It’s no secret that a lot of what we think and do are the products of our habits. These habits are often carried out unconsciously and they lead to our emotions and beliefs. These emotions and beliefs then lead to certain actions. These actions can reinforce our beliefs or have consequences that start the cycle all over again.

What exactly is mindfulness?

Mindfulness has been defined in many ways. Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn has described it as, “Awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally. It’s about knowing what is on your mind.”

Generally speaking, mindfulness has two major aspects to it.

The first involves the following:
• Being generally aware of the present moment
• Noticing when that awareness wanders
• Bringing that awareness back to the present moment

The second most common aspect of mindfulness is focusing on something in particular. This involves:
• Paying attention to something in particular, like one’s breath
• Noticing when the mind drifts from that thing
• Bringing attention back to that thing.

Strengthening mindfulness for self esteem

Mindfulness is a skill that most westerners are not used to. Becoming more mindful usually takes specific forms of practice. Many traditions and methods have been developed over the years.

The different forms of meditation have been generally accepted as mindfulness practice. Still, the main goal of being more mindful is to apply its principles to real life situations.

See Also: The Profound Effects Of Meditation On The Mind

Seven steps to utilize mindfulness for self-esteem

Stay in the present moment

Most of your distressful feelings are either memories of things gone wrong or thoughts of a less than optimal future. If you find yourself feeling less confident, odds are you’ve been harping on past failures or are worrying about a particular outcome.

You must strive to vigilantly observe when your mind isn’t focused on the present. When you notice your awareness drifting, bring it back to the here and now. Concentrate on what you’re doing right now at this very moment. There’s a saying, “If you have one foot in the future and the other in the past, you’re pissing on today.”

Don’t confuse ruminating and worrying about the future with planning. Depending on how ingrained your habit towards negative thinking is, it can be a thin line between worrying and planning.

Think of it like this.

If you tell yourself that you are going to do x, y and z, it’s usually planning. But, if your thinking is along the lines of “what if” or “such is probably going to happen”, then you’re probably worrying.

Don’t judge

Judge not or you shall be judged.

This saying has more truth to it than most people realize. Judging can become a formidable unconscious habit. What you often don’t realize is that by judging others, you’re actually drawing comparisons.

You will eventually judge someone to be better at something than you. And once that happens, you will start to down yourself and attack your own self-esteem.

A good way to practice being non-judgmental is to watch the news or read the newspaper and not form an opinion about what you see. In other words, try not to think that the event, the people involved or their actions are right, wrong, smart or stupid, etc. Then, try to bring this same mindset when dealing with others.

When you judge others, your mind slips out of the present moment. It makes you vulnerable to ruminating about the past and future. Remember, judge not, or so you shall be judged.

Stand tall

Research has shown that standing with good posture can have beneficial effects on your mood. It is hard to walk with one’s head, shoulders and chest held upright and not feel good. If you’re standing with good posture, most people will look at you and treat you as if you are confident. It can help you feel better about yourself.

One of the hindrances that make it hard for many people with low self-worth to stand tall is fear of eye contact. If you keep the two previous steps in mind, staying in the present and forming no judgments, it will be easier for you to look people in the eye.

Don’t stare. Just occasionally look people in the eye, especially if they’re looking at you. If you still find eye contact hard, there are a couple of hacks for it. You can look at the bridge of a person’s nose, instead of directly in the eye. Another trick is to look at a person’s ears if you’re directly in front of but not too close to him.

Demand your space

People with low self-esteem often don’t want to be noticed. When in public, they try to be as unobtrusive as possible. Whereas people with high self-worth stand out. One of the ways they do this is by taking up space.

For instance, when standing, try to keep your feet shoulder-width apart. When sitting, keep your knees apart as much as is appropriate for the situation. When you do this, you’re basically telling the world that you not only have balls, but they’re big ones. Try and keep your hands away from you as well, being mindful not to consistently fold your arms across your chest.

If you are a man, you should also be mindful of keeping your elbows away from your torso as well. Keeping the knees and elbows drawn in is often viewed as weak and submissive, not to mention effeminate in some cultures.

Make faces

The look you hold on your face often influences your mood. You should strive to have the look of a confident winner. Different people show that differently.

For one person, it could be a smiling face. For another, it could be the look of a person who’s serious and doesn’t play games. The choice is yours, as long as it is the facial expression that you feel a confident person would wear.

A lot of times, when you have low self-esteem, you defeat yourself before you even start. You have a look of defeat, submission or unhappiness plastered on your face. Not only does this affect your mood, but it can influence those around you.

When you smile, the whole world smiles with you. If you look upbeat and confident, it can make it easier for people to gravitate towards you. People instinctively know that emotions are contagious. Therefore humans tend to be attracted to people who feel good.

On the other hand, if you look like a depressed loser, not only will you tend to feel that way, but it can make people hostile towards you. They don’t want to feel like you do, so they will tend to avoid you or drive you away.

You’ll even find people will often be attracted towards you if you look slightly angry. The key word is “slightly”. If you look enraged or ready to explode, people may stand clear out of fear for their physical safety. Anger is not generally considered a positive emotion, but an angry person is generally looked at as having more confidence than one who looks submissive.

Relax

Relaxation techniques help to alleviate the effects of the fight or flight response. Being in a relaxed state won’t necessarily build confidence, but it can help to relieve anxiety and other adverse moods. This step takes practice.

In the beginning, it’s recommended that you practice some type of relaxation technique. This is so that you know what relaxation actually feels like. Once you have established how it feels, you’ll have to be mindful of the stress on your body. The common trouble spots are the face, neck, shoulder region and the central torso. During your day, you can do a quick self-check to see if there is unnecessary tension in those trouble spots.

Act as if

This step includes bringing all the other steps together. It’s sort of like being a method actor.

You contemplate how you would imagine a person with high self-esteem would act and then you strive to emulate that type of behavior. It may be awkward at first and people that know you may be put off a little. They may not take the ‘new’ you seriously. But, if you’re consistent, they will fall in line. The key is consistency.

You will eventually slip into your habitual ways of behaving. This is where mindfulness plays its part. You have to train your mind to become aware of your thoughts, attitudes and behaviors so that you can correct them as soon as possible. If done often and consistently enough, this in and of itself will become a habit.

See Also: 7 Ways Mindfulness Can Unlock The Door To Your Authentic Life

Conclusion

We see that high self-worth can be influenced by what you do and don’t do. Always remember that it’s about progress and not perfection. You should strive to be mindful of using your thoughts and behavior to:
• Prevent self-defeating thoughts from arising
• Eliminate self-defeating thoughts that do arise
• Bring up esteem building thoughts when they are not presently in mind
• Maintain esteem building thoughts that are currently in mind

If you want moderate gains in your self-esteem, be mindful of the steps you take to move through life. Your limits are only set by the limits of your mindset.

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“In corporate America, women fall behind early and continue to lose ground with every step,” begins the 2016 Women in the Workplace Study.

It’s not hard to believe, considering that only 17% of startups have a female founder. There are multiple factors holding women back from succeeding in the workplace. The study continues to note that women often miss out on vital interactions with members of management, stifling their ability to climb the corporate ladder from the get-go.

The more interactions missed, the shorter the ladder becomes over time. This creates a cumulative effect that becomes impossible to make up for later in life. What can be done to ensure that everyone has an equal shot at success? How do you boost the success of women in the workplace?

When Sheryl Sandberg wrote “Lean In” four years ago, her stated goal was to have half of businesses run by women and half of homes run by men. “In terms of women in leadership roles, we are not better off,” Sandberg said in a USA Today interview earlier this year.

She continued by noting that women comprise less than 6% of the Fortune 500 CEO in the United States. There are fewer countries in the world run by women today than there were when her book was first published. In the United States, she notes, there is only a tiny percentage more women in Congress. There has not been, she points out, much appreciable forward movement in women in leadership roles worldwide despite the efforts of a veritable army of women leaning in.

Along with the launch of her book, Sandberg also launched a nationwide campaign urging women to form “Lean-In Circles” in order to support and encourage each other throughout different stages in their careers. These groups provide mentorship and camaraderie for women who might not be getting such in the workplace.

According to Leanin.org, the most important steps for managers to close the gender gap in the workplace include:

Challenge The Likeability Penalty

Oftentimes, women are punished for being “bossy” or “shrill” in the workplace just for doing their jobs. It’s important to ask yourself if you would react the same way if you were talking to a man.

Evaluate Performance Fairly

Try to measure performance objectively and look for opportunities to make decisions in a gender-blind manner.

Give Women Credit

If you see a man take credit for a woman’s work, speak up.

Get The Most Out Of Meetings

Be on the lookout for women who are being kept in the background in meetings and encourage them to take part.

Share Office Housework

If there are tasks, like making coffee or emptying garbage, that need to be done, be sure they aren’t just automatically falling to female employees.

Make Work Work For Parents

Support working parents any way you can. Make sure they know they are part of the team. Don’t make assumptions about work-travel and work-life balance without checking with parents about their needs.

Make Negotiating A Norm

Women are less likely to negotiate and may need encouragement to do so.

Support Mentorship and Sponsorship

Mentoring can help women succeed from both sides—leadership as well as personal development. Having a program in place can foster a sense of purpose from within your organization.

See Also: What Managers Should Know About Motivating Their Team

In addition to these steps, there are many habits women can employ to propel themselves forward in the workplace. Overcoming adversity is necessary for many women. Oprah overcame an impoverished childhood and J.K. Rowling overcame being a single mother on welfare.

See Also: 5 Women Entrepreneurs Who Failed Before Becoming Millionaires

Everyone can benefit from writing down goals. Dolly Parton has been known to not only write out her goals but also to go about her life as though she had already achieved them.

Taking time to rest and recuperate is crucial. Many women burn the candle at both ends thanks to an imbalance in work and home life. If you are one of these women, meditating or just enjoying a few minutes of quiet time can really make a difference.

Finding balance is the key. There will be compromises as the world changes, so tempering expectations and making the most of even the smallest of victories is going to make you happier in the long run. Learn more about the habits of highly successful women from this infographic.

Source

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Do you love pizza? Of course! Who doesn’t?

The word alone is enough to create a swirl of flavors in my mouth. The moment I order a pizza, I start envisioning the love-making session of warm cheese, bacon, tomato, and herbs in my mouth.

To be honest, pizza is the only thing I never want to share with anybody. Even when I am stuffed up to my soul, I somehow manage to squeeze in another bite.

And that is my problem. I don’t know how much to eat.

When I try to overstuff myself, I always regret it later. It ends up affecting my stomach and my sleeping patterns. It also leaves me lethargic.

And, if I try to eat far less than what my stomach can handle, it leaves me hungry. Even though I know I can eat a little more and my capacity is yet to be met, I avoid it as I get afraid I will overstuff myself again.

So, I figured out a way.

Instead of projecting all my lust on pizza. I started listening to my appetite. I started to eat one slice at a time. And, after each slice I ask my stomach “Bro, should I send some more?”

If I get a yes, then, without missing a beat, I reach out for one more slice. I started eating just enough to satisfy both my hunger and taste buds. That creates a beautifully balanced relationship between me and the pizza- without affecting my system.

Now, you must be thinking, “Damn it! What the hell is this guy trying to do?”

Instead of driving you and dropping you to your goals club as promised, I took a different lane and parked you at a Pizza place. This is all you must be thinking, right?

I know it’s all confusing right now and doesn’t make any sense to you. But, trust me, what I told you was all about goal setting- in a “cheesy” point of view.

Wait! Let me unwrap all this for you.

Place a reasonable order

This was one of my biggest weaknesses when ordering a pizza. No matter what my appetite was or how hungry I was, I always used to order a large pizza. And, 90% of the time, I either ended up overstuffing myself or throwing it away.

This is a major mistake a lot of people make while setting goals for themselves. They set unattainable goals. They don’t analyze where they stand, what their current situation is or if they can work on the goals they set.

Take, for example, a guy weighing 120 kg who set a goal to lose 30 kg in a month. What do you think will happen?

Simple. He will never make it to that goal because it is not a practical goal.

To lose 30 kg in a month, he needs to lose 1 kg daily and that’s not possible. Moreover, he will lose all his hope and motivation that he might never try again.

The first crucial step to any goal is not about measuring the goal. It is to measure yourself. You need to analyze your current situation. Based on that, you need to make projections.

Goals setting is important but setting practical goals is much more important than that.

See Also: How to Set Personal SMART Goals To Succeed

Extra price for extra toppings

Who doesn’t love some customization and extra toppings on their pizzas? For me, I always get a bit more cheese and cheese bursts. It makes my pizza even more divine.

But, what happens when you order all these extras? Obviously, you have to pay more for every customization you make.

Is it worth it? Will it incorporate more taste to your pizza?

It undoubtedly will but it will also add more cost to your total bill.

Our goals follow the same path. There’s always a price you have to pay when you add in “extras”.

Let’s suppose your goal is to hit the sales mark in order to buy yourself a new car. Now, you add some more weight to that goal. You want to buy a BMW (that’s your first topping). And, you put a little more weight to it as you set your eyes on BMW M3 (the final crust to your pizza).

So, how you are going to buy it?

Obviously, you have to do more hard work, put in more effort and be more disciplined. That’s the price you need to pay to bring your dream car in your garage. Of course, that’s apart from the thousands of dollars you need to pay for it.

Success mantra: You can’t aim for high goals while paying a low price for it. You have to pay the price for that extra taste. There’s no other way.

Go one slice at a time

So, your pizza has arrived and I know you can’t wait to dig in. But, what happens when you try to eat all the pizzas in one go?

Next day, there’s a good chance you might not even want to look at it. It might not even taste as good as it did yesterday.

The solution?

Take it slow. When you eat one slice at a time, your whole system will fully accept it and every process will work as it should. Take your time. Eat it, chew it and then digest it.

Same with our goals. Overdoing doesn’t do any good to them either.

Apart from setting realistic goals, you need to know how to break your goals into smaller targets so you can work on them on a daily basis. Every journey begins with a single step and goals are no different.

Tip: Write your goals on a blank paper. Then, write down the different ways you can achieve them. Write down a roadmap to reach those goals. Instead of hitting the finish line directly, divide the goals into smaller tasks and work on them every day.

Don’t aim for too less

So we take it slow on our pizza, but that doesn’t mean we need to eat much less than we want to or need to.

I agree that overeating is bad. But, if you eat way less than your hunger, then you are doing yourself a disservice too. We eat to satisfy our hunger and not to keep ourselves on starvation mode.

Nobody in the entire history of the world has touched the sky by setting very small goals. And, in case you are setting small goals, you are likely to get stuck in the same loop. To make sure that doesn’t happen, create goals that satisfy your hunger and soul. Otherwise, you will never realize your true potential.

Somewhere deep down, we all know what we are capable of. We just tend to fly under the radar because of bad habits. We know we are capable of much bigger things, but we don’t want to leave our comfort zone.

Whenever you set a goal, try to keep a balance so you don’t starve or overstuff yourself.

See Also: 4 Sure-Fire Ways to Motivate Yourself to Reach Your Goals

Summary

We are living in a highly competitive world where we are not just competing with others, but with ourselves, too. Every minute of the day, we should think of ways to achieve our goals and exert effort to turn those goals into a reality.

We create our future and there should be no reason why we can’t make the journey more worthwhile.

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