It’s almost inevitable that you’ll encounter some stress at work, but sometimes the pressures of work mount to worryingly high levels. What’s more, it’s not always easy to recognise when you’ve crossed the line and it’s all become too much.

Instead of finding ways to really manage our stress, we take on more and more work and quickly burn out. As you’re probably aware, stress taxes the body as well as the mind – high blood pressure, fatigue and reduced concentration are all common symptoms. In a fast-paced job it’s essential not to allow yourself to be overwhelmed, but how can you keep on top of your work without wearing yourself out?

Spruce up the place

Everyone likes to work somewhere that looks good, but are you aware of how the décor of your office can affect your productivity, health and peace of mind? Though you obviously don’t come to work in order to relax, a workplace that strikes a balance between tranquil and functional is an enormous help for those who are stressed out.

The degree to which you can make your space more peaceful may depend on where you work, and you may be particularly hamstrung if you don’t work in an office. But plants, artwork and light are all factors that increase productivity (with plants it’s about more than just looking nice: leafy ones draw impurities from the air too). An organized desk helps too.

You could go further and implement feng shui techniques; this is a topic far too extensive to cover here, but we’ll just say that no matter your views on more new age or mystical techniques, many principles found in this ancient Chinese wisdom are endorsed by the skeptical scientific community.

If your office is a truly depressing hole in the ground, you can always ask your manager or human resources professional about wider changes that can be implemented for more harmonious working.

Slow down time

If you could actually make time go by more slowly, that would be an ideal way to work through that mountain of tasks. Unfortunately you can’t really do that, but you can focus your thoughts and get more done in the time available with breathing techniques.

Yes, breathing. Although you draw air in and out of your body constantly, breathing properly is not as simple as you might think. To reduce stress, slow it right down, and inhale and exhale in a regular rhythm. Start by breathing in deeply for four seconds, and then out for four seconds. Repeat this for a few minutes as you go about your work. You should find you are able to retain information better, and make more sense of your thoughts.

Divide the day

When you’ve got too much on your plate, it can feel like you’re being pulled in six directions at once. Sometimes we try to deal with several tasks or areas of focus simultaneously, and end up not properly addressing any of them.

It sounds obvious, and most of us are aware of the benefits of managing your time so as to devote your full attention to only one thing at once. When the work stacks up however, we begin to think that the process of dividing up the day is an unnecessary time sink. It’s not – that time is claimed back many times over once you work out what you’re doing and when. Solitary, regular tasks like reading email are best done in the morning, as are the most pressing tasks of the day. More social or creative tasks are best addressed in the afternoon when thoughts flow more freely. By the way, you don’t have to wait until crisis point before devising a regular timetable.

If your work really is becoming the bane of your life however, it may have become time to discuss reassigning some of your tasks, taking a break or even leaving your work entirely. Your job is not the centre of your life – your physical, mental and spiritual wellbeing must always come first.

Paul Breton is a Marketing Executive with online recruitment specialists Blue Octopus Recruitment in Otley, West Yorkshire, United Kingdom. He blogs on working life, human resources and the world of recruitment.

The post How To Stay Sane in Your High Pressure Job appeared first on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement.

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A poor self-image is becoming increasingly common in the modern world. One of my mentors once said “You can never ‘out-succeed’ your self image”. What he meant was, it will be extremely difficult for you to reach your goals and live your dream life if you have a negative self-image. To use my own life as an example; I used to see myself as an ‘Average Joe’ with less than satisfactory health, a mediocre physique and a middle of the road job. The only way that I was ever going to do something meaningful and create success in my life was to enhance my self-image.

After developing a positive self-image, I was able to achieve things that would have been previously impossible like running a half marathon, curing myself of asthma, writing a book and becoming an award winning speaker. I don’t tell you those things to brag. I tell you those things to open your mind to the potential improvements that can be made when you improve your self image. Below are the 5 things that I believe, got me to a point where I love the person that I see in the mirror.

1-Let it Go

Promise yourself to take whatever lessons you can from the mistakes that you have made and then let them go. Dwelling on them only gets you deeper into negative thought processes that will damage your self image. The making of mistakes highlights the fact you are simply a person that attempts things, you are human. It is important to forgive yourself, let mistakes go and realise that you are a good person doing your best.

2-Ditch the Comparisons

I used to compare myself to other people all the time. We all have at some time or another. The challenge is, it is very difficult to build a feeling of love for the person that you see in the mirror if you are always trying to make that person be like someone else. It is a fact of the human population, that everyone has their good and their not so good attributes so comparing yourself to other people doesn’t allow you to make progress. Focus on your own great qualities and begin to improve upon the things that you are not so good at. The only person that you need to compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday.

3-Feel Great about the Way you look

I truly believe that happiness is an inside job. However, why not give your appearance a little boost by getting your favourite haircut? You could also upgrade your wardrobe to reflect the strong, happy, healthy, motivated and successful self-image that you now have. In my view this part of the process completes the package. Think how wonderful it will be when you look in the mirror and you love the type of person that you’re looking at and you love the fact that your appearance is a reflection of that.

4 – Give yourself Credit

So many people are dwelling on the things that go wrong and the mistakes that they make, they forget to reward themselves when they do something well. When you achieve a goal it is vital that you give yourself credit. You can do this in several ways: go to your favourite restaurant, treat yourself to an item from your favourite store or book a spa day. The important thing is that you actually do something to condition your brain to expect rewards when you do things well.

5 – Build a ‘Dream Team’

Spend time with, talk with and share ideas with those people in your life who love you for you and will support you in any endeavour. Creating this ‘Dream Team’ environment will have a massive effect on your self-image. As your mind feels the love from everyone else, it will be easier to love yourself. Your dream team will also provide with the inspiration needed to get out of your comfort zone and achieve your goals.

 

Many people who have achieved great things and created wonderful lives have first had to learn to love the person that they see in the mirror. Following the above steps and adding in your own positive ideas is a great way to do this and once you have a rock solid, empowering self-image, happiness and achievement becomes inevitable.

 

Jermaine Harris is a young Online Life Coach, Author, Peak Performance Strategist and Speaker. He is passionate about human potential, personal development and empowering others to change their lives in the same way he did.  Jermaine has a vision of empowering millions of people with his unique brand of forward thinking, ‘gung ho’ approach to changing lives. Get to know Jermaine better at: http://ift.tt/1CWe2nN

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“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

There comes a point in our life when we realize that we are meant for something bigger on this planet. Unfortunately, discovering what we really want and how to get it is one of the most challenging, stressful and frustrating process of our entire life. But, in the end, it’s what define who we are and what we stand for.

Since I was very young, I loved using my imagination to vividly create my future life. The first thing I knew I wanted to be when I grew up was an astronaut, then an archaeologist and finally a famous chef.

Yes I know, there is no logic in my choices.

But growing up I started making decisions based on the world around me, the real one.

So, just graduated, I took the easy way out starting my career as a professional chef. I thought that turning my hobby into my day to day job was the best choice I could make and a good starting point to raise some money.

Well, I was wrong.

In fact, last year I have officially hit the breaking point. I’ve found myself working about 14 hours a day, 6 days a week. I was succeeding in my career, but I was really unhappy.

So, I started to ask myself, “Am I in the right job?”, “On the right career path?”, “Doing what I am supposed to be doing with my life?”.

I felt like all the decisions I made were all a big mistake. I felt unfulfilled because there was no purpose in my life. And when you live with no vision, no goals and no purpose, no matter what is your age, you feel your life is not going anywhere.

I felt like a passenger on the bus to nowhere, allowing the bus to determine my direction in life. At the beginning I thought that the destination was Ok, but soon I changed my point of view.

So, I quit my job and I started to think about how to move forward and make my life meaningful.

So, here are 3 ways for living a more meaningful and fulfilled life, even if you are struggling towards your dream life:

1. Jump in the driver’s seat and change direction

The first thing I realized after quitting my job was that I didn’t want to lead a quiet life, conforming to the norms of my family, friends and society. I was unhappy because I was playing too small and my vision was limited to what was better for others and not for me.

I’ve learned that it’s important to be able to step outside the comfort zone and be challenged with something we are not familiar to. It may be awkward and uncomfortable, but that’s what happen when you try something new and make new decisions for yourself. New stuff is scary. I know, that’s why you should take action, be yourself and trust that your intuition will guide you wherever you need to be. Sometimes you may misinterpret it, but it’s fun following it and seeing what happens next. We are all responsible for our life and if you’re not happy with your life, you are the only one that can start changing it.

2. Be open minded

When you finally step out of your comfort zone you will find out some talents and abilities you have that you didn’t know you had. Often, they may not come in the form you think, so be open-minded. When I changed direction it took a while before I figured out what I want to do for the next 50 years. I wrote down my desires, my dreams and my intentions. I started focusing on the things that really matters to me, on the things that now are at the top of my list. Often, we judge a book by its cover and that’s what exactly we do with many situations we face to. Be open to everything, because you never know where it may lead.

3. Stop fighting life

Sometimes you may feel like: “I can see the mountain top but I’m currently in the valley”. You’re doing your best. You are working so hard, but nothing seems to be happening. Then you start to doubt about yourself, your goals and your ambitions.

Sometimes you might not know what to do, where to go and how to stay motivated and inspired, but you must deeply acknowledge that life has its own schedule. We want to push, manipulate, and force, but it just takes time to do what we love.

If you deeply believe in something that might change millions of lives, in something that you have faith in, you will take all the necessary steps to achieve it, even if you fail thousands times and struggle along the way.

And when you find yourself in this “gap” you will finally acknowledge that you are working towards something worthy in your life.

What I learned from my past experiences is that feeling unfilled and unhappy is one of life’s most powerful lessons, because help you to recognize that you are not here merely to make a living. You are here to enrich the world with your talents and gifts.

And feeling unfilled is part of the process, because positive changes come with setbacks, false starts, and failures. They come from moving out of your comfort zone and taking risks.

The real secret is that we can be happy and fulfilled even if we are still struggling to achieve our goals and visions that fire our heart and saturate our soul with enthusiasm and joy at the very thought of them.

So, don’t worry if you are struggling to be successful because as everything else, what you want to do, how you want to do it and what kind of person you want to become is a long process.

Yes I know, everybody would like to see more results and achieve any goals faster, but it is fine, because everyday you are closer to your dream life by doing something so crazy and easy.

So, the lesson I want to share with you is to stop doing things that didn’t get you closer to your goals, no matter what is your age, what is your past, where you live, how many times you failed and hit the ground.

I guarantee you that when you stop doing those things, you start doing things that bring you closer to what you want, because if you are willing to succeed, if you are willing to make a positive change in your life and in the life of others, you will acknowledge that it is not what you achieve, it is what you overcome that counts.

Because sometimes, no matter how carefully we plan and how hard we work, sometimes things just don’t work out the way we want them to, sometimes we fail and sometimes we just have to try a few things before we find the right direction.

But it is Ok, because that’s what defines your fulfillment and your happiness. Don’t wait for that amazing thing to happen in the future that will be the key to your fulfillment. Instead, be fulfilled of where you are right now.

You are destined for big things. I mean really. We all are.

After quitting his job as professional chef, Luigi Potenza decided to pursue his dream to help people get healthier, happier and more fulfilled through a mind-body-spirit approach. He is deeply passionate about yoga, meditation, personal development and holistic nutrition. Visit him at zenife.com. Connect with Luigi on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

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Do you spend way too much time under trees hoping for a sudden enlightenment, but nothing comes. Is enlightenment your ultimate goal in life?

In this article I would like to share with you some common traits of enlightened people and give you the opportunity to check out how enlightened you are.

Here are 8 characteristics of people who know what’s up.

They live in the now

They understand that the past and the future are only a mental constructions created by their mind and have nothing to do with their true essence. In reality, we always live in the now. When we think of the past or the future it can only be in the present. Their intense focus on the present lead them to perceive a strong sense of aliveness in everything around them.

They make nothing a means to something else

They have no purpose because they are already complete. They enjoy every activity they do for the sake of it not for what it may bring them in the future. They don’t spend their time wishing they be somewhere else. They don’t wait for anything to come. Nothing they are doing is a means for an end. The spiritual teacher Ram Dass has a sticker on his car that say “I’d rather be here now”. What are you waiting for?

 They are egoless

Because they live in the now, they don’t care about their “personal story” that is, a story solely based on their interpretation of past experiences. Their ego disappears because it is nothing more than a mental construction based on thoughts. It is not our true being.

Failure, success, honor, disgrace, recognition or money means nothing for them. Those are mere social conventions. They don’t need to impress anybody. They don’t care about what people think of them. They live their life and have no worries.

They realize their body and their mind is not who they are

The entire cells in our body are renewed every 7 years and our thoughts just come and go so both our body and our mind cannot constitute the essence of who we really are. They experienced the awareness, the presence beyond their body and their mind. They become the witness of their own body and mind, and observe the world with detachment.

They don’t take life seriously

For them the world is a playground where they simply witness things happening while remaining completely detached from them. They understand that absolutely nothing that happens in the world have the power to affect their true essence.

 They don’t care how long they are going to live

Because they live in the present, the idea of time disappears. We can only live in the present, and the present is timeless. If we stop thinking, our idea of past and future disappears. Then, dying in 5 seconds or in 50 years doesn’t matter anymore. That’s what Marcus Aurelius was talking about when he said “the longest-lived and the earliest to die suffer an equal loss”, that is, the loss of the present moment which is the only thing we have. Everything else is a mental construction.

Since we always think of the past in the present, it doesn’t really matter whether we are 70 or 20. Our past is still an illusion; a trick our mind is playing on us. We are unlikely to be happier by remembering the accumulation of 70 years lived than by remembering only one great memory that happened yesterday. Anyway, shouldn’t we enjoy the present moment rather than remember the past?

They live their own life and let others do the same

They are free and let others be free. They have no expectations of others and demand nothing to them emotionally speaking. They don’t expect anyone to bring them fulfillment and are not responsible to fulfill other people either. They understand they have no right to force people to stay with them. By the way, is it real love if you cling to others and refuse to let them go? Is it real love if your happiness comes first and their happiness come second?

They are happy by themselves

They are back to they natural state, that is, the state of happiness experienced by little children. Their happiness comes from within. They don’t need anyone or anything to make them happy. They truly enjoy the company of others but they don’t cling to them. They are happy being with others but they are also perfectly happy being alone.

What about you? How much have you in common with enlightened people? Are you ready to let go of your current identity and find what is behind? The ball is in your court.

Thibaut Meurisse is the founder of whatispersonaldevelopment.org. Obsessed with improvement, he dedicates his life to finding the best possible ways to durably transform both his life and the lives of others.

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Are you feeling alone in life?

Does it seem like you have no one to talk to but yourself?

Is it impossible for you to make friends, while everyone else is having a good time?

The loneliest time in my life was after my divorce. Not only did I withdraw from my social circles and professional colleagues, I withdrew from my family as well.

I kept to myself, hurting and lonely.

This went on for a couple of years. Then I got tired of being lonely.

You, too, may be experiencing loneliness in your life.

Maybe a rocky event has left you isolated and alone.

Or maybe you’ve always been a quiet and reserved person who enjoys spending time by yourself, but now you’re thinking that you’ve had too much alone time.

It’s time to start meeting people and letting others into your life.

Yes, you can still enjoy your alone time, but if you’d like to feel a little less isolated, here are 10 ways to overcome loneliness:

1. Learn to enjoy your alone time.

“There is a very secret sweetness about being alone that you will miss if you fear it so much.” – Iyanla Vanzant

Before you can be comfortable with other people, you must be comfortable with yourself.

How are you doing on your own?

Yes, you’re lonely, but are you enjoying the loneliness?

“How do I enjoy loneliness?” you ask.

Find activities you enjoy doing by yourself. Visit places you want to see. Attend cultural events or the museum on your own.

Can you enjoy the experience by yourself? Can you do something you’re passionate about and have a good time doing so?

If don’t enjoy alone time, take part—by yourself—in activities that interest you. Try to enjoy yourself.

Get excited about and wrapped up in topics and activities you like.

Before you bring others into your life, find ways to appreciate your alone time.

2. Be comfortable with your thoughts and feelings.

Take note of the thoughts you have and the emotions you experience when you’re alone.

Are you comfortable sitting with them? Do they overwhelm you?

To observe your thoughts, create down time during which you do nothing. Practice silence. Become mindful of your thoughts and emotions.

Watch them wash over you like waves in an ocean. You don’t need to attach yourself to these thoughts or become a prisoner of your emotions. Let them pass. Be a silent observer.

If either your thoughts or your emotions overwhelms you, write them down or talk to someone about what you’re experiencing. Learn to manage your thoughts and emotions when you’re alone.

Acknowledge them. Feel them. Embrace them. And be at peace with them.

3. Confront your mindset.

You are worthy and people want to know you.

Before you try to meet people and cure your loneliness, know that you have a couple of mental hurdles to get past first.

If for any reason you believe you’re not good enough or worthy enough or lovable enough, you have a dilemma.

If you’re not okay with yourself, work on that issue before you meet others. No one else will complete you, fulfill you or make you whole.

No friendship or relationship will be enough for you if you’re not enough for yourself.

Remind yourself about your good qualities. Tell yourself the reasons you’re a good person and you’re worthy of forming relationships with others.

Take steps to improve your relationship with yourself. Check out the free ebook I wrote about this very topic.

Throughout your life, others have valued your personality, uniqueness and friendship. Today, people will want to know you because you’ll be there for them. You’ll give others your time, your interest, your companionship and your friendship.

You do have something to give others and people do want to know you.

Anyone will want to meet someone who is kind, giving and compassionate.

4. Everyone is connected.

Another way to shift your mindset and meet new people is to realize that our egos have built walls around us and separated us from others.

If you believe that we are all one people and that we are all connected in this world, you will have an easier time talking to others.

If you look at the connectedness of nature, you know that we are all one in nature.

Your attempts to form relationships are simply acts of reaching out to another spirit—another human just like you, someone who lives in the same world you do.

My point here is that other people are not strangers – they’re neighbors, they’re friends and they’re people traveling on the same journey you are.

Find a way to step out of your comfort zone and meet someone new.

5. Do what you enjoy. Look for others to enjoy it with.

If you enjoy a particular sport or hobby, continue participating in it or, if you’ve stopped doing it, take it up again.

Instead of doing it alone, look for groups of people who are doing it together.

There’s no easier way to break the ice than by participating in something you’re passionate about.

Even if you’re not enjoying the company of others, or if you’re feeling awkward about being there, at least you’ll enjoy the activity.

You can find people who enjoy your passion in Meetup groups, in Facebook groups, or at the local community center. You can also look for notices on library bulletin boards or other community announcement boards.

6. Say “yes” when your mind defaults to “no.”

If you’re open to meeting other people, be prepared to say “yes” when you receive an invitation to an event.

Be prepared to go to events you normally wouldn’t attend.

Be prepared to go to events where you might not know any of the other guests.

Attend events you normally wouldn’t.

Get out of your house even if your every thought throbs with the word “no.”

Attend events with an open heart and an open mind. The worst thing that can happen is that you’ll never go back. The best thing that can happen is that you’ll meet new people and form a new group of friends.

Taking a risk will pay off with less loneliness in your life.

7. Go where the people are.

Look for lectures, community gatherings, parades and talks.

Look for topics and speakers that interest you.

There’s always time before and after an event to meet new people.

Be more proactive in searching for community gatherings. Once you find them, attend them. Once again, look for topics that interest you so that you’ll be around a community of people you share interests with.

8. It’s not a popularity contest.

Remember, your goal isn’t to meet as many people as you can.

Unless you’re a politician running for office, your goal should be to have quality conversations with a few people who can become your friends.

Also, large groups of people may intimidate you.

Chat with a small circle of people and attend gatherings or events with the goal of forming quality friendships.

You don’t need to meet 50 people—you just need a connection with one.

9. Spend more time with the people already in your life.

Engage with the people you see on a daily basis.

Every day you encounter—and ignore—countless people in the subway or at work. How about talking to them for a change?

How about reaching out to friends, family and acquaintances and building up those friendships?

You get out of relationships what you put into them.

Make an effort to call, reach out, email and visit people already in your life. Start upping your commitment to people you already know (as long as you enjoy their company, of course!).

10. Don’t play the comparison game.

Focus on your life and your desire to make friends.

Try not to compare yourself to “popular people” who seem to have it all, including lots of friends.

Appearances can be deceiving.

Your friends who are surrounded by other people might have shallow and passing relationships.

Anyway, it doesn’t matter what others are doing. Don’t let their experiences inhibit you or make you feel bad.

In that regard, keep an eye on what your “popular friends” are doing on social media. If their Facebook feeds and Instagram accounts are annoying, hide those feeds so that you don’t have to keep up with their lives.

You don’t need a lot of friends to break the wall of loneliness – you just need a few.

The bottom line on loneliness: you can break out of it by taking action, getting out of your comfort zone and meeting new people.

Take the risk of breaking through your mental barriers; a richer and more fulfilling life awaits you.

Vishnu coaches people to transition to more meaningful work and live a more purposeful life. For the ebook, “11 ways to discover your highest purpose and transition out of your profession”, visit http://ift.tt/RSZdxN

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History is a great teacher. Whatever challenge you are facing today, you can be sure that someone else has faced it before. Thousands of years ago, people’s lives were a lot more challenging than the lives of people today. Warfare, lack of food, diseases were a constant threat. Yet people were still able to overcome these challenges, survive and even lead happy lives.

From these ages, comes timeless wisdom that is as inspiring and pertinent today, as it was thousands of years ago. This ancient wisdom has served as a guide for people throughout the ages, and it can inspire you as well. Use it to get a sense of direction and tackle the challenges that life throws at you.

“A man’s character is his fate.” Heraclitus

Your outlook on life will determine how you will fare in life. Yes, the world can be a mean place sometimes, but there is no use in complaining about it.

You need to take matters into your own hands and face all the things life throws at you head on. A person who has a strong will and self-discipline will conquer, while the weak person who only complains and does nothing to improve themselves will continue on living a measly existence.

“The ideal man bears the accidents of life with dignity and grace, making the best of circumstances.” Aristotle

You always have to count on something happening in life that will derail your plans. Don’t sulk in despair. Use it in order to drive you to achieve even more.

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” Confucius

There will always be obstacles on the way. You will fail more times than you will succeed. However the only thing you can do is to get up again, brush yourself off and continue on your journey. That’s where your greatest triumphs will come from. A successful person is also usually a person who has failed thousands of times over.

“You don’t develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.” Epicurus

You rarely become great just by circumstances and without challenges. In fact, it is the difficult times and the way you handle them that make you great. The next time when you face a challenge, don’t back down, instead overcome it and learn from the experience.

“Our life is what our thoughts make it.” Marcus Aurelius

Your life is what you make of it. If you think everyone is against and you are helpless to overcome all this negativity, then you will continue on living a miserable life. However if you realize that your life is in your hands and instead decide to face your worst fears and start on a journey of self-improvement, then your life will only get better.

You need to visualize success and work for it. Only with hard work will you be able to achieve your goals.

In the ancient times, people from all over Ancient Greece and beyond used to go the Oracle of Delphi to ask for guidance. High on the temple walls were carved out a series of simple maxims, words of wisdom, which are as true and applicable today, as they were thousands of years ago:

“Know thyself.” Delphic maxim

“Know your opportunity.” Delphic maxim

“Cling to discipline.” Delphic maxim

“Test the character.” Delphic maxim

“Work for what you can own.” Delphic maxim

“Live without sorrow.” Delphic maxim

“Do not tire of learning.” Delphic maxim

Take these to heart and return to them whenever you feel you are losing direction or need a kick in the ass.

——-

Peter is a world traveler interested in fitness, history, learning languages, as well as many other things. He shares his thoughts on fitness, history, and self-improvement on his blog: Gain Weight Journal.

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Shannon Clark has a degree in Exercise Science and is an AFLCA certified personal trainer. She has written on the topics of health, fitness and nutrition for almost a decade. Her insights are regularly published on BodyBuilding.com, MyFitnessPal and FitRated.com. FitRated is a leading fitness equipment review site offering insights on equipment, workout plans and weight loss strategies.

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Many of us often make big decisions at the start of a New Year. In the UK, for example, January 5th (the first working day after Christmas) was dubbed “divorce day” because it’s the busiest time of year for family lawyers as warring couples decide enough is enough. Some of us may commit to something less dramatic yet equally life-changing like finally sticking two fingers up at the job we’ve hated for years while others might decide it really is time to get fit and healthy.

Whether it’s the New Year or not, we all have to make big decisions in life and often we can find them tough to make because our heads get filled up with far too many things to consider, or our emotions get the better of us, or there’s that little voice inside that keeps saying: hmm, not really sure about that, are you? If this sounds like you in any way, read on to find out how you can encourage all those different parts to work together for you in decision-making. You can then feel more confident (and congruent) that you’re making better decisions that you won’t end up regretting.

I don’t know about you but I’ve always been able to detect a pattern in the decisions I’ve come to regret and for me a lot of those decisions were job related. I’d spend shed loads of time weighing up the pros and cons of a new job in my head and sometimes even jot them down on paper. I’d ask friends and family for their opinion and go through the same process of weighing up the pros and cons. I’d focus on how great I’d feel handing in my notice and leaving all the stress and frustrations of my current job behind. I’d feel good about the new challenges I’d be facing. I’d big up all the pros. And…..I’d choose to ignore the feeling in my gut that kept saying: I don’t know what it is, but something doesn’t quite feel right here.

Like many of us, I’d come to rely on my head more than my heart and gut so when it came to decision-making I always chose to place more importance on what my head thought was the right thing to do.

As a result, six months or a year later – you’ve guessed it – I’d be fed up with the job, banging my head against the wall and asking: why the hell didn’t I listen to my gut? It was right all along but I didn’t bloody listen!! Having learnt (the hard way) from similar situations, I’m glad to say I no longer ignore my gut, nor my heart for that matter.

When our different ‘centres’ (head, heart and gut) aren’t in tune/aligned with one another, trouble can brew big time. Not only do we end up feeling as if there’s an internal battle going on, but we can literally end up sabotaging ourselves because the part or parts we’ve chosen to ignore are trying to get our attention and prove they were right all along.

So in future, how can you make sure your centres are aligned so you can make decisions you feel more confident and congruent about? Read on to find out.

Whenever we need to make a big decision or change in our lives, it’s often a good idea to actively check in with head, heart and gut. You can do this by working your way through a checklist.

1. Think of a goal you’d like to achieve (your decision will generally be based around this goal).

2. For each statement below, check in with head, heart and gut and rate how strongly each centre feels in relation to the statement. Consider 1 as lowest and 5 as strongest.

My goal is important to me and I want to reach it. (How does head feel about this statement? How does heart feel? How does gut feel?)

 

It’s possible to reach my goal. (How does head feel about this statement? How does heart feel? How does gut feel?)

 

I’m capable of reaching my goal. (How does head feel about this statement? How does heart feel? How does gut feel?)

 

I deserve to reach my goal. (How does head feel about this statement? How does heart feel? How does gut feel?)

3. If you’ve scored 5 on every centre for each statement, go forward and conquer! Your centres are fully in tune with one another and you’re congruent about reaching your goal. A lot of the time, however, you’ll find you’ll have scored one centre higher than the others. If this is the case, hone in on the centre or centres that have scored low and ask yourself: what else would my head/heart/gut need to know, add to my goal, or believe in to be more congruent or confident? What can I do to make this possible?

By actively checking in with head, heart and gut the moment we’re about to make a crucial decision, we’re a) acknowledging our different centres or parts b) giving equal ‘air-space’ to each of them and c) taking note early on whether there’s any ‘dissonance’ so we can do something about it and make better, more aligned decisions.

So if you’re about to make a big decision, why not try checking in with head, heart and gut to see what difference it can make? I’d love to hear how you get on so please do let me know by leaving a comment below.

Jackie Mendoza is a change coach working with people who want to rebuild their lives when a relationship changes or ends. You can find out more and access free resources here: http://ift.tt/12rd17M

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“Find out who you are and be that person. That’s what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come.” – Ellen DeGeneres

Whether you hate her, love her, gossip about her, or admire her. It doesn’t matter. Ellen DeGeneres is the real deal.

She keeps it real, she isn’t afraid to be herself, express her views or stand up for what she believes in. And I admire that about her!

I love and am inspired by people like that.

Here’s what Ellen DeGeneres can teach you about being yourself.

1. It makes you a happier person.

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” – Dalai Lama

And one of those actions is being your true self and doing what’s true to you.

I can guarantee you that if you do something out of character to achieve something, you won’t be happy afterwards.

If you go against your morals, beliefs, values, or act like something you’re not, you’ll be unhappy.

Ellen clearly demonstrates this with her personality, who she is, and what she stands for. And her positive attitude shows that.

If you want to be happy, start with being yourself if you’re not doing so already.

2. You’ll be more of an inspiration to others.

Self confidence is a worldwide problem that many of us struggle with.

It doesn’t matter what race you are, your background, culture, etc. We’ve all dealt with confidence issues at some point. Some more than others.

So having the courage and the confidence to be yourself is an inspiration in its self.

It puts you in a position to inspire others to do the same. Even If it’s not intentional! Ellen is clearly one of those people, and you can learn a thing or two from her.

3. Life is a lot more fun.

“When you have confidence, you can have a lot of fun. And when you have fun, you can do amazing things.” – Joe Namath

Ellen DeGeneres is a fun person to watch and listen to. After all, she’s not just an entertainer, she’s a comedian.

But that’s not the point. The more confident you are, the more fun you’re bound to have. And that only happens when you start to be yourself without fear of being judged.

Life’s no fun at all when you’re pretending to be something you’re not and feeling like a fraud.

You may say “easier said than done”, but that would be an excuse. Excuses, fun, and being yourself don’t mix!

Excuses, fun, and being yourself mix about as well as curry and milk in a bowl of cereal!

4. You’ll attract a lot of criticism (which is a good thing).

“To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.” – Elbert Hubbard

Some days ago, a pastor accused Ellen of celebrating lesbianism (is that even a word?) and marriage to attract young girls.

I won’t go into all the details but the point is this. When you be yourself, expect a lot of criticism. But don’t let the fact that you’ll be criticized stop you from being true to yourself.

Doing something, saying something, and being something is better than the opposite.

Being yourself and being criticized for it just means you’re doing the right thing. So don’t let it stop you.

5. It shows you believe in yourself.

“You have to believe in yourself before anybody else believes in you.” – Ray LaMontagne

Self belief is a powerful thing. And it all starts with you.

Show me a person (like Ellen DeGeneres) who isn’t afraid to express themselves, and you’ll notice others are more likely to believe in what they say.

You know why? Because they believe in themselves, first and foremost. They’re not afraid to keep it real, and they could care less about criticism.

It all starts with you and it always will.

6. It makes you more confident.

“With confidence, you have won before you have started.” – Marcus Garvey

The more you get used to opening up and being honest, the confident you’ll become. And If you do it enough you won’t even have to think about it.

And when you don’t have to think or worry about it, you’ll be doing it on purpose. That’s the point you want to reach. That’s the magic of being yourself.

7. People will admire you.

“A leader is admired, a boss is feared.” Vicente del Bosque

And Ironically, Ellen shares a leadership quality that people admire. And that is honesty.

Honesty is admired by most, because it’s so easy to lie, deceive, pretend, be fake, and mislead people.

But honesty is a quality trait we all admire. And honesty is a major part of being who you’re meant to be. You want admiration? Start with honesty.

“I have a great career, and I have wonderful fans who really are supportive and loyal – because I’m not hiding anything from them.” – Ellen DeGeneres

8. It puts you in a position of power and respect.

“Personality has power to uplift, power to depress, power to curse, and power to bless.” – Paul Harris

The type of power I’m talking about is the power to uplift, influence, inspire and motivate others. The power to change others lives for the better.

And those types of qualities are respected. It’s easy to see Ellen uses her power to do exactly that. To influence, inspire, and uplift people rather than destroy people.

Being yourself, having the confidence to be yourself, and being honest can put you in that position. And that’s not bad at all because you’ll be able to contribute on a wider scale. 🙂

Leave your comments below, and please share this post. Lets get the word out!

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Theo Ellis is a blogger, author, and entrepreneur who’s committed to giving straightforward advice to help others grow. Specializing in topics such as – self confidence, self improvement, happiness, discipline and time management. You can find out more about Theo at his website – justbereal.co.uk

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“How come you never worry?” My wife asked.

In that moment, I had horrible flashbacks. The truth was, I used to worry constantly about future events and social conflict interactions in particular.

I had a Masters Degree in worrying and preplanning arguments and conversations in my head.

For 7 years, I had a boss who wouldn’t tell his employees what he wanted them to do, then get angry that they weren’t doing it. Ugh.

I was constantly on guard, planning my defense:

“If he says this then I’ll defend myself by saying THAT! Ha!”

It was exhausting.

Fighting battles in my head that usually ended up never happening was pointless, and I largely had no control over this.

It was awful.

Worrying  was just a version of negative self talk. I was defending myself from imaginary arguments because I was worried I’d mess up every situation and I’d have to defend myself.

Because deep down, I didn’t think I was good enough.

Whoa.

“I guess I have a system.” I replied to her.

So, what should you do about worrying?

• Realize that we ALL have worries and negative thoughts.
• The first step is simply acknowledging that these thoughts are happening. Let them, but start asking questions about these thoughts…
• Ask yourself questions:

“Can I control This? > No? > Then disregard.” “Is this outcome likely > No? > Then disregard.”

• Realize that this is a process. The more times you ask questions the easier it will be to ask questions and also destroy negative thoughts.
• Also, realize that new negative thoughts and worries can and will pop up over time.
• If you are in an environment that is triggering these thoughts (relationship, job, housing) then it might be time to reevaluate your situation, and possibly change your environment. Easier said than done, but everything worth doing is easier said than done.

Deeper Level: Why Do We Worry?

Now, for you weirdos (like me) let’s dig deeper to figure out where these worries and negative thoughts might be coming from.

Let’s go waaay back, through time and evolution.

In the 1960s Paul MacLean came up with the Triune Brain Theory. The Triune Brain Theory suggests that we all have 3 brains that evolved separately.

Each of these brains has a specific area of your inner psychology and personality that they are responsible for:

The Reptilian Brain: Aggression, Dominance, being territorial, basic survival mechanisms.

The Paleomammalian Brain: Emotions, Reactions, Memory, and Fear.

The Neomammalian Brain: Language, Abstraction, Planning.

Here’s an equation for ya:

Emotion + Fear + Reaction + Memory + Language + Abstraction = Negative Self Talk & Worry

So a likely cause of negative self talk is a reaction between your 3 brains.

Oh yeah, there’s also this wonderful thing called the negativity bias which is the psychological phenomenon by which humans pay more attention to and give more weight to negative rather than positive experiences or other kinds of information.

(I’ve written about negativity bias before in another context here)

When you woke up 9,000 years ago on the prehistorical savannah, what was the NUMBER ONE thing on your mind?

Survival.

Don’t get eaten.

What was that noise behind that bush?!

Have to get home to the tribe before dark.

This survival mindset served us well for millennia, we’re all here aren’t we?

Neuropsychologist Ph.D. Rick Hanson sums the negativity bias up perfectly:

“To keep our ancestors alive, Mother Nature evolved a brain that routinely tricked them into making three mistakes: overestimating threats, underestimating opportunities, and underestimating resources (for dealing with threats and fulfilling opportunities). This is a great way to pass on gene copies, but a lousy way to promote quality of life.”

Think of the negativity bias as an outdated operating system on a computer.

Key Points To Remember:

• Worrying is something we’re all engineered to do from time to time. That’s okay.
• We have control over more than we think we do.
• Worrying about things that we can’t control is useless.

Final Thought:

Now that you have some more tools in your utility belt, what questions will you ask yourself next time you start to worry?

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About Jeff:

Jeff Callahan is a Social Skills Strategist and Coach for people looking to maximize their social skills and charisma.

Want more info on stopping negative self talk?

Read this: Confessions Of An Ex-Time Traveler

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