Are you in the habit of bossing or ordering the people in your life around?
You know, instead of asking them to do something and having them consent and agree to do it, you give them commands which you expect will be followed immediately and without protest?
“Don’t do that.”
If you do, have you ever considered how it affects other people?
Have you ever stopped to question how they’re really responding to your commands inside their heads? Have you ever wondered what they truly think of you?
Most people will just comply when they’re ordered around, especially if it’s from someone who has some authority over them- like a parent, boss or significant other.
Before moving forward, let me ask you another question:
Are you the type of person who wants to win the respect of the people you interact and deal with?
Because I can guarantee you that if you boss and order people around, you’re working against yourself and you’re actually losing their respect. In fact, there’s a good chance they secretly despise you for it.
Of course, they’ll never show it to your face. They’ll just complain and gripe about you behind your back. They’ll revel in their contempt and resentment for you with others who feel the same way. They will criticize you and make jokes at your expense whenever you’re not around.
These are things you’ll probably never see, but I can guarantee you that they’re happening.
The Problem With Bossy People
We all hate being told what to do. We like to be in control of our lives and be able to make our own decisions.
When others make decisions for us and “force” us to comply, we try our best to look extremely well on the surface. What we feel inside, however, is a very different story. As we carry out the tasks, we generate resentment and even anger towards bossy people.
Now, ask yourself this question.
What’s more important to you:
Having certain tasks you delegate carried out or establishing and retaining the respect of others?
I reckon they’re both important, but here’s the thing:
When you order others around, you may successfully get the task accomplished, but you lose their respect. They will not willingly follow you. Though they may carry out the order, they will do it begrudgingly and they’ll look at you with disdain.
Is there a better way?
Certainly, there’s a way for you to delegate tasks and have them carried out without jeopardizing the respect people have for you.
It revolves around the issue of consent.
When we boss people around by giving them orders, we strip away their consent to carry out the activity. They feel that they have to do it because they have no other option.
So, what you want to do is have them carry out the task while taking their consent into consideration. You should aim to have the task accomplished without undermining their dignity and pride in the process.
How do you do that?
There are two great ways. Let’s check them out.
Ask people to do what you want
Don’t boss or order people to do it. You ask them.
The simple phrase you need to remember is this:
Then, insert your wish. For example:
“Would you take out the trash?”
“Would you wash the dishes?”
With this approach, you can show respect for other people’s free will. You can let them retain their sense of dignity and you won’t make them feel like servants or slaves. More importantly, you don’t come up as an all-powerful master.
People who realize that you’re respecting their power to make their own decisions will be more willing to carry out your tasks. They will do it happily and with respect for you for not abusing your authority.
Make your wishes known to people
The phrase to remember is this:
“I’d like you to…”.
Then, insert the activity. For example:
“I’d like you to clean up your mess.”
“I want you to help me out with some cleaning.”
Same as with the first approach, this won’t make you look like you’re forcing them to sacrifice their dignity and sense of self-respect by bending to the wishes of a “master”. Instead, this can get your tasks completed while maintaining the respect of everyone around you.
If you want to be a great leader, you need to know how to appeal to the consent of your followers. You shouldn’t force them to comply with your wishes just because of your position.