“The common denominator I found in every single interview is we want to be validated. We want to be understood.” –Oprah Winfrey

Your stories—how you look at money, your interpersonal relationships with other people and your belief system—could be the reason why you feel invisible and unheard. Learning the complex relationship between each will help you to become more aware about why you feel invisible. This is the first step towards being seen and being more present in the world.

The Money Story

When you were growing up and wanted new clothes or new toys, did your parents ever say to you, “I have no money”?

Or whenever you wanted to buy something, did they say, “Why would you buy that!” with the subtext that you’re really just wasting money?

Perhaps even when you bought your own things, they still asked, “How much was that?” like they had to pay for it themselves.

I grew up hearing all of these things and more.

When you dig deeper, there’s often more to the story than just money. For example, when they asked, “How much was that?” your parents thought they were doing good by teaching you not to waste of money.

But they were actually doing a greater harm. Whether they knew it or not, they were really making you feel guilty and shameful about trying new things. The superficial result is you became guilty about spending money.

Overtime, it became easier to use money as an excuse on why you’re not taking chances and taking advantage of new opportunities. To be seen fully in this world as our truest selves often means taking chances.

The Other Part of the Story

“You’re a nobody. You’re worthless!” These were the stories my grandmother would frequently tell me.

“You’re so stupid. What are we ever going to do with you?” was another common one.

And I believed her.

Alongside these criticisms, I was constantly incurring the wrath of my grandfather. He hated me and would constantly berate me, especially around the dinner table. This happened the entire time I was eating. The mental abuse was so great that I would have acid reflux disease for the first 30+ years of my life, until I finally drew the connection that meal times were stressful times.

I would try to be invisible so as to avoid his wrath, but it never worked. The more I tried to stay out of his way, the angrier he seemed to get with me.

But my habit of staying invisible became an unconscious part of me. I also felt invisible whenever I went shopping. It didn’t matter if I was at the clothes store, car dealer, or at a restaurant waiting to be served. A lot of times, it just seemed like the staff was ignoring me.

I didn’t like being treated like I was a nobody, especially if I was going to spend money there. Yet, I kept wondering why this was happening over and over.

Connecting the Dots…

Here’s the real kicker: Are you invisible because of your money beliefs, meaning that because you grew up with nothing, you felt like you were nothing, especially because you had nothing?

Or was it more because of how your parents and grandparents treated you? For example, did they say you were useless, a nobody, and will never amount to anything?

All this typically translates to needing to feel invisible in order to continually validate those stories!

Eventually, I realized I was hiding, both from my grandfather and from the sales people because growing up, I was nothing and had nothing. So, why would anyone think it was worthwhile to talk to me?

The Upside

Being treated like you’re invisible is a welcoming contrast and can also bring good things into your life. But only if you decide it is, then do the work.

It has helped me to become more assertive (not aggressive…there’s a difference!). Being assertive increases your self-esteem and your self-image.

You can only grow as far as the image you hold of yourself.

This in turn increases your self-confidence, helping you to go after what you want. After all, one of the determinants of feeling invisible is the lack of confidence. We fear that what we do and say do not matter to other people.

For another, you learn how to ask. Many people are afraid of asking because they are afraid of the answer “no”. On average, you learn that it takes several noes to get to yes. For instance, there was the time I was rejected three times before the hotel would finally honor a price-match guarantee. But it was worth my while because I saved over 40%! Had I not worked on myself and improved my self-confidence, I would have given up after the first rejection.

Being empathetic, you also learn to treat everyone you meet with more compassion and respect.

Most importantly, as you start examining why you feel invisible you will discover why you have been feeling certain things and holding certain memories your entire life. These are recurrent themes in our lives. Playing it safe is a major reason most people tip-toe from the cradle to the grave, hoping to make it safely in one piece. Is there anything sadder than this?

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Benson Wong is the Money Freedom Guy. Having achieved financial freedom, he’s interested in serving others so that they may also achieve financial freedom themselves. If you want to learn more, Get Your Free eBook, Align With the Energy of Money.

You’ve read Here’s Why You Really Feel Invisible, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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In a world full of distractions, it’s become increasingly important to learn how to detach ourselves from all the surrounding “buzz” and become more present. In fact, we owe it to ourselves to pause once in awhile and take in all that life has to offer.

Do you ever find yourself sitting down to write an email, and then you get a sudden urge to check your Facebook? Scrolling your newsfeed turns into browsing YouTube videos and before you know it, an hour has passed until you finally realize you still haven’t written that email.

We live in such a fast paced world and with all the noise that surrounds us, it’s become quite difficult to stay present.

Most of us are aware of the benefits of paying attention to the world around us. However, when it comes to putting it into practice we don’t know where to begin. If you’re looking for stress reduction, increased productivity, higher quality relationships, and more happiness here are five ways to live in the moment.

Breathe

Stopping to breathe, even for a few moments, allows you to check in with yourself and tap into your intuition. The more you can harness your intuition the more conscious you will become allowing yourself to make clearer decisions. Your breathing is also always in the present moment.

Limit notifications

Technology is an excellent tool when used properly, but it easily becomes distracting. Make it a priority to determine which notifications are important and turn off the rest. An overwhelmed mind is not a present mind.

Step away from the noise

Limiting your notifications is the perfect first step, but imagine yourself away from your devices for an hour. If you’re a millennial like me this might be hard to imagine, but just think for a second, our parents and their parents never had all of these distractions.

Once you get past the need to know what’s going on in everyone else’s life, you allow yourself to focus on what’s going on in yours.

Go outside

When is the last time you really went outside? I’m not talking about walking to and from your car when you leave the office. Think back to your younger years.

Do you remember that sense of joy you felt as a child running your fingers through a patch of grass? Or the feelings of happiness when you tried to make shapes out of clouds. It’s no surprise that connecting with nature can increase your happiness.

Focus on the details

We get so caught up in our response that sometimes we fail to listen. Whether it’s a conversation with a loved one or listening to the birds chirping while sipping your morning coffee focus on the intricacies each situation offers.

The beauty of being present is that when we’re focused on the now, our fears disappear, we can ignore outside distractions, and we make decisions that are based off of what we care about the most.

After overcoming a medical trauma, Gary has been inspiring others to overcome their challenges. For more inspiration and to learn more about his story, visit laughatadversity.com

You’ve read 5 Ways to Become More Present Everyday, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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This was created by Virginia Spine Institute

Dr. Thomas Schuler, founder of the Virginia Spine Institute, and named among the 100 Best Spine Surgeons and Specialists in America, is a recognized leader in the treatment of spine disorders.  Dr. Schuler has revolutionized spinal healthcare in the Washington D.C.

Mindfulness refers to bringing one’s complete attention to the moment without judging one’s thoughts. In my psychiatry and coaching practice, many people benefit significantly from it. It helps them clear their mind and focus on the present. When they are mindful, they are simply observing sensations, thoughts, and bodily states with openness, curiosity, and acceptance.

It’s not surprising that my patients and clients find it beneficial. After all, the practice of mindfulness has been found to be helpful in preventing depression and in improving anxiety and reactivity to stress. It may also be helpful for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and it may boost immunity and prolong life.

Despite these advantages, mindfulness research has come under criticism because the quality of research is hampered by methodological flaws. Although there are people who benefit from mindfulness, for some, it is disorienting, stultifying, and confusing, and it may make them feel distant from their own humanity. Moreover, recent research has shown that mindfulness may have some other disadvantages:

1. False memories
A recent study found that mindfulness may increase false memories, though this finding was subsequently challenged in another study in December 2017. If there is truth to this finding, it would suggest that mindfulness does not necessarily help us remember more effectively and may make our memories less accurate. In fact, the first study showed that people who practice mindfulness may be less connected to reality.

On the other hand, mind-wandering is better than mindfulness in preventing false memories, so it might help to balance your mental practice by adding different forms of mind-wandering into your day.

2. Less creativity
Although mindfulness has been found to be helpful for problems requiring analytical thinking (it clears the mind), greater states of mindfulness have been associated with lower states of creativity.

Mindfulness does not help you when solving a problem requires insight. Instead, mind-wandering will likely help you become more creative. Once again, because mind-wandering shuts mindfulness off, it effectively shuts off the creative brain. Positive constructive daydreaming, in particular, may help you if you are looking for creative insight into a challenge you face.

3. Dissociation, mania, and psychosis
A recent paper reported that meditation may, in fact, have negative side effects as well. It may lead to increased states of dissociation and feeling disconnected from one’s body. In addition, it may make people more psychotic, anxious, and manic.

While many of these studies were on unknown forms of meditation or transcendental meditation, mindfulness meditation was associated with dissociation, mania, double vision, and psychosis. However, most of these reports were case histories and not well-controlled research, so they probably matter most if you are already at risk for any of these symptoms.

4. Narcissism
To date, there are no studies that demonstrate that narcissism is a result of mindfulness. Yet mindfulness makes you feel better about yourself. Studies have demonstrated that there is a dark side to enhanced self-esteem as well.

In fact, having higher self-esteem may be associated with being more aggressive toward others, enhancing one’s self, and narcissism. Losing touch with the egoless dimensions of mindfulness may predispose one to have an air of superiority over others.

So should you practice mindfulness? 

As with all research, there are conflicting studies on the utility of mindfulness. This may dissuade some from believing the research altogether or persuade others to take one side or the other. When it comes to mindfulness, there are many more controlled studies attesting to its benefits than its risks. Yet if we are overly swayed by the benefits, we may not consider the possible risks.

Science is a great guide to answering important questions, such as “Is mindfulness helpful to you?” But you are still an individual. More and more, science itself is beginning to realize that every individual is different and that the perfect clinical trial is one that is done for any specific individual.

The overwhelming amount of research to date suggests that mindfulness is beneficial for depression, anxiety, stress, attention, and analytical problem-solving. If you are feeling dissociated, manic, or disconnected from reality, you might exercise some caution. If people are reporting that you are overconfident or inaccurate, consider that mindfulness may be contributing to this. And if you want to balance things out, consider adding mind-wandering to your day, too. It’s better for creativity and will likely help you deepen your mindfulness practice.

Srini Pillay, M.D., is the CEO of NeuroBusiness Group and the award-winning author of numerous books, including “Tinker Dabble Doodle Try: Unlock the Power of the Unfocused Mind,” “Life Unlocked: 7 Revolutionary Lessons to Overcome Fear,” and “Your Brain and Business: The Neuroscience of Great Leaders.” He also serves as an assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and teaches in the Executive Education Program at Harvard Business School.

You’ve read The 4 Disadvantages of Mindfulness, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You can`t grow without having a bad day every now and then. It`s inevitable. Or as multi-millionaire  Tom Bilyeu likes to call it, “You cannot remake yourself without suffering.”

Problems will be there, and part of being the toughest version of you is teaching yourself how to handle those moments/days better when they come. For that, I have made you a list of eight things to do when you have a bad day, all backed by science. Here they are:

Bad Day Tip#1: Examine your thoughts ASAP

Anytime you feel bad, the first right thing to do is to put your thoughts on paper. Your thoughts are very automatic, and fast —we experience between 50,000-70,000 thoughts per day— which means it will be difficult changing them unless you can catch them on paper.

So, when the going gets tough, get a pen and a paper, and jot down all the thoughts that are annoying you. You will immediately feel relieved, and this will be the first step to replacing them with more positive ones.

Bad Day Tip#2: Give what happened a positive spin

Disappointments will look bad once they take place. But no matter how sour they taste, they are here to serve you or teach you a lesson and the wise who knows how to see those lessons as soon as possible. Studies by Richard Wiseman found Lucky people are master reframers who can find the positive in any negative.

Another study by John Gottman found that when happy couples talk about their past together, they usually mention setbacks as incidents that brought them closer.

So, give yourself some time to cool down then start looking for the benefits of the negative situation. You can use it to learn tranquility. A problem is usually there to teach you something, so let it do its job.

Bad Day Tip#3: Accept full responsibility

Regardless of who has contributed to your bad day —a client, boss, or spouse— don`t blame or guilt-trip them, not because they don`t deserve it but because by blaming you give them control over you and make it hard for yourself to find a solution. Say your boss is a mean person who treats you poorly.

The first choice you have is victimizing yourself and blame your stars for working with such person. It may sound emotionally satisfying but blaming doesn`t offer a solution, and your problem will remain unchanged.

The second choice you have is to accept responsibility for the situation, and it will help you find a proper solution:

• You can learn how to handle him
• You can speak up for yourself and set some boundaries
• Maybe he somehow thinks you`re incompetent.
• You may talk directly to his boss
• And you may give a 30-day notice and look for another job.

Bad Day Tip#4: Don`t make things worse

Your down times are best times to test your self-discipline and persistence. When you have a bad day, it will sound soothing to grab that candy bar or light up a cigarette, but don`t give in to these temptations.

As soon as you finish that cigarette or candy bar, you will feel weak. And you will add a distorted self-image to your problems. Whenever you have a bad day, use your negative emotions to enforce a positive attitude instead of giving up to temptations.

Hit the gym, lift some weights or spend an hour on the treadmill. Exercising will release good hormones, make you feel well, and help you sleep better which is usually an excellent way to recover.

Bad Day Tip#5: Read some inspirational quotes

Motivation, like bathing, should be done daily. For this reason, I recommend you have a file with all your favorite quotes that you refer to when you feel bad. It will improve your state and help you look at the setback/challenge in a more positive way.

Bad Day Tip#6: Disconnect for a while

Take some time to relax and give your exhausted brain enough time to recover. Take a nap, read a book, go for a walk, listen to some uplifting music, meditate or do yoga. All these things will cool you down and, maybe, help you look at the situation from a better angle.

Bad Day Tip#7: Take a shower (preferably cold)

Cold showers can improve your blood circulation and sleep and force your body to process more energy and burn more calories. It`s also a great way to overcome depression.

According to several studies, cold showers may stimulate the brain`s blue spot which stimulates the secretion of Norepinephrine hormone and improves your mood.

Studies also linked cold showers to positive qualities among rats including more persistence and delayed symptoms of learned helplessness.

Bad Day Tip#8: Do whatever you can to smile

A 2013 study by the University of Warwick found that you can give productivity a 12-percent boost if you put a genuine smile on your face before going to work. I know it sounds silly to smile when you have bad a day but look at it as a challenge or invitation to change your state.

Try anything that is self-amusing; goof around with your kids, call a cheerful friend or watch a funny YouTube video. Any of these will make you feel, and work, better.

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Marwan Jamal is a fitness and health blogger at Healthline and a great fan of the gym and a healthy diet. He follows the trends in fitness, the gym, and a healthy life. He loves to share his knowledge through useful and informative articles.

You’ve read Get Over a Bad Day with 8 Easy Tips, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading Get Over a Bad Day with 8 Easy Tips, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

You can`t grow without having a bad day every now and then. It`s inevitable. Or as multi-millionaire  Tom Bilyeu likes to call it, “You cannot remake yourself without suffering.”

Problems will be there, and part of being the toughest version of you is teaching yourself how to handle those moments/days better when they come. For that, I have made you a list of eight things to do when you have a bad day, all backed by science. Here they are:

Bad Day Tip#1: Examine your thoughts ASAP

Anytime you feel bad, the first right thing to do is to put your thoughts on paper. Your thoughts are very automatic, and fast —we experience between 50,000-70,000 thoughts per day— which means it will be difficult changing them unless you can catch them on paper.

So, when the going gets tough, get a pen and a paper, and jot down all the thoughts that are annoying you. You will immediately feel relieved, and this will be the first step to replacing them with more positive ones.

Bad Day Tip#2: Give what happened a positive spin

Disappointments will look bad once they take place. But no matter how sour they taste, they are here to serve you or teach you a lesson and the wise who knows how to see those lessons as soon as possible. Studies by Richard Wiseman found Lucky people are master reframers who can find the positive in any negative.

Another study by John Gottman found that when happy couples talk about their past together, they usually mention setbacks as incidents that brought them closer.

So, give yourself some time to cool down then start looking for the benefits of the negative situation. You can use it to learn tranquility. A problem is usually there to teach you something, so let it do its job.

Bad Day Tip#3: Accept full responsibility

Regardless of who has contributed to your bad day —a client, boss, or spouse— don`t blame or guilt-trip them, not because they don`t deserve it but because by blaming you give them control over you and make it hard for yourself to find a solution. Say your boss is a mean person who treats you poorly.

The first choice you have is victimizing yourself and blame your stars for working with such person. It may sound emotionally satisfying but blaming doesn`t offer a solution, and your problem will remain unchanged.

The second choice you have is to accept responsibility for the situation, and it will help you find a proper solution:

• You can learn how to handle him
• You can speak up for yourself and set some boundaries
• Maybe he somehow thinks you`re incompetent.
• You may talk directly to his boss
• And you may give a 30-day notice and look for another job.

Bad Day Tip#4: Don`t make things worse

Your down times are best times to test your self-discipline and persistence. When you have a bad day, it will sound soothing to grab that candy bar or light up a cigarette, but don`t give in to these temptations.

As soon as you finish that cigarette or candy bar, you will feel weak. And you will add a distorted self-image to your problems. Whenever you have a bad day, use your negative emotions to enforce a positive attitude instead of giving up to temptations.

Hit the gym, lift some weights or spend an hour on the treadmill. Exercising will release good hormones, make you feel well, and help you sleep better which is usually an excellent way to recover.

Bad Day Tip#5: Read some inspirational quotes

Motivation, like bathing, should be done daily. For this reason, I recommend you have a file with all your favorite quotes that you refer to when you feel bad. It will improve your state and help you look at the setback/challenge in a more positive way.

Bad Day Tip#6: Disconnect for a while

Take some time to relax and give your exhausted brain enough time to recover. Take a nap, read a book, go for a walk, listen to some uplifting music, meditate or do yoga. All these things will cool you down and, maybe, help you look at the situation from a better angle.

Bad Day Tip#7: Take a shower (preferably cold)

Cold showers can improve your blood circulation and sleep and force your body to process more energy and burn more calories. It`s also a great way to overcome depression.

According to several studies, cold showers may stimulate the brain`s blue spot which stimulates the secretion of Norepinephrine hormone and improves your mood.

Studies also linked cold showers to positive qualities among rats including more persistence and delayed symptoms of learned helplessness.

Bad Day Tip#8: Do whatever you can to smile

A 2013 study by the University of Warwick found that you can give productivity a 12-percent boost if you put a genuine smile on your face before going to work. I know it sounds silly to smile when you have bad a day but look at it as a challenge or invitation to change your state.

Try anything that is self-amusing; goof around with your kids, call a cheerful friend or watch a funny YouTube video. Any of these will make you feel, and work, better.

---

Marwan Jamal is a fitness and health blogger at Healthline and a great fan of the gym and a healthy diet. He follows the trends in fitness, the gym, and a healthy life. He loves to share his knowledge through useful and informative articles.

You’ve read Get Over a Bad Day with 8 Easy Tips, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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