You’re reading Why Being a Lazy Manager Is a Good Thing, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
“Lazy” typically isn’t a word you’d like people to use when describing you, especially in the workplace. But guess what? Being lazy is a good thing!
As a manager, you want to help your employees. And that’s great — until it isn’t. When an employee comes to you with a problem, your tendency may be to jump in and offer advice. While your intentions are noble, you may end up helping where it isn’t needed or taking over the conversation altogether.
You go into rescuer mode, it’s understandable. You’re trying to add value and help out wherever you can. But at the end of the day, you’re exhausted because you’ve taken on more than you should have, and your team member is disheartened because responsibilities were taken away from them. You thought you were helping as best you could, but instead you limited their opportunities for growth and created a scenario of victim versus rescuer.
The easiest way to avoid this scenario is to, well, be lazy. Instead of swooping in with all the answers, ask questions. And especially, ask the laziest coaching question of them all: “How can I help?”
This is the laziest way to find out what your employee needs from you. By asking something like this, you force the person to decide what they need exactly — they might not even know yet themselves. (Often employees come to a manager with a problem, but the real issue is something completely different, which the employee realizes only after being asked what it is they want.) Alternatively, they know what they need and will tell you, in the hope that you’ll agree with whatever it is. Either way, asking the lazy question creates a win-win situation, as it results in a clear and direct request that will lead to the solution your employee is looking for.
By asking this lazy question, you avoid jumping in to help in the way you initially think is needed — no more rescuer mode! Asking questions is a self-management tool because it keeps you lazy and yet shows your curiosity.
Be lazy and also be blunt (which is ultimately the best way to be lazy). Just go for it. Ask your employee, “What do you want from me?” Of course, be mindful of how you say this, because not everyone will like this blunt version, but you catch my drift. Ask your employee, really, truly, “What can I do to help?”
It sounds easy, but it can be hard to resist the temptation to jump in and help someone, or to offer advice. However, in the end, you’ll find that asking the lazy question makes you more useful to those you manage, and it will help you work less hard and have more impact. I bet that after trying this out, you’ll agree that being lazy is a good thing after all.
For useful tips and tools for improving the way you lead, check out the Box of Crayons blog. We often share blogs like these:
7 Coaching Questions to Master
The Art of Being a Lazy Coach: The Debrief
Michael Bungay Stanier is Senior Partner of Box of Crayons, a company that helps organizations do less Good Work and more Great Work. It is best known for its coaching programs, which give busy managers practical tools to coach in 10 minutes or less.
Download free chapters of Michael’s latest book, The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever, here.
You’ve read Why Being a Lazy Manager Is a Good Thing, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
You’re reading Why Being a Lazy Manager Is a Good Thing, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
“Lazy” typically isn’t a word you’d like people to use when describing you, especially in the workplace. But guess what? Being lazy is a good thing!
As a manager, you want to help your employees. And that’s great — until it isn’t. When an employee comes to you with a problem, your tendency may be to jump in and offer advice. While your intentions are noble, you may end up helping where it isn’t needed or taking over the conversation altogether.
You go into rescuer mode, it’s understandable. You’re trying to add value and help out wherever you can. But at the end of the day, you’re exhausted because you’ve taken on more than you should have, and your team member is disheartened because responsibilities were taken away from them. You thought you were helping as best you could, but instead you limited their opportunities for growth and created a scenario of victim versus rescuer.
The easiest way to avoid this scenario is to, well, be lazy. Instead of swooping in with all the answers, ask questions. And especially, ask the laziest coaching question of them all: “How can I help?”
This is the laziest way to find out what your employee needs from you. By asking something like this, you force the person to decide what they need exactly — they might not even know yet themselves. (Often employees come to a manager with a problem, but the real issue is something completely different, which the employee realizes only after being asked what it is they want.) Alternatively, they know what they need and will tell you, in the hope that you’ll agree with whatever it is. Either way, asking the lazy question creates a win-win situation, as it results in a clear and direct request that will lead to the solution your employee is looking for.
By asking this lazy question, you avoid jumping in to help in the way you initially think is needed — no more rescuer mode! Asking questions is a self-management tool because it keeps you lazy and yet shows your curiosity.
Be lazy and also be blunt (which is ultimately the best way to be lazy). Just go for it. Ask your employee, “What do you want from me?” Of course, be mindful of how you say this, because not everyone will like this blunt version, but you catch my drift. Ask your employee, really, truly, “What can I do to help?”
It sounds easy, but it can be hard to resist the temptation to jump in and help someone, or to offer advice. However, in the end, you’ll find that asking the lazy question makes you more useful to those you manage, and it will help you work less hard and have more impact. I bet that after trying this out, you’ll agree that being lazy is a good thing after all.
For useful tips and tools for improving the way you lead, check out the Box of Crayons blog. We often share blogs like these:
7 Coaching Questions to Master
The Art of Being a Lazy Coach: The Debrief
Michael Bungay Stanier is Senior Partner of Box of Crayons, a company that helps organizations do less Good Work and more Great Work. It is best known for its coaching programs, which give busy managers practical tools to coach in 10 minutes or less.
Download free chapters of Michael’s latest book, The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever, here.
You’ve read Why Being a Lazy Manager Is a Good Thing, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
You’re reading Slay Stress: 4 Ideas For People Who Can’t Find Their Calm, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
Every night is the same thing…
You’re lying in bed, but you can’t sleep.
You try sleeping on your left side. You try sleeping on your right side. You try sleeping on your back. But still, you’re wide awake.
Too many things are going on in your life. You simply can’t shut down your mind.
Maybe your relationship is going downhill or your family is falling apart.
Maybe you owe more money than you make, and you’re worried about ending up living in a card box on the street.
Maybe you’re too busy and the pace of modern life is killing you.
But whatever your case is, you can’t cope with stress anymore.
And you may think the answer to stopping feeling this way is to keep your head down and solve your problems.
If you fix your relationship or find a better job or get your pending work done, you should feel more relaxed, right?
Well, yes and no.
Life is like a roller coaster. It has ups and downs. Even if you solve your current problems, more and more challenges will come in the future.
Thus, the answer lies not in solving your problems, but in learning to handle stress every time it seizes you.
And that’s exactly what this post contains. I’ll show you four original ideas to find the calm you’re looking for.
Admit it…sometimes you feel like kicking some butt. You’re so stressed and would love to pick a fight with a random stranger to let off some steam. I mean, blacken their eyes, bloody their nose, and kick them in the balls.
Now, if you expect me to say “Don’t do it,” I won’t. Few things are more crushing than swallowing your anger. If you can’t cope with it, you better let it go, somehow.
But before you start thinking I’m a juiced up jock who loves getting into random bar fights, let me explain my point.
Instead of fighting with random people on the street, visit your local gym. See if they offer some kind of fighting lessons—such as MMA or Boxing—and join the class.
Generally speaking, these places are safe, and you can fight with people at your “level.”
It’s a fantastic way to relieve some stress without ending up with a broken nose or leg.
For some strange reason, we seem to relax when we listen to the heavenly sound of rain.
Think about it. What’s more relaxing than sitting on your window seat cushion on a rainy day? The mere fact of witnessing this glorious show of nature seems to shut up our inner demons and help us find calm.
Now, wouldn’t be wonderful that every time you felt stressed, you could listen to the rain?
Now you can.
This free app from SimplyNoise allows you to switch on the sound of rain at any time, anywhere you go.
So next time you feel overwhelmed, put on your headphones and let the rain wash away your stress.
Every time you feel cornered by negative emotions, apply this simple exercise:
Step 1: Close your eyes and bring to your mind something that makes you happy. Anything you’re grateful for in life. It can be a good memory, a person, a thing, a job or whatever. If you’re genuinely thankful for it, it will work.
Step 2: Sharpen the image in your mind. Think about the details. How does it feel having this “thing” in your life? Does it make you feel happy? Or blessed? Or excited? Capture these feelings and try to make them vivid.
The point of this short exercise is to fill your mind with happy thoughts. If these thoughts are clear enough, you should start feeling more relaxed. So make sure to “sharpen” this mental image as much as you can.
“Simple,” You think, “But does it really work?”
The answer lies in understanding two things:
First, you can’t feel more than one emotion at a time. If you’re happy or excited or peaceful, you can’t feel stressed simultaneously.
And second, your thoughts dictate how you feel. If you think stressful things, you’ll feel stressed. If you stuff your brain with peaceful thoughts, you’ll feel more peaceful.
It’s that simple.
We live in a complex world.
Every day, we’re bombarded with a myriad of “micro” choices…
What outfit should I wear today? What do I want for breakfast? Should I get to work or just sit on my couch and watch some TV? Should I post a new status on my Facebook wall? Should I go to that party or get some rest? Whatever. You get the point.
At first glance, these questions seem harmless. But having to make so many decisions every day makes you accumulate stress (the price of modern life, huh?).
Now, minimalism can make your life way simpler. How? By emptying your life from all that unnecessary stuff.
Have a pair of shoes you don’t use? Why not give them to charity? Have a bunch of nonworking devices stored in your garage? Why not get rid of them? Why not get rid of your TV, by the way? Tough choice. I know. But if you think about it, you’ll realize you can live without it.
Label all your possessions with “I need it” and “I don’t need it,” and put all your garbage where it should be…in the trash can.
I promise. You’ll feel way better after that.
Stop for a moment and ask yourself:
“Am I willing to find my calm?”
You see, many people complain about how stressed they are. But when the time comes to do something about it, they hesitate. They aren’t willing to move from their comfort zone and take action.
And now it’s time to decide once and for all. Are you serious about supporting yourself in this journey?
If you’re serious, then pick one of the ideas you learned today, and apply it.
Because that’s the first step to turning your ugly life into a great one.
Andy Poncebot is on a lifelong mission to help people discover who they truly are and to make their empty, boring life, sparkle. Take his 9-question quiz: “What Ancient Mantra Better Fits Your Personality?” to learn more about yourself and see how a simple group of words can transform your life forever.
You’ve read Slay Stress: 4 Ideas For People Who Can’t Find Their Calm, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
You’re reading Slay Stress: 4 Ideas For People Who Can’t Find Their Calm, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
Every night is the same thing…
You’re lying in bed, but you can’t sleep.
You try sleeping on your left side. You try sleeping on your right side. You try sleeping on your back. But still, you’re wide awake.
Too many things are going on in your life. You simply can’t shut down your mind.
Maybe your relationship is going downhill or your family is falling apart.
Maybe you owe more money than you make, and you’re worried about ending up living in a card box on the street.
Maybe you’re too busy and the pace of modern life is killing you.
But whatever your case is, you can’t cope with stress anymore.
And you may think the answer to stopping feeling this way is to keep your head down and solve your problems.
If you fix your relationship or find a better job or get your pending work done, you should feel more relaxed, right?
Well, yes and no.
Life is like a roller coaster. It has ups and downs. Even if you solve your current problems, more and more challenges will come in the future.
Thus, the answer lies not in solving your problems, but in learning to handle stress every time it seizes you.
And that’s exactly what this post contains. I’ll show you four original ideas to find the calm you’re looking for.
Admit it…sometimes you feel like kicking some butt. You’re so stressed and would love to pick a fight with a random stranger to let off some steam. I mean, blacken their eyes, bloody their nose, and kick them in the balls.
Now, if you expect me to say “Don’t do it,” I won’t. Few things are more crushing than swallowing your anger. If you can’t cope with it, you better let it go, somehow.
But before you start thinking I’m a juiced up jock who loves getting into random bar fights, let me explain my point.
Instead of fighting with random people on the street, visit your local gym. See if they offer some kind of fighting lessons—such as MMA or Boxing—and join the class.
Generally speaking, these places are safe, and you can fight with people at your “level.”
It’s a fantastic way to relieve some stress without ending up with a broken nose or leg.
For some strange reason, we seem to relax when we listen to the heavenly sound of rain.
Think about it. What’s more relaxing than sitting on your window seat cushion on a rainy day? The mere fact of witnessing this glorious show of nature seems to shut up our inner demons and help us find calm.
Now, wouldn’t be wonderful that every time you felt stressed, you could listen to the rain?
Now you can.
This free app from SimplyNoise allows you to switch on the sound of rain at any time, anywhere you go.
So next time you feel overwhelmed, put on your headphones and let the rain wash away your stress.
Every time you feel cornered by negative emotions, apply this simple exercise:
Step 1: Close your eyes and bring to your mind something that makes you happy. Anything you’re grateful for in life. It can be a good memory, a person, a thing, a job or whatever. If you’re genuinely thankful for it, it will work.
Step 2: Sharpen the image in your mind. Think about the details. How does it feel having this “thing” in your life? Does it make you feel happy? Or blessed? Or excited? Capture these feelings and try to make them vivid.
The point of this short exercise is to fill your mind with happy thoughts. If these thoughts are clear enough, you should start feeling more relaxed. So make sure to “sharpen” this mental image as much as you can.
“Simple,” You think, “But does it really work?”
The answer lies in understanding two things:
First, you can’t feel more than one emotion at a time. If you’re happy or excited or peaceful, you can’t feel stressed simultaneously.
And second, your thoughts dictate how you feel. If you think stressful things, you’ll feel stressed. If you stuff your brain with peaceful thoughts, you’ll feel more peaceful.
It’s that simple.
We live in a complex world.
Every day, we’re bombarded with a myriad of “micro” choices…
What outfit should I wear today? What do I want for breakfast? Should I get to work or just sit on my couch and watch some TV? Should I post a new status on my Facebook wall? Should I go to that party or get some rest? Whatever. You get the point.
At first glance, these questions seem harmless. But having to make so many decisions every day makes you accumulate stress (the price of modern life, huh?).
Now, minimalism can make your life way simpler. How? By emptying your life from all that unnecessary stuff.
Have a pair of shoes you don’t use? Why not give them to charity? Have a bunch of nonworking devices stored in your garage? Why not get rid of them? Why not get rid of your TV, by the way? Tough choice. I know. But if you think about it, you’ll realize you can live without it.
Label all your possessions with “I need it” and “I don’t need it,” and put all your garbage where it should be…in the trash can.
I promise. You’ll feel way better after that.
Stop for a moment and ask yourself:
“Am I willing to find my calm?”
You see, many people complain about how stressed they are. But when the time comes to do something about it, they hesitate. They aren’t willing to move from their comfort zone and take action.
And now it’s time to decide once and for all. Are you serious about supporting yourself in this journey?
If you’re serious, then pick one of the ideas you learned today, and apply it.
Because that’s the first step to turning your ugly life into a great one.
Andy Poncebot is on a lifelong mission to help people discover who they truly are and to make their empty, boring life, sparkle. Take his 9-question quiz: “What Ancient Mantra Better Fits Your Personality?” to learn more about yourself and see how a simple group of words can transform your life forever.
You’ve read Slay Stress: 4 Ideas For People Who Can’t Find Their Calm, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
You’re reading The Good Fight – How to Get Closer Through Conflict, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
Fighting in a relationship is not a big problem. How you fight with a mate or a friend is the real issue. John Gottman’s research shows arguments and perpetual issues are healthy in committed relationships as long as couples know how to resolve difficulties as they arise. If you are authentic and honest, you will disagree with your partner, get hurt and be angry at times. Working through hurt and anger are the pathway for true intimacy.
Couples that report high satisfaction in their relationships know how to work with the inevitable ruptures or disagreements that come up from time to time. These couples can find humor in the reoccurring themes of their arguments.
On the other hand, making a wall out of anger leads to distance and contempt. Bad habit fighters rarely feel they have resolution or closeness from conflict. They usually live in a world of emotional bruises that never seem to heal.
Using five or more of these tactics mans you are eroding healthy relationships and need to learn the good fight. It’s never too late to learn better communication. Here are the signs:
Good fight tactics all involve one premise: being close than right. Unfortunately, most people have been taught they must fight to win. Winning means losing love.
The good fight is a fight for love instead of righteousness. A battle for true understanding instead of revenge and a struggle for authentic revelation instead of defensive competition.
You’ve read The Good Fight – How to Get Closer Through Conflict, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
You’re reading The Good Fight – How to Get Closer Through Conflict, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
Fighting in a relationship is not a big problem. How you fight with a mate or a friend is the real issue. John Gottman’s research shows arguments and perpetual issues are healthy in committed relationships as long as couples know how to resolve difficulties as they arise. If you are authentic and honest, you will disagree with your partner, get hurt and be angry at times. Working through hurt and anger are the pathway for true intimacy.
Couples that report high satisfaction in their relationships know how to work with the inevitable ruptures or disagreements that come up from time to time. These couples can find humor in the reoccurring themes of their arguments.
On the other hand, making a wall out of anger leads to distance and contempt. Bad habit fighters rarely feel they have resolution or closeness from conflict. They usually live in a world of emotional bruises that never seem to heal.
Using five or more of these tactics mans you are eroding healthy relationships and need to learn the good fight. It’s never too late to learn better communication. Here are the signs:
Good fight tactics all involve one premise: being close than right. Unfortunately, most people have been taught they must fight to win. Winning means losing love.
The good fight is a fight for love instead of righteousness. A battle for true understanding instead of revenge and a struggle for authentic revelation instead of defensive competition.
You’ve read The Good Fight – How to Get Closer Through Conflict, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
You’re reading 6 Ways to Embrace Jealousy, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
“Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.” – Unknown
In Mandarin Chinese, “a vinegar jar” is referred to as a person with a jealous nature.
As a recovering perfectionist and an overachiever, taming jealousy has been one of my biggest challenge on the self-discovery journey.
Truth be told, I had been a giant “vinegar jar” all my life ever since I was little. The tiniest situation with minimal threat could spark like a matchstick and prompt a strong, acidic inner fire running through my veins in just a second. It’s like having a built-in radar that can detect any level of external competition going on in the air…
“Why can she deserve all the attention and love?!”
“Life’s not fair. I work my heart out also, why can’t I get to that same level?!”
“She’s just born lucky…”
It can go on and on…
Almost all of us have experienced jealousy at varying degrees at one point or another. And It’s part of being human to experience different emotions. It’s normal to get jealous at people for the things we don’t have yet. But, often, it causes most of the drama in life. The need to measure up can really get into our psyche and make us act bizarrely when we don’t allow ourselves to process this awkward emotion. As a result, it sabotages our relationships with others.
For the sake of looking better than how we really feel inside, we either stuff that jealousy inside or let it turns into resentment. Either way, we are not getting more compensated emotionally. We become unauthentic towards how we truly feel and what we want to express.
It’s easier said than done. We are still living in a world of separation. Celebrating for other’s success isn’t a natural behavior in this social structure where we honor outstanding performance through constant competition. But the fact is that we are oneness. When we enable ourselves to celebrate other’s achievements with genuine blessings and open-heartedness, we are at the receiving end as well.
As human, we tend to rate our work-in-progress with other brilliant performers who share similar talents or gifts. It’s important to remind ourselves not to fall into the comparison trap so we can focus on honing in our crafts and skills with a growth mindset.
Practice makes proficient, not perfection. When we are aiming to be perfect, it’s easy to dwell on the need to be better and start beating ourselves up for being inadequate.
Every single one of us is born unique and special in so many different ways. The biggest difference is how much people allow themselves to appreciate and embody their own gifts and talents without getting into the subconscious competition mode. There is only one You. The innate traits in you are non-duplicable.
When you are willing to be comfortable in your own skin, and not to judge yourself by the social norms, you allow the true self-confidence to shine from within unapologetically.
The fact that it’s so hard to celebrate other people’s success is because of our inner longing for the same thing that we don’t seem to have physically.
We are energetic beings. When things are really distant from your energy field, you don’t perceive them. But, when you perceive something that stirs up the jealousy in you, it actually means that you are drawing the things approaching your field. Instead of seeing the things as you don’t have them, start looking at it as “the things you want is coming closer to you.”
A mantra: “The more I celebrate for people’s success, the luckier I get.”
We need to consciously heal this part of us that are coming from a place of lack. Deep down, we are yearning to be more of who we are. More successful. More empowering. More purposeful in life. More authentic. More self-honoring.
When you feel the wave of jealousy coming at you, it’s a great opportunity, to be honest with yourself. If the feeling sustains you, or it drains you.
Daily gratitude is the best tool to heal the scarcity in you. You can use sticky notes to put the word, gratitude everywhere to remind you to count the blessings so your heart can feel nourished.
The more you are grateful for what you have, the more it comes to you. Don’t go into jealousy for what other people have because that is a block. You tell the Universe that this is what you don’t have.
A negative comment can be a form of jealousy. We can develop more compassion towards the situation when receiving negative judgments from other people. Empathy is an awesome healer. Realizing that you probably have something (e.g., physical possessions, talent or gifts) people “desire to have,” and they don’t yet find the way to have it.
It’s important not to let in these energies as they don’t belong to you. They are merely the projection onto you from others. Understand where these comments are originated from, but continue to believe in yourself and march towards your dreams and goals instead of being hindered.
Rather than focusing on the negative vibe that jealousy can put on you, look at it as an opportunity to express your vulnerability. Where is this emotional flare-up coming from? Is there an underlying fear of loss, abandonment, judgment?
When we give ourselves permission to talk about the deeper feelings behind jealousy, we become more honest and open with not only ourselves, but it supports us build relationships with greater intimacy.
Jen Yang is a Self-Love catalyst, an empath, and a recovering perfectionist. She is passionate about supporting busy professional women to tune into their own feminine power, to feel confident and enthusiastic about their life, relationships, and work, and to claim back their worth.
Website: http://ift.tt/2iGUjVC
You’ve read 6 Ways to Embrace Jealousy, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
Sig Nordal 