7 Things Nobody Told You About How To Make People Instantly Like You

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A lot of people exude an irresistible charm when they speak. It makes us eager to hear what they have to say. At some point, it can even make us envious of their popularity and command of respect.

If you are aiming to establish the same things for yourself, here are some tips you should know about how to make people instantly like you:

1.Say Their Names

Dale Carnegie’s book ”How to Make Friends and Influence People” is a bestseller and has sold more than 15 million copies worldwide. Its success is a reflection of how strong people’s drive is to become influential and respected.

To quote Dale Carnegie:

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“Remember that a person’s name is to that person , the most sweetest and most important sound in any language”.

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Nothing pleases anyone more than hearing his name. It’s an indirect way of saying that in spite of all the things in his head, you remember him because he is important. Yes, it’s a simple act, but it can make a lot of difference.

The tip: Say people’s name often using their first names.

2.Avoid Distractions

avoid distractions

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One key thing to remember when building a relationship with another person is to avoid any distractions, including your cell phone. Checking your phone from time to time or playing with it during a conversation can send the wrong impression to the other person. It can show you’re bored or not interested in the conversation.

The tip: Switching off your mobile phone during a conversation can make the other person feel important. It’s a good way of creating a positive impression.

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3. Maintain Eye-contact

Maintaining eye-contact shows the other person that you are listening. Now, you’ve probably done this a couple of times already, like when you fix your eyes on your teacher or when you’re nodding intently in agreement.

We all know that the eyes are the windows to the soul. So, when you maintain eye contact while speaking, it makes the other person feel important. In initiating eye contact, however, it’s important that you keep it friendly. You don’t want to end up giving the other person the creeps by staring too long or too hard.

The tip:There’s nothing better than letting someone know that you are there to hear whatever he’s going to say. When you’re communicating with someone, pay attention and lend an ear. You can even try tilting your head a bit.  It’s a universal sign of paying attention.

4. Avoid Being Too Critical

It’s totally fine if you don’t agree with everything the other person has to say. However, to ensure a good relationship, it’s essential that you respect and appreciate their opinion.

 

best dale carnegie quotes

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“Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person’s pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.” – Dale Carnegie

The tip: Don’t argue. Keep in mind that you don’t have to accept; you just have to listen.

5. Smile

A smile can change everything. In the words of Dale Carnegie:

“Actions speak louder than words. A smile says, ‘I like you. I am glad to see you.”

The tip: You’ll never know when your smile can make someone stronger, so make sure to flash one from time to time. It can even make someone’s day.

6. Give Out Small Blandishments

 

give compliments

Don’t we all love compliments?

Giving out blandishments can create the impression that you are paying close attention to the person you’re speaking with. In giving out words of flattery, make sure you are sincere. You don’t want to sound like you compliment everyone you see.

“The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.”

The tip: Appreciate people for the noble and little things they have done. Nothing will please them more than having someone recognizing and appreciating their work.

7. Be Sympathetic

If there’s one thing people don’t have much these days, it’s time. People are always in a hurry that they look like they are constantly in a race.

That being said, it will mean a great deal if you can take some genuine time to lend an ear and listen to someone’s problems.

“Three-fourths of the people you will meet are hungering for sympathy. Give it to them and they will love you.”

The tip: Offer genuine condolence. It is an unspoken token of care when you set aside time to listen to someone’s grief. Depending on the circumstance, you can offer them some advice or try to cheer them up.

Pro-Tips: 3 Things You Should Avoid In Starting A Conversation

1. Don’t just speak; you should listen, too

Don’t rule over the conversation and do all the talking. You should also let the other person speak. After all, it’s a refreshing feeling to pass the chance to talk about yourself and just listen to what the other person has to say. It will make the conversation a lot more interactive.

 

quotes dale carnegie

“Why talk about what we want? That is childish. Absurd. Of course, you are interested in what you want. You are eternally interested in it. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you: we are interested in what we want.”
― Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People

The tip: Ask questions about the person. A good example to start with is to ask how his day was. It can show that you’re not only listening ,but you’re actually interested and concerned.

2. Don’t fake interest

Although it’s good to pay attention,  you should still avoid faking interest. It isn’t only irritating to people, but it can also show disrespect.

The tip: Be genuinely interested. Having things in common to talk about will help.

3. Do not try to force your opinion

People have their own mind and sense of judgment. No matter how right you think you are, trying to force your idea or sense into them will only make things worse for you.  Even if they are wrong, you shouldn’t be the one to point a finger.

The tip: If you are highly unable to stop your tongue, be polite when you object to something. Never force your opinions on anyone.

How do you turn a small talk into an interesting two-way conversation? Do you have any more tips to share?

 

 

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Things You Didn’t Know That Occur While Traveling

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Whether you’re a first-time or frequent flyer, there’s a lot left to learn about the process of flying. From curb to check-in to sitting in your seat and taking off, the following 5 tips — and the below infographic, chock-full of information — will make flying easier and more transparent.

1. Checking in is Important

checking in

Unless you’ve chosen — and, potentially, paid for — your particular seat on the plane, you must be sure to check in before you actually head to the airport. A few years ago, airlines were found to have blocked off up to 40 percent of seats so that customers would have to pay a premium to get them.

Of course, not everyone is willing to pay an extra $20 or more for a particular seat, so the hidden or up-charged areas could potentially become available at a normal price to those who check in fastest. If that’s not incentive enough, checking in saves you face time at the airport, since you don’t have a see a gate agent to receive your seating assignment.

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2. Buy One Ticket at a Time

Imagine that you’re traveling in a group of four and searching online for four airline seats. If the travel site you’re using only has three free at a discounted rate and another at a normal fare, guess which price you’ll see for all four?

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That’s right. Most airlines will present a boosted fee if your request includes more than what they have available at the lowest price. Next time you fly, book each ticket individually so that you all get as much of a discount as possible.

See Also: 8 Reasons why travel should be a part of your life

3. Plan Your Trip on the Airline’s Schedule

It probably comes as no surprise that flights on Friday incur higher travel fares than other days of the week. When it comes to flying, the cheapest days to book your flight will usually be Tuesday, Wednesday or Saturday.

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You can take this a research a step further by applying it to your next round-trip voyage, especially if you’re planning to take a nice, long vacation. Price-wise, it’s smartest to leave on a Thursday and return on Monday — it’s typically 20 percent cheaper than flying out on a Friday and returning on Saturday.

See Also: 5 Steps To Reinvent Your Life By Traveling

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4. You Can Make Security Faster

There’s nothing quite as daunting as arriving to the airport on a time crunch and seeing a sprawling line for security. Fear not if you have obtained your TSA Pre-Check clearance, though, as it allows you to step into a separate line for pre-checked customers.

The program costs $85, and your clearance lasts for five years. By submitting the required documentation, receiving Pre-Check and inputting your personal TSA ID number when purchasing your tickets, you will have a special mark on your boarding pass that allows you certain privileges not given to traditional flyers. For example, you can keep your light jacket on as you pass through security.

5. Don’t Wait for Lost Luggage

lost luggage

We don’t mean that you should immediately give up on a bag that doesn’t show up on the belt. Instead, don’t waste any time in reporting your missing baggage to airline personnel.

In most cases, airlines have very strict policies regarding lost and stolen baggage, which means you have a very small window in which to report your goods as gone. Giving word right away means that they will be more likely to maintain their liability and reimburse you for what’s lost.

Obviously, these aren’t the only tips and tricks to know next time you board an airplane. However, knowing these five little behind-the-scenes hints might make you feel more ready to take to the skies — and less likely to have the airlines take you.

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Now share our very useful and informative list of flying hacks to your loved ones. Happy trails!

Source: Stsintelli

flying hacks

 

 

 

 

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4 Original Ways to Be Romantic in the Digital Age

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Romance in the digital age has certainly changed.

Gone are the days of waiting for weeks for a love letter to arrive from a loved one who’s currently (or indefinitely) far away. The digital has creeped into all spheres of our lives, including love, and it has made it possible for us to instantly accomplish and experience what we want.

Just like how we use online photo editing tools to prepare photos for sharing with friends, chatting and calling services to connect with business associates from another continent, or cloud storage sites to instantly archive or access important documents, so do love birds today use different technology to win someone’s heart or profess their love again and again.

The abundance of awesome web tools and apps for romance makes it a little difficult to quickly find appropriate ways to approach someone, but on the other hand, it guarantees that there’s definitely a neat piece of love software for everyone. There are tools and apps that can appeal to all the senses and all types of people, so depending on whether your crush is an audio, visual or tactile person, you’ll choose your “weapon” accordingly.

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Words & Pictures

love letters

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For centuries, people have expressed their love via love letters. Todaym handwritten letters are rare, but the joy of receiving them hasn’t diminished, which can explain the popularity of ecard sites.

The problem with typical ecards sites is that they usually provide ready-made templates, so you don’t much freedom to personalize your card. Try using card making websites that offer a range of card shapes, graphics, text options and other design features, so users can create a unique card from scratch without spending more than a few minutes in the process. Try free sites like Cherami.Cards or Canva.com.

Music & Poetry

If you’ve seen the movie “Begin Again”, you know that technology can be used for recording a song and sending it to your loved one so they can listen to it on their phone, tablet or computer. It’s always a good idea to do it sober, unlike Keira Knightley in the movie (though it seems her love song project turned out to be a success).

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If you’re creative and romantic, you can use free tools like Audiotool or Ujam to record your own love song or recite a poem. However, if you’re not that tech-savvy, you can simply use Spotify to create a playlist of all the songs your loved one will enjoy after a long workday.

See Also: Four Ways to Help Your Guy Get A Clue About Romance

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Games & Adventure

dungeons and dragons

A great way to keep the flame alive, especially in long-distance relationships, is through playing online games together. The games don’t have to be related to love and romance. They can even be classics like Dungeons and Dragons (the online version, of course).  

This way, couples can choose their avatars, go on quests and fight villains, all the while chatting to make the best game strategy and to slip in some playful, romantic phrases. The same can be applied to any type of online game: murder mystery, Scrabble, Facebook game apps, etc.

Chatting in Secret

Some couples need to keep their relationship a secret for whatever reason. Perhaps they are hiding from parents, a jealous ex-partner, or they are celebrities and they just don’t want to have all the world talking about their private lives. Secret couples can connect online in many ways – via social media networks, email, games, chatting services, etc.

But there are mobile apps that are created precisely for this reason like Couple, Avocado, and You&Me just to name a few. These apps allow lovers to share photos, videos, messages, funny and cute stickers and they can insert suggestions for date nights. 

See Also: Tips In Choosing A Restaurant For A Romantic Date

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There are people who fear that the digital age will destroy our relationships and our ability to connect, but let’s be optimistic and try to use all the Internet’s great potential. Who knows, maybe we’ll reach new heights in loving another person with the help of technology?

 

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Can You Pass The Purity Test?

Purity, when it comes to the human soul, it is defined as the absence of vice. It would be a lie to say that we don’t have flaws. Every one of us has some. But how close are we to perfection?

We know that we are far from perfection, but at least if it were the case would we be accepted in a convent? Take a moment to analyze yourself, be honest and tell a percent.

purityNow, take this quick and fun quiz and find out if you can pass this purity test and go to a fine convent.

Can You Pass The Purity Test?

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Leave a comment below to tell us what you’ve got!

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6 Pieces Of Advice You Should Never Take

The breakup advice, the job loss advice, and the what should I do with my life advice. So many people are quick to offer up their best piece of advice that has undoubtedly worked for them and they are absolutely convinced it’s going to work for you too. Guaranteed. Really. Is it though? Will it work for you and should you take it? sometimes we ask for advice, or other people’s opinions of what they would do if they were in your shoes. It’s nice to get some ideas. That doesn’t necessarily mean you should jump on every one they make. Some you really just shouldn’t.

How do you know which pieces of advice you should listen to and which ones you should simply toss to the way side immediately? First and foremost, listen to your gut. If it feels wrong, then don’t take it. Your intuition is right 100% of the time. Here are 6 pieces of advice that whether your intuition is screaming at you or not, you simply shouldn’t take.

adviceStay and work things out.

Many people take their wedding vows very seriously and if they think you are on the verge of breaking up they may tell you to work things out. They are instilling their beliefs on you and don’t wish to see anyone separating. If working things out, or counseling, is not an option, then pack your things and go.

Dump the loser.

Contrary to the first one, some of your friends may want you to dump your “loser boy or girlfriend” because they see no good in your relationship whatsoever. Obviously dumping them is a last resort option but maybe there is hope through counseling. Maybe your partner is willing to work with you to make things work. Listen and see what happens. There may be hope yet. People do change.

People don’t change, you’re stuck with that if you don’t leave.

People do change so if anyone tells you they don’t, don’t listen to them. Actually just walk away from them because they clearly have a closed mind. Of course people change. It happens all the time. We all change. Often we can see that our lives are crap and it’s time to make a change. Once we make life changes, we change as does our attitude and we often become better than before.

Just quit your job, there are plenty more out there.

Do not do that until you have another job in place or at least a nice enough savings account that you can live on until you find another job. Our friends just want to see us happy and they see right now we aren’t because we are stuck in a job we hate with people we don’t like. don’t’ be so quick to hand in your letter of resignation. Make sure you have your ducks in a row first. I mean, you do still have to pay rent and eat, right?

Keep going, you’re doing a great job.

If you feel in your heart of hearts that what you are engaged in at the moment, whether it be owning a business, or in a project or whatever, that it just isn’t right, then no amount of cheering you on is going to make a difference. If your soul is telling you it’s time to pack it in, then pack it in. There are things that work and some just don’t. Your friends can be your cheerleading squad and your number one fans and they really just want to see you succeed but you know it’s not the right path for you. Pack it in.

Get over it, you’ll be ok.

Of course you will and one day you will be over it, just not right now. Not today. It’s ok to stay in a place of sadness for a short while as you process whatever it was that just happened to you but if your friend is quick to say get over it, then that’s just plain insensitive. They want you to snap out of it right now and go back to being their happy friend again. It’s a wee selfish. Tell them to leave you alone and you will get over it, in your own time.

Everyone is quick to offer that get over it quick advice but they aren’t in your shoes and they don’t know or understand how you feel, truly, or the depth of the situation. In cases like the aforementioned, follow your intuition and your heart. You won’t go wrong.

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7 Tips to Liberate Yourself from Repressed Anger

Reminiscing back to your childhood days, you might recall throwing a fit at the candy aisle when your mother refused to get you that bag of skittles. Back then you felt free to express your negative emotions. You couldn’t even have fathomed to keep them underlid in a box, that box would have exploded for sure.

Then over the years, we learned that expressing out loud our feelings more often than not didn’t get us anywhere. Long gone are the days when we were understood and forgiven for having crossed the bounds of proper behavior. You are now a grown-up, it’s time to start acting like it. Some might even suggest that you should suppress your anger altogether. But our feelings are still as potent as when we were kids. We’ve just learned to ignore them or bottle them up.

angerWhile suppressing your anger is probably wise to do in public or at your work place (you don’t want to lose your job or be labeled as a psycho,) your frustrations stacked up on one another will slowly eat away at you. Studies have shown the link between cancer and suppressed anger:

“Cancer is caused by the suppression of toxic emotions; primarily anger, hate, resentment and grief. Suppression of these toxic negative emotions increases stress hormone cortisol levels, which directly suppress immune system function. When the immune system is not functioning properly, normal cells mutate into cancer cells as revealed in the 6 phases of cancer.” (alternative-cancer-care.com)

You might be thinking that this rage you feel will always be a part of you, no matter how long you meditate or try to control it- it’s still there underneath – like a dormant volcano. But you can learn to manage it and express it in healthy ways by putting into practice some useful and practical tips, so that it doesn’t end up ruining your life.

So what are some ways we can express that oppressing anger in a healthy manner?

Here’s what works for me:

1. Inner Reflection

Trough quiet reflection, identify the main events in your life that prompted anger to take residence inside your heart. Mistakes, personal failures, regrets, and poor choices may have amplified the guilt and anger. Write them down so as to capture the feelings, purging those experiences on paper, letting them free.

2. Let go through forgiveness

True forgiveness cannot be achieved without understanding and compassion. Let your inner voice reveal to you the deeper causes behind hurtful acts or words. As Simone Weil observes, “a hurtful act is the transference to others of the degradation which we bear in ourselves.” Remember it never was about you. It becomes easier to forgive when you recognize the humanness in the other.

Similarly, forgive yourself for past mistakes. Dwelling on what ifs and should haves will continue to trap you in a vicious circle of negative thinking. There is an African proverb that says: “when there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.” When you have accepted yourself with all of your hang ups, getting past your regrets, your flaws and imperfections, you will be able to let go of self loathing and anger. As a result, people or circumstances will make you less angry. So if people push your buttons, there won’t be an immediate knee jerk reaction. It all starts with you.

Instead use the hard earned lessons as a building platform for a new beginning.
Everyone deserves happiness and a fresh new start. If you continue to let guilt hold you back, you will never be able to experience life, the present moment to the fullest. Let it go. You’ve suffered long enough.

3. Keep it real

You have the ability to control your anger, it doesn’t have to control you. Only you are responsible for your life and how you choose to react to any given situation.

Whenever you disagree with someone, and you start to feel the first bouts of anger coming on, hold your tongue and take conscious deep breaths instead. Leave the room. Let your heart rate return to normal until your mind is focused again.

When the time is right, express your frustration by talking about it in a calm manner. For instance you could say “I feel hurt when we are in a disagreement because I truly care what you think” or “why do you feel this way?” “how can we resolve this?” This way the conversation doesn’t revolve around who’s right or wrong. You let the other person know that you are willing to listen with a caring ear, making space for an honest and calm conversation to happen.

In this way you will save yourself the painful realization aftermath that the whole thing was over dramatized. A misunderstanding that could have been cleared out in the early stages had you just put your pride to the side for a moment.

If you don’t have the possibility to talk it over, go for a run, listen to some music that speaks to you, play a video game, write in your journal your thoughts and feelings, or find an outlet to transfer that powerful emotion outward (without having to punch anyone.)

4. Visualization

Visualize the person you love the most in your life for a few moments. Fill your heart with those positive feelings.

Now picture the person(s) who have hurt you in the past. Say “I forgive you.” “I am releasing you.” Try to feel the release of the negative energy in your body, heart, and mind. This doesn’t mean that you are dismissing your justified feelings of anger. According to St. Augustine, “forgiveness is simply the act of surrendering our desire for revenge; that is, our desire to hurt someone for having hurt us.” Forgiveness will unload a huge burden off your heart. Do it for yourself.

Recall the good moments you lived with the person(s) you have in mind; what they said or did that you appreciated. It will become easier to finally forgive and let go. Do it for yourself.

5. Accept that the past cannot be undone

Focus on improving your present life instead, which will determine your future. Holding on to resentful thoughts will only drag you backwards, also preventing you from cultivating meaningful interpersonal relationships. Your cynical mood will affect the way you see and interpret the world around you. As a result, you miss out on life and other beautiful moments. The past doesn’t have to define you. But you can redefine your future self. Drop that bag of bricks you’ve been carrying around by starting a new chapter in your life. You have a another chance for happiness.

6. Accept the fact that a lot of things will always be beyond your control

Sometimes things don’t go your way no matter how much control you think you have. Similarly, you cannot change people, all you can do is accept them as they are or walk away.

7. Choose to be more open instead of being angry and closed off

Personally, I find that the most effective way to let go of my anger is to ignore the voice that tells me to keep myself guarded (unless my gut is telling me so.) I tell myself instead that everyone is unique and different. People will respond to me based on how I respond to them in the first place.

Being honest and open creates a bonding experience. There is no room for anger when you lay it all out. By clearing up any misconception that may arise you can move forward instead of clinging to negative thoughts and assumptions. You reclaim your power by being authentic with yourself and others.

I choose to make conscious efforts to build genuine human connections, to see from other peoples’ point of view before jumping to hasty conclusions.

Empathy and understanding of others defuse my angry feelings.

Cultivating better relationships, choosing forgiveness over bitterness, not letting the past affect my present life, and expressing my feelings in healthier ways, has led me to let go of past grudges and live life more in peace.

Anger is a normal human reaction. You just learned to rely on it too much for protection, but many times it is unnecessary and uncalled for. It damages your relationships and if it isn’t properly managed, will damage your health as well.

This life is meant to be enjoyed. But an angry heart will kill joy every time. Rage is the most devastating and lethal human emotion. By effectively managing your anger instead of suppressing it or flying off the handle, you will gain more self confidence and self respect. You will reclaim your energy and peace of mind.

If your anger comes back like a sudden violent storm, don’t deny it. Allow the emotion to pass and the raging water to return to calm. Let your pain get expressed, your side of the story get heard by talking about it in a normal tone instead of yelling. Then gently let the negative emotions go by deeply accepting yourself just as you are.

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How To Conquer The Four Horsemen of Productivity Apocalypse

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“We think, mistakenly, that success is the result of the amount of time we put in at work, instead of the quality of time we put in.” -Arianna Huffington

A lot of the top advice on “work-life balance” angers me and probably will anger you too.

Let me explain…

There’s a concept on work-life balance that every college student has heard. It goes something like this:

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Your life has different parts you have to juggle. You HAVE to sacrifice at least one of these to succeed at the others:

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  • Career/School Success
  • Sleep Time
  • Social/Personal Life and Family Time
  • Health and Fitness

There are different variations of this principle, like the Burners Theory, but it’s the same basic idea. I’ve coined my own really cool name for it: The Four Horsemen Principle (it references the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, implying an “apocalypse” if you don’t handle them well).

Now, here’s what pisses me off. It’s completely FALSE.

A lot of the most read articles and content on this topic simply tell you that you have to accept that you have to give up a part of your life. This idea is ingrained into American culture: “you have to work 15 hours a day and sacrifice your health, sleep, and family time to make it.”

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Ask any Sillicon valley entrepreneur or Hollywood actor. Heck, just look around at your peers and you’ll find one who brags about their lack of sleep.

It perpetuates a needless cycle of self-harm.

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If you think spending time with your daughter Sally is a part of your success, then are you really successful if you’ve made millions but haven’t spent her in the last two weeks?

People think taking time to sleep or exercise takes time away from succeeding in your career. But sometimes, it helps you succeed more in your career. Don’t take it from me, take it from this guy…

The youngest billionaire in the history of humankind and founder of Facebook and Asana wrote a post about this. The “too-long-didn’t-read” summary is that he argues he would’ve succeeded with Facebook even faster if he had slept more, exercised more, and ate less junk food. He said these bad habits lead to less productivity, needless fighting, emotional outbreaks, less energy, and less focus.

What is best way to solve these work-life balance hurdles? I’m not saying I have it solved, but here are some steps to master The Four Horsemen.

Note: You don’t need to do all the steps. Every step on its own helps.

Step 1: Kill Multiple Birds With One Stone

multitasking

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My initial response to The Four Horseman Principle was to question everyone’s assumptions.
“Can I succeed and keep all four horsemen?” I pondered.

Here is how everyone else thought:

“Life is filled with compromises. If you want to excel in your work and social life, your health and family life will decline. If you want to be fit and a great parent, then you may be forced to kill your career potential. You are free to choose which four horsemen you want, but you have to realize that you will never reach your potential for all of them.”

So I thought, “Is there a life hack I can use to destroy this flawed belief?”

Perhaps I could fuse health and work or social or family time. “What if I exercised at work with a standing desk or treadmill? What if I joined social fitness groups like Crossfit?”

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Believing that you will be healthy with a little extra standing is like believing you are a smart because you bought a book and left it on a shelf. Plus, not everyone can convince their boss to do something like this.

You can get fit while keeping in touch with friends by choosing fitness activities. You can find an active event for your family to go to rather than one where you bond over junk food. There are ways of truly mastering two horsemen in the time it takes everyone else to master one.

See Also: The New and Modern Way Companies Are Increasing Productivity

Step 2: Outsource Career and Family/Social — Get Someone Else To Help You.

The billionaire Sir Richard Branson was asked when’s the last time he shopped for groceries. He said he hadn’t in years. He has an assistant do it.

If your time is worth $1,000 an hour, you’ve lost out on $1,000 you could have made AND an hour of your time if you spend it on a low-level task like grocery shopping. Instead, pay someone $20 to do it for you and you’ve just bought back some of your life AND set up an opportunity to make 1,000 more dollars.

See Also: 6 Most Commonly Outsourced Tasks and Why They Work

Your parents (and mine too) don’t do this because they lived with a moderate salary and it was mathematically correct to do your own groceries, laundry, car repairs, and plumbing. You end up saving more by doing it yourself. But once you start making some serious cash (which you should strive to do if you aren’t), your level of thinking should evolve.

We outsource small parts of our problems already. We buy fast food and dinners from restaurants so we don’t have to make it. We pay to have our grass cut to save time. We get our oil changed so we don’t have to learn how to ourselves.

Outsourcing bits of your life lets you buy back time and use it better. Can you use the same concept on a horseman and use that extra time to better another horseman?

For a lot of us, your career is the biggest horseman. It’s where we spend most of our time and it’s the last horseman to get ignored. Anyone can outsource parts of the career horseman.

Tim Ferriss is one example of a CEO’s who built systems to let him live a 4 hour work week. He outsources the low level work of his business so he can focus on only the tasks he can do.

Family is another example. Working mothers can outsource the family horseman by paying for a nanny. Calling it “outsourcing” might sound too corporate, but people don’t worry -it’s natural. People do this already.

Other than the obvious, think outside the box. If you’re making a lot of money, for example, but don’t have time to spend with your family, you can pay for a Fast Pass to skip the lines when all of you visit Disney World. Or pay extra to go to a less crowded area to have higher quality one-on-one time.

The benefit of outsourcing is you keep a horseman alive without using your time. But removing yourself completely has a downside. In the book Rework, the author brings up a great point: most people will end up feeling bored and without purpose after several months of sitting on a beach or playing golf all day.

Also every parent I know would rather spend time with their child than outsource it completely to a babysitter.

So what’s the lesson?

Career is the main horseman you want to outsource. Family is the one usually you don’t want to outsource too much. Partially outsourcing it is the way to go. 100% is almost always too much.

Step 3: Make the Most of Your Time

One of the most tragic things I see is that most people never reach their potential. It can be easy to make the excuse, “If only I had more time, I could get rich or get jacked or spend more time with Sally.”

One way to tackle this issue is to change your focus from wishing you had more time to optimizing the time you have. In other words, acknowledge your constraints. The question to ask yourself is, “Assuming a time limit, how can I be as efficient as possible?”

For instance:
Assuming I can only work 8 hours a day, how can I make the most money possible?
Assuming I can only exercise for 30 minutes a day, how can I exhaust my muscles more in that time?
Assuming I can only spend 1 hour a week with friends, how can I make it the best experience?

This type of questioning pulls your focus towards something positive (getting everything you can out of all you’ve got) rather than something negative and unproductive (complaining about not having time).

All throughout my life, I’ve always met someone who’s bragged about getting zero sleep.

They’ll say, “I did another all-nighter to study for the test.” Or they’ll say, “I only slept 2 hours last night. I’m the CEO.”

We’ve gotten to a point in society where it’s literally glorified and looked at as impressive.

I’ve had a full college course schedule, while working a part-time job, an internship, running a high-traffic website, sitting on a few extra business courses, and still had time to sleep at least 8 hours a day and play video games. Not because I’m super human. I just did what needed to be done quickly.

I did an all nighter once just to try it out and it was a complete waste of time. Every hour that past, I got more and more unproductive as my mind turned to mush until I wasn’t doing a thing.
You don’t have to do that.

We’re all guilty of stretching out time we don’t need with long deadlines and flashy tactics. There was probably a school essay you had to write where you ended up doing the whole thing the night before. You didn’t need the 6 month window.

For me, it’s the Fitness Horseman. I’m guilty of stretching out a workout to take over an hour when it should only take 15 minutes.The fitness YouTube AthleanX (over 1 million subscribers) says that “if you work out right, you can’t work out long.” This is because it doesn’t take long to do exhaust your muscles if you do it right.

Step 4: Have Different Seasons

Break your time into seasons. We naturally do this already, but being aware of it can make you better at it.

What if, instead of chasing a perfect work-life balance, you divided your life into seasons that focused on a particular horseman?

Think 100% success at 2 horsemen and 80% success at the other two.

The importance of your horsemen may change throughout life. When you are in your 20s or 30s, it can be easier to exercise and develop your career. The health and career horsemen are galloping. The sleep horse is dying (literally) because maybe you’re building a visionary business and have hard-working competitors.

A decade later, you might have a baby and suddenly, the fitness horseman slows down a bit while your family horseman starts sprinting. Another decade passes and you visit old friends you put off. The Social horseman starts trotting. And the sleep horseman is a welcomed friend.

Caution:

My whole point is that you can master all the horsemen. It’s not impossible. Therefore, don’t take this too far and start creating a season of 0% all horsemen but the Career horseman. That would negate the whole point I’m trying to disprove.

I am simply saying that there are moments in your life where compromise may be inevitable because you are doing something game-changing. Here are a few examples:

  • Elon Musk sleeping 5 hours a day and working the other 19 because he’s building a tech start-up in a billion dollar industry against tough competitors in a fast-pacing industry.
  • Will Smith working through lunch and the weekends to become one of the world’s most respected actors.

For average to above-average people, it’s totally possible to master all horses. For game-changers and visionaries, a season to life could be useful.

For people below average, a season can simply be an excuse.

We all know someone who is failing at every horseman because he’s staying up way too late to play the 5th hour of a video game and watch more Netflix.

Where are you right now?

Step 5: Decide When Enough is Enough For A Certain Horse

Set a specific number of dollars you should hit when enough is enough. For example, many travel hackers say that you can live like a king across many countries with $50,000 a year because of the low cost of living. Maybe that’s your magic number.

Without a definitive number, it can be an endless chase for money, fame, or awards.You never know when to get off the Career Horseman and spend some time on the others because enough is never enough.

Cara DeLevigne, Oprah Winfrey, Jessica Alba, Alicia Keys, and Lady Gaga are some of the most followed stars on Instagram and Twitter. They’ve all taken time out of their lives to speak to women about needless career exhaustion from chasing needless additional career success.

Cara’s speech emphasizes one of the biggest lessons I’m trying to spread: Modern society has made us think that wealth and fame will bring you happiness. Science has shown that it’s just a small part. Don’t kill yourself from exhaustion just chasing these while compromising on everything else.

There’s plenty of other successful celebrities who have come out with this revelation after learning the hard way, but this message doesn’t seem to spread. Most of the younger generation are still enamored by the idea that overwork is the only way to go.

Ask yourself if childhood memories are creating false beliefs you hold to.

If you had a lack of opportunities when you were young, that memory often pushes you to take on more opportunities than you can handle.

Cara is a great example. She used to have a very difficult time getting any opportunities until the world suddenly fell in love with her iconic eyebrows and she had more than she could handle. When her thighs started manifesting spots from exhaustion, her modeling agency shipped her off to a hospital for a quick-fix of needle injections (instead of letting her rest).

Maybe your childhood imprint is something different. It could be a chase to prove something to your parents that was (and never will be) satisfied.

These women all emphasize two big points that they had to learn the hard way:

  • Be willing and comfortable to say “no” to requests.
  • Modern society over-hypes the happiness and results that career, success, wealth, and fame will bring to you. Don’t sacrifice too much to chase more and more of this.

This doesn’t only hold true for the career horseman; it holds true for all of them.

The multi-millionaire behind Huffington Post, Arianna Huffington, wrote a book on sleep called The Sleep Revolution after she collapsed from exhaustion from overwork. In the book, she argues that everyone should get at least 7 hours of sleep a night for optimal performance.

As far as family time is concerned, I’ve realized that there is a clear threshold where relatives (teenagers especially) are tired of seeing you. In fact, they’re annoyed by your presence. You become the overbearing, embarrassing parent or sibling.

Sometimes adding more family time adds diminished returns because they’ve seen more than enough of you already.

Learn to dial it back to focus on other horsemen when it’s clear this horse is getting overfed. Does your child really need your fourth hour of “family time” for that day? Is three enough when you’ve been doing this everyday of the week for years?

Step 6: Make it A Priority and It Will Become One

priority

Gary Vaynerchuk said in an interview that he never missed a game of the Jets even during the busiest time of his entire life. During that time, he was literally building a 100 million dollar wine company and working 12 hour days every day of the week. H

ow? He made Jets games a priority no matter what.

Ever hear a girl or guy you like say, “I didn’t have time to text back.” You knew instantly that it was a lie.

In the back of your mind, you said, “I don’t care if you’re falling off a cliff.  If you really like someone, you will make time to text back.” We all know it.

It’s the same principle with each horseman. If you tell yourself “I will sleep 7 hours today no matter what”, you will. Making more money can wait.

And it truly can. You don’t need millions of dollar to pay for shelter and food. It can wait.

Conclusion

It is possible to master all four horseman of the work-life balance Apocalypse. There will be occasional times where you may have to compromise but that’s really for the hustlers who are trying to change the world.

We all know someone who sucks at all the horsemen: they stay up until 2am, aren’t doing well at their job, haven’t seen their family (or any friends) in months, and don’t know what a gym is.

We all know someone who is exhausting himself by working 13 hour days at work and assuming that’s the only way it can be.

Perhaps it’s not that simple. Maybe you can achieve the same results by working more intelligently.

Finally, I know people who seem to have most or all the horsemen mastered, like online entrepreneurs John Chow or Pat Flynn:

They drop their kids off at school everyday.
They can take hours off work every day if they want.
They make more money than 99% of people on earth.
They run 5+ miles a day.
They sleep like a baby.

This just proves that it’s not always a “this or that” situation.

If you make it a priority, it will happen. Rather than assume you have to kill a horseman, ask yourself if you can manage them better.

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7 Top Tips to Avoid Being Caught in a Phishing Net

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Do you have “phishing awareness”?

You may have heard about internet ‘phishing’ and wondered whether you should be worried. Or worse, you may have been unlucky enough to have been victimized in the past. Either way, it’s important to know how to protect yourself from this pernicious type of internet fraud.

So, what exactly is ‘phishing’?

what is phishing

Phishing is a fraudulent internet activity aimed at tricking you into divulging personal details which can then be used against you.

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Don’t make the mistake of thinking you won’t be fooled. Many highly cautious and tech savvy users have fallen victim to the scammers.

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These unscrupulous folk will go to great lengths to lull you into a false sense of security and gain your trust. Being phished could result in the theft of your personal details – account information, credit card numbers, PIN numbers, passwords and much more.

How does ‘phishing’ work?

Phishing expeditions are typically carried out in the form of a spam email that appears to come from a perfectly legitimate source, usually a website or other source that you have regular online dealings with. It could be your bank or credit card or other finance company, an internet provider, an online retailer, your employer and even the government.

The email will ask you to confirm your personal information, often by asking you to click on what looks like a bona fide link to the company website so that you can update your details. When you click through, though, you are directed to a spoof site set up with the sole purpose of capturing your data. Chances are that you won’t suspect a thing and won’t notice the fact that the site is fraudulent.

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But how do they persuade you to click on the link?

This is where it gets even more devious. The email usually contains an urgent call to action – threatening you with account closure, warning of an overdue invoice or of unauthorised activity on your account, or simply asking for a security update or missing account information. What’s more, scam artists are very adept at using company names, URLs, branding, logos etc to make their emails look authentic.

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It all looks very plausible.

The Anti-Phishing Working Group (APWG) has been observing a truly shocking rise in the number of phishing attacks over the last few years, including a record breaking increase of 250% between October 2015 and March 2016. Latest figures show that about 123,000 phishing attacks took place in March of this year alone, the highest number ever.

How to protect yourself from ‘phishing’

phishing protection

In light of these worrying findings, it is more important than ever that internet users are fully equipped to guard against phishing.

Here are our 7 top tips to keep you safe online:

1. Make it a golden rule to never reply to emails that ask for confidential information.

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Banks, official organisations and reputable e-commerce companies will NEVER request sensitive personal data via email. Scam emails often contain urgent calls to action in the subject line (e.g. ‘Your account has been suspended’, ‘Unauthorised activity detected on your account’). Also, they generally are not addressed to you personally (e.g. Dear Customer, Dear Account Holder).

2. If you’re not sure whether or not the email may be legitimate, it’s safest to contact the company direct by phone or via their website to double check.

Type in their web address (rather than clicking on a link) and be cautious about any phone number given in the email. Phishers often use links within the email to take you to a spoofed site with a similar and very genuine looking address (e.g. mybank-online.co.uk instead of mybank.co.uk).

3. Never click on links, open attachments or download any files from unknown, unrecognised and untrusted senders.

Some phishing emails or other spam contains spyware – software that is used to record your internet activities – or Trojans that will allow hackers access to the data on your computer. Don’t trust pop-up screens, enter personal information or click on one, and don’t copy a web address from a pop-up into your web browser.

In fact, even opening a spam email is a bad idea – it gives the sender confirmation that they’ve reached a live address.

4. The right way to deal with any ‘phishy’ emails you receive is to report them straight away.

Many companies have a dedicated security email that you should forward the suspicious email to so that it can be investigated and dealt with appropriately. Examples include internetsecurity@barclays.co.uk, stop-spoofing@amazon.com, spool@paypal.com, phishing@hmrc.gsi.gov.uk.

Once you’ve reported the email and forwarded it, delete it from your inbox forthwith.

5. The best way to keep your computer secure is by installing antivirus and anti-spyware software that will scan for malicious software on your computer and, if detected, disable it.

There are also spam filters to help protect you from receiving phishing emails. Finally, make sure your firewall is enabled and up to date at all times to block communication from unwanted sources.

6. It goes without saying that everyone should observe basic security etiquette for any online activities they carry out:

• Set strong passwords that are difficult to crack

• Don’t use the same password for all your online accounts

• Never share your PIN numbers or passwords with anyone, and don’t write them down.

• Never email any personal or financial information, even if you know the recipient. You just don’t know who may gain access to your (or the recipient’s) email account and compromise the security of your data.

• Be vigilant – remember that you could be the target of a spam or phishing attack anywhere online, so don’t be tempted to throw caution overboard.

See Also: Don’t Get Your Identity Stolen – Here’s How

7. Finally, check your online accounts and bank statements on a regular basis to make sure that no unauthorised transactions have taken place.

Report any suspicious activity immediately.

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What Role Do You Play in Your Family?

We’ve got to chose our friends but not our family. And like it or not we have to cope with our relatives and their idiosyncrasies. Depending of the dynamics in or family circle we all assume a certain role.

What’s yours? Are you the cook? Or maybe the jokester? Or even the scapegoat? If you never thought about that, maybe it’s the time to think about it.

familyTake now this quick and fun quiz to find out what role do you play in your family!

What Role Do You Play in Your Family?

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Leave a comment below to tell us what you’ve got!

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7 Ways To Honor Yourself After A Breakup

Oh, how breaking up hurts. Not only that, it really does suck. The feelings we go through after almost consume every ounce of you. It feels nearly impossible to function day in and day out. Your heart hurts, your head hurts and every other part of you seems to just ache. It’s downright horrible. But we all know it’s only temporary. That still doesn’t make it any easier. Is it possible to love and honour yourself after a breakup and while you are going through this whirlwind of dreadful emotions? Of course.

Let’s go through a few ways to do this now.

Get Over a break UpYou are perfect.

This is a hard one to wrap your head around especially if you are the dumpee and your partner told you there are things about you that aren’t good enough. Don’t believe that and release that thought from your mind immediately. You are perfect just the way you are. There is someone who will appreciate you exactly as you are.

Date yourself.

Take yourself out on a date. Dinner, a movie or a night of dancing.  Get dressed up and get out and have fun. Do the things that make you feel happy. Go do something you haven’t’ done in a really long time that makes your heart sing. If you want to invite your bestie, you can do that too but make a date with you and stick to it. Take a whole day and be selfish. Which leads us to the next point.

Be selfish.

More than in number 2. I mean be really selfish. Go shopping if you can and buy a new outfit, or a new car! Think about only yourself and how magnificent you are. Remind yourself that you are the most important person in the world and take a whole day reveling in that thought. You are the best. Treat yourself like you are. often when we are in a relationship we forget about ourselves because we are too busy trying to make the other person happy.

Have a sorry for myself day.

Take a full day if you need to and just cry or scream or yell or throw a fit. Do whatever you have to do to get all the anger and sadness out. Full and hard. Don’t answer the phone, don’t go out (really don’t go out), stay off the computer and no texting. Just you and your sad emotions. Feel them, own them, embrace them and then let them go. Cry and cry and cry and scream and yell if that’s your thing. Get it all out.

Unplug.

Carrying on from number 5, turn off all gadgets. Be in the now, with your emotions. No distractions or possible texts from your ex or your ex’s friends or even your own friends. Just be with yourself, alone with your feelings. Turn off the tv, the computer, shut off your cell phone and iPad. Turn on some music if that will help you a little bit.

Meditate, get a massage, or have naps.

Or all of the above. Do mellow, quiet and mind calming things.  Relax your mind and send your thoughts, all negative thoughts, out to the universe. You will be consumed by horrible negative thoughts for days and weeks, maybe even months after a breakup. It will be very important to take time to calm yourself and your mind and be at peace. It is in this place that you will find answers and relief.

Though breaking up is really hard and really shitty, it doesn’t have to be horrible forever. Take time to do things for you and remember you are perfect and awesome just the way you are. Love yourself.

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