One morning John goes to the beach to enjoy the sunrise, and he notices a man dancing in the distance. Curious about what is that man doing, he goes closer. The man is not dancing; he is throwing something in the water.
“Hello, may I ask what are you doing?”
“I’m throwing starfish back into the ocean.”
“Why?”
“Because the sun is rising and, left on the beach, the starfish will die.”
“You do realize that the beach is miles and miles, and you can’t possibly help them all. Right? It makes no difference what you are doing.”
The man gets down, picks up another starfish and throws it into the water:
“I made a difference to that one, haven’t I?”

Whatever you do, it makes a difference in someone else’s life. However, sometimes is you the one that feels neglected and forgotten. And because maybe there is no one else to make a difference in your life at that moment check out

7 little reminders for times when you feel left out:

1. You can’t satisfy everybody

Stop trying to please everyone because some individuals won’t be satisfied no matter what you do.

Remind yourself that not everything that you lose is a loss. Some people that get out of your life are doing you a service because you are better without them.

2. You are the guardian of YOU

Love, attention, respect and appreciation for you start inside you. Offering positive and good things to oneself is not selfish. It is a matter of self-preservation, progress, and self-improvement. You are the guardian of your happiness, wellbeing, and safety.

As long as you are there for yourself, everyone else can come in and get out of your life because you have all it takes to build the life of your dreams.

3. Some people don’t deserve your attention and time

Our most precious possessions in life are time, love and energy. Use them wisely and respectful. Don’t offer them to people that leave you out just to blackmail you into offering even more.

Surround yourself with people that like you as you are. People that don’t ask you to change for their sake, pleasure or benefit.

4. The most influential person in your life is you

No one else can change your life for the better as you can. Is it not?

5. Some people have a limited capacity to understanding others

Communication is a powerful interpersonal skill, but not everyone has it or wants to use even if they do. Therefore, don’t expect to be understood by everyone.
Accept when you are not (without casting blame on one side or the other.) It doesn’t matter whose fault it is; it matters for you to learn something out of that experience and use those lessons to grow.

6. People need to like themselves

If you are a strong, accomplished and wise person some people might leave you out because they feel too small and insignificant around you.

It is not your fault nor theirs. Every person wants to like and appreciate who they are. Therefore, they seek and want the company of individuals that makes them feel important and intelligent.

Gather around yourself people with a similar level of intelligence, drive, motivation and power. You are feeling good having meaningful and comprehensive conversations, and they feel the same.

7. The future is yours

Stay focused on your goals and dreams and make them happen regardless what happens around you.

At the end of the day, if it happens to you to be left out, pushed aside, forgotten or neglected remind yourself that any relationship is a two-way street. If you are the only one putting effort into it, there is no connection, and it is time for you to move one.

Remind yourself that some people don’t deserve your time, energy and love and when they leave out of your life, they are doing a big service to you: you have the chance and the opportunity to build new, long-lasting and meaningful relationships.

When life takes something from you, it’s doing it only to make room for something new, something better.

The future is yours. Shape it as you please. Gather around yourself people that can’t imagine a happy life without you in it.

You are not a helpless starfish abandoned and forgotten on a deserted beach. You are the kind person throwing them back into the ocean. Are you not?

Strive to make a difference even when the situation seems hopeless because each time you are doing that for someone else, you feel the positive ripple effects in your life as well.

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To some extent everybody has a secret power. Think at something that you are very good at without any apparent effort. But if it where to have a real secret power, like mind control?

How would you use such gift? Each power comes for a price, are you ready to pay it?

Take just now this quick and easy quiz and find out what’s your secret power!

What’s Your Secret Power?

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Leave a comment below to tell us what you’ve got!

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I had a dream once.

I wanted to retire at the age of forty. Well, that time has come and gone without much fanfare or any sign of retirement.

So what happened?

Lots of things. Some within my control, others not (and there’s the first clue as to what can stop you). Although, for the things that weren’t within my control, perhaps my reaction to them was and was found wanting.

Then again…

The more I read about cognitive biases, the less inclined I am to believe in the idea that we can have absolute awareness and control over our decisions and actions. In which case, relax. We’re not 100% responsible for what happens to us in our lives and how we react.

The one thing I do know is that I failed to plan a route to retirement. And without any plan, or a winning lottery ticket, there was never a hope in hell of retiring at forty. But don’t mistake a lack of planning for a lack of progress.

I have achieved many other things.

I’ve travelled a lot, living in several different countries. I’ve met lots of different people, some of whom were very interesting, others less so and one or two who should be avoided at all costs. I have a Masters. I’ve written a novel. I’ve also worked for some good companies and one or two not-so-good ones in a variety of roles. I have two lovely kids and an understanding (most of the time) wife.

All in all, I’m quite happy with my lot. Inevitably, as I see how my friends and family have progressed in their lives, I also look back and wonder why I didn’t achieve my goal or why I progressed in a different way. Not with sadness, but with curiosity. Not having a plan is obviously part of the reason, but what else was involved?

Maybe retiring at forty was just a dream and not a goal. Maybe I liked the idea of retiring more than the effort involved with making it a reality.

I’ve read quite a bit about psychology and successful people over the years, and it’s helped me think about how and why I may have made the decisions I did.

And one of the things that sticks out is the power of stories.

The story we tell ourselves about the world and our place in it, is the most powerful story of all. The objective truth of that story is almost irrelevant, what matters more is the consequence of that story. How it affects our decisions and actions is what makes the most impact on us.
Tell yourself you were just unlucky not to get that great job in New York and you can easily dust yourself off and try again. It wasn’t me! It was just bad luck.

But tell yourself you didn’t get a second date with that beautiful woman because you asked too many questions, or weren’t wearing the right shoes, and you might hesitate to ask another woman out.

And that’s when it hit me.

Maybe all this time I’ve been telling myself the wrong stories, tall tales that conveniently explain away my lack of early retirement.
In other words, what excuses – however reasonable they may sound – have I been telling myself that explain why I am, where I am?

It didn’t take me long to come up with a list. I’m not saying these are the actual reasons I personally didn’t succeed at retiring at forty.  I’m saying this list might be the kind of excuses I told myself.

I’ve tried to be constructive. So after the excuse, I’ve also given a way to address it, because if there’s one thing I am determined to do it is to learn from my past and my mistakes (and overcome the obstacles in the WOOP process).

Let me know if any sound familiar.

1. I’m too old.

What’s age got to do with it? Do you see Mick Jagger drawing a pension?

2. I don’t have time.

Nonsense. We all have 24 hours in a day, every day. That is fixed and unchangeable unless you own a flux capacitor fitted with a DeLorean. Either reprioritise the task, reduce the scope of what needs to be done, increase the resource you have available to get it done, or defer the delivery date. All of those are possible, but not all are acceptable.

3. I have no idea where to begin.

Who does? Start small and keep chipping away at it. Focus on what is critical to do, not what “should” be done or what is quick and easy to do – because being busy is not the same as being productive.

4. I have no money.

Ask someone else to lend it to you. Yes, they’ll want something in return but that’s the price of their investment.

5. I don’t have the right knowledge.

Google it or ask an expert. But beware of collecting too much information or relying on one source; it will skew your perspective and weigh your thinking down because you won’t be able to analyse all the data. What do you need to know in order to answer the question?

6. I’m not qualified.

Is a qualification strictly necessary? If it is, train yourself or find a qualified person to help you.

7. I have no will power.

Imagine how you’ll feel in ten years’ time if you don’t do it now. Start small and do things at regular intervals to build up a powerful habit of progress. Give yourself relevant rewards for your effort as well as your results.

8. My heart’s not in it / I have no motivation.

Not knowing why you’re doing something is the quickest way to lose interest and rob yourself of motivation. So be brutally honest with yourself: why do you want to achieve your goal, what would it mean to you? Knowing the purpose behind what you want to do gives it a meaning which can drive you to achieve it.

9. I have nothing to lose.

Make a public promise, or a promise to someone whose opinion and attention you value. Let them down at your peril. Or sell everything you own and invest the lot in your vision because burning your bridges – aka your escape route – will focus your attention on positive action for sure.

10. I have no permission.

Is it a legal or moral requirement to have someone else’s permission? If not, then you’re denying yourself an opportunity for no good reason.

11. I have no hope of success.

You don’t need to believe in miracles, but you do need to believe that you can achieve something if you keep taking small steps towards your goal.

12. I have no self-belief.

There is always a reason not to do something and a lack of self-belief is as good a reason as any. But if you truly have no self-belief, find someone who does and sell them your idea or pay them to do the work for you.

13. The odds are against me.

You only have to believe that it is possible to achieve your goal, not that it is probable or certain. Remember: the odds are exactly that, odds. They’re not a guarantee of anything, even when they’re in your favour.

14. I have no ability.

Skill yourself up or pay someone else who does have the ability to do it for you or be your mentor.

15. I’m not in the mood.

Look at pictures of cute babies, kittens and puppies. Or watch something funny. Failing that, get some sleep, eat well and go for a run to get your heart pumping lots of lovely oxygen to your brain because that’s what it needs to make better decisions.

16. I have no limitations.

Believing you can do any and everything is calling yourself Superman. You’re not. You’re human. Your time, energy and resources are finite and can only be applied to a finite number of tasks at any given time. What do you want to do first? Start with that.

17. I don’t have the right tools.

As they say in New York: “When the only tool you’ve got is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.” Put it down and pick up another.

18. I’m not seeing any progress.

Are you working on the right problem? Reframe the question and you may suddenly find you don’t have a problem at all, or you have a different one to the one you first thought. Alternatively, how are you measuring your progress? Rome wasn’t built in a day and overnight success is the worst kind of bullshit to believe in.

19. I have no vision.

Where exactly is it you want to get to? What does that place look, feel, taste, sound and smell like? What would it mean to you to get there? Be that vivid in your thinking about it and it will seem more tangible and more within reach than just a dream.

20. I’m not being realistic.

Biologically speaking, your brain cannot tell the difference between objective and subjective reality – both types of reality are just a bunch of electro-chemical signals – and your brain doesn’t know if something is or isn’t actually real, fake or achievable or pie in the sky. You tell your brain what “is” and it believes or disbelieves you accordingly.

21. I have no plan.

You know what they say about that: fail to plan, plan to fail. Write one, keep revising it and put it into action. Step by step. One day at a time.

22. I haven’t got the right connections.

You’ve heard of the six degrees of separation right? So tweet Kevin Bacon and ask him if he can put you in touch with the right person.

23. I’m not willing to pay the price.

No pain, no gain. Get on board or wait for another train.

If you think of any more, let me know.

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The levels of energy are different for different people. Some are very energetic, while others are calm and collected. Let’s not forget the wide range in between those two.

But let’s think in term of colors. Not the color you like, but the one that describe best you spirit.

Take just now this quick and easy quiz and find out what color is your energy!

What Colour Is Your Energy?

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Leave a comment below to tell us what you’ve got!

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It’s happening again.

You’re scrambling to finish a work project just hours before the looming deadline.  As you breath in shallow breaths you feel the tension in your shoulders start to mount.

This is what stress feels like.

“Never again.”  You whisper to yourself.  You promise that from now on you’re going to start all your projects early to give yourself time to finish them.

But it never happens.

Before you know it, you’re back scrambling to finish another project and feeling that stress once again.

The cycle continues.

So why does this happen?  Why can’t we seem to finish anything on time even when we feel like we’re working hard?

The #1 Reason We Miss Deadlines

Put simply, we have the habit underestimating how long activities take to accomplish.

And this is true with almost everything.  Here are a few examples:

The “15-minute trip” to the bank takes at least 25 minutes.

That “quick five-minute call” takes twice as long.

The project that we think we can knock out in two hours ends up taking four hours instead.

Why do we have this underestimation habit?

First, as overachievers we think we can “do it all.”  We have no problem piling more and more projects on our plates.  And we  don’t give ourselves enough time to do them right.

Second, most of us tend to idealize what our “future selves” are capable of accomplishing.   When we think about ourselves in the future, we imagine someone with more willpower than us who can accomplish activities with Elon Musk-like determination.

Therefore, when we plan how long a project will take to finish, we imagine our “nearly perfect” future self doing it without struggle.

But then when we’re in front of our computer and it’s time to get to work reality sets in, and things rarely go as planned.  For example:

Maybe the words don’t come out as fast as we would like.

Or unforeseen (yet necessary) research causes a delay.

Or polishing the finished product takes more time than expected.

A Simple Strategy For Hitting All Your Deadlines

So what’s the solution?

Just add 50% to all your estimated completion times.

Give yourself three hours to do that project instead of two.  Plan on 8-minutes for that “quick phone call” instead of five.  Leave your house at 6:15 p.m. for that 7:00 p.m. dinner instead of 6:30 p.m.  Allow 18-months to build a new 6-figure revenue stream instead of a year.

I first heard about this idea from George McKeon in his excellent book Essentialism and this strategy has liberated me.  I’m now rarely stressed to make last minute deadlines.  I’m also getting more done than before.

If you give this strategy a chance, I believe you’ll encounter similar results.  It takes discipline, however.  There will be that part of you that still feels you can “do it all.”

Successful people feel “lazy” when they don’t have many projects going on at once.  They think fewer projects will cause them to get behind their competition.

But these are lies we tell ourselves.

If you think about the accomplishments you’re proudest of, most likely they came at the end of a period of extreme focus.  You were spending a disproportionate percentage of your time on one project to the exclusion of everything else.

Success always follows this pattern whether it’s a one-hour project or a decade-long project.  So when we give ourselves time to accomplish our goals we’re embracing a proven formula.

And when embrace this formula, the days of deadline stress will soon be over.  You’ll be hitting deadlines and goals faster and with less stress than ever before.  By giving yourself permission to do “less” you’ll end up accomplishing much, much more.

Now let’s hear from you.  How do you plan on putting this strategy into action?  Let me know my commenting below

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“But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful.” ~ Elizabeth Edwards ~

Have you ever had one of those days where it seems that the world is one big pigeon, just waiting to crap on your front steps? Sure, we all have. Then someone comes along and tells you to keep positive. You feel like strangling them on the spot.  While our mind is telling us we should be positive, our feelings are screaming at us to tell the world where to stick it.  Regardless of how we feel however, we realize that it will not do us any good to continue to have our own pity party and we need to move on.

There are things we can do, that will help us turn our attitude around, brighten our day and shorten our stay in a negative state the next time it seems the world is out to get us.

Here are 5 things we can do.

Step away and get a reality check

When we are in a negative state, we have a tendency to see problems as greater than they are, overreact and see trappings in a situation that really don’t exist. This causes the position and problem to snowball and get worse.  Ask yourself this question, “Is there anything I can do at this time to keep the problem from getting worse?”  Or, “How could this problem have been worse than it is?” This may help us to see there is some light at the end of the tunnel. If we feel stuck in negativity we can ask someone we trust to give us their perspective.  As they are not caught up emotionally in the problem as we are, they will be able to see in a clearer and unbiased manner.

Look for a positive and focus on it

When you have just found out some bad news it will not be easy to focus on something positive.  Try to shift your thinking, however, away from the negative to a situation that has gone well, good ones or something that has brought you joy and happiness in the past. If it makes it easier just try to think of something neutral.  Do whatever it takes to shift your focus.  At the time of receiving bad news it may feel you are the only one who is having a difficult time.  The life stories of most highly successful people will usually include at least one chapter on overcoming tragedies and failures.  Remind yourself of this next time things have gone off the rails for you.  Nietzsche said that “What doesn’t kill us will make us stronger.”  People who have survived adversity and gone on to better their lives believe this and look back on their difficult times with a sense of pride for having overcome them.

Look past the situation

Think of difficult situations that you have been through in your past.   Become aware that this too will pass. Try to imagine what it will be like a year, five years or ten years from now looking back on this time.  It will help us focus on doing the difficult work that we need to do to get through a crisis, while at the same time giving us perspective that this is only one thing in our ongoing lives. This helps keep us from getting overwhelmed by our present negative situation or events.

Ask for and accept help

Successful people have a strong support network that they can count on to support them in times of need.  If you have such a network, this is the time to reach out and ask for help.  Knowing when we need help and asking for it is a sign of strength, not of weakness.  We feel good when we are able to help others, so let others experience that same feeling by being able to help us in times of need.  Support networks don’t happen by accident, they are built up over time with effort and consistency.  The way to develop a strong support network is to be part of such a network by offering and helping others freely in times of need. What we put out to others comes back to us multiplied.  If you don’t have an immediate support network, or have recently moved to an area where you don’t know anyone, there are organizations in the community whose purpose it is to offer support in your situation.  Reach out to them in difficult times.

Develop an Attitude of Gratitude

Every morning, before I start my day I have a gratitude book in which I write in at least ten things which I am grateful for.  When I’m having a bad day, to go back to that list helps me and I become aware of all the good there are in my life.  Developing an awareness of all the positives and remembering them is a powerful tool that helps us overcome adversity and the difficult times that are an inevitable part of life.  While remembering all the things we have to be grateful for is a good practice in our everyday lives, it is especially important during difficult times.

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