You’re reading How to Spot and Support your Spouse through Depression, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
John* had seemed less like himself lately, and his wife Celeste* had started to notice. He laughed less, and when he was at home all he wanted to do was sleep. They had only been married for a few years, so it was very noticeable when John’s libido suddenly went down the drain.
Celeste wondered, what happened to her once happy-go-lucky husband? The guy who used to be the life of the party now just went to work, school, and hardly did anything else. She grew concerned. When she would ask him what was wrong, he would just shrug his shoulders. After a while, she took her concerns to a family member, who was a retired therapist. The therapist recommended that Celeste talk to John and help him get in to see someone.
Through talking to his doctor, John realized that he in fact was depressed. In the process, he also realized that a traumatic event that happened to a family member triggered his downward spiral, and then everything else in his life seemed overwhelming to the point of debilitating. Once the family member was better, and John had worked through his emotional issues, his depression eventually dissipated.
Along the way, Celeste was a big support to John. She tried to give him space when he needed it, but she also reminded him often that she would be happy to talk to him about anything. Sometimes while driving around town, when John seemed to be more emotionally ready, they talked about his feelings. She tried to take the burden off of his shoulders as much as she could. In the end, the couple grew closer through the experience.
Depression is a very real mental illness and can be very serious. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, major depressive disorder affects over 14 million American adults; it is more common in women, and the median age for adult depression is around 32 years old—though it can happen at any age. Some people develop depression after a specific event, and others develop it for seemingly no reason at all. Sometimes depression resolves after a period of time, and still others battle it for their entire lives.
It’s hard when it happens to you, and it’s hard when it happens to your spouse. Sometimes the change is gradual, so you may not connect the dots at first. But then one day it hits you—something’s very wrong. As that person’s spouse, you are the one who can best spot changes in their moods or behavior, and you are the first person who can support them in getting the help they need.
Here are ways to spot depression in your spouse and what to do about it:
Know the Warning Signs
If your spouse has any of the following symptoms (info from the May Clinic), he or she could have depression:
What to Do if You Think your Spouse has Depression
One the first reactions we might have when we realize our spouse has depression is to ask: Why? It is an innocent question; after all, we are just trying to make sense of it all because we love our spouse. But the question can rarely be answered in a clear cut way. So try not to ask why, because the answer doesn’t always matter. Simply ask, what can I do to help?
First and foremost, if your spouse is in danger of harming himself or herself, call 911 or take your spouse to the emergency room.
If you are on the fence about what you are noticing, then the next step is to talk to your spouse. Timing is key here. You don’t want to bring up this touchy subject when your spouse is not in a state of mind to listen or deal with it. So watch for a good opportunity. Perhaps you can get a babysitter and take your spouse out on Saturday night; after dinner and a movie, when your spouse is more relaxed, ask how he or she is doing. Really listen with your ears and eyes. Then softly point out the things you have noticed. Help your spouse feel loved in that moment.
The next step is to urge your spouse to see his or her medical doctor just to talk about it. Many people dislike going to the doctor, unless they are in major physical pain. Point out that this is a similar issue, but it is emotional pain. Help them realize it isn’t their fault, but they can do something about it. Perhaps they will or won’t need medication, or perhaps talking to a therapist will help.
Here are a few ways to support your spouse through depression:
Learn Everything You Can About Depression
Read as much as you can about it, talk to doctors about it, go with your spouse to appointments and ask questions, ask others for their personal stories, join a Facebook group of people with spouse with depression, etc. These are just some of the ways you can learn about the mental illness that is plaguing your spouse. Not everyone experiences depression in the same way, so realize that your spouse’s battle won’t be the same as the ones you read about.
Notice Triggers and Try to Reduce their Burden
In the story of John and Celeste, once they realized that his depression started due to a family member’s traumatic event, it was easier to talk about his feelings. After that, Celeste also noticed John’s triggers for negative feelings. If something went wrong at work, or he had a looming deadline in a class, or he didn’t get enough sleep, John’s depression would get worse quickly. So she always checked up on how things were going at work and listened to his concerns, she helped him with his assignments for school, and she took care of more things around the house so he could rest more.
Always Offer a Hopeful Outlook
A depressed person has a mental illness. It’s not their fault, but they will feel that there is something wrong with them. They will feel as if everyone is judging them. Try to help your spouse feel your support every day. Give them a hopeful outlook. Reassure them that everything will be ok. Sometimes, all you can do is hold your spouse and stroke their hair. Perhaps some days won’t be good. But tell your spouse that you aren’t going anywhere, no matter what. Your presence will give them hope.
Encourage Your Spouse to Continue Self Care
It can be hard for someone with depression to believe that they can get out of it. Some days, they don’t even have the motivation to get out of bed, let alone take the steps necessary to get better. Always encourage your spouse to keep doctor or therapy visits—drive your spouse there if need be, and sit with them in the waiting room. Encourage your spouse to take any prescribed medication—pick up the prescription if need be. Also encourage your spouse to do the things they once loved, and to get out and do things even if they don’t feel like it.
Depression won’t magically disappear overnight. It can take months, years, or it may never fully go away. The important thing is to know the signs, and support your spouse in the way he or she needs. In sickness and in health, you two are a team. You lean on each other during the hard times. When a spouse has depression, it can be a hard time, but your support will make all the difference.
*Names have been changed.
You’ve read How to Spot and Support your Spouse through Depression, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
You’re reading 5 Motivators to Keep You Working Toward Your Dreams, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
Do you have a dream that has been with you for years? If so, what have you done recently to work toward it? Are you continuing to pursue it, or have you allowed your ambitions to be forgotten? Unfortunately, this is quite common, as many people have big dreams that they never actually pursue. These dreams are completely unique, and they could be starting your own business, pursuing a career in music, or traveling to an exotic destination. If you never take a risk, you’ll never enjoy the reward, so it is crucial that you never give up on your dreams.
Do you have any decisions that you regret in life? Do you ever wonder how your situation may have been different if you had made a different decision? Perhaps it was turning down an acceptance to college to stay home and work or not asking a special person in your life out on a date. That nagging feeling of what could have been could eat away at you for years after you give up on a dream.
The way that you avoid that sad and uncomfortable feeling is to always keep trying and working toward your dreams. You don’t have to make a huge effort every day, but you should sit down to make a plan that consists of small and manageable steps that can help you work toward what it is that you want to achieve in life. Little by little, you can create a path that will eventually help you to reach your goals.
For most dreams, it isn’t just a matter of the final goal. There will be other successful stepping stones along the way that you can reach. You can celebrate small achievements, as these small victories can help to drive you to your next goal. It is only a matter of time until your dream will finally be realized.
Celebrating small successes is a great way to keep you motivated to keep on the right track. Many businesses utilize this method to keep employees encouraged when working toward a major milestone. Organizations may also utilize after dinner speakers like Buzz Aldrin in order to help light a fire under them to keep moving forward.
When working toward any goal, there will be naysayers that try to bring you down. Don’t give them the satisfaction of watching you give up on your dreams. You can prove them wrong, so don’t allow negative people to infiltrate your confidence or your life. Whether this is a family member, friend, or colleague, these negative influences will thrive on sowing seeds of doubt within your mind, and by moving forward anyways and achieving your dream, victory and success will feel even sweeter.
Failure is often the reason that many people choose to abandon their dreams, but it can actually be quite beneficial. You may not know that failure is one of thebest ways that we can grow and learn, and even the most successful people have failed several times before they were able to achieve what they wanted out of life. For example, Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team, and Thomas Edison failed a thousand times before he successfully invented the light bulb. Setbacks will give you the encouragement that you need to push forward and to keep working toward your goals.
Think about the people in your life that look up to you. Maybe this is a younger sibling or you have children, or perhaps you volunteer with an underprivileged population. Even your own peers could look to you to get inspiration, so if you have a dream, keeping at it and not allowing anything to stand in your way will set a great example that those people can do anything, as well.
Consider how you want your family to remember you. Do you want your children to think of you as someone who abandoned their dreams to simply sit back and watch others succeed, or do you want to be remembered for your passion for life? By following your dreams and never giving up, you’ll teach future generations exactly what it means to succeed.
Remember that it is never too late to pursue your dreams. Regardless of how many times you have failed in the past, how old you are, or how long it has been since you’ve last worked toward achieving your dream, there is always time to pick it back up and work toward your goal. By making a small effort to get your dream back on track today, you’ll enjoy a wealth of success in the future.
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Shezagary has been a Project Strategist since 2009 and also involved in the launching of startups and tech companies in New York for over 5 years. She has keen interest in writing her own experiences about business plans and upcoming business supporting technologies. She loves public speaking.
You’ve read 5 Motivators to Keep You Working Toward Your Dreams, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.
Sig Nordal 