Self esteem isn’t always so easy to have and or maintain. Sometimes even the littlest things can set us back into the vortex of low self worth and we wonder when we will get back on track. To have a healthy level of self esteem denotes that we don’t worry what others think of us and we are quite happy and confident in who we are.

So many things factor in to this, our self image. Body language, the way we dress, walk, talk and even the way we speak to people.  Throw into that mix if by chance you had an upbringing where you weren’t raised with any emotional love, support, encouragement or confidence building skills, well let’s just say, we’re almost doomed right out of the gate.

For some of us, as we got older, we worked on our self esteem issues and sometimes feel we have it all under control. Chances are, you probably don’t have it all sorted out. For others, recognizing the signs that indicate we have low self esteem might not be so easy. Below are just a few signs that may resonate with you.

1. Sorry sorry sorry.

You are always saying sorry. Big things, little things, things that aren’t even your fault. You are quick to apologize for things you didn’t do and even sometimes things that others did. You just always feel bad and don’t want to upset anyone. People with low self esteem will constantly apologize for fear that if they don’t, others will not accept them, think low of them or any other made up belief they conjure up their minds. Try going a day without constantly apologizing for anything you didn’t do and see what happens.

2. Shop til you drop.

You are always looking for that one item or thing that will make you feel good, look good, be accepted, fit in. You buy things you don’t need because you think they will fill a gap. There is always something missing and you believe that buying things will fill that. Things won’t make you happy or fill any voids.  It’s time to find pleasure and acceptance within yourself. You are enough and you don’t need useless items to satisfy you or justify your existence.

3. Your comfort zone is home.

You rarely leave the house because it means get ting out and either meeting or dealing with people. You are still afraid that people won’t like you. Their opinions matter in your mind. You still believe you are socially awkward and have a hard time keeping up with trying to meet the demands of others to fit in. Go back and read #2 . You are enough. You do matter. You have just as much right to enjoy life as the next person. Get out there.

4. You prefer Facebook.

Really you do. It’s easier to be liked and accepted on social media than it is in person. Hiding behind a screen, whether it be your cell phone, iPad or laptop makes you feel like you have increased, and wonderful, self esteem but in reality it’s just masking the truth which is, it’s low. As powerful and mighty as you feel on social media, you should try and practice that in the real world. Test it out, and then watch and see how your self esteem will gradually increase. Be confident. You are a good person with a great personality. Believe that.

5. You are very indecisive.

You don’t trust yourself to make decisions. You constantly question yourself. You would rather not have to make any decisions at all about anything and when you do have to, you stress about it tirelessly, doubting and questioning yourself every step of the way. Make the decision. There is no right or wrong. The right one will bring you something you might want, the other one will bring you adventures. Get out there, again.

Self talk is a brilliant way to help us in our battle with self esteem and all the other selves, worth, value, confidence, love, respect. Remind yourself how awesome you are. Tell yourself how smart you are. Don’t forgot to say to yourself that you are magnificent. You are.

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We are all trying to live the best life we can, but along the way there will always be bumps and obstacles trying to stop us from that. These can come in any form, whether personal or professional, and it’s the choices we make that dictate the future of our situation. And let’s face it – we don’t always make the best choices. Sometimes we make impulsive decisions without seeing the long term consequences; or take too long to make a decision, which leaves us desperate for an outcome. Whatever it is, we can all agree that there is no rulebook for life.

When we make bad decisions we are suddenly faced with regret (can you think of the last time you had buyer’s regret?), and the ramifications of regret can be extreme, from a few days, up to years of depression and “what- if ” thoughts. No one is an expert on it because we all deal with regret differently. Here are a few suggestions of how we deal it, to become happier people.

1. Don’t be so hard on yourself

Easier said than done! Before or after we make decisions, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to make the best decisions we can, especially after we’ve already made a bad move. It’s easy to kick yourself, but it’s not helping you get anywhere. Think about all the good things you’ve done in your life and remember how many obstacles you’ve overcome already. After that, you should be able to be a bit more gentle on yourself!

2. Take it slow

When I’m having a bad day I just remember the last words my grandfather told me – “take it slow.” After living a full life, how could I argue with him. And he’s right. When you are in a state of regret, your mind is overstimulated from “what- if ” situations and your brain is like a Japanese speed train. Take a few deep breaths and remember that life is long, and you can survive this little bump in the way

3. Everything is temporary

A great mantra for overcoming a currently unfortunate case of events is to remind yourself constantly that everything is temporary. Whether you like it or not, life is full of ups and downs. Surely it’s not difficult for you to remember the last time you felt great – and likewise the last time you didn’t feel so great. Already you can recognize that all bad times have a happy ending. Eventually, everything will clear up. So just hang in there, positive change is on it’s way!

4. Be more social

Although on most days you’ll want to crawl back into bed and watch TV all afternoon, regret does not go away when you’re trapped alone in your house. You need to shower, put some clothes and makeup on, and go see your friends. Don’t be afraid to send out a few texts asking what everyone is up to tonight or on the weekend. You might be feeling down, but your friends are still just that – your friends. They’re even there for you. Imagine! So join a guys/girls night, Share some laughs, forget about the stress, and soon you’ll find the dark clouds clearing the way for sunnier days.

5. Think ahead

This is so important I cannot stress it enough. At this stage in our life we’ve all had a few slip ups; if you haven’t, please tell us your secret. As hard as we have tried, we have learned that you cannot go back in time. There is no secret but ton to return to a less regrettable time and change our decisions. You must think ahead. Put all your positive energy and strength into improving your current situation, what you are left with after your decision making. You made those decisions for a reason – now it’s time to regroup your pride and energy and focus it onto the brilliant future. We’ve survived before – we’ll do it again!

6. Be grateful

There’s no better time to remind yourself of how fortunate yo u are, than when you are grieving about regret. No matter how far in you are, you can surely bring a smile to yourself through a little bit of gratitude. Consider the tablet you are using to read this on, the phone you are receiving texts with, the car you’re stuck in traffic in, and the cozy home you have to sleep in at night. We have food, water and shelter. No matter how poor of a choice you made or what kind of regret you are bearing, remember, it’s not so bad! We have a quality life that billions of people in the world dream of having. Let that put a smile on your face; instead of thinking of what you’re missing, say a prayer and be thankful for what you have.

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There is something powerful and negative about rejection that, no matter how trained you are, it will affect you emotionally. However, these emotions are there to teach you something, to help you to improve, to guide you to grow as a person.

Therefore, when we talk about dealing with rejection, the purpose is not to stop you feeling the rejection entirely, but to feel it only as much or as little as necessary to learn what you need to learn from it and then to move on.

Dogs don’t care about being rejected.

That is a bold statement and, if you have a dog, probably you’ve noticed that your dog does care about being rejected… for about 10 seconds.

My dog, Jack, taught me a lot about how to move on from being rejected and this is the experience I will share with you today: how to move on from rejection- the dog’s style (please, take this with a smile and hear me out before considering to reject this idea.)

Now, what is a dog doing when being rejected?

Step 1. He is in pain for 10 seconds, looking rather helpless.

Almost breaks your heart and you almost give in. It is not the helplessness that makes you feel guilty, but the dog’s secret weapon. A secret weapon that all living thinking creatures have, including us, humans.

Step 2. Unleash the secret weapon.

Take a big breath in and breath out with a sigh at the end. Then, use the weapon: innocence. Make an innocent face.

This weapon is not only useful to make the other person a bit sorry for rejecting you, but also to free yourself from negative thoughts.

Why innocence? Because people can’t stay mad on an innocent living creature. Can you?

Plus, my dog is doing it every single time, and it is working. I don’t give in, but I can’t be annoyed with him either.

Step 3. Retreat in the arms of someone that loves you.

This step is meant to calm you down, to regroup; to receive a positive reinforcement that you are still loved, still appreciated, still valuable and to recognize the fact that, even though somebody hasn’t been too good to you, many others are.

Step 4. Design a new plan of action.

When you are rejected could feel like is the end of the world or that there is no point in trying again.

However, failure is not an option when you have other options as well. Failure is only the response to your action or behavior. It doesn’t define who you are or what you are capable of accomplishing.

Take the learning from the first try and make a new plan.

Step 5. Place yourself in the spot that gives you the best chance of success.

If you observe a dog how he is making the second attempt to get what he wants, you will notice how carefully he is choosing where to sit in the room.

• First, he wants to have his eyes on the price.
• Second, makes sure that you see him and that you can’t avoid him.
• Third, he is looking wistful directly into your eyes.
• Fourth, looks at the price again for a brief moment and sighs and then, looks back into your eyes.
• Fifth, he begs, adopting the innocence face.

I’m not suggesting to do exactly how the dog does; that could be a bit creepy, isn’t it? However, you can use the same principles when you ask for what you want.

• First, know what you want.
• Second, make yourself visible without invading the space of the other person. Choose your place so that you can’t be ignored.
• Third, look people in the eye when you speak. Be confident and, if possible, give reasons why they should give you what you’re asking.
• Fourth, let people know how much that something could mean to you, and how they can be a hero that day by helping you.
• Fifth, make the innocent face and smile.

Step 6. Try again following your new plan of action.

If you haven’t been successful yet, try again in a new way, and then another way and another way until you get what you want, or there are no other options left.

Step 7. Give up and move on.

When you have tried everything and nothing worked, it is time to give up and move on… at least until you find another way.

What a dog doesn’t do when he is rejected:

• Doesn’t take things personally.
• Doesn’t believe that you are mean for not giving in.
• Doesn’t believe that there is something wrong about him for being rejected: maybe is too much to ask, maybe is the approach, perhaps is the timing; whatever but not him!
• Doesn’t linger on feeling sorry for himself. There is no point in that when you can use your time and energy to find different ways to get what you want.
• Doesn’t stop at one person with the request. If one person refused him, he tries his fortune with the next person and then the next and then the next, until he finds the right person for him.

My dog is a happy dog. He knows how to ask and when he doesn’t get it, he quickly regroups and moves on. Tomorrow is another day!

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Some of us like to blend in, fit in and feel like we belong to a bigger part of something, the rest of us, not so much. Some of us could not care any less if we belonged or fit in anywhere. In our world, we fit perfectly and that’s really all that matters. Being authentic takes time. Some of us are naturally authentic while for some, it is something that eventually happens after years of learning, growing, evolving and sometimes, not putting up with anyone’s bullshit anymore.

Authentic people are a rare and beautiful bunch. There are some things they do so differently and quite often mistaken for arrogant or conceited, maybe even full of themselves. Such is not the case at all. They just got their stuff together is all. So what are some of the things that truly authentic people do?

1. They’ll stand alone.

If there is a cause they firmly believe in, they will stand alone if they have to. They don’t care if no one will support them or stand with them. They don’t even care if people laugh at them or ridicule them. They don’t care one bit. If it’s something they support strongly, they’ll be there, alone if necessary.

2. Speak their mind.

Don’t expect any sugar coating opinions or debates from the authentic person. They will tell it like it is. They have a strong voice, they have an opinion and they aren’t afraid to show and use both. They aren’t trying to be bold or ignorant, they just have something pretty serious to say.

3. Hang out with like minded people.

They don’t even bother wasting time on small or narrowed minded people. There is no time to be wasted on fake people. Authentic people will either repel people or draw them in. Only another authentic person will totally understand them anyway.

4. Gut instinct.

That’s a serious thing and they listen to and pay attention to theirs always. It isn’t anything to be ignored and they never will. They know their intuition is always spot on and ignoring it comes with serious consequences. They listen to their gut and encourage others to do so as well.

5. Appreciate and love alone time.

This is their time to hang out wit h themselves, listen to the music they love, just be themselves, alone and enjoying their own company. They don’t always have to be around people and even in a relationship, they still expect so me alone time. They appreciate it and give it back. And they aren’t afraid of being alone.

6. People detox.

They know when it’s completely necessary to do this. Some people just don’t fit into our lives for whatever reason and they won’t waste time with people who are fake or not mentally stimulating enough. They will keep their circle small because quality friendships are far more important than the quantity.

7. No apology necessary.

Ever. They rarely apologize for who they are or why they are the way they are. They are completely and totally comfortable in their own skin and make no apologies if they feel someone is shocked, put off or uncomfortable. They are who they are and you will either love them or hate them but one thing is for certain, if you don’t accept them for who they are , they could not care less.

8. They don’t try to impress.

They will wear what they want, when they want without inhibitions. Whether it be flowers in their hair, striped leggings, headbands and dreadlocks, they stay true to their style and fashion sense (even though some of us think their fashion is way out there) and wear it with pride. They love who they are and aren’t afraid to let people know.

You could say the authentic person is a free spirit. A lover, giver, fighter, advocate, charmer or whatever else but one thing remains true, they are who they are, unapologetically.

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