You’re reading 6 Steps To Take To Improve Your Social Skills and Defeat Your Anxiety, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Are you tired of being held back by your social anxiety? Do you always feel like you totally embarrass yourself after every social occasion even though the only “embarrassing” action you took was holding eye contact for more than 2 seconds? If all that relates to you, then read on and I will show you practical steps you can take to improve your social skills.

“But why should I take time and effort to improve my social skills?”, you might ask yourself, so before we get on to the 6 steps you can take to develop your social skills, let me first tell you why having excellent social skills is beneficial.

Why I should Improve my Social Skills

1. For business and the Job Market: 

Social skills are not only important in dating and parties, as a matter of fact, the most important part of having good social skills is to influence people in the business world. You might have excellent technical skills on the job you do, but if you can’t communicate with customers, ultimately and most probably, the person with better social skills will have your job. There are exceptions, but why take the chance? Right.

2. For Relationships 

Here, I am talking about both romantic and friendly relationships. In case of the romantic relationships, no matter how “hot” you think you are, nobody wants a partner who only has looks but you can’t relate to. This applies for both men and women. For friendly relationships, I think it is obvious for why you need social skills. The more relatable you are (which requires social skills), the more friends you will have.

3. For Developing Confidence

Many people on the internet claim there are shortcuts to having magnetic confidence, but the only practical way to develop confidence is to master skills. Confidence is a mindset where you are certain that you won’t fail on what you plan to do. Do you think regular public speakers (comedians, actors, motivational speakers…) have low confidence? No, you know why, because they have been in the situation for years, so it doesn’t faze them anymore. The same way when you apply the steps, I am about to give, below consistently you will be unfazed with social situations eventually.

Note: This is not a shortcut or overnight method to improving social skills. It requires consistent action and effort by your part, but eventually, the effort will pay off like it did for me, and you will be happy with the time you took.

15 Practical and Proven Steps To Take To Master Your Social Skills

1. Understand why your fear social situations and try to identify specific parts of interactions where you feel embarrassed and out of your comfort zone. The next time you are in a social situation where you aren’t comfortable, I want you to forget about the interaction and instead take notes in your mind for why you fear socializing. The more diverse your interactions; the better, so try interacting with men, women, elders, managers… and write why you fear the interaction

• Are you constantly thinking about what to say next and how to say it so that you don’t get embarrassed?
• Are you constantly re-positioning yourself so that you don’t look awkward, even though the only thing you are doing that is awkward is not sitting still.
• Take note of everything that is bothering your mind and making you unsociable. After that…

2. Write all the reasons you came up with and jot down under each why you have this irrational or exaggerated fear. For example, you might be afraid of being judged and laughed at if you say something wrong. Write for every single reason you came up with explanations for why you are afraid. You will find that for some of the reasons, you won’t have explanations 🙂 After jotting down everything that came through your mind…

3. Make a plan to confront that fear: I am pretty sure some of the excuses for your fear you came up with are just irrational and exaggerated, and in order for you to see that you are just irrational, you have to confront it and see how harmless the fear you have is. The plan is to go out and confront your fear; I know, it is scary, but I promise it is worth it. I suffered for the majority of my life thinking I could find an easier solution, but truthfully, there isn’t one. 

4. Improve your Physical Appearance: One of the reasons you came up with in Step 1 is probably that you are insecure about your looks and there is a solution for that. Take effort and time to improve your physical appearance. Many think that they are stuck with their looks but in reality there is a 1000 steps you could take to improve your appearance. You could improve your fashion and style sense; you could improve your facial appearance; you could lose weight and gain muscle mass by following Brandon Carters Channel; You could improve your body language and more.

Note: This step doesn’t have to be completed before going on to the next step, keep working on it while following the next steps.

5. Get a Job That Requires You to Utilize Your Social Skills: This is the step that completely eradicated my social anxiety and made me more sociable and you know why it works? Because you fear being fired more than interacting with strangers. It is like a therapy for your mind but you don’t pay 300$ per hour. The jobs I am talking about are waiting, hosting, retail service… Anything that requires constant interaction with strangers. If you take this action, I assure you social skills will skyrocket and your anxiety will start fading. If you want to take it a step further…

6. Embarrass yourself in Public: I am not saying you should make a complete utter fool out of yourself, but try to do something that grabs attention and try to cope with the attention by being unfazed and welcoming it. For example, go into a cafe and order something and eat by yourself. If you don’t fear this, try something more daring. But I know people who would rather not eat lunch rather than go out and eat lunch by themselves. Come up with things that embarrass you and do those things in public and eventually it will feel like a feather landing on your skin. NOTHING.

These are all the steps you need to take to improve your social skills; it requires constant effort and will not solve your problem in one day so keep at it and you will eradicate your anxiety and master your social skills.

————-

Yohan Michael is the owner and founder of Edgy Attraction. Over the last 5 years, he has transformed his life by defeating his social anxiety and improving his appearance and attitude. To get more of his articles, be sure to subscribe to his newsletter.

You’ve read 6 Steps To Take To Improve Your Social Skills and Defeat Your Anxiety, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading The ONE Thing You Need To Know To Face Your Fears, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

If you want to go fast, go alone,

If you want to go far, go together.

You’re strong.

You can do it.

In the face of hardship and frustration, such words of encouragement are useless.

When everything seems scary and impossible, we don’t feel strong and we don’t feel like we can do it. We feel like we’re not good enough.

That’s how I used to feel a month back. And that’s how I had felt for quite a while before it all changed.

No, I didn’t become stronger. I found out that I don’t need to be.

Here is what happened:

In a recent article on my blog I revealed to the world (and myself) for the first time my fear of driving. In short, that’s not the fear you’d expect – I wasn’t afraid of using a car, but rather of the possibility of failure. I was afraid that I was going to be a crappy driver and I was making up excuses to never practice.

This had been going on for about 8 years.

Finally, I decided to face my fear, and for me this means writing about it.

I wrote the article and even while publishing it I felt that I’ve taken a huge step towards embracing and overcoming this fear of failure.

But, as you might read at the end of the article, I wasn’t even close to ready to get behind the steering wheel.

Then something changed. And the funny thing is, it wasn’t me.

Take My Hand to Facing Your Fears

After I published that article I received an avalanche of emails, messages on social media and retweets from people who encouraged me to give it a try.

For example, my fellow writer, Alan Marsden, messaged me on Twitter saying that once I start driving I’d “never look back. (except when reversing).”

My family and friends talked to me about it and shared their experiences.

After hearing one of my excuses that “I don’t need a car or to drive anyway” my friend pointed out that I didn’t know that I needed it. She told me that I didn’t know what I was missing.

A friend who I met online thanks to an article I wrote and published online, Sree, shared his personal story about his own fear of driving, how it came true and how he still found the strength to keep going.

Even my own husband finally realized how serious my issue is and started taking me for a drive almost every day after work. I was driving.

Surrounded by all the examples, support, love, encouragement and energy of these people I drove our car.

I felt like I’m flying on the wings of a crowd that truly cared about me.

I grabbed the steering wheel and I did it.

And I was horrible. Or at least I felt so. But it didn’t matter because joy had taken over my brain. I was sweating, my mouth was dry, my heart was pouncing and my left leg was shaking like it’s bongo time. Those of you who have used a manual car will know why.

I did it. I faced my fear.

I was so proud of myself.

After my first attempt my husband even said that I was way better than he had expected because we didn’t crash the car.

And then it hit me-it wasn’t me who was driving. It was a crowd of people who had encouraged me, helped me and shared their stories and experiences with me.

They gave me the courage. They showed me that I was not alone. That I didn’t have to face my fears all by myself.

Each one of them was right there with me in that car. And it was okay to have them hold my hand while I was turning the key in the ignition.

I felt so strong. I felt so powerful. And yes, finally, I felt that I can do it.

But not because I was better or stronger or more resilient. Rather, because I knew so many people loved me and cared about me.

I knew that they, too, have walked this walk and they, too, have felt the same fear, doubt and insecurity. After I realized that, there was nothing that could stop me because that would mean I’m letting them down.

I drove the car by myself but I was standing upon the shoulders of a crowd of people who did it before me. I can never say I did it alone.

And you know what? That’s okay. I might have never gotten on the driver’s seat if it wasn’t for the helping hands and words of people around me.

I learned that I didn’t need to do it all by myself.

What about you? Have you forgotten the one thing that matters when facing your fears – that you don’t need to do it all by yourself?

In hope that you agree that we were never meant to be alone, I share with you the profound African proverb that has recently become my favorite:

If you want to go fast, go alone,

If you want to go far, go together.

Keep driving, keep going, and remember-there are four seats in a car, you don’t need to drive by yourself….

Antonia Zorluer is a designer, writer, content marketer, and the inventor of The FiveBand. She writes for businesses at work and for pleasure at her personal happiness blog mintyhideout.com where you can find inspirational stories and tips on using writing for a better life. She loves to connect and talk happiness and writing on Twitter and Google +. 

You’ve read The ONE Thing You Need To Know To Face Your Fears, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading Six Things Productive People Do Every Morning, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Is waking up in the morning basically torture to you? Do you find yourself drifting off and longing for your soft bed, the outsides, or those delicious pizza leftovers during a meeting?

Don’t beat yourself up, this is actually a pretty common occurrence nowadays. Fortunately, there are a few simple and very effective morning routine habits that will improve your creativity, productivity, and overall mood.

Eat a generous and healthy breakfast

No doubt about it, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. It provides physical and mental energy to power you through the day. You will be able to better focus on your tasks and to be more efficient overall.

Although there are no restrictions when it comes to what you should eat in the morning no matter your shape or size, since you will use most of those calories during the day, if you want to get the best out of this meal you should look for high nutrients, vitamins, and minerals contents.

Exercise

I’m sure you already know exercising has many benefits for our general health and wellbeing, but did you know the best time to exercise is in the morning? A few minutes of intense physical activity will not only properly wake you up, but also oxygenate your brain. You will be able to focus properly, come up with solutions quicker and generally feel better about yourself.

If you’re like me and you feel like exercising is pointless since it involves no challenges, you can bike your way to work or ask someone to exercise with you, since this might bring out your competitive side.

Resolve your personal issues before work

Having distractions at work is practically unavoidable, whether we’re talking about a conversation taking place in your office or a pigeon flying into your window. Getting back to a task you were distracted from takes precious time and letting a few good ideas slip is unavoidable.

This is why it’s important to minimize your distractions ever since the beginning of the day. Calling your loved ones, contacting your ISP regarding your internet speed are things that should take no more than 10 minutes, so why do something later when you can do it now?

Meditate

Just like physical activity will get you in shape, meditation will sharpen your mind and give you a positive attitude towards goals, issues and people. This will lead to an advanced state of well-being and better professional and personal achievements. This will come in handy not just when you’re getting ready for work, but also when you’re preparing for a job interview.  Regardless of the type of job you’re aiming for, those stressful nerves will inevitably set in before the big day. Take 15 minutes in the morning to reconnect with yourself and things should go much smoother after that.

Set your goals for the day

Regardless of what you have planned for the day, being organized is a key factor in productivity. Making a written or mental list of your activities and goals for the day will let you know how much time you have to invest in each one without leaving anything out. This can also help you prioritize them and decide how to work smart instead of hard.

Mornings are the best time do to that since you can revise your schedule with fresh eyes and maybe even improve it in ways you wouldn’t have thought about later in the day because of the pressure.

Stay away from TVs, PCs or laptops as much as possible

If you will be stuck to a chair in front of a monitor for 8 hours a day, it’s important to give your eyes and brain a little time off. You can watch the sunrise as you eat your breakfast or replace the music with the chirping of birds outside.

Even though it might be hard at first to make time for these activities, once you get used to doing them you will clearly see the improvement. Apart from concentration and productivity, these will result in a better attitude towards your life and your career.

If this is not the case, however, it might mean the career you chose is not for you and you should look into other paths you can follow. This might seem scary at first, but sooner or later you will need to get out of your comfort zone and take these positive steps towards a productive life.

————

Amanda Wilks is a Digital Marketing Specialist and a  part-time writer, dedicated to helping people find meaningful careers. She has a great interest in everything related to job-seeking, career-building, and entrepreneurship.

Image source: Deposit Photos

 

You’ve read Six Things Productive People Do Every Morning, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading Battling Low Self-Esteem? You Are NOT Alone, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Have you ever woken up in the morning hating everything about your existence? Have you ever gone to bed at night wishing you would not wake up the next day? Have you ever lived every minute hoping it would be your last? Have you ever felt hopeless, distraught, unwanted and worthless? And have you ever wished to stop feeling that way?

Because I have. A lot of people I know have. And trust me when I tell you it is not unnatural. Believe me when I say you are not the only one. We have all had dark days. We have all had sleepless nights. We have all been broken and felt unimportant. We have all wanted to end it someday.

Low self-esteem may feel like a curse you were born with. Always doubting your abilities. Never knowing if you were doing enough. Thinking you don’t deserve the people in your life that love and appreciate you. Feeling like everything you have achieved in life has been a matter of luck and coincidence.

If you can relate, here is what you need to do:

 Talk to yourself:

You need to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you need to stop feeling like filth. Tell yourself you are worth more than you think. Repeat after me ‘I am beautiful, confident, brave and ambitious. I do not care about what people have to say about me.’ The first time you do it, it will feel like you are lying to yourself. You will feel like you are wasting time but go on anyway. The reason you care so much about what other people think about you is that you listen to other people way more than you listen to yourself. Tell yourself you matter. Tell yourself you are worth it. 

 Burn down the negativity:

Literally. Write down all the things you think are ‘wrong’ with you. List down all the things you think you are ‘incapable’ of.  Do people ever tell you that you are worthless? Do they taunt and mock you? Write down their words onto the page. Write down every negative thought that comes to your head when you wish to do something. Compile your negativity on one piece of paper. Walk to the stove and set it on fire. Watch it burn and reduce to ashes. Video tape if you would like to watch it again later. Everything holding you back has been wiped off existence. ‘Everything wrong with you’ no longer exists. You are now free. You are a new person. 

 Write:

It does not matter if you can’t. It does not matter if you failed creative writing class. What matters is that you have feelings. What matters is that you have something to say. You don’t necessarily have to write about yourself. You don’t have to write about your life. Write about what you want to write about. Maintain a journal if you’d like. Write about a friend that inspires you. Write about something you love to eat. Write about a sport you enjoy watching. Write about absolutely anything or anyone that puts a smile on your face. 

Reach out:

We are often afraid of opening up to the people around us. Many a time I have felt like I needed to be someone else around other people. I have felt like I needed to hide myself. Crying in front of someone made me feel weak and vulnerable. I would run to the toilet to shed my tears every time I felt sad. And I would come out with a huge fake smile on my face like everything inside me wasn’t broken. But recently going through a hard time in my life I started to have extreme anxiety and panic attacks. However, this time I ran to my mother’s room instead of somewhere no one would find me. It was hard opening up at first. Emotions feel so irrational sometimes. You think if you’d say it out loud, it wouldn’t make sense. You feel like no one can truly understand you besides you. But that is untrue. We are all humans capable of connecting and relating to each other on various levels. It is nothing you need to think too much about. You just need to start talking. Let everything out. If everything inside you feels like it is going to collapse, sharing it with someone will only help ease the pain and hold you together. It is okay to cry. It is human to feel sad. 

What is most important is realizing it is not just you. 85% of the world’s population is affected by low self-esteem. We all have irrational fears, insecurities and troubles we live with every single day. Every smile has tales of despair it so conveniently hides behind it. You don’t need to feel like you are insignificant. Every time you are unsure of going ahead, look at how far you have come and remind yourself of all you have survived through. You are brave. You are beautiful and you are stronger than anyone will ever be able to tell you. Keep fighting. You are not alone.

By: Ramsha Zafar, Pakistan. 

 

You’ve read Battling Low Self-Esteem? You Are NOT Alone, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading 10 Signs You Need a Career Change, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Do you love your job? Or, is it sucking out your soul?

If you are unhappy at work, you are not the only one. As 2016 dawned, it was predicted that by the end of the year, half of us would be in a new job.

This could mean changing your employer, or it could mean a complete career change for some, with home learning courses presenting a real possibility for the 60% of us unhappy in our work to make a change.

It can, however, be easier to stick with what you know, with the old adage of ‘the grass is not always greener on the other side’ ringing in your ears. It may be that the time has come to swap the drudgery of the commute to a job you dread, to commuting to one that you love (and look forward to!).

But how can you tell?

Here are ten signs you need a career change…

#1 Sunday night dread

This doesn’t just affect just Sunday night but can impact on any evening before you are due to go to work in the morning. If you work a Monday to Friday job and slump on a Sunday evening on the sofa, dreading what Monday will bring, it may be time to look at making a change. More importantly, if you lose sleep over work, the time has REALLY come for a change.

#2 Your future – full of promotions or murky, dim and full of menacing shadows

Is it a job or a career? There is a fine line between the two. Some people seem happy to turn up. Do their thing and go home, confident that at the end of the month they can pay the bills. If, however, you want something more – like a promotion or a career ladder to make your way up – and your current job is not offering these chances, maybe this is enough to convince you to look elsewhere.

#3 The passion is gone

Work is a relationship. When the passion is gone and the va-va-voom non-existent, then the soul-sucking starts. The feeling of being stuck, being used and of no real future in it makes you feel degraded and unchallenged. The time has come to change… and we are only reason number 3!

#4 Feeling undervalued

When you feel undervalued the outcome is obvious is all to see – de-motivation. It is the key cause of someone feeling rubbish about what they do, feeling they achieve little and that frankly, if they didn’t turn up tomorrow, it really wouldn’t matter.

#5 Trapped

This can be a physical sense as well as a psychological one, and being stunted by not being able or allowed to grow in your role. It may be that you are doing a disservice to yourself by sticking with something that is essential, unfulfilling. Isn’t it time you tap into your true worth?

#6 Just soul-sucking all round…

Some workplace cultures are created when management are not transparent, with one false promise after another. The truth is, some workplaces are just not healthy work environments, and the negative impact of this on you and your emotional well-being is not to be underestimated. Unless you are seriously in love with your workplace, it is time to hot-foot it out of there.

#7 Dragging-clock syndrome

We all know the agony of watching the clock tick slowly by. Every passing minute seems to last for hours and hours. Constant boredom kills passion, motivation and any sense of self-respect that you started your job with. If your eight-hour shift is passing so very s-l-o-w-l-y, the time has come…

#8 The pay is rubbish

In some cases, low pay is part and parcel of economic conditions, but some people find that when they compare their rate of pay with that of others in the same or similar role with another employer, they find that their rate of pay is incredibly low.

#9 The green-eyed monster

When you hear the joys expressed by friends or family as they talk about work, do you mask your envy with a wide grin? If so… you know the drill.

#10 You no longer recognize yourself

When work is a source of an identity crisis, there should be no other reason that you need to start looking for a new job. But rather than heading for the same old job, doing the same old thing, why not consider re-training with a home learning course?

———-

David is a marketing assistant who works for NCC Home Learning. NCC Home Learning offer a range of home learning courses that can propel you from a job to a career. Better still, they offer incredible support packages that make learning from home even easier. Making learning fun again is key for many students, something that many find is part and parcel of working with a leading online home learning course provider such as NCC.

You’ve read 10 Signs You Need a Career Change, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading The 4 Key Concepts For Improving Your Sleep, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Sleep is an essential component of maintaining both good mental and physical health. Many of us however seem to neglect this aspect of our health, opting to cram as much into our day as possible. In this 24/7 society that we have created for ourselves is it any wonder that sleep patterns are more disrupted than ever?

Sleep problems come in all shapes and sizes. Some find it impossible to fall asleep in the first place. Whilst others suffer the frustration of waking multiple times during the night. The resulting effect is the same – a feeling of exhaustion, helplessness and loneliness. This can easily spiral into other mental health issues.

Countless doctors’ appointments are taken up because of sleep disorders. Patients come in expecting a quick fix for their sleeping problems, asking for sleeping pills to knock them out at night. What people do not realise is that these remedies are only a short term fix for the problem. They come with many side-effects and they quickly become addictive.

In order to help fall asleep at night and wake feeling well rested, we need to follow good sleep hygiene. Each of these tasks is easy to implement and performed enough times will improve the quality of your sleep dramatically. So what can you do today to improve your sleeping?

Create the Right Environment

Your bedroom should be a place of calm. It should be a place that your brain associates with getting restful sleep. In order for this process to occur, you need to ensure that you create right environment for sleep. Your room should be dark and there should be no electronic devices present. The temperature should be cool and therefore opening a window may be a good idea. Do not use your bed as a place to sit and do work. The bed is for sleep and sex, no other activity.

Have a Regular Sleeping Pattern

The time that you get up in the morning will vary from person to person. The average adult needs 7-8 hours of sleep every night in order to feel well rested. Say you decide that you need to wake up at 6.30 a.m. in order to be at work on time. Well, an 8 hour sleep would mean that you should be in bed by 10.30 in the evening.

Now to begin with you may find that getting into bed at 10.30 is too early and you lie there awake for a while, but after a few days your body will get used to it. You will fall asleep quicker and in no time waking up at 6.30 will seem like no trouble at all. You will be refreshed from a full nights’ sleep and still be able to get yourself to work on time.

It is important that you try and stick to this same sleep pattern every day, and this includes at the weekend. Lying-in makes it more difficult for you to sleep the next night and hence leads to the so-called ‘Sunday night insomnia’.

Follow a Bedtime Routine

By following the same 15-20 minute routine before bed, your brain will automatically start shutting itself down, ready for sleep. Put away all electronic devices such as phones and tablets, turn off the television and prepare yourself for going to bed. Pour yourself a hot drink, read a book and when you feel that your eyelids are heavy, settle down for a restful sleep. You will find that the more times you do this routine, the quicker your will drift off to sleep.

Take Part in a Daily Mindfulness Practice

When you have had a busy or stressful day, it can make it difficult to unwind at night. By taking some time out during the day to clear your head, you will find that sleep comes that much easier in the evening. Going for a short walk or sitting meditating for a few minutes can help you to cope with the stresses of day-to-day life and will leave you feeling more peaceful when it comes to going to bed. Although pre-bedtime meditation and yoga are always helpful, these activities will be much more beneficial if you have already tried to deal with difficult thoughts and feelings during the day.

Following these simple ideas, sleeping problems will eventually sort themselves out. It does take time, so do not be disheartened if you have a bad night. Just be patient.

———-

Fran is a junior medical doctor working in the South West of England. During her spare time she enjoys photography, running, yoga and writing. She currently runs a self improvement blog called Lists For Life. You can follow her on Twitter using the handle @Lists4life

You’ve read The 4 Key Concepts For Improving Your Sleep, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading 5 Steps to Make the Law of Attraction Work for You, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

 

The law of attraction is simple: Like attracts like. Positivity attracts positivity – so if that’s what you’re after, a good place to start is within. We all get it. But there’s another level I’ve been hoping to address with my latest project, Wishbeads, now live on Kickstarter.

I knew a dancer once who would compete around the country. Whenever she did well, she would wear her competition wristband from the previous event until the next competition date, as a reminder to practice. “It helps me stay focused,” she told me..

The reality is that life tends to get us mired in obligations and habits – so whenever we want to really create a change or go for a major goal, we need and benefit from powerful reminders. Wishbeads is a jewelry-making kit that allow women to write their wishes and turn them into paper beads, so they are ever-present each day.

But that’s just the beginning.

Once you’re clear on what you want, you have to stay focused. I also believe in the power of the law of attraction to inch and leap ahead – but how can you really “use” it, so it doesn’t just live out there like some existential concept or law? Let’s look at what it takes to put it into your life in the context of setting and achieving goals.

You can start by getting honest with yourself.

The dictionary defines “authenticity” as: The quality of being authentic. What is authentic? Something that is authentic is: real or genuine, not copied or false, and original. What’s authentic for you is different than what is authentic for another.

If you want to use the law of attraction in your favor, lying to yourself about whatever you want to attract – perhaps because you want to keep up with the neighbors you’re comparing yourself to, or you have some idea that if this relationship ends you’re unloveable, or you think you “need” this or that material thing to prove you’re successful – will not work. Inauthenticity creeps in slowly, and then leaves you in a spiral of striving for something you never really wanted in the first place.

The mirror of the world might confuse you – studies show that an angry or fearful face triggers the same emotion in another. But the science that supports the law of attraction (enter: mirror neurons) reminds us that you also get to be a mirror toward whatever you want. You’re surrounded by options – and you get to reflect back what you’re choosing.

The process for realizing any goal, dream or wish requires that you know what it is. Let’s look – what else needs to happen for you to wave your magic wand and cause results? Try these five steps.

Step 1: What do you really want? Look at yourself first and see if you can become aware of the ways your life and habits are or are not working for you. Take stock of how you are approaching or have approached that thing or goal before. Do away with any preconceived notions of how to get there or how long it will take, and just zoom in the camera lens of your heart and mind. What do you want? Be honest. Be authentic.

Step 2. Be imaginative. When was the last time you just sat still imaging what was possible? When was the last time you really visualized what you wanted and imagined what it would feel like, taste like, look like? Childhood goes on forever when we allow our imaginations to run wild. Give yourself the space and permission to wish. If you’re cynical inner voice tells you something negative, thank it for sharing and tell that little guy or gal to sit down. You’re bigger than every ordinary thought you have – and so is your imagination. Really make space for dreaming forward.

Step 3. Articulate and visualize with detail. In your ideal house, what color is the door? In your ideal career, how much free time do you have, how often do you travel? What kinds of people are around you – anyone specific? What will you really do once you’re debt-free? Once your company or idea gets off the ground – look for yourself at what other details will be to your left and right. A lack of specificity leaves one floundering in a sea of options, crippled by choice.

Boundaries actually create freedom – have you ever gone to a restaurant with a dietary limitation of some kind? It makes choosing that much easier. If I told you to paint anything, you might feel stuck. If I told you to make it 15 x 15 and only use red, blue and green – you’d suddenly have a world of options available that are much easier to choose from. The idea that specificity is limiting might be helpful in some other context – but in terms of writing down your goals, you want detail.

Step 4. Write it down. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said it best: “At the moment of commitment the entire universe conspires to assist you.” As soon as you are truly committed to your wish, give it a place to live – like on paper. It’s not alive in the world yet – but the ritual of writing it down can be a powerful exercise of focus and clarity. This is why vision boards are so popular (Pinterest for the win!). Make the picture clear for yourself.

I’m aware that “ritual” has an almost spiritual connotation – rituals are done with a soul-opening intentionality. I believe strongly in the power of writing down your plans and goals – it gives your authentic desires more opportunity to take form in the real world. And in the act of writing them, watch and see what opens up. Much like a songwriter shifts the pen from verse to verse and edits as they create – you will perhaps write and rewrite, and see new relationships between things on that page. Editing is good – it’s okay, and it’s part of the process.

This is where Wishbeads comes in. In less than 10 days of Kickstarter funding, women everywhere will be able to wear their wishes and goals as powerful reminders of what they’re actually out to achieve in the real world.

Step 5. Take meaningful action. The science shows that the area of the brain associated with intentions is closely connected to the areas associated with action – and they often fire up together. But intention doesn’t make the difference in the real world. Neither does thought or hopefulness – the impact in the physical realm comes from your physical actions.

Consider another law of the universe: linguistic phenomena can be altered by linguistic phenomena. As in, a conversation can be altered with a conversation. Yelling “move!” at a nearby chair or object won’t get it to go anywhere. But physical objects can be altered by other physical objects – and yes, that means you. Exert force and movement in the real world, and you’ll see your wishes come to fruition. Set deadlines for yourself (hint: deadlines are vital, they make your idea vital, and they’re important). Go for it with everything you’ve got.

To see an idea become physically real, when it never existed before, is proof of your power! To get how powerful you are, you must remember what you set out to achieve, focus and plan and write it down – and then act as much as possible. Honor your feelings, but whenever you feel down or stuck or disempowered, again tell your inner voice to be quiet, and ask yourself “what’s another action I can take?” to get where you’re going.

Your performance in the realm of “attraction” has much to do with being aware and attentive to how the world around you is supporting you, and seizing opportunities – but all of the real difference is made in the domain of action. In the words of the late, great Maya Angelou: “Nothing works unless you do.”

Ready to try Wishbeads? Get these beautiful jewelry kits to empower you in your goal-setting right now at Kickstarter! I can’t wait to see women everywhere engaging in creativity that adds meaning and intentionality to life, and empowers others to fulfill their desires, goals and wishes.

 

You’ve read 5 Steps to Make the Law of Attraction Work for You, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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