get away from it all.

And that is all I can say, for the experience, memories and every feeling you attain while being abroad, albeit only for a single trip all combine to encapsulate a new feeling and outlook for you.

That is the answer for more happiness.

You don’t have to be a digital nomad, mobile writer, hippy, archaeologist or whatever.

Just get out there for once already. Anywhere.

Special bonus for Pick The Brain Readers!

I hope you enjoyed the article! Wanna find more ways to be happy?

Then you’re going to want my book. It’s free! Here it is:

12 Things Happy People Don’t Give a F**K About!

Time to shed the crap in life and start being happy! This free book is only available through this link to Alden Tan.

Alden Tan keeps it real at his blog and writes about motivation in unconventional ways. His two main passions are Bboying and writing. Check out his free report, 12 Things Happy People Don’t Give a F**k About!

 

 

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A few weeks ago something extraordinary happened to me! For the first time after several years working in a big corporation I felt the presence of a real leader, not just another manager.

During months we were facing a real challenge at work and the team’s frustration was quite high. This person was capable of creating an amazing reaction in the people present in the room, giving us a really powerful and motivational speech.

Half an hour later everybody left the room looking to each other and saying: “Yes, let’s do that right now, let’s go for it”. Impressive.

To give you an idea of what I am talking about watch this video.

The experience shows that transformational leaders are really rare, and usually businesses are run by what we define as managers: people with a list of objectives to accomplish, really skilled at defining, giving and following actions, making pressure to make sure that these are done.

In many cases, businesses can be driven by managers, but what really makes the different are leaders, those people capable of inspiring others and make people follow them, even in very adverse situations.

Impressed by this high motivational moment, my curiosity about leadership styles increased. And I found out a great subject called transformational leadership.

The following list describes the four common behaviors of transformational leaders.

1.  Individual influence.

Transformational leaders are capable of transmitting a message to each individual person in their team. They spread enthusiasm and integrity, acting as a role model. They have one or more characteristics which make them really authentic, without caring about what others think about them. They are really good at setting real life examples which make people identify with them.

This behavior can be summarized with the word “Identify”.

2. Inspiration.

These leaders are capable of leveraging the meaning of goals and tasks. They inspire emotionally, touching the deepest inside of the people in their team. They give the meaning of achieving goals, explaining the personal reasons to achieve them, not just because it is required by the organization (as it would be presented by a manager). They are capable of communicating an attractive vision, a dream: “by scoring those points you will enter in the list of the world’s most recognized football players…” And really important: they appreciate the job done by their people.

This is the second I: “Inspire”.

3. Intellectual stimulation.

In other words: capacity to challenge their people. They question old ways of doing things, imparting new perspectives. They are auto critic, making their followers understand that they are all at the same level and transmitting that success depends on each and every individual. They adequate complexity, telling their people that only the best can achieve the goal, and this accomplishment depends only on them. They challenge the status-quo.

This behavior is summarized with: “Intellectual”.

   4. Individual treatment.

Contrary to what managers usually do, transformational leaders develop each employee individually, with full credibility. They understand their employees’ needs and they truly care about them. They give to their followers the importance that they deserve. They don’t just save time to talk to the individual when required by the business, but also when the employee has a personal topic to discuss. They enter into real valuable dialogues, not just light talking, contributing to develop a strong relationship between leader and follower.

This is the fourth and last I: “Individual”.

The transformational leadership takes place when all the four I’s appear at the same time.

Now that you know this leadership style, are you one of these leaders?

 

Fernando Vilas is founder and CEO of Quisapit, an online website which mission is to put in contact motivated students with the best teachers around the world, in many different subjects. Get another great content from Quisapit.

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Growing up as a child, I can remember every thing and every one around me reminding me that reading was not something to be done for fun — but rather — reading was instead something that “must” be done… not because it’s something that I want to do, or something that I choose to do, but rather because it’s something that I have to do.

And I believe that’s an absolute shame.

Because reading is fun. Reading is powerful. And reading has served me so well that I’d say it contributes to the majority of the successes I’ve experienced in my life — both personally and professionally. The rest of it comes from taking consistent and deliberate action on the things I’ve picked up from the books I read.

Today, I’m going to present 10 mind-expanding books to read in a life-time — but bear in mind: I’m not saying you should take a life-time to read them. The more of them you read, the more of the benefits you’ll gain from the books, and thus, the more of the mind-expanding ideas you’ll be able to degenerate and apply directly to your life.

#1. Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell

This is a book about success… and how there’s a lot more to it than being smart and working hard. Maybe you’ve heard of Gladwell’s famous 10,000 hour rule and how it relates to success – but even then – there’s still so much more to learn about how successful people became so successful in the first place. Outliers is a must-read title if you’re looking to expand your mind about the subtleties and nuances that contributed to the success of icons like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs. 

#2. Cosmos by Carl Sagan

This is one of those books that you read, and then just sit there and think. Cosmos is one of the most mind expanding books on this list because it implores you to think about our place in the universe, and the fact that even though we’ve come so far as a species, we’ve still got so much more to learn about ourselves and our future.

#3. Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

This book was written over 1800 years ago, and guess what?–The powerful principles written way back then remain just as applicable today, as they did back in the 2nd century. Just read this quote and you’ll understand what I mean: “For how could we do what justice requires if we are distracted by things that don’t matter, if we are naive, gullible, inconstant?” He’s got to be referring to our texting and driving problem, right?

#4. The China Study by Thomas Campbell

If you’re interested in learning about the single most comprehensive book about nutrition conducted to date, then this is the book you need to read. The research behind this book, and it’s health and weight-loss implications will do more than expand your mind, it’ll downright surprise you (and maybe even scare you) into embracing a healthier way of life.

#5. How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

This is the original book on emotional intelligence. Way before social scientists had the case studies to back up the efficacy of human relations and it’s impact the way we live and the way we work, Dale Carnegie had tried and tested his methods of positive influence enough times to know their effectiveness. Over 100 million copies later, the methods have proven themselves by withstanding the test of time.

#6. Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

You know that feeling you get when you’re doing what you love — and it’s almost as if time just came to halt? As if five hours felt like five minutes? As if everything you were doing just felt right? As if you were doing what you might be meant to do? That’s called a “flow” state. And if you’re looking to get more of it in your life, then you should get this book right about now.

#7. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

You’ve surely heard of this classic… but what makes it so mind expanding? The fact that it’s based on principles. And principles don’t change. They’re time-less. Each of the habits laid out in this book are designed to act as individual prescriptions for effectiveness in all four dimensions of human nature: physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually.

#8. Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi

Are you interested in getting ahead and getting the edge in life — without having to sacrifice your integrity to do it? If yes, then this is your book. Never Eat Alone is a classic book on connecting with others, and must-read for anyone living in the current connection economy.

#9. The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

The interesting thing about habits, is that once we develop them, they go about totally un-noticed in our day-to-day activities. For example: you probably don’t think about how many simultaneous actions go into reversing your car out of the garage and into the street safely and smoothly… you just do it. That’s a habit. But so is smoking. The Power of Habit teaches you how to be deliberate about building better habits that serve you both in life and in business.

#10. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

This book will do more than expand your mind, it’ll down right transform your life… but only if you let it. Learn about the power and wisdom that comes about by listening to your heart, recognizing opportunity, and follow your dreams in this metaphor-laden masterpiece by Paulo Coelho.

Which book will you read first?

Now that you’ve got this list of 10 mind expanding books to read in a lifetime — there’s only one question left… Which one do you read first? Should you go out and get all of them immediately? Should you read them all at once? Or should you take a lifetime to read them? So many options. So little time. Ultimately, it’s totally your decision what you do with this list and how you apply it to your life and career. But if I may, here’s what I would suggest you consider as you get started:

• Subscribe to a book summary site, like FlashBooks to get the key-takeaways from the books on this list.
• If you’d prefer to read an entire book, I would highly suggest that you read just ONE book at a time. Sometimes, when we see something new and exciting, we have tendency to want to do/learn/read it all at once… and as we all know, this is nearly impossible to do without stressing ourselves out. So, choose a book. And then commit to reading it from start to finish.
• If you’re in a rush, try Audio books, or Audio summaries.
• Finally, if you’re in a super rush, checkout some YouTube video book summaries, like this one.

Dean Bokhari is best-selling author and host of Meaningful*FM (MeaningfulHQ.com),one of the web’s most popular personal development podcasts.

The post 10 Mind Expanding Books To Read In A Lifetime appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

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Your inner critic doesn’t leave you alone. It tells you all kind of things:
You’re not good enough…You’ll never match up…You’re a failure…
And its voice is insistent in all kinds of circumstances, never letting you feel good about what you do.

But you keep trying to be perfect hoping against hope that maybe, just maybe your inner critic will shut up once and for all.

Your inner critic was born in childhood
You were not born with an inner critic.

It was bred during childhood and then took up residence in your brain.

You may think that childhood is an idyllic time with little pressure on you, but children develop inner critics for many reasons. One of them is unrealistic expectations.
As a child, you probably thought adults were all-wise and all-knowing, so whatever they said must be the truth. When you couldn’t live up to their expectations, you felt like a failure and your inner critic was born. It perched on your shoulder and took up permanent residence lasting into adulthood.

Copycat crafts may have bred your inner critic 

A perfect example of the effect of unrealistic expectations often happens in kindergarten or your early childhood setting.
Young children aren’t really ready for “real” learning, so lots of activities revolve around crafts. Which is fine, except in most cases, they revolve around perfect, cookie-cutter, copycat crafts.
Teachers and parents often want the children’s crafts to look as perfect as possible. If they left their children to their own devices, they’d just make a mess. So the adults create a model and have the children try to emulate it.
Children try their best, but their project will never look as good as the teacher’s, so they feel like failures. They also feel deficient because they realize deep down that the adults don’t trust them to do their own thing.
But most adults don’t realize that young children NEED to make messes and have imperfect art for their proper development.

Children need to make messy art, not masterpieces

When we allow children to do art at their own level, it nurtures a sense of self and competence even if the end result is not what an adult would be proud of.
When we allow children to create on their own and make messes, we are telling them, “ I know this is where you are at and I trust that you will do what you can at your level.”
This also helps discharge tension and allows them to represent forbidden thoughts in socially acceptable ways.

For example: It’s much better to show anger in art by painting in all black, than to punch your classmate.

When you were young and given projects that were way beyond your developmental needs, you probably started doubting yourself, which almost certainly spilled over into many other areas and carried into your adult life.

This now shows up as perfectionism with the need to do everything just right.
How to heal from that inner critic and shut him up once and for all
Have you ever heard the idea that when you fall off a horse the best thing to do is to get right back on?

The idea is to confront the thing that harmed you, in a positive form. Your trauma can be your medicine. If you indeed had negative art experiences when you were young, then the best way to heal is by recreating those experiences in a positive way.
Art therapy is one such well-known modality, helping people heal from trauma through art. It’s safe, non-confrontational and helps people cope with all sorts of negative feelings.
You don’t have to sign up with an art therapist to benefit from art therapy. You can be your own modified art therapist.
Get messy like you wish you could have as a child!

Let’s go over a few ways you can get involved with messy art that will help you get rid of your inner critic:

1-Finger-painting

Finger-painting is one of the best and most important messy art activities for kids, and if you’ve never done it, then maybe now is the time.
If you are scared that the paint may stain your clothing or your walls, and you don’t want to bring it into the house, I have an alternative: shaving cream! The cleanup will be much easier because it’s not colored paint.
The real point of finger-painting is the wonderful sensory experience you get from feeling the mushy paint between your fingers, and having the freedom to create without permanent results. Shaving cream can give you the same benefit.

2-Mixed media art

Get involved in mixed media art. It allows you to create without feeling your “drawing” is unacceptable even if you can’t draw a straight line.
Mixed media art allows you to use many different types of material like paints, foils, found materials, and various techniques like collaging that are fun and relaxing without any predetermined method.
There are usually no models to follow and it is a great confidence-builder and inner critic-destroyer, as there is no wrong way to do it.

3-Children’s art

Get young children involved in “process only art.” This means the process, not the end product, is what’s important.
Very often when we have suffered from a traumatic experience, getting children involved in the opposite experience can help us to heal.
If there are no children in your life…then it’s time to be a child again for just a little bit (No tantrums though, please).

4-Unplanned watercolor painting

If you want to stretch out of your comfort zone to quiet your inner critic, there is an incredible tool that will help you learn about living and working creatively each day. Easy watercolor painting will teach you improvisational skills and help you turn off your self-censoring as you learn to let yourself go through the guided exercises.

I myself have been going through this process with a book called Painting your way out of a corner (By Barbara Diane Barry). It uses watercolors as the medium to help you break free from your inhibitions and heal. It’s a wonderful book and a must-read for all who would love to get unstuck.

So get ready to silence that inner critic

You have a choice now; you can give a little smile at these ideas and go back to beating yourself up and wallowing in perfectionism.
Or, you can take the bull by the horns and say “I will silence my inner critic. Bring on the shaving cream!!!!”
Now go do some messy art and get rid of that inner critic once and for all.

————

Faigie Kobre is a reignited art teacher who loves to help others reignite their natural, inborn creativity they thought they didn’t have, to help make their lives so much better and more fun . To begin you can get a free copy of her pdf guide 25 exercises to rekindle your natural creativity 

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Years ago, when I was just starting my career as a physical therapist, I worked with stroke patients at a major rehabilitation hospital in New York City.

Every day, I would help patients out of bed and into the hallway– where we would practice the basic skill of walking. With each step, I would direct the patient’s attention to the essential mechanics: foot placement, step length, knee/hip position.

It could easily take a few minutes to walk 10 feet.

One thing became clear early on: the patient absolutely had to focus their attention on each step or they would lose balance and fall into my arms.

They had to use the immense power of the conscious mind in order to take one simple step.

Something that just days before had been an easy, automatic activity, was now tedious and difficult.

And it was here in the hallways of a hospital that I fell in love with the brain. What a miraculous instrument.

This organ allows you to walk down the street, while talking on the phone and sipping your coffee at the same time.

The way it does this is by laying down neural networks that become automatic. The reason you don’t have to think about walking is because that function– along with many others like breathing– is under the control of the subconscious mind.

The subconscious mind is a wonderful piece of machinery. It literally frees your conscious mind— the part that is aware and has wishes, desires, creativity– to do all the high level thinking.

It would take me many years to realize that the subconscious is not just responsible for automatic, learned movements like walking.

It’s also here that your deepest held beliefs are wired.

So in the same way that you are not consciously aware of walking, you are also likely unaware of repetitive thoughts such as “I am unworthy”, “I am poor”, or “I don’t deserve love”.

These thoughts become so ingrained from early childhood that you think them as easily as walking down the street.

And these automatic thoughts can bring you a lot of struggle and pain in life. Here’s why.
The subconscious mind is a powerhouse

The thoughts in your subconscious mind shape your reality much more strongly than the ones you generate in your conscious mind. Your subconscious is bigger and more powerful than your conscious mind.

Scientists use the image of an iceberg to illustrate the difference between the conscious and subconscious minds.

The tip of the iceberg that is above water represents the conscious mind. And the rest of the iceberg– the significantly larger portion that is submerged– represents the subconscious mind.

When you look at an iceberg on the horizon, the part you see is only a tiny portion of the whole. And make no mistake: the submerged part holds more weight.

Here’s an example of how this plays out in life. Suppose you want more money. Let’s say you even talk out loud in front of a mirror to reinforce the affirmation. “I want more money”.

Realize that you can repeat this mantra a thousand times but if your subconscious mind holds the thought “I am poor”, this is what you will keep materializing in your reality.

You will keep manifesting a lack of money, no matter what you consciously say or think.

So what do you do? How do you change these subconscious thoughts that may be sabotaging you?

You do the same thing my stroke patients did while relearning to walk: practice.

Rewiring the subconscious mind

Practicing essentially means that you repeat the movement or thought you want until it becomes automatic.

You rewire your subconscious mind.

In my experience, there is a 3-step sequence I use for subconscious rewiring that is simple and effective.

1- See the pattern. Seeing is always the first step. To see means that you bring to your conscious mind that which was previously subconscious.

For my patients, that meant they first had to understand consciously that they couldn’t walk as they did before. They had to accept where they were in the present moment.

The same holds true for a subconscious thought such as “I am poor” or “I am unworthy”. You use the power of your awareness to see that thought.

You bring the thought into your conscious mind.

2- Refocus your attention. Once the subconscious thought sees the light of your awareness, you can now literally rewire it.

You divert your attention to that which you want.

Using the “I am poor” example, you focus not on the thought itself but on what you want.

You plant a seed in your subconscious mind that is completely opposite to that thought.

“I am abundant”. Look in the mirror and repeat it. “I am abundant”. Feel the truth of that statement in every cell of your body.

“I am abundant”.

Don’t just say those words or think them. Saying something is easy.

The trick is that you feel this truth with your entire being. You can see, smell, taste, and touch abundance.

Every single time you focus your attention on this new seed, this new thought, you are allowing it to sprout.

The awareness of your conscious mind is like the sun shining on a seed.

3- Practice gratitude. If awareness is like the sun shining on a seed, gratitude is the water that is also essential for it to sprout.

Awareness and gratitude work together.

Be grateful for what you have now. Be grateful for where you are now.

I vividly remember how gratitude played out for my patients. The ones who accepted what had happened and felt gratitude for being alive had much better outcomes than those who were angry about their situation.

Gratitude literally helped my patients relearn how to walk.

The same can be said for other subconscious patterns too.

Observe. Consciously refocus. Be grateful.

That’s how you rewire your subconscious mind.

Pretty soon, your subconscious mind will think “I am priceless” or “I am abundant” as automatically as it moves your legs while you walk down the street.

And that’s how you attract abundance in all its forms.

 

Christina Lopes, PT, DPT, MPH

Christina is an energy healer, channel, spiritual teacher, and experienced clinician. You can connect with Christina on her website (http://ift.tt/1C9lA83), or through Facebook and Twitter. To download a free copy of Christina’s “Mastering the Art of Breathing in 5 Essential Steps”, click here.

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