You’re reading 6 Ways To Deal With Rejection Positively, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

It is pretty much a given that all of us will have to face a lot of rejection, criticism and even ridicule at different times in our lives. If it is constant and happens for a long time, eventually it will lead to a situation where we start doubting our worth and our capabilities.

For people with low self esteem this is an even more grave issue as they may stop believing in themselves much sooner and thereby harm their prospects in the future. Even for people who have reasonable self confidence, getting criticized and ridiculed over and over again will sooner or later dent their self worth.

So what can one do in order to keep marching on despite ridicule and rejection? Well here are six tips that can be immensely useful.

1) Realize that there is a difference between facts and opinions.

A lot of things people say are opinions rather than facts. The difference between the two is that facts are universal, they hold true no matter what the condition. While an opinion is subject, it differs from person to person.

For example – The Earth is round is a fact (Even if you are a flat Earther!) Whether a person is good looking or not is an opinion.

Earth being round is a fact and it will continue being so until it is destroyed.

On the other hand if someone thinks you are not good looking, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you aren’t. Maybe you are attractive to another person or in a different culture.

Most of the problems people will have with you will be based on opinions not facts. Don’t let them bog you down.

2) Try to understand why the other person thinks the way they think.

Sometimes we confuse our own opinions with facts. We think that just because something is right in our opinion, everyone else should agree with it. Not the case.

You have to be willing to see things from the point of view of the other person. Sometimes you have to realize don’t fit in with the other person’s needs and you don’t have to take it personally.

Suppose you get rejected for an interview, try and get feedback. Also ask yourself whether you would truly hire someone like yourself. Do you truly fit in with the needs of the company. Most of the times you will realize there is a discrepancy between would the company needs and what you are giving them.

But maybe a different company is looking for exactly what you are able to give them. Don’t take things personally, keep moving forward!

3) Remind yourself of all the things you are good at.

Einstein once said that if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will go through its entire life thinking its stupid.

The main cause of people suffering from low self confidence which lowers further with ridicule or criticism is that they are only focusing on things that are not their strengths. Look, the fact is you can’t be great at everything, in fact you will probably suck at most things. But that doesn’t mean you are a failure because there are always a few things in the world which you are supremely talented at.

There is always one thing where you are the Guru and even the Gurus of the other fields will look up to you when it comes to that thing. When you introspect and find out that thing at which you are amazing, you will realize how special you are. You are immensely blessed!

4) Ask people to clarify why they rejected you.

This is one of the best ways in order to differentiate between facts and opinions. If someone’s logic for saying no to you is not validm, it will be evident with the kind of reasoning they use. If all they are making is excuses, they will not have a single valid concrete reason for saying no. If their reasoning does not make sense, there is no point to feel bad about it because they are saying no based on opinions not facts

If they have a valid answer, it is actually useful to you. Sometimes the brutally honest answer may even end up hurting you, but if it’s based on facts, correct it. If not, reject it. If you improve yourself based on the facts you hear, it will be incredibly useful to you in the future, even if it is not particularly present to hear in the present!

5) Stop Over thinking!

Once you have understood the reality of the situation and differentiated between what is true and what is not, you need to move on. Do not keep thinking about it or focusing on it beyond the point where the situation was under control or you were receiving valuable feedback. The more you give unnecessary attention to it, the worse the cycle of rumination will get. You may even fall into a cycle of depression if you don’t snap out of it quickly enough.

If you can move on quickly without wasting time on over thinking, you can then focus on productive things that will actually pay off in the future. Remember, that getting feedback and then taking action to correct the problem may help solve it but over thinking only complicates problems, it never solves them. Refocus on something else and don’t waste your time dwelling on negativity.

6) Realize that one can make you feel horrible or depressed unless you give them the power to do so.

Anything said by someone else is simply an arrangement of words and words do not mean anything unless you decide you want to give importance to what is being said. When you allow meaningless words to get inside your brain and choose to give importance to them, it is only then they can start bothering you and make you feel depressed. However, you can also consciously choose to deflect them and move on with your life.

Some of the most influential personalities have been humiliated and rejected. Edison was called mentally inept. Oprah Winfrey was called unfit for television. Amitabh Bachchan, the famous Bollywood actor was told that his voice sucked. Today it is his distinct deep voice that sets him apart from everyone else. Arnold Schwarzenegger was told, his accent was too weird. But he gained much attention in popular culture because of the same accent.

All of these people turned the attacks into them into motivation to prove their critics wrong and succeed. And succeed amazingly they did!

Conclusion.

I hope you have gained some useful information for this piece. Analyze what’s said and if they seem to be true then use that as useful information and make a positive change.

If they are mere opinions with no basis in reality or could differ from person to person, then ignore them and move on in the right direction with a determination to prove your critics wrong.

Finally, if there is one thing you should always keep in mind is that the world remembers the doors, not the people who threw stones at them.

Use people’s stones to build your staircase to success. Let them do what they do best, while you do what you do best. They will waste their time going green with jealousy while you shine in your success.

They will be forgotten, while the rest of the world will begin to look up to you. Remember that  one can pull you down when you are truly determined to climb high!

So what are you waiting for? Go create your  history!

—————-

Anubhav Srivastava is an author, speaker and the director of Carve Your Destiny, a first of its kind, comprehensive motivational movie on the principles of success. It has been seen on Youtube by a million people.  Visit Anubhavsrivastava.com for his inspirational blog for more great content and to watch the Film.

You’ve read 6 Ways To Deal With Rejection Positively, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading How to Never Quit Learning Something New, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

Learning something new is never easy.

We’re often comfortable with what we already know, and entering the unknown can make many of us feel uncertainty, whether we’re learning a new language, new sport, or activity.

But with the right resources, anyone of us can learn something new without quitting ever again. This is what we call overcoming “The Dip.”

Overcoming “The Dip”

Bestselling author and entrepreneur, Seth Godin shares when is the right time to quit something versus when we should persist. In his book, he talks about the most common reasons why most people quit before they reach their full potential, which can be very useful to know before it happens to you.

According to Godin, these are the five reasons why you might fail to overcome “The Dip.”

1. You run out of time (and quit)
2. You run out of money (and quit)
3. You get scared (and quit)
4. You’re not serious about it (and quit)
5. You lose interest (and quit)

You can apply these reasons to common situations, including learning a new language, starting your own business, or getting in shape.

As you follow the progression of the cycle one goes through while learning something new, you can see that the “Crisis” mode is the most significant, as it can lead to one of 3 moves:

1. You quit.
2. You accept the crisis and go through an extended crisis.
3. You re-construct, recover, and transform yourself to reach a higher standard than when you started.

As we continue our learning journey, “The Dip” is something we will continuously face. The faster we can get ourselves out of “Crisis” mode, and into “Transformation” mode will determine the potential of the talent we can reach at the skill.

How To Make It Stick When We Learn Something New

Mindset > Skills

You can have all the resources and skills in the world, but they’re not much without the right mindset.

Carol Dweck, who’s the bestselling author of Mindset, talks about what’s known as the Growth Mindset.

According to Dweck, humans can have one of two mindsets: Growth mindset or Fixed mindset. She differentiates the two here:

A “fixed mindset” assumes that our character, intelligence, and creative ability are static givens which we can’t change in any meaningful way, and success is the affirmation of that inherent intelligence, an assessment of how those givens measure up against an equally fixed standard; striving for success and avoiding failure at all costs become a way of maintaining the sense of being smart or skilled.

A “growth mindset,” on the other hand, thrives on challenge and sees failure not as evidence of un-intelligence but as a heartening springboard for growth and for stretching our existing abilities.

If you’re thinking about quitting or giving up, remember that you’re undergoing a process of growing, and struggle is part of the path to mastery.

Figure Out How You Learn Best

Just like you wouldn’t expect a basketball player to be the best juggler, we shouldn’t expect everyone to learn the same.

Some of us learn better by listening to an audio recording, while others would be bored out of their minds.

Studies have shown that there are seven main learning styles:

• Visual (spatial): You prefer using pictures, images, and spatial understanding.
• Aural (auditory-musical): You prefer using sound and music.
• Verbal (linguistic): You prefer using words, both in speech and writing.
• Physical (kinesthetic): You prefer using your body, hands and sense of touch.
• Logical (mathematical): You prefer using logic, reasoning and systems.
• Social (interpersonal): You prefer to learn in groups or with other people.
• Solitary (intrapersonal): You prefer to work alone and use self-study.

It’s safe to assume that the way you are learning today may not be your ideal way of learning, and that you should experiment for yourself what your best style of learning is.

For example, if you’re an adult, there’s exciting research that shows adults can be as good, if not better, than children at learning a language. This depends on the right learning method of adults, whether they use immersion versus memorization, and their ability to continue learning. One of the key explanations for this is that adults have more experience than children at understanding how we best learn something new, versus children who are only figuring it out.

Figure out how you learn best by recalling the moments when you retained the most information from a learning session, while experimenting and analyzing new styles of learning moving forward.

Learn By Doing

Think about how you learned how to ride a bicycle, swim at the pool, or learn your first language. You learned it by doing.

As we shared in our post on how to remember more, a study done by the National Training Laboratories Institute revealed that:

5% of what they learn when they’ve learned from a lecture (i.e. university/college lectures)
10% of what they learn when they’ve learned from reading (i.e. books, articles)
20% of what they learn from audio-visual (i.e. apps, videos)
30% of what they learn when they see a demonstration
50% of what they learn when engaged in a group discussion.
75% of what they learn when they practice what they learned.
90% of what they learn when they use immediately (or teach others)

Give yourself the best shot at learning faster and retaining more skill/information by completely immersing yourself in the activity, instead of relying on theory (i.e. books, videos, courses).

If you’re learning a foreign language, speak it with other native speakers.
If you’re learning how to program, learn it by creating your own website.
And so forth…

Summary

As for next steps, pick something hat you’ve been wanting to learn. Then refer to the 3 steps we shared in this post:

1. Mindset > Skills
2. Figure out how you learn best
3. Learn by doing

Follow-up reading recommendation:

• Complete Guide to Being More Persistent (And Never Quitting Again)
• How to Find More Time In Your Schedule to Learn Something New

You’ve read How to Never Quit Learning Something New, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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You’re reading 5 Reasons I Think About Death As Often As I Can, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’re enjoying this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

I think about death. A lot. On any given day, I consciously embrace my existential fate an innumerable amount of times. This usually occurs when I become aware of myself not being or living as I would like to be or live, in the sense that I’m not emulating the potential I would like to see in myself, or enjoying (or when that is not possible, dealing with) the life I have to live. Reminding myself that Death hovers over my shoulders waiting for his time to swoop me from this plane of existence allows me to remember that my time here is limited. And because it is limited, it is precious.

I don’t know why I’m here, if there even exists a why in the first place. I simply know that I am. And because I am, I have things to do. Death motivates me to do these things when I become apathetic and begin to procrastinate on my duties.

Here are five reasons (benefits) as to why I ponder on my death so much, and perhaps why you should too:

It’s inevitable

We’re going to die. This is a fact. When and how is irrelevant. It doesn’t really matter when and how one dies, because when it occurs, that is that. It’s over and done with.

As much as suppressing death may provide us temporary relief from our suffering, we cannot suppress that reality forever; we will come face to face with it one day.

What does matter however, is the effect of one’s life. When one dies, his life is sealed forever in the history of time; his contributions, deeds, victories, successes, creations become immortalized. This effect occurs when one is alive too, but for some reason, the effect’s influence increases exponentially when an individual passes away. It is this effect on the world which is so important. It is why writers are quoted, philosophies embraced, art admired, science and technology furthered decades after creation; because, as Newton once said, “If I have seen further than others, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.” Your life can help lead the way.

It fuels me to be my best self

I’ve described myself before to be a “momentary flicker of light”, like a candle lit in the dense immenseness of the universe. I want to live purely. I want to be a light unto this world. This is a difficult task because doing so requires work. The responsibility to be who I want to be rests solely upon my shoulders. Who will help me become pure but myself?

On some days, anger courses through my veins. On others, depression fills my heart. Today I may be miserable and tomorrow I may feel like giving up, but I will persist. I will persevere. I will continue to try.

I will strive towards perfection, towards excellence, towards purity. I will soothe my anger and fill my heart with faith. I will embrace my misery and use it as fuel to be better tomorrow.

I will master myself, transform myself. Because this world needs this from me, and perhaps more importantly, I deserve this from me.

It reminds me to live

I wrote about death once wherein I realized a very important notion about life. The reason we are so afraid to die (a status quo norm) is because we are so afraid to live.

When one vanquishes his fear of death by fully embracing and coming to terms with his destiny, he ceases to be held back from the “mental prison” he kept himself in for so long.

He is free from his fear of death, and so be embraces his responsibility and freedom to live.

But this responsibility scares most people because we’ve been conditioned to have weak and timid minds. This responsibility can be as scary as death for some people because it means that the life one lives is due to choice. It means we become the authors of our story. It means we shoulder the costs of our investments. It means we are responsible for how we feel. It means, if we suffer, if we fail, if we fall, if we falter, if we cower; all of that is on us. And this terrifies some. This fear is not worth it to them. They would much rather tolerate their suffering than to take responsibility to live.

But I will tell you a mighty secret that may empower you to claim your responsibility for your life. You can become responsible for your happiness, your strength, your meaning and purpose, your peace, your self, your life. It simply (really) requires the decision to do so.

It reminds me to love

My WiFi password is loveislaw. And I would like everyone I bless with the privilege of using it to know it so.

But I am a human being. Some days, I would really like to demolish a paradigm with my fury or regulate someone who talks a little too recklessly. But I don’t. Because loveislaw.

Love is what we and this world needs. Love heals. It transforms things in magical, unexpected ways. If you give 10, love will give you a million. It is our nature. It is fundamental to progress, harmony, compassion, understanding, communion. Love is powerful. It is the force that binds the universe and makes your heart beat. I have seen love at work, and because so, I am on its side. There is a force like no other greater than it. It is a light unto this world. A very necessary one.

Death reminds me to love on the days I feel like hurting. It reminds me that my heart is still beating, and as long as this is so, I have the capacity to change this world.

It reminds me to contribute to this world in some way

I’d like to get you to try an exercise. It’s a kind of meditation designed to cultivate “Metta”, a Pali word for “loving-kindness”, which can be categorized by a compassion for others through love.

Think of someone you love dearly. Imagine them in their most happiest state. Imagine them healed of their hurts. Imagine them overflowing with an abundance of positive, peaceful, loving energy. Do this genuinely and seriously with the belief that this will work; that they will feel more happy, peaceful, loved. See them glowing with a smile on their face.

It is very likely that you feel this energy originating within your own body too. Where does it stem from? I find that mine originates straight from the heart, as if it was a portal, allowing that energy to flow forth from another place, into this world.

My life is dedicated to allowing this energy to flow through from my heart into this world. The way this goes about is numerous: an article I write, a video I make, a piece of advice to a friend in need, a warm smile to a stranger, a sincere hello-how-are-you to a neighbour, a hug to my mother, a thank you to my father, a wish for someone I care deeply about.

I do not live simply for myself. I live for me because I know how liberating that is for the world around me. My life is dedicated to the whole because I am a part of it. I wish nothing but love, life, peace and joy for this world.

I’m going to die someday, and I hope that my life; my contributions, deeds, love, energy, hopes, dreams and all else that emanated from my being helps to inch the world a bit more forward, a bit more upward. Oh, my friend. Life is a beautiful thing. I wish you the most of it.

– Christopher (: ❤

Christopher Tan is a writer, film-maker and artist, passionate about self-mastery, enlightenment and world change. He writes regularly at his blog The Art Of Life, spews wisdom daily on Twitter, and enjoys posting his art on Instagram. Subscribe to his blog’s newsletter to get a free book.

You’ve read 5 Reasons I Think About Death As Often As I Can, originally posted on Pick the Brain | Motivation and Self Improvement. If you’ve enjoyed this, please visit our site for more inspirational articles.

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